Meet the Reps

This is awesome…

Tar-Babies, The GOP, and Tim Pawlenty

Q: What’s wrong with being a Republican?

A: When your worst polling cadidate says stupid stuff like “tar baby“while you’re in Cedar Falls, Iowa.

Read on:

The Republican presidential candidate responded, “I’m sorry to disappoint you, I am not going to overturn divorce court decisions. That’s why we have courts and that’s why people go to court and get a divorce. If I as President of the United States said this decision has to be overturned without the proper appeals process then I would be disturbing our entire system of government… For me to stand here before all these people and say that I’m going declare divorces invalid because someone feels that they weren’t treated fairly in court, we are getting into a, uh, uh, tar baby of enormous proportions.”

The underline was all me. Could you tell? There’s even a video of him using the “mecaca” term if you have the time.

Tim Pawlenty, Governor of Minnesota, is currently in Iowa stumping for John McCain. No worries though: He isn’t paying any attention to any of us up here in Minnesota anyway.

Browns Valley, MN is a tiny town in the South Dakota border and it was flooded last Tuesday and Wednesday. By Thursday, our Republican Governor was still in Iowa stumping for the “tar-baby” candidate Sen John McCain. Pawlenty was good though! I mean, he did take the time out to call into our CBS affiliate WCCO to let all of us here in Minnesota know that he could handle the multi-tasking very well.

Pawlenty was in Iowa Thursday campaigning for GOP presidential candidate John McCain, but he told Minnesota Public Radio that he was in contact with Browns Valley officials and planned his trip according to the community’s needs.

The right-wingers though, are pissed off that the DFL would even criticize Pawlenty for his negligence.

Michael Brodkorb finishes his blog entry by saying:

“The Minnesota DFL should be ashamed. “

The “Amazing FruitFly” says: “Yo, dude.. if your boyee is putting his political aspirations above the rest of us here in Minnesota, he’s going to get yelled at by the DFL. Convince me you wouldn’t be screaming the same story if Mike Hatch was in Iowa stumping for a Democrat while Minnesotans were loosing their homes to flooding and an entire village was wiped out!”

Stewpid hypocrite.

Pawlenty is also useless on the Federal level. Minnesota Public Radio pointed out that Pawlenty has his doubts that the residents of the town would qualify for any federal aide for rebuilding their homes. He has to think about it and then complained about how many old people lived in the town.

Pawlenty says the state may be able to offer local residents low interest loans to fix up their flooded homes. But but because of the large number of elderly residents in the small town, Pawlenty says the state may need to offer some residents emergency housing or grants to repair their homes.

And we’ve got this guy for how many years now?! Maybe we should all hope McCain will kidnap Pawlenty and we’ll all rest easier.

Homosexuality and Immorality: The Big Backpeddaling

I complained earlier about Hillary’s ambivalent answer to the question about homosexuality being immoral as Gen Peter Pace brought up. Well, today Hillary backtracked her answer and spit up this:

“Well I’ve heard from a number of my friends and I’ve certainly clarified with them any misunderstanding that anyone had, because I disagree with General Pace completely. I do not think homosexuality is immoral. But the point I was trying to make is that this policy of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is not working.

Well now, isn’t that nice? She goes on and on about it – but so what and who cares?

Barak Obama, after I published yesterday’s piece, I discovered that he sidestepped the entire issue and pulled a “Hillary”:

On Wednesday, Newsday repeatedly asked Obama if same-sex relationships were immoral.

“I think traditionally the Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman has restricted his public comments to military matters,” said Obama, leaving Capitol Hill. “That’s probably a good tradition to follow.”

He turned the conversation to opposition to the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy: “I think the question here is whether somebody is willing to sacrifice for their country.”

Later, an Obama spokesman said the senator, in fact, disagrees with Pace.

And I had to think to myself: “Okay, if you’re going to say that you won’t support Hillary for President, are you going to change your mind about Obama too?”

Well, now Obama has “come out” clarifiying his position by saying:

“As the New York Times reported today, I do not agree with General Pace that homosexuality is immoral. Attempts to divide people like this have consumed too much of our politics over the past six years.”

I did hear that a number of GLBT groups were quick to run both Clinton and Obama down and wag their fingers in their noses yesterday as well as they should. And I’m happy both of these front-running Democratic candidates have backpeddled on their views towards GLBT.

However, I’m not that happy with either of them that HRC or any GLBT group should even had to have bothered. I can understand the sense of insecurity in supporting social wedge issues such as gay rights, but it’s 2007 – will the National Democratic leadership ever open their arms and receive the GLBT as family once and all? Doubt it anytime soon.

Found on the bottom of the Birdcage

Republicans Sending Political “Blow”

Republicans, already terrified of a future Democratic president, have begun to ramp up assassination attempts. This time, against Presidential hopeful John Edward’s campaign HQ. A campaign staffer ripped open an envelope and discovered white powder inside.

“The health and safety of our staff and volunteers is obviously our paramount concern, so we contacted the authorities,” said Jonathan Prince, deputy campaign manager. “The authorities have asked us to evacuate while they run tests on the substance, and we have done so.”

Obviously the Republican who sent the powder will never be found, and the US Attorney who investigates the matter will be fired immediately.

What’s with Hillary and Homos?

Hillary, when confronted with the question sparked by Gen Peter Pace calling homosexuality “immoral”, responded by this incredibly lame answer:

“Well I’m going to leave that to others to conclude,” she said. “I’m very proud of the gays and lesbians I know who perform work that is essential to our country, who want to serve their country and I want make sure they can.”

Hillary goes wishie-washy on rudimentary basics of American life obviously isn’t Presidential material. Obviously I’m no longer interested in “Madam President” this time around.

Death Before Being Dishonored Any More

War brings out the worst of all of us, this is nothing knew. But it’s those tiny things that you need to keep your eyes one to see what’s going on and what’s never been said. Case in point, Colonel Ted Westhusing.

Colonel Westhusing was found dead with a bullet through his head by which he put there himself. Suicide during war time isn’t something that’s knew either. I had a couple of my own mates commit suicide when I was in the Air Force too! However, it’s entirely different when a highly respected Colonel kills himself not because he faced war everyday, instead he killed himself because of what his military has become.

The human atrocities, the carnage and the human rights violations being conducted by the United States military sent Colonel Westhusing to eat his own gun.

”In e-mails to his family, Westhusing seemed especially upset by one conclusion he had reached: that traditional military values such as duty, honor and country had been replaced by profit motives in Iraq, where the U.S. had come to rely heavily on contractors for jobs once done by the military.”

His death followed quickly. “He was sick of money-grubbing contractors,” one official recounted. Westhusing said that “he had not come over to Iraq for this.” After a three-month inquiry, investigators declared Westhusing’s death a suicide.

There’s nothing that could possibly explain the horror that this man faced. It positively sends me over the edge to think what this West Point Scholar had to face before he finally broke down. He rejected his commanders willingness to ignore the Geneva Convention, the UCMJ, and the United States Constitution, and instead of being identified by these atrocities of our own military leadership, he ended his life.

Read his suicide note and the last sentance will squeeze tears out of the corners of your eyes.

You are only interested in your career and provide no support to your staff—no msn [mission] support and you don’t care. I cannot support a msn that leads to corruption, human right abuses and liars. I am sullied—no more. I didn’t volunteer to support corrupt, money grubbing contractors, nor work for commanders only interested in themselves. I came to serve honorably and feel dishonored. I trust no Iraqi. I cannot live this way. All my love to my family, my wife and my precious children. I love you and trust you only. Death before being dishonored any more.

By the way – in case you were wondering, his immediate supervisor at the time was Gen David Patraeus. George W Bush has since given him another star on his shoulder and he’s now the top military leader in Iraq.

Does that make your stomach turn? It should!

Rover and Bolten Worry AGAG Scandal Will Hurt Bush’s Credibility

This made me laugh. h/t to Avarosis at Ameriblog for spotting it.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales (a.k.a. AGAG) has this huge problem going on with the US Attorneys being fired. This is pretty much everywhere in the mainstream media now. What’s interesting is that Karl Rove and Joshua Bolton are worried that this story will hurt Bush’s credibility on the matter.

“They’re taking it seriously,” said the other of the two Republicans who spoke about the White House’s relationship with Mr. Gonzales. “I think Rove and Bolten believe there is the potential for erosion of the president’s credibility on this issue.”

Do they think Bush has any credibility anywhere else? Supreme Court wanna-be Harriett Miers had to step down last January over this matter, eight US Attorneys have been fired, AGAG admits that there were mistakes made and it’s been revealed that Congress has been lied to about this story. And these two idiots are worried about Bush’s “credibility”?

Not that I would ever tell Rove or Bolton how to do their jobs or anything – but perhaps if they worried about the US Constitution might be a better usage of their time? Maybe they could worry about our troops in Iraq! OH! Maybe they could worry about our loss of jobs to China!

A Fruit Fly Rant: An Excuse For Prosecuting Christians

Conservative Christians have been claiming the “poor persecuted” gripe for years now. And, while they seem to completely empty on pointing out exactly when society actually persecuted them, they milk the mantra completely to death.

When I was a kid, I heard all of them. All of them! Let’s see if I can come up wit… Got it!

There was a time (when exactly is never clarified) when the king (which king?) ruled that Christianity was to be illegal. So this kind sent out his men and persecuted everybody who professed to be a Christian. The Royal decree proclaimed that not only Christians be persecuted, but their Holy Bibles were to be destroyed.

Well, then the king’s were coming to this village and this little old lady heard about the decree and knew her Holy Bible would be destroyed. So the old lady made a pie, and she tucked her precious Holy Bible inside of the pie and filled the rest of the space with her fruit filling.

So, when the men came into her home they searched everywhere for a Holy Bible but couldn’t find one. And the little old lady offered them a piece of her pie which they ate it with relish. Satisfied that the little old lady was not a Christian and she had no Bible, they left her house alone where she prayed and read her Bible in piece.

<yawn>

Complete rubbish. But, the opportunity of the prominent Christians in our society play the cliche at every opportunity.

Jerry Falwell – On the main page of his website you’ll find the phrase describing the contents of his propaganda piece “National Liberty Journal”:

Identify the key religious freedom cases of the day, as people of faith continue to be the most persecuted individuals in America..

Pat Robertson will fall over backward to tell you how horrible it is to be a Christian because they’re so persecuted.

The opposite is the true of course. Reverend Pat Robertson will be the first to push the call for the assasination of Hugo Chavez and US Supreme Court Judges. Oops….My bad. Robertson told his television audience that God told Pat that He would take care of Supreme Court judges on behalf of Pat Robertson. God does Pat’s bidding, you understand.

Tom DeLay. When he was forced to resign his position, he immediately jumped on the “poor persecuted Christian” routine and looked everywhere for support. He even managed to find a conference called “War On Christians” in March 2006.

Rick Scarborough, the convener of the conference said during the gathering:

“I believe the most damaging thing that Tom DeLay has done in his life is take his faith seriously into public office, which made him a target for all those who despise the cause of Christ,” Scarborough said, introducing DeLay on Tuesday. When DeLay finished, the host reminded the politician: “God always does his best work right after a crucifixion.”

The emphasis is mine of course. My question is “Who?”

Who are these people who “despise the cause of Christ”? Will this person please leave a comment and tell me about yourself and your organization?

I want to get to know if these alleged people who “despise the cause of Christ”. Do they have “meetings” and conventions where they scheme new ways to destory Christians? Where? May I sign up and attend such a conference?

…And exactly to what extent of their destruction is necessary? Do these “Christ-hating” people have conventions and conferences to discuss these issues? Could I please have some additional information on this?

How many Christians are there who are tucking their KJV’s into fruit-filled pies? And what kind of persecution are they suffering from? Is it like Bush water-boarding young Iraqi men?

St Pat “The Persecuted” Robertson said to Molly Ivins in 1993:

“Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”

Saint Pat here claims that Christians are more persecuted that the Jews during the Holocaust! What did I miss? Where are these Christians being funneled into ovens and gassed to death? Where in America can I find that “Dachau” prison system? Is it right outside of St Louis somewhere?If these Christians are being so horribly persecuted, I say that we’re all wasting our time. Let’s “fix” them when they’re young! Face it, we’re obviously spending too much money to gas them in that American Dachau, and to throw them into jail, that costs money too!

Can we neuter this “Christian” trait? Can we identify the very DNA protein that makes them feel persecuted and we’ll be able to cure ourselves from this Christian “disease” garden variety g-nome?

Let’s begin persecuting them like they claim they have been all along! Let’s begin by finding a way to cure the wacked out “Jesus Campers” while in-vitro. If we can find a genetic attribute before the Christian is born, tweak the gene and we can finally quit listening to them bellyaching once and for all! Let’s face it: We’ll be rid of the Gay Male Porn industry if we never had Ted Haggard’s out there yelling and screaming about all of this “persecution”. Lonnie Latham, senior pastor of the South Tulsa Baptist Church and senior executive of the Southern Baptist Convention wouldn’t be persecuted in jail right now if he would have been cured of his Christianity before he was born! Come to think of it, without Jimmy Swaggart, we would put a serious dent into the str8 female prostitution industry as well!

I can’t even be crafty enough to hatch such an idea. However, Reverend R. Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY is crafty enough. The horribly persecuted Christian said exactly:

“If a biological basis is found, and if a prenatal test is then developed, and if a successful treatment to reverse the sexual orientation to heterosexual is ever developed, we would support its use as we should unapologetically support the use of any appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation and the inevitable effects of sin.”

That’s right. Mohler has decided that a.) Homosexuality is no longer a “choice”, but is instead “genetic” and b.) There is currently no “cure” for homosexuality, but when there is one, it should be used on unborn babies and we will once and for all wipe it off the face the Earth. Gay and lesbian people are nothing but God’s genetic flaws. As “Dr” Laura Schlessinger called gays “biological errors“, we can see that even the persecutic conservative Jews agree that homosexuality is genetic.

Dr. Mohler said that he would be “unapologetic”. As well as he shouldn’t be. When we really and truly begin persecuting Christians like we should have been doing all along, we’ll see less and less of this depraved indifference towards each other.

Hardly News

Halliburton Moves to Dubai

Halliburton, Dick Cheney’s former company, is pulling up roots in Texas and moving to Dubai in an effort to expand business in the Middle East.

“As the CEO, I’m responsible for the global business of Halliburton in both hemispheres and I will continue to spend quite a bit of time in an airplane as I remain attentive to our customers, shareholders and employees around the world,” he said.

Why is this not suprising news? And I guess my second thought would wonder if the move doesn’t give them a great edge in war profiteering.

Bush Administration Screws Cold War Veterans

Now this “unreported” news story should make you vomit. All of those workers who’ve made a living out of making atomic bombs during the cold war, are now very sick as I’m sure you could understand. Dying from radioactive poisoning is an ugly way to meet your maker. But, leave it to Bush to make it worse by trying to bilk payments for health care.

Rep. Mark Udall, D-Colo., said, “Clearly, the administration put dollars above honoring the nation’s promise to the Cold War veterans.”

He added this is “almost worse” than the bad conditions at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. That was negligence, Udall said, where “this seems to be a pretty callous plan that the administration knew could harm sick veterans.”

What an unbelievable treasonous act of injustice. It positively boggles the mind. My h/t to John Aravosis for keeping all of us so well informed.

Jerry Falwell Embraces Divorced Gingrich On Behalf Of the Religious Right Wrong

Another Aravosis story. Jerry Falwell has written his support of Newtie Gingrich, ignoring his complete lack of “family values” by being twice divorced and an untold number of extramarital affairs. (Including that affair Gringrich was having while he was stumping to impeach Clinton for that extramarital… “encounter”.)

Since Ted Haggard announced that he was a “Crystal Meth”odist last October, the Christian Right Wrong has been showing more of it’s moral bankruptcy.

“He has admitted his moral shortcomings to me, as well, in private conversations,” Falwell wrote in a weekly newsletter sent Friday to members of the Moral Majority Coalition and The Liberty Alliance. “And he has also told me that he has, in recent years, come to grips with his personal failures and sought God’s forgiveness.”

Falwell, Dobson, Robertson and the rest of these people are hypocriting themselves into obscurity.  “Hypocriting”?!  Hrmmm…  I know there’s a better word out there.

What Happens In Vegas, Stays in Vegas

This is awesome, marry the girl and then run her over. The not-so-happy couple gets married on the 4th of March in Las Vegas and by the time they get home, they’re already fighting. She jumps out, probably yelled a few insults at him, and throws the clutch and runs her over and knocks her into a snowbank.

Police received an emergency call Monday from someone reporting a couple fighting in a car as they traveled on Highland Drive, about 10 miles southeast of Salt Lake City. Katie Martindale, 29, apparently got out of the car and started to walk away when James Olwine, 33, drove off the road and hit her with the car, pushing her into a snowbank, Jaroscak said.

Nice. And they say gay marriage doesn’t promote “good family values”.

Skinny Inmate Escapes Through His Cell’s “Food Slot”

Another reason to get on that diet; If you’re thrown into jail, your chances of escape increase with a few cans of Slim Fast!

A correctional officer found Artez Kenyetta Knox, 28, walking in a jail hallway after police said the 130-pound man took off his clothes, shoved them through the food slot and then wiggled through himself.

Well, that’s all the news I’m going to give you for now.  Since you don’t pay me much to read the news to you, I figure I can quit reading it anytime I want.  So there!

Friday’s Funnies and Foibles

I, the Great and Amazing Fruitfly, will hand you some yummy bits of rotting fruit for you to share with your friends tonight after work. What could be better? You’re at a TGI Fridays sipping on one of their extra-large glasses of frosty cold beer, all of your friends are sitting around, laughter is everywhere and everybody’s relieved that Friday has finally found fun time. (Is that enough “F” words for you?”!)

Let’s deal with the “Famous FruitFly Foible” first: “Who has the character flaw?”. Why, that would be President George Bush, Number 41 of course! While in Los Angeles to attend an awards ceremony has lunch with Desperate Housewives’s star Teri Hatcher. While they parted ways in the parking lot, GHW Bush gives Ms. Hatcher a wet kissy and then smacks her on the ass. There’s even a short video shot of it if you don’t believe me. So the Friday Foible goes to Ms. Hatcher for even having lunch with the old goat in the first place!

Wonkette‘s piece on this story is the funniest take I’ve seen in ages. (God loves a Wonkette.) Of course, GHWB has already denied the action, but who could blame him for that? Terri Hatcher is much more attractive than waking up next to the Quaker Oats man every morning for sixty-three years.

Pheonix Woman (a.k.a. Mercury Rising) is speculating that Newt Gingrich is going to throw his hat into the ring for Presidential Candidate. Newtie (as his mother affectionally called him) was interview by James Dobson of Focus on the Family where he made his relgious “mea culpa” for his past deeds as a womanizer, wife ditcher and a dead-beat dad. Gingrich said:

Gingrich tells Dobson that he has “gotten on his knees and sought God’s forgiveness” for his personal failings.

With all of the Republican Candidates, I think it’s safest to say that Newtie Gingrich, so far, has the most number and the most horrific skeletons in the closet. Everybody seems to remember the story about Newt demanding divorce papers from his first wife as she was wheeled into the Recovery Room after surgery resulting from cancer. But you really have to sit back in “shock and awe” when you look at the abysmal low the Republican Party will go to even shove Newt Gingrich out there to run for President. My favorite quote so far from Newtie? It’s what he said about his first wife:

“She isn’t young enough or pretty enough to be the President’s wife.”

Is that sound like Presidential material to you? If not, you can swim in the bottom of Pam’s coffee cup and discuss Newtie’s hypocracy in impeaching Clinton while he excuses himself for having an affair at the same time at Pamshouseblend.

But while we’re talking about right wing hypocracy, have you ever checked out Jesus’ General? He is heterosexually thrilled for his favorite fab new television personality Matt Sanchez.

I understand that he’s starred in a number of movies. I haven’t seen any of them, but by the titles, I’d say they must be action movies. Jawbreaker sounds like it might be the story about a cop who enforces the law with his fists. Donkey Dick is certainly a western. Didn’t Ronald Reagan also star in a movie with the same title? I’m not sure what Glory Holes Of Fame 3 or Beat Off Frenzy are about, but they sound like they might be war movies.

If course, if you don’t know about this story, you can click on the pictures of Anne Coulter with Matt or the picture of Sean Hannity with him. WARNING: The website you’ll be visiting does have some of Matt Sanchez’s best work; he’s in the buff! Of course, if you’re a big fan of gay porn, especially of Matt Sanchez (a.k.a. Rod Majors), help yourself by clicking here.

Rudy Giuliani has just been horribly embarrassed by those from his own backyard: The New York City Firefighters. They’ve sent out a letter that says:

“This letter is intended to make all of our members aware of the egregious acts Mayor Giuliani committed against our members, our fallen on 9-11, and our New York City union officers following that horrific day …

“We have heard from some affiliates that Giuliani’s campaign is beginning to reach out to our locals, looking to build support. If you are contacted by the Giuliani campaign we hope you will say not just, “No,” but, “Hell no.”

NYFD was pushed away when Giuliani wanted to destroy evidence clean up the debris from the World Trade Center and allow the big rig equipment to scope up the evidence rubble and sell recycleable evidence material to China. NYFD of course, wasn’t finished trying to find their own, let alone any surivors that might still be inside and they rioted and protested and Giuliani ignored them. Oh!  And I almost forgot to tell you that if you click on the picture of Giuliani there, you’ll be whisked away in a new window to watch Giuliani’s Drag Queen Debute with Donald Trump who did not say, oddly enough, “You’re Fired”!!

Well, that’s about all I have for you today. I’ve spawned about three hundred new eggs with this chunk of melon I have here and I’m about all out of Friday’s Funnies!Did you have enough Funnies?

No?

Then perhaps you can click here and watch Monte Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl and their famous sketch: “The Argument Clinic“.

Until then…

FruitFly Power Forever!!!