Iowegians goes to Caucus

alice-goes-to-caucus.jpgIt’s the Iowa Caucus, everybody!! Have you heard?! It’s the Iowa Caucus! It’s finally here! Finish up with the milking, get those chickens fed, let’s head on into town and let’s do some caucusing!!!

Not so fast you Republicans… You guys have a whole lot less to be thrilled about. Apparently, the Mormon Church’s “Dialing For Mittens” campaign is having an opposite reaction to the expected. Romney’s white-shirt-black-tie Dailing Army has become so annoying, Republicans are leaving the party campaign and voting for Obama instead!

One interesting item: Republican turnout calls are picking up Obama supporters on Republican caucus-goers lists. There is going to be a good government/reform vote for Obama crossing over from outside the usual Dem base; especially moderate GOP women. I’ve predicted an Obama Iowa win for a year and I am more confident than ever now. The difference is most local Iowa operatives of both parties now seem to think it’ll be Obama as well.

Richelieu goes on with the painful truth:

The Huckabee versus Romney race is very tight. Caucus turnout could be low; under 78,000 and that would help Huckabee. The crossover for Obama hurts a regular Republican like Romney who needs all the non-Christian conservative votes he can get. No doubt Romney has gained a tremendous amount in last 30 days, but it may not be enough. Mitt’s troops in eastern Iowa are confident and feel they dominate. Operatives in west Iowa and Polk county are far more worried.

Aww…Tough break for the Republicans!!! When the conservatives in big media are chewin’ their nails, it doesn’t seem to be a Blue Red Ribbon season for the Republicans! (Should have thought off all that when they swiped our Habeas Corpus and urinated on our Constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy!)

Even Andrew Sullivan, America’s most famous gay conservative, has a cute little story of an Iowegian lass who flips over the Big “O”:

I am a 31 year old single, professional female, and Iowa native living in Iowa City. I will be a first-time caucus goer tonight. I switched my affiliation from Republican to Democrat only a couple months ago. After many months of being drowned in candidates here in Iowa (I think we ceased having real commercials on TV about a week ago, its been nothing but back-to-back political ads for days), I fully expected to feel relief that this day was finally here. More because I knew tomorrow all the incessant phone calls would stop (Mitt Romney’s campaign called once while I was listening to Obama speak) and life could get back to normal.

I was really surprised to find that when I woke up this morning and saw “Caucus” written on my calendar for today, I was actually excited. Excited to get to participate tonight. Excited when I came to work and found a decorated “O” cookie on my desk from a co-worker. Very excited to be among the very first in the nation to cast a vote for Barack Obama. The only other time I’ve ever been excited or optimistic about a candidate was for John McCain back in 1996, during his plaid shirt days, but even then I wasn’t motivated enough to caucus.asses of evil

And while Republican ooze channels its way through Iowa’s back roads and logging trails, the vaporous stench of corruption is leaking through the doors and crannies into the one room school houses where Republican caucusing takes place. The Brad Blog and Black Box Voting are stumping for attention on a few important messages:

The Iowa Republicans have NOT publicly agreed to promptly release precinct results for the Jan. 3 caucus. Instead, we are seeing bait and switch tactics, as they emphasize to caucus participants that the counting will be done in public at the precinct. While they keep your eye focused on the front end,housefly a switch can take place at the back end. When they release a total result to the media without releasing the individual precinct results at the same time, there is no way at all for citizens to confirm that their precinct results added up to the announced total.

Please CONTACT both the Iowa Republican Party and the Iowa Secretary of State to tell them you expect to see those precinct results published at the SAME time they announce the statewide total. Iowa Republican Party: (515) 282-8105 Iowa Secretary of State: 515-281-0145
515-281-7142 (Fax) sos@sos.state.ia.usGiuliani Smackdown

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking too: “The Republicans are so corrupt, they’ll infiltrate their own caucuses.”

Rotten Rudy Giuliani’s campaign is quickly becoming the laughing stock of the entire Gee-oh-Peee. When everybody thought it was that Arkansas Governor-slash-Jesus-Idiot who ditched Iowegians last night to be on Jay Leno and scab the Writers picket-line who would be the biggest joke, Giuliani simply ditcheds the entire state!! John Marshall says it best (via Crooks and Liars):

In Iowa, where admittedly Rudy hasn’t made much of a run at it, he now appears on track to come in last place among the major candidates. And, to be clear, I’m here defining ‘major’ rather generously as including Ron Paul. In other words, sixth place.

In New Hampshire, Rudy is similarly dropping like a stone. He may still come in third ahead of Mike Huckabee, though they now seem to be roughly tied there.

Nationally, Rudy appears either tied with Huckabee or in a three or four way tie with Huckabee, Romney and McCain, depending on which of the very most recent polls you look at. And expect that number (to borrow the Army aphorism) not to survive first contact with his drubbing in Iowa and New Hampshire.

tsk tsk… Poor Rudy! By the time his buddy Bernard Kerik appears in court to stand trial for being a Major Douche-bag – His race will be..will be… Hell – it’ll be a bigger laughing stock than Alan Keyes’ ehem…”Presidential Campaign”. Black Garbage Fly Says the Carpet Bagger Report of the Rudy and the Iowa Republican caucus goers:

Then, of course, Republicans got a good look at the guy, heard what he had to say, learned about Giuliani’s background, and dropped him like a hot potato. His campaign pulled out of the Ames straw poll, and Giuliani’s support in the state has been in free-fall ever since.

Fred Thompson…And Fredrick of Hollywood Thompson’s campaign? How’s he been doing? Well, when they’re not leaving his campaign and giving him the finger, his campaign staffers are emailing GOP mooks everywhere and asking them to write letters to friends and family to vote for Thompson. (Because he’s way too tired to write each and every letter himself!) Presumably that Republican political activists are far too stupid to write a letter of support for Thompson’s campaign, his campaign staffers offer tips on how to write a letter, and some brilliant ideas to include in the body of the letter.

1. Write 5 or more brief note cards telling an Iowa voter why Fred was a wonderful Senator and why he will make a great President. Many Tennesseans have a personal story to share. Or, if you prefer, use one of the talking points listed below.

2. Suggested greeting: “Dear Friend” or “Dear Fellow Republican.”

3. Suggested closing:

I hope that when you make your important decision, you’ll realize, as I have, that Fred Thompson deserves your vote. Unlike some candidates, he’s a consistent conservative. He was a conservative when he represented me in Tennessee. He’s a conservative today. And he’ll be a conservative as President.

Oooo… It just warms the cauculs of my soul! I’m going to find my No. 2 pencil and my wide-margin tablet and get to work right now!

…And to think about the time when Chris Matthews goes on his show and gushes about how “sexy” Fred Thompson by imagining he smells like Old Spice and hot-Daddy musk oil. It makes you want to laugh until you accidentally leak out a little pee in your bloomers.

houseflyBut the best is for the last (of course!). And that’s when the founders of RedState, one of the Republican’s most popular blog, beats the shit out of the entire GOP line-up…Literally.

First: I have withheld any statement of support for any GOP Presidential candidate because it seemed like bad idea, as a Director of the site, to make such an endorsement, and — God, how I’ve waited to say this — because the whole damned lot can go to Hell. What an incompetent mass of horse rear-flesh bound up in what, on paper, is one of the most talented groups the GOP has ever had. I could go on, but the full thing is in my concurrently posted piece, And the horses you all rode in on, one at a time, then rotate.

Red State founder Thomas demonstrates that he holds a special “fondness” for Mittens Romney with this:

His freaking political campaign is a cult, and I could have been one of his supporters but for the cult he founded. A pox on everyone formally associated with the campaign, and indeed, everyone ever formally associated with that cult.

And he illustrates his “love” with this fabulous little nugget:

And yet, we’re probably stuck with you, because of the incredible incompetence of your opponents. On the Wonder Years, an otherwise awful and highly forgettable show, the narrator once noted that his parents faced a conundrum when deciding how to decorate the kitchen. Dad would insist on some tile he liked. Mom would insist on some tile she liked. They’d compromise on some tile no one in our species liked.

You are that tile, Mitt. You are the “Eh,” Candidate. Congratulations.

I just can’t catch my breath from laughing so hard. I think I’ve got some milk coming through my nose… That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard a Republican say or write in years!FruitFly 6

So get on out there Iowa!! Get those barns cleaned out, get those cows milked and somebody get those eggs picked! Get on your best gingham (blue if your a Democrat and red if your an Idiot), get that wagon hitched and go get Caucused!!!

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