Cannibalism

Frizzie McBeeHello. We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming in order to bring you this special news bulletin. My name is Frizzie McBee and this is FFN news.

Today at the San Diego Zoo, Simba, the male African lion was caught eating one of his own cubs. Samba, the female who’s recent birth produced a rare litter of three cubs were brutaly killed today by their father.

“It’s a rare event it the Lion Kingdom” said the lions’ handler Mandy Pocktman. “Usually, the female will protect the cubs, but not always.”

While it’s unfortunate, our sympathies go out too the Zoo staff and the patrons of the San Diego Zoo.

In related news, The Republican party has all but chewed up Congresswoman Katherine Harris and rejectedKathrine Harris her like she’s a bad disease.

On May 7th, the FL GOP president sent a letter to Congresswoman Harris stating that she was far too insane to be an intelligent senator and they would no longer be supporting her.

For more on this story, we go to Peter Petters who’s in Sarasota, FL at this very minute. Peter, what have you got to add to this startling new revelation?

weather guy hurricaneYes Frizzie! A lot of interesting events happening here at Ms. Harris’ campaign headquarters! First, is the revelation that Congresswoman Harris is under investigation by the Dept of Justice for taking illegal campaign contributions! In other related news, Governor Jeb Bush, President Bush’s younger brother has told Katherine Harris that although he and the entire Bush Family appreciates Ms. Harris’ election-rigging in 2000, but that her services are no longer of interest.

cruellaCongresswoman Harris’ gave a speech today where she received a standing ovation from her audience after a rousing speech blaming the liberal media for not paying enough attention to her. The audience jumped to their feet for a rousing applaus… all 27 of them.

Meanwhile, Congresswoman Harris’ campaign staffers keep leaving their posts to get more lucrative jobs at McDonalds and Burger King. Today, Jeremy Fairley, allegedly took a job at Perkins Restaurants, while Kristy Hedrick and Ashley Fishborn both allegedly took embarrassing positions as cashiers at McDonalds and Kristin Cochran allegedly has a new job installing bicycle inner-tubes on antique Schwinns bicycles.

I talked to all four of them and each left for the same reasons. They all allege that Ms. Harris has a severe case of Halitosis.

“Ms. Harris said I could make money for college if I folded envelopes. But, that was whenbad breath she was obviously using breath mints. Because now, when I do something wrong, she yells and screams for an hour. It isn’t her yelling and throwin’ a tantrum or nuthin’, it’s her breath! It’s like smelling rotting fish on the beach!

Ms. Harris, being devoured by Republicans, is now being devoured by attorneys. This is Peter Petters of FFN News. Back to you Frizzie!

Frizzie McBeeThank you Peter! …It’s a lot of blood-shed going on. While we apologize for talking badly about a Republicans or the Republican Party. We have received special permission from the Oval Office Department of Censorship. And, we at FFN recognize that speaking poorly of any Republican or any ongoing investigation against a Republican is strictly forbidden, highly unusual, and we wanted to point out that we did receive a special permit to run this story.

Lastly to note is this stunning report: The Republicans are flocking to support Democrat Senator Joe Lieberman.

Today, Vice-President Dick Cheney, President Bush and former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan all gave high praise to Senator Leiberman’s work as a politician, and even sexier man that appears on television.

Bush Kiss“He’s mega-Hot!” said President Bush. “Jeff and me with Jeff Gannon in order to spend more intimate time with Joe!” Other Republicans have expressed their lust for Senator Lieberman. Congressman Chris Shays (R-CT) said; “Joe?! Oh man…he’s really hot! That skin underneath his neck on most men is just gross. But with Joe Lieberman, it’s just downright sexy! Anybody who doesn’t vote for Lieberman are just plain crazy!”

Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman stated publically that he has invited Senator Lieberman with an intimate dinner for two in a swanky restaurant in New Haven. “I’ve been trying to dive into his pants for years now… He just won’t break his relationship with President Bush. It’s a shame too..Senator Lieberman is one of the sexiest men alive!”

SatanMeanwhile, Pat Robertson of the 700 Club supports Senator Lieberman’s career as a politician and as a very sexy man and has offered to marry the Senator and the President in Massachusetts. “Since I am an ordained minister, I would be flattered to marry the two favorite men in my life.”

Disgraced Congressman Tom Delay has also expressed his love for Senator Lieberman, calling him “one of the sexiest men alive in politics today.” Meanwhile in the Media Industry, everyone seems to agree with Delay‘s opionion about Senator Lieberman being extremely sexy. Sean Hannity and David Horowitz and Bill O’Reilly all have expressed their love and support for the Senator-Presidential love-couple. Sean Hannity even took the time to say; “I dont know…I just think he’s plain sexy!” David Horowitz expresses a great deal of excitement over Joe Lieberman’s physique and sexy-body. “If I could get my hands on that man….” and he follows up the sentance by licking his lips slowly. Even the Washington reports that the “[White House] The administration, on the other hand, can’t stop gushing over Lieberman.”

While there has been speculation that Senator Lieberman is in reality, a bi-sexual, many have disagreed and have applauded his public position toward his sexuality and being an obvious.
In the meantime, Wal-Mart in corporate headquarters has offered to supply all of the wedding materials for the happy couple if they choose to get married in the liberal blue state of Massachusetts.

Lastly, we wanted to let you know that President of CEO of FFN news, The Fruit Fly, isFruit Fly recovering well from his heartattack last March. The Fruit Fly, America’s favorite homosexual, has been excercizing regularly with rollerblades and his propellor beanie while leering suggestively at men jogging along the same bicycle-pathways and are shaking their hairy-man-boobs.

That’s all the news. My name is Frizzie McBee. and we bring you back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress…We thank you for tuning into FFN News Network… The Only News You Need to Know!

Good night!

The Fruit Fly

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One Response

  1. I didn’t go work at McDonald’s! It was Burger King! Gosh… 🙂

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