Who Flung Pooh?

I swear to God, The Gods, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu and Isis, this is a true story. Complete with the coincidence of the time-line.

VishnuWith friends last Thursday night for dinner… My dearest Love says to them; “I’m trying to talk him <me!> to go with me <him!> to the Candlelight Vigil at Church on Christmas Eve night.”

Now think Phyllis Diller humor, or sarcasm for a minute… Our companions at dinner, gasped and laughed when they heard that I was going to Westminster for Candlelight Services on Christmas Eve. All of of them said in suprise; “You?!??” “You’re going to Church?!?!” And then there were peals of laughter and lots of spitting at me.

Yes, I said “spitting”. (We’re always spitting at each other when we’re eating. My husband says; “Please pass more mashed potatoes”. So, I pass them and spit on them as I hand him the potatoes. He’ll take what he wants and spits on them and hands them back to me…)

But, I digress. Excitedly, my husband is telling them he might have convinced me to join him on Sunday Eve and everybody’s in shocked that I would even consider it. They’re all laughing and I finally said; “Yeah.. I’ll walk into that Sanctuary at Westminster on Christmas Eve and that Baby Jesus will wakeup, crawl out of that manger, point his chubby baby-sized finger at me and say; ‘Who in the fuck are you!!?”

…We’ve been laughing about the outburst for three days now. Saturday night he said to me; “Are you really going with me tomorrow night to the Westminster Candlelight vigil?” And I grinned and said; “If I get a chance to see that little Baby Jesus look at me and say “who the fuck are you”? Are you kidding?! How often does that happen?! I’m there!”

Body SnatchersNow please don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against Westminster Prebyterian Church per se. However, it should be noted that Minnesota Presbyterians are hated up here. Whether you’re in a funeral procession, or attending a wedding; you’re always faced with a Presbyterian who’s all up in your grill about the Presbytery. Like, they think if you’re not a Presbyterian, it’s a guarantee that you’re going to H-E-Double Hockey-Sticks. Those damned Presbyterians go door to door, riding their bicycles, wearing those white shirts with that black tie. I’m always yellin’ at them from my car as I drive by; “Get a real religion you freaking Presbyterians!!”

Damned Presbyterians… They’re the only Protestant faiths with the letter “Y” in the name.

The other night, I settled down to scan the ‘Internet Horizon’,Pelted and I begin with Landover Baptist Church and “Oh Snap! Look at this headline:”

Baby Jesus Leaps From Manger, Hurls Wet Manure Into Faces of Shocked Audience

Note this photo. The creater, rather than show the Baby Jesus flipping the bird, he shows us the results of the Baby Jesus’ pooh-flinging at both Mary and James. (That’s Mary Matalin, not the Mary, Mother of Jesus you understand.)

The pooh was flung at these two from both political parties. My guess: It’s James Carville’s party that has been throwing the most pooh lately. What with his calling for Howard Dean’s resignation from the DNC within weeks AFTER the 2006 election. What happened to James Carville anyway?

And, who flung pooh that “Horrible Mary Kay”? It’s stunning, because even her snear doesn’t even smudge that bad make-up job one single bit. She’s still ugly. It’s stunning what these conservative Republican women could accomplish if they’d simply get them “a Gay” to help them with these crises’. Just ask Kathy Griffen. But, with James Carville leaking Dem information to his wife, it’s no wonder the Dems have begun to pooh-flunging at both of them! One day, we can hope Dick Shooter Cheney will take “Horrible Mary-Kay” quail hunting and improve that make-up job of hers.

While Christmas stories are being discussed. Let’s remember that Google Earth Killed Santa, and here’s how it happened. (Hint: He even has the time to note a Google Search resulting in a nude sunbather on a rooftop somewhere in The Netherlands.) I’ve looked closely at this photo, and I can say confidently that I have not had sex with this person. I’m a liberal, but even liberals like me have to draw the line somewhere.

The Boy Scouts have their own problems. They’re willing to discriminate against gays, while accepting public funds. I was hoping to get a Merit Badge on my own. I would get my Drama Queen patch in less than twenty minutes, and with my badges in knot-tieing and Pitching, they’d elect me leader of “the Pack”.

Let’s go to Kansas. Why the hell not? We might get a clue asDorothy’s Slippers to who stole Dorothy’s ruby-red slippers from her memorial museum in Grand Rapids, MN. (My odds you’re thinking with will be another gay story, and you’d be right!) Did anybody notice this weird gay-lez Liberal Movement appearing within the beltway of America’s Heartland? First, it’s the Republicans that are bailing from the “Grand Older Party” down there and now they’re starting to find Queers who sit on the city counsels and asking the rest of the city to think seriously about this issue.

Are you seriously kidding me? I can solve this mysterious entanglement quickly: We go to Kansas, we get a search warrant for Dorothy’s “hot” slippers and raid every drag queen’s closet and shoe tree for those smelly old slippers, and then we run the GOP off to the Land of Oz. Those damned little Munchkins could use a little GOP action in their lives, and the Grand Wizard of Oz could certainly use the hot air for that ballon of his.

This is a piece I think is fantastic. JoeBacon, a buddy of Barbie Poop mine in SoCal found it. It’s a new Barbie piece where you can buy Barbie a dog and it will poop for you! (Hint; If you click the picture, you’ll get to see the YouTube commercial for Barbie’s dog “Tanner”.)

Barbie, like in so many other things, fails miserably in potty-training her own. What’s patently obvious, like her boy friend Ken, the Barbie pooch has been neutered.

Finally with this “package” that Mattel is selling to your children; the “vaccuum pump”. They’re selling a real live shit-sucker for their Barbie. Corporate America can by such hypocrits. Do you remember when Mattel actually filed a lawsuit against Aqua for doing that song that spoofs Barbie? Mattel thought anybody making a parody about their Barbie was worth the attorney’s fees. Mattel lost and then Weird Al comes along and spoofs Aqua! Now that same Mattel corporation is releasing their latest product line for Barbie; A dog named Tanner that shits everywhere and a vaccuum pump to suck the shit off my living room rug.

By the way, if you pay attention to the original Aqua song, you’ll notice they included a dog with a doghouse! Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!! Dammit Barbie!! You’re little dog just peed on our area rug in the living room!

Isn’t there a Barbie Bitch out there somewhere?

So there you have it. Barbie’s gotten rid of Ken and has a self-pooping dog. The poop that’s laying around because Barbie’s a lazy-ass, gets picked up by the Baby Jesus and throws it at that Squealing James, and Horrible Mary Kay. Then some drag queen steals Dorothy’s smellies in Grand Rapids, MN., drives The Fruit Fly to Kansas and then converts some GOP freaks to become “lib-rul”. I get three merit badges; “Be-yotch”, “Swish” and one for being “Fabulous”. And I get three gold stars for not having sex with the freak that’s sunbathing on the roof in The Netherlands. And on Christmas Eve, the Baby Jesus crawled out of his manger like it was Ground Hog Day, pointed a fat little finger at me and said; “Who in the fuck are you?!?”

I swear this is a true story.

Kudzu and Criminals

The Republican machine winds up their propaganda arm andLillith Span of Satan produces yet another piece of tripe with Debra J Saunders column; After Election, Foley Story Fizzles. Her piece is presented with a glow-in-the-dark Halo, stumped as to why anybody would think Mark Foley did anything wrong! In her view, since the Republican Ethics Committee found nothing wrong with what Foley did, nor anything wrong with what they themselves did, then obviously ‘this is just a horrible story gone bad’.

Which means: There was no cover-up. GOP staffers only saw the e-mails in which Foley had asked a former page for his “pic” and commented that another page was in “good shape.” As reporters for the Miami Herald and St. Petersburg Times discovered, the2005 e-mails did not warrant a story. As one editor noted, the e-mails didn’t prove that Foley was “anything but creepy.”

That’s it?! That’s all? Oh thank the gods we have these incredibly intelligent Republicans to help us out with these issues. We’re all so oblivious here on the political left, you know?! I’m so grateful we have “Ethically Driven” people like Saunders and the rest of the lot to help us decipher what is “innocent” (Mark Foley) and what is “naughty”. We’re so confused on that “naughty” part, aren’t we?

Scuse me! Ms Saunders! Can you help me decipher this “naughty” thing for me?!

Maf54 (7:54:31 PM): where do you unload it
[redacted screenname] (7:54:36 PM): towel
Maf54 (7:54:43 PM): really
(7:55:02 PM): completely naked?
[redacted screenname] (7:55:12 PM): well ya
Maf54 (7:55:21 PM): very nice
[redacted screenname] (7:55:24 PM): lol
Maf54 (7:55:51 PM): cute butt bouncing in the air
[redacted screenname] (7:56:00 PM): haha
[redacted screenname] (7:56:05 PM): well ive never watched myslef
[redacted screenname] (7:56:08 PM): but ya i guess
Maf54 (7:56:18 PM): i am sure not
Maf54 (7:56:22 PM): hmmm
Maf54 (7:56:30 PM): great visual
Maf54 (7:56:39 PM): i may try that
[redacted screenname] (7:56:43 PM): it works
Maf54 (7:56:51 PM): hmm
Maf54 (7:56:57 PM): sound inetersting
Maf54 (7:57:05 PM): i always use lotion and the hand
Maf54 (7:57:10 PM): but who knows
[redacted screenname] (7:57:24 PM): i dont use lotion…takes too much time to clean up
[redacted screenname] (7:57:37 PM): with a towel you can just wipe off….and go
Maf54 (7:57:38 PM): lol
Maf54 (7:57:45 PM): where do you throw the towel
[redacted screenname] (7:57:48 PM): but you cant work it too hard….or its not good
[redacted screenname] (7:57:51 PM): in the laundry
Maf54 (7:58:16 PM): just kinda slow rubbing

That’s about all I can to cut-n-paste on that topic. If you want, you can go read the entire transcript yourself .

Saunders, obviously thinks there’s nothing disturbing, admits that she doesn’t necessarily “condone” Foley’s behavior.

While I don’t condone Foley’s behavior, it should be noted that Foley was sending e-mails to former pages, including college students, not, as one columnist asserted, “16-year-old pages.” As the report noted, “Foley may have been using the page program to in part at least identify possible future recipients of graphic communications.” That would make Foley sleazy, despicable and deserving to be booted out of office — but not a pedophile.

Aww, c’mone Saunders! I’m not a journalist, but aren’t you supposed to document your work? What “columnist” are you quoting?

“Shame on all of us here! According to some columnist, claiming it was as horrific to allude ot be 16 year old pages? Why that’s just terrible! No Republican Congressman would ever do that. We’re all just a bunch of perverts and we’re all out to make these good-minded, patriotic, Christian men and women look bad!”

Is that what you’re saying?!

Saunders even ventures out enough of her weasle hole by throwing a few of them under the bus;

There was a failure by Scott Palmer and Ted Van Der Meid — top GOP aides — as well as GOP Rep. John Shimkus, who chaired the board that oversees pages, to investigate whether the smoke of the 2005 e-mails would reveal fire elsewhere.

Okay, okay… Now I get it!! Saunders is saying; “Well, there may have been a couple of minor boo-boo’s out there, but that doesn’t change the fact that Mark Foley didn’t deserve the horrors of being protrayed as a sexual predator.”

To note, The Raw Story’s post on the Republican “cover-up“, one would have to look at this:

Today, House Speaker Dennis Hastert sought to clear up that confusion by releasing a statement which read in part, “No one in the Republican Leadership, nor Congressman Shimkus, saw those [instant] messages until last Friday when ABC News released them to the public.”

Ahhh… now it’s starting to make even less sense! The Republican led ethics committee didn’t do anything wrong because there was no cover-up? Oh..wait a second. I think I confused myself.

They confirm that John Shimkus (R-IL), the chair of the House Page Committee, was aware of the problem and that he didn’t tell Dale Kildee (D-MI), the only Democrat on the three-person board about the instant messaging because “Dale’s a nice guy, but he’s a Democrat, and I was afraid it would be blown out of proportion.” And to ensure that it was swept under the carpet instead, he didn’t even tell his fellow Republican on the board, Shelly Moore Capito, of West Virginia.

Oh Debra, Debra, Debra… Did someone have a gun pointed at your head when you wrote that piece?! Because, in my judgement, that’s the only excuse you have to explain what heppened here. I’m actually stunned that Creators Syndicate keeps you on a payroll.

She even mourns the way Foley fled in shame and embarrassment by saying:

To me, the biggest irony is that Foley probably would have helped the GOP more if he had not resigned immediately after ABC News reported the explicit e-mails. If Foley had waited a day or two, the news story would have been on the pressure mounting for Foley to resign to atone for his crude behavior. But the quick resignation — which Speaker Denny Hastert and other GOP leaders had sought — meant that outraged critics had to look elsewhere for a scalp.

Awww…. The sympathy is overwhelming. You see, if Foley had just waited it out (while continuing his conversations about masterbation, ejaculation, favorite sexual fantasies) just a few more days — this all would have had very different results!!

Now c’mon Ms. Saunders. Really this time. Tell us who has a gun pointed at your head to write this kind of drivel and we all promise to dial 9-1-1 and get someone to come to your aide. Really. Honest!! We promise we will dial 9-1-1 ! So tell us already! C’mon….

Oh well, who cares what you think.

The Florida State Attorney’s office seems to think there’s something worth persuiting. Even if your Republican (sans Ethics) Party misses the boat completely.

Florida Statue 847.0137 seems to disagree with you:

“A Florida law makes it a third-degree felony, punishable by up to five years in prison, to transmit ‘material harmful to minors by electronic device,'”

(h/t to the Raw Story)

kudzuI believe that crime, as well as love, is an “entity”, or a living thing. It’s like kudzu. It can grow, expand in a variety of directions and ways that morph into larger and bigger entities of it’s own self. That sounds pretty kooky, doesn’t it? But, it’s true.

Let me explain. We have a sexual predator who tags young men on the computer. This is a crime in most states as well as the very Federal Laws that Foley had passed himself. But, the crime grows, doesn’t it?

The Congressional pages, apparently all of them who are working for Republican congressman and Senators, knew that Foley was a bit “weird”. The crime grew when a few of those pages present their complaints about Foley and the complaints were ignored. This is a double-crime:

The page(s) is made a cry for help and nobody listened.
Ignoring that cry, allowed Foley to continue his sexual communications, as well as to add more young men to be abused by him.

Now this double crime splits a third time because by ignoring the page(s) complaint(s) and allowing Foley to continue and it was all in exchange for keeping power in Congress and in the United States.

And, the crime continues to grow. The Republican Party, while out on lobbying junkets, checking out sweatshops in Siapan, golfing in Ireland, more and more of their own pages are being hit on…encouraged to talk about their sex-lives, and a variety of other things. And the crime continues to grow to a point where the Republican lead Ethics committee decided that by marginalizing their apathy towards their young men, publish their findings after the election by saying “Well, no ‘rules’ were broken.”

Then there’s the crime of complete and utter contempt for the victims. Are they not worth consideration anymore? We in the United States cross the line between a minority and adult, and it’s true that the same line in other countries is at a much younger age. I realize that, and I think most people realize that. But when we focus our full attention on the perpetrator, and ignore the victime, the crime becomes all the more worse.

The crime comes to a full stop at the State Attorney’s office in Tallahnassee. But, since Jeb is still governor, and being replaced by a rumored gay Republican, I’ve given up any expectation that Foley’s actions will be brought to justice.

Perhaps I should take a Matt Damon approach to this entire story for Ms. Debra J Saunders by saying; “Hey Debra!! How old is your son? Is he old enough to work as a Congressional Page? Let’s get your boy to help out Mark Foley get over his alleged drinking problem and get his life ‘straightened’ out! m’Kay?”

My biggest problem with this entire story, including the filth that Ms Saunders spits out of her MS Word software is with the boy(s) and this Holiday Season. It’s to their embarrassment, and the horror of their parents, and to the shame in front of their friends that everybody seems to ignore. “Who cares? …It’s making a Republican look bad!!!” is beyond disgust. When I was in grade school, I was sexually molested daily for well over six months by my 5th gradeschool teacher until that monster was discovered. We were terrorized into keeping quiet, or we were bribed, and when it was discovered — my friends and I weren’t given counseling nor were we ever allowed to discuss it. Ms. Saunders and the Republican Party dismisses Mark Foley, some of Ms. FruitFlySaunders political pundits even tried to put the blame on the “young men”! And what all of them don’t realize is that they’re the criminals, every single one of them, along with Mark Foley.

The Sinking Island

Walking Away from New Orleans:
The Army Corps of Engineers is trying to sneak out the back door on the city of New Orleans, one of the oldest cities in North America. I’m trying to remember, what exactly our Decider in Chief said about this city. Do you remember? I don’t seem to recall… Oh yes, now I remember! It was SeptJax Square 15th, 2005:

And tonight I also offer this pledge of the American people: Throughout the area hit by the hurricane, we will do what it takes. We will stay as long as it takes to help citizens rebuild their communities and their lives.

Meanwhile, while I still haven’t heard where the DNC is holding their 2008 Presidential Primaries, I’m still hoping they decide on New Orleans. (By the way…weren’t they supposed to announce their plans this month?!) Lots of folks are pining away hoping it’ll be New York or Denver. I disagree; I think it should be New Orleans. Face it, New Yorkers had to put up with the GOP in 2004’s election, and Denver…Well, they hate their gay and lesbian people and yet they love their crack-pipe homosexual ministers. So, screw those guys. My pick; New Orleans, and then New York and then who cares where they have it?

Thieves, Sexual Predators, Hypocrits (a.k.a. Evangelical Chiristians)

Colorado hasn’t had so much attention in the past three months. It’s a proven fact: You can get picked up and laid by a homosexual faster in an Evangelical Church than you can at a gay bar in Denver. I don’t even think you need to wear Prada…just show up with your Bible. You can use it as a cushion when your Fundie-friend needs something between his head and the bathroom wall. (Unless you’re “the catcher” of course.)

PredatorNot that I’m counting notches on my axe handle; but I think we’re up to 3 gay Fundies and 1 gay Whore out there in Colorado. In comparison, The White House still has the 1 gay Whore, but they have far more gay Fundies than Denver does. It’s no wonder the Konservative Kristian Koaltion wants to make gay marriage illegal on the US Constituteion. They think it’s better to procreate with their wives and keep their whores on the side whenever convenient. The very idea of marrying your Whore is completely out of the question!

So far, the score-board looks like this:

1.) Ted Haggard of course.

2.) Then it was Reverend Paul Barns, Grace Chapel

3.) And now it’s back to the New Life Church, and Christopher Beard. (Yes folks…that’s his last name: “Beard”.)

The Hunt for Terry Rakolta

Terry Rakolta was a woman from Detroit, Mich who carried the torch to try to ban Fox’s ‘Married With Children” because of an episode that involved two heterosexual male characters that were trapped in a store overnight in a shopping mall where they encountered:

“…There was a homosexual, a man in stockings and a woman who took off her bra (see the picture of topless Playboy Miss June 1985 Devin Velasquez playing “Vicki” at the bottom).”

In the early 90’s Ms. Rakotla went into an “insane-crazy rage” and wrote letters to the advertisers and demanded that they “Stop and Dicease” any relationship with Fox Television. It turned out to be a two-edged sword: Fox Television moved the series up a half hour per her request, and the television show became even more popular! Meanwhile, Fox Television became America’s first “media whore”.
JokerNow it’s the conservative Christians who are publishing a brand-new video game available just in time for Christmas. It’s a game related to the “Rapture” were Christ comes back and rescues all of His beleivers. The game however, allows the players to shoot non-beleivers, Jews, Muslims and every social sub-group that Christians hate the most. (Hint: Think “cyber Hate-crimes”.) Leave it to those conservatives: If they don’t like something on their television, they’ll find a way to make something worse to put up there.

Time Magazine Continues to Shill Hoping to Find Readers
Time decided to make “you” the “Time Person of the Year”. Desperate to keep their conservative rag on the shelves, Time’s marketing department put a piece of refletive tin foil on the cover hoping they can find readers that are more vain and narcissistic than their own selves.Time is Me

Kos agrees with me the best in all of the hoop-la. Time’s suffering their own journalists and stories and their own fainting fight to attract “new customers” [liberals, young voters, and the entire Middle Class] threw “YOU” under the bus in order to make a nickle. The grin is with Kos’ note about the Chrysler ad.

That’s a pretty big Ooops.

Meanwhile, I believe the over all marketing campaign was designed to be “flattering”. It’s when the Republican Party continues to implode, and Time/Warner is desperate to find anybody interested in who the hell cares. My hint to Time: “Get around to being at least a little bit moderate and see how far it moves you.”
Southern Methodist University Says “NO!” to a GW Bush Presidential Library

SMU, located in Dallas and Mrs Bush’s alma mater, is protesting the Bush Family Empire’s attempts to give them a George W Bush Library. Apparently, not interested in building a library just to hold thousands of copies of “My Pet Goat”, SMU slammed back at the Family Empire by saying:

We count ourselves among those who would regret to see SMU enshrine attitudes and actions widely deemed as ethically egregious: degradation of habeas corpus, outright denial of global warming, flagrant disregard for international treaties, alienation of long-term U.S. allies, environmental predation, shameful disrespect for gay persons and their rights, a pre-emptive war based on false and misleading premises, and a host of other erosions of respect for the global human community and for this good Earth on which our flourishing depends.

The letter concludes, “[T]hese violations are antithetical to the teaching, scholarship, and ethical thinking that best represents Southern Methodist University.”

birdThe only way to say “No, Thank you” any more politely is to wear a garlic necklace and flip them the bird!

Does anybody remember the grand opening of the Clinton Library? Everybody I’ve met who’ve been to the Clinton Library swoons over it. “It’s beautiful!”, or “It was wonderful!”, or something similar. The conservatives snickered and mocked it, thinking everybody would agree with them that the library would be dopey and lame.

The George W Bush Library, I’ll predict, will be the worst presidential library and attended less than the Nixon Library out in Yorba Linda, CA.

Colin Powell Admited to Reading a Script when He Gave the Counterfeited Materials to the UN Security Council that Lead Up To The War

An independant reporter caught Colin Powel outside of the CBS studios a got the former Secretary a little bit “hot under the collar”. In the exchange, Colin Powell not only admitted that he was simply following along with what the script said, but that he was nothing but a useless meat-puppet. Now there’s a legacy to be proud of, huh?

In his defense, Colin Powell bailed on the Bush Administration as fast as he could – while being “professional” about it.

If you want to simply cut to the chase and check out the video, click here.

Vice President Dick “Shooter” Cheney Will Testify
Aww, don’t tell me the Bush Royal Family will have to stoop so low as to testify in behalf of “the Palace Help”! Say it isn’t so!!

Poor Dick. Here is his butler, Scooter, who’s now facing all kinds of charges and Scooter throws Shooter under the bus! It’s just difficult finding good “help” these days isn’t it?

He’s already been told to fess up the Visitation Logs, which can’t be flattering information on his behalf. Because now he’s appealing that decision! Perhaps someone should remind the Vice President (and the President as well) that both of these two serve at the Will Of The People and not their own.

Meanwhile, Shooter’s boss…

Boosh’s Polls Falling Even Farther With the War on Terror and The Bush-Iraqi War

Yes it’s true. Bush’s newest poll numbers out of CNN say that he’s dropped down to 28%. 70% disapprove of Bush’s handling of this dibacle. With my handy 8-function Casio; I believe that will make it less than One Third of the American people like this idiot!!

There’s even a short video! Honey!! Do We Have Any Microwaveable Popcorn?!! Bush’s polls are nose-diving worse than a kamikazi pilot!!

Gays Steal Rainbow Colors; Christians To Steal It Back

Christians, angry that gays and lesbians exist, demand that they stop using the rainbow colors to spread perversion and depravity. Hence, “Take Back Our Rainbow Inc.” has begun to sell refrigerator magnets, bumper stickers and angrily insist that gay’s stop using it. There’s even a petition they’ve put up hoping to get everybody to sign it and gays and lesbians will begin to be intimidated, and start throwing their rainbow keychains, doggie coats and scarves and everything else that’s gay, into the trash and crawl into a hole and go away.

To quote:

Since it’s first usage in 1978, the symbol of the rainbow has been gradually taken away from the general populace and reserved for the use of the gay community. A natural phenomena and generally beautiful symbol should not be reserved for use in just the homosexual community, but be available for use without prejudice for the whole of society.

I don’t think anybody told these Loosers that the GLBT Rainbow flag isn’t about “gays” per se. The Rainbow Flag is a symbol of diversity, which means we’ll have to put up with these idiots among us. When will these nut-jobs begin stealing Jesse Jackson’s rainbow and complain about the “horrors of diversity”?

Rainbow Push Coalition

Jackson’s group isn’t complaining about the GLBT rainbow flag, what’s the problem with these people? Less I sound pedantic, the GLBT rainbow flag’s colors represents “diverse” things like: GLBT Flag

Red: Life
Orange: Healing

Yellow: Sun

Green: Nature

Blue: Serenity

Lavender (Purple): Spirit

They whine that the rainbow is a “Holy Symbol”, just as their “fish” symbol is allegedly “holy”. They even warn the Hateful Faithful Christians that GLBT’s very well might steal their Holy Fish symbol too.

“We are a company that believes it is time to take a stand for our beliefs and we are asking all Christians to do the same,” the business’s website reads. “Let’s all stand up and take our rainbow back. Those who choose to pervert this holy symbol may have well taken the cross or the Christian Fish (symbol). They may soon do this because we are doing nothing to stop the use of our symbols for perversion.”

Christians? Worried about “holy symbols”? Are these “holy symbols” just like the hundreds of thousands of “holy symbols” that these Christians desecrated belonging to Native Americans? …Just wondering, you know.

The Fruit Fly

FFNews: Argyle Sweaters and Gay Rights

Good evening and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name isFrizzie Rummy Frizzie McBee. We are breaking into your regular scheduled surfing in order to bring you the latest breaking news. As you may recall last July, we brought to you the horrors and atrocities of what’s happened with heterosexual marriage in Massachusettes. I’m afraid I have even more bad news to report on this topic.

Today, the New Jersey legislature has passed same-sex partnerships, giving them the same legal rights as heterosexual couples, without allowing them to call it “a marriage”. The horrors of broken heterosexual marriages were apparent within minutes of the announcement. For more on this, we’re going to talk to our GLBT Correspondent Britt Flume. Britt, it’s good to see you again!

Well Frizzie, it’s a pleasure for me too. Those who have opposed this move by the Legislature in Trenton have argued that this could cause problems with the lack of restricting out of state same-sex couples from coming to New Jersey and getting married here. To quote:

Opponents of same-sex marriage contend the New Jersey decision could have a national impact because the state imposes no residency requirements for people seeking marriage. In essence: It could open the door for gay and lesbian couples from other states to marry in New Jersey and challenge laws against same-sex marriage in their own states. It’s a DOMA-Loop-hole.

CheersClearly, “Hetero Jersians” are doubly terrified of this move because it will mean gay and lesbians couples will bring loads of money into the state and quit possibly, get married right here in Atlantic City. Secondly, it will also mean their own heterosexual marriages are guaranteed to fall apart and break into utter chaos.

Earlier, I was interviewing a native “Hetero Jersian” here and filed this report.

“Good evening, sir. May I have a word with you?”

broadbent“A-yup! But ya gotta walk with me Sonny, I’m filing for divorce from my wife and filing for a same-sex union with my wife’s brother Bernie.”

“Sir, you do realize that this new law does not require you to divorce from a heterosexual marriage, nor does it require you to get into a gay marri…”

“I know, I know… I’m not dumb you know. It was when the legislature passed the law, I thought it was high time for a change in my life. I said to myself; ‘Self! You need a new direction in life. You need to dump your wife Ethel and you should try to be a homosexual for a while.’ So, I called my brother-in-law Bernie, he felt the same way and so we’re getting married as a same-sex couple and see how that goes for a while.”

“Sir, are you sure you know what you and your future … ahh… ummm.. ‘husband’ are getting into? I mean, do you have an affection for your brother-in-law Bernie?”

“Of course I do! He likes roses, bowling and early suppers at the Old Country Buffet. Where I like Craftsman tools, racing cars and peonies. Bernie thinks it’s genetics, I think it’s all about that prenup he’s expecting me to sign. Now get out of my way, I’ve gotta get the divorce forms. …I sure hope Ethel has someone in her Quilting Circle that has the hots for her…”

Frizzie, I also spent time in the tourists’ section in Atlantic City and interviewed some couples there. In the clip here, I found some people who were headed off to the developing riots breaking out in the streets.


sidewalkExcuse me…may I have a word with you?

Shur! But you’ll have to help me carry some of these molotov cocktails. Here, you can carry these for bottles and I’ll get these five. We’re going to start rioting in front of the casinos hoping to scare the straight couples into becoming gay.

Sir, you realize that you can’t actually scare a straight guy into being gay, don’t you?

Of course you can! We call it “Getting Foleyfied”! It’s how all of us GLBTFoley Bush Fish recruit new members to our agenda! Everybody knows that since we can’t procreate, that we have to get married to our same-sex partners and then we’ve gotta recruit! First, we start by lurking around MySpace websites, then we start sending some emails to ’em… You see?! We can recruit however, whoever and whenever we want!

Ummm… Then why am I running with you carrying four molotov cocktails waiting to be ignited and thrown at straight people?

To recruit the “older ones”! We need older gays to help out with the recruiting process so that we can ‘procreate’ faster! So, how many have you recruited?

Ummm…I think I’m going to set these bottles down and let you go on from here… I think my ahhh..my ‘boyfriend’ is calling me on my cell-phone. Thanks!! Good luck on that ‘molotive-cocktail recruiting” thing you have going on!! Gotta go!”

Frizzie, as you can see, this recent move by the New Jerseygaycop legislature is causing a great deal of noise here and on the streets. It’s safe to say that the James Dobsons and the Jerry Falwells have predicted it well; “Gays and gay-marriage really do break up heterosexuality and that it truly does destroy the great American family!”

Just recently, Mary Cheney, Vice President Dick Cheney’s daughter, announced that she was pregnant with her life-partner Heather Poe. But Ms. Poe is nothing but a tool for the Republican National Convention, so who cares anyway?

Dr Dobson was asked by Time Magazine to write his response about the pregnancy. He wrote the response, plagiarized research work produced by professor NYU Professor Carol Gilligan and Dr. Kyle Pruett, School of Medicine, Yale and mis-represented the results of their research. Both professors responded immediately by viciously objecting to Dr. Dobson’s misrepresentation of the results of their work.

Both of them demanded that Dr. Dobson never quote them, or their work, ever again. It was like the Pope quoting Galilaeo and trying to sound intelligent.

Thanks Britt, nice to see you and it’s horrifying to see what’s going on these days right in our own backyards!

You may also be interested to note an interesting tidbit. It’s been exactly 1 year, 4 months and 2 days since New Jersey’s former governor Jim McGreevey came flying out of the “Closet” like an old argyle sweater. And we think there very well might be a connection in there somewhere.

So on this we asked Legislative Correspondent Sheila DeJon to look in on this matter.

Sheila DeJonHello Frizzie! Yes, I’m in the Legislative Chambers in the New Jersey Senate Majority Leader office; Senator Allen Bale.

Senator Bale, it’s been only 1 year, 4 months and 3 days since our Governor Jim McGreevey came flying out of the Closet like an old argyle sweater. Can you tell me if there’s some kind of a connection with the New Jersey Legislation’s passing of this new bill for same sex couples today?

Yes Sheila, there’s a direct connection. The New Jersey Legislature has been well aware of what would happen once he came flying out of Closet like an old argyle sweater.

….and what would that connection be, exactly?

We all became gay! You see Sheila, when you come in physical contact with a gay person, Cruising you automatically “decide to become gay!” Nobody is really sure why, it just happens Since all of us met the former governor, and we all shook his hand…we all instantly decided we wanted to be gay!

Wait a second Senator. Are you saying I’ll start having these desires to start humping my son Aaron’s third grade school teacher, Ms. von der Slueth?

No Sheila, it doesn’t work that way. It only works with the same sex. If you were a male, you’d be more queer than a three dollar bill right now!

So, you’re saying Senator, that the entire New Jersey Legislature has come flying out of the Closet like an old argyle sweater?

Well, not all of them. Some of them are still in the Closet. But, it’ll be just a mater of time before Michael Rogers of that gay activist site Blog Active to get them to fly out of the Closet like an Old Argyle sweaters.

Rummy Is GoneWhat if someone doesn’t want to be gay, Senator? Heterosexual men insist that they remain: “Heterosexual”. What then?

I’m sorry Sheila. But, that’s just the way it goes! It’s “Nature’s way of keeping gay people fabulous!” But, you really haven’t seen the bigger picture!

Which is….

Which is, Sheila, that since former Congressman Mark Foley has come flying out of the Closet like an Old Argyle Sweater, almost 40% of Congress has decided to become gay in the past six weeks alone!

Dear God in Heaven…

That’s right Sheila, it won’t be very long before the “Great Gay Agenda” will be realized by all: “To make everybody queer and fabulous!!” Soon, everybody’s body will look and dress like Carson Kreskey of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but without the ‘straight guy’ of course.
I’m horrorfied. I think I have to boil my hands in water. …I shook hands with your secretary when I got here and she winked at me…and she was wearing a Harley leather jacket.

Jeff GannonBe safe Sheila, thank you.

Fruit Fly News has just learned that political homosexual orgies have already begun in the US Senate. Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) showed up on time and without a date. Senator Trent Lott (R-MS) showed up proudly showing off his escort; Jeff Gannon.

Senator Trent Lott was heard saying; “I borrahed him from the Prez-ident!! And I guess what?!! I get to play Pitcher this time!!”

In a related matter: There’s a new soy-based chocolate flavored milk shake that’s being introduced at McDonalds restaurants worldwide. It’s become widely known that the consumption of soy beans causes male children to be gay.

Minister James Rutz claims that soy makes children gay. “Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality,” he writes on WorldNewsDaily. “That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.”

In his article, Reverend Rutz includes a P.S. to his piece on this subject:

P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it’s perfectly safe because it’s fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.

frizzie fabulousAsian men everywhere have angrily disagreed stating; “Go tofu yourself, Rutz!”

That’s all the news for now. We thank you for tuning into Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.



FruitFly News: Scum, Scabs, Scraps and Leftovers

Frizze 1 headlineGood evening everybody, thank you for joining us and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee. On Tuesday, Dr. Robert Gates met with the United States Senate for confirmation hearings to replace Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld. Second to question Dr. Gates, Senator Carl Levin (D-MI) asked pointedly: “…Do you think we’re winning the Iraq?” Dr. Gates, after a short thoughtful moment said; “No Sir, I don’t.” Meanwhile President George W. Bush, in the Oval White House, saw Dr. Gates’ answer and threw the bottle of Jim Beam against the wall and called for his limousine. President Bush was heard leaving the White House saying: “Who told that Longhorn Sumabitch to say that…I’m the Deciding..err! And I decide what he’s gonna say an’ what he ain’t!” Dr. Gates is reportedly doing fine with a laceration above his eye and small pellets peppering his face on the left-hand side. Vice President Dick Cheney was not on hand for comment.

BBush1In other related news, the Southern White Trash Association has named the Bush Twins “Drunken Prom Whores” for the upcoming 2008 Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, beating out front-runner Brittney Spears. Last month, Barbara and Jenna Bush, found in Johannesburg, South Africa, were caught smoking and drinking with a noticeably younger crowd of Yale Students. Partiers at the Fall Break Festivities objected to the First Twins attendance. Christine Franklin of Youngsown,BBush2 Ohio said; “Oh-my-God… Look at her butt. What in the hell is she doing here? She’s like a geriatric drunken bitch. How old is she anyway, 40?!” Tim LeFavre from Boston, MA said to our reporter; “Oh my lord… First of all, the pink scaf with a brown dress?! Are you kidding me? And check out that ‘back pocket’ action she got going on. Carryng around one beer isn’t enough – she’s gotta carry a second in the pocket of her dress.! What a little bitch.” Pete Schmidtz of Bel Aire, California was over heard laughing with his friends telling them that while he was “‘Boning da Jenna’…he met three of his football teammates and the school mascot” who’ve been missing for two years.

Celebrating their 25th birthday in Buenos Aires, Argentina – the United States Embassy asked the Royal Bush Twins to cut their trip short and leave the country. Citing “security concerns”, the Bush Twins heeded the advice, noting that if their Daddy doesn’t have to listen to the Iraqi Study Group, then they don’t have to listen to the Embassy. Manuel Ortiz Calderra de Jesus Barillo, a hotel bellhop said; “Si…It is not good the Bush Twins stay. The last time they were here, Rio de Jeneiro suffered a barage of scabies. It was like the plague of death.”

Mr. Barillo added; “We’ll take Nazi refugees in this country…But we won’t take Bush! Scabies is a serious business!”

Spears FannyBrittany Spears has begun to flash her “cooter” in an effort to draw attention to herself. Feeling left out with Southern White Trash’s decision to name the Bush Twins as “Prom Whores” for the 2008 election, Ms. Spears has been hanging out with the lobotomized and inebriated Paris Hilton, now that Nichole Richie is in rehab. Leaving her newborn children at home next to an open oven door set on 450, Brittney shaved her cooter, plucked her eyebrows, braided her armpits and bravely went out in a micro-mini skirt delighted by the “free and easy breezy” feeling under her skirt was heard saying; “Now I know how Marilyn Manson felt during that one scene on the sidewalk in that old black and white movie”.

Meanwhile, Mary Cheney is having a baby and nobody knowsHypocrite who’s the father. Mary Cheney, a lesbian in a long-term committed relationship, defied everything sacred with the Republican Party by deciding to have a baby and raise it without a Daddy. “We’re calling it our ‘little miracle’,” said Lynn Cheney, the Vice President’s wife who has 5 grandchildren already. “We know she doesn’t have a father-figure for her baby, but that’s okay. There are millions of babies born into single-parent homes and they turn out just fine!”

Finally, we are happy to bring you an exclusive testimony in regarding the Swiftboating that’s going on in Forest Lake, MN. Since the story first ran last week, we’ve been inundated with phone calls and media hype everywhere. The Comments section has become clogged and the WordPress people have complained about the overwhelming number of hits that they’ve had.

Ms XYZOne person who knows the “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” has come forward to offer her views on the topic. She initially has told the Fruit Fly News staffers that she wanted to remain anonymouse because she feared for her life. “Andy Meyers can be a real piece of work”, the source said. “But I want the world to know what’s going on in our fine town of Forest Lake.” For the purposes of anonymity, we will be calling our source; “Ms. XYZ”.

Ms. XYZ – thank you for joining us tonight! You must be very brave.

Oh thank you Frizzie. We all love you very much up here in Forest Lake.

How nice! Thank you for that. You say you know both Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson. Is that true?

“Up until last year I was somewhat friends of Andy for about 6 months until I figured out what a loon she is. Dawn Nelson lives in my neighborhood. Andy is most definately a whack job who lives in her own world or right and wrongs. Dawn and her are extremely close friends. The fact the this stupid city voted her to the Human rights board is beyond comprehension.”

Can you tell me, is this the first time Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson has tried these shenanigans before? It’s interesting that they’d pick on Stev Stegner by using teenaged girls and photography and…

What’s the most interesting is that this is not the first time Andy has caused trouble. Over a year ago she and a few of her teenage friends (she is about 22 by the way) set a local business owner up for statutory rape charges. Can you imagine the grief this bitch caused? The police investigated this and cleared the guy — he was out of town when this supposedly happened — in Andy’s apartment none the less. That wasn’t good enough for her though. She went to his local church on 11th Avenue and spread rumors and they ex-communicated him. This was a gentleman who from my understanding has been a huge financial support for the church. Boy would I lvoe to know what she said. It’s strange that she is a Jew but she goes to this church—which is not Jewish.

I don’t understand, why would this church let her…

And to top this all off Andy is spreading rumors at that same church that the people who live across the street are going through bankuptcy, losing their house, he is a wife beater and an alcoholic. Not one word of this is true and they at one time considered her a friend as well. If this is how she treats friends I would love to see what they she treats her enemies. Dumb bitch will cross paths with the wrong person some day.

What a piece of work! Tell me if you would; in the original St Paul Pioneer Press story, there were a couple of teenaged girls involved trying to set up Stev Stegner. Since she’s only 22 as you say, I can assume that the two girls were not her children. Can you tell me…

What’s really sad is she currently has custody of a 5 year old boy that has ADHD and a bunch of other things wrong with him. I’m not sure of the details but supposedly his teenage father lost custody and she stepped in out of the gracoiusness of her own heart (bullshit) to take care of him. I think she uses him to shoplift at the local Target. If she gets caught — what the heck — blame it on this poor little dumb <kid>. Obviously they would not arrest a retard. Too bad I don’t know the social worker or I would make sure he gets put into a better environment. I only know his name is Ryan.

Getting back to the who “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” team. Can you tell me more about this letter they wrote to the Forest Lake Times?

The letter you are talking is a “call to action” for the neighborhood to protest the selling of the land to the Duffy Development group. Dawn and Andy have been very vocal, organizing fund raiser activities for the Forest Lake Community Association (FLCA) and Mayor Terry Smith was their best buddy. He is quite creepy anyways but I’m sure they are loyal puppies to him and felt that had him in their pockets.

Unbelievable! And you mentioned that you’ve talked with the newly elected mayor Mr. Stev Stegner?!

On a side note I talked to Stev Stegner today and told him what I knew about her and to let him know that anyone who knows her is most likely extremely pissed off. He is not sure that the Forest Lake Human Rights Commission will look into this now that Dawn Nelson has been elected to the board. I would hope that the state one will step in and get involved. I feel very bad for his family and the kids who are in school. Thank goodness for the reporter who was smart enough to figure out the scam and turn the article around on making Andy look like the dumbass she really is.

Wow. I would have to admit, this is almost the worst case of “Swiftboating” I’ve ever heard. I’m stunned that Dawn Nelson and the current Mayor Smith don’t distance themselves out of fear of being investigated by the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Aprehension, if not by the Minnesota Human Rights Commission. Thank you very much for your input. Is there anything else you’d like to say?

She is the master of lies. When we met she said she had her veternarian degree and worked at the Raptor Center but she was ALWAYS wheeling around town. Supposedly her mom is a district attorney and her dad some holocaust survivor that is FBI or CIA? Would that make him in his 80’s? Lies Lies Lies.

Thank you again Ms. XYZ. We can only hope that, Social Services, Human Rights Commission or even the Minnesota BCA will get involved and put a stop to these right-wing nutjobs. I appreciate your insight, please visit us more often and I sincerely hope you have a great Holiday Season and a very Happy New Year.

Thank you, Frizzie. We love you up here in Forest Lake!!

Frizzie WarningAnd, that concludes this edition of Fruit Fly News. Where we are constantly keeping you up to date with the most rediculous and pathetic people in the United States. I think it’s obvious by today’s selection; we’ve had our best show ever! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.

Swiftboating in Forest Lake!, Part Dew

lauren bacallThis story about Forest Lake “Swiftboaters For Non-Truth” gets more and more bizarre each and every day. I’ve spent a little time on the phone with the Forest Lake Times, and I would have to physically drive on up and sit in their Archives Room to look up anymore data on the subject. Which, as it appears now, seems to be nothing less than a couple of right-wing wack-jobs getting together with a sore-looser of a mayor, Terry Smith.

I dug through the City Council’s meetings archives, banging names against their servers and found bits and scraps of information. I found lots of great information right from the Forest Lake Times themselves, which appears to be a far more upstanding newspaper than the St Paul Pioneer Press could accomplish. Perhaps the Forest Lake Times could send a few of their journalists down to the St Paul Pi-Press and engage in some kind of “mentorship program”.

Better to look at the cast of characters in the story. The story folds together nicely if you want to go on along with my “Humble Opinion”. However, I could only imagine how much more information I could find if some newspaper wanted to give me a few dollars for my gasoline and perhaps a lunch. But for now, it’s chicken-broth and a cucumber sandwich and a search archive on the Forest Lake Times website.

The wholistic picture appears to be a rather simplistic story, with an aweful lot of tragedy being drug along with it as time goes on. What set this whole thing off is a letter that was written by Dawn Nelson and Andy Meyer to the Forest Lake Times in early April. Since I can’t get access to the letter on-line, I can only surmise some of the content of that letter. The letter complained about religious intolerance in the Forest Lake Area School Districts spoken from the point of view of a mother who’s child has been bullied in school. In one article from the Forest Lake Times, it stated that the letter they wrote made allegations against Mr. Stegner, but nothing specific was listed. I’ll be cautious here, less I mix up two different stories, but there was also in incident in the Forest Lake School District were it appears that a fifteen year old boy committed suicide because of bullying on April 15th. What the connection between the two are, I don’t know.

The letter that launched the Stegner Swiftboating party notfascist fries only made allegations against Stev Stegner, but it also caused enough of a rift within the community that caused open-door meetings for the townsfolk to get together and discuss. On May 10, 2006, this appeared in the Forest Lake Times:

Items to be discussed include the accusations made by Dawn Nelson and Andy Meyer in recent letters to the editor of the Forest Lake Times. Also to be discussed is the FLCA plan to conduct a city-wide “what do you think” survey of city residents. The FLCA would like input from residents on survey questions.

That’s one whopper of a letter! And, I couldn’t imagine what these bizee-bee’s said in it.

One thing is for certain; Andy Meyer is a bit of a wacko who was hoping to draw some attention to herself because of her faith. The vehicle to get that attention turned out to be Stev Stegner. She, or her colleague Dawn Nelson, called Stev hoping to discuss school bullying and religious intolerance, and she set out to get rid of him as a Mayoral candidate by smearing him with three pieces of mis-information (a.k.a. “Swiftboating”) him: a.) She started the rumor about Stev’s racial heritage at the Supply Store, then b.) she ramped up the swiftboating by starting the rumor that he had a sexual encounter with a teenaged girl who was of Middle Eastern descent, and just to make sure her swiftboating would attract as much attention as possible, and finally she c.) claimed Stev also had direct contact with Zacharias Moussaoui.

Dawn Nelson and Andy Meyer, since that letter appeared inlight beer the Forest Lake Times newspaper in April, both became heavily involved with the local city’s Human Rights Counsil. Their first appearance was on April 20th, where the City Council’s notes show that the city seems to have arrived that there is a problem with racism.

5.) In the course of discussing HR issues in the School District and how the HRC and School District might jointly approach these, Steve Massey declared that the Number 1 problem in the Forest Lake School District was not drugs, but racism.

Odd, don’t you think? Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson complain about religious intolerance, make an allegation about Stev Stenger, complaining about bullying and here they go off with their own bullying… “Jews for Jesus style”.

Duck UnlimitedSince that original meeting on April 20th, both Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson appear in almost every single Human Rights Council meeting held in Forest Lake. In October 2006, an opening came about with an empty position on the HRC committe by which Dawn Nelson, among others applied for the position. One November 26th, the St Paul Pioneer Dispatch piece showed up in print and the following day, Forest Lake Mayor Terry Smith named Ms. Nelson as the new HRC committe member. Stev Stegner, already declared the winner in the Mayoral Race objected to the appointment to the position until Ms. Nelson’s involvement with the Swiftboating could be clarified, one way or the other. Mayor Smith ignored Stegner’s objection and named Nelson to the point – after all, what does he care? …He’s leaving anyway! The most interesting part of the article is this:

One of the subjects named in the story is Forest Lake resident Andy Meyer. Her role in the episode is being reviewed.

She is a friend of Dawn Nelson.

During the council meeting Nelson stated that “If my association with Andy Meyer is a problem, everyone here is guilty. I really enjoy being a part of the commission and I’ve missed no meetings except the closed ones.”

Jeannette Wallen, a member of the Human Rights Council, spoke up against the nomination and sided with Stegner’s objections in naming Nelson to the position. The City of Forest Lake makes the note that when the vote was taken, Ms. Judy Bull was the only one who sided with Wallen and Stegner and voted against the nomination. I that was odd and had to look it up in the City’s Meetings in the archive and the council had taken a break, Ms. Wallen and Mr. Stegner had left during that break (really pissed off?!) and when the roll-call for the vote was called, Ms. Bull was the only one who voted against it.

Primate OneThe first time Stev Stegner appears in the Forest Lake Times is when he applied and was interviewed for a position on the Forest Lake City Council on April 5th. He wasn’t picked, Mayor Terry Smith appointed Greg Ochs to the position instead. Sufficit to say; Mayor Terry Smith does NOT like Stev Stegner and has hated disliked him since 4/5/06.

Who’s the only wild-card in this party: Anne R. Gabriel. Originally, I thought she was simply part of the little “buzee-bee” group of clucking hens who hated Stev Stegner for some obsolete or irrelevant reason. Ooops…My bad! Ms. Gabriel, and her husband Pat, are both very active in the Forest Lake Community, and seeing her face pop in and out of city counsel meetings or political rallies is nothing new. She appears to be compassionate about her community and I find little wrong with that.

For example, last April (2006), State Senator Michele Bachmann was getting her ass handed to her in the Senate ondoggie goggles a bill that would include a Minnesota Constitution marriage bill. The bill, requiring all marriages be nothing more than one chick and one dick, got slapped down by a birage of gay and gay friendly testimonies in front of the Senate floor. Most noteably, was Michele Bachmann’s step-sister who’s been in a committed relationship with her life partner for some 15 years. The Forest Lake Times looked at this story and went to their own local “political activist” Anne R. Gabriel and both she and her husband came out swinging against it.

Heterosexual couples, such as Pat and Anne Gabriel of Forest Lake, came to the Capitol to show their opposition, too.

The Gabriels believe it’s important people realize that not everyone in the suburbs agree with Sen. Michele Bachmann, R-Stillwater, and other lawmakers.

“I think there are lots of people (who disagree),” Anne Gabriel said.

“Not everyone supports Michele Bachmann on this amendment,” Pat Gabriel said.

The Gabriels cite civil rights issues in the past as comparable to the struggles they see confronting gays and lesbians

“It’s a matter of acceptance, Pat Gabriel said. Acceptance can take time, he said.

condi civil ear

This was the more glaring piece of evidence that I came across that tells me Ms. Gabriel wasn’ part of the Stegner Swiftboat Party. She is guilty, however, of not being able to choose her battles very well. Swiftboating Stegner was poorly slopped together and as active as Ms. Gabriel has been in Forest Lake City Counsel meetings, she should have known who the winners are and who the loosers will be in that battle.I think I can put a fairly good picture of this Swiftboat Stegner attempt.


Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson, for whatever reason, wrote a letter of complaint about school bullying and religious intolerance the Forest Lake School District. Two weeks later (April 20th), Stev Stegner appeared to apply for the position on the Forest Lake City Council. Along with 10 other Forest Lake citizens, Stegner has somehow raised the hackles of these two women who look to have put pression on Mayor Smith to pick Greg Ochs for the position.

Chuckie GeorgieMr. Stegner makes a few appearances at City Council meetings, along with a few Human Rights Council meetings since April 20th, along with Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson. Andy and Dawn, not liking the idea that Stegner might run for Mayor, took matters in their own hands. Ms. Meyer runs into the Winnick’s Supply Store muttering jibberish about Stegner’s ethnicity being of Middle Eastern heritage. Ben Winnick, who is Jewish and who’s store is across the street from Stev Stegner’s printing business, thinks Andy Meyer is a wee bit of a wack job and ignores her.

Meyer decides that isn’t enough and ramps up the Swiftboating by calling Stev Stegner himself on Dawn Nelson’s phone to ask Mr. Stegner to meet with her at the Holy Land Restaurant in Minneapolis. Stegner, thinking somethings not quite right, takes his buddy Jim Heck (who is listed to attend city council meetings on a regular basis, by the way). Taking her camera and her friend Dawn with her, she heads to the Holy Land restaurant to begin the photography portion of the Swiftboating.

Finding that Stegner isn’t alone, she panics and either herself or her friend jumps into a burkah and approach the two men to explain why Andy couldn’t make it to the meeting. The attempt to frame him falls apart, at least not nearly as well as they had hoped. So, they returned back to Forest Lake to begin talking the rumor up that:

a.) Stev Stegner is a Middle Eastern decent.

b.) Stev Stegner is a Muslim.

c.) Stev Stegner has had sexual relations with a minor.

d.) Stev Stegner was directly connected to Zacharias Moussaoui.

Enter the professional publicist and entrepreneur; Anne Gabriel. Not realizing what kind of botched job this Swiftboating was going to be happening, Gabriel asks Meyer and Nelson to produce the teenaged girls so she can “get to the bottom” of the story. While Gabriel is interviewing the girls, she notes a few things:

a.) The girls have broken English, but the accent is suspect.

b.) The girls’ background story is more than suspect – it’s down right stupid.

c.) The girls, in spite of their difficulties with English, Gabriel notes that they have a thourough handle of conversant English, i.e., “Escalate”.

Andy Meyer, seeing that Gabriel is getting suspicious, wheels herself on into the living room where the interview is taking place and whips out her photographs. One of the stupidest move in the entire charade, I might add.

Once the St Paul Pioneer Press gets wind of this story, more and more of it becomes unraveled. Andy Meyer bails on everybody by claiming the girls disappeared into Milwaukee and that her only involvement is to translate in Aramaic. Another completely idiotic mistake in the Swiftboating.

The following day, the City Council meets to name Dawn Nelson on the Human Rights Council. Stegner notes that Meyer’s collaborator, Sarah Goldberg a.k.a. Rebecca Zolinger (names that are non-existant people), called him a few times and the phone number on his caller I.D. was the same phone number he received at the very begining of the charade when originally invited to the Holy Land Restaurant. With that, he notes that Dawn Nelson is suspect and objects to the nomination along with Ms. Wallen. The meeting got heated with Dawn Nelson exploding and claiming that if “she’s guilty…then everybody on this council is guilty” and that’s when the meeting adjorns for a break. Stegner and Wallen leave, Mayor Terry Smith is a sore looser anyway, and when they reconvene, they vote 4 to 1 (with Judy Bull FruitFly 6objecting).

I give my best of luck to Mr. Stegner, who will have to deal with Dawn Nelson on that committe for the next few years.

I would strongly suggest that there be some form of law enforcement agency to investigate the issue. We have an allegation of sexual activity with a minor and we very clearly have a case of slander and defamation of character while using teenaged minors as witnesses to the slander.

There you have it… Good luck to all of them!

The Fruit Fly

Swiftboating in Forest Lake

Forest LakeWikie says: “Swiftboating is American political jargon for an ad hominem attack against a public figure, coordinated by an independent or pseudo-independent group, usually resulting in a benefit to an established political force.”

It’s origins from the John Kerry race with the “Swift Vets and POWs for Truth”, a made-up organization with Tom DeLay’s fingerprints all over it. The ads were successful, but it took American politics to a whole new low. Other low points for the Republican party was “push polls” and robo-calls, but that’s an entirely different blog item.

Then, the Republican party sunk to other forms of low-level politics with the Jerry Kilgore (R-incumbant) and Tim Kain (D-challenger) in Virginia. Jerry puts up an ad on television of a grieving father complaining that his son and daughter-in-law were murdered and Tim Kain “volunteered” to defend the murderer.

Swiftboating has become a Republican necessity in order to keep them selves in power. Jim Web for Senate from Virginia, Patrick Murphy in Pennsylvania, Congressman Jack Murtha of Pennsylvania, there are tons of them, aren’t there?! All of them are sleazy, under-handed and all of them have become refined in the depths of their sleaziness to the point where we enter a small little suburban town north of Minneapolis/St Paul about thirty miles called Forest Lake. Beautiful town actually, as well as it’s namesake which is big and surrounded by beautiful homes and boat marinas. And home to the worst kind of swiftboating imagineable.

“Campaign tale is shocking, sordid — and entirely false.”

Now, before we go on, there are three things you can do: 1.) go ahead and read the article (if you can understand all of the characters and players), 2.) you can skip the three page read and have faith that I know what I’m talking about or 3.) you can click the “back button” on you web browser and gawk at something else.

A note to warn you about reading the St Paul Pioneer Press. They are one of those newspapers who like to get your email address so they can spam you. You’re only allowed one “Look-See” If you go back a page and then come back to this story, you’ll have to go through their rediculously rigid snoopy questionaires before you can look at it again. So, feel free toShhhh help yourself to mine that I did just so I could look at the story.

Email address: sureenough@biteme.com

The password: sureenough!

The best I can do to describe this debacle of a story is to give you the down and dirty. But, trust me…the best part of the story is of course, at the ending.

Stev Stegner (Yes, his name is “Stev”, not “steve”) is a business man, a father, a Christian, had a vasectomy in 1971 and ran for the office of Mayor to the fine city of Forest Lake. For those of you who need a geography lesson on Forest Lake, Minnesota, it’s a suburb town north of the Twin Cities about thrity miles out.

Huh?! Did you say “vasectomy”?

Of course I did silly! Because he just recently impregnated a teen aged girl!! If you believe anything of this story, that’s the part you shouldn’t.

So here we go. Let me try to sort this story out.

Stegner gets a call from a woman (who’s name apparently doesn’t exist anywhere on any record in the State of Minnesota or its Capitol), for a complaint about her son, (Jewish) and religious pursecution in the public school. Stegner, who’s only a candidate for the position of Mayor, agrees to meet the woman at a restauarant in Minneapolis called “The Holy Land”. Stegner, made his smartest move by taking along a buddy with him. I beleive that if he had shown up alone, this story would have all kinds of horrifying clap-trap on it and the Republican Party would be there with stenopads in hand taking good notes.

burkaA woman in a burka (as in”it’s a costume”, not as in “a form of ethnic clothing”) approached Stegner and his buddy and said the Jewish woman who made the complaint couldn’t make it. Her little boy was sick.

The results of that conversation resulted in the beginning of the swiftboating of our friend. Soon, there were rumors spreading all over town stating that Mr. Stegner had an affair with a “Middle Eastern teenaged girl” and she was now pregnant. Furthermore, Mr. Stegner was in cahoots with Zacharias Moussaoui. Finally, the evidence that was produced to support these lies rumors was a few fuzzy and amateuristic photos claimed to have been taken by FBI agents. Oh, and the photos were pictures of Mr. Stegner and his buddy at The Holy Land restaurant, of course. (My guess is that Jewish lady who called to complain about the harassment bestowed upon her kid was having a hard time seeing through that camera lense with that burka over her head.)Spies Are Everywhere!!

The snapshots were hazy and amateurish. But the woman told Winnick they were secret government surveillance photos and claimed the deli was once the hangout of Zacarias Moussaoui, the reputed “20th hijacker” in the Sept. 11 attacks who had attended an Eagan flight school before being arrested by the FBI.

You think it’s messy enough for you?

Get real… It get’s so much better.

Enter the professionals! Ironically, a “public relations” professionals showed up to conduct an interview with these Middle Eastern teenagers to get to the bottom of these rumors.

On Oct. 26, Forest Lake public relations professional Anne R. Gabriel phoned the newspaper. She had heard the rumors and agreed to try to help reporters find people who could confirm them.

Now pray tell; who asked Ms. Gabriel to get involved with this story? Nobody knows, she apparently felt that getting the story straight and accurate was far more important than reporting the incident to the police for “raping of a minor”, or “sex with a minor” or anything else for that matter.

But, she’s a “professional”, and who is the St Paul Pioneer Press to question a professional?! They’re a newspaper, not some goof-ball that should ask questions for Heaven’s sake!

Okay..I’m sorry. I’ve digressed. My bad. I’m just so excited to get to the end of this story because you’re never going to stop laughing your tiny little butts off.

Ms. Gabriel, if that’s her true name, interviews a couple of girls, both of whom were wearing burkas, and she comes back with a bit of a head-scratcher.

They sometimes acted as if they couldn’t understand a simply expressed English sentence — yet at times used relatively sophisticated English grammar and high-level vocabulary such as “escalating.”

FargoNow is that a riot and a half?! I would love to find Ms. Gabriel and ask her;

  • 1.) What kind of accent did these two girls have? Was it like; “Oh yah…you betcha! And the one of dem was kinda funny lookin’, you know?!” Or was it more of a high-pitched yell that was like ‘LALALALALALALA’!
  • 2.) Is your name “Gabriel”, a common Jewish name, have any connection to being the same person who made the initial phone cal; Ms. Sara Goldberg a.k.a. Ms. Rebecca Zollinger or Ms. Andy Meyer?

Do you think it could get any worse?

Of course it can, Silly!

Winnick Supply StoreThere’s the part with the woman who’s in a wheelchair, Andy Meyer, who appears to be at the very heart and soul of this story. But, of course we’ll never know…Because the St Paul Pioneer Press is a piece of crap of a newspaper who doesn’t bother with asking questions of anybody. Ms. Meyer first appears in the story wheeling herself into Ben Winnick’s Supply Store ready to begin spinning the gossip about Mr. Stegner.

In late September or early October, a blond woman in a wheelchair came into Winnick Supply Inc. in Forest Lake, said owner Ben Winnick. He recognized her from around the city but did not know her name. She identified herself as a Messianic Jew and told Winnick, who is Jewish, that Stegner was a Muslim who read the Quran in a Twin Cities mosque.

What a Sweetheart! She’s a “Messianic Jew” who’s going to go out on a rabid racists rant and she’s going to start with all of the Jewish people in her community! Let’s give her an applause as well as all of her other “Jews for Jesus” friends!

When Ms. Gabriel shows up to interview the two Middle Eastern girls, who appears out of now where carrying “fuzzy photography”? Ms. Meyer of course, in her wheelchair and her trusty Polaroids. Ms. Meyer, so horrorfied by the fact that Mr. Stegner might be a Middle Easterner, shows Ms. Gabriel the pictures of him sitting in the restaurant with his buddy. (Excellent evidence, wouldn’t you say?!)

Now here’s the funniest sentance in the entire piece. I swear to God, Allah, Budda and Vishnu, you’ll spill your guts laughing:

Earlier, however, Meyer said she was hired only to interpret for the girls — in Aramaic — and agreed to hold the interview in her apartment. “I have no idea who they are,” she said. “Anne Gabriel and (Zollinger) asked me to get involved.”

The emphasis is mine of course. So, exactly what do you see in this picture that doesn’t seem to quit fit?

Could it be that Ms. Meyer speaks a dead-language? Let’s remember something about the Aramaic language: Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of Christ” was spoken in Aramaic with an English subtext. He hired William Fulco to reconstruct the dialect, the accents and the translation.

Or, perhaps even more interesting; the two Middle Eastern girls speak a language that’s 2,000 years old which coincidentally is the language spoken by Jesus Christ? They don’t speak Farsi, they don’t speak Persian, and they don’t speak Arabic. No, they speak Aramaic!

Or perhaps the picture that doesn’t seem to quit fit is the fact that Ms. Meyer, if that is her real name outside of her favorite burka, is the one willing to exploit a couple of teenaged girls for the sake of keeping a man she thinks is of Arabic descent because of the color of his skin?

Or perhaps she’s outright lying her ass off with that last sentance “I have no idea who they are,” she said. “Anne Gabriel and (Zollinger) asked me to get involved.”. Give me a break! Andy Meyer; you should be ashamed of yourself. You were the first to show up at Winnick’s Supply to begin the gossip, you then “magically appeared” at the interview with the two girls clad in burkas and the “professional”. At that meeting, you whipped our your Polaroids you took of Mr. Stegner at the Holy Land store! You also had all of the detailed information on the whereabouts of the teenaged girls. And then you… Bah! You liar!!

Well we ever know? Of course not! Because the Pioneer Press is such a crap of a newspaper who’s hacked this story from out of their own butts, are too pathetic to publish anything worth the paper it’s printed on. There isn’t a newspaper within five hundred miles who’ll touch this story because it has “GOP” written all over it.

GOPWe’ve got an honest to goodness GOP sex-scandal, another GOP exploiting under-aged teens, Trent Lott style “GOP racism”, a George W Bush version of “GOP lies”, a couple of Jews for Jesus, and we’ve just gotta get a better newspaper in our State’s Capitol City. I know, I know…The word “Republican” and the acronym “GOP” doesn’t appear anywhere in the piece. Neither the incumbant nor Mr. Stegner had any party affiliation. But, c’mon…does this simply reak of Republican bull-crap!?

By the way, while we’re discussing this electoral race in particular. Mr. Stegner did win the race for the Mayor of Forest Lake, Minnesota. And he won it handidly at 54.9%! .

If you read this story about eighty times, you will come to the same conclusions, at least I think you will. Andy Meyer is the primary culprit. She’s had at least one accomplice in her homophobic and racist ruse to swiftboat Mr. Stegner, and I have a very high suspicion that Ms. Gabriel was in on it too. (Face it – she’s a “public relations professional”, and what that has to do with any kind of interviewing teenaged girls who’ve been raped by a 42 year old Middle Eastern man, nobody knows.) And finally, the article was researched and written by a complete dolt who may have been lobotomized as a child.

BoringFor the record, Andy Meyer did appear at a city counsel meeting on April 20, 2006. The Human Rights Commission of the City of Forest Lake met to discuss the problem of Racism in the Forest Lake Public School system. She also appeared at the same Comission’s meeting on June 15th where it appears one of the City Counsel Members shared Ms. Meyer’s complaint with the rest of the city counsel members. Her second appearance, she produced the argument where she’s blackmailing the schools in North Branch with the option of instructing all of their faculty members on religious freedom, or she was going to the Human Rights Offices in downtown St Paul. (North Branch is a small town a few miles away from Forest Lake.) Her third appearance is in October where she’s filed a complaint about flooding in her street…big deal.FruitFly 6
I printed the newspaper article out to an Acrobat Reader. If you want to leave a comment with a request for a copy of the PDF, I would refuse the request immediately and tell you to contact the St Paul Pioneer Press.  (j/k)

I think you for your time.

The Fruit Fly