Norm Coleman: Wack Job

ColemanUS Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) showed up for work yesterday with an enormouse gash on his forehead.  When asked what happened, he stated that he was almost knocked unconscious while dumpster diving in an back alley while looking for … a lamp?!? His office states he was hit in the head by a piece of wood, but apparently he’s still a little too dazed to come clean with exactly what happened.  

Obviously, my next question would be to ask if the wack on the head was hard enough to make Coleman flip back to being a Democrat now that being a Republican is no longer politically marketable.  Perhaps it’s a stroke of genious, being able to develope amnesia now that his close friends Karl Rove and Scooter Libby are in the courtrooms testifying in Plame-gate.
Me

Fruit Fly News: Who is Joey Oglesby?

Laura Bush SmokesHello, and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizze McBee.

Today, President Bush has increased troop levels in Iraq to an additional 3 million Americans. Calling it a “surge”, the President has stated; “Defeat is not an option, ‘cut and run’ is also not an option, and since nobody else has come up with a better option; it’s obvious that my ‘surge’ is the only viable option.”

Monkey SurgeDavid Gregory, from a less informative news channel called NBC, corrected the President’s suggestion that nobody else has come up with “a Plan” for Iraq. Mr. Gregory said;

“Mr. President, that’s patently untrue! The Democrats have produced a plan. In fact, Senators Joe Biden and Jack Reed have produced a plan as well as Congressman Jack Murtha! Senator Biden, as a matter of fact, has written extensively on the subject. Have you even looked at their plans?

President Bush cut him off and whined; “But I’m the Decisioner! And if I say there ain’t another plan out there: Then there truly is no other plan.

Joe BooshMr. Gregory, attempting to sound like a professional journalist was about to counter the President’s interruption when Senator Joe Lieberman suddenly appeared from behind President Bush looking disheveled and seemed to try and help the President pull his trousers back up. Senator Leibermann then turned to Mr. Gregory and said;

The other alternatives–the main alternative that the opponents of what the President has done are offering is to simply begin to withdraw. And the theory there is that somehow if you with– I mean some people want to withdraw because they just want to get out. They think the thing–They want to give up. They think the thing is not winnable. I’m afraid they don’t agree with me that the consequences of pulling out would be a disaster for everybody, including most important, us. But some say if you begin to withdraw, then Maliki and the other Iraqis will say ‘Oh, my God, they’re leaving. We got to get our act together. I don’t think so. I think what is more likely is that the Iraqi politicians will begin to hedge their bets, and the militias and the Al Qaeda terrorists will just hold back until the day we’re gone, and then chaos will break out, and unfortunately as McCain says, we’ll probably be back there in a larger war, you know, two, three, four, five years from now. I think this is our chance, so I’d guess I’d say to you in war–There’s a famous old saying that war is a series of catastrophes that ends up in victory for one side, and right now I’d say this plan is the best next step we’ve got. Let’s hope it works, pray it works, and if it doesn’t, then we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do then.

The Senator then dipped behind the President again, this time amid a flurry of kissing sounds.

In other news, the term “faggot” has become a media favorite for conservatives. With origins going back to the time of the witchcraft trials in the early 1200’s in Europe, usage of the derogatory term to reference gay and lesbians has become again for conservative pundits like Glenn Beck on CNN Headline News. In an odd turn of hypocracy, CNN allowed the usage of the derogatory name without hesitation, and yet – when Bill Mahr mentions that Ken Mehlman on Larry King Live, former chairman of the Republican National Convention might be gayCNN edited the transcript, the video which re-aired later in the week, removed the video from YouTube and sent out legal briefs to anybody who carried the uncensored version on their websites.

The word has become popular with “Jesus People” as well! Donnie Davies, a self-described “former homosexual” and “minister”, recently came out with a lively little tune about how much God’s love is regulated only to those who aren’t “a faggot”. According to Davies’ song, God hates faggots, and let’s face it: “It’s only a choice anyway”. Davies recorded the song made a video to go along with the song, and then uploaded it to YouTube, MySpace and Google Video. All three removed the video immediately, while YouTube has many spoofs of the original now posted in its place. Current TV, who’s parent corporation is Google, has run a pod-cast of their take on Donnie Davies, including information that you might not even know!

SimpsonsIn a historic moment heard around the world, Jesus Christ appeared in front of Donnie Davies and kicked his ass. Violence has broke out all over the world as a result, with people buying “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets and then beating up the clerk who rang up the purchase.

Last Saturday (Jan 27, 2007), Goddess-extrodinaire Pam of Pams House Blend discovered that Donnie Davies is not only a homophobe and an idiot, but he’s also an actor from the Dallas/Ft Worth metropolitan area. JoeyJoel Oglesby Oglesby has appeard on stage in shows like “Debbie Does Dallas, the Musical” and a comedy sketch troupe called “Chicken & Pickles Guys”. Obviously, these are shows that promote heterosexual lifestyles as “wonderful” if not a bit “fabulous”. *

On Friday (Jan 26th) the actor Joey Oglesby playing the part of Donnie Davies appeared again on YouTube to point out the pain he’s endured because people have laughed at him for being overweight. The short video opens with him talking excitedly about all of the attention his “God Hates a Fag” video has gotten and complains bitterly that it’s been removed from all of the popular video-websites. He then gets seriously upset because people have made fun of his weight. He finishes with jubilation on the love of Jesus Christ and says; “…But God hates you”.

No word yet whether Jesus Christ has re-appeared to kick his ass all over again.

Since the days of then House Majority Leader Dick Army called Congressman Barney Frank, “Barney Fag” on a radio show in 1995, conservatives have picked up on the word as media-magnet to attract attention to themselves. CNN isn’t alone in the debacle either. MSNBC enjoys the word so much, Chris Matthews pumped-up his penil implant when Ann Coulter said on his show that Al Gore was “a total fag” in July 06. Matthews, with his three inch puptent showing, excitedly promised his viewers to have her on the show again.

Bush and DickExpecting a word of caution to come from “Dr” Laura Schlessinger to point out what happened when she called gays and lesbians a “biological error”, nothing has been heard from her or her Rabbi.

That’s all there is for Fruit Fly News. We thank you for tuning in! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night!

* Fruit Fly News network has tried to contact Pam at Pams House Blend to get her the unedited and uncensored version of the video that hasn’t been ripped down. However, her system requires that we “open an account” to even speak on her blog. Since there are so many accounts created already, one would simply give up and let her find it on her own.

War; What Is It Good For?

A War Of Bullets

Last week, we saw our Decider in Chief tell all of us that he’s already committed 21,000 troops into Baghdad, which confuses me as to the reason behind the presentation in the first place. Isn’t that about the same thing as being stopped at a red light and the guy behind you gets out of his car, walks up to your window and says: “I’ve already committed to the idea of running into your back with my car, please buckle up.”?

A War Of Words

Last October, we witnessed Michael Richards go on some wacked-out tirade against black folks and calling them theMichael Richards “N——” word. Mr. Richards, a Jew, later tries to apologise six ways to Sunday, including phoning in while Jerry Seinfeld was out on the sofa with Jay Leno. (Click the picture of Richards to see the YouTube video if you’re interested in seeing this idiot do it all over again.) Albeit Richards’ meltdown was in the middle of his act, the media was in a frenzie about his word choice…everybody was talking about it.

During that same time, TR Knight of the ABC show “Greys Anatomy” came out of the closet rather quietly. What was going on? Isaiah Washington was talking to some of the cast members and referencing TR by calling him a faggot. Then during the Golden Globe awards, a reporter asked the cast of Greys Anatomy a question to which Isaiah Washington excitedly grabbed the microphone and said; “I did not…call TR Knight a faggot.”

Golden Globe Awards; Greys Anatomy cast TR Knight, as he reported on Ellen Degeneres’ show “Ellen”, said he was around the corner when Washington let the slur slip out of his mouth the first time. He said little on the show about Washington’s comment on Ellen’s show, however Katherine Heigl who plays Dr Isobel “Izzie” Stephens, was quoted to say (about Washington); “He should just not be allowed to speak in public” [about this topic].

How weird the two incidents, both happening right around the same time frame, that one gets virtually no airtime in comparason.

By the way, if you want to sign an “e-protest” and have your voice heard to have Isaiah Washington fired, you can click here. The best write up argument about this incident came from AfterElton which you can read by clicking here. Another excellent write up on this story comes from Dorothy Surrenders and their peice on “Anatomy of Hate”.

Now tell me something: If Isaiah Washington can call TR Knight a faggot while in the workplace, would it be perfectly acceptable for TR Knight to turn around and say; “F*** off, nigger!” Is there a balance in that?

Perhaps the more honest response is a simple response: “Don’t call us a faggot and we won’t call you.”

A War of Legislation

Brandt Hershman, a state senator from Indiana (a Republican of course), has won the GOP Hypocrit of the week with his newest legislation to prevent gay folks from getting married in the Hoosier State.

The legislator’s ex-wife alleges that in 2000 he drove her to an abortion clinic and he paid for her to have an abortion. Even better, he then filed for divorce a week later. Nice. He said that he didn’t force her to do so, she claimed that he did.

This guy is just as bad as Newt “Newtie” Gingrich, who met his wife in recovery after cancer surgery with his attorneyNewtie Baby present demanding that she sign his divorce papers.

The most notorious incident in Gingrich’s marriage — first reported by David Osborne in Mother Jones magazine in 1984 — was when he cornered Jackie in her hospital room where she was recovering from uterine cancer surgery and insisted on discussing the terms of the divorce he was seeking.

Shortly after that infamous encounter, Gingrich refused to pay his alimony and child-support payments. The First Baptist Church in his hometown had to take up a collection to support the family Gingrich had deserted.

Let’s also point out that Newtie’s women all had to give him a blow-job because, as he put it, “so I can say that I haven’t slept with you”. He was mighty upset about Clinton’s blow-job act, but for him…It’s okay.

It’s becoming more and more of a stereotype that these neocons are nothing but a Sunday School teacher’s failure with a macaroni , paper and glitter potrait. “The National Sunday School Teacher Association” shouldn’t be blamed… Newtie, Hershman and Bush Co. are the obvious constant.

A War on Church

Bishop Desmond Tutu is at it again, blasting Peter Akinola’s homophobia within the Anglican Church. Just in time before their upcoming big meetings (Anglican Communion) where the fur will fly and homophobes will be screaming about how terrifying gay people aren’t.

I have to hand it to Bishop Tutu – some folks like Billy Graham, some like Jerry Falwell (I don’t know why), while others love Sinead O’Conner as a favorite person of the religious cloth… For me? It’s Bishop Desmond Tutu who has always managed to live his life as a Christian should, and as Christ commanded us.

No wait… That sounded all weird and stuff….!! I take that back!!

A War on Attorneys

The Bush Administration is terminating the services of, or demoting attorneys involved in the Jack Abramoff scandals. When Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez was asked about this activity, Gonzalez went into complete denial claiming that the firing of these attorneys were simply another example of brilliant management-style by the President.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has denied political motivations behind the resignations, recently telling Congress, “Nothing could be further from the truth.” He added that they were a “sign of good management” by the Bush administration.

Meanwhile, a top official in the Pentagon is trying to intimidate law firms that are representating prisoners in Guantanamo. The Pentagon, tried to separate themselves from Charles “Cully” Stimson’s comments by stating emphatically that he doesn’t represent the view of the Bush Administration. Stimson, who seemed to be on a rant, went on to say;

“And I think, quite honestly, when corporate CEOs see that those firms are representing the very terrorists who hit their bottom line back in 2001, those CEOs are going to make those law firms choose between representing terrorists or representing reputable firms,” Stimson said.

Asked who might be paying the law firms to represent Guantanamo detainees, Stimson hinted at wrongdoing for which some explaining should be done.

“It’s not clear, is it? Some will maintain that they’re doing it out of the goodness of their heart — that they’re doing it pro bono, and I suspect they are,” he said. “Others are receiving monies from who knows where and I’d be curious to have them explain that.”

Well boys and girls, if you can’t call this Stalinism or Marxism, when shall we begin?

A War On Racism

HargroveIn a Virginia newspaper interview relating to Virginia offering an apology to African Americans for its involvement with slavery, Delegate Frank D. Hargrove stated simply:

slavery ended nearly 140 years ago with the Civil War and added that “our black citizens should get over it.”

Mr. Hargrove went on to ask the rhetorical question of whether or not Jews should apologizing for the crucifixition of Christ!

As a proud Yankee, it’s high time we put people like Frank Hargrove on notice by saying we have no plans to apologize forV Goode kicking his grand-daddy’s ass in the Civil War. We have no qualms about remindng Mr. Hargrove and his racist buddy Virgil Goode that their grandfathers’ asses were handed to them and we have no intention of ever apologizing for it and we’ll happily do it again!

I wonder how any Republican can be proud to stand up with these neo-nazi scumballs? I mean, don’t they smell bad or something?!

A War on Music

And finally (whew!) there’s the matter of war in music. While I typed all of this and zoomed around picking up links and pictures, I kept humming the same tune in my head… “War..What is it good for? UH! …AAAboslutely nothing! Say it again!!” Of course, thinking about Ewdin Starr’s original 1970 version kept sticking in my brain. Then U2’s Sunday Bloody Sunday song danced around in my head, which was from their WAR album back in 198-something.

But one tune stuck out especially…and I have to admit – the Video they produced was pretty damned cool too. So, if’n ya wanna see my musical interpretation of “war”… Click here:

The Fruit Fly

DAMMIT! Hello!

Come in! Come in!! Oh it ist sooooo goot to see you so. Ah… and such a lovely too… Have you been well?!? It hast’ been so veddy long since you’ve come to see Madame Bushka, no?!?

Sit! Sit! Let me get zom tea… I have Oooolong this time. Their leaves…they’re wonderful. I can read zem like an East German whore can read a circumcized customer in ze lumber yard. How ist your spouse? It ist goot?Bushka

Hrmm… Hand me ze tea pot dear, I get zom hot water into it…Danke…yes. And you were saying?!?! …About your vife!

Okay, ahh…Okay Okay! Ouch! Yes… Yes… I vill tell him. Ouch! Ouch!Darling, please forgive me… I am possessed by ze spirits… They are torturing me…OUCH! OUCH!! OWWW!!

OWW! Yes..I vill tell her!! ..It!

Please forgive – Ze spirits, they torture me vhen they are excited and have thigs to ssssss OWW!!!

Dahling. You are ze stupt. Has ze the rest of ze world seen that you’ve already start more wars with ze Middle East than the Vatican? It hast become apparent that you’ve sold ze American people’s souls to ze Middle East. You’ve included ze people of the United States in some game of “Texas Hold Em”?

Meester Boosh; You have no friends or fantasies you’d hope for. You don’t hafe any allies in ze wars you’ve already have started and you’re no longer interesting. Meester Boosh; telling us why we should continue to Hate (them) only makes us ask why you’re not included on the very same list.

Anthrax in the US Postal system, airline unions expected to “feel the pain”. New Orleans, tsunami’s, and the price for customs corruption and Senator McCain’s 2008 campaign speech.

okay!!! Okay!! I vill tell him!!! OWWW!!

Meester Boosh. Let me tell you zom’sing and then you vill leave quickly:

Bush BloomersZe Americans pulled ze Saddam from a hole in the middle of the desert, with a revolver within arms reach. Ze Saddam was in ze hole for just a few days before he vas pulled out like a rat, and was photographed in his bloonder-plooms.

Meester Boosh: Let’s not have to pull you out of your own rat-hole in ze Oval Office while still in you own bloonder-plooms. You and everybody knows zat there ist not’ing more embarrassing zen being remoofed from your office by your own people. Der ist nothing more shameful.

In ze homeland, we see these same kind of wars. Ze people of South America hast seen their Pinochet. Asia has seen Hirohito and zey have their Pol Pot. Ze people of Eastern Europe hast seen ze Hitler, Moussoulini and ze Russians hast seen zer Stalin’s, Marx’s and ze Hitler.

All of these people had their wars and their secret governments and there propaganda … And all of them ended their history in shame.

Hello KittyYou’re no longer an original, Meester Bush. You’re ze replica. A cheap stolen from ze original. America is not as zey say… “Hello Kitty”…

Please leave. Ze Spirits vould appreciate it you left with some digni… OUCH!! OKAY!!! OKAY! Please leave quickly Meester Boo OUCH! OKAY! I TOLD HIM! I TOL..

It is just a caution-sign Meester B… OUCH! dammit

Helena! HelenaFruitFly Dahling!! Please help … Meester Bush was just leaving.. OUCH! AH!! HELENA!!!!!

Dammit!! Hello!! Helena? Hello…!! OUCH!! DAMMIT!! HELLO!!! HE-LENA!!!

Bad Bugs that Bite Back

Frizzie DickHello and good evening. Welcome to Fruit Fly News, I’m Frizzie McBee.

HIV2Scientists have discovered an “off-switch” for the HIV virus. This astounding newly developed research looks at a genetic approach to return the HIV virus into a dormant state, rendering it useless.

Princeton scientists Leor Weinberger and Thomas Shenk hope their work will illuminate the processes by which human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and other viruses transition into dormant phases in their hosts. The researchers have discovered a specific genetic trigger that makes HIV fall into its latent phase, where the virus essentially hibernates, relatively harmlessly, but awaiting an opportunity to re-emerge and wreak havoc.

This brings a great deal of hope to millions, if not billions of people throughout the world. The group who seem to be the most excited are the gay men everywhere throughout the United States. For more on this, we go to Don Klooondike who is attending Chicago’s world famous Gay Pride Parade. Don?

Don KlooondikeThanks Frizzie! Yes, these gay men are certainly thrilled by this news. Their biggest thrill is knowing that once again they’ll be able to us public restrooms again. You may recall Frizzie, that when “the gays” developed this viral-bomb in order to murder all straight men who were hanging out in public restrooms, gays were banned from these facilities. Since gays were giving their horrible disease to straight men via toilet seats or simply having sex with God fearing heterosexual husbands and fathers, laws were passed under President Ronald Reagan to ban “the gays” from public restrooms. Since these laws were passed, “the gays” had to “relieve” themselves in bushes behind roadside rests, or roam aimlessly through city parks at night looking for a spot to do their business alone!

GAy RestroomBut, with this new scientific breakthrough, “the gays” will be allowed once again to use public restrooms. Heterosexual men, regardless how much they love Jesus, will be able to have sex with them in these facilities without leaving in fear of contracting the disease. Heterosexual God Fearing men will also be able to ignore those pesky seat-liners on their bathroom stalls, knowing that if they contract the HIV from “the gays”, there is a way to make the virus dormant. It’s really exciting news forTroop Movement everyone. Back to you Frizzie!

Thanks Don! Some interesting times ahead, aren’t there?

In other news, GW Bush has asked for an addition 321 million troops to be deployed to Iraq.

Realizing that this number includes the entire population of America, Bush explains that this will be his final “surge” to secure Bhagdad. Quoting the President:

We can’t just cut and run from Bhagdad. These Iraqi people have shown that they love Americans and to simply abandon them would be sending the wrong message. We have made course corrections in the past and we will continue to make course corrections until we can leave Iraq as a safe and secure democracy, oil wells are producing 100% capacity and the country is completely free of any nare-do well.

President Bush has also asked the American people for a $1 billion jobs program for Iraqi men and women. When asked if anybody from New Orleans was consulted about this program, President Bush simply said; “Huh? We done fixed New Orleeens, and there ain’t nuthin left to fix.”

And finally tonight, Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) was caught in a fist fight with junior lightweight Congressman Patrick McHenry (R-NC). Congressman McHenry, oblivious of the House rules on introducing legislation, asked far too many question, far too many times and eventually became far too annoying.Barney Frank

Congressman Frank, chairing a committee hearing, insisted McHenry be quiet and understand House rules and how they are to be followed. Since the Republicans have ignored the House rules for the past 12 years and simply conducted the House of Representatives as a free-for-all, Congressman McHenry became upset because he didn’t know these rules existed nor what the rules were! Congressman McHenry, after being shouted down nine times by Congressman Frank finally stormed the podium and a fist fight erupted. Congressman Frank, taking off a stilhetto heel poked McHenry in the eye repeatedly until he began to cry.

After the fight broke up, Congressman Frank was heard in echos of hallways saying; “Dats right bee-yotch! And I’ll use the Men’s Room infrizzie elections the House anytime I want to, and I’ll have sex with any heterosexual man whenever  want, as well!”

I’m Frizzie McBee this has been  another edition of Fruit Fly News.

The “Mile High City” Gets the Dems

Denver?! The DNC will hold their 2008 Presidential convention in Denver?! You have got to be kidding me! Of four cities on the short list (Denver, Minneapolis, New Orleans and New York), Denver would have been the worst pick.

The GOP was stupid to announce their city of choice (Minneapolis/St Paul) before the election. Their arrogance dictated that DFL’ers in Minnesota wouldn’t show up to vote and the opposite was true. So, they’re now stuck with their convention deep in the heart of “Blue Territory”. Aside from that, it took the Twin Cities out of the equation for the DNC. That left two cities that have been patently ignored by Bush Co and the GOP…and then there’s Denver.

Of any metropolitan city in the United States, it is New Orleans that has suffered the most. I know there are New Yorkers out there who would disagree with me, and their right to their opinion. But, there are no New Yorkers who can say that their city has been completely dessimated, ignored and are still living in FEMA trailers a year and a half later!Denver

But Denver?!

Colorado is a marquee states for Democrats, who have, in the past two years, gobbled up the governor’s mansion, control of the state legislature, and two congressional seats.

And Colorado also re-elected Marilyn Musgrave, one of the most ferocious homophobes in the US House of Representatives. It was just last September where Musgrave said that “Gay Marriage” was the most important issue facing America today.

New York WTCThe DNC would have benefited much better by going to New York, where the Bush Administration cut funds because they had no “monuments worth protecting”. To ignore New York’s political potential is nothing short of stupid. Granted that New York a “Blue State”, that New York would be difficult for the Dems to get around from venue to venue, I wholeheartedly agree! But Denver?!

New Orleans would have been the best pick, in my humbleClaiborne Street opinion. New Orleans could have benefited from the boost. And seeing Barak Obama, Hillary Clinton and the entire face of the Democratic Party step and point out that they haven’t forgotten those Americans would have been spectacular.

And so they’re going to Denver?!

New Orleans doesn’t need to be ignored anymore than they have already. And New York would have been a better pick than Denver.

FruitFly

Minn Cupcake Votes “No” Correction

Yesterday, I posted that Michele Bachmann was the only Republican to vote down the Fair Minimum Wage Act of 2007. I was wrong…I forgot about John Kline. Maybe these two “good Christian” people go to the same Church where their God hates low-income families equaly.

Oh well, screw ’em. They lost anyway.