Nothing could be more fun and exciting for a tiny little Fruit Fly than a parade. The spilled beer and the endless supply of sugary sodas. That doesn’t included all of the rotten food thrown into the garbage cans, and the candies thrown from the parade’s floats. On a hot steamy Sunday afternoon, who can resist the horse manure dropped by the Minneapolis Mounted Police department? What a great day to be a Fruit Fly.
Well, let’s begin! Shall we?
What kind of shit can I find for you today?
Fred Phelps’ daughter busted
The famous “God Hates Fags” preacher-man from Westerboro, Kansas has new legal troubles within his little hate-farm. It would appear that his daughter has been charged…
with negligent child abuse, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, flag mutilation and disturbing the peace over an anti-gay protest at the funeral of a soldier last month.
In Kansas, it’s illeagal to trample the
fag flag…at least the United States flag. Anyway, while protesting the funeral of some fallen Iraqi casualty, Shirley Phelps-Roper wrapped one US flag around her waste and gave another US flag to her pint-sized fag-hater so he could stomp on it and treat it like they treat all gay people.
But no worries for the Phelps family. All eight of his daughters are lawyers as are three of his five sons. Getting Ms. Phelps-Roper out of jail shouldn’t be a probl… Oops. Sorry. My bad:
Phelps-Roper says the action is protected by the US Constitution and she intends to fight the Nebraska law and she has asked the Nebraska chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union to represent her.
Mitt Romney Caught in a Porn Flap
US Presidential hopeful and proud Mormon, Mitt Romney has been caught in a stupid porn issue while serving on the board of directors for the Marriott Hotel chain. If you check into a Marriott Hotel, you’re welcome to check out their fast collection of booby and chicky-chicky porn. (I’m more than sure Marriott Hotels don’t carry an array of gay porn, but you never know.)
Well, the high and mighty family values man, Mitt Romney never bothered trying to dispose of the lucrative cash cow while serving on the board. Instead, Romney said:
“I am not pursuing an effort to try and stop adults from being able to acquire or see things that I find objectionable; that’s their right. But I do vehemently oppose practices or business procedures that will allow kids to be exposed to obscenity,” the former Massachusetts governor said.
Well there you go. You see? I told you it was a stupid porn story. You just went on along and read it like there was going to be methamphetamines and 49 year old male hookers and an adult bookstore in that story, didn’t you!
11-Year Old Florida Girl Charged with DWI: Not Related to the Bush Family
An eleven year old girl from Perdido Key, FL was clocked on police radar driving a Chevrolet Monte Carlo at speeds exceeding 100 mph in downtown Orange Beach, AL. A police officer, flashing his lights on to have the driver pullover was suprised to find she hit the pedal and drove even faster.The girl sideswipped another car where she flipped her vehicle and in a drunken stooper, survived the crash with minor scraps and bruises. The girl’s blood alcohol level was higher than the minimum level allowed for even an adult.
Since the incident involved a minor and alcohol, sources have tried to confirm that the girl was not related to the Bush family. Knowing that Jeb and Columba Bush’s daughter has a history in dialing pharmacies impersonating doctors in order to feed her narcotics addiction…and George W and Laura Bush’s twin daughters are notorious drunkards- it was assumed that the 11-year old girl was also a relative.
Toddler Gets Wasted from Margarita in His Sippy Cup: Confirmed Bush Family Member
Mother and two-year-old son were guests at an Antioch, California Applebee’s restaurant when her son started acting extremely strange. The child, while saying jibber like “I’m the Decider” and “I want to be known as the War President” began making stupid faces and pulling on his cheeks. Mom, thinking the child was acting just like our Commander-in-Chief, thought it was mighty odd. Checking her child’s sippy-cup, she found the foul smell of tequila and triple sec.
“I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it,” the mother told the Contra Costa Times on Thursday, “but then he got sick.”
The mother went on to say that her son was talking and acting an aweful lot like President George W Bush at a Jerry Kilgore re-election campaign.
Said Kim Mayorga, the boy’s mother:
“He was acting all stupid and stuff and then he started saying dumb crap like… “I’m a compassionate conservative Mommie!” and I knew there was something very wrong with that. After we took him to the hospital, a DNA test confirmed our worst fears: ‘We’re related to the Bush Family.”
When asked what they’ll do next, Ms. Mayorga said; “Well, we’ve caught it early enough, I’m hoping strong upbringing and a sober environment will keep my son’s drinking problems to a minimum.