Iowa Court Strikes Down State’s Gay Marriage Ban

The Huffington Post is reporting that today (8/30/07) a judge copped an attitude about the gay marriage ban, declared it unconstitutional, struck it down and then demanded that marriage licenses for six gay couples be processed immediately.

Three things are for certain:

  1. Heterosexual couples marriages will begin failingFruitFly immediately.
  2. Fred Phelps‘ Winnebago will be showing up by the end of the weekend.
  3. Senator Larry Craig will be showing up with one of the Village People.

Craig says: Let me be clear! I am not gay!!

mexican fruit flies…and he’s proud and out to be a straight man!!

You didn’t really expect him to come flaming out of The Closet, breaking down and weeping sorrowful tears and tell everybody that he is a “homo”, do you? My God! Larry Craig has decades pent up hating gay men and women!

C’mon…fiddling around in the men’s room does not make you gay. If anything, it makes you “bi-curious”.

On the other end of the spectrum, here’s a picture of RepublicanGiuliani In Drag Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani in drag!

Now this is what we call “gay”.

Do you need to see Giuliani dressed like this in a video? Click here.

And here. Here. and Here. Oh. And here. And here too.

And a short video of Rudy Giuliani’s corruption problems here.

MeSo if anybody says Mitt Romney is gay, I would have to disagree. He might be “bi-curious”. He’s definitely not nearly as gay as Rudy Giuliani is…Because Giuliani’s is just plain out “gay”.

Prostitution and the GOP 2008 Convention

Old FruitfliesIt’s no secret that the Republican party has been embroiled in a series of scandals involving prostitution in the past few years. With the upcoming GOP 2008 Convention in St Paul/Minneapolis, there’s been a shortage of available prostitutes. Minnesota GOP chair, Ron Carey, has publicly announce they will begin recruiting whores and prostitutes through venues such as Craigs List.

Said Mr. Carey, about the recruiting: “John Harrington, asManwhore you know, has done and excellent job at cleaning up the streets of St Paul! Look around the Xcel Energy Center and up along 7th Street and you can’t find a whore anywhere! With the GOP’s insatiable desire for an occasional “piece of tail” outside of their own marriage, we’re having to go to a more unorthodox style of recruiting whores and prostitutes.”

Bob Allen R-Florida (Prostitute/Racist)While we might think recruiting “whores and prostitutes” relates to the importation of females. However, this GOP 2008 Convention will be demanding the services of male prostitutes as well. Bob Allen, (R-FL) who was the co-chair of John McCain Presidential campaign in FL has stated he he looking forward to sight-seeing St Paul’s public parks and interacting with St Paul’s African-American male population.

HookersSaid Allen: “Someone said I should go check out ‘Rice Park‘. Is this a nice place? Is it a great place to hang out? How are the restrooms? Are the rest rooms clean? Should I bring a towel or are there paper towel dispensers that are checked regularly? Are there a lot of scary looking black guys that hang out at that park?! I don’t want to be a statistic or anything, but if are any scary looking black guys who’d be interested in a $20-bill…Oooo…..I just can’t wait to get to St Paul. I’ve been asked to be a delegate this year you know!! The GOP has been so great!”

Coy Privette, another GOP delegate out of North CarolinaCoy Privette who will be present for the GOP 2008 Convention, has stated that he prefers the GOP “Luscious Ladies” instead of the GOP “Studs” which will be provided. Said Coy in an interview at his home in Kannapolis, NC: “I ain’t never had any Yankee ‘poontang’ b’fore! But I sure ain’t gonna turn it down if they let me have my pick!! Now I got one question before I accept this generous offer by the GOP: Can I write a check for her services?!”

GOP Chairman Ron Carey has since announced that personal checks will not be honored. All GOP-recruited prostitutes have been instructed that cash-only paid in full is the rule and untraceable small-bills are preferred.

Glenn Murphy?!?Glenn Murphy, former National Chair of the Young Republican National Federation, has been told he will not be allowed to be a delegate at the GOP 2008 Convention. But he has been asked to help withYRNF the decorations inside of the Xcel Energy Center. Murphy, who was caught performing oral sex on a 22-year old Young Republican National Federation candidate while he was sleeping, was ecstatic for the opportunity.

Murphy said smugly and shyly: “I’ve been asked to blow up the balloons.”

David Vitter is a homosexual?David Vitter, Louisiana’s favorite GOP Senator, has stated publicly stating that he will not be enlisting the services of any Yankee whore. Instead, Senator Vitter has insisted on bringing his own “Cajun Tail”. FEMA has dispatched a fleet of school buses to collect the entire stable of New Orleans whores and ship them up to the Twin Cities.

One FEMA official was upset because she was given five casesOld Bay Seasoning of Old Bay seasoning and asked to hand out one can to each hooker as she climbed onto the buss.

“I axed him; “Whaddya want me to do with the Ol’Bay?!” said the FEMA official. “I told him that Old Bay was good for crabs! … and shrimps! And da man said while he was winking at me — he says; ‘You know…’suck the heads…pinch the tails’!”

The GOP’s “Moral Majority” 2008 Campaign wouldn’t be complete without their trusty “Choir Boys”. Chairman Carey grins when he uses the term, but he’s really referring to the heavy-handed religious branch of the Grand Old Party. “We haven’t forgotten the ‘choir boys” and Carey chuckles all over Pros Wantedagain. “Ted Haggard has been panhandling his former flock in Colorado Springs hoping to raise enough money to attend the GOP 2008 Convention. Pastor Ted told me he’ll show up packing enough meth to blow up Canada.”

Said Carey: “Pastor Ted is a very tough customer too. He’s like a rabbit. He bounces from one seedy motel to another. I don’t know how we’re going tohaggard and bush be able to provide enough 49-year old male prostiutes to satisfy Pastor Ted! He gets that meth up his nose and he’s like a machine!!”

Tommy Tester, a Baptist minister will be coming to the Twin Cities too. Driving his pick-up truck from Bristol, VA, Pastor Tester plans on bringing his own case of vodka andTommy Tester his own bottle of oxycodone along the way. Out of respect for his love of singing gospel music on his radio show on WZAP, Ron Carey has asked Pastor Tester to sing the National Anthem in the opening ceremonies.

“We’ve reminded Pastor Tester” Carey said, “that he is not allowed to solicit sexual favors to the St Paul Police Department. We’ve told him that while the Bristol Police Department might decide to ignore such infidelities, we’ve checked with Chief Hamilton and Pastor Tester is strictly forbidden to propose oral sex on the male police officer corps.”Swaggart

Ron Carey added: “We will let Pastor Tester wear his skirt however. He was pretty upset by Chief Hamilton’s rule so we told him he could wear his skirt on stage while singing the National Anthem.”

Jeff Gannon4The GOP has also announced that has requested that Jeff Gannon to be present at the GOP 2008 Convention. Jeff Gannon, made famous by bloggers at Americablog and The Daily Kos, was found for staying for up to four days in the White House with no record of leaving. Mr. Gannon was famous for dressing up in a US Marine Corps uniform and escorting his client and providing “companionship”.

Ron Carey half-heartedly expected that phone call at anytime. The White House has enjoyed a close and personal relationship with Mr. Gannon ever since he started his USMC website paid for by his own business Bedrock Corp. Gannon, frequently posing nude on porn sites such as “” and “” using the moniker “Bulldog”. Gannon’s solicitous tag line on his prostitution websites was:Jeff Gannon2

Big SPORTS Fan: Will go to the game with you, then take you home and….


While the White House will argue whether Jeff Gannon is theJeff Gannon 3 “domintant top” as he claims, they are none too excited to get Gannon “top-billing” and tell the GOP how great it’s been to “serve at the pleasure of the President”.

Senator Lautenburg had sent a letter requesting Jeff Gannon’s press pass credentials two and a half years ago where his credentials were summarily revoked. Whereas the upcoming GOP 2008 Convention, Gannon will have his press-pass creditials returned and be allowed to continue his “Talon News” agency all over again.

Ron Carey explained: “It’s not a big mystery that Jeff Gannon is President Bush’s favorite whore. I mean, they wouldn’t come out and directly admit it – why should they? ButJeff Gannon Gannon had a temporary White House press pass, and remember that President Bush called on him by name. With an obscure temporary press pass in the White House Press Room, do you think the President would even know who he was if there wasn’t some kind of hanky-panky going on? Yeah..Gannon is definetely Bush’s whore. Nobody else gets to play with Gannon except for the President.”

Ron Carey was also quick to point out that they’re not really too sure how to handle all of these Republicans sexual appetites for the upcoming GOP convention. “We’re talking about an awful lot of clients with tons of tax-free money!” he said.

prostituteWe’ve begun a recruiting campaign by soliciting the use of outlets such as Craigs List, and Family Watch

When asked why they would use a sexual predator website to look for prostitutes, Ron Carey replied: “Because we need every hooker, prostitute and whore, male or female to be ready at a moment’s notice. This isn’t some gumshoe low-key event here, you know! We will be needing a lot of freaky and disease free prostitutes! Did I mention that all of this money is tax-free? Remember; the GOP is sensitive to the small business woman and business man. We know how hard it is to build a business and since prostitution is the oldest profession – we want to recognize them too. We’ll take any kind of sexual pervert regardless of race, sex or even sexual orientation. In fact, if your a gay whore — Please think of soliciting at the upcoming GOP 2008 Convention!”

We also spent a few minutes talking to the local whores to get their reaction about next years GOP 2008 Convention and we got a surprising reaction. Almost all of the prostitutes we spoke with have plans on inviting their friends.

One girl, who identified herself as “Gina” that we interviewedProstitute explained it this way: “Look. How many Republicans have you f*#$@ ? …How many people can make that claim?! Not a lot of people will ever be able to say that they’ve truly had a chance to F*$#@ a Republican…and get paid to do it?!!

That Ron Carey dude was talking to my good friend Shandra and begging her to stay in downtown and she said the same thing! You know that one Republican dude… Umm… What’s his name? Norm Coleman? His daddy picked me up on the east side of 7th over there by the Lafayette Bridge and and he wanted me to s*$% him off and all of a sudden – the cops was everywhere. So I say; “Bring your freekie-deekie on!”

So with their Bibles thumping and their peckers burning, the GOP will be sinking a great deal of money into the Twin Cities economy. The hotel industry is already limited in availability, but the seedier motel chains throughout the Twin Cities is expected to be extremely limited.

MeMinnesota State Highway Patrol have beefed up patrols around and behind the roadside rests. Minneapolis and St Paul police departments along with the surrounding suburbs have plans on beefing up security at all of the city parks. Shopping mall managers have been notified by city officials to check their public mens restrooms and repair any glory holes that might be seen in the toilet stalls.

*** UPDATE ***

Republican and chairman of St. Bernard Parish Council, Joey DiFatta has announced he will be arriving to Minneapolis/St Paul to attend the GOP festivities. He has put together aJoey DiFatta syllabus and will be conducting workshops called “Toe Tapping if Fun: How to meet that special One”.

Said DiFatta: “Everything is in there! My workshops include “Making Glory Holes”, “Talking Dirty In The Can”, I even have a course called “Toilet Toe Tapping: Beyond the Morse Code”. I’ll teach you about payment options for your anonymous sexual encounter, how to tell if they’re a cop or not, I can even teach you my secrets to cruising rest stops along the Interstates! If you can’t get someone to fool around with in the men’s room or porn shops after taking my course, you’re either stupid or dumb!”


Write your own caption

Bush Dog Thumb

 The look on the children’s face is perfect is simply fantastic….

Mitt Romney doesn’t like Arkansans

rotten fruitIt’s a shameful truth. Black Diamond Pictures and Slow Hand have released a film starring Jon Voight and Terrance Stamp called “September Dawn”. You can see the trailer by clicking here.

The film is about Bringham Young (Terrance Stamp) who encounters 120 Arkansas pioneer who’ve settled in a valley in Utah. Young, asserting himself as God on Earth, demands hisHoly Crap religious Mormon followers to kill the Arkansans in a mass genocide. In the trailer, you hear one actor shout: “Mormons! Do your duty to God!” and the muskets go a-blazing.

The film is based on historical record and a few basic facts. The Mormon church has decried the film as nothing but rubbish. If you count only the completely fictional love-interest in the film, you might be right! Jon Voight can’t act either. But if you consider that 120 people were murdered by a psychopath who believed God tells him to kill others, you might watch it with a bit of nausea.

Republican Presidential-hopeful Governor Mitt Romney has pooh-poohed the ruckus by stating, and I’m paraphrasing here:

“…so what?!  Every church has its bad people. I have bad people in my church too!”

Could it be that Mitt Romney had an ancestor named Parley Pratt that was murdered in Arkansas only months before the “Mountain Meadows” massacre leaving twelve widowed-wives?! Romney might be pleased that there’s some justice in this world after all! Or perhaps it’s because Mitt Romney has only one wife and the Church of Latter Day Saints strictly forbids monogamous marriages?

Ashamed Blog

Either way, the Governor has an aweful lot to apologize for, and I would think he should begin apologizing to theMe descendants of those 120 victims lost in the Utah wilderness.

Hollywood Flies

Old FruitfliesRupert Murdoch’s Fox television gets more gay

Brad Pitt

Gay and Lesbian people everywhere don’t know whether to love or hate Rupet Murdoch. His Fox News channel is patently homophobic, however his Fox television channels and his FX channel couldn’t be more gay friendly. For example; FX has carried “Nip/Tuck” for it’s fourth season, and nothing was more controversial than when Matt McMahon, the son, makes out with a transvestite and he’s repulsed by it. The season finishes with Matt being chased out by the transvestite and all of her friends who finally catch up to him and they pull down their mini-skirts and they piss on him. (Here’s a YouTube of the scene, but somebody decided to re-record the music track and thought it was funny. It’s very weird, so watch the video with the sound off and you get the jist.)

Now Brad Pitt has joined up with Murdoch‘s bipolar relationship with GLBT issues with a show called 4oz. Variety is talking about Pitt doing an ambitious drama about the metamorphosis of a man who realizes he’s a transsexual.

4 oz. tells the story of a married male gynecologist, who shares a medical practice with his father, with two sons whose life takes a radical gender turn.

Ryan Murphy, the creator for Nip/Tuck and Brad Falchuk, the medical writer for Nip/Tuck are involved in the project.

Fox News hates Hollywood Fred more than you do!

Republican ElephantRoger Ailes and Fox News have begun running negative stories about the Republican’s Hollywood elite: Fred Thompson.

First came Carl Cameron’s report that made a point of observing, somewhat contemptuously, that Thompson wore Gucci loafers to the Iowa state fair. Then Cameron reported that Thompson was the only candidate to get around the state fair in a golf cart, evoking the image not of a golfer as much as someone zipping around his retirement community.

Now we have Fox News reporting on Thompson’s appearance at the Veterans of Foreign Wars convention yesterday. He spoke on the same day as Barack Obama and Fox notes that the juxtaposition was not a flattering one…for Gramps.

You can watch that video here.

Princess Sparkle Pony
Most Eligible Bachelorette: Princess Sparkle Pony points out Forbes’s typo

Forbes magazine has made Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice “Most Elegible Bachellorette“. Princess Sparkle Pony has objected to this horror and has declared it an obvious typo.

She makes a valid point in saying:Eligible Condi

Clearly this is an error; how, exactly, are they defining eligible? I think this is just another one of those clerical errors, as when she was recently, hilariously, named the most influential person in the District. LOL! As if!

Anything else funny about the article? We’re also tied for 20th place as drinkiest city… with San Francisco? I’m sorry, but DC is way, way drunker. I think the most humorous thing about the piece, though, is that we’re rated #6 best city for singles overall, perhaps due to our 33% unmarried statistic. Um… hello? Forbes? PSSST! We’re all hairdressers! Or otherwise unmarriable! Also, apparently, we’re the fifth best city for young professionals, which means that all those dirt-poor staffers on The Hill who are in their 20s but still have to have roommates are luckier than they knew!

While you’re admiring Princess Sparkle Pony’s blog, be very sure to notice her “Condoleeza Rice Hair-Do Alert System” which is, thankfully, remaining steady at “Guarded”.

Note to self 1 of 2: Forbes lists Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold as “Most Eligible Bachelor”. While Rice is described as “relaxed” and available, Feingold’s description notes he’s been divorced twice already and unavailable for any kind of “presidential material”.

Not to self 2 of 2: Add Princess Sparkle Pony to the Fruit Fly blogroll.

Hollywood Religion: Naked Jesus

Do you remember when John Ashcroft, US Attorney General Ashcroft - Statues paid taxpayer money to have various nude sculptures covered up because “he didn’t like being photographed in front of them”. Apparently, conservative Christians reallly hate nudity.

So if you want to really piss off your Fundie/Neocon relative, talk about this Naked Jesus story a lot.

Michaelangelo was commissioned to sculpture a statute of Christ for a family tombstone. The sculpture was Naked Christcommissioned and Christ’s image was expected to be nude: As a sign of humility towards mankind. Well, whatever happened to it? Michaelangelo didn’t finish the work because of a flaw in the marble and so it went to the back of the art world’s showroom floor. The statue
Apparently, Michelangelo spent two years carving the sculpture from the feet up only to abandon the piece when he discovered flaws in the white marble when he began work on the face, at which point he gave the sculpture away in exchange for a horse.

While Michaelangelo’s David was sculpted with an uncircumcised penis, there’s no word on whether Jesus Christ was cut…or uncut.

Hollywood Preachers

Gulfstream G4SPBenny Hinn is asking for 6,000 of his followers to give him $1,000 so he can purchase a brand-new Gulfstream jet which he will be calling it “Dove One“.

The actor/performer promises that:

As a thank you gift, Benny will send you a “beautiful art-quality model of Dove One for your desk or mantle as a constant reminder that you are a vital part of this last-days harvest for souls,” and your name will be inscribed on Dove One — so you can fly with Benny — in spirit.

Benny Hinn is speaking in tongues here. He states “beautiful art-quality model of Dove One” is the Holy Spirit talking through him. In plain old English for you and I: Benny will send you a piece of shit plastic airplane that Gulfstream makes as a marketing tool for assholes like Benny to lust after.

Pam Spaulding, Pam’s House Blend, has tons of links aboutFruitFly this Jesus-fraud including tax evasion cases, investigations by Dateline NBC on Hinn’s questionable religious practices and investigations by religious organizations.

Time to start thinning the herd

Americans United for Change have selected MicheleThe terrifying and horrifying Michele Bachmann Bachmann (R-MN 6th) to zero in and get their voices heard. They’ve launched a district-wide campaign to pull ministers and pastors for a variety of Christian faiths where they’ll sound-off to the homophobic Congresswoman. AUC also has a video up and available that will be aired in the Twin Cities soon.

Meanwhile, Minnesota’s State Health Commissioner Dianne Mandernach has announced that she is leaving October 2.


In 2004, her credibility suffered when a website posting by the department suggested that abortion might have a role in breast cancer. Critics denounced those claims as junk science, and the wording was removed from the website.

LiarDo you see what kind of “professionalism” a Republican goveror will bring ya?!? Can you imagine this state health commissioner trying to push that kind of health-issue in a speech in front of the senior staff at the Mayo Clinic, or at the Virginia Piper Cancer Institute?!

But it gets worse, much worse.

The Health Department had discovered in early 2006 that the 35 miners were stricken with mesothelioma between 1997 and 2005. That was twice as many miner cancer deaths than wereBarbara Cubin reported in the previous nine years.

Nice, huh? It isn’t good enough that health care is unavailable for most Minnesotans. It’s when our government covers it up that private corporations are killing us and getting away with it!

This summer, Mandernach was criticized over her suppression of a state study about 35 cancer deaths related to taconite mining on Minnesota’s Iron Range.

HypocritThe Star Tribe is being nice here. The DFL actually lit a fire under her butt to get the media to actually take notice and talk about this horrific act of governing.

Now we have to ramp it up and get rid of Lt Governor Carol Molnau. I’m still stunned there isn’t a criminal investigation that’s been launched yet. Minneapolis Police Chief has FruitFlycordoned off the bridge site and declared it a criminal investigation area – but there hasn’t been a criminal investigation started. …at least that I am aware. And, there should be one started and it should be started immediately.

Found near a coffee cup

MOrning CoffeeLost and Found

In 1994, The Clinton Administration was subpoenaed by Congress for billing records from Hillary’s Rose Law Firm. The Clinton’s didn’t respond because they said they couldn’t find the records anywhere. Then in 1996, the records were found in a room next to the Oval Office. The newly controlled Republican Congress rolled their eyes in dramatic fashion and even Rush Limbaugh said: “oh puuuh-leeeeze”.

Fair enough! Record keeping that bad deserves a good kick in the teeth. This is the office of the President of the United States, not some half-wit hacks running the country.

But little attention is noted to the White House who, when subpoenaed by the newly controlled Democratic Congress demanding documents related to alleged illegal wiretapping. The White House told Congress that they couldn’t find the documents until yesterday

But where they stuffed underneath a few boxes? Behind the bureau? Nope! They were in Vice President Cheney’s office the entire time!! That’s the good news!

The bad news? Cheney’s office isn’t handing the documents over to Congress. Cheney has decided that claiming Executive Priveledge is a right bestowed up on the Office of the Vice President. (Even though he’s really not in the Executive Branch two months ago to the day.)

All together now: “OH PUHH-LEEEZE!!”

Liberal blogger kicks Fred Thompson in thegroin kick ‘Nads

The guy who leaked the story about Mark Foley (R-FL) has once again shown to the world that he has a spine. Congressional Democrats are stunned to learn that kicking a Royal Republican is not only possible, but quite fun!

Lane Hudson has filed an FCC Complaint against Fred “Lazy-Ass” Thompson for, well… being a lazy ass!

“[Thompson] has been presenting himself as a candidate for President, he has been raising large sums of money beyond what would be required to explore a possible candidacy.”

Hudson’s blog entry continues:

and he has signed a long term lease on a headquarters for his campaign. He has even spent advertising dollars, which are specifically prohibited by the law.

Thompson spokesperson has confirmed: Fred Thompson’s balls have been kicked pretty hard, but they’re still pretty red.

Metal BatDon’t take your metal bat love to town

President Bush’s original White House Press Secretary, Ari Fleischer is running a new political spin game. He’s campaigning to lift a city-wide ban on metal baseball bats in high school games. Fleischer’s “Don’t Take My Bat Away” campaign states that he thinks metal baseball bats are perfectly safe and keeping them out of the game is completely unfair. He thinks the city managers aren’t qualified to make such a decision and thinks it would be better to let “his experts decide” such matters.

Oh! I forgot the best part! The name of the town is “Pound Ridge”, New York.


Bugle BoyToot my own horn

August 1st, I was the first to break the story about Minneapolis’ I-35W bridge collapse and to point out Republican Tim Pawlenty was running this state “on the cheap“. Four hours after the bridge collapsed, I blogged the fact that the Democrats knew there was a problem with our roads and bridges and Tim Pawlenty vetoed the DFL bills to begin a plan to fix these transportation problems. I was pummeled by right-wing nut jobs demanding that I shut up, and that I was a complete A-Hole because of politicizing such a tragedy.

From The Nation magazine to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, I was the first one to speak up about this horror and accuse the Republican Governor of negligence and his arrogance for his DFL legislature. And I was told to shut up.Granny Smith

Yesterday, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune has published a story that stating that MinnDOT knew about the bridge’s weaknesses and they were told to ignore it.

Internal MnDOT documents reviewed by the Star Tribune reveal that last year bridge officials talked openly about the possibility of the bridge collapsing — and worried that it might have to be condemned.

But five weeks later, all those preparations stopped. In a single conference call on Jan. 17, the same consultants who said reinforcement plates were needed to strengthen the bridge cautioned MnDOT that drilling for the retrofit could weaken it.

“That was the turning point. That’s where we turned the ship 180 degrees,” said state bridge engineer Dan Dorgan.

Republican arrogance caused this bridge to fall. And it was Republican apathy towards our infrastructure that caused the senseless and horrible death of twelve 13 Minnesotans.

Today, Bush is in town for a fund raiser for Republican Senator Norm Coleman’s utterly failed re-election campaign. Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty asked the Republican President to up the ante of money the Feds could give Minnesota by making it a an official disaster site. Fourteen minutes ago from the time of writing: Bush declares federal emergency at Minn. bridge collapse.

The city and state became eligible for more federal assistance for the recovery from the interstate bridge collapse on Tuesday when President Bush declared an emergency exists in the state, the White House said.

This Governor’s administration team knew this bridge would collapse. Governor Pawlenty, his Lt Governor Carol Molnau, or quite possibly both of them knew it was only a matter of time. Bush’s appearance for a fund raiser, giving more money to Pawlenty for the collapse, and the overwhelming support from this Republican White House stinks to high Heaven.

The Star-Tribune’s craziest lunatic for a “journalist” is conservative Katherine Kersten (a.k.a. “Rita Skeeter”). Her Sunday’s column is entitled: Bridge collapse ought to unite us, not divide us.

They’ve been dividing us since the days of Reagan who demonized our government. They’ve insisted our government doesn’t work and isn’t worth saving. They’ve vetoed our plans, and then complained Democrats have no plan!

FruitFlyHow can we be united when they hate our country? Where’s the unison when anybody that disagrees with these Republicans are immediately shouted down?

They won’t let us use stem-cells to look for cures for our children. They have a higher regard forBlue Light mega health insurance companies than they do for our children. If our kids do survive and grow up to healthy young men and women; they’re lured and bribed to go fight for their global oil wars. How can they govern while our families are dead at the bottom of a river underneath hudreds of tons of crumpled steel?!? These Republicans govern like they have a coupon to a Blue Light special special, and you’re “the Special”.

Fruit Fly News: The Imprecatory Prayer Meeting

FFNGood evening and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name is Frizzie McBee.

In tonight’s news, we’ll take a closer look at the recent announcement of First Twin, Jenna Bush’s recent engagement! Is Ms. Bush pregnant? And will she be giving birth by Immaculate Conception?!

But first we feel compelled to thank each on of you loyal FruitGlenn Beck Fly News listeners for your time and your interest. We are just six people shy of having a larger listening audience than Glenn Beck on CNN!! With Paula Zahn’s show being eliminated, rumors have it that Fruit Fly News is being considered a possible candidate for replacement. And we couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.

Girls gone wild?! …Or girls hot for Kucinich! That’s what Hyla Matthews thinks in her video debut. You’ve all seen the hot and sexy girl who’s got a crush on Presidential-hopeful Barak Obama. Then there was “Hott4Hill“, a viral video of Taryn Southern who has a lesbian crush on Hillary Clinton. Never short of ideas; “Debate 08: Obama Girl vs Giuliani Girl“came out. It’s a girl-on-girl action video where Obama’s girl notes Giuliana one time married his cousin and Giuliani girl would make wife #4. Hyla Matthews has now upped the ante with her view new video “I wanna have sex with Kucinich“.

The quality of the video is terrible. The budget to make the film was the equivalent to price of a Baby Ruth bar, but it topples the other videos in creativity and humor. Hyla cuts out the Kucinich’s face (alegedly from the television screen while watching a political ad) and she straps his face to the head of a ventriloquist’s dummy. Stop-short video shows things like hot-dogs being inserted into donuts and gas-pump nozzles being shoved into gas tanks and the rest is filled with Hyla dancing with the dummy. The video finishes with the mannequin having sex with her, complete with noises such as the zipper of his trousers and her asking it: “Have you put it in yet?” The doll climbs off of her, apparently insulted by the penis-size reference, and you can’t help notice he’s wearing Superman underwear.

Ultimate Fighting CharacterWhile we’re talking about erotica, the Pentagon has turned the United States Military into a giant sized “Jesus Machine” complete with “Tough-Man Meetings”. Under the heading “Entertainment”, the USO has been sponsoring D-List actors such as Stephen Baldwin and a massive production called “Operation Straight Up Tour”.

While gays and lesbians are considered a distraction to our troops if allowed to serve in the armed forces: “Straight up” penises are never distracted when they attend the tour that calls for a “crusade in Iraq”. The Bush Administration condemns Muslim jihaadists. But an American jihaad comes with a video game called ” Left Behind, Eternal Forces” (a video game where the players are in a time after the rapture) and t-shirts with homoerotic artwork painted on the front.

“We feel the forces of heaven have encouraged us to perform multiple crusades that will sweep through this war torn region,” OSU declares on its website about its planned trip to Iraq. “We’ll hold the only religious crusade of its size in the dangerous land of Iraq.”

D-List actor Stephen Baldwin is heavily involved with thisBarney Rubble American jihaad in Iraq. As a cultural counselor to President Bush, missionary to American young people and a rising star within the leadership of the American (Evangelical) jihaad, Baldwin writes in his book:

“God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to try to do, and if you try to stop me I am going to break your face.”

Reports everywhere have noted Baldwin no longer wears his “What Would Jesus Do?” bracelet.

The American jihaad hasn’t stopped at violence and homoerotic art. They’ve also crossed the threshold of “Ultimate Christian Taboo” by calling for an “Imprecatory Prayer” against a group called “Americans United For Separation of Church and State“.

Imprecatory Prayer is a difficult thing to understand. But, perhaps it’s best defined this way:

Imprecatory prayer is a last resort appeal to GodFox Prayer for justice. The so called ‘curses’ are simply the just penalty called for in the scriptures for the alleged crime. Imprecatory prayer is an appeal to the court of divine justice (1) for protection and (2) the appropriate punishment for the criminals.

Imprecatory Prayer, for Christians is highly taboo because the prayer itself has an extremely caustic boomerang effect:

Your personal adversary is not always God’s enemy: If a neighbor backs over your mail box time after time, you may be angry and extremely frustrated. But you are dealing with a neighbor, not an enemy of God.

Meet Rev. Wiley Drake. Former Vice President of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC); current pastor of First Southern Baptist Church of Buena Park, California. He’s also the current darkhorse candidate for president of the SBC. Reverend Drake has called for an Imprecatory Prayer to those who support Americans United, and especially communications staffers Joe Conn and Jeremy Leaming; and executive director Barry Lynn.

Jesus Truck“Reverend Drake” has become so hateful, that he is willing to call upon God the Father to put a curse on another American. And with patriotism like that, who needs another monster truck in their back-yard?

But what was the reason for such a horrible and “religiously dangerous” thing?


AU and the communications staffers had filed a complaint with the IRS that Reverend Wiley Drake had been endorsing Republican Presidential-hopefule Mike Huckabee and using his church stationary to do it. Rather than follow the law and separate his church from state activities, Reverend Drake has called for Imprecatory Prayer because these people won’t let him campaign for Mike Huckabee using his powerful church as a lobbying group.

Jesus’ General has written a piece on this in an open letter to Reverend Wiley Drake. In it, he makes an interesting observation:

I also understand that you are an Ambassador for the Presidential Prayer Team, and as such, I assume you are employing the power of prayer to assist Huckabee. But have you considered how much more his campaign could be helped by imprecatory prayer.

Imagine how voters would react to a hairless, toothless, boil infested Mitt Romney. And why stop there, why not ask God to make Mitt farthaggard the horrible loudly and scratch himself during interviews.

Since Reverend Drake is indeed a leader of the Presidential Prayer Team, it’s safe to assume that he’s also buying gay-porn, smoking crack and regularly having sex with a 49 year old male prostitute.

Finally tonight; Presidential prostitution! Presidential First Twin, Jenna Bush is finally getting married! While she’s Babara Bush Drunkslutted her way from bars in Austin, Texas all the way to Johannesburg, South Africa, she’s finally putting her plastic beer cup down and sleeping with only one dick from now on.

Rumors abound that she’s pregnant already. But this impossible knowing that Jenna Bush has been in rehab along with her sister Barbara and her three cousins, Jebby, George “P” and Nichole.

Aunt Sassy has been blogging the Bush grandchildren where she writes from her condo:

I was sitting at my desk, wearing my red cotton bikini briefs, reading an article on AmericaBlog about Jenna dry-humping her boyfriend in a drunken state at Zucchabar last weekend when I decided that it was time to take action! The Bush grandchildren are O.O.C. (out of control)!

In my rage, I went about securing permits, hiring social workers, and procuring plenty of Lithium as I prepared to open the first “Bush-Child Halfway House.”

The blog reads like a train-wreck on benzadrine, but who could blame her? Rehabbing Bush grand-children would qualify for saint hood! Aunt Sassy’s blog entry on Monday, the first week:

…While storming through the parlor, I witnessed Jenna clinking the ice in her glass at him and slurring out “Georgie, be a dear and refresh my Jack and G … and not so much icey-ice this time.” Much to hertexas children chagrin, he was busy doing runway briefings with Lauren. “No, you fat-assed loser! I said pivot on 7, NOT 8. Now let’s start from the top … 5, 6, 7, 8!”

Reliable sources such as Wonkette have all but confirmed Jenna is indeed pregnant and this child is at high risk of alcohol fetal syndrome.

But the question remains: “Who is this republican baby’s father?!” Some have speculated that it was Elvis Presley who impregnated the Bush Princess. Others have speculated that it was really Prince Frederick von Anhalt, the German husband to Zsa Zsa Gabor who also claimed to be the father of Anna Nichole Smith’s baby. Or perhaps we’re going through a whole new chapter in our civilization and Jenna is giving birth to ourFFN Lord and Savior!”

I thank you for tuning into The Fruit Fly News. Please join us again next week when we’ll discuss the absence of Republicans at the Log Cabin Presidential Debates. My name is Frizzie McBee. Good night.


Professional Republican Wife Beaters

mexican fruit fliesEverybody loves a wife-beater. Don’t you love them? I don’t think everybody knows and appreciates the difficulty a notorious wife-beater endures while he’s beating his wife.

The electric cord, perhaps a frying pan, maybe something dangerous as a handy lamp on the sofa table! It’s difficult to chose what to beat the wife with, and so there’s some small measure of skill involved. To use a golfing term — you might say “a professional swing” that’s necessary.

Minnesota has a Professional Republican Wife Beater in our legislature, Representative Mark Olson (R-Big Lake).

Olson, a Republican from Big Lake who was convicted of misdemeanor assault in July, also must pay nearly $400 in fines and court costs, attend a 12-week behavior-oriented workshop and have no contact with his wife, Heidi Olson. District Judge Alan Pendleton stayed a 90-day jail term.

Representative Olson, a very conservative Christian man who hates homosexuality and has run many legislative campaigns for a Minnesota constitutional amendment to express the fact. He also loves to fight with his wife Heidi and beat her up behind the garage. He denies this though. He told the judge during the trial that the opposite was true: That she beat him up… with the Holy Bible!

Now let’s regroup for a minute and make sure this is in a clear perspective.

Representative Olson married Heidi who had five childrenRep Mark Olson from a previous marriage. They break out into a fight in the back yard and she manages to dial 9-1-1 saying that he violently pushed her down three times. (For those of you who insist on dirty and nasty gossip: The fight was over one of her children who happens to be autistic, a friendly game of Monopoly and the child’s failed attempt to purchase a hotel for one of his properties. But I’m not one to spread any gossip here. So you didn’t hear that from me.) Olson totally disagrees with this.  Representative Olson says:

… he’d grabbed his wife by the shoulders and “placed her on the ground.” And during part of pre-trial hearings a Sherburne County sheriff’s investigator testified that Olson called him three times after his arrest trying to persuade him it was more a case of “disorderly conduct” than domestic assault.

I’ve heard about these “domestic dispute cases”. Have you heard of them too? It’s the same every single damned time: “He gently places his hands on his wife shoulders while they’re arguing and he delicately places her on the ground while screaming and shouting at her.” I hear about those things all of the time. It’s in the “Professional Republican Wife Beating Manual For Dummies” manual, chapter six, page 123.

Something else all Professional Republican Wife Beating Manual for Dummies readers should know: “How to clarify to the judge and jury that she isn’t the real victim here.” Judges and juries always get this messed up in their pea-brained little heads: She isn’t the victim: “I’m the victim!!!” It’s extremely important that if you’re ever caught beating your wife, you need to explain that everybody has misunderstood – “I’m the real victim!”.

It’s a little known clause in the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual that says: “In order to confuse the judge and jury by showing your victim-side: Insist that she takes in the blame and that you were driven to a violent behavior because (and you have to pick one): a.) “it was self-defense, I was protecting myself” or b.) “she’s been beating me for years and I finally fought back…Thank Gawd – I finally had to fight back!” and then there’s c:) She has burned the meat-loaf too many times….She deserved it.

Now, the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual is very clear on this rule: You can only pick one of those. Chapter 9, page 602 is clear on this: “Choosing b.) and c. ) makes you look like an unprofessional Republican wife beater. For example; you can not say; “She’s been beating me up for years…Thank God I finally faught back – Besides, she burned the meat-loaf again tonight.” It only makes you look pathetic and sad.

Mark Olson mug-shotIt’s a great tactic. All Professional Republican wife beaters know this trick. It demonstrates to all of your glorious Royal Republican voters that you’ll defend them if anyone of their wives even *thinks* about arguing or even disagreeing with you. If you’re not familiar with all of the nuances of this trick; I highly recommend you pick up your copy of the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual. It’ll save you a butt-load in attorney’s fees.

Let’s get to the story.

The fight originated over a game of Monopoly. The autisticGOP child, was playing the game with the “PRWB” and child paid the wrong price for a hotel piece! The PRWB couldn’t get over it – berated the kid and chastised him for the mistake until the child started hitting himself (as many autistic children will do). The PRWB, insisting that disciplining an autistic child for an indiscretion was just as important as disciplining his wife, berated the kid until the kid began beating himself in the head.

Another sibling, alarmed by the noises coming from the other room, called the mother who wasn’t at home at the time. She tried to referee the situation remotely: She told the kid to grab the child who had the Monopoly/money issue and take him upstairs and read a book or something. Good job Mom! Get the kid away from the PRWB quick and yet keep him near a safety net with the other sibling! Three big stars for Mom thinking fast with a cell-phone!

That really pissed of the PRWB. He copped an attitude with the sibling and went insane with rage that the wife would dare intervened with his Christ-Centered masculinity. She also undermined his pleasure in verbally abusing an autistic child who’s now beating himself in the head with fistfuls of Monopoly cash.

Mom gets home (a few hours later) and the argument lasted for two…three days since. It’s a stand-off: He’s pissed that her autistic kid can’t figure out Monopoly money and she’s mega-pissed he can’t respect her as a mother to an autistic kid!

He’s the head of the home. He decides how to discipline their children. The Bible tells us this in the King James Version! He’s the head of the household, and the “wife must be submissive!”.

He states in his testimony than this heated argument he gets concerned that she might kill him! But he takes comfort in remembering God tells him in the Bible that we shouldn’t think like that. (Please help yourself to the video credits at the end of this piece for the references to this testimoney.)

Meanwhile, she’s terrified on behalf of her autistic kid on one the hand and a Professional Republican Wife Beater on the other!!

A few days later and they’re still arguing on the way home. She’s still trying to explain it to her new husband that raising an autistic child is a lot different than children who aren’t. They’re behind the garage headed toward the back-door and that’s when PRWB apparently exploded in an “absolute rage, touched his wife gingerly on the shoulders and gently helped her down to the ground.”

Mrs. Olson is also quick to point out that the PRWB is a very conservative “Christian”, and who loves the Lord Jesus Christ.

Heidi maintains Olson’s biblical interpretation of the man being the head of the home meant that Olson has total control of everything in the home, and that her role was to merely support whatever decisions he made.

Does this sound like a Professional Republican Wife Beater to you? She also said:

“My opinions regarding raising children, or how I felt something should be done, were not going to be listened to,” Heidi says. “He had an idea of how it should be done, and he really wanted it to be done that way.”

Let’s not forget that these are not his children… they’re all her children from a previous marriage. But let’s not interrupt her train of thought.

Heidi went on to say:

“He saw any input I wanted to have on disciplining my own children—my biological children—as being disrespectful to him,” Heidi says.

Olson conducted family life much like politics, Heidi contends. She says the politician, husband and father saw issues as black or white, right or wrong. But politics did not work in a blended family situation, she says in which diplomacy and compromise was needed.

Olson’s harsh disposition was particularly egregious concerning Heidi’s autistic son. When the boy would make a mistake about something, Heidi says Olson would not overlook the error even though it might be petty.

Now that does coincide with the way Mark Olson acted as a legislature!

You see, another tactic as a Professional Republican Wife Beater manual is to beat other sub-groups in society with your love for the Bible. In this case, the Representative hates “The gays”. So in this video clip, weHomer Marriage get to see a Professional Republican Wife Beater in the Minnesota Legislature preaching about the Word of God. He talks about the Holy Scripture and how much God The Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost… Hates the Gays!!

Aa a professional in wife beater; you know and understand that preaching the message of God in the hallowed halls of the Minnesota Legislature will get you re-elected! You return to your constituents in your district the fact that that you have indeed pontificated the Word of the Lord while wearing your “What Would Jesus Do” bracelet on your wrist.

You’ve prove to the masses that while you’re pontificating your love of the Holy Book to the voting caucuses in front ofthe Minnesota Legislature: You’ve also been been busy beating your wife behind the garage because you have an autistic child.

Nick Coleman of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune writes:Bob Ney’s New Home?!

Mark Olson, an eight-term conservative who has been one of the preachifying lawmakers who have spent years trying to write their religion into government, shouldn’t complain, either. You are asking for it when you walk out of jail carrying a Bible, as Olson did, claiming your beliefs make you the “head of the household.”

And I would have to agree. Matthew 7:5 says:

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Representative Olson insists that all of this horror and embarrassment is simply a mistake and a terrible misunderstanding. To their dis credit, the Minnesota GOP has virtually stripped him of the House causes shortly after his arrest last November. However, the GOP District chair supports him and is encouraging him to run for re-election!

Olson has insisted he will not resign and he has the support of the Republican chair of his legislative district. Paul Vollkommer, chair of House District 16B, says he may encourage Olson to run again.

“Mark’s an excellent representative in the Legislature and we’ll have to take it from here to see where he wants to go. I haven’t heard from him on whether he wants to run again or not run again,” he said.


Can you just hear the “giddiness” in his tone in that? He almost gushes about this Professional Republican Wife Beater! He loves the guy!!

The House, owned by the DFL, has the GOP at a horrible disadvantage. If Representative Mark Olson resigns, it’s almost a guarantee he’ll be replaced by a DFL’er, making an even bigger majority count in the House in favor of the DFL. If he doesn’t resign, he’ll be nothing but political rotting meat for the GOP to reminded about ever day they’re in session. And considering that Olson has already been stripped of everything except his Holy Bible and his Sunday School Attendance pins, the district he represents is left with a huge eye-sore of a political problem.

House Minority Leader (GOP) Minority Seifert may speak to DFL House Speaker Margaret Anderson Kelliher about aFruitFly bipartisan complaint against (Professional Republican Wife Beater) Olson. There needs to be a two-thirds majority to kick him out. Anybody want to take bets that they have the needed votes?!

I’ve tried to contact the Rudy Giuliani election about this PRWB case. The Minnesota “Team Rudy” Campaign officially kicks off tomorrow and I still haven’t heard what Olson will be doing at this kickoff celebration.


You can read Mrs. Olson’s story here.

You can hear her side of the story via YouTube here.

You can watch the NBC affiliate KARE-11 explain the entire story here.

You can watch the NBC affiliate KARE-11 give the story about Mark Olson’s defense by being the “battered husband” here. While watching, listen close to the reporter quote Olson and how he uses King James “Bible” language in his testimony. Junk like; “I said… ‘Why do you provoke me so?”(Please read my WCCO link about KARE-11’s “battered husband” testimony below.)

You can get a sample of Rep Mark Olson’s behavior problems here and here while on the legislative floor. You can think about those children left alone with him playing Monopoly while you’re watching.

You can watch the CBS affiliate WCCO ponder the profound and earth shattering newsworthy discussion on “battered husbands” here. The Professional Republican Wife Beaters are very effective in propagandizing their “professionalism”, aren’t they?!

Notice that WCCO doesn’t discuss the issue of domestic violence, do they? No they don’t. Nor do they discuss whether domestic violence is up in America, or the number of children who are caught in the crossfire of domestic violence. Instead, WCCO rushes to the aid and sympathy of this Professional Republican Wife Beater and discusses the obscure battered husband problem in America. Because that’s a “Good Question”!!