Iowa Court Strikes Down State’s Gay Marriage Ban

The Huffington Post is reporting that today (8/30/07) a judge copped an attitude about the gay marriage ban, declared it unconstitutional, struck it down and then demanded that marriage licenses for six gay couples be processed immediately.

Three things are for certain:

  1. Heterosexual couples marriages will begin failingFruitFly immediately.
  2. Fred Phelps‘ Winnebago will be showing up by the end of the weekend.
  3. Senator Larry Craig will be showing up with one of the Village People.

Craig says: Let me be clear! I am not gay!!

mexican fruit flies…and he’s proud and out to be a straight man!!

You didn’t really expect him to come flaming out of The Closet, breaking down and weeping sorrowful tears and tell everybody that he is a “homo”, do you? My God! Larry Craig has decades pent up hating gay men and women!

C’mon…fiddling around in the men’s room does not make you gay. If anything, it makes you “bi-curious”.

On the other end of the spectrum, here’s a picture of RepublicanGiuliani In Drag Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani in drag!

Now this is what we call “gay”.

Do you need to see Giuliani dressed like this in a video? Click here.

And here. Here. and Here. Oh. And here. And here too.

And a short video of Rudy Giuliani’s corruption problems here.

MeSo if anybody says Mitt Romney is gay, I would have to disagree. He might be “bi-curious”. He’s definitely not nearly as gay as Rudy Giuliani is…Because Giuliani’s is just plain out “gay”.

Prostitution and the GOP 2008 Convention

Old FruitfliesIt’s no secret that the Republican party has been embroiled in a series of scandals involving prostitution in the past few years. With the upcoming GOP 2008 Convention in St Paul/Minneapolis, there’s been a shortage of available prostitutes. Minnesota GOP chair, Ron Carey, has publicly announce they will begin recruiting whores and prostitutes through venues such as Craigs List.

Said Mr. Carey, about the recruiting: “John Harrington, asManwhore you know, has done and excellent job at cleaning up the streets of St Paul! Look around the Xcel Energy Center and up along 7th Street and you can’t find a whore anywhere! With the GOP’s insatiable desire for an occasional “piece of tail” outside of their own marriage, we’re having to go to a more unorthodox style of recruiting whores and prostitutes.”

Bob Allen R-Florida (Prostitute/Racist)While we might think recruiting “whores and prostitutes” relates to the importation of females. However, this GOP 2008 Convention will be demanding the services of male prostitutes as well. Bob Allen, (R-FL) who was the co-chair of John McCain Presidential campaign in FL has stated he he looking forward to sight-seeing St Paul’s public parks and interacting with St Paul’s African-American male population.

HookersSaid Allen: “Someone said I should go check out ‘Rice Park‘. Is this a nice place? Is it a great place to hang out? How are the restrooms? Are the rest rooms clean? Should I bring a towel or are there paper towel dispensers that are checked regularly? Are there a lot of scary looking black guys that hang out at that park?! I don’t want to be a statistic or anything, but if are any scary looking black guys who’d be interested in a $20-bill…Oooo…..I just can’t wait to get to St Paul. I’ve been asked to be a delegate this year you know!! The GOP has been so great!”

Coy Privette, another GOP delegate out of North CarolinaCoy Privette who will be present for the GOP 2008 Convention, has stated that he prefers the GOP “Luscious Ladies” instead of the GOP “Studs” which will be provided. Said Coy in an interview at his home in Kannapolis, NC: “I ain’t never had any Yankee ‘poontang’ b’fore! But I sure ain’t gonna turn it down if they let me have my pick!! Now I got one question before I accept this generous offer by the GOP: Can I write a check for her services?!”

GOP Chairman Ron Carey has since announced that personal checks will not be honored. All GOP-recruited prostitutes have been instructed that cash-only paid in full is the rule and untraceable small-bills are preferred.

Glenn Murphy?!?Glenn Murphy, former National Chair of the Young Republican National Federation, has been told he will not be allowed to be a delegate at the GOP 2008 Convention. But he has been asked to help withYRNF the decorations inside of the Xcel Energy Center. Murphy, who was caught performing oral sex on a 22-year old Young Republican National Federation candidate while he was sleeping, was ecstatic for the opportunity.

Murphy said smugly and shyly: “I’ve been asked to blow up the balloons.”

David Vitter is a homosexual?David Vitter, Louisiana’s favorite GOP Senator, has stated publicly stating that he will not be enlisting the services of any Yankee whore. Instead, Senator Vitter has insisted on bringing his own “Cajun Tail”. FEMA has dispatched a fleet of school buses to collect the entire stable of New Orleans whores and ship them up to the Twin Cities.

One FEMA official was upset because she was given five casesOld Bay Seasoning of Old Bay seasoning and asked to hand out one can to each hooker as she climbed onto the buss.

“I axed him; “Whaddya want me to do with the Ol’Bay?!” said the FEMA official. “I told him that Old Bay was good for crabs! … and shrimps! And da man said while he was winking at me — he says; ‘You know…’suck the heads…pinch the tails’!”

The GOP’s “Moral Majority” 2008 Campaign wouldn’t be complete without their trusty “Choir Boys”. Chairman Carey grins when he uses the term, but he’s really referring to the heavy-handed religious branch of the Grand Old Party. “We haven’t forgotten the ‘choir boys” and Carey chuckles all over Pros Wantedagain. “Ted Haggard has been panhandling his former flock in Colorado Springs hoping to raise enough money to attend the GOP 2008 Convention. Pastor Ted told me he’ll show up packing enough meth to blow up Canada.”

Said Carey: “Pastor Ted is a very tough customer too. He’s like a rabbit. He bounces from one seedy motel to another. I don’t know how we’re going tohaggard and bush be able to provide enough 49-year old male prostiutes to satisfy Pastor Ted! He gets that meth up his nose and he’s like a machine!!”

Tommy Tester, a Baptist minister will be coming to the Twin Cities too. Driving his pick-up truck from Bristol, VA, Pastor Tester plans on bringing his own case of vodka andTommy Tester his own bottle of oxycodone along the way. Out of respect for his love of singing gospel music on his radio show on WZAP, Ron Carey has asked Pastor Tester to sing the National Anthem in the opening ceremonies.

“We’ve reminded Pastor Tester” Carey said, “that he is not allowed to solicit sexual favors to the St Paul Police Department. We’ve told him that while the Bristol Police Department might decide to ignore such infidelities, we’ve checked with Chief Hamilton and Pastor Tester is strictly forbidden to propose oral sex on the male police officer corps.”Swaggart

Ron Carey added: “We will let Pastor Tester wear his skirt however. He was pretty upset by Chief Hamilton’s rule so we told him he could wear his skirt on stage while singing the National Anthem.”

Jeff Gannon4The GOP has also announced that has requested that Jeff Gannon to be present at the GOP 2008 Convention. Jeff Gannon, made famous by bloggers at Americablog and The Daily Kos, was found for staying for up to four days in the White House with no record of leaving. Mr. Gannon was famous for dressing up in a US Marine Corps uniform and escorting his client and providing “companionship”.

Ron Carey half-heartedly expected that phone call at anytime. The White House has enjoyed a close and personal relationship with Mr. Gannon ever since he started his USMC website paid for by his own business Bedrock Corp. Gannon, frequently posing nude on porn sites such as “Meetlocalmen.com” and “workingboys.net” using the moniker “Bulldog”. Gannon’s solicitous tag line on his prostitution websites was:Jeff Gannon2

Big SPORTS Fan: Will go to the game with you, then take you home and….

“AGGRESIVE, VERBAL, DOMINANT TOP”
I DON’T LEAVE MARKS….ONLY IMPRESSIONS

While the White House will argue whether Jeff Gannon is theJeff Gannon 3 “domintant top” as he claims, they are none too excited to get Gannon “top-billing” and tell the GOP how great it’s been to “serve at the pleasure of the President”.

Senator Lautenburg had sent a letter requesting Jeff Gannon’s press pass credentials two and a half years ago where his credentials were summarily revoked. Whereas the upcoming GOP 2008 Convention, Gannon will have his press-pass creditials returned and be allowed to continue his “Talon News” agency all over again.

Ron Carey explained: “It’s not a big mystery that Jeff Gannon is President Bush’s favorite whore. I mean, they wouldn’t come out and directly admit it – why should they? ButJeff Gannon Gannon had a temporary White House press pass, and remember that President Bush called on him by name. With an obscure temporary press pass in the White House Press Room, do you think the President would even know who he was if there wasn’t some kind of hanky-panky going on? Yeah..Gannon is definetely Bush’s whore. Nobody else gets to play with Gannon except for the President.”

Ron Carey was also quick to point out that they’re not really too sure how to handle all of these Republicans sexual appetites for the upcoming GOP convention. “We’re talking about an awful lot of clients with tons of tax-free money!” he said.

prostituteWe’ve begun a recruiting campaign by soliciting the use of outlets such as Craigs List, and Family Watch Dog.com.

When asked why they would use a sexual predator website to look for prostitutes, Ron Carey replied: “Because we need every hooker, prostitute and whore, male or female to be ready at a moment’s notice. This isn’t some gumshoe low-key event here, you know! We will be needing a lot of freaky and disease free prostitutes! Did I mention that all of this money is tax-free? Remember; the GOP is sensitive to the small business woman and business man. We know how hard it is to build a business and since prostitution is the oldest profession – we want to recognize them too. We’ll take any kind of sexual pervert regardless of race, sex or even sexual orientation. In fact, if your a gay whore — Please think of soliciting at the upcoming GOP 2008 Convention!”

We also spent a few minutes talking to the local whores to get their reaction about next years GOP 2008 Convention and we got a surprising reaction. Almost all of the prostitutes we spoke with have plans on inviting their friends.

One girl, who identified herself as “Gina” that we interviewedProstitute explained it this way: “Look. How many Republicans have you f*#$@ ? …How many people can make that claim?! Not a lot of people will ever be able to say that they’ve truly had a chance to F*$#@ a Republican…and get paid to do it?!!

That Ron Carey dude was talking to my good friend Shandra and begging her to stay in downtown and she said the same thing! You know that one Republican dude… Umm… What’s his name? Norm Coleman? His daddy picked me up on the east side of 7th over there by the Lafayette Bridge and and he wanted me to s*$% him off and all of a sudden – the cops was everywhere. So I say; “Bring your freekie-deekie on!”

So with their Bibles thumping and their peckers burning, the GOP will be sinking a great deal of money into the Twin Cities economy. The hotel industry is already limited in availability, but the seedier motel chains throughout the Twin Cities is expected to be extremely limited.

MeMinnesota State Highway Patrol have beefed up patrols around and behind the roadside rests. Minneapolis and St Paul police departments along with the surrounding suburbs have plans on beefing up security at all of the city parks. Shopping mall managers have been notified by city officials to check their public mens restrooms and repair any glory holes that might be seen in the toilet stalls.

*** UPDATE ***

Republican and chairman of St. Bernard Parish Council, Joey DiFatta has announced he will be arriving to Minneapolis/St Paul to attend the GOP festivities. He has put together aJoey DiFatta syllabus and will be conducting workshops called “Toe Tapping if Fun: How to meet that special One”.

Said DiFatta: “Everything is in there! My workshops include “Making Glory Holes”, “Talking Dirty In The Can”, I even have a course called “Toilet Toe Tapping: Beyond the Morse Code”. I’ll teach you about payment options for your anonymous sexual encounter, how to tell if they’re a cop or not, I can even teach you my secrets to cruising rest stops along the Interstates! If you can’t get someone to fool around with in the men’s room or porn shops after taking my course, you’re either stupid or dumb!”

 

Write your own caption

Bush Dog Thumb

 The look on the children’s face is perfect is simply fantastic….

Mitt Romney doesn’t like Arkansans

rotten fruitIt’s a shameful truth. Black Diamond Pictures and Slow Hand have released a film starring Jon Voight and Terrance Stamp called “September Dawn”. You can see the trailer by clicking here.

The film is about Bringham Young (Terrance Stamp) who encounters 120 Arkansas pioneer who’ve settled in a valley in Utah. Young, asserting himself as God on Earth, demands hisHoly Crap religious Mormon followers to kill the Arkansans in a mass genocide. In the trailer, you hear one actor shout: “Mormons! Do your duty to God!” and the muskets go a-blazing.

The film is based on historical record and a few basic facts. The Mormon church has decried the film as nothing but rubbish. If you count only the completely fictional love-interest in the film, you might be right! Jon Voight can’t act either. But if you consider that 120 people were murdered by a psychopath who believed God tells him to kill others, you might watch it with a bit of nausea.

Republican Presidential-hopeful Governor Mitt Romney has pooh-poohed the ruckus by stating, and I’m paraphrasing here:

“…so what?!  Every church has its bad people. I have bad people in my church too!”

Could it be that Mitt Romney had an ancestor named Parley Pratt that was murdered in Arkansas only months before the “Mountain Meadows” massacre leaving twelve widowed-wives?! Romney might be pleased that there’s some justice in this world after all! Or perhaps it’s because Mitt Romney has only one wife and the Church of Latter Day Saints strictly forbids monogamous marriages?

Ashamed Blog

Either way, the Governor has an aweful lot to apologize for, and I would think he should begin apologizing to theMe descendants of those 120 victims lost in the Utah wilderness.

Hollywood Flies

Old FruitfliesRupert Murdoch’s Fox television gets more gay

Brad Pitt

Gay and Lesbian people everywhere don’t know whether to love or hate Rupet Murdoch. His Fox News channel is patently homophobic, however his Fox television channels and his FX channel couldn’t be more gay friendly. For example; FX has carried “Nip/Tuck” for it’s fourth season, and nothing was more controversial than when Matt McMahon, the son, makes out with a transvestite and he’s repulsed by it. The season finishes with Matt being chased out by the transvestite and all of her friends who finally catch up to him and they pull down their mini-skirts and they piss on him. (Here’s a YouTube of the scene, but somebody decided to re-record the music track and thought it was funny. It’s very weird, so watch the video with the sound off and you get the jist.)

Now Brad Pitt has joined up with Murdoch‘s bipolar relationship with GLBT issues with a show called 4oz. Variety is talking about Pitt doing an ambitious drama about the metamorphosis of a man who realizes he’s a transsexual.

4 oz. tells the story of a married male gynecologist, who shares a medical practice with his father, with two sons whose life takes a radical gender turn.

Ryan Murphy, the creator for Nip/Tuck and Brad Falchuk, the medical writer for Nip/Tuck are involved in the project.

Fox News hates Hollywood Fred more than you do!

Republican ElephantRoger Ailes and Fox News have begun running negative stories about the Republican’s Hollywood elite: Fred Thompson.

First came Carl Cameron’s report that made a point of observing, somewhat contemptuously, that Thompson wore Gucci loafers to the Iowa state fair. Then Cameron reported that Thompson was the only candidate to get around the state fair in a golf cart, evoking the image not of a golfer as much as someone zipping around his retirement community.

Now we have Fox News reporting on Thompson’s appearance at the Veterans of Foreign Wars convention yesterday. He spoke on the same day as Barack Obama and Fox notes that the juxtaposition was not a flattering one…for Gramps.

You can watch that video here.

Princess Sparkle Pony
Most Eligible Bachelorette: Princess Sparkle Pony points out Forbes’s typo

Forbes magazine has made Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice “Most Elegible Bachellorette“. Princess Sparkle Pony has objected to this horror and has declared it an obvious typo.

She makes a valid point in saying:Eligible Condi

Clearly this is an error; how, exactly, are they defining eligible? I think this is just another one of those clerical errors, as when she was recently, hilariously, named the most influential person in the District. LOL! As if!

Anything else funny about the article? We’re also tied for 20th place as drinkiest city… with San Francisco? I’m sorry, but DC is way, way drunker. I think the most humorous thing about the piece, though, is that we’re rated #6 best city for singles overall, perhaps due to our 33% unmarried statistic. Um… hello? Forbes? PSSST! We’re all hairdressers! Or otherwise unmarriable! Also, apparently, we’re the fifth best city for young professionals, which means that all those dirt-poor staffers on The Hill who are in their 20s but still have to have roommates are luckier than they knew!

While you’re admiring Princess Sparkle Pony’s blog, be very sure to notice her “Condoleeza Rice Hair-Do Alert System” which is, thankfully, remaining steady at “Guarded”.

Note to self 1 of 2: Forbes lists Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold as “Most Eligible Bachelor”. While Rice is described as “relaxed” and available, Feingold’s description notes he’s been divorced twice already and unavailable for any kind of “presidential material”.

Not to self 2 of 2: Add Princess Sparkle Pony to the Fruit Fly blogroll.

Hollywood Religion: Naked Jesus

Do you remember when John Ashcroft, US Attorney General Ashcroft - Statues paid taxpayer money to have various nude sculptures covered up because “he didn’t like being photographed in front of them”. Apparently, conservative Christians reallly hate nudity.

So if you want to really piss off your Fundie/Neocon relative, talk about this Naked Jesus story a lot.

Michaelangelo was commissioned to sculpture a statute of Christ for a family tombstone. The sculpture was Naked Christcommissioned and Christ’s image was expected to be nude: As a sign of humility towards mankind. Well, whatever happened to it? Michaelangelo didn’t finish the work because of a flaw in the marble and so it went to the back of the art world’s showroom floor. The statue
Apparently, Michelangelo spent two years carving the sculpture from the feet up only to abandon the piece when he discovered flaws in the white marble when he began work on the face, at which point he gave the sculpture away in exchange for a horse.

While Michaelangelo’s David was sculpted with an uncircumcised penis, there’s no word on whether Jesus Christ was cut…or uncut.

Hollywood Preachers

Gulfstream G4SPBenny Hinn is asking for 6,000 of his followers to give him $1,000 so he can purchase a brand-new Gulfstream jet which he will be calling it “Dove One“.

The actor/performer promises that:

As a thank you gift, Benny will send you a “beautiful art-quality model of Dove One for your desk or mantle as a constant reminder that you are a vital part of this last-days harvest for souls,” and your name will be inscribed on Dove One — so you can fly with Benny — in spirit.

Benny Hinn is speaking in tongues here. He states “beautiful art-quality model of Dove One” is the Holy Spirit talking through him. In plain old English for you and I: Benny will send you a piece of shit plastic airplane that Gulfstream makes as a marketing tool for assholes like Benny to lust after.

Pam Spaulding, Pam’s House Blend, has tons of links aboutFruitFly this Jesus-fraud including tax evasion cases, investigations by Dateline NBC on Hinn’s questionable religious practices and investigations by religious organizations.

Time to start thinning the herd

Americans United for Change have selected MicheleThe terrifying and horrifying Michele Bachmann Bachmann (R-MN 6th) to zero in and get their voices heard. They’ve launched a district-wide campaign to pull ministers and pastors for a variety of Christian faiths where they’ll sound-off to the homophobic Congresswoman. AUC also has a video up and available that will be aired in the Twin Cities soon.

Meanwhile, Minnesota’s State Health Commissioner Dianne Mandernach has announced that she is leaving October 2.

 

In 2004, her credibility suffered when a website posting by the department suggested that abortion might have a role in breast cancer. Critics denounced those claims as junk science, and the wording was removed from the website.

LiarDo you see what kind of “professionalism” a Republican goveror will bring ya?!? Can you imagine this state health commissioner trying to push that kind of health-issue in a speech in front of the senior staff at the Mayo Clinic, or at the Virginia Piper Cancer Institute?!

But it gets worse, much worse.

The Health Department had discovered in early 2006 that the 35 miners were stricken with mesothelioma between 1997 and 2005. That was twice as many miner cancer deaths than wereBarbara Cubin reported in the previous nine years.

Nice, huh? It isn’t good enough that health care is unavailable for most Minnesotans. It’s when our government covers it up that private corporations are killing us and getting away with it!

This summer, Mandernach was criticized over her suppression of a state study about 35 cancer deaths related to taconite mining on Minnesota’s Iron Range.

HypocritThe Star Tribe is being nice here. The DFL actually lit a fire under her butt to get the media to actually take notice and talk about this horrific act of governing.

Now we have to ramp it up and get rid of Lt Governor Carol Molnau. I’m still stunned there isn’t a criminal investigation that’s been launched yet. Minneapolis Police Chief has FruitFlycordoned off the bridge site and declared it a criminal investigation area – but there hasn’t been a criminal investigation started. …at least that I am aware. And, there should be one started and it should be started immediately.