Hard bodies who are Heads of State

Vladimir PutinTowleroad is a “mature” gay man’s website. It’s the GQ magazine for professional gay men. (Although GQ has some very gay leanings.) They’ve recently run a piece called: “A River Runs Through Russia: Fishing with Pin-Up Putin” and I have to admit: “It’s given me the vapors!”.

“Vlad” goes out on a fishing trip in the pristine wilderness of Siberia and decides to “drown a few minnows”. But before he baits his hook, Vlad grabbed his shirt at the collar, ripped it off his buffed 54 year old torso and walked on into the icy cold waters laughing and enjoying the freezing temperatures. Wow! Now there’s a hot-bod!! Go on and check out Vlad! That’s a prime minister who’s got bod! “Pin up Putin” is an understatement!

And I got to thinking about Hot Bods in politics…

The French have a new “hottie”: Nicolas Sarkozy. President Sarkozy of France appeared on American television with his shirt off and in full nipple-view while playing in the waters off the coast of New Hampshire.

Even though George Bush has never been caughtPr Nicholas Sarkozy (France) with his trousers off, the American president, vacationing 50 miles away in Kennebunkport, Maine, has seen his own relationship with the media sink so far that he will certainly sympathise with his French counterpart.

SarkozyRelations between the two countries have been strained since the French opted out of the US-led Iraqi invasion and Bush was hoping for a closer relationship with newly-elected Sarkozy.

But the middle of a tranquil lake in the state with the motto ‘Live Free or Die’ is the last place he could have foreseen another French- American confrontation.

President Sarkozy is a very good looking man. Loves America and loves to play in American waters.

PM Stephen HarperThere are a lot of good looking Heads of State in this world. Athletic, good looking, people with kind faces and intelligent minds. Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada is a very good looking man with a nice smile. I tried to Google a picture of Prime Minister showing me a full nipple shot but I failed.

Check out those boys growing up over there in London who will be Head of State soon. Prince William and Prince Harry are both quite the little hotties to look at while you’re cruising the morning papers.

But look at what we have in the United States. A stumbling, uncoordinated dotting old fool who’s biggest nightmare is to hatchet up the English language with the worst grammar and words that are completely made-up. Here’s a picture of our “Head of State”:

Bush Segway Fall

Makes you proud to be an American doesn’t it? After he trips over on a freaking Segway (which is next to impossible isn’t it?), he jogs it off never to worry about the people he just plowed into. And notice he’s wearing jogging shorts in this picture, will you?! Why would a person wear jogging shorts in order to take a ride on a Segway?

Bush’s Mountain Bike AccidentAnd there was that time he wipes out on his “mountain bike”. How is that possible when you’re surrounded by Secret Service agents? Bush tells everybody that he spends all of this time on his ranch in Crawford “clearing brush”. But has anybody ever actually seen his clear brush? He has plenty of photo ops carrying a chain saw or some other such tool. But I’ve never seen brush shooting into the air with Bush’s chain-saw at full throttle. Have you?

Those beady little eyes. Those tiny teeth, yellowed andBush Dumb crooked. Hs recent visit to the doctor’s office to have some polyps removed from his tail-pipe and the Royal Republicans breath a sigh of relief that the polyps are benign…. I have to ask; is this Presidential material we’re really interested in?

When President Sarkozy and Bush had arranged to do lunch, Sarkozy’s wife called in a canceled because their children both had sore throats. What a great wife and mother that is, to put your children as more important than to meet with America’s Royal Texas Trailer-Trash Family. You need to remember something about canceled lunch though:

The invitation to the lunch was extended during the Group of Eight meeting in Germany in June, where Bush fell ill with a stomach ailment on the day of his bilateral meeting with Sarkozy. They still met, but in Bush’s private quarters.

bush doorHow nice! The last time our Royal Family met with the Sarkozy’s, Bush had an upset tummy. And all of us know, Bush loves to tell fart-jokes and he loves to play practical jokes on people with his own farts.

President Bush today declared a massive fartwa on Iran and said he wouldn’t hesitate to use military flatulence as he cracks down on the “asses of evil.” He also announced a new plan to “smoke out” Osama bin Laden with bunker-busting stinkbombs.

Now that the president’s love of farting and fart jokes has been exposed by U.S. News & World Report, the Humor Gazette has learned that he also enjoys giving noogies to foreign dignitaries and watching Dick Cheney kick liberals in the groin.

Al Gore - Rolling StoneWhy can’t we have a good looking President? One that one makes us embarrassed every time he’s in public. They made fun of Presidential hopeful for three weeks on the topic Edwards’ $400.00 hair cut. What’s wrong with that? Why is that newsworthy? Are there journalists out there who think this crap up and think it’s “news”?!

Newsday made a huge stink about Bill Clinton too. At some airport in Los Angeles, claimed he was being groomed and they had to keep planes in the air while the President was being groomed. The story turned out to be completely false in the end. But it was enough to make people think that Bill Clinton was vain and self-centered.

The runway haircut by Beverly Hills stylist Cristophe became such a metaphor for perceived White House arrogance that the president himself felt compelled to apologize for the reported flight delays.

But the reports were wrong.

According to Federal Aviation Administration records obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, the May 18 haircut caused no significant delays of regularly scheduled passenger flights – no circling planes, no traffic jams on the runways.

Commuter airlines that fly routes reportedly affected by the president’s haircut confirmed they have no record of delays that day.

But you don’t hear much about Bush giving Great Britain’s Prime Minister a wedgie did you?

To ease international tension at the recent G-8 summit, where he groped German Chancellor Angela Merkel and gave Tony Blair a wedgie, Bush pranked puzzled foreign leaders with whoopie cushions and fake poo. Bush kept himself from getting bored by repeatedly putting his right hand under his left armpit, flapping his left arm to make farty noises and then pointing at the nearest red-faced dignitary.

That’s our President?!

Why can’t we have a president who’s good looking,Me responsible, intelligent. One who doesn’t lie to the American people and finds it beneath his or her character to spy on us and listen to our phone calls?

Give me that hard-body hottie from Russia. Let me snuggle up to that hottie from Canada! I wanna play with the two boys from London! Anything! But can we please get rid of the one we’ve got?!

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