Professional Republican Wife Beaters

mexican fruit fliesEverybody loves a wife-beater. Don’t you love them? I don’t think everybody knows and appreciates the difficulty a notorious wife-beater endures while he’s beating his wife.

The electric cord, perhaps a frying pan, maybe something dangerous as a handy lamp on the sofa table! It’s difficult to chose what to beat the wife with, and so there’s some small measure of skill involved. To use a golfing term — you might say “a professional swing” that’s necessary.

Minnesota has a Professional Republican Wife Beater in our legislature, Representative Mark Olson (R-Big Lake).

Olson, a Republican from Big Lake who was convicted of misdemeanor assault in July, also must pay nearly $400 in fines and court costs, attend a 12-week behavior-oriented workshop and have no contact with his wife, Heidi Olson. District Judge Alan Pendleton stayed a 90-day jail term.

Representative Olson, a very conservative Christian man who hates homosexuality and has run many legislative campaigns for a Minnesota constitutional amendment to express the fact. He also loves to fight with his wife Heidi and beat her up behind the garage. He denies this though. He told the judge during the trial that the opposite was true: That she beat him up… with the Holy Bible!

Now let’s regroup for a minute and make sure this is in a clear perspective.

Representative Olson married Heidi who had five childrenRep Mark Olson from a previous marriage. They break out into a fight in the back yard and she manages to dial 9-1-1 saying that he violently pushed her down three times. (For those of you who insist on dirty and nasty gossip: The fight was over one of her children who happens to be autistic, a friendly game of Monopoly and the child’s failed attempt to purchase a hotel for one of his properties. But I’m not one to spread any gossip here. So you didn’t hear that from me.) Olson totally disagrees with this.  Representative Olson says:

… he’d grabbed his wife by the shoulders and “placed her on the ground.” And during part of pre-trial hearings a Sherburne County sheriff’s investigator testified that Olson called him three times after his arrest trying to persuade him it was more a case of “disorderly conduct” than domestic assault.

I’ve heard about these “domestic dispute cases”. Have you heard of them too? It’s the same every single damned time: “He gently places his hands on his wife shoulders while they’re arguing and he delicately places her on the ground while screaming and shouting at her.” I hear about those things all of the time. It’s in the “Professional Republican Wife Beating Manual For Dummies” manual, chapter six, page 123.

Something else all Professional Republican Wife Beating Manual for Dummies readers should know: “How to clarify to the judge and jury that she isn’t the real victim here.” Judges and juries always get this messed up in their pea-brained little heads: She isn’t the victim: “I’m the victim!!!” It’s extremely important that if you’re ever caught beating your wife, you need to explain that everybody has misunderstood – “I’m the real victim!”.

It’s a little known clause in the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual that says: “In order to confuse the judge and jury by showing your victim-side: Insist that she takes in the blame and that you were driven to a violent behavior because (and you have to pick one): a.) “it was self-defense, I was protecting myself” or b.) “she’s been beating me for years and I finally fought back…Thank Gawd – I finally had to fight back!” and then there’s c:) She has burned the meat-loaf too many times….She deserved it.

Now, the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual is very clear on this rule: You can only pick one of those. Chapter 9, page 602 is clear on this: “Choosing b.) and c. ) makes you look like an unprofessional Republican wife beater. For example; you can not say; “She’s been beating me up for years…Thank God I finally faught back – Besides, she burned the meat-loaf again tonight.” It only makes you look pathetic and sad.

Mark Olson mug-shotIt’s a great tactic. All Professional Republican wife beaters know this trick. It demonstrates to all of your glorious Royal Republican voters that you’ll defend them if anyone of their wives even *thinks* about arguing or even disagreeing with you. If you’re not familiar with all of the nuances of this trick; I highly recommend you pick up your copy of the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual. It’ll save you a butt-load in attorney’s fees.

Let’s get to the story.

The fight originated over a game of Monopoly. The autisticGOP child, was playing the game with the “PRWB” and child paid the wrong price for a hotel piece! The PRWB couldn’t get over it – berated the kid and chastised him for the mistake until the child started hitting himself (as many autistic children will do). The PRWB, insisting that disciplining an autistic child for an indiscretion was just as important as disciplining his wife, berated the kid until the kid began beating himself in the head.

Another sibling, alarmed by the noises coming from the other room, called the mother who wasn’t at home at the time. She tried to referee the situation remotely: She told the kid to grab the child who had the Monopoly/money issue and take him upstairs and read a book or something. Good job Mom! Get the kid away from the PRWB quick and yet keep him near a safety net with the other sibling! Three big stars for Mom thinking fast with a cell-phone!

That really pissed of the PRWB. He copped an attitude with the sibling and went insane with rage that the wife would dare intervened with his Christ-Centered masculinity. She also undermined his pleasure in verbally abusing an autistic child who’s now beating himself in the head with fistfuls of Monopoly cash.

Mom gets home (a few hours later) and the argument lasted for two…three days since. It’s a stand-off: He’s pissed that her autistic kid can’t figure out Monopoly money and she’s mega-pissed he can’t respect her as a mother to an autistic kid!

He’s the head of the home. He decides how to discipline their children. The Bible tells us this in the King James Version! He’s the head of the household, and the “wife must be submissive!”.

He states in his testimony than this heated argument he gets concerned that she might kill him! But he takes comfort in remembering God tells him in the Bible that we shouldn’t think like that. (Please help yourself to the video credits at the end of this piece for the references to this testimoney.)

Meanwhile, she’s terrified on behalf of her autistic kid on one the hand and a Professional Republican Wife Beater on the other!!

A few days later and they’re still arguing on the way home. She’s still trying to explain it to her new husband that raising an autistic child is a lot different than children who aren’t. They’re behind the garage headed toward the back-door and that’s when PRWB apparently exploded in an “absolute rage, touched his wife gingerly on the shoulders and gently helped her down to the ground.”

Mrs. Olson is also quick to point out that the PRWB is a very conservative “Christian”, and who loves the Lord Jesus Christ.

Heidi maintains Olson’s biblical interpretation of the man being the head of the home meant that Olson has total control of everything in the home, and that her role was to merely support whatever decisions he made.

Does this sound like a Professional Republican Wife Beater to you? She also said:

“My opinions regarding raising children, or how I felt something should be done, were not going to be listened to,” Heidi says. “He had an idea of how it should be done, and he really wanted it to be done that way.”

Let’s not forget that these are not his children… they’re all her children from a previous marriage. But let’s not interrupt her train of thought.

Heidi went on to say:

“He saw any input I wanted to have on disciplining my own children—my biological children—as being disrespectful to him,” Heidi says.

Olson conducted family life much like politics, Heidi contends. She says the politician, husband and father saw issues as black or white, right or wrong. But politics did not work in a blended family situation, she says in which diplomacy and compromise was needed.

Olson’s harsh disposition was particularly egregious concerning Heidi’s autistic son. When the boy would make a mistake about something, Heidi says Olson would not overlook the error even though it might be petty.

Now that does coincide with the way Mark Olson acted as a legislature!

You see, another tactic as a Professional Republican Wife Beater manual is to beat other sub-groups in society with your love for the Bible. In this case, the Representative hates “The gays”. So in this video clip, weHomer Marriage get to see a Professional Republican Wife Beater in the Minnesota Legislature preaching about the Word of God. He talks about the Holy Scripture and how much God The Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost… Hates the Gays!!

Aa a professional in wife beater; you know and understand that preaching the message of God in the hallowed halls of the Minnesota Legislature will get you re-elected! You return to your constituents in your district the fact that that you have indeed pontificated the Word of the Lord while wearing your “What Would Jesus Do” bracelet on your wrist.

You’ve prove to the masses that while you’re pontificating your love of the Holy Book to the voting caucuses in front ofthe Minnesota Legislature: You’ve also been been busy beating your wife behind the garage because you have an autistic child.

Nick Coleman of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune writes:Bob Ney’s New Home?!

Mark Olson, an eight-term conservative who has been one of the preachifying lawmakers who have spent years trying to write their religion into government, shouldn’t complain, either. You are asking for it when you walk out of jail carrying a Bible, as Olson did, claiming your beliefs make you the “head of the household.”

And I would have to agree. Matthew 7:5 says:

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Representative Olson insists that all of this horror and embarrassment is simply a mistake and a terrible misunderstanding. To their dis credit, the Minnesota GOP has virtually stripped him of the House causes shortly after his arrest last November. However, the GOP District chair supports him and is encouraging him to run for re-election!

Olson has insisted he will not resign and he has the support of the Republican chair of his legislative district. Paul Vollkommer, chair of House District 16B, says he may encourage Olson to run again.

“Mark’s an excellent representative in the Legislature and we’ll have to take it from here to see where he wants to go. I haven’t heard from him on whether he wants to run again or not run again,” he said.


Can you just hear the “giddiness” in his tone in that? He almost gushes about this Professional Republican Wife Beater! He loves the guy!!

The House, owned by the DFL, has the GOP at a horrible disadvantage. If Representative Mark Olson resigns, it’s almost a guarantee he’ll be replaced by a DFL’er, making an even bigger majority count in the House in favor of the DFL. If he doesn’t resign, he’ll be nothing but political rotting meat for the GOP to reminded about ever day they’re in session. And considering that Olson has already been stripped of everything except his Holy Bible and his Sunday School Attendance pins, the district he represents is left with a huge eye-sore of a political problem.

House Minority Leader (GOP) Minority Seifert may speak to DFL House Speaker Margaret Anderson Kelliher about aFruitFly bipartisan complaint against (Professional Republican Wife Beater) Olson. There needs to be a two-thirds majority to kick him out. Anybody want to take bets that they have the needed votes?!

I’ve tried to contact the Rudy Giuliani election about this PRWB case. The Minnesota “Team Rudy” Campaign officially kicks off tomorrow and I still haven’t heard what Olson will be doing at this kickoff celebration.


You can read Mrs. Olson’s story here.

You can hear her side of the story via YouTube here.

You can watch the NBC affiliate KARE-11 explain the entire story here.

You can watch the NBC affiliate KARE-11 give the story about Mark Olson’s defense by being the “battered husband” here. While watching, listen close to the reporter quote Olson and how he uses King James “Bible” language in his testimony. Junk like; “I said… ‘Why do you provoke me so?”(Please read my WCCO link about KARE-11’s “battered husband” testimony below.)

You can get a sample of Rep Mark Olson’s behavior problems here and here while on the legislative floor. You can think about those children left alone with him playing Monopoly while you’re watching.

You can watch the CBS affiliate WCCO ponder the profound and earth shattering newsworthy discussion on “battered husbands” here. The Professional Republican Wife Beaters are very effective in propagandizing their “professionalism”, aren’t they?!

Notice that WCCO doesn’t discuss the issue of domestic violence, do they? No they don’t. Nor do they discuss whether domestic violence is up in America, or the number of children who are caught in the crossfire of domestic violence. Instead, WCCO rushes to the aid and sympathy of this Professional Republican Wife Beater and discusses the obscure battered husband problem in America. Because that’s a “Good Question”!!