Found near a coffee cup

MOrning CoffeeLost and Found

In 1994, The Clinton Administration was subpoenaed by Congress for billing records from Hillary’s Rose Law Firm. The Clinton’s didn’t respond because they said they couldn’t find the records anywhere. Then in 1996, the records were found in a room next to the Oval Office. The newly controlled Republican Congress rolled their eyes in dramatic fashion and even Rush Limbaugh said: “oh puuuh-leeeeze”.

Fair enough! Record keeping that bad deserves a good kick in the teeth. This is the office of the President of the United States, not some half-wit hacks running the country.

But little attention is noted to the White House who, when subpoenaed by the newly controlled Democratic Congress demanding documents related to alleged illegal wiretapping. The White House told Congress that they couldn’t find the documents until yesterday

But where they stuffed underneath a few boxes? Behind the bureau? Nope! They were in Vice President Cheney’s office the entire time!! That’s the good news!

The bad news? Cheney’s office isn’t handing the documents over to Congress. Cheney has decided that claiming Executive Priveledge is a right bestowed up on the Office of the Vice President. (Even though he’s really not in the Executive Branch two months ago to the day.)

All together now: “OH PUHH-LEEEZE!!”

Liberal blogger kicks Fred Thompson in thegroin kick ‘Nads

The guy who leaked the story about Mark Foley (R-FL) has once again shown to the world that he has a spine. Congressional Democrats are stunned to learn that kicking a Royal Republican is not only possible, but quite fun!

Lane Hudson has filed an FCC Complaint against Fred “Lazy-Ass” Thompson for, well… being a lazy ass!

“[Thompson] has been presenting himself as a candidate for President, he has been raising large sums of money beyond what would be required to explore a possible candidacy.”

Hudson’s blog entry continues:

and he has signed a long term lease on a headquarters for his campaign. He has even spent advertising dollars, which are specifically prohibited by the law.

Thompson spokesperson has confirmed: Fred Thompson’s balls have been kicked pretty hard, but they’re still pretty red.

Metal BatDon’t take your metal bat love to town

President Bush’s original White House Press Secretary, Ari Fleischer is running a new political spin game. He’s campaigning to lift a city-wide ban on metal baseball bats in high school games. Fleischer’s “Don’t Take My Bat Away” campaign states that he thinks metal baseball bats are perfectly safe and keeping them out of the game is completely unfair. He thinks the city managers aren’t qualified to make such a decision and thinks it would be better to let “his experts decide” such matters.

Oh! I forgot the best part! The name of the town is “Pound Ridge”, New York.

bar-up-up-tshhhhhhhh

Bugle BoyToot my own horn

August 1st, I was the first to break the story about Minneapolis’ I-35W bridge collapse and to point out Republican Tim Pawlenty was running this state “on the cheap“. Four hours after the bridge collapsed, I blogged the fact that the Democrats knew there was a problem with our roads and bridges and Tim Pawlenty vetoed the DFL bills to begin a plan to fix these transportation problems. I was pummeled by right-wing nut jobs demanding that I shut up, and that I was a complete A-Hole because of politicizing such a tragedy.

From The Nation magazine to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, I was the first one to speak up about this horror and accuse the Republican Governor of negligence and his arrogance for his DFL legislature. And I was told to shut up.Granny Smith

Yesterday, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune has published a story that stating that MinnDOT knew about the bridge’s weaknesses and they were told to ignore it.

Internal MnDOT documents reviewed by the Star Tribune reveal that last year bridge officials talked openly about the possibility of the bridge collapsing — and worried that it might have to be condemned.

But five weeks later, all those preparations stopped. In a single conference call on Jan. 17, the same consultants who said reinforcement plates were needed to strengthen the bridge cautioned MnDOT that drilling for the retrofit could weaken it.

“That was the turning point. That’s where we turned the ship 180 degrees,” said state bridge engineer Dan Dorgan.

Republican arrogance caused this bridge to fall. And it was Republican apathy towards our infrastructure that caused the senseless and horrible death of twelve 13 Minnesotans.

Today, Bush is in town for a fund raiser for Republican Senator Norm Coleman’s utterly failed re-election campaign. Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty asked the Republican President to up the ante of money the Feds could give Minnesota by making it a an official disaster site. Fourteen minutes ago from the time of writing: Bush declares federal emergency at Minn. bridge collapse.

The city and state became eligible for more federal assistance for the recovery from the interstate bridge collapse on Tuesday when President Bush declared an emergency exists in the state, the White House said.

This Governor’s administration team knew this bridge would collapse. Governor Pawlenty, his Lt Governor Carol Molnau, or quite possibly both of them knew it was only a matter of time. Bush’s appearance for a fund raiser, giving more money to Pawlenty for the collapse, and the overwhelming support from this Republican White House stinks to high Heaven.

The Star-Tribune’s craziest lunatic for a “journalist” is conservative Katherine Kersten (a.k.a. “Rita Skeeter”). Her Sunday’s column is entitled: Bridge collapse ought to unite us, not divide us.

They’ve been dividing us since the days of Reagan who demonized our government. They’ve insisted our government doesn’t work and isn’t worth saving. They’ve vetoed our plans, and then complained Democrats have no plan!

FruitFlyHow can we be united when they hate our country? Where’s the unison when anybody that disagrees with these Republicans are immediately shouted down?

They won’t let us use stem-cells to look for cures for our children. They have a higher regard forBlue Light mega health insurance companies than they do for our children. If our kids do survive and grow up to healthy young men and women; they’re lured and bribed to go fight for their global oil wars. How can they govern while our families are dead at the bottom of a river underneath hudreds of tons of crumpled steel?!? These Republicans govern like they have a coupon to a Blue Light special special, and you’re “the Special”.

Fruit Fly News: The Imprecatory Prayer Meeting

FFNGood evening and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name is Frizzie McBee.

In tonight’s news, we’ll take a closer look at the recent announcement of First Twin, Jenna Bush’s recent engagement! Is Ms. Bush pregnant? And will she be giving birth by Immaculate Conception?!

But first we feel compelled to thank each on of you loyal FruitGlenn Beck Fly News listeners for your time and your interest. We are just six people shy of having a larger listening audience than Glenn Beck on CNN!! With Paula Zahn’s show being eliminated, rumors have it that Fruit Fly News is being considered a possible candidate for replacement. And we couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you.

Girls gone wild?! …Or girls hot for Kucinich! That’s what Hyla Matthews thinks in her video debut. You’ve all seen the hot and sexy girl who’s got a crush on Presidential-hopeful Barak Obama. Then there was “Hott4Hill“, a viral video of Taryn Southern who has a lesbian crush on Hillary Clinton. Never short of ideas; “Debate 08: Obama Girl vs Giuliani Girl“came out. It’s a girl-on-girl action video where Obama’s girl notes Giuliana one time married his cousin and Giuliani girl would make wife #4. Hyla Matthews has now upped the ante with her view new video “I wanna have sex with Kucinich“.

The quality of the video is terrible. The budget to make the film was the equivalent to price of a Baby Ruth bar, but it topples the other videos in creativity and humor. Hyla cuts out the Kucinich’s face (alegedly from the television screen while watching a political ad) and she straps his face to the head of a ventriloquist’s dummy. Stop-short video shows things like hot-dogs being inserted into donuts and gas-pump nozzles being shoved into gas tanks and the rest is filled with Hyla dancing with the dummy. The video finishes with the mannequin having sex with her, complete with noises such as the zipper of his trousers and her asking it: “Have you put it in yet?” The doll climbs off of her, apparently insulted by the penis-size reference, and you can’t help notice he’s wearing Superman underwear.

Ultimate Fighting CharacterWhile we’re talking about erotica, the Pentagon has turned the United States Military into a giant sized “Jesus Machine” complete with “Tough-Man Meetings”. Under the heading “Entertainment”, the USO has been sponsoring D-List actors such as Stephen Baldwin and a massive production called “Operation Straight Up Tour”.

While gays and lesbians are considered a distraction to our troops if allowed to serve in the armed forces: “Straight up” penises are never distracted when they attend the tour that calls for a “crusade in Iraq”. The Bush Administration condemns Muslim jihaadists. But an American jihaad comes with a video game called ” Left Behind, Eternal Forces” (a video game where the players are in a time after the rapture) and t-shirts with homoerotic artwork painted on the front.

“We feel the forces of heaven have encouraged us to perform multiple crusades that will sweep through this war torn region,” OSU declares on its website about its planned trip to Iraq. “We’ll hold the only religious crusade of its size in the dangerous land of Iraq.”

D-List actor Stephen Baldwin is heavily involved with thisBarney Rubble American jihaad in Iraq. As a cultural counselor to President Bush, missionary to American young people and a rising star within the leadership of the American (Evangelical) jihaad, Baldwin writes in his book:

“God has called me to go and make disciples of the youth of America. That is what I am going to try to do, and if you try to stop me I am going to break your face.”

Reports everywhere have noted Baldwin no longer wears his “What Would Jesus Do?” bracelet.

The American jihaad hasn’t stopped at violence and homoerotic art. They’ve also crossed the threshold of “Ultimate Christian Taboo” by calling for an “Imprecatory Prayer” against a group called “Americans United For Separation of Church and State“.

Imprecatory Prayer is a difficult thing to understand. But, perhaps it’s best defined this way:

Imprecatory prayer is a last resort appeal to GodFox Prayer for justice. The so called ‘curses’ are simply the just penalty called for in the scriptures for the alleged crime. Imprecatory prayer is an appeal to the court of divine justice (1) for protection and (2) the appropriate punishment for the criminals.

Imprecatory Prayer, for Christians is highly taboo because the prayer itself has an extremely caustic boomerang effect:

Your personal adversary is not always God’s enemy: If a neighbor backs over your mail box time after time, you may be angry and extremely frustrated. But you are dealing with a neighbor, not an enemy of God.

Meet Rev. Wiley Drake. Former Vice President of the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC); current pastor of First Southern Baptist Church of Buena Park, California. He’s also the current darkhorse candidate for president of the SBC. Reverend Drake has called for an Imprecatory Prayer to those who support Americans United, and especially communications staffers Joe Conn and Jeremy Leaming; and executive director Barry Lynn.

Jesus Truck“Reverend Drake” has become so hateful, that he is willing to call upon God the Father to put a curse on another American. And with patriotism like that, who needs another monster truck in their back-yard?

But what was the reason for such a horrible and “religiously dangerous” thing?

Revenge!

AU and the communications staffers had filed a complaint with the IRS that Reverend Wiley Drake had been endorsing Republican Presidential-hopefule Mike Huckabee and using his church stationary to do it. Rather than follow the law and separate his church from state activities, Reverend Drake has called for Imprecatory Prayer because these people won’t let him campaign for Mike Huckabee using his powerful church as a lobbying group.

Jesus’ General has written a piece on this in an open letter to Reverend Wiley Drake. In it, he makes an interesting observation:

I also understand that you are an Ambassador for the Presidential Prayer Team, and as such, I assume you are employing the power of prayer to assist Huckabee. But have you considered how much more his campaign could be helped by imprecatory prayer.

Imagine how voters would react to a hairless, toothless, boil infested Mitt Romney. And why stop there, why not ask God to make Mitt farthaggard the horrible loudly and scratch himself during interviews.

Since Reverend Drake is indeed a leader of the Presidential Prayer Team, it’s safe to assume that he’s also buying gay-porn, smoking crack and regularly having sex with a 49 year old male prostitute.

Finally tonight; Presidential prostitution! Presidential First Twin, Jenna Bush is finally getting married! While she’s Babara Bush Drunkslutted her way from bars in Austin, Texas all the way to Johannesburg, South Africa, she’s finally putting her plastic beer cup down and sleeping with only one dick from now on.

Rumors abound that she’s pregnant already. But this impossible knowing that Jenna Bush has been in rehab along with her sister Barbara and her three cousins, Jebby, George “P” and Nichole.

Aunt Sassy has been blogging the Bush grandchildren where she writes from her condo:

I was sitting at my desk, wearing my red cotton bikini briefs, reading an article on AmericaBlog about Jenna dry-humping her boyfriend in a drunken state at Zucchabar last weekend when I decided that it was time to take action! The Bush grandchildren are O.O.C. (out of control)!

In my rage, I went about securing permits, hiring social workers, and procuring plenty of Lithium as I prepared to open the first “Bush-Child Halfway House.”

The blog reads like a train-wreck on benzadrine, but who could blame her? Rehabbing Bush grand-children would qualify for saint hood! Aunt Sassy’s blog entry on Monday, the first week:

…While storming through the parlor, I witnessed Jenna clinking the ice in her glass at him and slurring out “Georgie, be a dear and refresh my Jack and G … and not so much icey-ice this time.” Much to hertexas children chagrin, he was busy doing runway briefings with Lauren. “No, you fat-assed loser! I said pivot on 7, NOT 8. Now let’s start from the top … 5, 6, 7, 8!”

Reliable sources such as Wonkette have all but confirmed Jenna is indeed pregnant and this child is at high risk of alcohol fetal syndrome.

But the question remains: “Who is this republican baby’s father?!” Some have speculated that it was Elvis Presley who impregnated the Bush Princess. Others have speculated that it was really Prince Frederick von Anhalt, the German husband to Zsa Zsa Gabor who also claimed to be the father of Anna Nichole Smith’s baby. Or perhaps we’re going through a whole new chapter in our civilization and Jenna is giving birth to ourFFN Lord and Savior!”

I thank you for tuning into The Fruit Fly News. Please join us again next week when we’ll discuss the absence of Republicans at the Log Cabin Presidential Debates. My name is Frizzie McBee. Good night.

Me

Professional Republican Wife Beaters

mexican fruit fliesEverybody loves a wife-beater. Don’t you love them? I don’t think everybody knows and appreciates the difficulty a notorious wife-beater endures while he’s beating his wife.

The electric cord, perhaps a frying pan, maybe something dangerous as a handy lamp on the sofa table! It’s difficult to chose what to beat the wife with, and so there’s some small measure of skill involved. To use a golfing term — you might say “a professional swing” that’s necessary.

Minnesota has a Professional Republican Wife Beater in our legislature, Representative Mark Olson (R-Big Lake).

Olson, a Republican from Big Lake who was convicted of misdemeanor assault in July, also must pay nearly $400 in fines and court costs, attend a 12-week behavior-oriented workshop and have no contact with his wife, Heidi Olson. District Judge Alan Pendleton stayed a 90-day jail term.

Representative Olson, a very conservative Christian man who hates homosexuality and has run many legislative campaigns for a Minnesota constitutional amendment to express the fact. He also loves to fight with his wife Heidi and beat her up behind the garage. He denies this though. He told the judge during the trial that the opposite was true: That she beat him up… with the Holy Bible!

Now let’s regroup for a minute and make sure this is in a clear perspective.

Representative Olson married Heidi who had five childrenRep Mark Olson from a previous marriage. They break out into a fight in the back yard and she manages to dial 9-1-1 saying that he violently pushed her down three times. (For those of you who insist on dirty and nasty gossip: The fight was over one of her children who happens to be autistic, a friendly game of Monopoly and the child’s failed attempt to purchase a hotel for one of his properties. But I’m not one to spread any gossip here. So you didn’t hear that from me.) Olson totally disagrees with this.  Representative Olson says:

… he’d grabbed his wife by the shoulders and “placed her on the ground.” And during part of pre-trial hearings a Sherburne County sheriff’s investigator testified that Olson called him three times after his arrest trying to persuade him it was more a case of “disorderly conduct” than domestic assault.

I’ve heard about these “domestic dispute cases”. Have you heard of them too? It’s the same every single damned time: “He gently places his hands on his wife shoulders while they’re arguing and he delicately places her on the ground while screaming and shouting at her.” I hear about those things all of the time. It’s in the “Professional Republican Wife Beating Manual For Dummies” manual, chapter six, page 123.

Something else all Professional Republican Wife Beating Manual for Dummies readers should know: “How to clarify to the judge and jury that she isn’t the real victim here.” Judges and juries always get this messed up in their pea-brained little heads: She isn’t the victim: “I’m the victim!!!” It’s extremely important that if you’re ever caught beating your wife, you need to explain that everybody has misunderstood – “I’m the real victim!”.

It’s a little known clause in the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual that says: “In order to confuse the judge and jury by showing your victim-side: Insist that she takes in the blame and that you were driven to a violent behavior because (and you have to pick one): a.) “it was self-defense, I was protecting myself” or b.) “she’s been beating me for years and I finally fought back…Thank Gawd – I finally had to fight back!” and then there’s c:) She has burned the meat-loaf too many times….She deserved it.

Now, the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual is very clear on this rule: You can only pick one of those. Chapter 9, page 602 is clear on this: “Choosing b.) and c. ) makes you look like an unprofessional Republican wife beater. For example; you can not say; “She’s been beating me up for years…Thank God I finally faught back – Besides, she burned the meat-loaf again tonight.” It only makes you look pathetic and sad.

Mark Olson mug-shotIt’s a great tactic. All Professional Republican wife beaters know this trick. It demonstrates to all of your glorious Royal Republican voters that you’ll defend them if anyone of their wives even *thinks* about arguing or even disagreeing with you. If you’re not familiar with all of the nuances of this trick; I highly recommend you pick up your copy of the Professional Republican Wife Beating for Dummies manual. It’ll save you a butt-load in attorney’s fees.

Let’s get to the story.

The fight originated over a game of Monopoly. The autisticGOP child, was playing the game with the “PRWB” and child paid the wrong price for a hotel piece! The PRWB couldn’t get over it – berated the kid and chastised him for the mistake until the child started hitting himself (as many autistic children will do). The PRWB, insisting that disciplining an autistic child for an indiscretion was just as important as disciplining his wife, berated the kid until the kid began beating himself in the head.

Another sibling, alarmed by the noises coming from the other room, called the mother who wasn’t at home at the time. She tried to referee the situation remotely: She told the kid to grab the child who had the Monopoly/money issue and take him upstairs and read a book or something. Good job Mom! Get the kid away from the PRWB quick and yet keep him near a safety net with the other sibling! Three big stars for Mom thinking fast with a cell-phone!

That really pissed of the PRWB. He copped an attitude with the sibling and went insane with rage that the wife would dare intervened with his Christ-Centered masculinity. She also undermined his pleasure in verbally abusing an autistic child who’s now beating himself in the head with fistfuls of Monopoly cash.

Mom gets home (a few hours later) and the argument lasted for two…three days since. It’s a stand-off: He’s pissed that her autistic kid can’t figure out Monopoly money and she’s mega-pissed he can’t respect her as a mother to an autistic kid!

He’s the head of the home. He decides how to discipline their children. The Bible tells us this in the King James Version! He’s the head of the household, and the “wife must be submissive!”.

He states in his testimony than this heated argument he gets concerned that she might kill him! But he takes comfort in remembering God tells him in the Bible that we shouldn’t think like that. (Please help yourself to the video credits at the end of this piece for the references to this testimoney.)

Meanwhile, she’s terrified on behalf of her autistic kid on one the hand and a Professional Republican Wife Beater on the other!!

A few days later and they’re still arguing on the way home. She’s still trying to explain it to her new husband that raising an autistic child is a lot different than children who aren’t. They’re behind the garage headed toward the back-door and that’s when PRWB apparently exploded in an “absolute rage, touched his wife gingerly on the shoulders and gently helped her down to the ground.”

Mrs. Olson is also quick to point out that the PRWB is a very conservative “Christian”, and who loves the Lord Jesus Christ.

Heidi maintains Olson’s biblical interpretation of the man being the head of the home meant that Olson has total control of everything in the home, and that her role was to merely support whatever decisions he made.

Does this sound like a Professional Republican Wife Beater to you? She also said:

“My opinions regarding raising children, or how I felt something should be done, were not going to be listened to,” Heidi says. “He had an idea of how it should be done, and he really wanted it to be done that way.”

Let’s not forget that these are not his children… they’re all her children from a previous marriage. But let’s not interrupt her train of thought.

Heidi went on to say:

“He saw any input I wanted to have on disciplining my own children—my biological children—as being disrespectful to him,” Heidi says.

Olson conducted family life much like politics, Heidi contends. She says the politician, husband and father saw issues as black or white, right or wrong. But politics did not work in a blended family situation, she says in which diplomacy and compromise was needed.

Olson’s harsh disposition was particularly egregious concerning Heidi’s autistic son. When the boy would make a mistake about something, Heidi says Olson would not overlook the error even though it might be petty.

Now that does coincide with the way Mark Olson acted as a legislature!

You see, another tactic as a Professional Republican Wife Beater manual is to beat other sub-groups in society with your love for the Bible. In this case, the Representative hates “The gays”. So in this video clip, weHomer Marriage get to see a Professional Republican Wife Beater in the Minnesota Legislature preaching about the Word of God. He talks about the Holy Scripture and how much God The Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost… Hates the Gays!!

Aa a professional in wife beater; you know and understand that preaching the message of God in the hallowed halls of the Minnesota Legislature will get you re-elected! You return to your constituents in your district the fact that that you have indeed pontificated the Word of the Lord while wearing your “What Would Jesus Do” bracelet on your wrist.

You’ve prove to the masses that while you’re pontificating your love of the Holy Book to the voting caucuses in front ofthe Minnesota Legislature: You’ve also been been busy beating your wife behind the garage because you have an autistic child.

Nick Coleman of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune writes:Bob Ney’s New Home?!

Mark Olson, an eight-term conservative who has been one of the preachifying lawmakers who have spent years trying to write their religion into government, shouldn’t complain, either. You are asking for it when you walk out of jail carrying a Bible, as Olson did, claiming your beliefs make you the “head of the household.”

And I would have to agree. Matthew 7:5 says:

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Representative Olson insists that all of this horror and embarrassment is simply a mistake and a terrible misunderstanding. To their dis credit, the Minnesota GOP has virtually stripped him of the House causes shortly after his arrest last November. However, the GOP District chair supports him and is encouraging him to run for re-election!

Olson has insisted he will not resign and he has the support of the Republican chair of his legislative district. Paul Vollkommer, chair of House District 16B, says he may encourage Olson to run again.

“Mark’s an excellent representative in the Legislature and we’ll have to take it from here to see where he wants to go. I haven’t heard from him on whether he wants to run again or not run again,” he said.

Voted

Can you just hear the “giddiness” in his tone in that? He almost gushes about this Professional Republican Wife Beater! He loves the guy!!

The House, owned by the DFL, has the GOP at a horrible disadvantage. If Representative Mark Olson resigns, it’s almost a guarantee he’ll be replaced by a DFL’er, making an even bigger majority count in the House in favor of the DFL. If he doesn’t resign, he’ll be nothing but political rotting meat for the GOP to reminded about ever day they’re in session. And considering that Olson has already been stripped of everything except his Holy Bible and his Sunday School Attendance pins, the district he represents is left with a huge eye-sore of a political problem.

House Minority Leader (GOP) Minority Seifert may speak to DFL House Speaker Margaret Anderson Kelliher about aFruitFly bipartisan complaint against (Professional Republican Wife Beater) Olson. There needs to be a two-thirds majority to kick him out. Anybody want to take bets that they have the needed votes?!

I’ve tried to contact the Rudy Giuliani election about this PRWB case. The Minnesota “Team Rudy” Campaign officially kicks off tomorrow and I still haven’t heard what Olson will be doing at this kickoff celebration.

…….

You can read Mrs. Olson’s story here.

You can hear her side of the story via YouTube here.

You can watch the NBC affiliate KARE-11 explain the entire story here.

You can watch the NBC affiliate KARE-11 give the story about Mark Olson’s defense by being the “battered husband” here. While watching, listen close to the reporter quote Olson and how he uses King James “Bible” language in his testimony. Junk like; “I said… ‘Why do you provoke me so?”(Please read my WCCO link about KARE-11’s “battered husband” testimony below.)

You can get a sample of Rep Mark Olson’s behavior problems here and here while on the legislative floor. You can think about those children left alone with him playing Monopoly while you’re watching.

You can watch the CBS affiliate WCCO ponder the profound and earth shattering newsworthy discussion on “battered husbands” here. The Professional Republican Wife Beaters are very effective in propagandizing their “professionalism”, aren’t they?!

Notice that WCCO doesn’t discuss the issue of domestic violence, do they? No they don’t. Nor do they discuss whether domestic violence is up in America, or the number of children who are caught in the crossfire of domestic violence. Instead, WCCO rushes to the aid and sympathy of this Professional Republican Wife Beater and discusses the obscure battered husband problem in America. Because that’s a “Good Question”!!

Hard bodies who are Heads of State

Vladimir PutinTowleroad is a “mature” gay man’s website. It’s the GQ magazine for professional gay men. (Although GQ has some very gay leanings.) They’ve recently run a piece called: “A River Runs Through Russia: Fishing with Pin-Up Putin” and I have to admit: “It’s given me the vapors!”.

“Vlad” goes out on a fishing trip in the pristine wilderness of Siberia and decides to “drown a few minnows”. But before he baits his hook, Vlad grabbed his shirt at the collar, ripped it off his buffed 54 year old torso and walked on into the icy cold waters laughing and enjoying the freezing temperatures. Wow! Now there’s a hot-bod!! Go on and check out Vlad! That’s a prime minister who’s got bod! “Pin up Putin” is an understatement!

And I got to thinking about Hot Bods in politics…

The French have a new “hottie”: Nicolas Sarkozy. President Sarkozy of France appeared on American television with his shirt off and in full nipple-view while playing in the waters off the coast of New Hampshire.

Even though George Bush has never been caughtPr Nicholas Sarkozy (France) with his trousers off, the American president, vacationing 50 miles away in Kennebunkport, Maine, has seen his own relationship with the media sink so far that he will certainly sympathise with his French counterpart.

SarkozyRelations between the two countries have been strained since the French opted out of the US-led Iraqi invasion and Bush was hoping for a closer relationship with newly-elected Sarkozy.

But the middle of a tranquil lake in the state with the motto ‘Live Free or Die’ is the last place he could have foreseen another French- American confrontation.

President Sarkozy is a very good looking man. Loves America and loves to play in American waters.

PM Stephen HarperThere are a lot of good looking Heads of State in this world. Athletic, good looking, people with kind faces and intelligent minds. Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada is a very good looking man with a nice smile. I tried to Google a picture of Prime Minister showing me a full nipple shot but I failed.

Check out those boys growing up over there in London who will be Head of State soon. Prince William and Prince Harry are both quite the little hotties to look at while you’re cruising the morning papers.

But look at what we have in the United States. A stumbling, uncoordinated dotting old fool who’s biggest nightmare is to hatchet up the English language with the worst grammar and words that are completely made-up. Here’s a picture of our “Head of State”:

Bush Segway Fall

Makes you proud to be an American doesn’t it? After he trips over on a freaking Segway (which is next to impossible isn’t it?), he jogs it off never to worry about the people he just plowed into. And notice he’s wearing jogging shorts in this picture, will you?! Why would a person wear jogging shorts in order to take a ride on a Segway?

Bush’s Mountain Bike AccidentAnd there was that time he wipes out on his “mountain bike”. How is that possible when you’re surrounded by Secret Service agents? Bush tells everybody that he spends all of this time on his ranch in Crawford “clearing brush”. But has anybody ever actually seen his clear brush? He has plenty of photo ops carrying a chain saw or some other such tool. But I’ve never seen brush shooting into the air with Bush’s chain-saw at full throttle. Have you?

Those beady little eyes. Those tiny teeth, yellowed andBush Dumb crooked. Hs recent visit to the doctor’s office to have some polyps removed from his tail-pipe and the Royal Republicans breath a sigh of relief that the polyps are benign…. I have to ask; is this Presidential material we’re really interested in?

When President Sarkozy and Bush had arranged to do lunch, Sarkozy’s wife called in a canceled because their children both had sore throats. What a great wife and mother that is, to put your children as more important than to meet with America’s Royal Texas Trailer-Trash Family. You need to remember something about canceled lunch though:

The invitation to the lunch was extended during the Group of Eight meeting in Germany in June, where Bush fell ill with a stomach ailment on the day of his bilateral meeting with Sarkozy. They still met, but in Bush’s private quarters.

bush doorHow nice! The last time our Royal Family met with the Sarkozy’s, Bush had an upset tummy. And all of us know, Bush loves to tell fart-jokes and he loves to play practical jokes on people with his own farts.

President Bush today declared a massive fartwa on Iran and said he wouldn’t hesitate to use military flatulence as he cracks down on the “asses of evil.” He also announced a new plan to “smoke out” Osama bin Laden with bunker-busting stinkbombs.

Now that the president’s love of farting and fart jokes has been exposed by U.S. News & World Report, the Humor Gazette has learned that he also enjoys giving noogies to foreign dignitaries and watching Dick Cheney kick liberals in the groin.

Al Gore - Rolling StoneWhy can’t we have a good looking President? One that one makes us embarrassed every time he’s in public. They made fun of Presidential hopeful for three weeks on the topic Edwards’ $400.00 hair cut. What’s wrong with that? Why is that newsworthy? Are there journalists out there who think this crap up and think it’s “news”?!

Newsday made a huge stink about Bill Clinton too. At some airport in Los Angeles, claimed he was being groomed and they had to keep planes in the air while the President was being groomed. The story turned out to be completely false in the end. But it was enough to make people think that Bill Clinton was vain and self-centered.

The runway haircut by Beverly Hills stylist Cristophe became such a metaphor for perceived White House arrogance that the president himself felt compelled to apologize for the reported flight delays.

But the reports were wrong.

According to Federal Aviation Administration records obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, the May 18 haircut caused no significant delays of regularly scheduled passenger flights – no circling planes, no traffic jams on the runways.

Commuter airlines that fly routes reportedly affected by the president’s haircut confirmed they have no record of delays that day.

But you don’t hear much about Bush giving Great Britain’s Prime Minister a wedgie did you?

To ease international tension at the recent G-8 summit, where he groped German Chancellor Angela Merkel and gave Tony Blair a wedgie, Bush pranked puzzled foreign leaders with whoopie cushions and fake poo. Bush kept himself from getting bored by repeatedly putting his right hand under his left armpit, flapping his left arm to make farty noises and then pointing at the nearest red-faced dignitary.

That’s our President?!

Why can’t we have a president who’s good looking,Me responsible, intelligent. One who doesn’t lie to the American people and finds it beneath his or her character to spy on us and listen to our phone calls?

Give me that hard-body hottie from Russia. Let me snuggle up to that hottie from Canada! I wanna play with the two boys from London! Anything! But can we please get rid of the one we’ve got?!

Rudy Giuliani bails on the Log Cabin Republicans

Ouch!

“A campaign aide told the Globe this weekend that Giuliani favors a much more modest set of rights for gayRudy partners than civil union laws in effect in four states offer. Giuliani has described himself as a backer of civil unions and is frequently described that way in news reports. But he began distancing himself from civil unions in late April, when his campaign told The New York Sun that New Hampshire’s new law goes too far because it is ‘the equivalent of marriage,’ which he has always opposed for gays. Giuliani’s aides offered little explanation of what specific rights he would support for same-sex couples.”

The Globe notes that in 2004 Giuliani told Bill O’Reilly: “I’m in favor of . . . civil unions. So now you have a civil partnership, domestic partnership, civil union, whatever you want to call it, and that takes care of the imbalance, the discrimination, which we shouldn’t have.”

But now, according to Maria Comella, Giuliani’s deputy communications director, the candidate’s stance has changed: “It’s about rights and benefits more than the title. The mayor supports the benefits and rights as they are written in the domestic partnership law in New York City.”

It looks like Rudy has figured out how to be a proper spank-Monkey for the Southern Baptist Convention after all! Planet Out in 2007 reported:

Old FruitfliesSouthern Baptist Convention official Richard Land said gay issues represent just one area of the problems religious conservatives have with Giuliani. “There are so many dealbreakers for Giuliani, it’s difficult to know where to start,” he said.

Throughout his eight years in City Hall, Giuliani supported laws that protected gays against harassment, marched in gay pride parades, welcomed the Olympic-style Gay Games to New York City and, after his second marriage broke up, lived with two friends who happened to be a gay couple.

He does not support same-sex marriage, but he does not see the need to ban it with a constitutional amendment. And in a 1994 cover story with The Advocate, a national gay magazine, he condemned Pat Buchanan’s speech at the Republican National Convention two years earlier during which the failed presidential candidate declared a “cultural war” against homosexuality, radical feminists, abortion rights supporters, and other “liberals.”

A horror of a compaign is noting that his own children support Barak Obama, (a Democrat!!) while he panhandles Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia voters for their hatred towards gays andvomit lesbians. Last Thursday, Giuliani said in a speech:

I was at Ground Zero as often, if not more, than most of the workers….I was there working with them. I was exposed to exactly the same things they were exposed to. So in that sense, I’m one of them.

It was the AFL/CIO that had to put him back in his place by saying:

It’s shocking to see Giuliani—who was mayor for only a few months after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks—claiming his experience is equal to that of the hard-working rescue workers and cleanup crews, who for a year spent long days trying to recover the bodies of the victims under dangerous conditions.

NYFD captain James Riches, who lost a son in the 9/11 attacks serving as a firefighter himself called Giuliani a liar and said he was “living in a dreamland”.Me

What’s Guiliani going to say to all of those gay and lesbian Republicans out there?! Nothing?! The Log Cabin Republicans are weirdly silent about the issue. But, Log Cabin Republicans are weird… They’re like those Jews for Jesus folks.

Giuliani’s campaign has become nothing more than a political spelling-bee: “C-H-A-R-L-A-T-A-N“.

 

Rove has “left’ the building (in two weeks)

Good Bye Turdblossom

Lord Voldemort Karl Rove announced his departure from the Ministry of Magic. Now all of the little Muggle children have been released from their prisons in Azkhaban. And Hogwarts will soon be ringing with the sounds off Ravenclaw, Griffendor, Hufflepuff and even Slytherin students running through its halls once again.

So far, there have been no Death Eaters running for Minister of Magic have said anything about the departing He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Update:

This just in: Death Eater, Dennis Hastert has announced resignation from the Ministry of Magic’s Department of Bratwurst, Knockwurst and Pastries. He will not seek re-assignment to the position that he’s held far too long. Many will applaud the decision but most are hesitant to surmise which Death Eater will take his place within the Ministry.

Logo was a Go-Go

Markos Moulitsas found a link and is paying attention to the gay-vote.

The study this spring by San Francisco-based Community Marketing Inc. found that an eye-popping 92.5% of gay men reported that they voted in the 2004 presidential race, and almost 84% said they cast ballots in the 2006 midterm election. Among lesbians, the results were almost as impressive; nearly 91% said they voted in 2004; for the midterm, the figure was 78%.

By comparsion, the Washington-based Committee for the Study of the American Electorate put the turnout for all Americans eligible to vote at about 61% in 2004 and roughly 40% in 2006.

Gay people not only vote en-mass, but they hold advertising clout far and above their hetero counter-parts. Check out Advertising Age magazine’s article on corporations producing two television commercials that are identical – except for the sexual orientation material.
And while we’re talking about the Gay Vote, it’s worth noting what “The Gays” are looking at this weekend: The Visible Vote; Logo Television.

The format of the Logo Webpage is pretty…confusing. ButRachel Maddow before I note anything on this debate, there is the matter of dealing with Air America radio-celeb; Rachel Maddow. Maddow’s “Campaign Asylum” found on YouTube does an excellent job of a.) congradulating the candidates for doing the debate b.) noting that it’s pretty ridiculous to include Margaret Carlson as one of the moderators. First, she’s not gay, second she has connections with one of the candidates (whether present or not) and third… She wasn’t that good.

The other three moderators were gay. Luckily for the entire debate. Joe Solmonese, Executive Director of the Human Rights Campaign, Melissa Ethridge and Jonathan Capehart of the Washington Post. Very good! Respected and outstanding GLBT citizens of the community.

Andrew Sullivan at The Daily Dish made an intelligent observation on the Logo debates. Arguably, a majority of the debate focused on gay marriage, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and Defense of Marriage, Andrew noted the thought:

My own sense, however, is that we haven’t moved the Democrats much in many years. They need and want gay money, so they will talk to us. But none of the leading candidates supports our civil equality in marriage, the Ground Zero of the movement. And, more frustrating, none will say why.

If you’re for civil unions but not civil marriage, you need an argument. One is simply the semantic one that your commitment to the heterosexual meaning of the word trumps your understanding that gays are also family members and deserve not to be shunted into a “separate-but-equal” institution.

But none of them will admit that.

The other answer is that they do support equality in marriage but fear losing votes if they publicly say so. As president, of course, they have virtually no role in the matter – it’s for the states. But they’re scared of the Rove machine – still. So they can’t say that either. So they all seem illogical.

Well said!

You’d have to go to Logo’s website to see each of the candidates interviews on your own. I emailed the folks at WordPress to ask them why I can’t use the links Logo provided to link the video in my blog here. What I got was from Barry at WordPress who said:

Hi,That is correct — untrusted 3rd party javascript is not allowed for security purposes.

Why thanks Barry (@) wordpress dot com. I’m sure you’re sleeping comfortably knowing none of those big scarey “homo-scripts” from Logo television aren’t going to be terrorzing your computer server farm anytime soon.

Sheeshe. Dude! Lighten up man! It’s Logo Tee-Vee! You think they’re somehow block you and your servers because you’re “untrusted” 3rd party?!

The jerk.

Governor Bill Richardson (D-NM)

Gov Bill RichardsonWhat a train-wreck. I have secretly kept my “Underdog” hopes for Richardson because he has a pedigree that blows way everybody else on the Dem ticket. He’s been a US Senator, US Congressman, an Ambassador and he’s a Governor! But Melissa Ethridge asked him, in relation to his usage of the “maricon” comment on the Don Imus program in 2006, if he saw homosexuality being a choice.

Melissa: “Do you think homosexuality is a choice?”

Richardson: It is a choice. Of course!

Melissa: “Maybe you misunderstand the question. Do you think that I was born this way? <short pause> Or do you think…right around the sixth grade or so I decided to start liking girls?”

Richardson: <looking like he ate the last chocolate chip cookie in a room full of starving orphans> Look. I’m not a scientist. I don’t know all of the science behind all of this. I’m just not a scientist!

Phphp… C’mone!

Joe.My.God‘s comment was brilliant. In relating to Richardson’s blunder on the Logo Presidential, JMG said:

“To gays and lesbians, flubbing the choice-vs.-nature question is like botching the answer to “What’s one plus one?”

Note to [New Mexico Governor] Richardson’s current and former gay staffers and supporters: Do an intervention — and get him an Ambien — before he implodes again.”

Pam, over at Pam’s House Blend caught Richardson on the radio two days after his mega-sized gaffe where he said this:

“I’d flown all night from New Hampshire. I screwed up, I made a mistake. This is an issue you’re born with, it’s a not a choice, it’s not a lifestyle. I didn’t understand the question…there was an implication that politics intervenes with science. And I always love the word “choice”, I am for freedom of choice, I have in my health care plan a choice where everyone can choose their health care plan and I always see it as a golden word. I didn’t think it through what Melissa was asking me.”

Pam has an MP3 of him saying this – click here.

The emphasis is mine (of course). I heard in today’s news that Tommy Thompson (R-WI) has just dropped out of the Republican bid for President. I can only hope that Richardson does the same thing soon.

UPDATE: Queerty has an interview with Governor Richardson shortly after the Logo Debates that’s well worth the read.  I personally think he’s thrown the gay vote.  He’s fallen to the same category as Mike Gravel, Ron Paul and Tom Tancredo.

He’s unelectable.

US Senator John Edwards (D-NC)

John EdwardsEdwards showed his weak under-belly by admitting is complete lack of knowledge of “the Gays”. It’s become apparent that John Edwards sees gay people as he sees black people, brown people or as he sees those who are less fortunate.

In an audience of GLBT people both in the studio as well as in the ethereal airwaves satellite relay dishes everywhere, Senator John Edwards explained that he had listened to US Senator Barak Obama (D-IL) who was on the panel earlier and he agreed. He went on to point out that his religious views disagreed with gay marriage but he agreed with equality for everybody. And so he jumped for the opportunity for a cop-out by promising that since he’s a strong supporter of a separated church and state – he won’t let his religious views interfere with his Presidential veto-pen.

You don’t believe me? Click here and watch this.

Pathetic. You think?

I’d rather vote for his wife Elizabeth for President.

US Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY)

Hillary ClintonI love Hillary. I don’t love another eight four years of Clinton v. GOP wars.

She’s pro gay marriage. She’s against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell (even though she helped draft it up), she’s against DOMA (even though she was involved in drafting it up) and she’s against the Bush Iraq Oil War (even though she voted for it and continues to make up excuses for voting for it).

Whatever she said…

I’m a huge supporter of a presidential/vice-presidential team where the President works to fix the foreign relations debacle in this country and the Vice-President to fix the domestic debacle. So if someone picks Hillary as the Veep – I’m there buddy! 100%. She’d be fantastic on the Domestic stuff.

(Former) US Senator Mike Gravel (D-AK)

Mike GravelSenator Gravel cracks me up. And he is the best candidate on the floor. He understands the American people and he understands the issues that are facing “The Gays”. But I’m not going to vote for him, so let’s move along.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH)

Dennis Kucinich (D-OH)One of the brightest men on the panel. The man, in my understanding of his politics, completely and totally understands the human condition as well as the gay condition in America. I was stunned by his answers:

On gay marriage…are you for “gay marriage”.

Kucinich: Of course I’m for gay marriage. Gay marriage is nothing other than two adults who are in love with each other. The best quality of the human soul is the ability to love. Nothing more beautiful, nothing more passionate than a human to be able to love another human being.

Well, okay I adlibbed. You really should check out his answers on Logo.

Post Editing Notation: Congressman Kucinich’s office was raided after his appearance on Logo television.

Dennis Kucinich’s presidential campaign office in Cleveland was vandalized early this morning after the congressman appeared with other Democratic candidates on a nationally televised forum on gay rights. Kucinich spokesman Andy Juniewicz said an unknown object was thrown through a plate glass window sometime after 12:30 a.m., when campaign staffers closed down the office. Juniewicz did not have a dollar estimate of the damage, and said he didn’t know whether it was connected with Kucinich’s appearance at the forum sponsored by the gay rights group Human Rights Campaign. “We will leave it to the Cleveland Police Department to investigate and see what they come up with,” Juniewicz said.

Oh thank goodness! The Royal Republicans were right again! There really is no connection between Hate Crimes and homosexuality!!

Senator Barak Obama (D-IL)

Sen Barak Obama

The panelists were cruel to Senator Obama, in my opinion. The jumped in on the idea of comparing Gay/Lesbian rights and issues to those related to African American rights and issues during the civil rights movement. I thought their comparison was racist and completely unwarranted.

But, Obama was stellar! He spoke strongly about how speeches given in African-American church congregations and condemned them for homophobia.

I have to give Andrew Sullivan the last word on this “debate”. He’s right – it wasn’t a “debate”, it was in fact, an “interview”. But Sullivan did not fail to notice the Republicans being strangely silent to ever talk to “the Gays” even when there’s a Log Cabin Republican member standing four feet away from them. Sullivan noted:

The other aspect of the “debate” was the fact that no Republican candidates are prepared to make a similar case to gay voters. Gays apparently don’t exist for the GOP: a constituency they won’t touch, let alone appeal to. That’s bad for gays, forMe Republicans and for the country. But it’s the party Rove and Bush built: a party whose foundations are exclusionary and divisive.

And I would have to agree with him on that. It truly is a shame that the Republicans still can not bring themselves to recognized that gays exist, or that the Log Cabin Republicans exist.