David Huckabee: Is he gay or just a sleazy “businessman”?

Dear God… It’s a Sleazy Family Christmas for the Huckleberry Hound family. The more we look at these Arkansas hillbillies, the more tawdry and pathetic they appear. That’s “Super Chunk” David in the middle. That’s his sister on his left and his other brother “Mega Chunk” John Mark (who’s middle name is “Matthew Luke”). Dave here seems to be nothing more than a giant sized asshole who’s never seen an empty can of Slim Fast.


Yeah I can tell. You’re thinking exactly what I’m thinking: “The verticle stripes are so slimming!!” Or were you noticing the deer-hunting outfits the girls are wearing?!

My husband life-partner said when he saw the picture: “Dear God, we need the ASPCA to rescue that dog!”Candyland

Cheezus… Those boys never played a friendly game of Candyland when they were little….They ate it!

In April 2007, David walks into the Little Rock airport packing a loaded Glock (and forty-two dozen Hostess Ho-Ho’s) stuffed in his carry-on baggage. Once the X-Ray machine alerted the TSA:

“I removed the bag and asked Mr. Huckabee if he knew what he had in the bag,” Little Rock police officer Arthur Nugent wrote in a report after being summoned to a security checkpoint. “He replied he did now.”

Yeah… He knew and he didn’t give a fuck. Like the Bush Twins, he’s another Republican spoiled brat who couldn’t give a shit about anybody but himself. They always say that the PK’s are the worse too. But when you’re the PK and your daddy’s a prominent Republican, it gives you the right to just walk on into an airport, stroll on through the security detail with a loaded Glock and nobody will ever call you a terrorist. And when he’s asked if he knew he had it – he just shrugs and says; “Yeah…so what? Big deal. What’s you’re problem with that?”

Baby HueyIn December 2001, Baby Huey here was slapped for running a business in Jonesboro (Arkansas State University) without a license. Ordered to march his ass over to the city collector’s office and paid the $62.50 fine. So he goes and pays the fee with a bag full of 6,250 pennies.

When asked if he wanted to comment to The Herald, a visibly dissatisfied Huckabee said, “I don’t think so.”

While Huckabee would not discuss the payment with the press, he did tell city employees of his disgust with the media treatment of the situation.

Huckabee also voiced concern over the attention he was receiving.

“Obviously, there is nothing better to cover on campus than me licensing my company,” Huckabee said. “You’d think they would realize no one even reads that paper, or even takes them seriously yet here they are.”

Well Asshole, it would appear that everybody is reading that newspaper these days!

musketeers Did you notice the reporter explain this arrogant prick’s mouth?

While Huckabee would not discuss the payment with the press, he did tell city employees of his disgust with the media treatment of the situation.

He stomps his lard-ass up the steps of city hall carrying a bag of 6,250 pennies. Sweating profusely from the exertion of the seven steps from the curb, he huffs and puffs down the hallway…an exhausting thirteen feet. Red faced and severely deprived of desperately needed oxygen, he slams the bag on the counter and pulls out a Mars bar. While he’s pulling out the endless supply of saturated fats, he impatiently glares at the clerk who has to count each and every damned penny. Grover Welch, the author of this article, asked him if he had any comment and Huckabee didn’t. Instead, he belches six times, whips out a giant-sized bag of M&M’s and bitches at the city employees about his disappointment with the media’s attention.

What a disgusting and pathetic little boy…

…All because he tried to avoid paying a licensing fee to the city.

He paid the fine because a month earlier, the Arkansas State University Herald ran a story on Baby Huey, saying he was running illegals businesses on campus selling bullshit to the students. Crap like ball-point pens and promotional concessional trash to the Student Activities Board. At the time, he “owned” two businesses; “H & K Enterprises” and “Pyro-Erectus”.

Pyro-Erectus?! Flaming hard-on? Hot cock? Dick that shoots flames?! Who names a business “pyro-erectus”? If that isn’t “gay”, or at least “wanna-be” gay… I don’t know what is!!

David Huckabee is a doucheBut Super Chunk thinks he can avoid paying the $62 licensing fee by bullshitting his way out of it.

H & K Enterprises and Pyro-Erectus are not businesses, but partnerships, said Huckabee, a senior speech communications and political science major of Little Rock.

According to Ken Saddler spokesman for the City Clerk’s Office, neither H & K Enterprises nor Pyro-Erectus are licensed as businesses to operate within Jonesboro. According to Saddler, this is illegal no matter the amount of money being made by a business.

marsYou see…It’s all all okay now. Partnerships are free and clear to do whatever he feels like or eats. He goes on, let’s see if you can see the “spoiled-rotten part” in this arrogant Republican asshole.

“They are not technically businesses, per se. I am a person who has a partner and we have a joint checking account, is basically what it is,” Huckabee said. “I understand what they [the city clerk’s office] think because it is portrayed to them that this is a business operation. But it’s not a business. It’s me operating with a partner ­ who have a joint checking account with a different name on it.

“That’s why my business doesn’t file taxes. We each file our own individual taxes because the partnership is just basically a checking account. The business is a joint checking account.”

What’s with all the bullshit about his “partner”? Is he trying to come out of the closet or what?!

Huckabee compared his companies to a kid who mows lawns for his neighbors.

He’s not going to go register his business with the city clerk’s office, because he cuts his next-door- neighbors-on-either-side’s grass. Even though that is a legitimate business,” he said. “It’s completely legitimate that I provide a service.

I don’t have a business; I provide services that I can do. I called my tax attorneys. He said, basically, you don’t have a business, you have a partnership.”

TwixYeah… He has a “tax attorney” like my little brother has H&R Block.  You can plug your nose and repeat that last paragraph out loud and you probably would sound like the arrogant asshole too. And what’s with the over-extended explanation of his “partner”. He goes on and on, bloviating about his “partnerships” all in the effort to avoid having to pay a licensing fee.

Who’s the partner?! We can offer him a Tic-tac for that soured cream-filling smell on his breath, but pray tell who is that “partner” of his?

And he pulls the “poor pity me” thing too. This is a favorite for both Republicans and “conservative Christians”: “They’re always hating me because I’m a Republican!” Or it’s like Scarborough said about Tom DeLay: He’s persecuted because he’s a Christian.

…No, it’s because they’re total jerks.

Fluff This is Super Chunk’s excuse:

“Trust me, when you have a last name that people like to attack on a regular basis, you make sure that what you do is legal. So, yes, my business, or the things or the services that I provide, are legal to operate,” Huckabee said.

Aww yeah… He’s such a celebrity there in Jonesboro. He’s got that Britney Gucci look, and the chicks all want to run their hands up and down the flabby folds of his body and get their groove on with him. When Baby Huey thunders on past, all the girls stop and stare with an animal-like lust in their eye… But it’s bittersweet, you know?! When you’re that damned popular…you just have to learn to be harassed.

He’s busted for running unlicensed businesses and all he had to do is pay $62.50. Instead, he shows up a month later with a fucking bag full of pennies and stands there bitching at the clerk because the media ran the story. What a pathetic fuck.

Jesus loves you but everybody else thinks you’re an asshole!

FruitFly(This blog entry was brought to you “Douche” perfume. Scroll up and click on the Douche’s picture to learn how you too can smell like total Douche. It even comes with its own Douche bag!!)




10 Responses

  1. […] not forget that David Huckabee was 17 years old at the time. Four years later, David Huckabee ends up bullying his way around Jonesboro, AR in front of city employees for paying a required fine for two businesses on campus. This brutal behavior is more than a deep […]

  2. THe boy is FAT.He is a pathetic asswipe.. he needs to be in prison being pounded by socks full of pennies.. and Puro erectus up his ass.

  3. I think you really need to find something more important to write about. People make mistakes in their lives or at least most people do. Hey maybe you haven’t. Maybe just maybe your perfect, but I seriously doubt it. One thing I would love to know….what does his weight have to do with anything? Have you spoke to him yourself? Perhaps you should have considered doing that before you past judgement that may not fair. You referred to them as Arkansas hillbillies….. you obviously have never met a hill billy. Personally I would rather be an Arkansas hillbilly than an ass hole that would make fun of someone because of their weight. You should really use your talent for writing in a more productive way. You want to call someone a bully…..that’s a little pathetic don’t you think considering that’s exactly what you appear to be doing yourself?

  4. Yes people… Let’s all remember: Speaking badly of a Republican is a *bad* *bad* thing!! One must never speak ill of the GOP!!

    Because Jennifer here, when Rush Limbaugh said of Chelsea Clinton (at the tender age of 13): “The White House staff confuses her with the family dog!”, she went on a rampage with a letter writing campaign condeming Rush for such a horrible thing to say.

    And when Ann Coulter went out on a limb by saying that Bill Clinton and John Kerry were both “Total Faggots”, leave it up to the Onward Christian Soldiers of Equality and Colonel Jennifer here with a quick pen to condemn such language.

    Yes.. the hypocracy of the Insane GOP knows no bounds! It’s the Eleventh Commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Speak Ill of the GOP!” and I’ve committed such a sin.

    So if you close your eyes, Jennifer, and make a mental image of what I look like! No matter what features you include… Be sure to remember that I’m giving you the finger.

    freakin’ hypocrites…. Quit your fucking whining…


  5. I don’t think Jennifer was suggesting that the GOP never speaks ill. I personally loathe Huckabee’s platform and feel his and his family’s behavior speaks ill of him, all by itself; but it does seem needlessly cruel, not to mention irrelevant, to insult his weight. Your article was very funny–even Jennifer said you have a talent for writing. I’m sure you were trying to appeal to my demographic: skinny people violently dissatisfied with the current regime and with a knee-jerk dislike for republicans. But when you attack someone the way you did, you lose the higher ground. You have just insulted anyone who is overweight, whether they have a thyroid disorder or just a sweet tooth, and you’ve dragged yourself right into the mud along with Huckabee.

  6. Oh hogwash… Since when has “political correctness” moved to include people who are overweight? And on what note of cruelty?

    Everybody shows up to protect this bully because of he’s overweight? That’s a great wedge issue if you want to move away from the fact that this guy is a complete jerk-wad.

    You shake you finger at me that I should be shamed and completely ignore the fact: The guy shows up at the airport with a loaded Glock for chrissakes. Out of embarrassment because of his arrogant ass, he shows up with 6,250 pennies in an effort to be a bigger jerk. And the best you’re going to bitch at me about is because of a fat-joke?

    I don’t think I’m the one being petty here. Ignoring the victims (airport workers, city hall workers, newspaper kids at a college paper) all in an effort to speak up on a “political correctness” issue is pretty bad. This man has snotted on his fellow students, snotted at the people at city hall in Jonesboro and snotted all over the airport workers and it’s all about: “Well…let’s not talk about weight because that’s just plain cruel.”

    Hogwash. I’ll expect to see you here front and center the next time Ann Coulter starts shooting her mouth off about faggots. I’ll be looking for you the next time you hear about a hate crime against gays and lesbians. And the next time you hear about gay couples denied their right to be foster parents I’ll be looking for your “political correctness” and about poor David Huckabee. You make yourself into your own hypocrite by showing up here looking for political correctness on behalf of a bully with a weight problem.


  7. Well, actually, I wasn’t suggesting that you be politically correct. I was suggesting that you not lower yourself to that level, as you have plenty of genuine ammunition for your argument…why dilute good, true arguments, real reasons why we should never, ever let this man have power in our government (even what he has is too much), with irrelevant garbage about his weight? I wasn’t trying to protect Huckabee so much as, er, you. (And Jennifer up there). Your argument made you look less righteous than unkind. (…I can’t even believe I’m writing this. Not only am I [sort of] taking the side of a republican, of all the improbable and ridiculous things, I am also starting to sound religious. We atheists can have morals too, though!)

    I certainly wasn’t ignoring those victims–I agree with you on all of those points (except where you say “the guy shows up at an airport with a loaded Glock”–that was his son, right?

    I can’t say I’ll always show up front and center every single time someone is insulted because of weight, appearance, sexual orientation, etc., because I am not exactly omnipresent, but any time I do happen to be around to witness that kind of prejudice/injustice I will absolutely speak up. (Crimes and prejudice against homosexuals really set me off, particularly, and actually I jumped into the fray about that today at work.) In fact, that is exactly what happened here: I happened across this entry, and I couldn’t help but say something against behavior/slander I couldn’t silently agree with.

    I don’t believe it’s hypocritical to expect the same treatment for everyone: I would defend any overweight person insulted that way. Even though I think Huckabee is a lousy person, and maybe “deserves” criticism, there is plenty to criticize–why not stick to the stuff that really matters? I expect that when I screw up, or when people see the worst sides of me, that they will be angry about the screw-ups or the legitimate personality problems that I have, and not go on to drag in how I look, etc.

    So, I wasn’t asking for political correctness, nor was I even remotely trying to suggest that I have sympathy for Huckabee. Were he to die tomorrow, I would probably dance on his grave, except that I wouldn’t want to make a martyr out of him.

  8. Ah, never mind…I didn’t mean to get into that. Also, sorry, I was tired, and it’s late, and I made a mistake about whom you were referring to–you were talking about his son with the weight thing in your other comment, hence the reference to the gun incident. So my comment about the “wasn’t that his son” thing was misplaced. Anyway, I didn’t mean to get on your case like that, I just couldn’t help it–you seem like a really cool person, and a talented writer, but I think you probably carry around too much bitterness/anger. But obviously, hearing that from anyone except yourself (let alone some passing internet commenter) will not help you.

  9. One of the beauties of being a liberal or a progressive is our incredible talent to agree to disagree. I respect, and truly adore your point of view and I’m impressed by your passion. Something those on the “Right” have no concept or talent in whatsoever.

    I’m of the position that a person, any person (D. Huckabee in the generic sense of the word) acts like a complete turd, or has a long history of acting like this – then there’s no “sacred cow” here. This man has severe behavioral problems, whether its dragging a bag full of pennies to pay for a simple license to run a business, or its slitting the throat of a dog and throwing rocks at it while the animal slowly dies. This man has severe problems.

    Again, I point out the story of him and his weapon at the airport. This story didn’t happen long before 9-11, nor did it happen when he was a reckless teenager. In 2007, he brought a loaded weapon in a carry-on luggage bag expecting to climb onto the plane. When TSA discovered the weapon, he was ask if he knew it was loaded – And he simply shrugged and said “Yeah”. In 2007!!!!!

    That’s a highly disturbed person.

    He’s a bully.

    And I would be wiling to bet my bottom dollar that David Huckabee uses his excessive weight as a means to enforce his bully behavior. Now I haven’t met David Huckabee, nor do I have any interest in meeting him. But my sixth-sense tells me that he uses his weight as a means to intimidate others and he has complete apathy when it comes to anybody but himself.

    And a person who can achieve such deplorable public behavior, I personally don’t believe there’s any “politically correct zones or areas” that a person can’t discuss. I didn’t write this piece to mock a person who’s overweight, I’m mocking a person who’s such a complete asshole, they’ve made themselves a public spectacle at their own expense.

    Let’s change the X’s and the Y’s in this story and re-engineer the entire thing. Let’s imagine if David Huckabee was an incredibly ugly person and while attending a beauty pageant, he screams and cusses and swears at how ugly the models are as they parade down the catwalk. Would I be criticize by noting his ugly complexion my mockery of such a complete asshole? What if we imagined him to be a midget, of a very small stature and while at a Tall Mens clothiers, Huckabee ran around and screamed and hollered at the other customers and ridiculed them for being tall and kicked them in the shins to attract their attention. Would I be criticized for noting the “short little fucker’s” height in my piece?

    I don’t believe Huckabee’s behavior, as a son of a Governor, as a professed “Christian”, or even as an American warrants any subject to be politically incorrect. He’s endangered others (the loaded gun) with abject apathy. He scoffs at others who are questioning the legality of his business dealings, and when upon discovery he was wrong: He reacts by paying the fine with a bag full of pennies. He kills animals purely out of the entertainment value and he mocks everyone who would question him. I have no remorse or sympathy for a person like that.

    And that’s where we probably disagree. And that’s completely fine! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that and I’ll never criticize a person who’d disagree with me on anything. (Even if I’m right all of the time. ==;-D)


  10. being a dickwad has nothing to do with being a republican. this guy is a douche because he’s a spoiled fucking brat.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: