Minnesota Republicans Exposed

MNGOP3

MNGOP2US Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) spotted at bar drinking at MSP airport – probably drunk

I have it on a very reliable source deep within the Republican party that Norm Coleman is not only a drunk, he’s a mean drunk too. MRE source said while waiting forty minutes for his flight to take off, he watched the Senator slam seven Fuzzy Navels and six Cuervo shooters while swearing loudly at the waitress and yelling obscenities at her. At one point, Colement grabbed his briefcase and hurled it at an elderly passenger carrying a very nervous looking poodle.

Said the MRE source:

That guy’s drinking is completely out of control. He walked into the bar on the C Concourse and just walked around to all of the tables and emptied all of the peanut dishes into his suit pocket. He made a meal out of them while he sat and got completely #%$%-faced! I don’t even think the Senator had a flight he was waiting for! He just hangs out there and gets drunk!

The bar waitress also complained that he didn’t even leave a tip.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for photos of Norm Coleman passed out drunk in an alley sleeping in his own vomit.

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) failed math test in grammar school. Parents committed her to psychiatric treatment

The phone calls won’t stop here at Minnesota Republicans Exposed headquarters. Hundreds of GOP tattle-tales have left voice mail messages who remember Michele as a young girl living in Anoka. She also failed at Phys Ed in the sixth grade. Everybody seems shocked she even managed to graduated high school before giving birth to her third child.

One phone message said:

I’m not surprised Bachmann hates the gays so much. In high school, the gays were the only ones who wouldn’t have sex with her. Our 10th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Simms once called on Michele to answer a question and accidentally called her “Miss Thang”. He apologized and all…but everybody was laughing anyway.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for a thorough exam of the entire Bachmann clan.

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Norm Coleman (R-MN) has already launched attack ads on Al Franken. Everybody in the GOP agree: Norm Coleman is an *$%hole

Mike Ciresi has a new campaign out. It’s tasteful, powerful and it reminds Minnesota that he’s been here working for all of us. Al Franken meanwhile, has two videos out already. One is a cute ad that includes his grade school teacher, while the other features his neighborhood in St. Louis Park and just as tasteful.

Also noted has been Norm Coleman’s first ad of the political season. It’s a hate ad that attacks Al Franken for jokes he’s told about gays and abortion in the 70’s. Since rumors are already out about the Senator’s closeted homosexuality, the ads wreak of hypocracy.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon on more Norm Coleman’s hate campaign ads and his latest on his DWI case

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Ron Carey, MN GOP Chairman refused to submit to drug testing.

I had lunch with a young aspiring GOP activist who’s demanded the results of Mr. Carey’s urinalysis test. Over iced-tea sans a lemon-wedge, the MRE source who’s initials are “A.A.” and hails from Blaine, MN told me he’s actually sold marijuana to Mr. Carey during the Pretenders/The Who concert last winter.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for an update on Ron Carey’s drug addiction problem.

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Still furious about losing Minn SB 25 to Kevin Dahle (DFL), Ray Cox and John Kline have formed an underground FIGHT CLUB in a network of church basements throughout the district. Jim Ramstad expected to heal just fine, and still not running for re-election

MRE has been told under the strictest confidence that the Republicans are still really mad about their loss in the SB25 election. MN GOP Chairman Ron Carey blamed John Kline’s religious nut-ball activists while Michele Bachmann has blamed the closeted homosexuals everywhere throughout the district.

Ray Cox told our MRE source:

“I’m not running for office as a Republican anymore. Those dudes are @$$holes. I don’t care what anybody says. Screw them.”

Evangelical churches have begun holding Fight Club “prayer meetings” in the basements everywhere throughout the district. Piles of cherry flavored Kool-Aid jugs are brought in along with ingenious cream-of-mushroom soup hot dish concoctions and are served generously with rolls and green Jello-O molds in between fights.

Bachmann, volunteering to be the half-naked chick who holds up the poster-signs declaring the match numbers has been met by boos and jeers from the GOP audience. Bachmann reportedly returns the boos and jeers by hissing at them, giving them the finger and in some cases, throwing the posters at them.

…Northfield police have busted four fights in the area and two churches have had to post bail to get their ministers out of jail.FruitFly 6

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for an update on Fight Clubs and hot-dish casseroles being passed around the SB25 district.

by FruitFly | 8,925 Comments »

6 Responses

  1. Dude, where are your ALL CAPS headlines? These don’t scream at all….

  2. LOL!

    I’ll remember that for the next time. But I sure had a hella lotta fun writing that one.

    Thanks for Lovin’ me!!!!!!!!

    FF

  3. FF:

    Jeez, this post made me laugh so much today, I decided to make some stuff for you. But now I don’t know where to send it.
    Quelle bummer!
    Please send me an email willya please please please pleeez?

    Love from Tild

  4. Ugh!! The Fruit Fly Fan Club grows with each piece of rotten fruit. I love you too Tilde!!

    XXOXO

    FF

  5. […] by Phoenix Woman on January 27, 2008 Some fine folk are parodying the breathlessly bizarro GOP oppo bucket that is Minnesota Democrats Exposed, the blog of paid Minnesota Republican Party operative Michael […]

  6. Very nice! This post has been submitted for consideration for a Spotty ™ award.

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