The Life and Times of “Eric, The Red”

I think the GOP’s tiny little heads are about to explode, and I love it. EverythingOld Fruitflies inside of their dime-sized world is caving into this nefarious vacuum hole of theirs and they have nothing that can be done about it. On the Dems side; grassroots aren’t too excited about Hillary Clinton. (Except Bartcop of course. He loves the Clintons and Americana life when Clinton was in office. It’s a little bit Norman Rockwellian, but we love Bart just the same.) I think all of us are thrilled to support Barack Obama, Hillary (and John Edwards). …just not so much with Hillary. We definitely need change, in all of it.

Clinton WinceOne of my friends said to me one day; “Actually, having Hillary as President would be loads fun just to hear the Repukes whining and bawling all over again. I mean, the Repukes can only blame themselves with all of their stupid scandals, their wars, their Attorney General crap and now the economy… A return of the Clintons was an obvious result! Life with the Clintons was far better than life with the Bushes.”

And I couldn’t agree more. Bartcop is right: Life with the Clintons was a whole lot better than it was with the Bushes. And it’s a given: I’m not at all pleased with Obama’s stand things like gay marriage and I’ll gladly argue with him about his health care plans. But if Clinton wins the Big Brass Ring, I’ll gladly vote for her.

Republican ElephantUnfortunately, the GOP can’t say the same thing about the Old Goats on their team.

The Reds hate John McCain, and they hate him with a passion.

Face it: McCain’s win in Florida was a shoe-in. McCain is an ancient old grandpa of a man and where do most ancient old grandpas and grandmas go to live? Can you imagine how much fun we’ll have watching McCain go after that “Young Republicans” vote (again) trying to look “Hip”?

How well will John McCain go over trying out some rap music hoping to get that “youth vote”? In four months from now, will John McCain be showing up on college campuses looking like Methuselah wearing “gangsta colors” and loads of Bling?!

YouTube is going to become a mecca of animated shorts mocking McCain. Subjects of derision for his candidacy will include topics about McCain’s:

  • “dentures”
  • “trophy wife”
  • “trophy nurse”
  • “lists of his meds”
  • “Voting Records of the Dead” jokes.

You can fill in the blanks because McCain will be shooting them.

Last night, Eric at Red State heavily blogs while he’s watching the Florida Primaries and the results. I just happened to get a kick out of the “slow-motion” thing. With each entry you can see his hopes and dreams fade away with John McCain’s win. And I loved each and every entry.

@ 8:37PM Eric starts his night off bitching about Bill and Hillary:

Hillary Clinton has the support of both Alcee Hastings and Bill Clinton, the last two major political figures to be impeached by the Congress. I didn’t realize that.

Also, there is something disingenuous about the media coverage of Hillary’s race. The Democrats shut down the MIchigan and Florida delegations because of their calendar placements. All the candidates withdraw except Hillary.

I cannot believe the media is giving her campaign favorable treatment for breaking the rules in this way. It’s asinine.

She can’t win in valid contests so she’s going to invalid ones to win. Pitiful.

“Whatever you say, Lunchbox…” <sigh> Stupid Republicans.

Bitching about the Clintons must be a requirement to keep their Honorary Membership cards. The dumbasses.

@ 8:47PM (Ten minutes later) Eric’s cleaned out his his email and someone’s bitching at him about his hatred towards Ron Paul. (Red State has hated Ron Paul and Ron Paul supporters for months now. Eric of Red is apparently no exception.)

From: justin.campbell@scripps.com
Subject: [General Contact Form] Restate.com
Date: January 29, 2008 2:41:08 PM EST
To: RedState.com
Reply-To: justin.campbell@scripps.com

Justin Campbell sent a message using the contact form at
http://www.redstate.com/contact.

Shame on you for “banning” Ron Paul supporters from posting.

You can’t “ban” the truth – as much as you want to…

You should be scared. It’s a Ron Paul Revolution.

[expletive deleted] REDSTATE.COM

@ 8:54Pm (seven minutes later), Eric blogs again. In less than fifteen minutes he’s realized the winner and he’s decided to open a bottle of booze. Eric the Drunk the Red says:

Can John McCain win a Republican primary when just Republicans vote? We’ll find out tonight.

Here’s your open thread.

Polls close at 7pm, but remember the Panhandle is in the Central Time Zone while the rest of the state is Eastern Time Zone.

Exit polling shows a neck and neck race between McCain and Romney.

[UPDATE:] Seniors, veterans, Hispanics, and those concerned about the economy broke for McCain. Conservatives and evangelicals broke for Romney. A reporter from a major news service has called asking for my comment on McCain’s narrow win tonight.

[UPDATE AT 9:12:] John McCain can win in a Republican Primary and he has. Ladies and Gentlemen, we now have our front runner and more likely than not our nominee. Make of that what you will. Me? I’m turning to drink.

[UPDATED AT 9:18:] The way this is shaping up, it’s military vs. conservatives. Likewise, like with Howard Dean in 2004, let’s strike from the rule book the notion that the guy who has the most money wins. Here’s an unpleasant truth for conservatives tonight, myself included: Mitt Romney will limp on, but keep his stack of silver medals in 2nd place. Rudy is over. I’m still voting for Fred. John McCain, at least, I maintain is probably the most viable against Hillary or Obama.

He’s begun doing shooters…

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s prepare for John McCain as our nominee. As of tonight, the writing is on the wall.

…Now here he’s pissed that he’s had too many shooters…

And I want my party back, by the way. Apparently the McCain people are reading my last line as insulting, which was not my point (I’ll have something up later). For now, I mean it, but I retract it. Tune in tomorrow for exactly what I mean.

@ 9:50PM (Fifty-six minutes later) Eric stumbling around looking for his bunny slippers:

Tonight was not a failure of conservatism, but a triumph of military voters who have made their home in the Republican Party because we are the party of a strong national defense.

In both South Carolina and Florida, they won it for McCain. In the grand coalition of the GOP, we’ve talked about social conservatives and fiscal conservatives. We’ve all ignored the military voters, except John McCain. And he won them big. His message resonated.

And the man still has an +80% conservative rating. I shed no tears.

In the morning, Eric’s had a really bad night’s sleep. He’s pissed because of all the booze and he didn’t just dream this nightmare. He isn’t dead and there’s no hope he’ll spend eternity with 72 virgins. He writes this piece entitled “Electile Dysfunction“, let’s see if you can detect the dank scent of hangover:

I want my party back. I really do. My party, if you will remember, is the one that fights the Democrats on spending, instead of pushing them aside to get a place at the trough.

My party is the one that is conservative without Michael Gerson.

My party is the one where we can disagree politely on matters without calling each other traitor.

Now, personally, I blame George W. Bush for all of this. You can blame Romney or McCain or Giulilani if you want. But George W. Bush left us with a political power vacuum. He knew Cheney wouldn’t run. Cheney would be the heir apparent. Instead of pointing us in a direction, we had this wonderful primary season that has split the party into pieces.

The GOP has a pattern of going with the heir apparent. The party is keeping true to form by heading toward McCain. It has nothing to do with rejecting conservatism. It has everything to do with conservatives following history and tradition and traditionally we’ve always known who the heir was going to be.

George W. Bush, in his utter disregard for the conservatism of the party, decided to break with past precedent on this issue and we find ourselves in the present mess. Along the way, he also gave us big government conservatism, Michael Gerson, Dan Bartlett, an immigration fight, and out of control spending by his own party.

So now we are left with Romney and McCain.

nelson muntzHA!!! So now it’s George W’s fault!!! HAHA!! You can’t get more entertainment than that!

The Republicans have been the Party of Hate since the days of Ronald Ray-Gun. They have a laundry list of everything and everybody that they despise. And now, Redstate has added the Village Idiot to that very same list. Nothing more funny than a Red Ripe Republican bitching and whining about George W after seven years of insanity inside the Oval Office.

Mister Eric of Red; “Have you recently figured out that King George was an Idiot? Or have you been the True Idiot all along?!”. It’s like bitching about hearing Satanic voices by playing Led Zepplen’s “Stairway to Heaven” backwards and using an 8-Track player to prove your point.

The GOP isn’t a political party. It isn’t even a social construct to reflect a political frame of thought. The GOP is social disease of hatred and contempt for anything remotely related to connected to Americana. They hate our Right toFruitFly 6 Privacy, so they eavesdrop on us. They hate our Right to be Free of Religion, so they give money to selected religious groups. They hate our Right to be Free, so they decide who we are and are not allowed to marry. They hate our Right to be Americans and so they terrorize us.

…And now, they’ve finally, after all of these years…they’ve finally begun to hate themselves.

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