Bachmann Solves Energy Crises While Watching Beverly Hillbillies

This piece made me fall off my chair while sitting at Keys Cafe in downtown Minneapolis yesterday morning. It bears nothing for an introduction, with the exception of one warning: Don’t read it while drinking anything you don’t want coming up and through your nose, hot coffee and Coca-Cola drinkers beware.

From the City Pages: Virginia is the new Saudi Arabia

Matt Snyders

Let’s face it: Harping on Rep. Michele Bachmann just ain’t what it used to be. At this point, taking swipes at her fairy-tale worldview is like shooting fish in a barrel. No, wait. It’s more like shooting the barrel itself, provided it’s filled to the brim with steaming bullshit.

So it is with fatigued reserve that we pass along a laughable speech that the Sixth District representative delivered to the Anoka County Business Leadership Forum last week: “If we extract 20 percent [of the oil] we know is off the coast of Virginia, we can replace what we import from Saudi Arabia,” she said. “We have got almost unlimited availability of energy in the United States but we have restricted our ability to use it.

Sigh. It’s impossible to know the exact figures, but according to the Interior Department, about 56 million barrels of oil are waiting to be tapped off Virginia’s coast. Twenty percent of 56 million—let’s see, carry the one—is just over 11 million barrels. Total. By contrast, we import roughly 500 million barrels of oil a year from the Saudis, according to those hippies at the Energy Information Administration, the U.S. government’s own site that keeps track of such matters.

Note to Bachmann: 500 million > 11 million.

The Kiss

She is pregnant; he had just saved her from a fire in her house, rescuing her by carrying her out of the house into her front yard, while he continued to fight the fire. When he finally got done putting the fire out, he sat down to catch his breath and rest.

A photographer from the Charlotte , North Carolina newspaper, noticed her in the distance looking at the fireman.

He saw her walking straight toward the fireman and wondered what she was going to do.

As he raised his camera, she came up to the tired man who had saved her life and the lives of her babies and kissed him just as the photographer snapped this photograph…

The Kiss

FruitFly 6

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Sewage Plant in San Fran: Named after King George

Wastewater SealFrom the Internets..!

Looking to honor the forty-third President of the United States of America, George W. Bush, the recently formed Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco is looking to change the name of the Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility. It seems the group would like to rename the SF Zoo adjacent facility to the “George W Bush Sewage Plant.”

Genius.

The local grassroots movement, helmed by “Wayne Pickering,” is proposing an ordinance initiative for the November 2008 San Francisco ballot in order to get the poop/pee/vomit plant’s title changed. Why? To honor our current leader of the free world with an “appropriate and enduring legacy, for no other president in modern American history has accomplished so much in such a short time.

We think this is an excellent idea.

Would you like to help out with this effort? Help collect signatures? Host meetings or social gatherings? Then, join the effort by visiting Presidentialmemorial.org. So far, there are only six members, which we find inexcusable. Together we can make a difference and setup a constant reminder of what was, arguably, the worst administration in the history of our glorious country. God bless America and God bless the Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco.

Airports, parkways, boulevards even high schools; there’s nothing better than the community toilet being named after a Bush is simply priceless.FruitFly 6

Who wants to take bets that the sewage treatment plant becomes a haven for bathroom sex for prominent Republican Senators and ultra-conservative Evangelical pastors?