Found under a wine bottle

bottleRedneck Hospitality

CHICAGO—The White House has turned down a request from the family of President-elect Barack Obama to move into Blair House in early January so that his daughters can start school on Jan. 5.

The Obamas were told that Blair House, where incoming presidents usually stay in the five days before Inauguration Day, is booked in early January, a spokesperson to the Obama transition said. “We explored the idea so that the girls could start school on schedule,’ the spokesperson said. “But, there were previously scheduled events and guests that couldn’t be displaced.”

It remained unclear who on Bushes guest list outranked the incoming President.

I’m going to guess who’s going to be “occupying” the Blair House: The Bush Twins, that’s who. Jenna and Barbara will be pulling off their final and last week-long bender complete with bathtubs converted into giant sized bongs, kitchen hand beaters exchanged with vibrating dildos and the largest pot garden within a 90-miles growing in the Master Bedroom… complete with automated irrigation.

But that’s only a guess.

Ineptitude

Private information at bargain prices. It was a high-tech flub at the McCain-Palin campaign headquarters in Arlington when Fox 5’s Investigative Reporter Tisha Thompson bought a Blackberry device containing confidential campaign information. […]

The hottest item? Blackberry phones at $20 a piece. There were only 10 left. All of the batteries had died. There were no chargers for sale. But people were snatching them up. So, we bought a couple.

And ended up with a lot more than we bargained for.

When we charged them up in the newsroom, we found one of the $20 Blackberry phones contained more than 50 phone numbers for people connected with the McCain-Palin campaign, as well as hundreds of emails from early September until a few days after election night.

petri48cake012Your Daddy drinks too much because you laugh at the GOP.

Hope

The state canvassing board just voted unanimously that absentee ballots that were initially rejected because of clerical errors — and the current estimate from the hearing is that there could be nearly 1,600 of them, based on some extrapolation — should be counted, probably the single biggest issue that the Franken campaign has been hammering ever since this recount began, and which really seemed up in the air going into this hearing.

Crossing my fingers, anticipating Minnesota’s newest Junior Senator might very well be Stewart Smalley always makes me leak a tiny bit of pee in my underpants.

Hypocracy

Angered by the Republican Senate (a.k.a. “Darth Vader’s golfing buddies”), Chris Dodd (D-CT) points out:

  • Worker salaries make up a tiny fraction of the financial challenge facing the automakers.
  • The UAW had already agreed to achieve “compatibility and comparability” by March—a major concession.
  • We still have the opportunity to fix this and the obligation to try.
  • It is “incredible” that the one demand put above all others by Republicans during this negotiation is that workers, who have already been hurt badly by the declining economy, should take another hit.

Yes… As we all know: Republicans are especially patriotic compared to their liberal, labor union and minority middle-class American worker. Watch the Chris Dodd video here.

fruitfly21Leadership

Morgan Johnson, president of the UAW, told General Motors auto workers in Shreveport, LA last Friday:

“I don’t know what Sen. Vitter has against GM or the United Auto Workers or the entire domestic auto industry; whatever it is, whatever he thinks we’ve done, it’s time for him to forgive us, just like Sen. Vitter has asked the citizens of Louisiana to forgive him, ” said Johnson, president of Local 2166. Otherwise, Johnson said of Vitter, it would appear, “He’d rather pay a prostitute than pay auto workers.”

If there’s anybody out there who believes the Republican Party cares anything about the middle class, I have a really nice bridge to sell you cheap. It’s in Brooklyn, NY and it’s purple with pretty red and yellow flowers painted all over it. Seriously! If you’d like to buy it…I can arrange it!

Can anybody tell me – Did Senator David Vitter give his wife Wendy clymidia? Or has that all been cleared up?

The Second American Civil War

Joe Babiasz of Huntington Woods, Mich., launched a Web site, www.boycottalabamanow.com, recently to protest Shelby’s efforts to prevent Congress from passing a package of loans to the U.S. auto industry.

On his Web site, the General Motors retiree takes issue with [Senator Richard] Shelby’s [R-AL] position and claims Shelby’s support of federal grants for Alabama makes the senator a hypocrite. Specifically, the Web site questions grants for Alabama’s fishing industry.

If Big Auto does collapse, the Republican Party can be given credit to damaging the United States far beyond Osama bin Laden’s wildest dreams. If you don’t believe me, wind-up your stress meter by checking this piece out and find out for yourself.FruitFly 6

Even so, statistics from the Center for Automotive Research in Ann Arbor show 239,000 people work in the U.S. for GM, Chrysler and Ford Motor Co. The center, which does research for the auto companies, estimates total job losses would reach 2.5 million if GM failed and 3.5 million if all three auto companies went out of business in 2009.

Predictions are coming through on the GOP throwing Michigan families under the bus just weeks for Christmas will guarantee that Michigan won’t vote Republican for at least one generation of voters. I predict at least three generations.

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Pigs in the Ditch

Bush Threatens The American People (again):

threatI hate it when he does this. He sets in these subtle little nuances in everything he says or does thinking he’s being clever. It’s like when Marilyn French wrote “The Women’s Room”: It was a novel published as a metaphore for women’s studies.

Bush, unfortunately, is far too stupid to be brushed with the same stroke, or with the same hue, and he attempted with the idea that he was just as smart as the 1970’s, ’80’s, 90’s and the 2-thousand-K’s.

Bush get’s published in the Wall Street Journal’s Oped piece the other day. And reading this “piece” constructively, critically or even honestly… well, you go ahead and read it yourself.

Our Founders believed in the wisdom of the American people to choose their leaders and provided for the concept of divided and effective government. The majority party in Congress gets to pass the bills it wants. The minority party, especially where the margins are close, has a strong say in the form bills take. And the Constitution leaves it to the president to use his judgment whether they should be signed into law.

That gives us a clear challenge and an opportunity. If the Congress chooses to pass bills that are simply political statements, they will have chosen stalemate. If a different approach is taken, the next two years can be fruitful ones for our nation. We can show the American people that Republicans and Democrats can come together to find ways to help make America a more secure, prosperous and hopeful society. And we will show our enemies that the open debate they believe is a fatal weakness is the great strength that has allowed democracies to flourish and succeed.

The emphasis is mine of course and I have to beg a difference by asking: Isn’t that a threat?

More importantly, it’s a blanketed threat!

The Monkey-In-Chief could have eleminated the phrase; “that are simply making political statements,” and all you end up with is his “brilliant” metaphore:

“If the Congress chooses to pass bills they will have chosen stalemate”

The “Great Decider” goes on with his ransom note: “If they decide to do something different…then all will be well with our great America”. Ahhh… It’s like a tub of warm sudsy water…(and an alligator).

Screw you Booosh. To quote your ownself as wanna-be “The War President” during your own ceremonies of your last four years in 2004! Let me quote you:
“The American people have spoken.”Bush Waxed

Don’t threaten us, you Texas-sized Gas-Bag. We, the American people ain’t your Daddy who gave you whatever the hell you wanted to keep you from throwing a fit. You’re a Deuche.

Can we give this Bush a bikini-wax once and for all?!?!

Pat Robertson says: God Loves Death

I’m beginning to believe that Pat Robertson’s popularity score is directly porportional to everytime he claims God told him to hope for someone to die or get assasinated. For a while, Pat was “channelling” God and recruiting someone to assasinate Hugo Chavez, President of Venezuela. Then, Pat was “channelling” God by hoping someone on the US Supreme Court would die. Honest! You thought I was kidding?! Go back and read it! Pat Robertson actually “channeled God Almighty” by predicting Liberal US Supreme Court Justicies would die. It’s horrorific.

Why is it that the GOP harbors people like these Horror-Monsters of Death? And they keep claiming that they’re the “True Patriotic Americans”!
Now he’s channelling God again by claiming that there will be severe terrorist attacks in the latter half of 2007. fortuneteller.jpg

Now let me channel God for a minute: “Ummmmm….. I believe Pat Robertson will die and everybody will be happier, including God.”

Dumb Ass…

Yahoo and CNN Pretend To Be “News”:

Corporate media giants like Time-Warner’s CNN and Yahoo contribute to the Republican Party in Congress anymore, pull a Britney Spears “Ooopsie, I Did It Again” with US Senator Barak Obama (D-IL). The GOP has been fiddling with Senator Obama’s newly found fame and best selling book “The Audacity of Hope”. Encouraged to screw with the American’s psychie by re-arranging the letters in his names in order to connect him to GW Bush’s long-forgotten enemy Osama bin Laden. (Who, by the way, is the youngest brother to long-time Bush family friend Salem bin Laden (d 1988) and his 34 other sons and daughters.)

The “connections” with Barak Obama are pretty straightforward:

Obama is one letter off from “Osama”

The Senator’s middle name is Houssein.

The Senator’s last name Barak rhymes with Iraq

100% school playground name-calling and nothing else. But, it’s got enough lift for both CNN and Yahoo to jump into the “bully sandbox” and join in on the name calling. It’s apparently time that all of us change the channel lables on our television sets to “CKKK News” and download our new “Ya-Queda Search” bar on our Desktop.

National Rifle Association Peddles Fear:animal rights

The NRA first went into denial saying they had nothing to do with it. Then they said they had a little bit of a hand in it. Then they admitted that they were indeed the culprits behind a propaganda flyer that was sent out to all of their subscribers. I don’t understand this story at all. They’re the folks with the Guns! And yet they’re saying that the “barn-owl smootching tree-huggers” are the terrorists?

Bring it on… bee-yotch!!!

FruitFly

FruitFly News: Scum, Scabs, Scraps and Leftovers

Frizze 1 headlineGood evening everybody, thank you for joining us and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee. On Tuesday, Dr. Robert Gates met with the United States Senate for confirmation hearings to replace Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld. Second to question Dr. Gates, Senator Carl Levin (D-MI) asked pointedly: “…Do you think we’re winning the Iraq?” Dr. Gates, after a short thoughtful moment said; “No Sir, I don’t.” Meanwhile President George W. Bush, in the Oval White House, saw Dr. Gates’ answer and threw the bottle of Jim Beam against the wall and called for his limousine. President Bush was heard leaving the White House saying: “Who told that Longhorn Sumabitch to say that…I’m the Deciding..err! And I decide what he’s gonna say an’ what he ain’t!” Dr. Gates is reportedly doing fine with a laceration above his eye and small pellets peppering his face on the left-hand side. Vice President Dick Cheney was not on hand for comment.

BBush1In other related news, the Southern White Trash Association has named the Bush Twins “Drunken Prom Whores” for the upcoming 2008 Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, beating out front-runner Brittney Spears. Last month, Barbara and Jenna Bush, found in Johannesburg, South Africa, were caught smoking and drinking with a noticeably younger crowd of Yale Students. Partiers at the Fall Break Festivities objected to the First Twins attendance. Christine Franklin of Youngsown,BBush2 Ohio said; “Oh-my-God… Look at her butt. What in the hell is she doing here? She’s like a geriatric drunken bitch. How old is she anyway, 40?!” Tim LeFavre from Boston, MA said to our reporter; “Oh my lord… First of all, the pink scaf with a brown dress?! Are you kidding me? And check out that ‘back pocket’ action she got going on. Carryng around one beer isn’t enough – she’s gotta carry a second in the pocket of her dress.! What a little bitch.” Pete Schmidtz of Bel Aire, California was over heard laughing with his friends telling them that while he was “‘Boning da Jenna’…he met three of his football teammates and the school mascot” who’ve been missing for two years.

Celebrating their 25th birthday in Buenos Aires, Argentina – the United States Embassy asked the Royal Bush Twins to cut their trip short and leave the country. Citing “security concerns”, the Bush Twins heeded the advice, noting that if their Daddy doesn’t have to listen to the Iraqi Study Group, then they don’t have to listen to the Embassy. Manuel Ortiz Calderra de Jesus Barillo, a hotel bellhop said; “Si…It is not good the Bush Twins stay. The last time they were here, Rio de Jeneiro suffered a barage of scabies. It was like the plague of death.”

Mr. Barillo added; “We’ll take Nazi refugees in this country…But we won’t take Bush! Scabies is a serious business!”

Spears FannyBrittany Spears has begun to flash her “cooter” in an effort to draw attention to herself. Feeling left out with Southern White Trash’s decision to name the Bush Twins as “Prom Whores” for the 2008 election, Ms. Spears has been hanging out with the lobotomized and inebriated Paris Hilton, now that Nichole Richie is in rehab. Leaving her newborn children at home next to an open oven door set on 450, Brittney shaved her cooter, plucked her eyebrows, braided her armpits and bravely went out in a micro-mini skirt delighted by the “free and easy breezy” feeling under her skirt was heard saying; “Now I know how Marilyn Manson felt during that one scene on the sidewalk in that old black and white movie”.

Meanwhile, Mary Cheney is having a baby and nobody knowsHypocrite who’s the father. Mary Cheney, a lesbian in a long-term committed relationship, defied everything sacred with the Republican Party by deciding to have a baby and raise it without a Daddy. “We’re calling it our ‘little miracle’,” said Lynn Cheney, the Vice President’s wife who has 5 grandchildren already. “We know she doesn’t have a father-figure for her baby, but that’s okay. There are millions of babies born into single-parent homes and they turn out just fine!”

Finally, we are happy to bring you an exclusive testimony in regarding the Swiftboating that’s going on in Forest Lake, MN. Since the story first ran last week, we’ve been inundated with phone calls and media hype everywhere. The Comments section has become clogged and the WordPress people have complained about the overwhelming number of hits that they’ve had.

Ms XYZOne person who knows the “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” has come forward to offer her views on the topic. She initially has told the Fruit Fly News staffers that she wanted to remain anonymouse because she feared for her life. “Andy Meyers can be a real piece of work”, the source said. “But I want the world to know what’s going on in our fine town of Forest Lake.” For the purposes of anonymity, we will be calling our source; “Ms. XYZ”.

Ms. XYZ – thank you for joining us tonight! You must be very brave.

Oh thank you Frizzie. We all love you very much up here in Forest Lake.

How nice! Thank you for that. You say you know both Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson. Is that true?

“Up until last year I was somewhat friends of Andy for about 6 months until I figured out what a loon she is. Dawn Nelson lives in my neighborhood. Andy is most definately a whack job who lives in her own world or right and wrongs. Dawn and her are extremely close friends. The fact the this stupid city voted her to the Human rights board is beyond comprehension.”

Can you tell me, is this the first time Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson has tried these shenanigans before? It’s interesting that they’d pick on Stev Stegner by using teenaged girls and photography and…

What’s the most interesting is that this is not the first time Andy has caused trouble. Over a year ago she and a few of her teenage friends (she is about 22 by the way) set a local business owner up for statutory rape charges. Can you imagine the grief this bitch caused? The police investigated this and cleared the guy — he was out of town when this supposedly happened — in Andy’s apartment none the less. That wasn’t good enough for her though. She went to his local church on 11th Avenue and spread rumors and they ex-communicated him. This was a gentleman who from my understanding has been a huge financial support for the church. Boy would I lvoe to know what she said. It’s strange that she is a Jew but she goes to this church—which is not Jewish.

I don’t understand, why would this church let her…

And to top this all off Andy is spreading rumors at that same church that the people who live across the street are going through bankuptcy, losing their house, he is a wife beater and an alcoholic. Not one word of this is true and they at one time considered her a friend as well. If this is how she treats friends I would love to see what they she treats her enemies. Dumb bitch will cross paths with the wrong person some day.

What a piece of work! Tell me if you would; in the original St Paul Pioneer Press story, there were a couple of teenaged girls involved trying to set up Stev Stegner. Since she’s only 22 as you say, I can assume that the two girls were not her children. Can you tell me…

What’s really sad is she currently has custody of a 5 year old boy that has ADHD and a bunch of other things wrong with him. I’m not sure of the details but supposedly his teenage father lost custody and she stepped in out of the gracoiusness of her own heart (bullshit) to take care of him. I think she uses him to shoplift at the local Target. If she gets caught — what the heck — blame it on this poor little dumb <kid>. Obviously they would not arrest a retard. Too bad I don’t know the social worker or I would make sure he gets put into a better environment. I only know his name is Ryan.

Getting back to the who “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” team. Can you tell me more about this letter they wrote to the Forest Lake Times?

The letter you are talking is a “call to action” for the neighborhood to protest the selling of the land to the Duffy Development group. Dawn and Andy have been very vocal, organizing fund raiser activities for the Forest Lake Community Association (FLCA) and Mayor Terry Smith was their best buddy. He is quite creepy anyways but I’m sure they are loyal puppies to him and felt that had him in their pockets.

Unbelievable! And you mentioned that you’ve talked with the newly elected mayor Mr. Stev Stegner?!

On a side note I talked to Stev Stegner today and told him what I knew about her and to let him know that anyone who knows her is most likely extremely pissed off. He is not sure that the Forest Lake Human Rights Commission will look into this now that Dawn Nelson has been elected to the board. I would hope that the state one will step in and get involved. I feel very bad for his family and the kids who are in school. Thank goodness for the reporter who was smart enough to figure out the scam and turn the article around on making Andy look like the dumbass she really is.

Wow. I would have to admit, this is almost the worst case of “Swiftboating” I’ve ever heard. I’m stunned that Dawn Nelson and the current Mayor Smith don’t distance themselves out of fear of being investigated by the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Aprehension, if not by the Minnesota Human Rights Commission. Thank you very much for your input. Is there anything else you’d like to say?

She is the master of lies. When we met she said she had her veternarian degree and worked at the Raptor Center but she was ALWAYS wheeling around town. Supposedly her mom is a district attorney and her dad some holocaust survivor that is FBI or CIA? Would that make him in his 80’s? Lies Lies Lies.

Thank you again Ms. XYZ. We can only hope that, Social Services, Human Rights Commission or even the Minnesota BCA will get involved and put a stop to these right-wing nutjobs. I appreciate your insight, please visit us more often and I sincerely hope you have a great Holiday Season and a very Happy New Year.

Thank you, Frizzie. We love you up here in Forest Lake!!

Frizzie WarningAnd, that concludes this edition of Fruit Fly News. Where we are constantly keeping you up to date with the most rediculous and pathetic people in the United States. I think it’s obvious by today’s selection; we’ve had our best show ever! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.