Fruit Fly News: Who is Joey Oglesby?

Laura Bush SmokesHello, and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizze McBee.

Today, President Bush has increased troop levels in Iraq to an additional 3 million Americans. Calling it a “surge”, the President has stated; “Defeat is not an option, ‘cut and run’ is also not an option, and since nobody else has come up with a better option; it’s obvious that my ‘surge’ is the only viable option.”

Monkey SurgeDavid Gregory, from a less informative news channel called NBC, corrected the President’s suggestion that nobody else has come up with “a Plan” for Iraq. Mr. Gregory said;

“Mr. President, that’s patently untrue! The Democrats have produced a plan. In fact, Senators Joe Biden and Jack Reed have produced a plan as well as Congressman Jack Murtha! Senator Biden, as a matter of fact, has written extensively on the subject. Have you even looked at their plans?

President Bush cut him off and whined; “But I’m the Decisioner! And if I say there ain’t another plan out there: Then there truly is no other plan.

Joe BooshMr. Gregory, attempting to sound like a professional journalist was about to counter the President’s interruption when Senator Joe Lieberman suddenly appeared from behind President Bush looking disheveled and seemed to try and help the President pull his trousers back up. Senator Leibermann then turned to Mr. Gregory and said;

The other alternatives–the main alternative that the opponents of what the President has done are offering is to simply begin to withdraw. And the theory there is that somehow if you with– I mean some people want to withdraw because they just want to get out. They think the thing–They want to give up. They think the thing is not winnable. I’m afraid they don’t agree with me that the consequences of pulling out would be a disaster for everybody, including most important, us. But some say if you begin to withdraw, then Maliki and the other Iraqis will say ‘Oh, my God, they’re leaving. We got to get our act together. I don’t think so. I think what is more likely is that the Iraqi politicians will begin to hedge their bets, and the militias and the Al Qaeda terrorists will just hold back until the day we’re gone, and then chaos will break out, and unfortunately as McCain says, we’ll probably be back there in a larger war, you know, two, three, four, five years from now. I think this is our chance, so I’d guess I’d say to you in war–There’s a famous old saying that war is a series of catastrophes that ends up in victory for one side, and right now I’d say this plan is the best next step we’ve got. Let’s hope it works, pray it works, and if it doesn’t, then we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do then.

The Senator then dipped behind the President again, this time amid a flurry of kissing sounds.

In other news, the term “faggot” has become a media favorite for conservatives. With origins going back to the time of the witchcraft trials in the early 1200’s in Europe, usage of the derogatory term to reference gay and lesbians has become again for conservative pundits like Glenn Beck on CNN Headline News. In an odd turn of hypocracy, CNN allowed the usage of the derogatory name without hesitation, and yet – when Bill Mahr mentions that Ken Mehlman on Larry King Live, former chairman of the Republican National Convention might be gayCNN edited the transcript, the video which re-aired later in the week, removed the video from YouTube and sent out legal briefs to anybody who carried the uncensored version on their websites.

The word has become popular with “Jesus People” as well! Donnie Davies, a self-described “former homosexual” and “minister”, recently came out with a lively little tune about how much God’s love is regulated only to those who aren’t “a faggot”. According to Davies’ song, God hates faggots, and let’s face it: “It’s only a choice anyway”. Davies recorded the song made a video to go along with the song, and then uploaded it to YouTube, MySpace and Google Video. All three removed the video immediately, while YouTube has many spoofs of the original now posted in its place. Current TV, who’s parent corporation is Google, has run a pod-cast of their take on Donnie Davies, including information that you might not even know!

SimpsonsIn a historic moment heard around the world, Jesus Christ appeared in front of Donnie Davies and kicked his ass. Violence has broke out all over the world as a result, with people buying “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets and then beating up the clerk who rang up the purchase.

Last Saturday (Jan 27, 2007), Goddess-extrodinaire Pam of Pams House Blend discovered that Donnie Davies is not only a homophobe and an idiot, but he’s also an actor from the Dallas/Ft Worth metropolitan area. JoeyJoel Oglesby Oglesby has appeard on stage in shows like “Debbie Does Dallas, the Musical” and a comedy sketch troupe called “Chicken & Pickles Guys”. Obviously, these are shows that promote heterosexual lifestyles as “wonderful” if not a bit “fabulous”. *

On Friday (Jan 26th) the actor Joey Oglesby playing the part of Donnie Davies appeared again on YouTube to point out the pain he’s endured because people have laughed at him for being overweight. The short video opens with him talking excitedly about all of the attention his “God Hates a Fag” video has gotten and complains bitterly that it’s been removed from all of the popular video-websites. He then gets seriously upset because people have made fun of his weight. He finishes with jubilation on the love of Jesus Christ and says; “…But God hates you”.

No word yet whether Jesus Christ has re-appeared to kick his ass all over again.

Since the days of then House Majority Leader Dick Army called Congressman Barney Frank, “Barney Fag” on a radio show in 1995, conservatives have picked up on the word as media-magnet to attract attention to themselves. CNN isn’t alone in the debacle either. MSNBC enjoys the word so much, Chris Matthews pumped-up his penil implant when Ann Coulter said on his show that Al Gore was “a total fag” in July 06. Matthews, with his three inch puptent showing, excitedly promised his viewers to have her on the show again.

Bush and DickExpecting a word of caution to come from “Dr” Laura Schlessinger to point out what happened when she called gays and lesbians a “biological error”, nothing has been heard from her or her Rabbi.

That’s all there is for Fruit Fly News. We thank you for tuning in! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night!

* Fruit Fly News network has tried to contact Pam at Pams House Blend to get her the unedited and uncensored version of the video that hasn’t been ripped down. However, her system requires that we “open an account” to even speak on her blog. Since there are so many accounts created already, one would simply give up and let her find it on her own.

Bad Bugs that Bite Back

Frizzie DickHello and good evening. Welcome to Fruit Fly News, I’m Frizzie McBee.

HIV2Scientists have discovered an “off-switch” for the HIV virus. This astounding newly developed research looks at a genetic approach to return the HIV virus into a dormant state, rendering it useless.

Princeton scientists Leor Weinberger and Thomas Shenk hope their work will illuminate the processes by which human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and other viruses transition into dormant phases in their hosts. The researchers have discovered a specific genetic trigger that makes HIV fall into its latent phase, where the virus essentially hibernates, relatively harmlessly, but awaiting an opportunity to re-emerge and wreak havoc.

This brings a great deal of hope to millions, if not billions of people throughout the world. The group who seem to be the most excited are the gay men everywhere throughout the United States. For more on this, we go to Don Klooondike who is attending Chicago’s world famous Gay Pride Parade. Don?

Don KlooondikeThanks Frizzie! Yes, these gay men are certainly thrilled by this news. Their biggest thrill is knowing that once again they’ll be able to us public restrooms again. You may recall Frizzie, that when “the gays” developed this viral-bomb in order to murder all straight men who were hanging out in public restrooms, gays were banned from these facilities. Since gays were giving their horrible disease to straight men via toilet seats or simply having sex with God fearing heterosexual husbands and fathers, laws were passed under President Ronald Reagan to ban “the gays” from public restrooms. Since these laws were passed, “the gays” had to “relieve” themselves in bushes behind roadside rests, or roam aimlessly through city parks at night looking for a spot to do their business alone!

GAy RestroomBut, with this new scientific breakthrough, “the gays” will be allowed once again to use public restrooms. Heterosexual men, regardless how much they love Jesus, will be able to have sex with them in these facilities without leaving in fear of contracting the disease. Heterosexual God Fearing men will also be able to ignore those pesky seat-liners on their bathroom stalls, knowing that if they contract the HIV from “the gays”, there is a way to make the virus dormant. It’s really exciting news forTroop Movement everyone. Back to you Frizzie!

Thanks Don! Some interesting times ahead, aren’t there?

In other news, GW Bush has asked for an addition 321 million troops to be deployed to Iraq.

Realizing that this number includes the entire population of America, Bush explains that this will be his final “surge” to secure Bhagdad. Quoting the President:

We can’t just cut and run from Bhagdad. These Iraqi people have shown that they love Americans and to simply abandon them would be sending the wrong message. We have made course corrections in the past and we will continue to make course corrections until we can leave Iraq as a safe and secure democracy, oil wells are producing 100% capacity and the country is completely free of any nare-do well.

President Bush has also asked the American people for a $1 billion jobs program for Iraqi men and women. When asked if anybody from New Orleans was consulted about this program, President Bush simply said; “Huh? We done fixed New Orleeens, and there ain’t nuthin left to fix.”

And finally tonight, Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) was caught in a fist fight with junior lightweight Congressman Patrick McHenry (R-NC). Congressman McHenry, oblivious of the House rules on introducing legislation, asked far too many question, far too many times and eventually became far too annoying.Barney Frank

Congressman Frank, chairing a committee hearing, insisted McHenry be quiet and understand House rules and how they are to be followed. Since the Republicans have ignored the House rules for the past 12 years and simply conducted the House of Representatives as a free-for-all, Congressman McHenry became upset because he didn’t know these rules existed nor what the rules were! Congressman McHenry, after being shouted down nine times by Congressman Frank finally stormed the podium and a fist fight erupted. Congressman Frank, taking off a stilhetto heel poked McHenry in the eye repeatedly until he began to cry.

After the fight broke up, Congressman Frank was heard in echos of hallways saying; “Dats right bee-yotch! And I’ll use the Men’s Room infrizzie elections the House anytime I want to, and I’ll have sex with any heterosexual man whenever  want, as well!”

I’m Frizzie McBee this has been  another edition of Fruit Fly News.