Larry Craig: Caught in the Bathroom again! (Well, sort of…)

larry craig stallThis deserves no explanation – the joke writes itself. From The Hill:

While reporters were hovering outside a Capitol Hill conclave of the Michigan and Florida delegations last Wednesday night, Rep. Neil Abercrombie (D-Hawaii) just happened to come by to use the restroom, which he did.housefly

But when he emerged, flashing lights surprised him as several cameramen pointed their lenses at Abercrombie. They had been given instructions to shoot any live bodies they could see.

Being from Hawaii, Abercrombie doesn’t have a dog in the Michigan-Florida delegation fight, but there he was, caught in the glare of the cameras like the proverbial deer in the headlights.

Momentarily stunned by the three cameras staring him in the face, Abercrombie decided to have a little Aloha State fun when he looked back toward the restroom and shouted:

“Come on, Larry, it’s all over!”FruitFly

To be clear, there was no one else in the restroom at the time, including Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) — the obvious Larry in question.

Summer Intern “Jobs” Available: Only GOP College Students Need to Apply

Larry Craig ad

WASHINGTON DC: Idaho Senator Larry Craig is currently seeking naked male summer interns for the summer term which runs from summer to fall. The deadline for the position ends on March 15th, however extensions will be offered if applicants are willing to meet the Senator in any designated restrooms for the asking. Preference is given to Idaho male applicants attending Idaho schools who are in their junior or senior years of college (including graduating seniors and football quarterbacks).

“Interns have the chance to be an essential part of a working congressional orgy office,” said Craig. “They participate in the legislative process as well as ensure that constituent services run smoothly. For those interested in politics, it is an incredible opportunity to get a behind-the-scenes look at how our government functions while serving the people of Idaho.”

Interns are paired with other hot staff members based on package size, body build, over all hotness and discretion experience and interests, in order to best utilize their sexual talents. They are also expected to fulfill the Senator’s sexual appetite some administrative duties such as answering phones, sorting email and greeting constituents.

Applications are more information about the internship program are available on Craig’s website at http://www.youporn.com or at any of Craig’s six regional offices in Coeur d’Alene, Lewiston, Boise, Twin Falls, Pocatello and Idaho Falls. It is recommended that applications be delivered personally to the regional offices for obvious reasons. Applications can be mailed, but delays are likely due to heightened security measures for Senate mail. Mailed applications should be directed to:

Office of Senator Larry Craig

Attn: Internship Program

United States Senate

Washington, DC 20510-1203

(202) 224-2752

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FruitFly

McCain’s AZ Co-Chair Rick Renzi Indicted: This time, It Wasn’t For Toilet Sex

McCain TalosianThe Huffington Post has reported less than an hour ago, Arizona Congress- man Rick Renzi has been indicted for extortion, money laundering, wire fraud among others. Congressman Renzi (R-AZ) also serves as the Arizona co-chair for John McCain’s campaign for President of the United States.

Rick RenziSays the Huffington Post:

The charges boil down to this, basically. Renzi is charged with doing everything he can as a congressman to strong-arm others into buying land from his buddy James Sandlin — Sandlin then allegedly kicked back sizable chunks of cash back to Renzi in a series of complicated financial transactions (thus the money laundering charge). The main details of these charges were reported by the Arizona papers and The Wall Street Journal last year.

The entire indictment can be read here.

Renzi stepped down from his position on the House Intelligence Committee on April 20th in 2007 after his business and house was raided by the FBI and several documents were removed. Said the Congressman when he had heard about the raid:

“Today, the FBI came to my family’s business to obtain documents related to their investigation,” Renzi said. “I view these actions as the first step in bringing out the truth. Until this matter is resolved, I will take a leave of absence from the House Intelligence Committee. I intend to fully cooperate with this investigation.”

Senator McCain, apathetically decided Congressman Renzi was still the best crook man to chair his presidential campaign anyway and made him a co-chair in his home state of Arizona.

This news comes on the heels of just two days ago when it was implied by the New York Times that Senator McCain had an unsually, and perhaps a sexual relationship, with the powerful telecom lobbyist, Vicki Iseman.

A female lobbyist had been turning up with him at fund-raisers, visiting his offices and accompanying him on a client’s corporate jet. Convinced the relationship had become romantic, some of his top advisers intervened to protect the candidate from himself — instructing staff members to block the woman’s access, privately warning her away and repeatedly confronting him, several people involved in the campaign said on the condition of anonymity.

Senator McCain denied the charges and his staff whined about “the liberal press”.

bob allenIn July of 2007, Senator McCain’s Florida campaign co-chair, state representative Bob Allen (R-FL), was arrested for solicitation of sex in a men’s public restroom in Titusville, FL where he was offering $20.00 for the opportunity to perform the sex act.

Allen was considered to be acting suspicious by police as he entered and exited the men’s room three times, according to a Titusville Police report. Moments later, he approached the plainclothes officer and offered to perform oral sex for $20, police said.

GAy RestroomBob Allen, a long time champion of Anti-Gay Rights in Florida plead not guilty, paid the $500 bail and then said to the press:

“I am filing a not guilty plea. I am vigorously going to fight this,” he said. “I am not resigning my office, because the people elected me [and] want me to do a good job and I am going to do a good job for them in finishing this term. ..

Representative Allen’s arrested record can be found by clicking here.

Allen’s rational, when he was arrested, stated that he made the offer because:

In describing an incident where he was arrested for soliciting prostitution, the representative commented that he was afraid a “stocky black man” was going to rob him.

Meaning of course; “If you’re in the public toilet and a “stocky black man” comes in, you should offer to perform oral sex on him and give him a twenty-dollar bill as a bribe in exchange for your life, or at a minimum – your wallet.” Lest we all forget, this man proudly promoted anti-gay legislation and championed the idea that GLBT citizens lacked good “American family values”. Representative Allen later apologized rather stupidly to the Florida NAACP by saying:

“Are you ducking into a class warfare, race warfare scenario? Are you trying to pit the two together? If that sensitivity has been crossed that’s defiantly something I’d apologize for,” Allen said.

During the trial, the jury was taken to the Titusville park where he was arrested and were given a tour of the mens room before they found him guilty. Which is interesting, because he didn’t offer any of the jury members twenty dollars to suck their members during the tour.

McKeeThis breaking news about Rick Renzi comes only a week after it was revealed that state delegate Robert A. McKee (R-MD) had his Hagarstown home searched by the FBI where they found child pornography. No word has come in on whether or not McKee had anything to do with John McCain’s presidential campaign in Maryland.FruitFly 6 But of course, I never even bothered to try to find out. It’s an easy assumption that he did.

Larry Craig Wastes more Minnesota Taxpayer’s Money

Larry Craig FunniesHow much time and money does the Minnesota taxpayer have to waste on Republican Larry Craig’s “Adventures in Potty Land?” His legal team has filed yet another appeals in the Minnesota courts system hoping they’ll eventually get a Pawlenty R-Gov MN) appointed judge. Craig’s team has decided to split pubic hairs with Minnesota law:

An appeals brief filed Tuesday contends that Minnesota’s disorderly conduct law “requires that the conduct at issue have a tendency to alarm or anger ‘others'” — underscoring the plural nature of the term.

Craig’s brief goes on to cite other convictions that were overturned because the multiple-victim test wasn’t met. His lawyers apply the same logic to his case.

His attorneys have also argued that Craig’s actions only affected the police officer (who of course, is irrelevant in this case). And since the statute requires to offend others, Craig’s actions shouldn’t be considered a crime.

“Appellant’s alleged conduct in this case affected only a single individual — Sergeant Karsnia,” the Craig brief says. “It did not — and could not affect ‘others’ as the disorderly conduct statute requires, and therefore, does not satisfy that element of the statute.”

But wait! There’s more!

Sergeant Karsnia doesn’t count as a party to the crime that would be regarded as “offended”.

You might say; “You’re kidding Fruit! Why?”

…Let me tell you why!!

The brief also argues that Karsnia himself could not have been offended by the alleged conduct because “he invited it.” The alleged conduct, Craig’s lawyers added, doesn’t rise to the level of being “offensive, obscene, abusive, boisterous or noisy.”

You’d probably say: “That’s stupid! That’s an insult to our own ‘Boys in Blue!’ How dare this Idaho Pervert insult our officers here in Minnesota!!?!”

But wait! There’s more!

What about that hand-gesture underneath the stall’s separating wall? He reaches over with his left hand under the wall on his right-hand side and holds his hand out hoping to masturbate his bathroom neighbor? It turns out – that’s now considered “free speech”!!free speech

Besides attacking the law he was prosecuted under, Craig’s legal team argues that the hand signal allegedly used to communicate a desire to engage in sexual conduct would be constitutionally protected speech. They also say the plea is technically flawed because it lacked a judicial signature.

Huh!! Ain’t that sumpin’?! All these years, I’ve been told that burning the American flag was protected free speech! And to think all of those times I got arrested slutting on Bare-Assed Beach along the Mississippi River…All I had to do is tell the judge that I was exercising my Constitutionally protected free speach!

FruitFly 6All of this puzzles me why Minnesota Republicans aren’t bitching about the wasted taxpayer spending here in Minnesota. They didn’t say much when they wasted $57 million investigating Clinton either!

One day Suzanne Craig will get smart and have an AIDS test too.