MRE: MICHELE BACHMAN DESTROYS THE GOP!!!

Poor Michele… She just can’t feel Jesus’ love inside the GOP anymore. After running her mouth off on Hardball with Chris Matthews saying she thought Obama had “anti-American sentiments” and then called for the liberal media to investigate members of Congress for suspicions of “anti-American sentiments”, she’s seemed to have discovered “anti-Bachmann sentiments” coming out of the leadership of her own Republican Party.

First up: the NRCC. Headed by Tom Cole (R-OK CD#4). The National Republican Congressional Committee has apparently decided that Michele Bachmann has become such a liability that they’ve cut off all advertising funds for her campaign.

Ouch! It’s pretty well decided: Michele Bachmann’s hate-mongering mouth is not a course of action that the GOP Leadership wants to invest into…

Compare and Contrast: Fox News dumps Michelle Malkin for being a crazy hate-monger – the NRCC dumps Michele Bachmann for being the exact.same.thing.

From Politico:

The NRCC had reserved time on behalf of Bachmann in early October, but the money had yet to flow to her district. She was not among the beneficiaries of a rush of new independent expenditures the committee made in the past two days.

Pitchforks and the Torches have gathered in downtown Republicanville and they are none too pleased. In a more accurate word-choice: “They’re mad as Hell and they’re not going to take it anymore!!

Conservative Republican (The Pitchfork Family) Amanda Carpenter over at Townhall whined about the situation. Ms. Carpenter wrote with her Crying Towel nearby:

So what does the NRCC do when the going gets tough for Bachmann? They get going. Far, far away from her.

Apparently, since the NRCC didn’t run up and give bat-shit-crazy Michele Bachmann a giant squeezy-hug and then shove a giant sunflower into her machine-gun mouth… Ms Carpenter feels “left out”. Somebody must have decided that losing General Colin Powell to the Democrats was a bigger loss than losing Michele “I Love GWB” Bachmann and finally… Dumped her!

Editor-in-Chief Erik Erikson, a proud member of the Torch Family, whipped out the big stick from out of his ass and called Tom Cole (R-OK) a douchebag!

Let’s just call Tom Cole (R-OK), the head of the NRCC, what he is: a douchebag.

Erickson seems to be a wee upset, but manages to continue..:

Now, in the height of all douchebaggery, he has pulled all funding from Michelle Bachmann’s very winnable race in Minnesota, in which she is presently leading, though not by a great deal.

Why? Because Bachmann had the nerve to point out Obama pals around with anti-American domestic terrorists and other unsavory characters, i.e. she’s echoed Sarah Palin.

…Just a wee-bit pissed off? Earth To Erickson! Michele Bachmann spells her name with only one “L”…Not Two!! Earth to Erickson… Hello?!? Hello?!?!? Oh crap… Houston1 We’ve lost contact with Erickk Erickkson!!

And then… Erickson whips out his own Crying Towel:

But that’s okay. Apparently we have Republicans to spare.

Sarcasm! I like it!! Pouting?! Hrmm… Not so much.

The folks at Redstate run back to Update the original by clarifying to their guppy-headed faithful on why they’re so upset: They’re mad at Tom Cole for pulling the Bachmann support-ads!!

For perspective, Tom Cole has been sending money to Don Young in Alaska. So attacking the Democrats is unacceptable to Tom Cole, but taint and corruption is perfectly fine.

You still upset I called him a douchebag?

For those who are unaware of what he’s blabbering about, I’ll try to explain…

Alaskan Congresscreature Don Young is under investigation for earmarking $10million dollars to Florida to build/improve a road for one of his major campaign contributers. It’s a nasty story…read it here, here, and here.

Placed into context: (Republican) Redstate Editor-in-Chief, Erik Erickson is complaining that Tom Cole (R-OK), Chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee, will support (Heterosexual) Alaskan Congresscreature Don Young…but he won’t support Minnesota Congresscreature Michele Bachmann because she’s crazier than cow-snot on a barbed-wire fence. And, since watch-dog group CREW (Citizens for Responsibility for Ethics in Washington) has declared Don Young their MOST CORRUPT member in Washington, then it’s obvious — Tom Cole (R-OK) is a douchebag.

Get it?! The Pitchforks and the Torches within Republicanville are demanding the heads of their own Mayors, Dukes and Grand Wizards for doing what they should have done two years ago: They DUMPED BACHMANN!

Ugh!! In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West as she melted away…What a world…what a world….

Minnesota local-yokel Republican, Andy Aplikowski (another Pitchfork) has his Crying Towel front-and-center.

Andy weeps:

I am just absolutely amazed at how far NBC is willing to go to cover up for their hack journalists like Chris Matthews.

Like Joe the Plumber, now Michele Bachmann has been more vetted by the mainstream media than Barrack Obama.

And seriously, they dug up Nick Coleman for this one?
I certainly hope the Republican Party of Minnesota is going to get involved now. Pawlenty threw Bachmann under the bus yesterday and I haven’t heard a single peep from Ron Carey. Let’s not forget that Carey is a constituent of Bachmann’s.

The full scale media attack to destroy Bachmann and twist her words is unreprehensible.

Awww… tsk tsk tsk… Poor Andy… He’s got an Idiot in Congressional Representation, and now that the National Republican Congressional Campaign has dumped her, he’s just going full-tilt with a wide-range on allegations:

  • Chris Mattews is an “NBC Hack”?!
  • NBC is “covering-up” for Matthews?!

Excuse me?!

Dear Andy Apilowski:

Chris Matthews is a “hack”?!

Are you serious?! …Or are you really that “new”?!

Seriously. I recall Chris Matthews booty-smooches GOP Crooks like Tom Delay (R-TX Jail Time) while yucking it up while off the air!!

Are you really that New?!?! Matthews is a “hack” because your Bachmann is that stupid and the GOP is now finding that out?!?”

Mr. Apilowski — Chris Matthews has been your best friend in Media – perhaps you’re the Hack-Job here and Michele Bachmann is the Wack-Job over there in DC!

Sincerely,

Fruit F. Fly

Why can’t these Republicans taken responsibility for themselves?! It’s unbelievable!!

Okay all you cry-babies out there… Let’s let the “Mighty Fruit Fly” resolve the dispute for you. Let’s run over to the original transcript and read verbatim what Congresscreature Michele Bachmann said…Exactly

Transcript from the Federal News Service

MATTHEWS: So this is a character issue. You believe that Barack Obama may — you’re suspicious because of this relationship — may have anti-American views. Otherwise it’s probably irrelevant to this discussion.

REP. BACHMANN: Absolutely.

MR. MATTHEWS: So you believe it brings into —

REP. BACHMANN: I absolutely —

MR. MATTHEWS: So you believe that Barack Obama may have anti- American views.

REP. BACHMANN: Absolutely. I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views. That’s what the American people are concerned about. That’s why they want to know what his answers are. That’s why Joe the plumber has figured so highly in the last few days —

Anything in there that appears like it was as cover-up?! Mr. Apilowski!?! Are you paying attention?!? Did your crazy Congresscreature say those words or did she not?!?!

And about the leaders in Congress? Bachmann says:

MR. MATTHEWS: What about people like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, the liberals you were mentioning a moment ago? Where would you put them? Would you consider them anti-American as well?

REP. BACHMANN: I would consider them to have —

MR. MATTHEWS: Are they anti-American?

REP. BACHMANN: — far leftist views. I’m not going to say that they’re anti-American or pro-American.

MR. MATTHEWS: The speaker of the House is —

REP. BACHMANN: I will say the speaker —

So – Nancy Pilosi! Bachmann’s apparently not too sure about Senate Majority Leader Harry Ried… But Speaker of the House, Nancy Pilosi – she’s definitely got some of that “anti-American sentiments” in her. (I’m guessing it’s because Nancy PIlosi’s district is in that “Gay Area” known as San Francisco?!)

And what about the rest of the members of Congress?!

MR. MATTHEWS: Well, he’s a United States senator from Illinois. He’s one of the people you suspect as being anti-American. How many people in the Congress of the United States do you think are anti- American? You’ve already suspected Barack Obama. Is he alone, or are there others? How many do you suspect of your colleagues as being anti-American?

REP. BACHMANN: What I would say — what I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that.

She’s a crazy person, you Goofs!!!

Michele Bachmann is nuttier than standing on Cashew Corner in Walnut Grove chewin’ on a Salted Nut Roll!

She’s the Acorn…with extra corn!!

Sheeshe!!

I have a question:

Why does Alaska’s governor, Sarah Palin’s husband Todd Palin get a free-pass on this subject of “Anti-American Sentiments”?!

Alaska’s First Dude belonged to a secessionist movement up there in Wasilla called the “Alaska Independence Party”. Todd Palin would be thrilled to personally rip a star off the American flag at any opportunity by declaring Alaska separate from the United States. And yet; It’s the liberals in congress who are publicly accused on MSNBC with (Pitchfork) Chris Matthews by Minnesota’s Congresscreature Michele Bachmann, but Secessionists who hate America are ignored without regard

The Republican Vice Presidential Candidate applauds those who’ll happily denounce their citizenry of the United States – And that’s ignored. But, being a liberal from San Francisco will get you accused publicly on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews.

Stay tuned for more on this horrifying story!!! Coming up soon: MIchele Bachmann hate’s Jesus and His Children by supporting Anti-Christian Petters’ fund-raiser Frank Vennes!!!

Iowegians goes to Caucus

alice-goes-to-caucus.jpgIt’s the Iowa Caucus, everybody!! Have you heard?! It’s the Iowa Caucus! It’s finally here! Finish up with the milking, get those chickens fed, let’s head on into town and let’s do some caucusing!!!

Not so fast you Republicans… You guys have a whole lot less to be thrilled about. Apparently, the Mormon Church’s “Dialing For Mittens” campaign is having an opposite reaction to the expected. Romney’s white-shirt-black-tie Dailing Army has become so annoying, Republicans are leaving the party campaign and voting for Obama instead!

One interesting item: Republican turnout calls are picking up Obama supporters on Republican caucus-goers lists. There is going to be a good government/reform vote for Obama crossing over from outside the usual Dem base; especially moderate GOP women. I’ve predicted an Obama Iowa win for a year and I am more confident than ever now. The difference is most local Iowa operatives of both parties now seem to think it’ll be Obama as well.

Richelieu goes on with the painful truth:

The Huckabee versus Romney race is very tight. Caucus turnout could be low; under 78,000 and that would help Huckabee. The crossover for Obama hurts a regular Republican like Romney who needs all the non-Christian conservative votes he can get. No doubt Romney has gained a tremendous amount in last 30 days, but it may not be enough. Mitt’s troops in eastern Iowa are confident and feel they dominate. Operatives in west Iowa and Polk county are far more worried.

Aww…Tough break for the Republicans!!! When the conservatives in big media are chewin’ their nails, it doesn’t seem to be a Blue Red Ribbon season for the Republicans! (Should have thought off all that when they swiped our Habeas Corpus and urinated on our Constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy!)

Even Andrew Sullivan, America’s most famous gay conservative, has a cute little story of an Iowegian lass who flips over the Big “O”:

I am a 31 year old single, professional female, and Iowa native living in Iowa City. I will be a first-time caucus goer tonight. I switched my affiliation from Republican to Democrat only a couple months ago. After many months of being drowned in candidates here in Iowa (I think we ceased having real commercials on TV about a week ago, its been nothing but back-to-back political ads for days), I fully expected to feel relief that this day was finally here. More because I knew tomorrow all the incessant phone calls would stop (Mitt Romney’s campaign called once while I was listening to Obama speak) and life could get back to normal.

I was really surprised to find that when I woke up this morning and saw “Caucus” written on my calendar for today, I was actually excited. Excited to get to participate tonight. Excited when I came to work and found a decorated “O” cookie on my desk from a co-worker. Very excited to be among the very first in the nation to cast a vote for Barack Obama. The only other time I’ve ever been excited or optimistic about a candidate was for John McCain back in 1996, during his plaid shirt days, but even then I wasn’t motivated enough to caucus.asses of evil

And while Republican ooze channels its way through Iowa’s back roads and logging trails, the vaporous stench of corruption is leaking through the doors and crannies into the one room school houses where Republican caucusing takes place. The Brad Blog and Black Box Voting are stumping for attention on a few important messages:

The Iowa Republicans have NOT publicly agreed to promptly release precinct results for the Jan. 3 caucus. Instead, we are seeing bait and switch tactics, as they emphasize to caucus participants that the counting will be done in public at the precinct. While they keep your eye focused on the front end,housefly a switch can take place at the back end. When they release a total result to the media without releasing the individual precinct results at the same time, there is no way at all for citizens to confirm that their precinct results added up to the announced total.

Please CONTACT both the Iowa Republican Party and the Iowa Secretary of State to tell them you expect to see those precinct results published at the SAME time they announce the statewide total. Iowa Republican Party: (515) 282-8105 Iowa Secretary of State: 515-281-0145
515-281-7142 (Fax) sos@sos.state.ia.usGiuliani Smackdown

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking too: “The Republicans are so corrupt, they’ll infiltrate their own caucuses.”

Rotten Rudy Giuliani’s campaign is quickly becoming the laughing stock of the entire Gee-oh-Peee. When everybody thought it was that Arkansas Governor-slash-Jesus-Idiot who ditched Iowegians last night to be on Jay Leno and scab the Writers picket-line who would be the biggest joke, Giuliani simply ditcheds the entire state!! John Marshall says it best (via Crooks and Liars):

In Iowa, where admittedly Rudy hasn’t made much of a run at it, he now appears on track to come in last place among the major candidates. And, to be clear, I’m here defining ‘major’ rather generously as including Ron Paul. In other words, sixth place.

In New Hampshire, Rudy is similarly dropping like a stone. He may still come in third ahead of Mike Huckabee, though they now seem to be roughly tied there.

Nationally, Rudy appears either tied with Huckabee or in a three or four way tie with Huckabee, Romney and McCain, depending on which of the very most recent polls you look at. And expect that number (to borrow the Army aphorism) not to survive first contact with his drubbing in Iowa and New Hampshire.

tsk tsk… Poor Rudy! By the time his buddy Bernard Kerik appears in court to stand trial for being a Major Douche-bag – His race will be..will be… Hell – it’ll be a bigger laughing stock than Alan Keyes’ ehem…”Presidential Campaign”. Black Garbage Fly Says the Carpet Bagger Report of the Rudy and the Iowa Republican caucus goers:

Then, of course, Republicans got a good look at the guy, heard what he had to say, learned about Giuliani’s background, and dropped him like a hot potato. His campaign pulled out of the Ames straw poll, and Giuliani’s support in the state has been in free-fall ever since.

Fred Thompson…And Fredrick of Hollywood Thompson’s campaign? How’s he been doing? Well, when they’re not leaving his campaign and giving him the finger, his campaign staffers are emailing GOP mooks everywhere and asking them to write letters to friends and family to vote for Thompson. (Because he’s way too tired to write each and every letter himself!) Presumably that Republican political activists are far too stupid to write a letter of support for Thompson’s campaign, his campaign staffers offer tips on how to write a letter, and some brilliant ideas to include in the body of the letter.

1. Write 5 or more brief note cards telling an Iowa voter why Fred was a wonderful Senator and why he will make a great President. Many Tennesseans have a personal story to share. Or, if you prefer, use one of the talking points listed below.

2. Suggested greeting: “Dear Friend” or “Dear Fellow Republican.”

3. Suggested closing:

I hope that when you make your important decision, you’ll realize, as I have, that Fred Thompson deserves your vote. Unlike some candidates, he’s a consistent conservative. He was a conservative when he represented me in Tennessee. He’s a conservative today. And he’ll be a conservative as President.

Oooo… It just warms the cauculs of my soul! I’m going to find my No. 2 pencil and my wide-margin tablet and get to work right now!

…And to think about the time when Chris Matthews goes on his show and gushes about how “sexy” Fred Thompson by imagining he smells like Old Spice and hot-Daddy musk oil. It makes you want to laugh until you accidentally leak out a little pee in your bloomers.

houseflyBut the best is for the last (of course!). And that’s when the founders of RedState, one of the Republican’s most popular blog, beats the shit out of the entire GOP line-up…Literally.

First: I have withheld any statement of support for any GOP Presidential candidate because it seemed like bad idea, as a Director of the site, to make such an endorsement, and — God, how I’ve waited to say this — because the whole damned lot can go to Hell. What an incompetent mass of horse rear-flesh bound up in what, on paper, is one of the most talented groups the GOP has ever had. I could go on, but the full thing is in my concurrently posted piece, And the horses you all rode in on, one at a time, then rotate.

Red State founder Thomas demonstrates that he holds a special “fondness” for Mittens Romney with this:

His freaking political campaign is a cult, and I could have been one of his supporters but for the cult he founded. A pox on everyone formally associated with the campaign, and indeed, everyone ever formally associated with that cult.

And he illustrates his “love” with this fabulous little nugget:

And yet, we’re probably stuck with you, because of the incredible incompetence of your opponents. On the Wonder Years, an otherwise awful and highly forgettable show, the narrator once noted that his parents faced a conundrum when deciding how to decorate the kitchen. Dad would insist on some tile he liked. Mom would insist on some tile she liked. They’d compromise on some tile no one in our species liked.

You are that tile, Mitt. You are the “Eh,” Candidate. Congratulations.

I just can’t catch my breath from laughing so hard. I think I’ve got some milk coming through my nose… That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard a Republican say or write in years!FruitFly 6

So get on out there Iowa!! Get those barns cleaned out, get those cows milked and somebody get those eggs picked! Get on your best gingham (blue if your a Democrat and red if your an Idiot), get that wagon hitched and go get Caucused!!!

Fruit Fly News: Who is Joey Oglesby?

Laura Bush SmokesHello, and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizze McBee.

Today, President Bush has increased troop levels in Iraq to an additional 3 million Americans. Calling it a “surge”, the President has stated; “Defeat is not an option, ‘cut and run’ is also not an option, and since nobody else has come up with a better option; it’s obvious that my ‘surge’ is the only viable option.”

Monkey SurgeDavid Gregory, from a less informative news channel called NBC, corrected the President’s suggestion that nobody else has come up with “a Plan” for Iraq. Mr. Gregory said;

“Mr. President, that’s patently untrue! The Democrats have produced a plan. In fact, Senators Joe Biden and Jack Reed have produced a plan as well as Congressman Jack Murtha! Senator Biden, as a matter of fact, has written extensively on the subject. Have you even looked at their plans?

President Bush cut him off and whined; “But I’m the Decisioner! And if I say there ain’t another plan out there: Then there truly is no other plan.

Joe BooshMr. Gregory, attempting to sound like a professional journalist was about to counter the President’s interruption when Senator Joe Lieberman suddenly appeared from behind President Bush looking disheveled and seemed to try and help the President pull his trousers back up. Senator Leibermann then turned to Mr. Gregory and said;

The other alternatives–the main alternative that the opponents of what the President has done are offering is to simply begin to withdraw. And the theory there is that somehow if you with– I mean some people want to withdraw because they just want to get out. They think the thing–They want to give up. They think the thing is not winnable. I’m afraid they don’t agree with me that the consequences of pulling out would be a disaster for everybody, including most important, us. But some say if you begin to withdraw, then Maliki and the other Iraqis will say ‘Oh, my God, they’re leaving. We got to get our act together. I don’t think so. I think what is more likely is that the Iraqi politicians will begin to hedge their bets, and the militias and the Al Qaeda terrorists will just hold back until the day we’re gone, and then chaos will break out, and unfortunately as McCain says, we’ll probably be back there in a larger war, you know, two, three, four, five years from now. I think this is our chance, so I’d guess I’d say to you in war–There’s a famous old saying that war is a series of catastrophes that ends up in victory for one side, and right now I’d say this plan is the best next step we’ve got. Let’s hope it works, pray it works, and if it doesn’t, then we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do then.

The Senator then dipped behind the President again, this time amid a flurry of kissing sounds.

In other news, the term “faggot” has become a media favorite for conservatives. With origins going back to the time of the witchcraft trials in the early 1200’s in Europe, usage of the derogatory term to reference gay and lesbians has become again for conservative pundits like Glenn Beck on CNN Headline News. In an odd turn of hypocracy, CNN allowed the usage of the derogatory name without hesitation, and yet – when Bill Mahr mentions that Ken Mehlman on Larry King Live, former chairman of the Republican National Convention might be gayCNN edited the transcript, the video which re-aired later in the week, removed the video from YouTube and sent out legal briefs to anybody who carried the uncensored version on their websites.

The word has become popular with “Jesus People” as well! Donnie Davies, a self-described “former homosexual” and “minister”, recently came out with a lively little tune about how much God’s love is regulated only to those who aren’t “a faggot”. According to Davies’ song, God hates faggots, and let’s face it: “It’s only a choice anyway”. Davies recorded the song made a video to go along with the song, and then uploaded it to YouTube, MySpace and Google Video. All three removed the video immediately, while YouTube has many spoofs of the original now posted in its place. Current TV, who’s parent corporation is Google, has run a pod-cast of their take on Donnie Davies, including information that you might not even know!

SimpsonsIn a historic moment heard around the world, Jesus Christ appeared in front of Donnie Davies and kicked his ass. Violence has broke out all over the world as a result, with people buying “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets and then beating up the clerk who rang up the purchase.

Last Saturday (Jan 27, 2007), Goddess-extrodinaire Pam of Pams House Blend discovered that Donnie Davies is not only a homophobe and an idiot, but he’s also an actor from the Dallas/Ft Worth metropolitan area. JoeyJoel Oglesby Oglesby has appeard on stage in shows like “Debbie Does Dallas, the Musical” and a comedy sketch troupe called “Chicken & Pickles Guys”. Obviously, these are shows that promote heterosexual lifestyles as “wonderful” if not a bit “fabulous”. *

On Friday (Jan 26th) the actor Joey Oglesby playing the part of Donnie Davies appeared again on YouTube to point out the pain he’s endured because people have laughed at him for being overweight. The short video opens with him talking excitedly about all of the attention his “God Hates a Fag” video has gotten and complains bitterly that it’s been removed from all of the popular video-websites. He then gets seriously upset because people have made fun of his weight. He finishes with jubilation on the love of Jesus Christ and says; “…But God hates you”.

No word yet whether Jesus Christ has re-appeared to kick his ass all over again.

Since the days of then House Majority Leader Dick Army called Congressman Barney Frank, “Barney Fag” on a radio show in 1995, conservatives have picked up on the word as media-magnet to attract attention to themselves. CNN isn’t alone in the debacle either. MSNBC enjoys the word so much, Chris Matthews pumped-up his penil implant when Ann Coulter said on his show that Al Gore was “a total fag” in July 06. Matthews, with his three inch puptent showing, excitedly promised his viewers to have her on the show again.

Bush and DickExpecting a word of caution to come from “Dr” Laura Schlessinger to point out what happened when she called gays and lesbians a “biological error”, nothing has been heard from her or her Rabbi.

That’s all there is for Fruit Fly News. We thank you for tuning in! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night!

* Fruit Fly News network has tried to contact Pam at Pams House Blend to get her the unedited and uncensored version of the video that hasn’t been ripped down. However, her system requires that we “open an account” to even speak on her blog. Since there are so many accounts created already, one would simply give up and let her find it on her own.