Fresh Fruit: The State of the GOP

(Liberal) Media these days looks like cotton candy to anybody votes Left and who’s keeping tabs on the GOP. They’re loosing their caging lists, political incumbents are loosing their respective races and in states where it was Easy GOP Country: Well, let’s just say: They’re now leaning into extremely tight races.

So, let’s take a tour around the salad bar and look at all of this delicious fresh fruit, shall we?!

North Carolina

This race I’ve paid close attention to mostly out of personal interest. I used to live in North Carolina (Raleigh and Greensboro) and have many friends there. My former husband is a native Tarheel and he and I regularly email each other about the news coming out of the state.

The incumbent, Republican Senator Elizabeth Dole, has struggled this entire election season against a Democratic State Senator Kay Hagen. Hagen, as it turns out, is a close friend of my former husband, so you can see why I’m passionate about this race. DailyKos has noted Elizabeth Dole is now spending her own money for that race.

Republican Sen. Elizabeth Dole says she is spending some of her own money on her first re-election bid, trying to offset millions of dollars in negative spending Democrats have used to make the race one of the closest in the country.

Dole and her campaign declined to detail how much she has pledged to her campaign, but the commitment came recently enough that it won’t appear in campaign finance reports due this week.

The DSCC have pushed some effective ads in North Carolina which have proven to be effective, even after the Dems though Hagen’s campaign had fallen into a very dead and a very boring uneventful summer.

Polls show she’s likely to lose her Senate seat to Democrat Kay Hagan, after doing little during a single six-year term to distinguish herself. (Even the two years she spent as head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee ended badly — she presided over the Democratic takeover in 2006.)

Aww… Poor Libby Dole. All she’ll have left to screw up is the American Red Cross. Or, was she asked to leave her seat from that organization too? I can’t remember. Speaking of blood; Salon has an article entitled:

Blood in the Water in North Carolina

Republican Sen. Liddy Dole may be a goner, and John McCain is in trouble in a state the GOP hasn’t lost since 1976. What happened?

Florida:

Although Governor Charlie Crist (R) gave Florida to John McCain during the primaries, he’s not interested in being around the candidate now.

Last week, after traveling with GOP running mate Sarah Palin around the state, Crist skipped a McCain football rally and instead went to Disney World. Crist hardly sounded enthusiastic when asked about his plans for helping McCain. “When I have time to help, I’ll try to do that.”

While keeping his options open regarding Palin’s future role in Republican politics, Crist appears ready to abandon McCain.

CQ finishes the article with this simple sentance:

Scaring Crist away could be McCain’s worst mistake of all.

Ouch + Ouch = Double Ouch!

Maybe McCain can get Sarah Silverman to do something to help him, instead of hurting him. Naaaaah.

The GOP Base:

They’re abandoning McCain because of his support of the $700 Billion bail-out. Bush and the GOP created a Catch-22 with this whopper of a spending problem. It was bad enough hearing Bush show up every three months demanded $30 Billion here and there for his Iraq War debacles. But when he showed up demanding $700 Billion to bail out their corporate cronies, it was the straw that broke the camels back. It created a Catch-22 for every fiscally conservative Republican in Congress. McCain bit the bait and supported what Bush wanted, of course. Now the GOP is pissed:

These Republicans declined to speak on the record because they did not want to face political repercussions for criticizing McCain.

“He’s alienated his base,” said one House Republican. “Maverick McCain missed his moment. He could have opposed this and created distance from Bush.”

Another Republican said supporting the bailout would trouble more than members of the Republican base.

“It’s not just his base,” said the lawmaker. “There’s a wide swath of opinion out there that this is not a good deal.”

A third Republican said before the bill cleared Congress: “McCain would do well to remember that Americans don’t like the (Treasury Secretary Henry) Paulson plan and Republicans and conservatives hate it.”

The topic du jour for the GOP isn’t about McCain’s attack strategy, it’s about a “come back strategy“.

…the (McCain) campaign should have sought to plant doubts about Obama’s associations with 1960s-era radical William Ayers and others months ago, rather than waiting until the campaign’s final weeks. Doing so now, they said, makes the 72-year-old McCain come off as angry, grouchy and desperate, playing into Democrats’ hands.

If you’re really in a playful mood, run on over to Crooks and Liars and check out who’ve they’ve got on tape. GOP politicians, all female – watch their heads explode on Larry King Live about Sarah Palin and the GOP. It’s hysterical.

A painful day in GOPville.

North Dakota:

In-Forum hired Minnesota State University of Moorehead to conduct a survey in North Dakota which showed Barack Obama now leading John McCain by two points. It’s a small lead granted, but deep in a Red State like North Dakota, it’s well worth bragging about.

The survey shows Obama squeaking past McCain, 45 percent to 43 percent, a lead that falls within the poll’s margin of error and therefore indicates a dead heat, according to political analysts.
Still up for grabs: undecided voters, comprising 12 percent.

Ohio Republican Steve Chabot has all but flipped the proverbial bird at McCain over his support of the bail-out. Republican Governors Mitt Romney (Mass) and Tommy Thompson (Wisc) both have a fair lot to gripe about the GOP and McCain’s campaign. Thompson goes on to tell NY Times reporter that he’s not happy with his party and he “doesn’t know anybody who is.”

Hey Maw!! I can smell those fried GOP politicans in kitchen from way out here! When do we eat?!

Redstate:

The conservatives favorite blogspot RedState has one of their own ditching his vote for McCain. One founder, Joshua Travino writes:

Finally, the vote for President of the United States: an academic exercise in California, where Barack Obama will surely win by a crushing margin. But good citizenship demands voting as if it matters. Do I believe in John McCain? Not as much as I used to. Do I believe in Sarah Palin? Despite my early enthusiasm for her, now not at all. Do I believe in the national Republican Party? Not in the slightest — even though I see no meaningful alternative to it. So, my choice for President in 2008, scrawled in my ballot as an act of futile protest, is Governor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana. If nothing else, I am confident this is the first of several votes I will cast for him in years to come.

Awww… Bitter much?!

Hosed:

I loved this piece out of the Kansas US Senate race with Jim Slattery:

Seeing a Republican urinating on the American people always leaves a bad-taste in my mouth. Oh wait: No, I’m definitely not into “water-sports”!

Hate-Mongers:

You know that thing from last Friday with McCain here in Minnesota? You know; he gets booed by the audience when he tells one man that there’s nothing to be afraid of Obama, and clarifies to an older woman that Obama is definitely NOT an Arab..?

Well, apparently – that attitude was short-lived. dKos has a photo of a McCain rally taken today. Apparently, if you say it – you’ll be rebuked. But posters are just fine.

The Jed Report, via dKos, has a video clip where McCain is confronted about these hate-mongers. McCain calmly listens and replies with: “I’ve heard the same thing from Obama’s rallies about me”.

Please! Please email me a link of a bunch of Obama fans who are screaming: “Kill McCain!”, “Kill the Cracker!!” “Traitor!!”

What a freakin’ Liar… As a Veteran myself, you’re supposed to hold some resemblance to the truth. McCain has become a patsy to the losers of “Everything Stupid Who’ve Enlisted in the Military

Please! Please email me a video where Obama fans are screaming “Kill McCain!” Please!!!

Oops… I just realized that the Bush Administration has probably read this blog entry… It has all of the qualifiers that puts me on the…ehem “Republican Black-List”…

<sigh> Dammit!!! I’ll see you when I’ve been released as a political prisoner of the American government…

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Fruit Fly News: Thanksgiving Day In Jail

Frizzie McBeeGood evening and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name is Frizzie McBee.

In the news today we have learned that a human rights group based in the United States has filed a lawsuit against the US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld in Germany. Under German law, lawsuits against any crime originating anywhere in the world, can be filed. To make matters worse for the former Secretary of Defense, the Center for Constitutional Rights has more evidence of torture in Guantanamo and the Presidential act of firing Mr. Rumsfeld in their favor as the same lawsuit was filed in 2004 and rejected.

Mr. Ratner plans to include the testimony of Al-Qahtani among other things to present if the German courts decide to persuit the case.

“Al-Qahtani was a man who the US alleged is al-Qaeda, who is in Guantanamo. The entire torture log of al-Qahtani over a period of two months was exposed,” Mr Ratner told the BBC.

Foreign CorrespondentHearing this news has caused a great deal of excitment throughout the country with the most noteable question: “What is life like for prisoners in European countries?” For more on this, we go to our foreign correspondent; Timmy von Furstenberg. Timmy, what can you tell us?

Hello Frizzie! I’m here in Duesseldorf and I haven’t seen this much excitement in years! Berliners, remembering the war crimes of sixty years ago, are showing their enthusiasm that this man Donald Rumsfeld by having parades and a beer celebration called “Oktoberfest”.

camp cupcakeThat’s wonderful news Timmy, but about their jail system. Do they have chain-gangs? Are their jails more brutal than ours? Will Mr. Rumsfeld have to protect himself with a shiv? …say an old toothbrush where the handle has been made into a stabbing device?

No Frizzie, I’m afraid not. This is Europe! This the land of “über-liberals” who have no shame and to make matters worse; they’re socialists! Here, Germans love to go to jail! Many of them go to jail for their yearly vacation in exchange for going to someplace dangerous… say Disney World or Miami!get out of jail

“The Donald”, as they’ve nicknamed him here will have no problems, unless he forgets his sunscreen. It does get warm here in central Germany.

And finally Timmy, if they did arrest him and he was found guilty of war crimes, do you know what jail or penitentiary he will be sent?

Yes Frizzie. Germany has a great big prison for all of those Nazi’s that were rounded up at the end of World War II. Most of those prisoners have died, serving out their own life sentance. So, that gives more room for Germans to go take their vacations, as well as give up some acreage for “The Donald’s” prison cell. I’ve been told that there will be plenty of room for him to play golf and install an Olympic sized pool. I won’t give you the name of the jail in German, but in English it translates: “The Jail That’s For Really Really Really Bad People and Those that Just Need a Vacation”. Frizzie, back to you.

Thank you Timmy.

In other news, Congressman Charlie Rangel (D-NY) is calling for renewing the Military Draft. Congressman Rangle was quoted by saying; “Horrifying Isn’t It I have a great idea: Let’s re-instate the draft and write it so that only crazy Republican congressmen and women are the ones that get drafted.” Wouldn’t that be a hoot?! It would be just lovely to see Senator Elizabeth Dole in a “pickle” on a boot camp somewhere in Fayetteville, North Carolina.”

While Bush is sucking the life out of our troops with back-door drafts, extended tours of duty, and recalling grandmothers to return to military, all it took was Charlie Rangel (D-NY) to murmur about “the Draft” and the rich and wealthy dove deep into a vicious rant. Paris Hilton was quoted to say:

“Oooo!! Those horrible and nasty Liberals!!! How dare they insist that we ‘serve’…. We don’t ‘serve’… We don’t even know how to serve!! Duh!!!!”

Meanwhile, the Republicans are already building up their war chest to tar and feather both Congresswoman Nancy Pilosi (D-CA) and Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) with a coordinated effort.

“Two years of Pelosi gives a good idea of what four years of Hillary will be like,” said Tom DeLay [while picking out the drapes for his own jail-cell], the Republican powerbroker who ran his party in the House before he was caught up in a lobbyist corruption scandal. ” They are both committed liberals and we will make that clear to the American people.”

So, the expection from the Democratically controlled Congress will be simple. Nancy Pilosi will be stealing tons of money from Indian casinos, and rumors will fly speculating on Hillary Clinton’s sexual orientation because she’s emailing her Congressional pages. And in two years time Senator Clinton, Reid and Kerry give away Habeus Corpus again. This gives the Republican party plenty to crab and complain about the Democrats.

All in JailIn other news, those Republicans who found themselves out of a job from the last-term election are busy with their personal closeted gay decorators. As Bob Noe, the GOP Fundraiser said; “Getting an 18 year jail sentance is along time! I have my needs you now!” Many Republicans are simply moving their office furniture and their files to their local penitentiary where they’ll await sentancing and transferring to the newly built “Republican Penetentiary”. Consider the newest Republican in Ohio that was slapped with a $139,000 fine and was given 18 years in jail. Tom Noe’s biggest expense was renovating his house in the Florida Keys. Of course, true to “Conservative Family Values”, Mr. Noe’s motto has been: “Spend tax payer money liberally on your vacation home, tell everybody that you’re a’ conservative’. The only people that will believe you… conservatives!”

Noe declined to make a statement before sentencing and stared blankly, his upper lip twitching, as his punishment was handed down.

Defense attorney John Mitchell had asked for the minimum 10-year sentence, saying that other high-profile criminals had received less time for taking more money. The lawyer also assured the judge that Noe’s offense “was a one-time crime.”

A speculative guess remains: That the judge heard the Defense attorney whining and hoping for a 10 year sentance and he gave it to him, but he added 8 years just for that trembling upper lip.

Nancy Grace and CNN Headline News is being sued by theNancy Grace Duckette family. You might remember that Melinda Duckette was grilled by Nancy Grace who all but accused her for the demise of her missing son. The following day, Ms Duckette shot herself in the head. CNN Headline News is keeping in step with the Rabid Right Wingers by saying:

“We stand by Nancy Grace and fully support her, as we have from the beginning of this matter.”

Alegedly, Nancy Grace called Ms. Duckette and encouraged her to come on the show, noting that it would increase visibility and more could be looking for her son. Ms. Duckette, unfortunately, was harassed by Nancy Grace and all but outright accused her of being the perpetrator.

ambulance chaserNancy Grace, who is a life-long careered prosecutor was asked how it will feel to be a defendant for the first time. Grace replied: “Oh don’t go there Sunshine…By the time I get done with the f@$@!!$$%^ prosecutor, he’ll be pleading ‘guilty’ for being a bed-wetter when he was 16!”

The warden of the Republican Penetentiary said they’ve built the facility to be co-ed. In the most bizarre fashion, we’ve learned that Nancy Grace has hired a lesbian to pick out the drapes for her jail cell.

Thank you for joining us tonight. As always, we appreciatefrizzie mcbee your time and your interest. On behalf of the staff of Fruit Fly News, we wish you all a great Thanksgiving. My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.

FruitFly