As Congress goes home, the GOP is once again – Shrill!

This is horribly annoying: I’m compelled by three stories at the same time.

1.) Satan has apparently showed up at Fred Phelp’s private residence in Kansas and has burned down his garage. That’s just crazy! The Phelp’s are all screaming that it was arson, and I’m not too sure one could technically call Satan an Arsonist! The King of Flame, the Grand Poo-Bah of Charbroil, perhaps! But calling him an Arsonist?! Technically, that’s just wrong!

Face it: Jesus doesn’t like Red States. God the Father has not been kind to any of those Bible Thumpers in Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana or Texas. Even the Republicans in Iowa have been timid after the flooding they’ve had down there! But when you’ve coerced your family to show up at funerals for those who’ve died in Iraq and distributed signs that are screaming “GOD HATES FAGS!!” I just can’t help believe the Phelps’ unintentional “marshmallow roast” was inspired by Divine Intervention. Only in this case, Satan was simply the “Divine Tool” who carried it out!

2.) The latest rumor out there is from Bil Browning of the Bilerico Project who’s claiming that the proverbial cat is out of the bag: “Obama will announce Wednesday – Evan Bayh (R-IN) is my Veep“. This is also a nightmare for me because I happen to think Evan Bayh is really hot and I need time to Image Google Senator Bayh!

A little personal secret here: I have a very eclectic collection of personal “porn”. It doesn’t contain nude photos of anorexic chicky-chicky 20 year old boys where one could find more hair off a half a grape than on their paper-white chests. No, I’m a gay man – and I love men! Whether they’re wearing a nice pair of Chinos at a beach party or their standing next to the the future President Barack Obama… I’m there and I think that’s very sexy.

In the ninties – it was Bill and Al, and they were pretty hot. Al is still pretty hot! Bill? Hrmm… Maybe not so much. But Evan Bayh?!?! va va voom Baby..!! Who can turn down that dimple and that baby-face?!?!

Now close your eyes and think: “You’re laying back and he’s opened the door. He smiles and begins unlacing that neck-tie….he grins at you while his eyes crinkle and he slowly pops open that top collar button. He asks; “How are you?” while he sheds that dark jacket. And you get the first scent of his masculine hygene…Yes, he’s an aftershave man… You smile back at him and your hand reaches up to greet him as he sits on the sofa you’re laying on. You fingers touch the crisp, slightly starched feel of his shirt – he grins again and pops open another button…”

You see what I mean? “Fruit Fly Porn 101”!!

I’m still an “Al Gore Man”. Even though I’m not bitter, Tipper can just kiss my ass.

And finally,
3.) The screaming from the GOP as Congress wraps up and the lack of attention from that Liberal Media on who’s saying what!

Now that’s a dilemma! I need some sexy photos for my private porn collection to include Evan Bayh. There’s all that juicy-fun to talk about Fred Phelp’s charred hand-held Toro garden-tiller. Meanwhile, there’s also the fun that Michele Bachmann getting scorched (again) with Keith Olbermann’s Countdown winning Second Place on tonight’s episode of “Worst Person in the World”!

Let’s start with Steny Hoyer, the House Majority leader and overall lackey for the DNC

“A smattering of House Republicans are engaging in stunts on the House floor in a transparent political effort to manufacture headlines. Meanwhile, most of their Republican colleagues returned home burdened with trying to explain why they blocked efforts to combat high gas prices. ‡Republicans voted against expanding drilling in Alaska, ‡against promoting renewable energy, ‡against establishing the first new vehicle efficiency standards in 32 years, ‡against repealing taxpayer subsidies for major oil companies that are making record profits, ‡against cracking down on price gouging, and ‡against curbing excessive speculation in energy markets.

“For six years, Republicans controlled every branch of government and did nothing while America became more dependent on foreign sources of oil. House Republicans now want to dust off old proposals, rejected by Congress on a bipartisan basis as bad ideas, and claim they have put forward ‘solutions’.

“Democrats today are pro-actively offering short-term solutions to high costs at the pump, as well as a long-term strategy to break our dependence on foreign oil. It’s a shame Republicans are more interested in playing games than enacting real solutions.”

Now, at first blush – this statement looks like he’s telling more tall tales than John McCain while secretly meeting at a Klu Klux Klan rally! While the emphasis’ are all mine, including those really cool double-cross symbols that I found. Does the GOP pay attention to anything but themselves?! Talk about narcissism in politics! But, the more the GOP bitches at the Democratic Leadership in Congress, the more they’re getting their teeth kicked by by the facts!

Michele Bachmann
Minnesota has been embarrassed a lot in the past ten years or so. We elected that idiot Jesse Ventura…Then there was that really weird fluke when Norm Coleman’s dump-truck of a campaign ends up winning his election all because some airplane pilot was weirdly too sleepy to fly our beloved Paul Wellstone on up to Eveleth…

GASP!!: Does anybody remember when Norm Coleman, immediately after the Paul Wellstone funeral services promised to…be a 99% improvement over Paul Wellstone?! Norm Coleman’s promise to Wellstone’s KOA was obviously offered in exchange for a job. After seven years, the only job he accomplished was performing routine hand-jobs for the current President of the United States.

Embarrassing to believe the hype back then, I know. But then, there was Patty Whetterling who couldn’t hire a decent campaign manager to save her soul and we ended up with a boat load of political losers – with Michele Bachmann as the pathetic rotted-cherry on the top of our Political Shit Sundae:

Nice. The “Lobotomized One” gets only 2nd place tonight. (Mental note: Find a website on who’s been listed on Worst Person in the World more than Michele Bachmann, exempting Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes, Laura Ingraham, Rush Limbaugh and Karl Rove.) She blabs away that the Dems are so tight, that they block tax breaks for wind and solar power and here she’s caught (again) lying not only about the fact, but the omission that she herself voted to block tax breaks….for wind and solar power.

I’m fustrated at two Democrats in Minnesota right now: Al Franken and Elwyn Tinklenburg! Both of whom are proving that they can’t run a campaign any better than Patty Whetterling could. But I digress. It’s embarrassing enough that the New York Observer is saying that “Franken is looking like the Olllie North of 2008“.

The GOP is running out of Congress hoping nobody is paying attention to their record. It’ll probably work, but only because genetically — I’m a pessimist.

From Think Progress via DumpMichele Bachmann:

Boehner strong-armed his own conservative members to ensure a bill didn’t pass because he wanted to engage in today’s political theatrics. After killing a bill that would have addressed gas prices, House conservatives have decided they want to blow hot air in the dark.

Rep. Adam Putnam (R-FL) said, “This band of brothers here is staying late to make a point to the American people: We want to work.” His colleagues then chanted: “Work, work, work.” Putnam has quickly forgotten the conservatives’ record of leading the Do Nothing Congress in 2006. The 109th Congress met for fewer days than the infamous 80th Congress that Harry Truman reviled as “do nothing” in 1948:

“The 109th Congress vies for the title of the all-time worst Congress,” said Thomas Mann, a political analyst at the Brookings Institution and co-author of “The Broken Branch” with Ornstein. Mann’s indictment of the 109th includes these charges: “It spent little time in session, it failed to pass budget resolutions and appropriations bills, there was no serious oversight of the disaster in Iraq, there were no major substantive policy achievements, and corrupt members were forced from Congress.”

Rep. Tom Price (R-GA) finally brought the six-hour talk-a-thon to a conclusion today by leading the group in an a capella rendition of “God Bless America.”

Bachmann isn’t finished. In an unedited video she’s rushed on to YouTube that looks like it was shot with her gay husband Marcus holding the camera in one hand and masturbating with the other.

Bachmann looks like that busty woman with the bright red satin top that’s four sizes too small selling the language learning “Rosetta Stone” software. Bachmann acts like a drunk chick at a frat party while she goes giddy for the Mega-Beer Bust Night at Stub n Herbs. “Barack Obama is apparently a crazy man talking about deflated Bridgestones behind a cage-full of radials..!” How can you possibly be so giddy and laughing while spewing so many lies?!

All of this is just plain wrong. Bachmann can bitch about Obama’s ideas, can’t someone bitch at her about her own boss, Steny Hoyer’s memo on his website?

Does Congresswoman Bachmann have any interest in including in her video that the combined profits made by the Oil Companies last year alone was more than Canada’s Gross Domestic Profit? That’s Canada! The second largest country on the planet! In fact, over the next 5 years, Big Oil will receive over $32 billion dollars in tax payer subsidies, tax breaks, and other hand-outs!! While we’re paying HUGE amounts for gasoline, the government is giving the same company HUGE amounts of our tax-dollars, while Michele Bachmann giggles and bounces in front of her masturbating husband holding a video camera and mocks Barack Obama for being what she insinuates as a crazy person for suggesting anything!

Can you spell “Shrill”?!

Grab your calculator and check this out:

  • Tax breaks = $23.2 billion
  • Royalty relief = $3.8 billion
  • Research and development subsidies = $1.6 billion
  • Accounting gimmicks = $4.3 billion

This money goes to Big Oil – flat out. Nobody bitches about it…Even Michele Bachmann doesn’t care about any of it. Those billions are my dollars and your dollars. Bachmann jiggles and giggles at Barack Obama while she proudly insists that we remain slaves to Big Oil.

Note: Not one single penny of the money in that list includes what you’re paying at the pump.

…And here’s Bachmann and her gay husband shooting a video of her laughing at Barack Obama…

Here’s Barack Obama’s reply to “The Lobotomized” in Minnesota’s 6th:

  1. They know they’re lying …about my energy policy

  2. They’re making fun of a step that every expert says…would absolutely reduce our oil consumption by 3 and 4 percent!

It’s like these guys take pride in being ignorant!!

Ya know?!

They think it’s funny…that they’re making fun of something … that is actually true!

They need to do their homework! ..Because this is serious business!

Instead of running ads about Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, they should go talk to some energy experts and actually make a difference!!

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Found along a parade route

Twin Cities Pride Parad Nothing could be more fun and exciting for a tiny little Fruit Fly than a parade. The spilled beer and the endless supply of sugary sodas. That doesn’t included all of the rotten food thrown into the garbage cans, and the candies thrown from the parade’s floats. On a hot steamy Sunday afternoon, who can resist the horse manure dropped by the Minneapolis Mounted Police department? What a great day to be a Fruit Fly.

Well, let’s begin! Shall we?

What kind of shit can I find for you today?

Fred Phelps’ daughter busted

The famous “God Hates Fags” preacher-man from Westerboro, Kansas has new legal troubles within his little hate-farm. It would appear that his daughter has been charged

with negligent child abuse, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, flag mutilation and disturbing the peace over an anti-gay protest at the funeral of a soldier last month.

In Kansas, it’s illeagal to trample the fag flag…at least the United States flag. Anyway, while protesting the funeral of some fallen Iraqi casualty, Shirley Phelps-Roper wrapped one US flag around her waste and gave another US flag to her pint-sized fag-hater so he could stomp on it and treat it like they treat all gay people.

But no worries for the Phelps family. All eight of his daughters are lawyers as are three of his five sons. Getting Ms. Phelps-Roper out of jail shouldn’t be a probl… Oops. Sorry. My bad:Loooser

Phelps-Roper says the action is protected by the US Constitution and she intends to fight the Nebraska law and she has asked the Nebraska chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union to represent her.

Mitt Romney Caught in a Porn Flap

US Presidential hopeful and proud Mormon, Mitt Romney has been caught in a stupid porn issue while serving on the board of directors for the Marriott Hotel chain. If you check into a Marriott Hotel, you’re welcome to check out their fast collection of booby and chicky-chicky porn. (I’m more than sure Marriott Hotels don’t carry an array of gay porn, but you never know.)

Well, the high and mighty family values man, Mitt Romney never bothered trying to dispose of the lucrative cash cow while serving on the board. Instead, Romney said:hypocrit

“I am not pursuing an effort to try and stop adults from being able to acquire or see things that I find objectionable; that’s their right. But I do vehemently oppose practices or business procedures that will allow kids to be exposed to obscenity,” the former Massachusetts governor said.

Well there you go. You see? I told you it was a stupid porn story. You just went on along and read it like there was going to be methamphetamines and 49 year old male hookers and an adult bookstore in that story, didn’t you!

11-Year Old Florida Girl Charged with DWI: Not Related to the Bush Family

An eleven year old girl from Perdido Key, FL was clocked on police radar driving a Chevrolet Monte Carlo at speeds exceeding 100 mph in downtown Orange Beach, AL. A police officer, flashing his lights on to have the driver pullover was suprised to find she hit the pedal and drove even faster.The girl sideswipped another car where she flipped her vehicle and in a drunken stooper, survived the crash with minor scraps and bruises. The girl’s blood alcohol level was higher than the minimum level allowed for even an adult.

Bush ChildrenSince the incident involved a minor and alcohol, sources have tried to confirm that the girl was not related to the Bush family. Knowing that Jeb and Columba Bush’s daughter has a history in dialing pharmacies impersonating doctors in order to feed her narcotics addiction…and George W and Laura Bush’s twin daughters are notorious drunkards- it was assumed that the 11-year old girl was also a relative.

Toddler Gets Wasted from Margarita in His Sippy Cup: Confirmed Bush Family Member

Mother and two-year-old son were guests at an Antioch, California Applebee’s restaurant when her son started acting extremely strange. The child, while saying jibber like “I’m the Decider” and “I want to be known as the War President” began making stupid faces and pulling on his cheeks. Mom, thinking the child was acting just like our Commander-in-Chief, thought it was mighty odd. Checking her child’s sippy-cup, she found the foul smell of tequila and triple sec.

“I wasn’t going to make a big deal about it,” the mother told the Contra Costa Times on Thursday, “but then he got sick.”

The mother went on to say that her son was talking and acting an aweful lot like President George W Bush at a Jerry Kilgore re-election campaign.

Said Kim Mayorga, the boy’s mother:

“He was acting all stupid and stuff and then he started saying dumb crap like… “I’m a compassionate conservative Mommie!” and I knew there was something very wrong with that. After we took him to the hospital, a DNA test confirmed our worst fears: ‘We’re related to the Bush Family.”

MeWhen asked what they’ll do next, Ms. Mayorga said; “Well, we’ve caught it early enough, I’m hoping strong upbringing and a sober environment will keep my son’s drinking problems to a minimum.

Found floating in a puddle on a rural dirt road

Props for Stephanie Miller

Stephanie MillerStephanie Miller, and her very unfortunate mono-eyebrow problem received props from the Pundits section in The Hill. Miller, my future lesbian-partner, has been on MSNBC every morning all week filling in for the missing Imus. I didn’t see any of it, although I wanted to just to see what the two guys on her show look like. Little has been seen in Cyberville except for this:

Stephanie is a comedienne, radio host and progressive impressario, and it’s great to see her doing cable television.

She’s funny, pointed, provocative, progressive and her time on MSNBC is a mini-breakthrough and I suspect we’ll be seeing more of her.

Congratulations Steph! You and your mono-eyebrow got yourself on a prime-time hour and you flubbed it with President Bush .. ehem “Teddy” bears and arm-pit sweat.

When will Steph dump Chris Lavoie and hire a real “Gay”?

HRC’s Joe Solmonese Interviews Sr VP PETA

On The Agenda, aired on XM Radio 5/8/2007, Joe Solmonese interviewed Dan Matthews, Sr VP of PETA. During the interview, Mr. Matthews made a few claims that simply aren’t true.

Matthews points out that humans are the only species that drinks milk as adults, and humans are the only species that drinks milk from another species. Pretty bold comment, considering Mr. Matthews may have never visited a good old fashioned family dairy farm. If he had, he would have noticed the number of cats that line up and meow relentlessly hoping a cow’s teat would be aimed at them during the milking process.

The other day, I was clumsy and spilt some Grade A 1% on the floor. Our dog Otis was front and center and cleaned up the spill quite promptly.

Perhaps Mr. Matthews would be better served if he pointed out that humans keep cows, goats, sheep and other such mammals in a lactose-state. That if you stop milking a cow, she’ll slow down production until she goes conceives a calf. But if you continue to milk the beast – it’ll continue to give milk. Maybe that’s considered cruel too.

Mr. Matthews also pointed out all people should become vegans like him..because if we’re not vegans – we’re being extra-super cruel to our fine furry friends. Well said, except if you’re an Eskimo. Beating a baby seal over the head might be cruel according to Mr. Matthrews – but it’s survival and nutrition ananlysis for our Eskimo friends up north.

Bunker BlastingBunker Blaster

More and more gossip is floating around that GW Bush is caving, mentally. The technical term is “Bunker Blasting“, that point when a person is under so much pressure certain personality traits usually suppressed under normal circumstances escape out. Bipolar behaviors show up at inconvenient times, sudden unprovoked rage and temper tantrums, or perhaps something like this;

Sometimes insider gossip seems to confirm what all us outsiders think we’re seeing, so, for what it’s worth…we’re hearing that some big money players up from Texas recently paid a visit to their friend in the White House. The story goes that they got out exactly one question, and the rest of the meeting consisted of The President in an extended whine, a rant, actually, about no one understands him, the critics are all messed up, if only people would see what he’s doing things would be OK…etc., etc.

This is called a “bunker mentality” and it’s not attractive when a friend does it. When the friend is the President of the United States, it can be downright dangerous. Apparently the Texas friends were suitably appalled, hence the story now in circulation.

Think Progress was “keen and savvy” in their posting the same story with an interesting parallelism with Nixon’s Buster Blasting behavior:

“Bush has apparently taken to whining about how unappreciated he his. As I recall, Nixon started talking the same way, right before he was driven from office. This isn’t encouraging. In fact, if Bush starts wondering what he can do to prove everyone wrong about his greatness, this kind of thinking could get scary.”

You can also see it showing up in the tabloid news as well.

Fred Phelps hates Dick (Cheney)

You can only take so much of the “God Hates Fags” Asshole from Kansas. You watch the YouTube video and Phelps goes on a tear about what kind of demon-seed Dick’s dick has spawned through his lesbian daughter. I laughed for about three minutes before I began to wonder about Kansas law and what defines a person who’s completely insane.

ESPN sports laughs a Republicans

It’s a rare time for ESPN to get involved with the political scene, but you can’t help it when a Republican presidential hopeful flies up to Chedderville and makes a Dan Quayle sized gaff:

The GOP presidential hopeful drew boos and groans Friday at the Wisconsin Republican Party convention when he used a football analogy to talk about the need to focus on families.

“This is fundamental blocking and tackling,” he said. “This is your line in football. If you don’t have a line, how many passes can Peyton Manning complete? Greatest quarterback, maybe, in NFL history.

Corrupt Bastards Club

The Alaskan Daily News has picked up and coined the new cliche for the Republican Party as a whole, specifically now with the Alaskan GOP. Let’s remember that the entire Ohio Republican Party is either already in jail, or are facing jail time – and with Randy Duke Cunningham, Tom DeLay and the rest who are facing jail time…calling the Republican Party the “Corrupt Bastards Club” in the generic sense of the word suits them well.

Included in the search were the offices of four legislators associated with the Corrupt Bastards Club: Stevens, Rep. Pete Kott, R-Eagle River; Sen. John Cowdery, R-Anchorage; and Rep. Vic Kohring, R-Wasilla.

Also searched were the offices of Sen. Donald Olson, D-Nome, and Rep. Bruce Weyhrauch, R-Juneau.

A copy of one of the search warrants, obtained by The Associated Press, links the investigation to the new production tax law signed last month by Murkowski and the natural gas pipeline draft contract Murkowski and the state’s three largest oil companies negotiated.

Do you remember the US Senator Ted Stevens who demanded that a bridge costing $300 million that connect to an uninhabited island? It was the same US Senator who said the Internet was a bunch of “tubes and wires“… Well, even his son, Ben Stevens, a State Senator in Alaska has been included in the same investigation…

Campaign contributions from VECO executives to 11 lawmakers, includingOld Fruitflies Chenault, were detailed in a guest opinion article that ran in the state’s three largest newspapers in March. A 12th lawmaker, Senate President Ben Stevens, the son of U.S. Sen Ted Stevens, was also noted in the article as receiving generous consulting fees from VECO. Stevens has collected more than $240,000 from VECO since 2000.

(a humble piece of rotting fruit in offer to the dailykos.com in thanks)

US v EuroA Sunday Skewl Teacher named Chino Stripes

Chino came to live up here in Minnesota and had a tough time with our winters, and so he moved back to St Louis. Now he sits and checks out chicks asses and slams members of the “Corrupt Bastards Club” (A.D.D. readers, please re-read and repeat three times!)

If you like to look at chick’s butts and discuss politics – click up there. Otherwise, email me for some nice photographs of some great looking “man ass”!!

Me

I’ve been off-line for a month now. Exhausted and still very pissed off at the Minnesota DFL, the DLC, DNC and especially the GOP. Perhaps US politicians have truly forgotten the voice of the American people. One thing is for certain: We best figure it out fast.