Photos from the political campaigns

Frizzie McBeeGood evening, and thank you for watching Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee.

In tonight’s Special Edition, we’ve decided to look at some of the amazing photography being collected during this year’s election campaign.

As you know, we’ve seen thousands of photographs of our candidates, both Democrat and Republican, male and female and black and white. First up, let’s look at a photo from Bozeman, MT where Senator Barack Obama was just a few days ago!

Barack Obama in Bozeman, MT

Wow! With a population of 27,000 people living in Bozeman, can we assume at least 75% of them were out that night listening to the Senator?! And the Senator was also in Billings over the weekend, can we look at a picture from that rally?

Holy crow! What an impressive crowd out there in Billings, Montana! A city of 100,000 souls, and a good majority of them all came out to hear the Illinois Senator speak! Well, good for all of them! A good looking crowd out there in Montana.

The senator has just published his fund-raising for the month of April and it seems that the Senator has raised a little over $31.3 million in April. An impressive amount of money indeed.

What happened last weekend in Oregon? Let’s take a look at how many people rallied on a sunny Sunday afternoon to hear Senator Barack Obama speak out there in Oregon….

Oh my lord..!! That’s staggering! Look at that crowd! Some have said that more than 70,000 folks showed up to hear the Senator speak. A staggering sized crowd!!

And from the Hillary Campaign, here’s an interesting photo…

…Getting kissed by some gay guy…

And we found this picture….

Woah! We didn’t see to see the Senator trying to hump that guy… The look on his face alone is worth 1,000 cattle-prods..

Let’s move on to Senator McCain’s campaign. As you all know, he’s had some difficulty raising campaign cash. The latest is that he’s raised only $18 million, a little more than half than this political rival Obama and less than second place running, Senator Hillary Clinton. Certainly, the Republican party could show more excitement and thrilling rallies than the Democrats can do.. Can we look at a McCain photo…?


Ohhh… tough break for the “Old and Mouldy” crowd!! Maybe if Senator McCain would wake them up, he might get them to dig out an extra dollar out of their pocketbooks!

Maybe he’s hypnotized all of them. …He pulled out a pocket watch and gave them a black and white spiral to stare at…

What an embarrassing crowd of Republicans. Looks like the Senator has his work cut out for him…

This is Frizzie McBee and I thank you for joining us tonight. Good night!!

Bad Bugs that Bite Back

Frizzie DickHello and good evening. Welcome to Fruit Fly News, I’m Frizzie McBee.

HIV2Scientists have discovered an “off-switch” for the HIV virus. This astounding newly developed research looks at a genetic approach to return the HIV virus into a dormant state, rendering it useless.

Princeton scientists Leor Weinberger and Thomas Shenk hope their work will illuminate the processes by which human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) and other viruses transition into dormant phases in their hosts. The researchers have discovered a specific genetic trigger that makes HIV fall into its latent phase, where the virus essentially hibernates, relatively harmlessly, but awaiting an opportunity to re-emerge and wreak havoc.

This brings a great deal of hope to millions, if not billions of people throughout the world. The group who seem to be the most excited are the gay men everywhere throughout the United States. For more on this, we go to Don Klooondike who is attending Chicago’s world famous Gay Pride Parade. Don?

Don KlooondikeThanks Frizzie! Yes, these gay men are certainly thrilled by this news. Their biggest thrill is knowing that once again they’ll be able to us public restrooms again. You may recall Frizzie, that when “the gays” developed this viral-bomb in order to murder all straight men who were hanging out in public restrooms, gays were banned from these facilities. Since gays were giving their horrible disease to straight men via toilet seats or simply having sex with God fearing heterosexual husbands and fathers, laws were passed under President Ronald Reagan to ban “the gays” from public restrooms. Since these laws were passed, “the gays” had to “relieve” themselves in bushes behind roadside rests, or roam aimlessly through city parks at night looking for a spot to do their business alone!

GAy RestroomBut, with this new scientific breakthrough, “the gays” will be allowed once again to use public restrooms. Heterosexual men, regardless how much they love Jesus, will be able to have sex with them in these facilities without leaving in fear of contracting the disease. Heterosexual God Fearing men will also be able to ignore those pesky seat-liners on their bathroom stalls, knowing that if they contract the HIV from “the gays”, there is a way to make the virus dormant. It’s really exciting news forTroop Movement everyone. Back to you Frizzie!

Thanks Don! Some interesting times ahead, aren’t there?

In other news, GW Bush has asked for an addition 321 million troops to be deployed to Iraq.

Realizing that this number includes the entire population of America, Bush explains that this will be his final “surge” to secure Bhagdad. Quoting the President:

We can’t just cut and run from Bhagdad. These Iraqi people have shown that they love Americans and to simply abandon them would be sending the wrong message. We have made course corrections in the past and we will continue to make course corrections until we can leave Iraq as a safe and secure democracy, oil wells are producing 100% capacity and the country is completely free of any nare-do well.

President Bush has also asked the American people for a $1 billion jobs program for Iraqi men and women. When asked if anybody from New Orleans was consulted about this program, President Bush simply said; “Huh? We done fixed New Orleeens, and there ain’t nuthin left to fix.”

And finally tonight, Congressman Barney Frank (D-MA) was caught in a fist fight with junior lightweight Congressman Patrick McHenry (R-NC). Congressman McHenry, oblivious of the House rules on introducing legislation, asked far too many question, far too many times and eventually became far too annoying.Barney Frank

Congressman Frank, chairing a committee hearing, insisted McHenry be quiet and understand House rules and how they are to be followed. Since the Republicans have ignored the House rules for the past 12 years and simply conducted the House of Representatives as a free-for-all, Congressman McHenry became upset because he didn’t know these rules existed nor what the rules were! Congressman McHenry, after being shouted down nine times by Congressman Frank finally stormed the podium and a fist fight erupted. Congressman Frank, taking off a stilhetto heel poked McHenry in the eye repeatedly until he began to cry.

After the fight broke up, Congressman Frank was heard in echos of hallways saying; “Dats right bee-yotch! And I’ll use the Men’s Room infrizzie elections the House anytime I want to, and I’ll have sex with any heterosexual man whenever  want, as well!”

I’m Frizzie McBee this has been  another edition of Fruit Fly News.

Fruit Fly News: Thanksgiving Day In Jail

Frizzie McBeeGood evening and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name is Frizzie McBee.

In the news today we have learned that a human rights group based in the United States has filed a lawsuit against the US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld in Germany. Under German law, lawsuits against any crime originating anywhere in the world, can be filed. To make matters worse for the former Secretary of Defense, the Center for Constitutional Rights has more evidence of torture in Guantanamo and the Presidential act of firing Mr. Rumsfeld in their favor as the same lawsuit was filed in 2004 and rejected.

Mr. Ratner plans to include the testimony of Al-Qahtani among other things to present if the German courts decide to persuit the case.

“Al-Qahtani was a man who the US alleged is al-Qaeda, who is in Guantanamo. The entire torture log of al-Qahtani over a period of two months was exposed,” Mr Ratner told the BBC.

Foreign CorrespondentHearing this news has caused a great deal of excitment throughout the country with the most noteable question: “What is life like for prisoners in European countries?” For more on this, we go to our foreign correspondent; Timmy von Furstenberg. Timmy, what can you tell us?

Hello Frizzie! I’m here in Duesseldorf and I haven’t seen this much excitement in years! Berliners, remembering the war crimes of sixty years ago, are showing their enthusiasm that this man Donald Rumsfeld by having parades and a beer celebration called “Oktoberfest”.

camp cupcakeThat’s wonderful news Timmy, but about their jail system. Do they have chain-gangs? Are their jails more brutal than ours? Will Mr. Rumsfeld have to protect himself with a shiv? …say an old toothbrush where the handle has been made into a stabbing device?

No Frizzie, I’m afraid not. This is Europe! This the land of “über-liberals” who have no shame and to make matters worse; they’re socialists! Here, Germans love to go to jail! Many of them go to jail for their yearly vacation in exchange for going to someplace dangerous… say Disney World or Miami!get out of jail

“The Donald”, as they’ve nicknamed him here will have no problems, unless he forgets his sunscreen. It does get warm here in central Germany.

And finally Timmy, if they did arrest him and he was found guilty of war crimes, do you know what jail or penitentiary he will be sent?

Yes Frizzie. Germany has a great big prison for all of those Nazi’s that were rounded up at the end of World War II. Most of those prisoners have died, serving out their own life sentance. So, that gives more room for Germans to go take their vacations, as well as give up some acreage for “The Donald’s” prison cell. I’ve been told that there will be plenty of room for him to play golf and install an Olympic sized pool. I won’t give you the name of the jail in German, but in English it translates: “The Jail That’s For Really Really Really Bad People and Those that Just Need a Vacation”. Frizzie, back to you.

Thank you Timmy.

In other news, Congressman Charlie Rangel (D-NY) is calling for renewing the Military Draft. Congressman Rangle was quoted by saying; “Horrifying Isn’t It I have a great idea: Let’s re-instate the draft and write it so that only crazy Republican congressmen and women are the ones that get drafted.” Wouldn’t that be a hoot?! It would be just lovely to see Senator Elizabeth Dole in a “pickle” on a boot camp somewhere in Fayetteville, North Carolina.”

While Bush is sucking the life out of our troops with back-door drafts, extended tours of duty, and recalling grandmothers to return to military, all it took was Charlie Rangel (D-NY) to murmur about “the Draft” and the rich and wealthy dove deep into a vicious rant. Paris Hilton was quoted to say:

“Oooo!! Those horrible and nasty Liberals!!! How dare they insist that we ‘serve’…. We don’t ‘serve’… We don’t even know how to serve!! Duh!!!!”

Meanwhile, the Republicans are already building up their war chest to tar and feather both Congresswoman Nancy Pilosi (D-CA) and Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) with a coordinated effort.

“Two years of Pelosi gives a good idea of what four years of Hillary will be like,” said Tom DeLay [while picking out the drapes for his own jail-cell], the Republican powerbroker who ran his party in the House before he was caught up in a lobbyist corruption scandal. ” They are both committed liberals and we will make that clear to the American people.”

So, the expection from the Democratically controlled Congress will be simple. Nancy Pilosi will be stealing tons of money from Indian casinos, and rumors will fly speculating on Hillary Clinton’s sexual orientation because she’s emailing her Congressional pages. And in two years time Senator Clinton, Reid and Kerry give away Habeus Corpus again. This gives the Republican party plenty to crab and complain about the Democrats.

All in JailIn other news, those Republicans who found themselves out of a job from the last-term election are busy with their personal closeted gay decorators. As Bob Noe, the GOP Fundraiser said; “Getting an 18 year jail sentance is along time! I have my needs you now!” Many Republicans are simply moving their office furniture and their files to their local penitentiary where they’ll await sentancing and transferring to the newly built “Republican Penetentiary”. Consider the newest Republican in Ohio that was slapped with a $139,000 fine and was given 18 years in jail. Tom Noe’s biggest expense was renovating his house in the Florida Keys. Of course, true to “Conservative Family Values”, Mr. Noe’s motto has been: “Spend tax payer money liberally on your vacation home, tell everybody that you’re a’ conservative’. The only people that will believe you… conservatives!”

Noe declined to make a statement before sentencing and stared blankly, his upper lip twitching, as his punishment was handed down.

Defense attorney John Mitchell had asked for the minimum 10-year sentence, saying that other high-profile criminals had received less time for taking more money. The lawyer also assured the judge that Noe’s offense “was a one-time crime.”

A speculative guess remains: That the judge heard the Defense attorney whining and hoping for a 10 year sentance and he gave it to him, but he added 8 years just for that trembling upper lip.

Nancy Grace and CNN Headline News is being sued by theNancy Grace Duckette family. You might remember that Melinda Duckette was grilled by Nancy Grace who all but accused her for the demise of her missing son. The following day, Ms Duckette shot herself in the head. CNN Headline News is keeping in step with the Rabid Right Wingers by saying:

“We stand by Nancy Grace and fully support her, as we have from the beginning of this matter.”

Alegedly, Nancy Grace called Ms. Duckette and encouraged her to come on the show, noting that it would increase visibility and more could be looking for her son. Ms. Duckette, unfortunately, was harassed by Nancy Grace and all but outright accused her of being the perpetrator.

ambulance chaserNancy Grace, who is a life-long careered prosecutor was asked how it will feel to be a defendant for the first time. Grace replied: “Oh don’t go there Sunshine…By the time I get done with the f@$@!!$$%^ prosecutor, he’ll be pleading ‘guilty’ for being a bed-wetter when he was 16!”

The warden of the Republican Penetentiary said they’ve built the facility to be co-ed. In the most bizarre fashion, we’ve learned that Nancy Grace has hired a lesbian to pick out the drapes for her jail cell.

Thank you for joining us tonight. As always, we appreciatefrizzie mcbee your time and your interest. On behalf of the staff of Fruit Fly News, we wish you all a great Thanksgiving. My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.

FruitFly

Fruit Fly News Bulletin

We interrupt your regularly scheduled program in an effort to bring you this latest Fruit Fly News Bulletin…

News AnchorHello, this is Frizzie McBee on Fruit Fly News. This just in, less than one hour ago, Congressman Bob Ney (R-Ohio) has plead guilty to being a very bad man. Our sources say that he will be a Prison Wife for approximately 27 months, and that the marriage arrangements have been set up with a fine handsome gentleman named “BOL”, Ohio State Penitentiary prison number 9474523.

Just last month, The Great Fruit Fly, CEO extrodinaire, pointed out that Congressman Ney was the last of the “ScotlandAbramoff Friends Tour” who hasn’t yet been found guilty. This completes the “inner-circle” of Jack Abramoff’s friends who get to take field trips to Scotland on a private Lear as a “personal thank-you” for taking his bribes. This leaves only Ralph Reed (former Executive Director of the Konservative Kristian Koalition, former Lieutenant Governor hopeful-Georgia) who is not going to jail…Yet.

Bob Ney's New Home?!Meanwhile, jailmates everywhere have been breaking out in riots, fighting over whether or not they’ll get to take turns with the Congressman. Nuptual visits for those visits outside of the penetentiary have not been clarified, but those cellmates inside the pententiary have already begun to lining up the “pecker-order”.Prison Bitch

Bol Johnston, Congressman Ney’s future prison-husband, stated that he was excited to receive his new wife. Johnston, found guilty of killing kittens and running over little old ladies, has stated that Congressman Ney will be his fifth wife in his current nine year prison sentance.

Johnston said; “I saw him on the TV in the rec room and he looks like he’s got a real purty mouth. That’s what’s important… if they got a purty mouth, then I’m very excited.”

Mrs. Ney, meanwhile, has offered the Congressman her complete collection of cosmetics. “He’s going to need my support in everyway, I’m excited for the opportunity to help. He’s really a wonderful husband when he’s not taking bribes drinking.News Anchor

Tune into Fruit Fly News during our evening broadcast for more information this story and other news. Thank you for watching, my name is Frizzie McBee.

This has been a Fruit Fly News Bulletin. We return now to our originally schedule program already in progress.

Terror In the Skies; Part Deux

Frizzie McBeeGood Evening, welcome to Fruit Fly News, I’m Frizzie McBee. In today’s headline news, President Bush and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has raised the Terrorist Threat Level to Volcano Red, the highest level allowed. After discovering that people are carrying liquids that can be mixed with other liquids which could produce an explosive device, All airline passengers are required to board the aircraft completely void of all liquids.

President Bush and Secretary Chertoff, neither of whom have been on a commercial airliner since before 9/11, appear to be the only exemptions to their new ruling and requiring all Americans to be terrified of these terrorists. The ruling includes all liquids including a Catholic priests Holy Water, contact lense solution, toothpaste, mascara and apparently all forms of …urine and blood?!

For more of this fascinating report, we go to our InvestigativeScoop Cooper Field Reporter; Scoop Cooper who’s already at the airport trying to catch a flight to Atlanta, Scoop?

Hello Frizze, and yes that is correct. You are no longer allowed to carry any liquids on your person whatsoever while boarding a plane. The fear is Frizzie, that if someone mixed gasoline with blood, it could make quite a dangerous explosion!

SurgeryNeedless to say, this has caused the lines at the airport to increase twenty-fold and all scheduled flights are posponed until a week from next Tuesday. So, after I’m finished giving blood here, I will be going into surgery and having my bladder removed so that I have no urine in me either. Frizzie?

Thanks Scoop! One quick question however… “Why worry about blood and urine and why not simply look for those chemicals that are a basis of being turned into an explosive substance? It seems rather…

Scoop CooperFrizzie… Frizzie! Yes, I understand it sounds rather unorthodox, but let’s remember – this country is at a war with terrorism and our Commander in Chief is protecting us from terrorists. Speaking against the Commander in Chief, as you know, is completely forbidden, and since he is our “Decider”, that has been the Decider that he’s made for all of us!

Thank you Scoop, of course – you’re correct. It just seems to be rather extreme measure to be taken to avoid having an incident on an airline.

Yes Frizzie and it’s important to realize that this isn’t just a whim The Decider has chosen for us. In fact, I am told that once my blood has been depleated from my body, it will be stored and used to re-introduce to some passenger coming into our fair city of Minneapolis St Paul! Once again, our President is revealing how incredibly intelligent he is… and how much he cherishes life.

Of course Scoop and thank you for that fascinating report. Frizzie McBee My best wishes for you on the upcoming surgery.

While all of us as citizens who are at War with Terrorists everywhere, we have learned that the Bush Administration is also changing the rules for those terrorists who attempt an airline jacking while in the air. For more on this report, we go to our field reporter, Buddy Weiser. Buddy, what can you tells us about this new ruling with the FAA?

skydiver 2Hello Frizzie! Yes! I’m free-falling from Northwest Airlines flight 284 from Los Angeles International where I demonstrated a typical terrorist behavior to see if the new FAA ruling is true! Sure enough…after I pulled out a small vial of gasoline, found a Dixie cup in the lavatory and mixed with with some of my urine…a flight attendant quite literally, threw me out of the plane!

Buddy! That’s terrible! Are you sure you’re alright? I’m very upset about this news! Are you okay?!

I’m fine Frizzie! No worries, I packed a chute down the crotch of my pants and I should be just fi… skydiver engine

Buddy?! Buddy!! Buddy…Can you hear me?!

Frizzie McBeeOh dear, we seem to be having difficulties… When we’re able to re-connect a communications link with Buddy, we’ll get more information on his story there.

In the meantime, the Bush Administration has pointed out that it is his belief this new revelation of Al Qaeda Terrorists attempt to blow up more airplanes is directly connected to the Connecticut primary elections earlier this week where we saw Senator Joe Lieberman loose. President Bush’s press secretary Tony Snow, quickly produced a photo of people who they suspect is a terrorist.

Mr. Snow said and I quote; “If you see a person that looks likeTerrorist this at an airport, the President strongly recommends that you contact the authorities immediately. You’re urine and blood will be removed and you’ll be released to be on your way, but we’d really appreciate it if you would be diligent by looking for anybody that looks like this.”

Ann Coulter RacistIn other news, political pundit Mann Coulter is still a stupid racist transexual. Just recently, the Log Cabin Republican party of Washington DC has elected Mann Coulter to be their new national president. When asked when Mann Coulter’s final surgery would be complete and she would be a fulling function atomoton, Mann said; “I have my Adams Apple in my neck removed next week, but only after all the of the hospital staff has been examined for any Darkies.”Frizzie McBee

Thank you for watching FFN news, I am Frizzie McBee. Have a very Terrified Night…May God save your souls.

The Fruit Fly

Gay Marriage: The Crisis in Massachusetts

Lady Anchor Hello, and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name is Frizzie McBee. Today’s breaking news is about the horrifying state of marriage currently in Massachusetts. We have learned that since Gay Marriage was made legal in Massachusetts onFebruary 4, 2004, heterosexual marriageMarriage License has a completely gone to utter chaos, as predicted by the James Dobson’ Focus on the Family and Pat Robertson’s 700 Club Ministries.

 

The divorce rate among heterosexual marriages has skyrocketed to 100% – with each heterosexual chosing, for no apparenty reason, that it’s much better to be gay than not. Hetersexual married couples with children have abandoned their kids in Lesbian Shock Troop Military camps and have been clogging the town halls with petitions to marry their next door neighbors.

 

FFN has sent out their field reporter Britt Flume into Massachusetts to witness this odd, yet predicted phenomena to learn more.

 

Britt? What can you tell us about what’s going on?

Field Reporter

 

Yes Frizzie and thank you! Yes it’s true and weirdly predicted by the Focus on the Family and the 700 Club spokespersons!! I’m outside of the “danger-zone” of the rioting downtown Boston with MikeDohl who owns a small farm outside of Framingham, Massachusetts, who’s recently decided he too is gay and getting a divorce.

Mike; Please tell us about your decision about becoming gay and divorcing your wife and leaving your children!mike dohl

Ah-yup! That’s right Britt, may I call you Britt? You’re quite cute too! Are you gay and married yet?!?

Err.. No. Err… I’m not gay and I am…err..

Well anyway! I decided that since everybody else is becoming a homosexual, I thought I’d give it a try too!! So, yesterday, I came home and found my wife in bed with my neighbor’s wife across the field and that’s when I told her I was going to become an official Texas Rump Ranger.

…And what was your wife’s reply, Mike?

Ah-Yup! She said that’s fine…she’s decided to be an official Channel-Surfer and wanted to know what we should do with the kids? I told her we could just leave them here on the farm and let them fend for themselves.

Errr… Thanks Mike! …I think.Rioting 1

Anyway Frizzie, in Boston – violent riots have broken out throughout the city. Heterosexual couples in their cars or walking down the streets seen holding hands are met with a barrage of former-heterosexual people throwing rocks andmolotav -cocktails shouting “We Hate Bush!! We Hate Bush!!”. The newly changed Homosexuals in Boston have begun setting up legislation making Heterosexuality illegal and considered a felony. Rioting crowds have been in the streets ever since Gay Marriage was legalize two and a half years ago and things don’t seem to be subsiding.

Governor Mitt Romney, who recently married his Chief of Staff “Robert”, after divorcing his wife and abandoning his own children, called for a “Gay Pride – Gay Love Day” for Massachusettscitizes in June. Governor Romney, when asked about this sudden change to be a Homosexual along with so many other formerly hetero-citizens, smiled back at me and winked and said: “I just decided that I Hate Bush, too.” Since then, he’s called for the Commonwealth’s National Guard to assist in the containing the violence. But that’s beeninnefectual due largely in part the newly stylized military uniforms from Olive Drab to Hot-Shock-Pink have not been sewn and distributed to all of the troops as of yet.

Back to you Frizzie!Lady Anchor

Thank you Britt, good job. While it’s obvious that homeless children are appearing in the millions throughout Boston from their newly-gay-decided parents, the Red Cross has been called in for support.  FEMA was also contacted and both have promised sending up trailers to house the children and they’re expected to arrive within the next twenty years. The Red Cross reports that the trailers for housing these newly abandoned children are stuck in a field somewhere in Arkansas awaiting for someone to condem the trailers as unsafe and unhealthy for occupancy.

Dr. Robert Spitzer is a Professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University who has been conducting psychiatric research for more than 30 years. Dr Spitzer, after a long detail research on 800 gay people with 60 questions, has concluded that Homosexuals can change and become Heterosexuals if they try “real real hard”.  Dr Spitzer also claims that gay lobby scrapes together weak, intellectual-sounding arguments to defend even the hint of contradiction to their own religion of “equal rights.”

Enquirer

Soon after Dr. Spritzer finished his study, he decided to become a Homosexual himself and moved to Massachusetts and joined a singles-group. Nobody has married him yet, and nobody cares why.

In his book; “Marriage Under Fire”, “Dr. James Dobson presents a compelling case against the legalization of “marriage” between homosexuals and the dire ramifications our nation could face. Traditional values in our nation are in severe jeopardy” even though you have to buy his book to learn how why.

Of course, most heterosexual couples who are anti-gay marriage have pointed to television as the culprit to why more and more people are becoming gay. We turned on our television and were astonished at the amount of homosexuality and gay activism currently going on Fox Television.

Homer Marriage Lesbian Patty

With the Homosexual Agenda as rampant as it is in America, it’s a wonder that countries like The Netherlands, Great Britain, France, Canada, Belgium and Spain haven’t already imploded upon themownselves.

My name is Frizzie McBee and thanks for watching this edition of Fruit Fly News! Good night everybody.

The Fruit Fly