Senator-Elect Al Franken’s Final Appearance Before Being Sworn In


…and if you listen really hard…somewhere… that’s the faint sniffling of yet another Republican loser.

But I’m not gloating.

McCain criticizes Obama and his Stimulus Bill

Mexican fruit fliesIt seems that every Sunday morning, CNN becomes more and more of a right-wing tool. That guy John King; he’s the only “news” person on television who doesn’t have to tell us what his party affiliation is: He doesn’t have to — it’s grossly obvious.

Last week, John King had some Republican strategist named Alex Castellanos (as if I care), along with Donna Brazile and Gloria Borger (another GOP tool-job) in a four-way conversation. Between Castellanos demanding that Democrats practice strong bipartisanship on the Stimulus bill and Borger’s constant “dire warnings of repercussions” if Obama does anything wrong — and there sat Donna Brazile in the middle.  Not only was she the only Democrat sitting at the table, she was the only one who made any sense out of anything being discussed.fruitfly21

This grand and glorious Sunday morning, King is in a sit-down session with a Democrat John McCain for a chat-session to bitch about Obama (and his recent success for a Stimulus Package)..

But, what else is new?

It isn’t like CNN will take the time to interview say…Harry Reid or even Steny Hoyer any time soon. Democrats rarely get interviewed by themselves on CNN.  If CNN interviews a Democrat, the interviewer plays offense – forcing the Democrat to play defense. Then, the CNN-Interviewer follows up with a guaranteed interview with a couple of Republicans who will de-construct whatever was said five minutes earlier and the Republican is handed softball questions.   It’s really easy to spot the pattern.  Don’t even get me started on that Right Wing Tool-Job named Wolf Blitzer!  The only thing that hasn’t happened is that an elephant hasn’t crapped on Blitzer’s head to make that whole scene complete.

CNN simply kids themselves into thinking that we’re not paying attention. CNN is dead: Please don’t tell anybody that I predicted it first. CNN has outgrown their own “star quality” – Watching CNN is like watching a Brady Bunch Reunion, with all of the original non-talented actors standing around trying to think up something special to do and so they dress up in spandex and sing a song instead.

So to put some diversity in the Big Blond Network, they hire D.L. Hugely to pretend to be Bill Mahr an he ends up looking like Time Warner’s personalized Uncle Tom.  It’s such a crappy news source these days…Blondes, cranky old guys and then there’s D.L. Hugely.

So here’s CNN presenting the Republican candidate for President that lost in the 2008 election spitting on the Democratic candidate who won the 2008 election…on CNN. (Because the Loser of the 2008 Presidential Election will always makes better News? Sorry, I missed the follow-up interview CNN had with Al Gore and John Kerry.) And here’s McCain bitching about Obama’s Stimulus Bill:

“It was a bad beginning,” McCain said Sunday of the legislative process that resulted in the $787 billion stimulus bill recently passed by Congress. “It was a bad beginning because it wasn’t what we promised the American people, what President Obama promised the American people – that we would sit down together.”

Whatever… Obama sat down with the Congressional Republican behind closed doors, you stupid Old Goat. In fact; Senate Republicans rejected Obama’s offer of collaboration. In fact, while Obama was meeting with Republicans behind closed doors (something you’d never see Bush doing by meeting with Democrats behind closed doors), John McCain was front and center to criticize Obama’s lack of bipartisan ship as far back as last week!

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) belittled the negotiations on trimming the bill, calling them “discussions being held behind closed doors between two or three or four Republicans” and a group of Democrats with the aim of getting a filibuster-proof 60 votes to pass the legislation.

“Obviously, the overwhelming majority of Republican senators are opposed to this legislation,” McCain said. “This is not a stimulus bill. It is an Iraq War spending bill full of unnecessary spending in the Iraq Oil War.” He added that talks in which Democrats “try to pick off two or three Republicans” cannot lead to a “bipartisan agreement” borrowing money to fund the Iraq War. (Which costs the US Taxpayer over $3 Trillion!!)

McCain TalosianThis all boils down to one thing: “The Republicans don’t get their way anymore.” They’ve become spoiled children who can no longer suck off the teat of the American taxpayer. They’ll have to pay for their whores and their penis drugs out of their own pockets because the bribe money has dried up.

McCain continues crying and watch the logic-flow of his statement:

While McCain said he appreciated the fact that Obama came to Capitol Hill to speak with House Republicans about the stimulus bill. But, “that’s not how you negotiate a result.” Instead, “you sit down in a room with competing proposals” and “almost all of our proposals went down on a party-line vote”

“I hope the next time we will sit down together and conduct truly bipartisan negotiations. This was not a bipartisan bill.”

So…ummm… lesseee…. Ummm…You’re admitting that the Republican Party wasn’t being bipartisan? Because if you produced your proposals, and they went down on a party-line vote – that means it was the Republicans who aren’t bipartisan? And, to say that this wasn’t a bipartisan bill is pure bull-hockey.

It was the Democrats who compromised with the Republicans!

Many Democrats would have preferred a larger bill, but agreed to pare back, including cuts to favored education and health programs, to win three crucial Republican votes in the Senate.

“Legislation is the art of compromise, consensus building, and that’s what we did,” the Senate majority leader, Harry Reid of Nevada, said in announcing the accord.

Democrats are always capitulating with the Republicans and the Republicans will sit back and vote against the bill anyway! It’s an excercise in futility! Why compromise with anything the Republicans want when you know they’re going to vote against it anyway!

McCain continues:

McCain also spoke about the potential long-term effects of the stimulus bill.

“We are committing generational theft,” McCain said. “We are laying a huge deficit on future generations of Americans.”

Wait a second here! It was McCain who said he didn’t know anything about the economy.

Fact: In November 2005, McCain said in an interview:

“I’m going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated.

Fact: In December 2007, McCain said about economics:

The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should,” but “I’ve got Greenspan’s book.”

He’s got a freaking book?!? He’s got a book?!?! Do you think Crayons came with that book too?

Fact: The Republicans wanted tax cuts in this Stimulus Bill and they got over $200Billion in tax cuts.

Fact: There were Republicans who added projects to this Stimulus Bill, who voted AGAINST the bill, then run around and brag about the stuff they added to that very same bill!

Fact: During the Banking Bailout plans when Bush was in office, it was once again McCain who was the spoiler in the room.

Democrats angrily accused House Republicans — and McCain, in particular — of grandstanding.
“John McCain did nothing to help. He only hurt the process,” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., said after attending the White House meeting.
Sen. Chris Dodd, the Banking Committee chairman who was among those announcing the agreement earlier in the day, questioned whether the White House meeting was a cynical GOP effort to make McCain seem like a statesman at a time when voters’ economic concerns have hurt McCain in the polls.

“For the life of me, I don’t know how what was going on (at the White House) was anything except political theater,” Dodd said after the meeting.

McCain’s interview with John King concluded with more stupidity:fruitfly21

Failure to bring the federal government’s spending back in line with its revenue once the economy improves could lead to inflation and debasement of the dollar down the road, McCain also told King.

mccain-baghdad

Hrmmm… I wonder how concerned McCain was on federal spending when Bush demanded $30Billion a month for his Iraq Oil War? Did you see any concern about federal spending when McCain wandered aimlessly through the streets in downtown Bahgdad with 800 helicopters hovering over him and three platoons following behind him?

These Republicans are running a huge risk playing this hypocritical spoiled brat syndrome. If the economy does indeed tank, the American voter isn’t going to run to the GOP to fix the problem. The Republicans are

One Month Off arrogantly kidding themselves by playing this game. And if the economy does improve, like all signals are pointing towards – the were be little room for the GOP to have any bragging rights. But, since the GOP is only a Regional Political party now, we should hardly expect anything of significance from them anyway.

MRE: MICHELE BACHMAN DESTROYS THE GOP!!!

Poor Michele… She just can’t feel Jesus’ love inside the GOP anymore. After running her mouth off on Hardball with Chris Matthews saying she thought Obama had “anti-American sentiments” and then called for the liberal media to investigate members of Congress for suspicions of “anti-American sentiments”, she’s seemed to have discovered “anti-Bachmann sentiments” coming out of the leadership of her own Republican Party.

First up: the NRCC. Headed by Tom Cole (R-OK CD#4). The National Republican Congressional Committee has apparently decided that Michele Bachmann has become such a liability that they’ve cut off all advertising funds for her campaign.

Ouch! It’s pretty well decided: Michele Bachmann’s hate-mongering mouth is not a course of action that the GOP Leadership wants to invest into…

Compare and Contrast: Fox News dumps Michelle Malkin for being a crazy hate-monger – the NRCC dumps Michele Bachmann for being the exact.same.thing.

From Politico:

The NRCC had reserved time on behalf of Bachmann in early October, but the money had yet to flow to her district. She was not among the beneficiaries of a rush of new independent expenditures the committee made in the past two days.

Pitchforks and the Torches have gathered in downtown Republicanville and they are none too pleased. In a more accurate word-choice: “They’re mad as Hell and they’re not going to take it anymore!!

Conservative Republican (The Pitchfork Family) Amanda Carpenter over at Townhall whined about the situation. Ms. Carpenter wrote with her Crying Towel nearby:

So what does the NRCC do when the going gets tough for Bachmann? They get going. Far, far away from her.

Apparently, since the NRCC didn’t run up and give bat-shit-crazy Michele Bachmann a giant squeezy-hug and then shove a giant sunflower into her machine-gun mouth… Ms Carpenter feels “left out”. Somebody must have decided that losing General Colin Powell to the Democrats was a bigger loss than losing Michele “I Love GWB” Bachmann and finally… Dumped her!

Editor-in-Chief Erik Erikson, a proud member of the Torch Family, whipped out the big stick from out of his ass and called Tom Cole (R-OK) a douchebag!

Let’s just call Tom Cole (R-OK), the head of the NRCC, what he is: a douchebag.

Erickson seems to be a wee upset, but manages to continue..:

Now, in the height of all douchebaggery, he has pulled all funding from Michelle Bachmann’s very winnable race in Minnesota, in which she is presently leading, though not by a great deal.

Why? Because Bachmann had the nerve to point out Obama pals around with anti-American domestic terrorists and other unsavory characters, i.e. she’s echoed Sarah Palin.

…Just a wee-bit pissed off? Earth To Erickson! Michele Bachmann spells her name with only one “L”…Not Two!! Earth to Erickson… Hello?!? Hello?!?!? Oh crap… Houston1 We’ve lost contact with Erickk Erickkson!!

And then… Erickson whips out his own Crying Towel:

But that’s okay. Apparently we have Republicans to spare.

Sarcasm! I like it!! Pouting?! Hrmm… Not so much.

The folks at Redstate run back to Update the original by clarifying to their guppy-headed faithful on why they’re so upset: They’re mad at Tom Cole for pulling the Bachmann support-ads!!

For perspective, Tom Cole has been sending money to Don Young in Alaska. So attacking the Democrats is unacceptable to Tom Cole, but taint and corruption is perfectly fine.

You still upset I called him a douchebag?

For those who are unaware of what he’s blabbering about, I’ll try to explain…

Alaskan Congresscreature Don Young is under investigation for earmarking $10million dollars to Florida to build/improve a road for one of his major campaign contributers. It’s a nasty story…read it here, here, and here.

Placed into context: (Republican) Redstate Editor-in-Chief, Erik Erickson is complaining that Tom Cole (R-OK), Chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee, will support (Heterosexual) Alaskan Congresscreature Don Young…but he won’t support Minnesota Congresscreature Michele Bachmann because she’s crazier than cow-snot on a barbed-wire fence. And, since watch-dog group CREW (Citizens for Responsibility for Ethics in Washington) has declared Don Young their MOST CORRUPT member in Washington, then it’s obvious — Tom Cole (R-OK) is a douchebag.

Get it?! The Pitchforks and the Torches within Republicanville are demanding the heads of their own Mayors, Dukes and Grand Wizards for doing what they should have done two years ago: They DUMPED BACHMANN!

Ugh!! In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West as she melted away…What a world…what a world….

Minnesota local-yokel Republican, Andy Aplikowski (another Pitchfork) has his Crying Towel front-and-center.

Andy weeps:

I am just absolutely amazed at how far NBC is willing to go to cover up for their hack journalists like Chris Matthews.

Like Joe the Plumber, now Michele Bachmann has been more vetted by the mainstream media than Barrack Obama.

And seriously, they dug up Nick Coleman for this one?
I certainly hope the Republican Party of Minnesota is going to get involved now. Pawlenty threw Bachmann under the bus yesterday and I haven’t heard a single peep from Ron Carey. Let’s not forget that Carey is a constituent of Bachmann’s.

The full scale media attack to destroy Bachmann and twist her words is unreprehensible.

Awww… tsk tsk tsk… Poor Andy… He’s got an Idiot in Congressional Representation, and now that the National Republican Congressional Campaign has dumped her, he’s just going full-tilt with a wide-range on allegations:

  • Chris Mattews is an “NBC Hack”?!
  • NBC is “covering-up” for Matthews?!

Excuse me?!

Dear Andy Apilowski:

Chris Matthews is a “hack”?!

Are you serious?! …Or are you really that “new”?!

Seriously. I recall Chris Matthews booty-smooches GOP Crooks like Tom Delay (R-TX Jail Time) while yucking it up while off the air!!

Are you really that New?!?! Matthews is a “hack” because your Bachmann is that stupid and the GOP is now finding that out?!?”

Mr. Apilowski — Chris Matthews has been your best friend in Media – perhaps you’re the Hack-Job here and Michele Bachmann is the Wack-Job over there in DC!

Sincerely,

Fruit F. Fly

Why can’t these Republicans taken responsibility for themselves?! It’s unbelievable!!

Okay all you cry-babies out there… Let’s let the “Mighty Fruit Fly” resolve the dispute for you. Let’s run over to the original transcript and read verbatim what Congresscreature Michele Bachmann said…Exactly

Transcript from the Federal News Service

MATTHEWS: So this is a character issue. You believe that Barack Obama may — you’re suspicious because of this relationship — may have anti-American views. Otherwise it’s probably irrelevant to this discussion.

REP. BACHMANN: Absolutely.

MR. MATTHEWS: So you believe it brings into —

REP. BACHMANN: I absolutely —

MR. MATTHEWS: So you believe that Barack Obama may have anti- American views.

REP. BACHMANN: Absolutely. I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views. That’s what the American people are concerned about. That’s why they want to know what his answers are. That’s why Joe the plumber has figured so highly in the last few days —

Anything in there that appears like it was as cover-up?! Mr. Apilowski!?! Are you paying attention?!? Did your crazy Congresscreature say those words or did she not?!?!

And about the leaders in Congress? Bachmann says:

MR. MATTHEWS: What about people like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, the liberals you were mentioning a moment ago? Where would you put them? Would you consider them anti-American as well?

REP. BACHMANN: I would consider them to have —

MR. MATTHEWS: Are they anti-American?

REP. BACHMANN: — far leftist views. I’m not going to say that they’re anti-American or pro-American.

MR. MATTHEWS: The speaker of the House is —

REP. BACHMANN: I will say the speaker —

So – Nancy Pilosi! Bachmann’s apparently not too sure about Senate Majority Leader Harry Ried… But Speaker of the House, Nancy Pilosi – she’s definitely got some of that “anti-American sentiments” in her. (I’m guessing it’s because Nancy PIlosi’s district is in that “Gay Area” known as San Francisco?!)

And what about the rest of the members of Congress?!

MR. MATTHEWS: Well, he’s a United States senator from Illinois. He’s one of the people you suspect as being anti-American. How many people in the Congress of the United States do you think are anti- American? You’ve already suspected Barack Obama. Is he alone, or are there others? How many do you suspect of your colleagues as being anti-American?

REP. BACHMANN: What I would say — what I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that.

She’s a crazy person, you Goofs!!!

Michele Bachmann is nuttier than standing on Cashew Corner in Walnut Grove chewin’ on a Salted Nut Roll!

She’s the Acorn…with extra corn!!

Sheeshe!!

I have a question:

Why does Alaska’s governor, Sarah Palin’s husband Todd Palin get a free-pass on this subject of “Anti-American Sentiments”?!

Alaska’s First Dude belonged to a secessionist movement up there in Wasilla called the “Alaska Independence Party”. Todd Palin would be thrilled to personally rip a star off the American flag at any opportunity by declaring Alaska separate from the United States. And yet; It’s the liberals in congress who are publicly accused on MSNBC with (Pitchfork) Chris Matthews by Minnesota’s Congresscreature Michele Bachmann, but Secessionists who hate America are ignored without regard

The Republican Vice Presidential Candidate applauds those who’ll happily denounce their citizenry of the United States – And that’s ignored. But, being a liberal from San Francisco will get you accused publicly on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews.

Stay tuned for more on this horrifying story!!! Coming up soon: MIchele Bachmann hate’s Jesus and His Children by supporting Anti-Christian Petters’ fund-raiser Frank Vennes!!!

Fruit Fly News: Who is Joey Oglesby?

Laura Bush SmokesHello, and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizze McBee.

Today, President Bush has increased troop levels in Iraq to an additional 3 million Americans. Calling it a “surge”, the President has stated; “Defeat is not an option, ‘cut and run’ is also not an option, and since nobody else has come up with a better option; it’s obvious that my ‘surge’ is the only viable option.”

Monkey SurgeDavid Gregory, from a less informative news channel called NBC, corrected the President’s suggestion that nobody else has come up with “a Plan” for Iraq. Mr. Gregory said;

“Mr. President, that’s patently untrue! The Democrats have produced a plan. In fact, Senators Joe Biden and Jack Reed have produced a plan as well as Congressman Jack Murtha! Senator Biden, as a matter of fact, has written extensively on the subject. Have you even looked at their plans?

President Bush cut him off and whined; “But I’m the Decisioner! And if I say there ain’t another plan out there: Then there truly is no other plan.

Joe BooshMr. Gregory, attempting to sound like a professional journalist was about to counter the President’s interruption when Senator Joe Lieberman suddenly appeared from behind President Bush looking disheveled and seemed to try and help the President pull his trousers back up. Senator Leibermann then turned to Mr. Gregory and said;

The other alternatives–the main alternative that the opponents of what the President has done are offering is to simply begin to withdraw. And the theory there is that somehow if you with– I mean some people want to withdraw because they just want to get out. They think the thing–They want to give up. They think the thing is not winnable. I’m afraid they don’t agree with me that the consequences of pulling out would be a disaster for everybody, including most important, us. But some say if you begin to withdraw, then Maliki and the other Iraqis will say ‘Oh, my God, they’re leaving. We got to get our act together. I don’t think so. I think what is more likely is that the Iraqi politicians will begin to hedge their bets, and the militias and the Al Qaeda terrorists will just hold back until the day we’re gone, and then chaos will break out, and unfortunately as McCain says, we’ll probably be back there in a larger war, you know, two, three, four, five years from now. I think this is our chance, so I’d guess I’d say to you in war–There’s a famous old saying that war is a series of catastrophes that ends up in victory for one side, and right now I’d say this plan is the best next step we’ve got. Let’s hope it works, pray it works, and if it doesn’t, then we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do then.

The Senator then dipped behind the President again, this time amid a flurry of kissing sounds.

In other news, the term “faggot” has become a media favorite for conservatives. With origins going back to the time of the witchcraft trials in the early 1200’s in Europe, usage of the derogatory term to reference gay and lesbians has become again for conservative pundits like Glenn Beck on CNN Headline News. In an odd turn of hypocracy, CNN allowed the usage of the derogatory name without hesitation, and yet – when Bill Mahr mentions that Ken Mehlman on Larry King Live, former chairman of the Republican National Convention might be gayCNN edited the transcript, the video which re-aired later in the week, removed the video from YouTube and sent out legal briefs to anybody who carried the uncensored version on their websites.

The word has become popular with “Jesus People” as well! Donnie Davies, a self-described “former homosexual” and “minister”, recently came out with a lively little tune about how much God’s love is regulated only to those who aren’t “a faggot”. According to Davies’ song, God hates faggots, and let’s face it: “It’s only a choice anyway”. Davies recorded the song made a video to go along with the song, and then uploaded it to YouTube, MySpace and Google Video. All three removed the video immediately, while YouTube has many spoofs of the original now posted in its place. Current TV, who’s parent corporation is Google, has run a pod-cast of their take on Donnie Davies, including information that you might not even know!

SimpsonsIn a historic moment heard around the world, Jesus Christ appeared in front of Donnie Davies and kicked his ass. Violence has broke out all over the world as a result, with people buying “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets and then beating up the clerk who rang up the purchase.

Last Saturday (Jan 27, 2007), Goddess-extrodinaire Pam of Pams House Blend discovered that Donnie Davies is not only a homophobe and an idiot, but he’s also an actor from the Dallas/Ft Worth metropolitan area. JoeyJoel Oglesby Oglesby has appeard on stage in shows like “Debbie Does Dallas, the Musical” and a comedy sketch troupe called “Chicken & Pickles Guys”. Obviously, these are shows that promote heterosexual lifestyles as “wonderful” if not a bit “fabulous”. *

On Friday (Jan 26th) the actor Joey Oglesby playing the part of Donnie Davies appeared again on YouTube to point out the pain he’s endured because people have laughed at him for being overweight. The short video opens with him talking excitedly about all of the attention his “God Hates a Fag” video has gotten and complains bitterly that it’s been removed from all of the popular video-websites. He then gets seriously upset because people have made fun of his weight. He finishes with jubilation on the love of Jesus Christ and says; “…But God hates you”.

No word yet whether Jesus Christ has re-appeared to kick his ass all over again.

Since the days of then House Majority Leader Dick Army called Congressman Barney Frank, “Barney Fag” on a radio show in 1995, conservatives have picked up on the word as media-magnet to attract attention to themselves. CNN isn’t alone in the debacle either. MSNBC enjoys the word so much, Chris Matthews pumped-up his penil implant when Ann Coulter said on his show that Al Gore was “a total fag” in July 06. Matthews, with his three inch puptent showing, excitedly promised his viewers to have her on the show again.

Bush and DickExpecting a word of caution to come from “Dr” Laura Schlessinger to point out what happened when she called gays and lesbians a “biological error”, nothing has been heard from her or her Rabbi.

That’s all there is for Fruit Fly News. We thank you for tuning in! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night!

* Fruit Fly News network has tried to contact Pam at Pams House Blend to get her the unedited and uncensored version of the video that hasn’t been ripped down. However, her system requires that we “open an account” to even speak on her blog. Since there are so many accounts created already, one would simply give up and let her find it on her own.

Fruit Fly News: Thanksgiving Day In Jail

Frizzie McBeeGood evening and welcome to Fruit Fly News, my name is Frizzie McBee.

In the news today we have learned that a human rights group based in the United States has filed a lawsuit against the US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld in Germany. Under German law, lawsuits against any crime originating anywhere in the world, can be filed. To make matters worse for the former Secretary of Defense, the Center for Constitutional Rights has more evidence of torture in Guantanamo and the Presidential act of firing Mr. Rumsfeld in their favor as the same lawsuit was filed in 2004 and rejected.

Mr. Ratner plans to include the testimony of Al-Qahtani among other things to present if the German courts decide to persuit the case.

“Al-Qahtani was a man who the US alleged is al-Qaeda, who is in Guantanamo. The entire torture log of al-Qahtani over a period of two months was exposed,” Mr Ratner told the BBC.

Foreign CorrespondentHearing this news has caused a great deal of excitment throughout the country with the most noteable question: “What is life like for prisoners in European countries?” For more on this, we go to our foreign correspondent; Timmy von Furstenberg. Timmy, what can you tell us?

Hello Frizzie! I’m here in Duesseldorf and I haven’t seen this much excitement in years! Berliners, remembering the war crimes of sixty years ago, are showing their enthusiasm that this man Donald Rumsfeld by having parades and a beer celebration called “Oktoberfest”.

camp cupcakeThat’s wonderful news Timmy, but about their jail system. Do they have chain-gangs? Are their jails more brutal than ours? Will Mr. Rumsfeld have to protect himself with a shiv? …say an old toothbrush where the handle has been made into a stabbing device?

No Frizzie, I’m afraid not. This is Europe! This the land of “über-liberals” who have no shame and to make matters worse; they’re socialists! Here, Germans love to go to jail! Many of them go to jail for their yearly vacation in exchange for going to someplace dangerous… say Disney World or Miami!get out of jail

“The Donald”, as they’ve nicknamed him here will have no problems, unless he forgets his sunscreen. It does get warm here in central Germany.

And finally Timmy, if they did arrest him and he was found guilty of war crimes, do you know what jail or penitentiary he will be sent?

Yes Frizzie. Germany has a great big prison for all of those Nazi’s that were rounded up at the end of World War II. Most of those prisoners have died, serving out their own life sentance. So, that gives more room for Germans to go take their vacations, as well as give up some acreage for “The Donald’s” prison cell. I’ve been told that there will be plenty of room for him to play golf and install an Olympic sized pool. I won’t give you the name of the jail in German, but in English it translates: “The Jail That’s For Really Really Really Bad People and Those that Just Need a Vacation”. Frizzie, back to you.

Thank you Timmy.

In other news, Congressman Charlie Rangel (D-NY) is calling for renewing the Military Draft. Congressman Rangle was quoted by saying; “Horrifying Isn’t It I have a great idea: Let’s re-instate the draft and write it so that only crazy Republican congressmen and women are the ones that get drafted.” Wouldn’t that be a hoot?! It would be just lovely to see Senator Elizabeth Dole in a “pickle” on a boot camp somewhere in Fayetteville, North Carolina.”

While Bush is sucking the life out of our troops with back-door drafts, extended tours of duty, and recalling grandmothers to return to military, all it took was Charlie Rangel (D-NY) to murmur about “the Draft” and the rich and wealthy dove deep into a vicious rant. Paris Hilton was quoted to say:

“Oooo!! Those horrible and nasty Liberals!!! How dare they insist that we ‘serve’…. We don’t ‘serve’… We don’t even know how to serve!! Duh!!!!”

Meanwhile, the Republicans are already building up their war chest to tar and feather both Congresswoman Nancy Pilosi (D-CA) and Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) with a coordinated effort.

“Two years of Pelosi gives a good idea of what four years of Hillary will be like,” said Tom DeLay [while picking out the drapes for his own jail-cell], the Republican powerbroker who ran his party in the House before he was caught up in a lobbyist corruption scandal. ” They are both committed liberals and we will make that clear to the American people.”

So, the expection from the Democratically controlled Congress will be simple. Nancy Pilosi will be stealing tons of money from Indian casinos, and rumors will fly speculating on Hillary Clinton’s sexual orientation because she’s emailing her Congressional pages. And in two years time Senator Clinton, Reid and Kerry give away Habeus Corpus again. This gives the Republican party plenty to crab and complain about the Democrats.

All in JailIn other news, those Republicans who found themselves out of a job from the last-term election are busy with their personal closeted gay decorators. As Bob Noe, the GOP Fundraiser said; “Getting an 18 year jail sentance is along time! I have my needs you now!” Many Republicans are simply moving their office furniture and their files to their local penitentiary where they’ll await sentancing and transferring to the newly built “Republican Penetentiary”. Consider the newest Republican in Ohio that was slapped with a $139,000 fine and was given 18 years in jail. Tom Noe’s biggest expense was renovating his house in the Florida Keys. Of course, true to “Conservative Family Values”, Mr. Noe’s motto has been: “Spend tax payer money liberally on your vacation home, tell everybody that you’re a’ conservative’. The only people that will believe you… conservatives!”

Noe declined to make a statement before sentencing and stared blankly, his upper lip twitching, as his punishment was handed down.

Defense attorney John Mitchell had asked for the minimum 10-year sentence, saying that other high-profile criminals had received less time for taking more money. The lawyer also assured the judge that Noe’s offense “was a one-time crime.”

A speculative guess remains: That the judge heard the Defense attorney whining and hoping for a 10 year sentance and he gave it to him, but he added 8 years just for that trembling upper lip.

Nancy Grace and CNN Headline News is being sued by theNancy Grace Duckette family. You might remember that Melinda Duckette was grilled by Nancy Grace who all but accused her for the demise of her missing son. The following day, Ms Duckette shot herself in the head. CNN Headline News is keeping in step with the Rabid Right Wingers by saying:

“We stand by Nancy Grace and fully support her, as we have from the beginning of this matter.”

Alegedly, Nancy Grace called Ms. Duckette and encouraged her to come on the show, noting that it would increase visibility and more could be looking for her son. Ms. Duckette, unfortunately, was harassed by Nancy Grace and all but outright accused her of being the perpetrator.

ambulance chaserNancy Grace, who is a life-long careered prosecutor was asked how it will feel to be a defendant for the first time. Grace replied: “Oh don’t go there Sunshine…By the time I get done with the f@$@!!$$%^ prosecutor, he’ll be pleading ‘guilty’ for being a bed-wetter when he was 16!”

The warden of the Republican Penetentiary said they’ve built the facility to be co-ed. In the most bizarre fashion, we’ve learned that Nancy Grace has hired a lesbian to pick out the drapes for her jail cell.

Thank you for joining us tonight. As always, we appreciatefrizzie mcbee your time and your interest. On behalf of the staff of Fruit Fly News, we wish you all a great Thanksgiving. My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.

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