Found on Gov Pawlenty’s desk



Dear Governor Polenty of Minniesotah,

Thankyou for your hosptalty last August in Minniesotah. I hadlunchjelly such a grate time seeing you and looking at your crashed brige.

When I was ther, I told you and your Minniesotah peoples that I would be shure to get you the monee as quick as possibly well. And I intended to keep that promis. As you no, the Democratics are in charge of the Congresses and we have two wars thats still going on. I am shure you and the rest of you Minniesotahns will be patience for the monee to get to you.

I told Pikles all of the time that I thought it was just terribl to see all of those cars in the water in that river you gots. Pikles had a fancy name for the river – callin’ it a Mrs some-thin’ or other. I laugheded at her and said you caint marry a river any more than you can marry another woman! Pikles laughed and smashed her cigrett butt into my sandwitch.

And so I thinks thats all I wanted to say. I might not be able to boobiesgive you any monee because the Democratics might hold it up in my funding my too warz. But hold on! And dont give up. Ills keep tryin!

Tomorrow is thursday. I like thursdays. I get jello on thursday. Last weeek I gots jello and it has bananans in it and I so I throo it at the lady waater and called her a bich! HA! She was scard and ran awaa.

Jenna wrot a book. It s a good one about a brown lady that live in centrul amerika that had a babe. I will tell my sekretairee to send you a copee. Jenna is the only on in our famly who kan write good. Ever since she got bak from paraguay, shes been askin to write a book. Shes our first auther in the famlee.

My sekretairee went out for koffeee so now you no that I aint good with spellin werds. Pleez dont tell anybodee.

O! I almos forgot. Kan you see if you kan ask Reprezentitive Micheal Bachmann for a picshure of her boobs. Shes really hot!!

Since earlee,

GWB Signature

Bush drawing

Found in Michele Bachmann’s Diary

Dear Diary

August 23, 2007

Yesterday was the most thrilling day of my life. I had such a wonderful time, I don’t know where to even begin.

While Congress was in recess, the Interstate 35W bridge collapsed and killed thirteen non-believers. But that wasn’t the best part. All of us from the Minnesota delegation got word that God’s Blessedly Appointed President of the United States was flying in on His Angel’s Wings to view the wreckage.

It so amazing to comprehend the reality that President Bush actually cares about these dead unbelievers! But was even more fantastic was when I realized he might be coming to Minnesota just to see me!kissies

I mean, President Bush is so… Oh I don’t know how to describe him…. He’s so handsome! The last time I had been with him here in Minnesota, we let Karl Rove tag along while the two of us got intimate over custard ice-cream at Glaciers Custard and Coffee Café in Wayzata. Now that I think of it, it was almost exactly a year ago! That means, if I would have let George have his way with me back then, God would have blessed us with a child that would be three months old! I wish we could have gotten rid of Rove.

So while we’re at the wreckage of the I-35W bridge, Laura Bush kept giving me dirty looks. Scowling at me and I think she mouthed the word “b-i-t-c-h” once while she was hiding behind the Presidential limousine trying to light a cigarette. She’s such a doll! What a sweetie. But if that nasty little cupcake can’t make God’s Anointed sexually happy, it would be a blessing for me to step in her place.

kissiesThere he was, standing on the 10th Avenue bridge looking at the wreckage next to the Governor and I couldn’t help myself by checking him out. There was this little breeze and the rear flap of the President’s suit coat flipped up and I have to say; the President has the best looking rump I’ve seen on any man in my life. It looks firm, and so round…and manly! He has those wide manly shoulders and those thick fingers. Marcus has that ugly flat-iron type of rump and his fingers are smooth, like a womans. And Marcus’ lips are full and icky while George’s lips are thin…and manly.

Everybody stood around and chatted. Laura returned smelling like a pack of Pall-Malls and she glared at me again, I think. Senator Amy Klobuchar was shaking her head chatting with some non-believers and Senator Norm Coleman kept looking staring at some woman’s breasts, I think it was his wife.

All of a sudden, George spotted me and that’s when I leaked akissies little pee in my panties. He pushed Governor Pawlenty out of the way (who almost fell over the railing) and came running after me! He grabbed me in those tree-trunks he calls arms and dipped me really low and kissed me long and deeply. His tongue, wrapped around my tongue, his hands holding me ever so strong. I could feel his bulge pulsing against my thigh. Every muscle in my body simply released, I think I might have even let out one of those silent farts. My entire body simply went limp; I was his and his forever.

I mean, I was being kissed by someone God Almighty had selected to be the President of the Free World! The fire of God when through me! I mean, this is what God meant for me when he called me to go Washington: To be put together with George just then, high above the mighty Mississippi, kissing me, loving my body. I was once again, that Fool for Christ.

He lifted me up and we stood there nose-to-nose and for one second, we were of one mind, of one intimate though. I was at the brink of loosing it. He smiled at me with those tiny little yellow teeth and I knew then that he really missed me.

kissiesHe was about to hug me and kiss me again when Laura broke my gaze. She was glaring at me like a hot Texas fire-brand. George pulled me in for another hug and kiss but I put both hands firmly on his chest and pushed back. He looked shocked, and hurt.

He said: “What? You don’t want to embrace?”

But I realized that if Laura could find the keys, she’d run me over with any of the parked cars in the area. Quickly, I said;

The people of Minnesota love you Mr. President, but I think one kiss was enough.”

He suddenly realized we were surrounded by lots and lots of people! He grinned wisely and his hand slid down by back and stopped on my own cute little bottom and I grinned back at him. He smirked as if he understood the same thought, that we could be giving off signals that would make tongues wag. And I think he also understood that one day soon (I hope), the two of us would share the same bed and we would make a passionate love that would make angels cry.

The President’s detail interrupted us and he waskissies whisked away. I was singing Jesus’ praises in my heart, and I went back to our limousine. I found Marcus in the front seat next to our driver re-applying his strawberry flavored Chap-stick using the rear-view mirror. I got into the back and Marcus joined me and we took off and that’s when Marcus and I go into a little bit of a fight.

I was so flushed with love, I had to tell him that President Bush gave me a little kiss. (I didn’t dare tell my husband the lust I have for the President!!) We were in the back of the limousine and and I’m starting to tell him about meeting President Bush. And when I got to the part where the President kissed me, Marcus interrupted me and said; “He did?! What was it like? Was it like a hard kiss or one of those quick soft kisses?”

I said; “Marcus! Don’t interrupted me!” and then I remembered my slightly damp panties and asked him for a tissue out of his purse.

And I’m continuing with my story by saying; “…George was about to hug me and I said…” Marcus interrupted me again and said; “Was it a strong hug? Because whenever he hugs me, it’s that wonderful manly-kind of hugs, you know?!”

I said; “Marcus! You’ve interrupted me again!”

He said; “Just tell me! Was it like a manly, firm, tight…manly kind of hugs?”!

That’s when I had heard enough. I said: “If you’re going to keep interrupting me, then I’m not going to tell you.”

Well, I hear Marcus downstairs talking to Senator Larry Craig again. I guess I should close here. Marcus’ X-Gay program at his psychiatry firm is going veryFruitFly 6 well! Ever since he converted Pastor Ted Haggard to be one hundred percent heterosexual, he’s been getting lots of calls from Republicans from all over the country! State representative Bob Allen will be staying with us while he’s being treated by Marcus next month and Glenn Murphy will be visiting us in October!

Until next time…

Mrs. Michele Bush…


Found on a Doorstep

doorstephouseflyMSNBC’s Kieth Olbermann is AFK (away from keyboard) because he’s now missing his appendix. It means we’ll be stuck with that blond girl for the next day or so.

houseflySec of State Condi Rice is now officially a lesbian. Well, sort of… She shares ownership of a home in Palo Alto with a liberal progressive documentary film maker. The woman is single, never been married and is considered Dr. Rice’s closest friend. Oh…and the woman’s lasts name is “Bean”. Obviously, the home’s mailbox proudly says; “Rice and Bean’s“.

houseflySenators John Kerry (D-MA) and John McCain (R-AZ) were on Meet the Press on Sunday. When the fight was over, McCain had a broken arm, a wrenched back a bloody-lip and one tooth was missing. Kerry walked away as the declared winner with only a black-eye.

houseflyThe Flying Nun has a foul mouth – But thankfully, FOX was there to protected us from the profanity. Click here if you want to hear the uncensored version, but remember: Jesus will hate you for it.

houseflyMinneapolis’ famous bridge remains collapsed. No money has been received from the feds, no agreements on rebuilding the bridge, no contracts to the bridge and the Mayor leaves for US Conference of Mayors embarrassed and ashamed. Said Minnesota’s Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty: “So what? The mayor has plenty of other roads available! Why are these Democrats such jerks! Gimme Gimme Gimme! That’s all they whine about…!!!”

Update: Another bridge in Minneapolis has been closed. It’s been discovered that the foundation, built in 1905, has shifted about eleven inches from it’s original position. The decking of the bridge was last replaced in 1958. Note: MN DOT isn’t doing anything about this bridge – it’s a county project and the Governor kept making “whiny” noise-imitations when he was told about this bridge closing.

houseflyThe Chinese have generously given Hawai’i a boat load of poisonous spiders, which they didn’t want in the first place. US Customs officials, understaffed and under paid aren’t sure of what to do about it. Perhaps killing them would be appropriate? Said one Customs official: “Thankfully, al Queda hasn’t figured out the shipping industry yet.”

houseflyRepublican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney uses St Vincent’s Hospital in New York City to explain why Hillary Clinton’s health care plan is stupid and how much the Mormon church hates sick mommies and daddies. St Vincent’s Hospital objected to being used as a prop for political reasons, and Romney’s team shot back: “Who cares what St Vincent’s thinks?”

houseflyCurentTV’s Super News has a new issue out that’s fun. It accurately depicts the Republican Party’s young people in a timeless episode spoofing the movie “The Hills“.

houseflyJim Ramstad (R-MN 3rd CD) has just announced (less than an hour ago) that he will not be running for re-election in 2008. When asked why he said; “Two reasons! One ..! Because Michele Bachmann keeps hitting on me and whining that her husband is gay. Two..! Because I don’t wantFruitFly 6 to be representing the minority party in Congress for the next twenty years!”

Update: Minnesota’s GOP Chair, Ron Carey, has announced that auditions for Congressman Ramstad’s Republican replacement will be held at a Mens Room at the Minneapolis/St Paul Airport…which is now a tourist trap.

Hostages in Southern Minnesota – Bridge Still Down

Southern Minnesota gets the flood relief they needed this morning at 2:45AM. Governor Tim Pawlenty (R-John McCain Loser) timidly called a “special session” of the Minnesota legislature after holding all of southern Minn hostage. Under Minnesota law, only the governor can call a special session of the Minnesota legislature, and once it has begun only the legislature can conclude. Governor Pawlenty starved southern Minnesota from any relief until the DFL promised not to bring up the I-35W issue.

Pawlenty got his way (ofProwar Moran course), he got his legislation, the DFL was honest and agreed to the deal by keeping the I-35 funding issues off the table. Pawlenty will now get to claim himelf as a hero to southern Minnesota and they’ll be too relieved to care that they were all used as political hostages.

Only one vote dissented on the deal and that was DFL Ann Rest (which is my senator, btw). Her reasoning? She wasn’t willing to be a hypocrite and vote for relief for southern Minnesota while the Governor continues to ignore Minneapolis residents, commuters, transportation, river transportation and everything else that’s hinging on the I-35W bridge. Good job Ann! There’s a senator who’s thinking like a real politician.

In other “Not so surprising news”: No funding has been received from the Federal Government. Not one single red cent! Both Minnesota Senators Klobuchar (D) and Coleman (R-Losing to Ciresi) claimed a $195M bill that just cleared the US Senate yesterday. (woo-hoo!) But it still has to clear the US House and then it has to clear Bush (who will obviously a.) tack on more money for his OIL War or b.) will veto it because there’s not enough money tacked on for his OIL war.

Said Governor Pawlenty while the ink was drying on his Southern Minnesota bill:

I will tell you that the President of the United States, the Secretary of Transportation and every member of the Minnesota congressional delegation has looked us in the eye and absolutely promised that the money would be there in a timely fashion, so we’re counting on that”

LoooserNobody bothered offered Pawlenty the phone numbers to Governor Kathleen Sebelius (D-Kansas) and Governor Kathleen Blanco (D-Louisiana). Pawlenty stupidly still believes that Bush Co still cares about Americans.

The legislature can now look forward to more bills being vetoedbelieve by Pawlenty while his henchmen and political generals will be out in full force screaming that the DFL “isn’t cooperating” and “isn’t willing to work with the governor” and “should be more sympathetic to the tax payers”. As long as the DFL let them play offense and let drowning Minnesotans be Pawlenty’s punching-bags, we’ll hear tons more out of this Grand Old Perversion. “Those Democrats…they just don’t know how to work with the Governor!” “The DFL hates you!” “The DFL, all they wanna do is raise your taxes!” “These Democrats…They just don’t love America!”

Can you smell the bullshit all ready?!!

The DFL just demonstrated on how to work with a Republican Governor (as they have been all year now). Let’s see how crappy the Governor will be working with the DFL and we’ll count how many times it’ll be the DFL’s fault.

In case you were wondering – Lt Governor Carol Molnau still hasn’t been charged with Negligence or Third Degree murder for the I-35W bridge. In fact, she hasn’t been charged with any crime…so far. Have you notice any form of humility coming out of Molnau’s office? Any big announcement from Molnau’s office saying: “We should do better…and we can do better!?!” No, of course you haven’t. Since Republicans are patently perfect in every way, it’s obvious Molnau’s shit just don’t stink.

A law firm has opened a case toFruitFly 6 investigate why the bridge collapsed and that’s being built faster than the bridge itself. We can only assume Lt Governor will be moving out of the state before she’s gets formally charged and perp-walked to the police department for booking.