The “Purification” of the GOP (The Matzo ball Soup Lunch)

Matzo ballC’mone in! Come on! Oh, don’t worry about your shoes, they’re fine. I’m so glad youLox came! C’mon sit down! “Take a load off!” as they say. Sit! Sit! I’m in the middle of my lunch; a little bit of smoked Lox and a bowl of Matzo ball soup. You want some?! No? I don’t blame you. I’ve discovered I’m not too much of a fan of the stuff. The Lox is okay but the soup? I dunno. Let’s put it this way: I am no longer curious as to why there aren’t any television shows focusing on Jewish cuisine on that Food Network channel.

The Matzo balls are okay – but the broth is pretty thin – huh? Oh no, no, no…I’m not Jewish. I’m gay, so I have a natural affinity for anything that comes accessorised with balls. You should see my Christmas tree! Oy Vey! I’ve got more swinging balls on my tree than you can count at a gay pride parade!. No, I just thought I’d try it and see what it tastes like…

Here…let me show you something. Check this out:

Gay Republicans come out of the closet

This is the funniest article I’ve read in months. This is a piece written about a gay couple in South Carolina who’s “coming out of the ‘Gay Closet’ and hoping the South Carolina GOP will be welcoming them with open arms.

The article is all about the GOP is being shunned in every aspect of America society. Concerned, more and more RepublicanPig Lipstick gay and lesbian people are joining the Log Cabin Republicans: “Because they’re worried about the party extinction”. I’m paraphrasing, I know. Go ahead and read it yourself. But the real gem is on the third page.

The conversation revolves around this one (minor) hope in the link between Rudy Giulinani and the LCR’s. Guiliani of course, hangs with the Manhattan queens in between marriages, and his very weird attraction for going out in drag. Noel Freeman out of the Houston (Texas) Chapter finds comfort in Giuliani:

“I think it is refreshing to see a prominent Republican who is supportive of our issues doing so well,” said Noel Freeman, who is head of Log Cabin’s Houston chapter.

Gay Republican activists say the party needs to expand its base if it wants to remain relevant by shedding its anti-abortion and anti-gay rights platforms and aiming for the political center on social issues.

houseflyBut then Freeman drops the bomb on page 3 and I think it’s not only an accurate statement, but a very funny one too:

“I’m afraid that the Republican Party is going to make itself so pure that it will be able to meet in a phone booth,” said Freeman.

LOL! They’re comin’ to the Twin Cities next year to hang out in our PHONE BOOTHS! ALL SEVEN OF THEM!

Oh dear, I just think that’s too funny… Who needs the Xcel Energy center when you can rent a couple of telephone booths and your delegates and call in their votes with a quarter?

An Coulter…And for a political party who’s idolatry involves capitalism and Mens Restrooms, you’d think they would be looking for voters to buy into their greed and their wars. No. They’re chasing them away. Check out their Great White Princess, Ann Coulter. At 46, she’s the only one who thinks she’s attracting votes with a micro-mini and a mouth that could suck the chrome off a trailer-hitch. We’re seriously running out of groups she hasn’t vented on either. Let’s see; there are the 911 widows, women’s suffrage in general (Coulter doesn’t think women are smart enough to vote) and her newest group: The Jews. Coulter thinks Jews need to be “perfected“. Now that Ann Coulter is sounding an aweful lot like Joseph Goebbels, she is no friend to the GOP. And yet they can’t help but buy her books and give her air-time just to watch her do her best hair-flip.Malkin Enemy

I’m sorry. I’m being rude. Can I get you some coffee? Tea? Coffee?! Oh good! I have a fresh brew of some of Starbucks beans. I’ll be right back…

…So if they’re not pissing off the Jews, women and the 9-11 widows, who’s next?!! Sugar or cream?! They’ll focus on the Asian Americans of course! Michelle Malkin, a Filipino-American and über-conservative herself, runs out and says

 

“Hillary campaign contributors” who were “smellier than stinky tofu.”

Honestly: How much hypocrisy are the American voterBlack Garbage Fly expected to buy from these … people? Malkin goes on a rant on the topic in her piece entitled:

Spanking Asian-American grievance-mongers again

Hypocrite Card

…where she says:

“If it’s ‘ethnic profiling’ to be extra-careful of Chinatown donors who can’t speak English, live in dilapidated buildings, have never voted, can’t tell Hillary Clinton from Hunan Chicken or simply can’t be found, then ‘ethnic profiling’ should be the standard procedure of every responsible campaign.”

Malkin played her Hypocrite card with that one. She must have been “feeling” her groove while she was out on that field trip visiting the Frost family and terrorizing their neighborhood. Putting the kibosh on the SCHIP for families who can’t afford health insurance for their kids was a HUGE coup d’état for the GOP. Malkin terrorizing the Frost familyWicked drew the largest applause from Ebeneezer Scrooge, Blue Cross/Blue Shield and Elphaba Thropp. Her latest in spoofing the Asian-American community by declaring their incompetence proved her willingness to be nothing but a three-dollar whore for the Hate-Party of the GOP.

The GOP’s hatred of children isn’t lost on some “poor” little brats either. Locally here in Minnesota, former state representative Phil Krinkie (now chairman of the Minnesota Tax Payer League) is calling to jettison mentally handicapped and physically challenged children from our local school districts. He thinks they should be shunted into isolated “special schools” where it’ll be easier to defund their education Deer Flyand leave those kids to get their education behind their neighbor’s garbage cans. Krinkie also wants class sizes expanded to 200 to 300 students per class because it more “closely reflects what college life would be like.” (Watch the video here.) Funny, don’t you think? Phil Krinkie wants class sizes at 300 students, but there’s no talk about school teachers getting professor-sized salaries.

And the in-fighting within the party ranks is both witty and delightful. The James Dobson crowd has all but bailed on the entire GOP ticket. The Evangelicals have declared a military junta against the GOP if Giuliani or Romney win the nomination. Holding a debate at a predominantly African-American university, the GOP’s top four most popular candidates simply failed to show up, snubbing the entire African-American community. Their wanna-be website “Redstate” was created to look like the progressive/liberals DailyKos site: a one-stop shopping experience for everythinghousefly conservative, political and Whitey. They decided to kick out their members who are excited about Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul.

“Effective immediately, new users may *not* shill for Ron Paul in any way shape, form or fashion. Not in comments, not in diaries, nada. If your account is less than 6 months old, you can talk about something else, you can participate in the other threads and be your zany libertarian self all you want, but you cannot pimp Ron Paul. Those with accounts more than six months old may proceed as normal.”RNC 2008

Can we scratch off any expectations that Ron Paul supporters will be showing up in Minneapolis/St Paul next year? We’ve already scratched off the Asians, the Jews, African-Americans, Evangelical Christians and women (especially the 9-11 Widows). OH! I forgot: ..and every American voter making less than $80,000 annually who have children and can’t afford health insurance.

Then there are the parents who have children who are handicapped and any parents who appreciate small class sizes.

To be fair to the Gestapo good folks over a Redstate, they have rescinded the ban on Ron Paul supporters. Andrew Sullivan opened his site on The Dish for the little jihadist geeks to gush over their favorite on his site and Redstate took an offense to it. Andrew Sullivan is gay you see…And well…Redstate well, we all know what Republicans thing about The Gays. But in the meantime; we can all THANK GOD for the Log Cabin Republicans are worried about the extinction of the GOP!! Can you think of anybody else that are worried?

We’re now thinking the 2008 Republican Convention campaign is going to be nothing but a KKK rally high on Red Bull.

KKK

Their fighting within the political ranks are becoming more apparent as well as within their own blogospheres. It’s almost like watching championship Halo III tournaments in slow-mo.

Late September, the National Republican Campaign Committee chair Tom Cole (R-OK) was threatening to resign. If he did, then John Boehner (R-OH) was going to have the two most senior positions fired immediately. It’s right here – check it out:

In a recent meeting in the minority leader’s office, Boehner told Cole that he was displeased at how the NRCC is being run. Republican sources say Boehner wants to replace Pete Kirkham, the NRCC’s executive director, and Terry Carmack, its political director, with more “aggressive” people with a more “realistic” view on next year’s elections, sources said.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. After Boehner slaps Cole around like a butcher with a slab of beef, Cole starts yelling at his employees in German saying…here…right here:

After the meeting, an angry Cole called together the NRCC staff and told them [in perfect German] that if they were not happy working at the committee, they might want to consider leaving immediately, said several GOP insiders. That Cole outburst occurred last Monday, said the sources.

mosquitoBut the fight going on isn’t with staffing and leadership at all. The real in-fighting is coming out of a really stressed out Republican party. Because all you have to do is let your be-jeweled finger scroll down the piece and find the magic bullet …there:

The NRCC has raised $34.6 million this cycle, compared with $43.6 million by the DCCC, although the big difference is cash-on-hand, where Democrats have a huge advantage: $22 million in cash, compared with the NRCC’s $1.6 million.

The NRCC also has $4 million in outstanding debt left over from the 2005-06 cycle, down from nearly $11 million at the beginning of the year, according to its latest filing with the Federal Election Commission. The Democrats’ debt is $3.1 million.

Now that I’m thinking about it, let me call St Paul mayor Chris Coleman and make sure these itchy Republican parasites have enough to pay for their GOP Presidential campaign election!

They’ve already begun to eat their own. Larry Craig wanted to attend a GOP NRSC fundraiser in the sunshiny resort area of Sea Island, GA. NRSC staffers had to call Craig’s office to let him know that he wasn’t invited even though he circled “YES” on the RSVP. The NRSC chair, Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) has been blasting Craig’s behavior and everybody realizes that the Party Pervert is a huge drag on fund-raising.

Look, it’s like Martin Niemoeller said:

In Germany they came first for the commmunists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Niemoeller was wrong. You’ll always have Noel Freeman and a handful of Log Cabin Republicans who’ll speak up for you. They’ll go to any mile, any length to save the GOP. The more the GOP hates them, the greater the appeal. And when everybody in America hates these GOP parasites, they’ll always have the gays and lesbians who’ll worry about them.FruitFly 6

Are you sure about that soup? I can get you a cup if you’d prefer. Do you want to take some home with you? I can get a “go cup” and you can just heat it up in the microwave. How about some Lox?!

Friday’s Funnies and Foibles

I, the Great and Amazing Fruitfly, will hand you some yummy bits of rotting fruit for you to share with your friends tonight after work. What could be better? You’re at a TGI Fridays sipping on one of their extra-large glasses of frosty cold beer, all of your friends are sitting around, laughter is everywhere and everybody’s relieved that Friday has finally found fun time. (Is that enough “F” words for you?”!)

Teri Hatcher’s Bush SpankLet’s deal with the “Famous FruitFly Foible” first: “Who has the character flaw?”. Why, that would be President George Bush, Number 41 of course! While in Los Angeles to attend an awards ceremony has lunch with Desperate Housewives’s star Teri Hatcher. While they parted ways in the parking lot, GHW Bush gives Ms. Hatcher a wet kissy and then smacks her on the ass. There’s even a short video shot of it if you don’t believe me. So the Friday Foible goes to Ms. Hatcher for even having lunch with the old goat in the first place!

Wonkette‘s piece on this story is the funniest take I’ve seen in ages. (God loves a Wonkette.) OfQuacker Bush course, GHWB has already denied the action, but who could blame him for that? Terri Hatcher is much more attractive than waking up next to the Quaker Oats man every morning for sixty-three years.

Pheonix Woman (a.k.a. Mercury Rising) is speculating that Newt Gingrich is going to throw his hat into the ring for Presidential Candidate. Newtie (as his mother affectionally called him) was interview by James Dobson of Focus on the Family where he made his relgious “mea culpa” for his past deeds as a womanizer, wife ditcher and a dead-beat dad. Gingrich said:

Gingrich tells Dobson that he has “gotten on his knees and sought God’s forgiveness” for his personal failings.

With all of the Republican Candidates, I think it’s safest to say that Newtie Gingrich, so far, has the most number and the most horrific skeletons in the closet. Everybody seems to remember the story about Newt demanding divorce papers from his first wife as she was wheeled into the Recovery Room after surgery resulting from cancer. But you really have to sit back in “shock and awe” when you look at the abysmal low the Republican Party will go to even shove Newt Gingrich out there to run for President. My favorite quote so far from Newtie? It’s what he said about his first wife:

“She isn’t young enough or pretty enough to be the President’s wife.”

Is that sound like Presidential material to you? If not, you can swim in the bottom of Pam’s coffee cup and discuss Newtie’s hypocracy in impeaching Clinton while he excuses himself for having an affair at the same time at Pamshouseblend.

Ann Coulter hugs Matt SanchezBut while we’re talking about right wing hypocracy, have you ever checkedHannity gets Dirty Sanchez out Jesus’ General? He is heterosexually thrilled for his favorite fab new television personality Matt Sanchez.

I understand that he’s starred in a number of movies. I haven’t seen any of them, but by the titles, I’d say they must be action movies. Jawbreaker sounds like it might be the story about a cop who enforces the law with his fists. Donkey Dick is certainly a western. Didn’t Ronald Reagan also star in a movie with the same title? I’m not sure what Glory Holes Of Fame 3 or Beat Off Frenzy are about, but they sound like they might be war movies.

If course, if you don’t know about this story, you can click on the pictures of Anne Coulter with Matt or the picture of Sean Hannity with him. WARNING: The website you’ll be visiting does have some of Matt Sanchez’s best work; he’s in the buff! Of course, if you’re a big fan of gay porn, especially of Matt Sanchez (a.k.a. Rod Majors), help yourself by clicking here.

Giuliani In DragRudy Giuliani has just been horribly embarrassed by those from his own backyard: The New York City Firefighters. They’ve sent out a letter that says:

“This letter is intended to make all of our members aware of the egregious acts Mayor Giuliani committed against our members, our fallen on 9-11, and our New York City union officers following that horrific day …

“We have heard from some affiliates that Giuliani’s campaign is beginning to reach out to our locals, looking to build support. If you are contacted by the Giuliani campaign we hope you will say not just, “No,” but, “Hell no.”

NYFD was pushed away when Giuliani wanted to destroy evidence clean up the debris from the World Trade Center and allow the big rig equipment to scope up the evidence rubble and sell recycleable evidence material to China. NYFD of course, wasn’t finished trying to find their own, let alone any surivors that might still be inside and they rioted and protested and Giuliani ignored them. Oh!  And I almost forgot to tell you that if you click on the picture of Giuliani there, you’ll be whisked away in a new window to watch Giuliani’s Drag Queen Debute with Donald Trump who did not say, oddly enough, “You’re Fired”!!

Old FruitfliesWell, that’s about all I have for you today. I’ve spawned about three hundred new eggs with this chunk of melon I have here and I’m about all out of Friday’s Funnies!Did you have enough Funnies?

No?

Then perhaps you can click here and watch Monte Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl and their famous sketch: “The Argument Clinic“.

Until then…

FruitFly Power Forever!!! Me