News Flash! A Democrat found his spine! News Flash!

scooby_dooRut-roh Scooby! It would appear that Congressman John Conyers, Jr. (D-MI) has found his spine! In an unprecedented move on behalf of any Democrat, Congressman Conyers decided to write a spiffy little piece in the Washington Post today calling an investigation into the Bush Administration!

I know! I know! It’s incredible, don’t you think!! By the way – that thud you just heard was your jaw hitting the floor.  I heard it all the way over here, too!  It was more like a “thump” than it was a “thud”, don’t you think?

This week, I released “Reining in the Imperial Presidency,” a 486-page report detailing the abuses and excesses of the Bush administration and recommending steps to address them. Arthur Schlesinger Jr. popularized the term “imperial presidency” in the 1970s to describe an executive who had assumed more power than the Constitution allows and circumvented the checks and balances fundamental to our three-branch system of government. Until recently, the Nixon administration seemed to represent a singular embodiment of the idea. Unfortunately, it is clear that the threat of the imperial presidency lives on and, indeed, reached new heights under George W. Bush.

For seven years I’ve said this President was the embodiment of Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Emperor’s New Clothes“. True to the story, I’ve always felt I was the little kid in the crowd to shout out: “Yo! That dude is naked as a jaybird!!” and nobody paid me any attention. Now that Conyers has begun calling on this “Imperial President”, I can only assume he was thinking about me.

fruitfly21Conyers complains about the needless War in Iraq (and the bullcrap that Bush threw at us to go into Iraq in the first place), the Bush Administrations warrantless wiretapping of Americans, detentions and interrogations, politicizing of the US Justice Department, ravaging our regulatory system, using signing statements to override laws and silencing whistle-blowers to name just a few. (Whew! That’s a lot of bitching!) Which I think would be scratching the surface of all the crap that Bush has done. As much as I love say that Bush is an Idiot, I have to hand it to him; He was pretty good at breaking the law (and everything else on the Planet).

Conyers lays out a three-point plan, which I think is pretty good:

First, Congress should continue to pursue its document requests and subpoenas that were stonewalled under President Bush. Doing so will make clear that no executive can forever hide its misdeeds from the public.

Second, Congress should create an independent blue-ribbon panel or similar body to investigate a host of previously unreviewable activities of the Bush administration, including its detention, interrogation and surveillance programs. Only by chronicling and confronting the past in a comprehensive, bipartisan fashion can we reclaim our moral authority and establish a credible path forward to meet the complex challenges of a post-Sept. 11 world.

Third, the new administration should conduct an independent criminal probe into whether any laws were broken in connection with these activities. Just this week, in the pages of this newspaper, a Guantanamo Bay official acknowledged that a suspect there had been “tortured” — her exact word — in apparent violation of the law. The law is the law, and, if criminal conduct occurred, those responsible — particularly those who ordered and approved the violations — must be held accountable.

That’s fairly well thought out. Conyers also notes the sensitivity of the subject matter which shows credit to his intellect:

I understand that many feel we should just move on. They worry that addressing these actions by the Bush administration will divert precious energy from the serious challenges facing our nation. I understand the power of that impulse. Indeed, I want to move on as well — there are so many things that I would rather work on than further review of Bush’s presidency. But in my view it would not be responsible to start our journey forward without first knowing exactly where we are.

We cannot rebuild the appropriate balance between the branches of government without fully understanding how that relationship has been distorted. Likewise, we cannot set an appropriate baseline for future presidential conduct without documenting and correcting the presidential excesses that have just occurred. After the Nixon imperial presidency, critical reviews such as the Church and Pike committees led to fundamental reforms that have served our nation well. Comparable steps are needed to begin the process of reining in the legacy of the Bush imperial presidency.

Nicely worded and he’s absolutely correct! And, I think the topic is dead before the Washington Post even went to press. The Republican Party will find it very difficult to let Conyers, who is chairman of the Judiciary Committee, continue on with any investigation. The Republican Party will not let Bush be investigated without crying like babies. They’ll paint the picture in the media as political revenge. However, they’ll dig themselves deeper by preventing Conyers to go on ahead and investigate. “If Clinton can be impeached for getting a hummer in the Oval Office, are you saying everything Bush has done is okay?!” You see what I mean? The logic doesn’t flow.

Lastly, I think there are some Democrats who are as thick at thieves with the GOP and the Bush Administration and I don’t think they’ll be too thrilled to see the train coming at them either. You’ll never convince me that people likeFruitFly 6 Chuck Schumer (D-NY) and Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) were clueless about torture and rendition going on in Gitmo. Especially when it was Feinstein who lead the charge to go ahead and confirm Michael Mukasey as Attorney General without answering the simple question regarding water-boarding; “Is it torture?” The Dems are going to have a lot of difficulty protecting themselves during the investigation and they’ll be caught in the same pinch.

“I” is for “Impeachment”

Okay, I think I’ve figured out what happened.

KucinichCongressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH 10th) Presidential hopeful and Druidic High Priest, entered HR Bill 333 back in April 2007. Everybody snickered and giggle behind his back because as you already know, Kucinich smokes marijuana and gets his Tarot read by famous Hollywood moonbats like Shirley MacLain. Only problem is that High Priestess Nancy Pilosi already told everybody that Impeaching any of the Bush Cartel was off the table. (Pilosi is far too liberal and way too interested in working on the super-secret “Gay Agenda” to be dealing on an Impeachment case.)

Yesterday comes around and Nancy’s sex-slave Steny Hoyer (D-MD 5th) holds the floor and up comes HR Bill 333. Hoyer doesn’t want to deal with this bill and so he puts out the vote to “table it”. In other words: “Let’s ignore this bill like we did in New Orleans.” Now before he can call for a vote to “table”Hippie Chick the bill, it has to be read to the full House or Representatives. Out comes a House clerk who’s name was Willow or something and she reads the Articles of Impeachment for Dick “Darth Vader” Cheney.

Now, the dope-smoker ‘s articles of Impeachment are official in the Congressional records. Steny Hoyer thanked Willow and then told the full House that his “Safe Word” was “butt pimple”. He said that it was important that before any sexual activity began during the vote, that everybody knew what everybody else’s “safe word” was. He then repeated his own: “butt pimple”.

The Dems aren’t really interested in the bill; it reaks of mugwort and deep-fried eye-of-newt. Besides, someone had written the bill on hemp paper. The only ones that are interested in the bill are Dems that have their own Druid high priestesses and Dark Arts professors.

The Republicans are definitely not interested in Impeaching their beloved Darth Vader; so being protected on all sides by The Empires’ Storm Troopers, they immediately began voting “Hell YEAH-Let’s Table It”.

viagraHouse Minority leader John Boehner (R-OH 8th) took some erectile dysfunction tablets made by Pfizer, Inc. and all of a sudden, he had an epiphany: Here was a golden opportunity embarrass High Priestess Pilosi! If they voted against tabling it and let the bill come to the floor for a full debate…

“That little pill creates some mighty big results!” he thought. Here was a brilliant opportunity to make Pilosi look stupid in front of the United States and her “life-partner”!!

With an erection that looked like he had a decent sized pumpkin in his drawers, Boehner began pushing Storm Troopers out of his way and saying; “Get the hell out of my way! I’m John Boehner and I work for the good of The Empire!”. He tagged all of his colleagues by saying “Let’s make fun of Pilosi…this’ll be great. Let’s all vote against tabling this stupid bill and we’ll be able to debate it and make Pilosi look like a Jack-Ass! Get it?! She’s a Democrat so we can make her look like a Jack-Ass!!”donkey

All of the Republicans laughed and said; “Yeah, we get it. That’s really funny…”jackass”. Now what are we supposed to do again?”

Boehner had a very difficult time keeping their attention with that medication “problem” down in his trousers banging into them. But eventually he managed to get his message through. All of the Republicans finally understood and said; “Ooohhh! SNAP!! The Emperor and Darth Vader will be so pleased! You’re right! We can make fun of Pilosi and that stupid Dennis Kucinich too!”

One Republican said to him; “Have you had that…ehm..bulge for more than four hours?” I don’t know: It could have been a physician who asked that, but more than likely it was just another Republican closet-case.

Anyway, Steny left the sacrificial virgin on his pulpit for 15 minutes…and then a little longer…and then a little longer. And he began to realize that not only did he have to take a pee-break, but that the Republicans were are changing their votes from “Yeah Let’s Table It” to “No Way Man, Let’s Have a Debate About It!!”. Steny didn’t know what to think: On one hand, it’d take over a half hour to get all of his leather gear off so he could pee — on the other, he didn’t understand why the Republicans were being such idiots for changing the votes to “NO” and then flipping him the bird.

Steny decided to risk it and take a pee-break and to let the Republicans have all the time they needed. After an hour, the full House had their votes cast and so Steney pushed the sacrificed virgin off his pulpit and called the vote.

170 – 242

(WTOP.com and the NY Times reports that the 162 – 251, but who cares what they have to say anyway.) That means, 170 members said “Yeah..Let’s scrap Kucinich’s HR 333” and 242 who said; “Let’s not table it – Let’s debate it so we can make fun of Nancy Pilosi!!! “ewok

“We’re going to help them out, to explain themselves,” said Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX 32nd) while pulling the head off an adolescent Ewok. “We’re going to give them their day in court.”

Hoyers’ gavel, a labrys stolen from the High Priestess’ office, banged on the pulpit: “So moved. We’ll open it up to debate the Impeachment.”

Then, reality hit the Republicans like a Jedi knight’s lightsaber through their brain-pans: “What did we just do?!?! Huh?” Someone from some redneck state whimpered nervously; “Did we just vote to open the debate on the Impeachment of Darth Vader?!”

storm trooperStorm Troopers closed ranks around all of them, Vader immediately grabbed his shotgun and a little bit of pee ran up John Boehner’s leg. The Emperor sent a fleet of Incom T-65 X-Wing star fighters to hover over the House of Representatives and signed another $30 Billion contract with Boba Fett.

Sunshine, a communal-spouse of Harry Waxman (D-CA 30th) suddenly placed her blunt down gingerly and said: “Why don’t we push this off to Committee?!”

Everybody looked up to Steny Hoyer thinking: “Good idea!Love animate Let’s push it off to committee!” Patrick McHenry (R-NC 10th) winked at Hoyer and had a Congressional page pass a note up to him that said: “Your leather outfit is turning me on…call me Daddie. Love, Patty-Pat-Pat.”

Steny Hoyer grabbed another virgin, this time a brunette, sacrificed her to in the name of the Goddess Morrigan and held the vote: “Shall We Push Kucinich’s HR 333 Off To Committee?!”

The House voted again. This time:

218 194

(WTOP.com got it figured out that time.) Now the bill is in the hands of John “Big Eagle Winds” Conyers (D-MI 14th) who’s head of the House Judiciary And All Things Wicca.boehner crying

John Boehner began crying (again) and sobbing: “The Emperor will be so upset with me!! Oh goodness, I just love this country so much… He…he.. He’s just going to kill my family and he’ll boil my head and eat it for lunch!!” Storm Troopers carried Boehner off while he was wailing and begging for mercy.

peaceloveThe bill was originally co-sponsored by House Judiciary Committe members: Tammy (Dew Rain) Baldwin (D-WI 2nd) Keith (Moonbeam) Ellison (D-MN 5th), Sheila (Rainbow) Jackson-Lee (D-TX 18th), Steve (Sunflower) Cohn (D-TN 9th), Maxine (Twilight) Waters (D-CA 35th) and Hank (Sunlight) Johnson (D-GA 4th), none of whom have passed a drug test since the 2nd Grade. Now that they have more power to truly Impeach the Vader, none of them show any interest today.

Representative Conyers, an former rabid hater of the Empire, the Emperor and Darth Vader, whimped out and has decided that he’s too busy to be bothered by all of this Impeachment Bru-Ha-Ha. His sweat lodge found Judiciary spokeswiccan named “Oak Would” (who was in the middle of “The Mysts of Avalon”) and sent her out to say this:

“The committee has a very busy agenda – over the next two weeks, we hope to pass a FISA bill, to vote on contempt of Congress citations, pass legislation on prisoner re-entry, court security and a variety of other very important items. We were surprised that the minority was so ready to move forward with consideration of a matter of such complexity as impeaching the Vice President. The Chairman will discuss today’s vote with the committee members but it would seem evident that the committee staff should continue to consider, as a preliminary matter, the many abuses of this Administration, including the Vice President.” – House Judiciary Committee Spokeswoman wiccan.FruitFly 6

High Priestess Nancy Pilosi, the first Speaker of the House to create a blog off the Priestess’ coven, has absolutely NOTHING listed about HR Bill 333.

Whew!! Washington can be such a crazy place!!! Thank the Goddess I had Kagro X @ DailyKos to help me figure all that out!!

Found on under a paintcan

I’ve been annoying a few fruit bowls in the kitchen and on thePaintcan dining room table lately. Being busy means that your blog sucks, but that’s what happens anyway. In the meantime the world continues to go on with or without you and that’s just the way it goes. So here’s what I found underneath a paintcan; hopefully you’ll be able to live a bigger and heartier life because of it.

Yellow Ribbon

BILL’O (again)

Bill O’Reilly invites a retired USA colonel onto his show to discuss the Iranians who’ve taken British military hostage. Colonel Ann Wright answers his questions as they’re presented to her. BillO immediately jumps at the opportunity to point out that the retired Colonel has an opinion and an answer to the questions, and they’re not the responses he was hoping to hear. Typical of BillO, he attacks the woman verbally, and then he cuts her mike and holds her image muted while he squirms with delight that he gets to have the last word. Please don’t be squeemish: Go on ahead and watch the video, it’s about 3 minutes long and you get the idea that Colonel Wright has been punked.

Why anybody would even want to be on televison with BillO? Perhaps Colonel Wright deserves the embarrassment.

On the other hand: I do have to admire people like Bill O’Reilly; it’s stunning how well he demostrates his ability to Support Our Troops.

Monica-Gate version 2.0

Monica Goodling, a US Dept of Justice official is the liason between the Oval Office and US Attorney General’s office. She’s also a product of Regent University, that’s Pat Robertson and the 700 Club. So it’s safe to say that she’s really a liason between all three offices.

Two weeks ago, while the Gonzalez Lying to Congress case was just getting altitude in the media, Ms. Goodling was quick to aquire an attorney who was even quicker to tell the media that Ms. Goodling was planning on pleading the 5th Amendment.

“The potential for legal jeopardy for Ms. Goodling from even her most truthful and accurate testimony under these circumstances is very real,” said the lawyer, John Dowd.

Hrmm…What’s wrong with this picture?! Oh that’s right! Goodling’s attorney forgot! You can’t claim the 5th Amendment right to avoid indicting someone else. You can only plead the 5th to avoid incriminating yourself!(These Regent University students, they’re dumber after they graduate than they were before they were assigned a dorm room!)

House Judiciary Chairman John Conyers (D-MI) and Sub-Committee Chairwoman Linda Sanchez (D-CA) had a short meet-n-greet today and fired off a letter explaining the rules to Goodling and her attorney.

As McJoan of DailyKos pointed out; the Republicans weren’t always so keen on that option of pleading the 5th. But of course, the 5th Amendment was only included in the US Constitution for the convenience of Republicans!

Bush lies to the people of the United States (again)Bush knew

Aravosis, quickly becoming on of my favorite people on the Internet points out the obvious. In today’s speech to the U.S., Bush complained bitterly about how the Democrats in Congress shouldn’t be meddling in the affairs of war, giving him a bill filled with “pork”, blah blah blah.

But interesting is that Bush stated that the surge in troops was at the request of the generals on the ground in Iraq. And it’s Aravosis who points out that this is a bold-faced lie:

Bush just spoke to the nation, trying to convince the public to support his Iraq quagmire, and he claimed again that the surge, the escalation, was the idea of his commanders in the field, and he’s just following their advice.

In fact, all of the Joint Chiefs, the heads of the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, ALL opposed the surge.

In fact, everybody from the people in Iraq (including Maliki himself) have expressed their opposition to a surge in troops. The American people voted against anymore of this crap in Iraq, the Iraq Study Group has opposed anymore meddling in this Iraqi Civil War (that Bush started) and Congress have all expressed opposition to any continuance in this war of his.

Aravosis nails the last spike into the coffin with this tidbit:

And remember, it was just a few months ago, that the commanders on the ground were SO opposed to the surge that Bush came out and said, for the first time, that he WOULDN’T listen to commanders on the ground anymore.

Sweedish couple to name their newborn child “Metallica”

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are in a fight for their right to name their newborn baby girl “Metallica” after the legendary rock band. The Sweedish government’s tax office has refused to let them name the child with such an ugly moniker.

Lower office authorities have backed the couple’s right to name their child anything they want, however the Sweedish National Tax Board has refused to register the name. What’s even more bizarre about the story is that:

The couple was backed by the County Administrative Court in Goteborg, which ruled on March 13 that there was no reason to block the name. It also noted that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name.

I love this story so much because I’m thinking about Mr. and Mrs. Frank Zappa naming their kid Moon Unit. In the phone book, you have to look up “Zappa, Moon Unit.” And here comes a listing for “Tomaro Metallica”.

I wonder what they’ll name their next kid. “Flock of Seagulls”? “Imperial Drag”? Oh! Oh! Let me!! Let me!

ehem: “Barenaked Ladies”!

Mormons to Cheney: Even we hate you now

Just back in December, I found the article discussing the fact that Southern Methodist University had told the Bush Administration that they will not allow the “Bush Library” to be built on their campus. SMU, Laura (“Pickles”) Bush’s alma matre, has been approached by the White House with the current Adminstration looking for an appropriate place to house massive amounts of quality editions of “My Pet Goat. SMU, not willing to be the embarrassment of academia by allowing the Bush Legacy to be a pox on their campus, has told the White House that they’re certainly not too interested in the prospect.

Now, Wonkette points to the fact that yet another religious university has begun to object to Darth Vader, the Vice President of the United States, from visiting their campus.

Brigham Young University, the fake college where kids from the Church of Jesus of Latter Day Saints can go to receive their worthless degree without ever having to be exposed to a single idea contrary to their upbringing, has apparently inched itself closer to reality: they know Vice President Dick Cheney is an evil vampire hellbent on conquering the earth and eating our children.

To quote Wonkette’s quote who quoted:

The private university, which is owned by the Mormon church, has “a heavy emphasis on personal honesty and integrity in all we do,” said Warner Woodworth, a professor at BYU’s business school. “Cheney just doesn’t measure up.”

Romney Family PhotoI think the Mormon church has finally shown their trump card: Buying the presidency via Mass Governor Mitt Romney makes it all the more important that they distance themselves from The Bush Co as quickly as possible.

It’s fascinating how quickly Jesus can hate you these days. There used to be a time when Jesus loved the Bush Administration. Now they’re treated like .. ehem “a leper”.

I think John Smith would probably turn over in his grave if he knew his disciples were acting like ordinary Christians.

Me