CEO of Peanut Company refuses to testify – Are we surprised?

mr-peanutStewart Parnell, CEO of the Peanut Corp of America, is pleading the 5th Amendment and refusing to talk before a House Subcommittee. His plant manager, Sammy Lightsey is also pleading the 5th.

WASHINGTON – The owner of a peanut company refused to testify to Congress on Wednesday amid the disclosure that he urged his workers to ship bacteria-tainted products, pleading with federal health officials that he should be able “turn the raw peanuts on the floor into money.”

Stewart Parnell, owner of Peanut Corp. of America, repeatedly invoked his right not to incriminate himself before the House subcommittee holding a hearing on a national salmonella outbreak blamed on his company. The outbreak has sickened some 600 people, may be linked to nine deaths — the latest reported in Ohio on Wednesday — and has resulted in one of the largest product recalls of more 1,800 items.

These guys knowingly shipped out a tainted product and consequently killing people…to save money?! But, since Karl Rove assumes a free pass on testifying before Congress, along with Harriett Meyers and Josh Bolton, one can see how tempting it would be to follow suit.

FruitFlyIt’s time Congress simply round up all of these criminals, lock ’em up and drop the keys in Davy Jones’ locker.

If you need, the Salmonella Blog lists all of the recalled lot numbers from the Peanut Corp of America. Grab your Skippy jars and go have a look!

Rahm Emanuel: He’s a Chief of Whatzitz?!?!

The Republican Party, gosh I gotta tell ya…These guys are so full of total and utter bullshit that I could swear, their breath even smells like it.

Spotted with my sodomizing and yet, sharp eye, this video clip on dKos of K-K-Karl Rove on Faux Snooze trying to explain to Neal Cavuto what exactly are the duties of the President of the United States ‘ “Chief of Staff”.

Well, the Chief of Staff, there is no corporate role, but in the Chief of Staff in the White House is an honest broker. When the leader of the opposition Party in the House or Senate calls up the Chief of Staff of the President of the United States, he expects and has a right to expect that whatever he says to him will be properly conveyed to the President in an honest and forthright way. And it’s really troubling that, I mean, Rahm is smart, but he doesn’t have the trust and confidence of a lot of his Republican colleagues.

Yeah Karl – Unlike Rahm Emmanuel, who doesn’t have the trust of his Republican colleagues, you were Deputy Chief of Staff and you had all of the trust of your Democratic colleagues. In fact Karl; you were issued a subpoena six months ago by your fun-loving and trusting Democratic colleagues, which you still have refused to participate.

In fact, Karl; on the day you were expected to appear before the full House Committee, you sent your weasel of an attorney who noted that you left the United States rathern than appear before it.

In fact; it is by the good graces of the Democratic Party than the Congressional Sargeant at Arms hasn’t arrested you and frog-marched you in handcuffs before Congress right now!

Karl Rove has become the laughing stock of the country, and the court jester for the GOP. How long before the newest clown-gag will include four hundred Karl Roves climbing out of the VW Beetle while little children point and laugh, elephants beg for peanuts and the pretty girl in the sequined dress trips and sprains an ankle?

Karl Rove has become the stuffed-shirt of the GOP. Hark! I can hear the kilt-clad bagpipers playing “Amazing Grace” over the Republican grave-site!! Oh wait… No! No… It was just a little gas… Nevermind.

K-K-Karl Rove is the punk with a bad comb-over… The great-aunt with the mustache forcing you to kiss her on those mustached-wrinkled lips. …The herpes blister that’s been re-appearing on your foreskin since the days when your folks hired that baby-sitter when you were fourteen years old.

Oh… Sorry. Was that TMI?!!

Karl Rove, on the lamb; with his US Passport of course

Think Progress is featuring a small YouTube piece that notes that Karl Rove has apparently skipped the country and he’s AFK (computer-talk: “Away From Keyboard”). T-Progress credits Rove’s attempt to act like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid all wrapped into one because of the newest Congressional subpoena for him to appear and answer questions about the case involving the imprisonment of Alabama’s governor Siegelman. An investigation, if I might add, isn’t expected to be completed until the end of January ’09 – even though US Attorney General Micheal Mukasey says there’s no intentional “slow-down” on the case.

Lars!! The video if you would please…!


“Thank you, Lars!!”

Now let’s speculate:

But, I digress…Wishful thinking. Knowing that he’s no longer in this country gives me small comfort for the weekend that his toilet water won’t end up in US water supply…

Congress has given Karl Rove a 5-day pass, something Karl will also ignore – of course. One has to wonder if the Democrats have any brains by demanding his immediate arrest once he’s decided to return to our shores and resume his duties for the John McCain for President campaign.

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Letters to the Editor: Gulf News (UAE)…One person’s thoughts on GWB

Bush LegacyAhh…. Those fabulous days when they laughed about Bill Clinton’s “foreign policies” when he became President. They laughed at our (DNC) stupidity with some dumb hick from Arkansas off to visit the foreign heads of state. The laughter! How they joked and riddled each of us…Clinton was our guy and we elected some dumb hick. …How well I remember those days…<sigh>

Well, the sunset hours of our current Texas-sized trailer-park trash and the fruits of his own “foreign policies” have begun to ripen. Ever wonder how people from foreign lands feel about our current “foreign relations genius? Of course we’ll overlook that that disaster of a trip Bush and his wife took to Argentina in Nov. 2005 . The one when Hugo Chavez made Bush looked like an idiot and the local press was reporting that the country had never seen such a mass-riots. The same Argentinian Summit where Bush retured home stumbling drunk and showed up to endorse Jerry Kilgore for Governor who ended up loosing in landslide…but I digress.

Today, Bush is visiting the Middle East. He’s hoping to cinch up the final days of his “legacy” over there. Rachel Maddow lead me to a Letter to the Editor in the United Arab Emirate’s Gulf News and I thought it was worth blogging.

You can read the entire letter for yourself, while I’ll just plagiarize the first sixty-five sentences. Now when you read it.. Read it allowed. …That way you’ll get the full effect of what the author is trying to say.

Ready? Okay..! Ehem..! “A Letter to the Editor! …One person’s viewpoint on our President of the United States: George W. Bush” …read out loud:

Dear Mr. President;

Lest you forget. Invasion of Iraq. Thousands of dead. Looting the National Museum. Disbanding the Iraqi army. Donald Rumsfeld. Shock and Awe. Jay Garner. Paul Bremer. Inciting sectarianism. Abu Ghraib. Thousands of detainees without charges. Torture. Oil. Ghost WMDs. The Niger connection. Halliburton. Blackwater. Deadly security contractors. Mercenaries. Fallujah. Haditha massacre. Blind support of Israel. Instigating the suffering of Gaza. Ignoring the expansion of illegal colonies. Defying United Nations resolutions. Securing “a Jewish State”. Allowing Israelis to extend the destruction of Lebanon in the 2oo6 war. Providing Israel with new Bunker Buster bombs to attack Lebanese towns. The War on Terror. “The Crusade”. Clash of civilisations. Where is Osama Bin Laden? Afghanistan. Bagram massacre. Bombing media offices. Guantanamo Bay. Kangaroo courts. Indefinite detention. Presidential orders to ignore Geneva Conventions. “Unlawful enemy combatants”. Illegal National Security Agency wiretapping. Fingerprinting visitors. Black prisons. Kidnapping foreign citizens on foreign lands. Khalid Al Masri. Abu Omar. Maher Arar. Central Intelligence Agency. “Aggressive interrogation techniques”. Destroying the torture tapes. Iran tension. Isolating Syria. Embracing Syrian opposition Iraq style. The Chavez coup. Denial of global warming. Rejecting Kyoto Protocol. Marginalisation of the United Nations. John Bolton. Paul Wolfowitz and the World Bank. Carl Rove. Alberto Gonzales. Firing attorneys. Nepotism. False democracy promises. Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney and Dick Cheney.

FruitFlyAhhh… How I miss the days when we had a real President in office… tsk tsk tsk… Instead, we have Texas’ finest in ‘Cowboy Diplomacy’.

What’s that you say?! Oh yes, I remember that saying too: “He who laughs last, laughs best.”

Problem is; nobody’s laughing.

Found in Michele Bachmann’s Diary

Dear Diary

August 23, 2007

Yesterday was the most thrilling day of my life. I had such a wonderful time, I don’t know where to even begin.

While Congress was in recess, the Interstate 35W bridge collapsed and killed thirteen non-believers. But that wasn’t the best part. All of us from the Minnesota delegation got word that God’s Blessedly Appointed President of the United States was flying in on His Angel’s Wings to view the wreckage.

It so amazing to comprehend the reality that President Bush actually cares about these dead unbelievers! But was even more fantastic was when I realized he might be coming to Minnesota just to see me!kissies

I mean, President Bush is so… Oh I don’t know how to describe him…. He’s so handsome! The last time I had been with him here in Minnesota, we let Karl Rove tag along while the two of us got intimate over custard ice-cream at Glaciers Custard and Coffee Café in Wayzata. Now that I think of it, it was almost exactly a year ago! That means, if I would have let George have his way with me back then, God would have blessed us with a child that would be three months old! I wish we could have gotten rid of Rove.

So while we’re at the wreckage of the I-35W bridge, Laura Bush kept giving me dirty looks. Scowling at me and I think she mouthed the word “b-i-t-c-h” once while she was hiding behind the Presidential limousine trying to light a cigarette. She’s such a doll! What a sweetie. But if that nasty little cupcake can’t make God’s Anointed sexually happy, it would be a blessing for me to step in her place.

kissiesThere he was, standing on the 10th Avenue bridge looking at the wreckage next to the Governor and I couldn’t help myself by checking him out. There was this little breeze and the rear flap of the President’s suit coat flipped up and I have to say; the President has the best looking rump I’ve seen on any man in my life. It looks firm, and so round…and manly! He has those wide manly shoulders and those thick fingers. Marcus has that ugly flat-iron type of rump and his fingers are smooth, like a womans. And Marcus’ lips are full and icky while George’s lips are thin…and manly.

Everybody stood around and chatted. Laura returned smelling like a pack of Pall-Malls and she glared at me again, I think. Senator Amy Klobuchar was shaking her head chatting with some non-believers and Senator Norm Coleman kept looking staring at some woman’s breasts, I think it was his wife.

All of a sudden, George spotted me and that’s when I leaked akissies little pee in my panties. He pushed Governor Pawlenty out of the way (who almost fell over the railing) and came running after me! He grabbed me in those tree-trunks he calls arms and dipped me really low and kissed me long and deeply. His tongue, wrapped around my tongue, his hands holding me ever so strong. I could feel his bulge pulsing against my thigh. Every muscle in my body simply released, I think I might have even let out one of those silent farts. My entire body simply went limp; I was his and his forever.

I mean, I was being kissed by someone God Almighty had selected to be the President of the Free World! The fire of God when through me! I mean, this is what God meant for me when he called me to go Washington: To be put together with George just then, high above the mighty Mississippi, kissing me, loving my body. I was once again, that Fool for Christ.

He lifted me up and we stood there nose-to-nose and for one second, we were of one mind, of one intimate though. I was at the brink of loosing it. He smiled at me with those tiny little yellow teeth and I knew then that he really missed me.

kissiesHe was about to hug me and kiss me again when Laura broke my gaze. She was glaring at me like a hot Texas fire-brand. George pulled me in for another hug and kiss but I put both hands firmly on his chest and pushed back. He looked shocked, and hurt.

He said: “What? You don’t want to embrace?”

But I realized that if Laura could find the keys, she’d run me over with any of the parked cars in the area. Quickly, I said;

The people of Minnesota love you Mr. President, but I think one kiss was enough.”

He suddenly realized we were surrounded by lots and lots of people! He grinned wisely and his hand slid down by back and stopped on my own cute little bottom and I grinned back at him. He smirked as if he understood the same thought, that we could be giving off signals that would make tongues wag. And I think he also understood that one day soon (I hope), the two of us would share the same bed and we would make a passionate love that would make angels cry.

The President’s detail interrupted us and he waskissies whisked away. I was singing Jesus’ praises in my heart, and I went back to our limousine. I found Marcus in the front seat next to our driver re-applying his strawberry flavored Chap-stick using the rear-view mirror. I got into the back and Marcus joined me and we took off and that’s when Marcus and I go into a little bit of a fight.

I was so flushed with love, I had to tell him that President Bush gave me a little kiss. (I didn’t dare tell my husband the lust I have for the President!!) We were in the back of the limousine and and I’m starting to tell him about meeting President Bush. And when I got to the part where the President kissed me, Marcus interrupted me and said; “He did?! What was it like? Was it like a hard kiss or one of those quick soft kisses?”

I said; “Marcus! Don’t interrupted me!” and then I remembered my slightly damp panties and asked him for a tissue out of his purse.

And I’m continuing with my story by saying; “…George was about to hug me and I said…” Marcus interrupted me again and said; “Was it a strong hug? Because whenever he hugs me, it’s that wonderful manly-kind of hugs, you know?!”

I said; “Marcus! You’ve interrupted me again!”

He said; “Just tell me! Was it like a manly, firm, tight…manly kind of hugs?”!

That’s when I had heard enough. I said: “If you’re going to keep interrupting me, then I’m not going to tell you.”

Well, I hear Marcus downstairs talking to Senator Larry Craig again. I guess I should close here. Marcus’ X-Gay program at his psychiatry firm is going veryFruitFly 6 well! Ever since he converted Pastor Ted Haggard to be one hundred percent heterosexual, he’s been getting lots of calls from Republicans from all over the country! State representative Bob Allen will be staying with us while he’s being treated by Marcus next month and Glenn Murphy will be visiting us in October!

Until next time…

Mrs. Michele Bush…

kissieskissieskissies

Rove has “left’ the building (in two weeks)

Good Bye Turdblossom

Lord Voldemort Karl Rove announced his departure from the Ministry of Magic. Now all of the little Muggle children have been released from their prisons in Azkhaban. And Hogwarts will soon be ringing with the sounds off Ravenclaw, Griffendor, Hufflepuff and even Slytherin students running through its halls once again.

So far, there have been no Death Eaters running for Minister of Magic have said anything about the departing He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Update:

This just in: Death Eater, Dennis Hastert has announced resignation from the Ministry of Magic’s Department of Bratwurst, Knockwurst and Pastries. He will not seek re-assignment to the position that he’s held far too long. Many will applaud the decision but most are hesitant to surmise which Death Eater will take his place within the Ministry.

Found on the bottom of the Birdcage

Republicans Sending Political “Blow”Postal Anthrax

Republicans, already terrified of a future Democratic president, have begun to ramp up assassination attempts. This time, against Presidential hopeful John Edward’s campaign HQ. A campaign staffer ripped open an envelope and discovered white powder inside.

“The health and safety of our staff and volunteers is obviously our paramount concern, so we contacted the authorities,” said Jonathan Prince, deputy campaign manager. “The authorities have asked us to evacuate while they run tests on the substance, and we have done so.”

Obviously the Republican who sent the powder will never be found, and the US Attorney who investigates the matter will be fired immediately.

What’s with Hillary and Homos?

Hillary, when confronted with the question sparked by GenClinton Wince Peter Pace calling homosexuality “immoral”, responded by this incredibly lame answer:

“Well I’m going to leave that to others to conclude,” she said. “I’m very proud of the gays and lesbians I know who perform work that is essential to our country, who want to serve their country and I want make sure they can.”

Hillary goes wishie-washy on rudimentary basics of American life obviously isn’t Presidential material. Obviously I’m no longer interested in “Madam President” this time around.

Death Before Being Dishonored Any More

Ted WesthusingWar brings out the worst of all of us, this is nothing knew. But it’s those tiny things that you need to keep your eyes one to see what’s going on and what’s never been said. Case in point, Colonel Ted Westhusing.

Colonel Westhusing was found dead with a bullet through his head by which he put there himself. Suicide during war time isn’t something that’s knew either. I had a couple of my own mates commit suicide when I was in the Air Force too! However, it’s entirely different when a highly respected Colonel kills himself not because he faced war everyday, instead he killed himself because of what his military has become.

The human atrocities, the carnage and the human rights violations being conducted by the United States military sent Colonel Westhusing to eat his own gun.

”In e-mails to his family, Westhusing seemed especially upset by one conclusion he had reached: that traditional military values such as duty, honor and country had been replaced by profit motives in Iraq, where the U.S. had come to rely heavily on contractors for jobs once done by the military.”

His death followed quickly. “He was sick of money-grubbing contractors,” one official recounted. Westhusing said that “he had not come over to Iraq for this.” After a three-month inquiry, investigators declared Westhusing’s death a suicide.

There’s nothing that could possibly explain the horror that this man faced. It positively sends me over the edge to think what this West Point Scholar had to face before he finally broke down. He rejected his commanders willingness to ignore the Geneva Convention, the UCMJ, and the United States Constitution, and instead of being identified by these atrocities of our own military leadership, he ended his life.

Read his suicide note and the last sentance will squeeze tears out of the corners of your eyes.

You are only interested in your career and provide no support to your staff—no msn [mission] support and you don’t care. I cannot support a msn that leads to corruption, human right abuses and liars. I am sullied—no more. I didn’t volunteer to support corrupt, money grubbing contractors, nor work for commanders only interested in themselves. I came to serve honorably and feel dishonored. I trust no Iraqi. I cannot live this way. All my love to my family, my wife and my precious children. I love you and trust you only. Death before being dishonored any more.

By the way – in case you were wondering, his immediate supervisor at the time was Gen David Patraeus. George W Bush has since given him another star on his shoulder and he’s now the top military leader in Iraq.

Does that make your stomach turn? It should!

Rover and Bolten Worry AGAG Scandal Will Hurt Bush’s CredibilityKarl Rove

This made me laugh. h/t to Avarosis at Ameriblog for spotting it.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales (a.k.a. AGAG) has this huge problem going on with the US Attorneys being fired. This is pretty much everywhere in the mainstream media now. What’s interesting is that Karl Rove and Joshua Bolton are worried that this story will hurt Bush’s credibility on the matter.

“They’re taking it seriously,” said the other of the two Republicans who spoke about the White House’s relationship with Mr. Gonzales. “I think Rove and Bolten believe there is the potential for erosion of the president’s credibility on this issue.”

Do they think Bush has any credibility anywhere else? Supreme Court wanna-be Harriett Miers had to step down last January over this matter, eight US Attorneys have been fired, AGAG admits that there were mistakes made and it’s been revealed that Congress has been lied to about this story. And these two idiots are worried about Bush’s “credibility”?

Not that I would ever tell Rove or Bolton how to do their jobs or anything – but perhaps if they worried about the US Constitution might be a better usage of their time? Maybe they could worry about our troops in Iraq! OH! Maybe they could worry about our loss of jobs to China!

Me

A Fruit Fly Rant: Arrogance

I’m not one to stand here and dump my opinion intorant-1.jpg cyerspace. I have much more enjoyment and satisfaction at creating oddball characters, putting them into oddball situtations all in an effort to make a statement. Personally, most blogs I don’t like or don’t pay attention to because the author jabbers on about things that are perceived from their viewpoint only. Which is fine, don’t get me wrong – but let’s also remember my favorite cliche: “Opinions are like belly-buttons…everybody has one.”

However, setting up a rediculous blog full of rediculous characters does put a strain on the average average blogger-fans. Who is the creator? Why was this said? Things roll around in the reader’s brain that makes it look like the entire “Fruit Fly” blog is authored by somebody who’s in prison or a state institution. And it’s worth noting a time-out from the silliness and putting for some thoughtful points for consideration. (Besides, some friends have asked for me to put out a good old fashioned “Rant” that just rips something or someone to shreds. Admitedly, it has its appeal!)

So about this newly elected Democratic Congress! You honestly think I’d be interested in ranting about a speeding ticket that I received last January for going four miles an hour over the posted limit? The seriousness of what the American people have said last week goes far into the history books of our generations to come. Father than what the Republicans pulled off in 1994 with their “Newtie” Gingrich and his “Contract With America”.

VotedI fully believe this past election was the direct response to the GOP’s arrogance. The news-mouths have been jabbering and trying to convince all of us that not only are they the smartest people in the world, but that this vote was the knee-jerk response to the Iraq War.

However, that’s nothing but the “Five and Dime Soda-Jerk” version: The quick grasp at a fast answer in order to be the first one to make such a rediculous claim. If Brit Hume or Wolf Blitzer or Tim Russert had said that the 2006 Election was the result of Congressman Mark Foley’s indescretion, every Lemming-journalist in the United States would be talking about the horrors of homosexuality, the NAMBLA or pedophelia. To appease their bosses and the Executive Directors of Big Corp USA, the news-mouths have decided collectively to leave the explanation of the Election as a result of the Iraqi War. Mind you, that’s only their guess; and as I have already discussed the human anatomy, you know where I’m going with that thought.

I think the vote went far beyond the Iraq War. It was a collective of the whole. It’s apparent that this Bush Administration has an agenda that does not include the American people as its primary concern. It’s clear that the George W Bush had forgotten that he is a public servant right around the time he decided to listen to our phone calls and scan our Internet search enginers. The American people voted against the absolute arrogance of GW’s attitude and against the machines that he began to build within our society.

We voted based on a guy named Jack Abramoff who took money from Indian Casinos in exchange for a bagful of promises that were never kept. This is the same guy who recruited young women from southeast Asia, promising them American citizenship status and then dumping them off in Siapan and turning them into slaves. If the young women turned out to be pregnant, Abramoff forced them to have an abortion and then it was back to the sewing machines. All so he could have labels saying “Made In America” put on the clothing and sell them to WalMart. You gotta love “free enterprise”!

In 2004, for a very brief time, President GW Bush proclaimed that he wanted to be known in history as “a War President”. It was short-lived. Apparently Karl Rove had a good idea in the middle of the night and once Bush went public with the moniker, Rove had a nightmare. Whatever the reason for Bush’s ego, the cliche’ touched a nerve with an awefulWPE lot of voting Americans. One in particular was the grandson of the first “War President”, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. James Roosevelt Jr said; “A War President isn’t self-proclaimed. A president becomes a true War President by leadership that inspires followers at home and abroad. And most importantly, a War President never loses sight of the goals of true peace with honor. For Bush to grant himself this title is an insult to my grandfather and the inspired leaders who led this country in wars that were just. To put it simply, George W. Bush has not earned the right to be called a War President.”

During our very own Fourth of July parades and picnics this year, Kim Jung Il launched condoleza rice failedfour missiles which successfully landed into the Sea of Japan. The Japanese government, very alarmed of course, turned to our self-appointed “War President” looking for support in resolving this crises. Bush and his Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice essentially ignored the show of force.

Dr. Rice, who frequently ignores world crises’ for a minimum of one week before showing up for photo ops and then running away from the problem, kept the lid on the kettles while convincing the American people that everything was okay. Of course they weren’t, because on October 9th, Kim Jung Il successfully launched a nuclear weapon underground. For the first time, Bush showed everybody that he wasn’t a “War President” after all, he was just a lost rich little boy. Put bluntly, Bush was simply lost within his own rancor of failed war policies in Iraq, Afghanistan, Hezbullah and saber-rattling and stupid threats of war with Iran. North Korea was just a nuisance. A deadly and globally catastrophic nuisance, but who cares?

What was the final response to this “Madman from the Hermit Kingdom”? Senator John McCain stepped into mud-puddle by saying it was all Bill Clinton’s fault. It was never noted that the Senator has failed miserably for the past six years solving these “glaring Bill Clinton’s failed policies”. Of course not! The news-mouths had to rush their “Copy” to their microphones and vomit into the American voter’s ears.

There’s the arrogance of the Republican voters to consider.

The Rovian propaganda machine was in full gear once it was decided we were going to war with Iraq, with or without the blessing of the U.N. Security Council. Perhaps you recall a few of your own instances. Here in the Twin Cities area, we had the “Republican Trespassers”. Many of us in the Minneapolis /St Paul area were against the Iraq War and we were outspoken about it with lawn-signs everywhere. Our voices were silenced by those Trespassers who would boldly walk onto our yards and ripped our signs out of the ground and throw them into their growing collection in the backs of their Snobpick-up trucks. They spent entire weekends venturing from one excursion after another, feeling it was their duty…no, their obligation to serve their “Appointed President” and to shut our mouths.

Then there was the Republican “elite”. The snotty wealthy old windbags who tried to shame us for being different. We didn’t have to be black, or Jewish or even gay; it was how we voted and how we felt about this baseless and even senseless war that they felt gave them license to sneer at us. My favorite: “Well you know, Jesus never voted Democrat”.

They slammed their Bibles on podiums and proclaimed God’s love for them and denied His love to anyone who wasn’t in their cult Evangelical Christian movement. These Conservative Christian Republicans shouted at us because we didn’t support their war. Then they showed up at the funerals of our sons and daughters who faught in their war and died and held up signs and chanted: “God Hates Fags”.

hypocritTheir favorite Evangelical Christian minister out of 30 million of them, was having a homosexual affair with a gay prostitute and addicted to methamphetamines. (May I ask for someone to count the number of gay and lesbians that have been beaten or murdered based on hate-crimes encouraged by this man? Or would I digress?) Their favorite radio talk show host was using his housekeeper as a drug mule, doctor shopping for prescription medicine and caught importing prescription medicine for erectile dysfunction from a country that allows male juvenile prostitution. Their favorite author, lives on an island off the coast of Florida and is under investigation for voter-fraud. Ann Coulter’s books, with titles like “Godless; The Church of Liberalism” was on the New York Times Best-seller June 6, 2006, just five months before the election. In her book, she criticized the 9/11 widows and accusing them of extortion at the expense of their husbands’ deaths.

Not to worry. In her previous book, she bloviated that liberals should be arrested, tried and shot by firing-squad. She’s such a Republican version of an American Patriot, she called for someone to poison one of our own US Supreme Court Justices. All of the Lemming-journalists, the Republican elite, even the religiously insane got a good laugh out of that last one. “Cheezus Ann…You’re killing me here… No really.”

Hurricane Katrina, my god my god..!

Three years before Katrina, we watched our own people jump to their death’s in New York from 40-story window sills. In Katrina, we watched ourBush guitar own people swim and drown through a city with the second largest seaport in North America. Only three days later, Condoleeza Rice was in Manhattan purchasing a $1,000 pair of stilhettos, joining friends for tennis and enjoying a Broadway play later in the evening. God the Almighty meanwhile, having such a great close-knit with President Bush, urged the President to stay home and relax with a has-been country western singer while God’s children drowned, and their babies drowned with them. Vice President Dick Cheney showed up two weeks later like a gopher on Ground Hog Day sporting a fresh relaxed demeanor and quite eager to get a chance to talk about how much the White House would be doing to help out. They did nothing but privatize the entire thing to Corporate Cronies and Criminals. The day before Cheney’s “pop-up” visit, Bush told FEMA Director Michael Brown that he was doing a heckofa good job. A month after all of this, Anderson Cooper was still digging out bodies from collapsed homes on CNN and the FEMA trailers still hadn’t arrived. The President’s mother Barbara Bush worried that all of those black folks would stay in Houston instead of returning home, yet showed her pleasure that the Houston Astrodome provided a better shelter than they probably had back home.

It would be pointless to stretch this rant about Republican Arrogance any farther. It’s like pulling taffy, but without all of that warm buttery-sugar. $900 billion dollars missing here and there, tons of weapons and small arms ammunition missing whie in transit to our troops in Iraq, even the missing combative gear that’s never been delivered, it’s all horrible and destestible goo. The Secretary of Defense complains after an American G.I. asked about poor equipment…The Defense Secretary told the kid; “You get what you have, quit wasting my time with your problems.” (adlib is my own), …All of it swirls like the unwanted hair-matting that settles and dries itself on top of our bathtub’s train. And what would it gain? To rant about it anymore, I mean.

Perhaps it’s going to be the fuel that will drive us to clean up our country’s Leadership, and their croonies for now and forever more. We came close to making our country into a First World Banana-Republic. Or perhaps this entire rant was to point out that I have an opinion once in a while…and that I have a belly-button too. I call it my “lint trap”, is that so bad?

The Fruit Fly

Fruit Fly

 

 

 

The Shame of the Republican of Texas

Good evening. Welcome to FFN news and I am Frizzie McBee.Frizzie McBee

In today’s news, the Republic of Texas has seceded from the United States out of pure embarrassment over President George W. Bush and others. The measure flew through both the Republican controlled House and Senate by a very large majority.

For more on this surprising move, Reporterwe head on out to our political field reporter Jim Hatair.

Hello Jim! We’ve heard that Texas has always held that they have the right to secede from the Union, but is anybody shocked that they actually have?

Hello Frizzie and no there isn’t! The Republic of Texas, willTexas Map begin it’s autonomy as a sovereign country beginning tomorrow at twelve noon and the rest of the people of the United States country couldn’t be happier!

With George W Bush’s lowest popularity in United States history, the State of Texas had decided to secede from the United States with a very bruised ego and very embarrassed (former) United States President.. With only 33% of Americans approving of the President’s handling of his job, his wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, bankrupt federal government, chaotic Homeland Security and chronic drinking, the people of the Republic of Texas have decided to apologize to the rest of the United States and take back their favorite Son back to Texas and leave once and for all. Since the President is too intoxicated to know what’s going on, he’s returned to playing putt-putt golf in the Rose Gardens in the back of the White House.

While it is correct that Texans have long held the belief that they can secede from the United States anytime they want, they’ve never really carried through with the threat until now.

News AnchorExcuse me Jim! Frizzie here! Isn’t that belief just simply a myth? What I mean is; if a person got technical, any state in the Union could secede at anytime, thereby making the original Texan thought of secession being nothing more than a joke on their own selves?

Absolutely Frizzie, however – Texas has finally demonstrated that it actually could be done! You may remember that TexasTexas Embassy was an independent country between 1836-1845. Mexico claimed Texas as their own until Texas seceded and went on their own. In fact, the Republic of Texas back then, even had their own Embassy in both London and chuckie monkeyParis. Since Texas couldn’t manage their money and went into a chaotic bankruptcy, the United States admitted the country into the Union and paid off their debt. The ironyhereFrizzie is that back then, Liberal Blue State folks from the Minnesota, Michigan, Illinois and Maine watched these Rednecks err… Texans take nine very long years before realizing that they were incapable of managingthemelves and the Liberals offered to bail them out of their misery…Something the Liberal Blue State folks aren’t willing to do again today. By the way; it has only taken 5 years for the people of the rest of the United States to realize that this particular Texan can’t lead the country!

Texans, being too proud and ungrateful for what thedino golf United States has done for them back then, has finally realized that George W. Bush is the United States biggest acne inflammation of the face of the country. Even Texans have finally begun to realize the embarrassment. In the midst of all of this controversy, George W Bush hasn’t left the White House and continues to mumble incoherently while trying to get his golf ball into the giant dinosaur’s mouth.

Frizzie?

Thanks Jim, I want to turn now to FFN’s political analyst, Dick Dock who’s in Madison, Wisconsin to get a reaction to the news. Dick?

dick dockYes, Frizzie and thank you. The rest of the United States seems to be very excited about this news from the opportunity to not only get rid of Bush, but also to get rid of the pathetic Lone Star State.

Let’s face it, Texas has the worsttexas children educational system in the entire country, second only to Alabama and Mississippi. It’s glaringly obvious that the people of Texas apparently don’t care about the problem. Yet it is a problem for the rest of the United States and here’s why; These poorly educated people get together, have children in their own trailer-parks, go through the same education system and the problem becomes a sort of a cyclical “social-cancer” reflecting on the rest of the population of the United States!

Barely 20% of the population even bothers to vote in Texas (Democrats that is, the Republicans aren’t lazy at all down there!). Yet the Democrats are the loudest cry-babies in the country!! For example, the Democrats in the Texas legislature had left the State out of protest and moved into hotel rooms in Oklahoma and New Mexico when upset about their Republican counterparts who began gerrymandering districts.

There’s virtually nothing to see in Texas aside from green swampy river in downtown San Antonio and the Johnson Space Center in Houston. The best city in Texas seems to be Austin, the only area that voters are obviously and solidly Democrat. And yet the town is filled with filthy law-breaking bribing, Indian-Stealing, good-old-boy-network Republicans!

In another perspective, with the people of Texas leaving the US and finally become their own country, it allows for a increased of respect towards the Federal Government for Americans again! For example, the United States can finally get rid of people like Tom Delay,Kay Bailey Hutchison, George H.W. Bush, Barbara (“Quaker Oats Grandma”) Bush, Karl Rove, Lee Harvey Oswald, Lyndon Baines Johnson and “Mommy Dearest’s”Joan Crawford.

Lizzy?

Thanks Dick! Ahhh… With Texas becoming an autonomous country again, isn’t there a danger that they’ll repeat the same fiasco they had the last time? If they’reincabable of governing themselves, won’t we be simplyrepe…

Quaker OatsYes of course, Lizzy. But, they’re Texans! If ever there was a definition of O. Henry’s idea of a “Banana Republic”, it would be Texas! Like the Mexican government,Beeyotch the Texas Elite could care less about the lower and middle class and expect these groups to support them and their ostentatious lifestyles! Consider Barbara (Grandma) Bush’s quote when seeing Katrina Survivors being given shelter at the Houston Astrodom: “Almost everyone I’ve talked to says we’re going to move to Houston.” Then she added: “What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. “And so many of the people in the arena here, you now, were underprivileged anyway, so this–this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them.”

texansIn an other area the rest of the country is excited about is the fact that they no longer have to listen to stupid Texas idiots droning on and on about how they “don’t really” have to be a state in this country. Nor do they have to remember all about the Alamo and a bunch of other fairly boring bits of Texas history. Let’s be realistic here – the war at the Alamo versus the Battle of Little Bighorn! Even George Custer’s history in relation to the Battle is more interesting Tennessee’s native son Davy Crockett’s association to the Alamo!

Over all, the rest of the United States seems to be excited over the idea to finally get rid of the Republic of Texas once and for all. Now, Texans can concentrate on hating their own children and their own neighbors and the rest of the United States can finally move on without them. Lizzie, back to you.

Thanks Dick!

jobeth

Finally, an in-depth look at the people of Texas, we’ve taken another minute of your time with Jo-Beth Stewart! Jo-Beth! Can you tells us a little bit about these former Americans?

Why Hi Shug!! Yes I can! First of all…We ain’t Texans no more. Let’s get that cleared up right nah. We’re gonna be callin’ ourselves “Texians” from nah on. Ya see? We’ve been mispellin’ “texans” all these years but we’re gonna be spellin’ as “Texians” from now on!!

Nah…I’m in the back yard with Leon and Donny-Paul who are playin’ toilet-seat horseshoes and they gots loads more ta-tell us! Excuse me fellas..!! “Hi again” Donny-Paul! Would you two answer a few questions for Fruit Fly News? Would you care totellFFN what ch’all gonna do when Bush gets home in Crawford tomorrow?

toiletseat horseshoes
Welp, first thing I’m a gonna do it kick him in the butt! Dang fool mad us all look like a bunch of jackasses!

And you Donny-Paul! What’chew gonna down when Bush gets to Crawford?!

SHOOT! First thing I’m gonna do is pack up that Cindy Sheehan and kick that Yankee on outta here! Ah think I’d like to take that out militia-style an clear out all of these Yankees out of da Republic of Texas. …Dang Yankees!

C’mon Leon…let’s get back to the toilet-seats…

Thankee y’all! You see Frizzie! Most Texians are excited about gettin’ rid-a Yankee’s and da Mexicans, them depraved ho-mo-sexuls and them Jewwz and them nappy-haired colerds. We’d been havin’ the opportunity of a life-time here an we ain’t a-gunna screw it all up like we did back in the 1800’s!

Lemme read something to you Frizzie!

Excuse me Jo-Beth, are you telling me that you can read?

Why shore I can! My Mammy taught me when I was 18! So now listen to this Frizzie… This what us Texians are gonna be looking at come tomorrah…

Redneck DogWe are open-minded, but our goal is not to sink into the depraved clinicism of modernity or its equally repugnant cousin, the moral neutrality of post-modernism: giving up on rationality itself. Our belief is that diversification of central command provides for more power in local government, and thus competition between different sets of laws. We’ll see who comes out ahead, when we can each have a chance to live by our unique codes of values.

So as you can see Frizzie…We’re all gonna be a whole lot happier once we finally become free Texians!

Something else to note while we set up our country of heterosexual white-only pure-blooded Texians…thar’s a huge movement going on to begin to finally celebrate those State…err.. Republic of Texas holidays! So, Ah brought alongalistofnewholidaysthatyouprolly never heard of!

KKK

To promote the celebration of Texas Honor Days: Lamar Day, January 26; Texas Statehood Day, February 19; Texas Independence and Flag Day, March 2; Alamo Heroes Day, March 6;Goliad Heroes Day, March 27; San Jacinto Day, April 21; Texian Navy Day, the third Saturday of September; Gonzales Day, October 2; Stephen F. Austin’s Birthday, November 3, and Founders Day, November 6.

So as you can see Frizzie! We’z gonna be just fine down here as Texians and we feel we’ll be loads better without the rest of the United States!

Thank you Jo-Beth, great story.

Lady AnchorWe’d like to thank the people of Texas for their rich and albeit pathetic history. I’m sure I would be in the majority by saying the United States won’t miss Texas…er “Texians” Just as we are certainly not going to be missing that horribly embarrassing George W Bush.

And I’d like to thank y’all…err…Thank you all for watching FFN news tonight. My name is Frizzie McBee and this has been a news-cast from Fruit Fly News. Good night and be well everybody!

The Fruit Fly