Found on a Doorstep

doorstephouseflyMSNBC’s Kieth Olbermann is AFK (away from keyboard) because he’s now missing his appendix. It means we’ll be stuck with that blond girl for the next day or so.

houseflySec of State Condi Rice is now officially a lesbian. Well, sort of… She shares ownership of a home in Palo Alto with a liberal progressive documentary film maker. The woman is single, never been married and is considered Dr. Rice’s closest friend. Oh…and the woman’s lasts name is “Bean”. Obviously, the home’s mailbox proudly says; “Rice and Bean’s“.

houseflySenators John Kerry (D-MA) and John McCain (R-AZ) were on Meet the Press on Sunday. When the fight was over, McCain had a broken arm, a wrenched back a bloody-lip and one tooth was missing. Kerry walked away as the declared winner with only a black-eye.

houseflyThe Flying Nun has a foul mouth – But thankfully, FOX was there to protected us from the profanity. Click here if you want to hear the uncensored version, but remember: Jesus will hate you for it.

houseflyMinneapolis’ famous bridge remains collapsed. No money has been received from the feds, no agreements on rebuilding the bridge, no contracts to the bridge and the Mayor leaves for US Conference of Mayors embarrassed and ashamed. Said Minnesota’s Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty: “So what? The mayor has plenty of other roads available! Why are these Democrats such jerks! Gimme Gimme Gimme! That’s all they whine about…!!!”

Update: Another bridge in Minneapolis has been closed. It’s been discovered that the foundation, built in 1905, has shifted about eleven inches from it’s original position. The decking of the bridge was last replaced in 1958. Note: MN DOT isn’t doing anything about this bridge – it’s a county project and the Governor kept making “whiny” noise-imitations when he was told about this bridge closing.

houseflyThe Chinese have generously given Hawai’i a boat load of poisonous spiders, which they didn’t want in the first place. US Customs officials, understaffed and under paid aren’t sure of what to do about it. Perhaps killing them would be appropriate? Said one Customs official: “Thankfully, al Queda hasn’t figured out the shipping industry yet.”

houseflyRepublican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney uses St Vincent’s Hospital in New York City to explain why Hillary Clinton’s health care plan is stupid and how much the Mormon church hates sick mommies and daddies. St Vincent’s Hospital objected to being used as a prop for political reasons, and Romney’s team shot back: “Who cares what St Vincent’s thinks?”

houseflyCurentTV’s Super News has a new issue out that’s fun. It accurately depicts the Republican Party’s young people in a timeless episode spoofing the movie “The Hills“.

houseflyJim Ramstad (R-MN 3rd CD) has just announced (less than an hour ago) that he will not be running for re-election in 2008. When asked why he said; “Two reasons! One ..! Because Michele Bachmann keeps hitting on me and whining that her husband is gay. Two..! Because I don’t wantFruitFly 6 to be representing the minority party in Congress for the next twenty years!”

Update: Minnesota’s GOP Chair, Ron Carey, has announced that auditions for Congressman Ramstad’s Republican replacement will be held at a Mens Room at the Minneapolis/St Paul Airport…which is now a tourist trap.

Gossip

Gossip 5Ida: There she is… over there.

Nora: Mom! Don’t start.

Ida: I’m serious! Look at her! Witch…

Nora: Mother!

Ida: What?! At least I didn’t use the “B” word… witch…..

Nora: Mom, I’m going to change my clothes and I’m going home. Tim is working late and I have to pay the babysitter…

Ida: “…women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” First Corinthians 14, versus 34 and 35. And there she goes right across the floor over to that medicine ball excercize.

Nora: Mom! Leave Senator Bachmann alone and quit yelling Scripture. Our trainer will hear us. Look, I don’t like her either and I agree, she is repulsive. But, she’s obviously here at the gym getting a nice workout with some honest excercize and work up a sweat. That’s all…now can we leave?

Ida: I’m just saying. Michele Bachmann… She’s real quick to tell you that gays can’t have rights in this country, and then she’ll tell you how much she hates our country because she has to pay taxes… “Render unto Ceasear what is Ceasar! Matthew 22:21!! ”

Nora: Shhhhhhh! You think they heard you in Milwaukee?! Look, the joke is on her. She gets up in front of the church congregation, gets the minister to endorse her as his selection to vote, and now the church is under investigation to remove it’s non-profit status. I actually thought it was funny when it was noted in the news that neither the minister of the church nor the church itself are within Michele Bachmann’s 6th Congressional district.

Ida: <chuckeling> …Witch. Remember that campaign ad she had just a few weeks ago: “And I’ll work to reduce government regulations…” I should have sent her a bag of California leaf spinach and a recipe for fried E-coli.

Nora: <giggling> I’m still laughing about that YouTube video where she gets wide-eyed and yells “I’M A FOOL FOR GOD!” Did you see that?

Ida: <choking on a drink from her water-bottle and laughing> And she says: “Ah’m Hot for Jesus!

Nora: <giggling louder> Shh! She’s looking at us, shush…

Ida: <cackling loudly and rudely> …And to think; she’s a former tax-attorney for the IRS.

Nora: Mother! Shush! <snickering>

Ida: <giggeling modestly> I’m just saying Darling… She brings her Bible into her politics and demands your brother Michael do without the rights to have a marriage with his life partner while she slops around in front of church congregations yelling “I’m on fire for God!!”. How can she preach her religion in our law-books about homosexuality when she gets up in church services begging for votes and her own Bible says Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says!!!?
Nora: Okay, now that time I’m sure she heard you. <giggling> Did you talk to Michael and Mike yesterday?

Ida: Of course she heard me, did you see that weird look she just gave us? And, don’t change the subject. Your brother and brother-not-in-law are both fine. Mike’s on a new medication and the doctor warned him it was his last of the three cocktail drugs. Oh! Didn’t tell you; Michael’s getting that promotion at work! Thank the Good Lord above that his job comes with domestic partnership benefits.

Nora: You think she’ll beat Patty Wetterling?

Bush on XanaxIda: I doubt it. Rumor has it that Hillary Rodham Clinton’s coming here to help Patty, and Laura Bush is coming here to help out … the Witch. Humph… The First Lady Xanax Queen is coming to Minnesota to stump for the Grand Old Hypocrit.

Nora: <gasp> Mother!

Ida: <grinning> I was reading Norwegianity after lunch today, and I got all upset all over again. It’s just way too much fun what the bloggers are saying about her. Did you see that Michele Bachmann landed her face on that MSNBC Keith Olbermann show as “Worst Person in the World“?! Unbelievable, one of our own state senators can get her mugshot on Keith Olbermann’s “worst person” list for that “come to Jesus and I’m on fire for God!” speech last week at that Living Word church.Habeus Corpse

Nora: Olbermann blasted the Republicans with that piece the other day about Habeus Corpus. Did you see that?

Ida: Michael emailed me the YouTube clip. Congress belly-ups the United States Constitution and Habeus Corpus while sitting comfortably their behinds watching ABC’s Dancing with the Stars. Oh look…there she goes talking to Trudy at the cash register…Let me guess, she’s going to tell Trudy that she’s a “…Fool for Jesus!

Nora: Lower your voice Mother. <sigh> Well, you can eavesdrop on her all you want. I still have a babysitter at home who’s waiting to clean out my wallet.

Ida: <grabbing her arm> No, wait Darling.. Look, Bible-thumping Bachmann is headed on over to stationary bicycles. You think we can get her some training-wheels?

Nora: <giggling> Mother, your encouragable. You can despise that woman all you want, it isn’t going to matter anyway. Besides, you’re one to talk about Bible versus and ignoring that one that says you should love your enemies.

Ida: Oh phhhh-you. <grinning> It also says to “suffer the little children, for they are precious”. Did you see whatEphelba Michele Bachmann said after the news broke about that disgusting pedophile Congressman Mark Foley? Patty Wetterling blew a gasket and immediate condemned that pervert’s actions against that little boy and paid for an advertisement stating so that aired everywhere the following day. Michele Bachmann? She was quoted in the press to say, how did that go? Oh! I remember, the Wicked Witch of the East said; “Wetterling’s focus on the issue has been opportunistic and called the ad “a rush to judgment.” It’s disgusting. Michele Bachmann would ignore the life of that teenage boy and the horror Foley put him through and ask for caution in jumping to conclusions on judgeing one of her own sick-kind. The minute I heard how Bachmann said that we shouldn’t be so quick to judge Congressman Foley, I thought to myself; “Oh Lord….and she brags openly on the fact that she and her husband have been foster parents to over 20 children during their marriage…how much caution to judge would she have if it was one of her own children?”

Nora: I almost vomited when they said Foley emailed that boy and asked him to measure his genitalia and take photos of himself. What kind of monsters have been living in our hallowed halls of Congress?

Ida: <pointing to Michele Bachmann> It’s those kinds of monsters!

Minnesota RallyNora: It’s stunning, actually. And quit making a scene.

Ida: What is Darling?

Bachmann closeNora: That she can get elected to the State Senate and act the way she has towards gay and lesbian people. According to her; same-sex marriage threatens our Constitutional liberties. Michael said that he and Mike were the ones who took that photo of Michele Bachmann hiding behind the bushes peek-a-booing the GLBT Lobby Days celebrations on the capitol lawns two years ago. And then Michele Bachmann made up that huge lie about getting trapped in the ladies room at a restaurant and a couple of “lesbians harassed her”.

Ida: I still don’t understand why she wasn’t cited for that.

Nora: For what?

Ladies RoomIda: For that incident! She said she went into the ladies room where two lesbians accosted her and harassed her for her position on gay marriage. Then she went home and filed a complaint with the Washington County Sheriff’s office. Then the following day, demanded that the Capitol Police give her a body guard because of the alleged incident. Isn’t there some kind of crime for filing a false police report? LIAR!!

Nora: Mother! Quit yelling. I’m heading home. You and Daddy coming over tomorrow evening for dinner with Michael, Mike, Tim and the kids? …I’m making you favorite! Lasagna.

Ida: Of course we’ll be there Darling. I’ll bring a pumpkin pie. Are you still going with me Thursday evening to the DL meeting?

Nora: DL?

Ida: DL! Sure! Drinking Liberally! Remember I told you? Last week I went for the first time…and I got to meet the woman who put up that website “Dump Michele Bachmann dot com“.

Nora: No! You didn’t tell me Mother. You’re saying that you and Daddy actually went to a bar? ..and you were drinking?!?!

Ida: Oh no no no Darling… Daddy didn’t go with me! I went by myself!!

Fruit Fly