Say, Mr. Graham! Is this one of those “double standards” you’re talking about?!

Richard Cohen, of the Washington Post has decided that Michael Jackson’s tragic demise wasn’t a problem of political over-exposure for Governor Sanford. Within four weeks, two Republicans have been apologizing for failing to keeping their trousers zipped up in the sense of “Holy Sanctity of Marriage” and an additional Republican governor is stepping down with her own two-week notice complete with hip-waders and fish-nets.  Thankfully, super-star King of Pop-Legend, Michael Jackson has croaked.  This funeral has  over-shadowed the entire train-wreck of a political party in less than a month.

But Dick Cohen is quite comfortable with the situation.  He points to the recent “Quiting Becuase I’m Not a Quiter Governor Sara Palin (R-AK) resignation as trivial.  Governor Mark Sanford:  “Oh phhhhphphp…Big Deal… Get over it already!!

Almost as interesting as Palin is South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford. Never mind his affair. These things happen. Concentrate instead on how he hid his affair — by disappearing and calling attention to himself. Note also that even before he somehow took the Appalachian Trail to Buenos Aires, he was renowned for rejecting federal stimulus money. Before that, as a congressman, he claimed to have forsaken a housing allowance — and a cot — and said, “I sleep on the floor of my office.” Most of us would consider this weird behavior. In the GOP, it was seen as presidential timber.

Okay, can you guess what’s wrong with this picture?

If you’re AWOL from your post as Governor,  and lie to the good folks of your state by telling them you’ve gone on a hiking trip, meanwhile you spend tax-payer dollars to fly to Argentina to boff your Argentinian Lolita…so what? These things happen. Additionally, if you sleep on a cot, and claim publicly that you really slept on the floor: Some folks might think you’re weird — But the GOP will think you’re Presidential Timber!

Insert a lame “I got a woodie” joke here.

Tim Graham, the director of media analysts over at the conservative Media Research Center is expressing relief over the recent tragic death of Michael Jackson on behalf of Governor Mark Sanford (R-SC).

You see, according to Graham; if it hadn’t been for the overwhelming media attention on Michael Jackson’s demise, poor Governor Sanford would have suffered a lot more needless media scrutiny than he already has received and doesn’t deserve at all, whatsoever.

How pedestrian can the GOP’s propaganda machine continue to be?

Graham laments his grief for Sanford’s unfortunate zipper-problem:

“If you took a Democratic Sanford, a Democratic governor having one mistress, they would all yawn over that,” he contends. “They would really not find that very interesting at all, and yet these people will find Republican mayors cheating as an interesting national story.”

Mayors?  There are Republican mayors out there skanking on their wives in addition to the boat loads of US Senators, Governors and Congress-Creatures?!  There are mayors that we don’t know about, Mr. Graham?!?

Here’s the martyrdom line-up for the public consumption: “It’s those horrible infidels over on the Left who are so willing to crucify those of us Righteous Righties. If those Liberal Lefties are caught…Well, nobody would care!  But if we’re caught.. “Oh horror…! Oh poor us!  Why do you persecute us so?!!”

Graham continues (weeping bitterly):

“They know that people like you and me are disgusted by a Mark Sanford — and they know that that guy will be toast. And they know that adultery is not going to hurt a liberal,” he adds. “When we discuss how the media behaves, we understand that the same people who are all making an enormous, big deal out of Mark Sanford thought that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what Bill Clinton did [while in office].

Graham says; “It’s a clear double-standard.”

How much lying are these conservatives allowed to get away with before they’re called on it? Furthermore, how much stupidity can the American public take from these jack-asses.

Even Rush Limbaugh admitted that “Mark Sanford couldn’t keep his trousers zipped up because it was Obama’s fault!”

Now they’re weeping because Michael Jackson didn’t croak soon enough to protect Sanford’s “Great Trouser Snake Escape”?!

These Republicans are cheating around on their spouses (breaking God’s “Holy Sanctity of Marriage”), and the Conservatives  will complain that it’s everybody else’s fault.  Or, they’ll whip out with: “We’ve got a Double-Standard Here, people!”   (They don’t want hate crimes legislation to protect the gays…But they’ll jump at the chance for a “don’t pick on a Republican” legislation in a New York Minute!

It’s pathetic!

It’s Weak!

Let’s try this one step at a time. Because Tim Graham is just out right lying to his readership with this whole “double-standard idea”.

Double Standard #1:

John Edwards (D) v. Sarah Palin (R)

When it was discovered that John Edwards had been having an affair on his wife, the entire GOP Propaganda Machine (a.k.a. Mainstream Media) gasped: “His career is over with! His career is finished!!! Oh, his dear poor wife!”

The story was originally spilled by none other than The National Enquirer.

Fox’s Hannity and Colmes did not hesitate to have Chris Kofinas, Edwards’ campaign manager on their show to drill him on the “horror”.

But, the National Enquirer also published a story about Sarah Palin who had skanked on her husband and cheated on him in an affair.

The GOP gasped in horror – but not at the fact that Palin’s career was as was apparently Edwards’.  They gasped that the National Enquirer would even print such an alleged malicious lie!

In fact, the GOP threatened lawsuits against the Enquirer for even considering publishing the idea that they’re Political Lolita from Alaska would be a skank in the first place.

Governor Palin’s political career wasn’t over like Edwards’ career was “over”. Quite the contrary! The GOP loves Sarah Palin! We don’t know why, we think she’s dumber than a pail of nails! But, then that only means Sarah Palin’s Fan Club is grouped together by some very stupid pails.

Say, Mr. Graham! Is this one of those “double standards” you’re talking about?!

Double Standard #2:

Jim McGreevey (D-NJ) v Larry Craig (R-ID)

When Governor McGreevey came out of the closet, he came flying out. He came out flying with a closet-full of boas; admitted to having an affair with another man. Governor McGreevey was gay. He immediately resigned.

Republican Media gasped in horror:  Not another Democrat with an infidelity problem?!

Yet, Senator Larry Craig was arrested for soliciting sex in the Mens Room restroom at the Twin Cities International Airport. Senator Craig bullied the police officer with his Senator ID badge, trying to intimidate the officer, but it didn’t work. A few months later, the Senator plead guilty to the charge.

But, what happened to the Senator for Not-Coming-Out?

Nothing!  He’s happily back at his office doing whatever it is that he does for his good citizens of Idaho!  It’s embarrassing for them.  But, there’s no consequences for his actions?  He plead guilty for soliciting sex in a men’s restroom and there’s nothing wrong with that?  What kind of GOPervert party is this anyway?

Say, Mr. Graham! Is this one of those “double standards” you’re talking about?!

Double Standard #3:

Eliot Spritzer (D-NY) v. David Vitter (R-LA)

Governor Spitzer (D-NY) was caught in a prostitution ring. He was kicked out of office immediately.   Boom! Out of a job!  Go away!

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) was caught in a prostitution ring and this is what he did.

He drags his wife Wendy out wearing a tight leopard-print dress and shouts into the microphone

I’M SORRY!!

…And he goes back to work.  Not a care in the world…  Nothing about the fact that he was getting wrapped in a diaper while tens of thousands of his fellow Louisianans were floating dead in the drink.

So, the Democrat bangs some prostitutes, he’s sent home with a report card full of F’s.  But if a Republican bangs a brothel full of prostitutes, he drags his wench-looking wife in front of the cameras and apologizes and he gets to go back to work?!

Say, Mr. Graham! Is this one of those “double standards” you’re talking about?!

Double Standard #4:

Rod Blagojevich (D-IL) v. Ted Stevens (R-AK)

This Governor of Illinois was arrested and charged with a wide-variety of corruption charges, including an attempt to acution off the US Senate seat that was vacated by then President-Elect Barack Obama.  Within weeks, the Illinois Legislature impeached the governor who went later to stand trial and eventually convicted.

Ted Stevens (R-AK) was charged and convicted on seven counts of corruptions charges.  Stevens plead innocent of the charges, he was brought in front of a jury and he was convicted, unanimously on each count. What happened?  He continued to run for US Senate.  In December, following the election, what happened?

You got it, Baby!  The United States Senate stood up and gave this convicted felon a standing ovation!

Governor Blagojevich didn’t get an applause.  He didn’t even get a trial until after he was impeached!  Both plead not-guilty but only the Republican got to go on and receive his homage while the Democrat was shunned and pulled out like a weed from an old lady’s  garden.

Say, Mr. Graham! Is this one of those “double standards” you’re talking about?!

There’s no truth to back-up what these conservatives are saying these days.  Their truth is their demise.  Because each time a Democrat goes down for some unscrupulous practice, they step down and the party becomes more united to try harder.   The Republicans, this isn’t the way they work.  Although they “claim” those “Good American Family Values”, they are values you and I are expected to uphold.  Their values are way off-base to the ones they preach.  And that’s one of the many reasons the GOP is not going to make it in the end.
The Fratllis - Chelsea Dagger

Ann Coulter: She’ll Lie By Omission and Admission At The Same Time

Ann CoulterPoor pathetic little Ann.  That Adams Apple just bobs up and down while she lies her little fanny off, all for the American people to see.

When she prattles on along with that condescending,  snotty tone of hers, why do people find that appealing? She’s missing her tennis racket, her white Nike visor a fuzzy green ball and her BFF’s Tiffany and Amber!

See Ann Lie.

Lie Ann, Lie!

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) was a phlanderer and he wasn’t punished.  Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) was caught and plead guilty for being a philanderer and he’s still in office.

She blames Barney Frank for being a philanderer and that’s another lie!  Barney Frank’s boyfriend was caught running a prostitution ring, not Barney Frank!

Lie Ann, Lie!

h/t Joe.My.God.

Ah…Another Republican caught with a prostitute

Nice.  Hannity hanging with his whores…

afire_kandi_sean_karla_afaOooo!! Look!  Here’s a picture of Sean Hannity with a prostitute and I think he’s got an erection!

hannity-bunny-ranch2<sigh> yeah, sadly – it doesn’t take an awful lot of effort to cover up poor Sean’s tallywacker.  He’s hung like a cashew!

You can see all of these XXX-rated photos by running off to the Bunny Ranch to see their “family photos” of other Republican perverts who frequent the establishment to review their, ehem, “Strong American family values”!

His Wiki says he’s married to a “woman” named Jill Rhodes.  No argument there.  I mean; there’s not a lot of Republicans these days who seem to worry about Herpes, HIV and clamidia. Have you seen Larry Craig’s wife talking about sexually trasmitted diseases lately?  David Vitter’s wife?!?  Exactly what I’m talking about.  Perhaps that’s what’s really going on: FruitFly 6These Republicans are marrying the whores that they frequent in brothels throughout the country  and the concern over STD’s is simply irrelevant!

In Hannity’s case, the train has left “Sandpaper Sally’s Ally” and it’s apparently pulled into “Pineapple Peter Station”!

Pastor Ted Haggard Explains His Gayness: “We Blew It”!

Yes kiddies…! Pastor Ted Haggard’s back again!! Only this time, he’s front and center to explain why his “gay life” was kept in The Closet for all of these years: He was sexually abused as a child.

That’s it! We can all go home now! Everything is A-OK! Nothing to see here! Move on along!! Thanks for your concern! Thanks for stopping!!

Once again we have a conservative Republican, horribly addicted to Meth, addicted to illicit sexual activity with a prostitute and addicted to adult gay porn — Blame all of it on someone else.

I’ve always thought that the first step in any addiction is for the person to fully confront that they have the disease and deal with it one day at a time. I could prattle on all of the remaining eleven steps of sobriety but it’s that first one I’ve always been told what was the most important.

Pastor Ted Haggard, leader of the National Association of Evangelicals, admitted to having a long-term sexual affair with 49-year old male prostitute Mike Jones in Denver, CO. Jones, right before the 2006 elections, dropped the bomb-shell of the century that shattered the NAE, an organization that included over 47,000 churches and over 30 million members nationwide. Jones admitted to providing meth during the weekend-long sexual adventures where they remained perpetually stoned and watched gay porn.

On November 4th, just weeks after the bombshell of a story exploded, the NAE demanded Haggard’s resignation while other prominent homophobic religious zealots scrambled for safety. Uber-Hate Monger, James B. Dobson, president of Focus on the Family, came out swinging with this:

“The possibility that an illicit relationship has occurred is alarming to us and to millions of others,” Dobson said.

“He will continue to be my friend, even if the worst allegations prove accurate,” he continued. “Nevertheless, sexual sin, whether homosexual or heterosexual, has serious consequences.”

While Tony Perkins, chair of the uber-Hate Group “The Family Research Council” came out with:

“In his position as a leader of the evangelical community, this personal tragedy has public ramifications, so we urge that a full accounting of the facts be swift and complete.”

One year later, Mike Jones went on a radio station in Las Vegas and noted that US Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) was also one of his regular clients.

Fast forward another year and 1 week later, and Pastor Ted is blaming an employee of his father’s business for his bizarre attraction towards 49 year old male prostitutes:

Haggard said one of his father’s employees “had a sexual experience with me” when Haggard was 7, according to audio recordings of the sermons posted on the ABC News Web site.

Haggard said he later became “a conservative Republican, loving the word of God, an evangelical, born-again, spirit-filled, charismatic, all those things.

“But some of the things that were buried in the depths of the sea from when I was in the second grade started to rage in my mind and in my heart,” he said.

So, it was some other sexual pervert that made you gay, is that right Pastor Ted?! Now I see how easy it would be to be finally cured! Once I’m “cured”, does that mean I’ll join a construction crew and whistle lewdly at blond chicks with big racks? You mean, all I have to do is kick out a sketchy story that blames some obscure male figure in my childhood and everything will be okay?

WOW!

To think that something that simple and the world would be plagued with millions of little Junior Fruit Flies!

Pastor Ted then went on to blame everybody else for failing to capitalize on the opportunity to use the event to proseltyze the Word of God through mainstream media.

Haggard said church leaders missed an opportunity to use his scandal to “communicate the gospel worldwide through secular media.”

“We consistently blow it when those opportunities arise”, he said.

“A congressman in trouble, that’s the time. A family member gets himself in horrible trouble, that’s the time. A preacher gets himself in awful trouble, that’s the time,” he said, his voice rising to a near-shout.

Extra Homework Credit: Watch the ABC News Exclusive with Pastor Ted’s Story by clicking here.

Extra-Extra Homework Credit: Someone please tell me that Mrs. Ted Haggard has taken an AIDS test. That goes for all of these Republican wives for God’s Sakes! Larry Craig’s wife Suzanne needs an AIDS test, David Vitter’s (R-LA) wife Wendy needs an AIDS test..! These Republican wives are nothing but depositories of the AIDS virus and nobody seems to be interested in noting the obvious. It would behoove Laura Bush herself get an AIDS test too… Let’s not forget that other Closet Queen, Jeff Gannon who was living in the White House for two years…

Oh dear… I’m preaching to the choir now..! What have I worked myself up to..??! Worrying about Republican wives? Ted Haggard?! Why should I care about these people?!?!

There isn’t a single one of them that gave a flying-fuck about any gay man who died of the AIDS virus from 1978-2008.

Why should I care about any of them?


Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Larry Craig: Caught in the Bathroom again! (Well, sort of…)

larry craig stallThis deserves no explanation – the joke writes itself. From The Hill:

While reporters were hovering outside a Capitol Hill conclave of the Michigan and Florida delegations last Wednesday night, Rep. Neil Abercrombie (D-Hawaii) just happened to come by to use the restroom, which he did.housefly

But when he emerged, flashing lights surprised him as several cameramen pointed their lenses at Abercrombie. They had been given instructions to shoot any live bodies they could see.

Being from Hawaii, Abercrombie doesn’t have a dog in the Michigan-Florida delegation fight, but there he was, caught in the glare of the cameras like the proverbial deer in the headlights.

Momentarily stunned by the three cameras staring him in the face, Abercrombie decided to have a little Aloha State fun when he looked back toward the restroom and shouted:

“Come on, Larry, it’s all over!”FruitFly

To be clear, there was no one else in the restroom at the time, including Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho) — the obvious Larry in question.

Summer Intern “Jobs” Available: Only GOP College Students Need to Apply

Larry Craig ad

WASHINGTON DC: Idaho Senator Larry Craig is currently seeking naked male summer interns for the summer term which runs from summer to fall. The deadline for the position ends on March 15th, however extensions will be offered if applicants are willing to meet the Senator in any designated restrooms for the asking. Preference is given to Idaho male applicants attending Idaho schools who are in their junior or senior years of college (including graduating seniors and football quarterbacks).

“Interns have the chance to be an essential part of a working congressional orgy office,” said Craig. “They participate in the legislative process as well as ensure that constituent services run smoothly. For those interested in politics, it is an incredible opportunity to get a behind-the-scenes look at how our government functions while serving the people of Idaho.”

Interns are paired with other hot staff members based on package size, body build, over all hotness and discretion experience and interests, in order to best utilize their sexual talents. They are also expected to fulfill the Senator’s sexual appetite some administrative duties such as answering phones, sorting email and greeting constituents.

Applications are more information about the internship program are available on Craig’s website at http://www.youporn.com or at any of Craig’s six regional offices in Coeur d’Alene, Lewiston, Boise, Twin Falls, Pocatello and Idaho Falls. It is recommended that applications be delivered personally to the regional offices for obvious reasons. Applications can be mailed, but delays are likely due to heightened security measures for Senate mail. Mailed applications should be directed to:

Office of Senator Larry Craig

Attn: Internship Program

United States Senate

Washington, DC 20510-1203

(202) 224-2752

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FruitFly