Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

McCain’s AZ Co-Chair Rick Renzi Indicted: This time, It Wasn’t For Toilet Sex

McCain TalosianThe Huffington Post has reported less than an hour ago, Arizona Congress- man Rick Renzi has been indicted for extortion, money laundering, wire fraud among others. Congressman Renzi (R-AZ) also serves as the Arizona co-chair for John McCain’s campaign for President of the United States.

Rick RenziSays the Huffington Post:

The charges boil down to this, basically. Renzi is charged with doing everything he can as a congressman to strong-arm others into buying land from his buddy James Sandlin — Sandlin then allegedly kicked back sizable chunks of cash back to Renzi in a series of complicated financial transactions (thus the money laundering charge). The main details of these charges were reported by the Arizona papers and The Wall Street Journal last year.

The entire indictment can be read here.

Renzi stepped down from his position on the House Intelligence Committee on April 20th in 2007 after his business and house was raided by the FBI and several documents were removed. Said the Congressman when he had heard about the raid:

“Today, the FBI came to my family’s business to obtain documents related to their investigation,” Renzi said. “I view these actions as the first step in bringing out the truth. Until this matter is resolved, I will take a leave of absence from the House Intelligence Committee. I intend to fully cooperate with this investigation.”

Senator McCain, apathetically decided Congressman Renzi was still the best crook man to chair his presidential campaign anyway and made him a co-chair in his home state of Arizona.

This news comes on the heels of just two days ago when it was implied by the New York Times that Senator McCain had an unsually, and perhaps a sexual relationship, with the powerful telecom lobbyist, Vicki Iseman.

A female lobbyist had been turning up with him at fund-raisers, visiting his offices and accompanying him on a client’s corporate jet. Convinced the relationship had become romantic, some of his top advisers intervened to protect the candidate from himself — instructing staff members to block the woman’s access, privately warning her away and repeatedly confronting him, several people involved in the campaign said on the condition of anonymity.

Senator McCain denied the charges and his staff whined about “the liberal press”.

bob allenIn July of 2007, Senator McCain’s Florida campaign co-chair, state representative Bob Allen (R-FL), was arrested for solicitation of sex in a men’s public restroom in Titusville, FL where he was offering $20.00 for the opportunity to perform the sex act.

Allen was considered to be acting suspicious by police as he entered and exited the men’s room three times, according to a Titusville Police report. Moments later, he approached the plainclothes officer and offered to perform oral sex for $20, police said.

GAy RestroomBob Allen, a long time champion of Anti-Gay Rights in Florida plead not guilty, paid the $500 bail and then said to the press:

“I am filing a not guilty plea. I am vigorously going to fight this,” he said. “I am not resigning my office, because the people elected me [and] want me to do a good job and I am going to do a good job for them in finishing this term. ..

Representative Allen’s arrested record can be found by clicking here.

Allen’s rational, when he was arrested, stated that he made the offer because:

In describing an incident where he was arrested for soliciting prostitution, the representative commented that he was afraid a “stocky black man” was going to rob him.

Meaning of course; “If you’re in the public toilet and a “stocky black man” comes in, you should offer to perform oral sex on him and give him a twenty-dollar bill as a bribe in exchange for your life, or at a minimum – your wallet.” Lest we all forget, this man proudly promoted anti-gay legislation and championed the idea that GLBT citizens lacked good “American family values”. Representative Allen later apologized rather stupidly to the Florida NAACP by saying:

“Are you ducking into a class warfare, race warfare scenario? Are you trying to pit the two together? If that sensitivity has been crossed that’s defiantly something I’d apologize for,” Allen said.

During the trial, the jury was taken to the Titusville park where he was arrested and were given a tour of the mens room before they found him guilty. Which is interesting, because he didn’t offer any of the jury members twenty dollars to suck their members during the tour.

McKeeThis breaking news about Rick Renzi comes only a week after it was revealed that state delegate Robert A. McKee (R-MD) had his Hagarstown home searched by the FBI where they found child pornography. No word has come in on whether or not McKee had anything to do with John McCain’s presidential campaign in Maryland.FruitFly 6 But of course, I never even bothered to try to find out. It’s an easy assumption that he did.

RuPaul to Michele Bachmann: “I’ve just one thing to say…YOU’D BETTER WORK”

Old FruitfliesMichele Bachmann (R-MN) has opened her mouth and said something completely moronic…again. This time she isn’t groping GW Bush and hoping to swap some spit with him. Nor has she shown up with her gay fabulous husband at the I-35W bridge to laugh at the dead Minnesotans who’s bodies are rotting on the riverbed floor.

This time she’s insulted every citizen in Minnesota by jumping into the promotion of a bill called “The Middle Class Protection Act“. It’s a bill that doesn’t protect the middle class at all. In fact, the Middle Class isn’t even an equation in the bill at all! It’s a bill that cuts corporate taxes by 25%.

HA! “When was the last time the Middle Class saw a 25% tax cut, Ms. Former Tax Attorney?”

vomitBachmann will vote against Minnesota’s kids to get health care and she’ll give away 25% tax cuts for businesses… With a Congresscritter like that, who needs terrorists?! We’re already voting them in to office!

But Buchmann shows about as concerned about the Middle Class as she is about her husband’s missing ball-gag.

Thrilled by her narcissistic “brilliance”, Bachmann decides to brag it up about her new bill at a pres conference. (She’s not only counting big corporate donations to her campaign, ya know!). In front of hundreds of flashing bulbs and the dank odor of Old Spice coming from her audience, Bachmann smiles brightly and clears her throat. She grabs the the microphone, exactly like her husband taught her… A firm grip at the base, not so hard at the end…She pulls out the wad of Bazooka Joe that’s in her mouth and says:housefly

“I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota,” Bachmann said at a press conference today. “We’re the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs.”

…This, from a woman who’s whoring with the worst President of the United States and who’s husband has the largest collection of crop-whips north of the Mason-Dixon Line and east of the Pecos.

Bachmann wiggled away from the podium looking like a langostino wrapped in bacon, stopped once to picked the pink spandex Capris out of the crack in her ass and disappeared in her stretched limo. She didn’t bother to answer any questions. She never does. Nobody even got to ask if she even knew Minnesota lost 2,300 jobs in December alone. Not that anyone would expect her to know; she wouldn’t care anyway.

Black Garbage FlyOn that same day, Electrolux, a corporation in St Cloud, MN and deep inside Bachmann’s 6th District, laid off 190 employees. Do you think Michelle Bachmann knew that? If she did, and I ain’t sayin’ one way or the other; she could have thought intelligently about Minnesota’s inflation rate is currently at a 17 year high.

Bob Olson, a DFL candidate who’s expected to bring some form of respect to the citizens in Minnesota’s CD 6th, was quick for a response to Congresswoman Bachmann’s disgusting arrogance. In his own press release today, Mr. Olson said:

Folks don’t take extra hours or extra jobs for fun, congresswoman. They’re trying to survive. If you got out and talked to real folks, not handpicked audiences, you’d realize that health care costs are soaring; that college tuition is beyond the reach of many deserving students; and that gas prices are putting a pinch on many families–resulting in higher prices at the grocery store.

Hooche-mama… Nastay..! And he goes on:Pig Lipstick

I understand that you’re putting lipstick on our pig of an economy because the president you blindly support is running America into the ground, but touting the hardships that too many families from St. Cloud to Woodbury are enduring is absolutely offensive.

And after he’s bloodied her nose, he said:

Minnesota would be better served if you became the ‘workingest’ congresswoman in Washington and started seriously addressing the challenges our country faces. The people of our district didn’t send you to Washington to cozy up to the oil companies that are polluting our environment; the corporate titans that outsource our jobs; or the health insurance companies that jack up our premiums. They sent you there to work.

FruitFly 6And that, my friends, is a political Throwdown. If your Mother says shit like that to you, you don’t forget it for a very long time. If your minister says to you..”Look, the people sent you up there to DC to work…not shoot your mouth off like you’re an idiot…” You listen, and you best listen well. And, if RuPaul says it: Well…

Found in the Dumpster

New Aussie Prime Minister eats his own earwaxVoting Dumpster

Hey… Quit grossing out about the fact. At least we know he still hates Bush. (In the non-gay sort of way.) And since conservative John Howard’s administration is now defunct, there’s a new push to renew the same-sex marriage laws. With that in play, I’ll even invite the “Earwax Yum-Yum” guy to my own same-sex wedding.

Stupid celebrities too drunk to be considered “celebrities” in the future

Britney Spears hires a driver for her own habitual drinking-n-driving. That dude, shortly afterwards quits and says; “even in the back of the limo, she’s still a liability“. Does everybody remember when Britney was sober and acted like a Republican by saying stupidly:

“Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that…”

The remaining two transgendered members of HRC’s Board of Directors have resigned walked out

HRC (Human Rights Campaign) people had to weigh in between two evils with the ENDA bill as it passed through Congress: Getting some legislation passed without including the transgenered community in exchange of getting nothing passed at all.mosquito

Now we all know an unexpected truth: the Human Rights Campaign is only interested in some humans. But certainly not all of them. One could hardly blame Donna Rose and Jamison Greene.

I’m so old, I remember Marlon Riggs’ film Tongues Untied from 1991. Riggs’ film taught us about discrimination against gay people and how hypocritical it is when gay people discriminate against their own. In his case, against African-American gays and lesbians. Sixteen years later and one less Marlon Riggs in our midst and we’re still discriminating against our own!

Black Garbage FlyWe Are the World” retooled into a GLBT hate song by the “God Hates Fags” people

I think it’s fantastic, personally. Especially when you get to the parts where these Republican hags come to a chorus and start talking about eating our children. I’m guessing most of them are Mike Huckabee voters and a few of them are Ron Paul supporters. I could be wrong, but I’m sure I spotted Michele Bachmann somewhere past 2:23 into the middle of it. Her husband was behind the camera carrying his her purse.

US Presidential Democratic hopeful Mike Gravel does a great rap-tune

Up yours Puffy! Screw you Usher! “Bite me” Snoop! Y’all can’t hang with my boy Mike G when he’s hangin’ in the crib with his homeys!

Domain Registered company “Go Daddy dot Com” funds Larry Craig ads

Cheerleaders, hot blondes, pom-pom girls, it’s all about funding the upcoming NFL Super Bowl and Go Daddy dot com had to make a decision. They’ve decided to parody Larry Craig’s potty-behavior and have loads of fun with the idea, inspite of their konservative korporate kounterparts who are objecting to the marketing plans.

Bob Parsons, Go Daddy chief executive officer, announced the company’s advertising intentions in his blog Tuesday. He had blogged in August that the company was considering spending on other opportunities, citing the success of its Indianapolis 500 broadcast sponsorship.

But Go Daddy’s share of the domain-name market went from 16 percent before its 2005 Super Bowl ad to 25 percent in weeks and months after the game, Parsons said. Market share rose further to 32 percent after the 2006 ad and now stands at 42 percent, he said.

“If you look at the historical payoff, we came to the conclusion we can’t afford not to do it,” he said Tuesday in explaining the decision to buy at least one Super Bowl spot.

…that reminds me. I have a doman with GoDaddy I have to re-register and soon!!

Brigadier General Keith Kerr challenges the GOP Debates on Don’t Ask / Don’t Tellhousefly

It’s obvious the “gay-military” issue is a boondoggle for the Republican party. They championed this bill under Clinton and tried to screw him with it and now it’s coming home to roost.

In today’s world, the GOP dives for cover under the United States military for advice on the issue as an excuse.

Republican Presidential Panty-Waist: “OH GAWD! I dunno? Gays and Lesbians handling the file cabinets? Oh crap!! I mean… They’re the ones who will have to decide to respect a fellow-American who’s in charge of “civil-engineering” the US military base’s commissary produce contracts!!

Watch Mitt Romney get booed. Watch John McCain salute the General!!

But best of all; watch Anderson Cooper recover after CNN staffers screw up the General’s microphone and his original message become obsolete within a matter of seconds.

Suburban Mom tells it like it should beFruitFly 6

Mrs. Hughes will discuss her son Scooter, Howard be Thy name and feeling personally responsible for Global Warming because of her own personal hot flashes.

Found in Michele Bachmann’s diary: 10/18/07

Dear DiaryWOOOO! DEAR daiREE!! I am trying to stay focus long enough to relish this moment in time…. It’s a great time for our great Deveined Leader George W Bush and all of us at the G OH-PEEEE.. I just love it…. TEN-MILLION little kids without health care and I don’t CARE!!!!! WOOOOO!!! WOOH!!

Marcus is still dwnstairs drinking and party and I had to slip away and write a few notes to relish the momment. I had to pee anyway and WOOOO!!!! I have been drinking earlier with John Kline, Steve Chabot, Dave Camp, John Mica and the rest of us who voted agnst the SCHP bill and we all WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both Denny Hastert and Jerry Weller are both from Illinois and are both leaving the House of Representatives…BUT THEY DECIDED TO STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO KILL A FEW MORE KIDS! AHAHAHAAHAHAH AHHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAAH AHHAHAHAHH HAHAHAHAH

My buddy Virgil Goode of Virgnya climb up on a chair and shouted with beer splinning all over him shouting BETTER THAN SOCIAlized MEDICIDNE IS NO MEDICIDNE !!! Or something like that…

HAHAAHAH! HAHAHAH!!

 

Drunk PartyTHAt stupid SCHIP program is dead! We won!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOO!!!!!! Theyre all yellin downstares partying WOOOOO!!!Those nastly little kids can die for all I care. Let them all go to Hell… I don’t care about them. Ive been say LET JESUS SORT EM OUT! I found my SUV keys underneath my chair.

I think Lindsay Roberts is calling me and I can’t find my Iphon…

HELLO!?!! oh wait… hang on…

WOOHOOOOO!! Lindsay Roberts called and told me that she was goin to let me haveone of her boytoys she texstss messegases all of the time. H’es sonly 15 but he has HEALTH INSURANCE! HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHA AT least he won’t die on me HAHAHAHAH!

We killed that SCHIP and that little Graeme Frost little kidBethany whooo?!??! AHAHHAHA!!!

Nancy Pilosi haha Pilosi was so not happy and she was trying to…PiLOSI Librals!! HAHAHAHAHA and aall of GAYS TOO!!! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA I HATE THOSE CHIKLDREN!@!!!!!! Let em all die! hahahahaha!!FruitFly

Oh tank y jesus…. we kan kill em if theyr born bad and if htey get sick and if htey rgrow up we’ll kill em in iraq…. HAHAHA

gnightdiary

WE WON!! HAHA!

 

Found in Michele Bachmann’s Diary

Dear Diary

August 23, 2007

Yesterday was the most thrilling day of my life. I had such a wonderful time, I don’t know where to even begin.

While Congress was in recess, the Interstate 35W bridge collapsed and killed thirteen non-believers. But that wasn’t the best part. All of us from the Minnesota delegation got word that God’s Blessedly Appointed President of the United States was flying in on His Angel’s Wings to view the wreckage.

It so amazing to comprehend the reality that President Bush actually cares about these dead unbelievers! But was even more fantastic was when I realized he might be coming to Minnesota just to see me!kissies

I mean, President Bush is so… Oh I don’t know how to describe him…. He’s so handsome! The last time I had been with him here in Minnesota, we let Karl Rove tag along while the two of us got intimate over custard ice-cream at Glaciers Custard and Coffee Café in Wayzata. Now that I think of it, it was almost exactly a year ago! That means, if I would have let George have his way with me back then, God would have blessed us with a child that would be three months old! I wish we could have gotten rid of Rove.

So while we’re at the wreckage of the I-35W bridge, Laura Bush kept giving me dirty looks. Scowling at me and I think she mouthed the word “b-i-t-c-h” once while she was hiding behind the Presidential limousine trying to light a cigarette. She’s such a doll! What a sweetie. But if that nasty little cupcake can’t make God’s Anointed sexually happy, it would be a blessing for me to step in her place.

kissiesThere he was, standing on the 10th Avenue bridge looking at the wreckage next to the Governor and I couldn’t help myself by checking him out. There was this little breeze and the rear flap of the President’s suit coat flipped up and I have to say; the President has the best looking rump I’ve seen on any man in my life. It looks firm, and so round…and manly! He has those wide manly shoulders and those thick fingers. Marcus has that ugly flat-iron type of rump and his fingers are smooth, like a womans. And Marcus’ lips are full and icky while George’s lips are thin…and manly.

Everybody stood around and chatted. Laura returned smelling like a pack of Pall-Malls and she glared at me again, I think. Senator Amy Klobuchar was shaking her head chatting with some non-believers and Senator Norm Coleman kept looking staring at some woman’s breasts, I think it was his wife.

All of a sudden, George spotted me and that’s when I leaked akissies little pee in my panties. He pushed Governor Pawlenty out of the way (who almost fell over the railing) and came running after me! He grabbed me in those tree-trunks he calls arms and dipped me really low and kissed me long and deeply. His tongue, wrapped around my tongue, his hands holding me ever so strong. I could feel his bulge pulsing against my thigh. Every muscle in my body simply released, I think I might have even let out one of those silent farts. My entire body simply went limp; I was his and his forever.

I mean, I was being kissed by someone God Almighty had selected to be the President of the Free World! The fire of God when through me! I mean, this is what God meant for me when he called me to go Washington: To be put together with George just then, high above the mighty Mississippi, kissing me, loving my body. I was once again, that Fool for Christ.

He lifted me up and we stood there nose-to-nose and for one second, we were of one mind, of one intimate though. I was at the brink of loosing it. He smiled at me with those tiny little yellow teeth and I knew then that he really missed me.

kissiesHe was about to hug me and kiss me again when Laura broke my gaze. She was glaring at me like a hot Texas fire-brand. George pulled me in for another hug and kiss but I put both hands firmly on his chest and pushed back. He looked shocked, and hurt.

He said: “What? You don’t want to embrace?”

But I realized that if Laura could find the keys, she’d run me over with any of the parked cars in the area. Quickly, I said;

The people of Minnesota love you Mr. President, but I think one kiss was enough.”

He suddenly realized we were surrounded by lots and lots of people! He grinned wisely and his hand slid down by back and stopped on my own cute little bottom and I grinned back at him. He smirked as if he understood the same thought, that we could be giving off signals that would make tongues wag. And I think he also understood that one day soon (I hope), the two of us would share the same bed and we would make a passionate love that would make angels cry.

The President’s detail interrupted us and he waskissies whisked away. I was singing Jesus’ praises in my heart, and I went back to our limousine. I found Marcus in the front seat next to our driver re-applying his strawberry flavored Chap-stick using the rear-view mirror. I got into the back and Marcus joined me and we took off and that’s when Marcus and I go into a little bit of a fight.

I was so flushed with love, I had to tell him that President Bush gave me a little kiss. (I didn’t dare tell my husband the lust I have for the President!!) We were in the back of the limousine and and I’m starting to tell him about meeting President Bush. And when I got to the part where the President kissed me, Marcus interrupted me and said; “He did?! What was it like? Was it like a hard kiss or one of those quick soft kisses?”

I said; “Marcus! Don’t interrupted me!” and then I remembered my slightly damp panties and asked him for a tissue out of his purse.

And I’m continuing with my story by saying; “…George was about to hug me and I said…” Marcus interrupted me again and said; “Was it a strong hug? Because whenever he hugs me, it’s that wonderful manly-kind of hugs, you know?!”

I said; “Marcus! You’ve interrupted me again!”

He said; “Just tell me! Was it like a manly, firm, tight…manly kind of hugs?”!

That’s when I had heard enough. I said: “If you’re going to keep interrupting me, then I’m not going to tell you.”

Well, I hear Marcus downstairs talking to Senator Larry Craig again. I guess I should close here. Marcus’ X-Gay program at his psychiatry firm is going veryFruitFly 6 well! Ever since he converted Pastor Ted Haggard to be one hundred percent heterosexual, he’s been getting lots of calls from Republicans from all over the country! State representative Bob Allen will be staying with us while he’s being treated by Marcus next month and Glenn Murphy will be visiting us in October!

Until next time…

Mrs. Michele Bush…

kissieskissieskissies

Found on a Doorstep

doorstephouseflyMSNBC’s Kieth Olbermann is AFK (away from keyboard) because he’s now missing his appendix. It means we’ll be stuck with that blond girl for the next day or so.

houseflySec of State Condi Rice is now officially a lesbian. Well, sort of… She shares ownership of a home in Palo Alto with a liberal progressive documentary film maker. The woman is single, never been married and is considered Dr. Rice’s closest friend. Oh…and the woman’s lasts name is “Bean”. Obviously, the home’s mailbox proudly says; “Rice and Bean’s“.

houseflySenators John Kerry (D-MA) and John McCain (R-AZ) were on Meet the Press on Sunday. When the fight was over, McCain had a broken arm, a wrenched back a bloody-lip and one tooth was missing. Kerry walked away as the declared winner with only a black-eye.

houseflyThe Flying Nun has a foul mouth – But thankfully, FOX was there to protected us from the profanity. Click here if you want to hear the uncensored version, but remember: Jesus will hate you for it.

houseflyMinneapolis’ famous bridge remains collapsed. No money has been received from the feds, no agreements on rebuilding the bridge, no contracts to the bridge and the Mayor leaves for US Conference of Mayors embarrassed and ashamed. Said Minnesota’s Republican Governor Tim Pawlenty: “So what? The mayor has plenty of other roads available! Why are these Democrats such jerks! Gimme Gimme Gimme! That’s all they whine about…!!!”

Update: Another bridge in Minneapolis has been closed. It’s been discovered that the foundation, built in 1905, has shifted about eleven inches from it’s original position. The decking of the bridge was last replaced in 1958. Note: MN DOT isn’t doing anything about this bridge – it’s a county project and the Governor kept making “whiny” noise-imitations when he was told about this bridge closing.

houseflyThe Chinese have generously given Hawai’i a boat load of poisonous spiders, which they didn’t want in the first place. US Customs officials, understaffed and under paid aren’t sure of what to do about it. Perhaps killing them would be appropriate? Said one Customs official: “Thankfully, al Queda hasn’t figured out the shipping industry yet.”

houseflyRepublican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney uses St Vincent’s Hospital in New York City to explain why Hillary Clinton’s health care plan is stupid and how much the Mormon church hates sick mommies and daddies. St Vincent’s Hospital objected to being used as a prop for political reasons, and Romney’s team shot back: “Who cares what St Vincent’s thinks?”

houseflyCurentTV’s Super News has a new issue out that’s fun. It accurately depicts the Republican Party’s young people in a timeless episode spoofing the movie “The Hills“.

houseflyJim Ramstad (R-MN 3rd CD) has just announced (less than an hour ago) that he will not be running for re-election in 2008. When asked why he said; “Two reasons! One ..! Because Michele Bachmann keeps hitting on me and whining that her husband is gay. Two..! Because I don’t wantFruitFly 6 to be representing the minority party in Congress for the next twenty years!”

Update: Minnesota’s GOP Chair, Ron Carey, has announced that auditions for Congressman Ramstad’s Republican replacement will be held at a Mens Room at the Minneapolis/St Paul Airport…which is now a tourist trap.