Lesbian’s Father Running for President of the United States (His Dirty Little Secret)

Maya Marcel-KeyesMaya Keyes probably wouldn’t appreciate that title so much. After all, it was her father on Feb 4, 2005, who kicked her into the streets without any money and no place to live after she came out of the closet as a lesbian. Err…, I meant “liberal queer lesbian“. Two weeks later on Valentines Day, Maya Marcel-Keyes stood in front of GLBT citizens in Annapolis, MD at a “Equality Maryland” rally and said:

“Things just came to a head. Liberal queer plus conservative Republican just doesn’t mesh well,” she said. “That was making my life a little bit turbulent.”

Yes, the picture you’re looking at is Maya who was homeless and penniless only two weeks earlier.

Her father, a Republican (of course), wouldn’t have anything to do with her and said the day before earlier:

“My daughter is an adult, and she is responsible for her own actions. What she chooses to do has nothing to do with my work or political activities.”

In 2004, while on the campaign trail competing for a US Senate seat in Illinois, Alan Keys was interviewed on the radio where he greedily discussed his hatred for homosexuality. Of Mary Cheney, the Vice President’s daughter who is a lesbian, Keyes called her a “selfish hedonist”. He went on with:

Then, without having been asked anything about his own family, [Keyes] volunteered that “if my daughter were a lesbian, I’d look at her and say, ‘That is a relationship that is based on selfish hedonism.’ I would also tell my daughter that it’s a sin and she needs to pray to the Lord God to help her deal with that sin.”

Maya’s coming out shouldn’t have been a surprise to her parents Alan and Jocelyn. They’d found gay newspapers under her bed during her teen years and they berated her about homosexuality. Keyes’ conversation on the radio was all a lie. He already knew his daughter was a lesbian!

Her parents have known that Maya is a lesbian since they found a copy of the Washington Blade, the gay weekly, in her room and confronted her at the end of high school (she went to Oakcrest School for Girls, a Catholic school in McLean run by the church’s highly devout Opus Dei movement.) Ever since, Maya says, her parents have told her that her sexuality is wrong and sinful.

“As long as I was quiet about being gay or my politics, we got along,” she says. “Then I went to the Counterinaugural,” last month’s protests in Washington against President Bush. “My father didn’t like that.”

If you’re really interested in Alan Keyes’ hatred view towards homosexuality, you can explore his “logic” on “Why homosexual couples adopting a child leads towards incest” by watching this:

(It’s truly stunning to see Arrogance, Stupidity and Idiocy all combined inside a suit and tie wrapper.)

Alan Keyes, the stalwart of the Republican Party and the pride of conservative American family values, made an appearance at the GOP Debates in December 2007. Having a podium of his own, it left everybody curious as to why he was even up there! Was he running? Was he serious about running?

Homophobic AssholesThe GOP always has made room for Hatred! There’s no such thing as “too much homophobia”! Of course Alan Keyes is running for president, Silly! Only this time, he’ll have to do it without Maya’s help.

  • Take notice of the cartoon of Bride and Bride getting married on his “official website”.
  • Now take notice of the first bullet line on his website? It’s an attack on Mitt Romney’s alleged direct involvement with gay marriage in Massachusetts.
  • Now the first sentence in the piece quotes Keyes by saying:

“Mitt Romney is single-handedly responsible for instituting same-sex marriage in Massachusetts.”

Using the same logic, Keyes goes on to explain his own stupidity:

“Most people are unaware of the way Massachusetts came to adopt same-sex marriage,” the former Reagan administration diplomat said. “They think the state’s Supreme Judicial Court forced it to happen. That’s incorrect.”

Said Keyes, “The court merely issued an opinion stating that, in its view, the existing marriage law was unconstitutional because it failed to allow persons of the same sex to marry. The court then gave the legislature 180 days to ‘take such action as it may deem appropriate in light of this opinion’ — implicitly telling lawmakers to come up with a new marriage statute.”

Obviously Willard Romney didn’t do enough during that 180-day window of time to fully satisfy the Very Honorable and extraordinarily Pompous Alan Keyes. Keyes completes his stupidity with this comment:

“This action by Mitt Romney is among the most socially-damaging actions by a chief executive in our nation’s history. Because of its far-reaching implications for the future of the traditional family, it threatens to destroy our entire moral and cultural fabric more than any other executive action I can think of.”

And here all these years, I thought it was bad grammar to end a sentence with a preposition.

That Gay Marriage in Massachusetts thing happened in May of 2004. And ya know… I don’t really see it destroying our entire moral and cultural fabric!!! What moral and cultural fabric has been destroyed after four and a half years’ time? If anybody can leave a comment with some ideas on what moral fabric has been destroyed as a direct result of gay marriage, I would certainly appreciate the heads up on that!!!

What do I admire the most about Alan Keyes? It’s the fact that on his MySpace account, he lists himself as a “Proud Parent” in the bio-section. You just can’t get hypocrisy any better than that.

FruitFlyI’m blaming Mark Karlin, Editor and Publisher of BuzzFlash.com for this story. It was his fault that I had to do all this work to write this story. Meanwhile, click on my picture for a cool little campaign song for Alan Keyes and his bid for President of the United States.

FruitFly News: Scum, Scabs, Scraps and Leftovers

Frizze 1 headlineGood evening everybody, thank you for joining us and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee. On Tuesday, Dr. Robert Gates met with the United States Senate for confirmation hearings to replace Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld. Second to question Dr. Gates, Senator Carl Levin (D-MI) asked pointedly: “…Do you think we’re winning the Iraq?” Dr. Gates, after a short thoughtful moment said; “No Sir, I don’t.” Meanwhile President George W. Bush, in the Oval White House, saw Dr. Gates’ answer and threw the bottle of Jim Beam against the wall and called for his limousine. President Bush was heard leaving the White House saying: “Who told that Longhorn Sumabitch to say that…I’m the Deciding..err! And I decide what he’s gonna say an’ what he ain’t!” Dr. Gates is reportedly doing fine with a laceration above his eye and small pellets peppering his face on the left-hand side. Vice President Dick Cheney was not on hand for comment.

BBush1In other related news, the Southern White Trash Association has named the Bush Twins “Drunken Prom Whores” for the upcoming 2008 Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, beating out front-runner Brittney Spears. Last month, Barbara and Jenna Bush, found in Johannesburg, South Africa, were caught smoking and drinking with a noticeably younger crowd of Yale Students. Partiers at the Fall Break Festivities objected to the First Twins attendance. Christine Franklin of Youngsown,BBush2 Ohio said; “Oh-my-God… Look at her butt. What in the hell is she doing here? She’s like a geriatric drunken bitch. How old is she anyway, 40?!” Tim LeFavre from Boston, MA said to our reporter; “Oh my lord… First of all, the pink scaf with a brown dress?! Are you kidding me? And check out that ‘back pocket’ action she got going on. Carryng around one beer isn’t enough – she’s gotta carry a second in the pocket of her dress.! What a little bitch.” Pete Schmidtz of Bel Aire, California was over heard laughing with his friends telling them that while he was “‘Boning da Jenna’…he met three of his football teammates and the school mascot” who’ve been missing for two years.

Celebrating their 25th birthday in Buenos Aires, Argentina – the United States Embassy asked the Royal Bush Twins to cut their trip short and leave the country. Citing “security concerns”, the Bush Twins heeded the advice, noting that if their Daddy doesn’t have to listen to the Iraqi Study Group, then they don’t have to listen to the Embassy. Manuel Ortiz Calderra de Jesus Barillo, a hotel bellhop said; “Si…It is not good the Bush Twins stay. The last time they were here, Rio de Jeneiro suffered a barage of scabies. It was like the plague of death.”

Mr. Barillo added; “We’ll take Nazi refugees in this country…But we won’t take Bush! Scabies is a serious business!”

Spears FannyBrittany Spears has begun to flash her “cooter” in an effort to draw attention to herself. Feeling left out with Southern White Trash’s decision to name the Bush Twins as “Prom Whores” for the 2008 election, Ms. Spears has been hanging out with the lobotomized and inebriated Paris Hilton, now that Nichole Richie is in rehab. Leaving her newborn children at home next to an open oven door set on 450, Brittney shaved her cooter, plucked her eyebrows, braided her armpits and bravely went out in a micro-mini skirt delighted by the “free and easy breezy” feeling under her skirt was heard saying; “Now I know how Marilyn Manson felt during that one scene on the sidewalk in that old black and white movie”.

Meanwhile, Mary Cheney is having a baby and nobody knowsHypocrite who’s the father. Mary Cheney, a lesbian in a long-term committed relationship, defied everything sacred with the Republican Party by deciding to have a baby and raise it without a Daddy. “We’re calling it our ‘little miracle’,” said Lynn Cheney, the Vice President’s wife who has 5 grandchildren already. “We know she doesn’t have a father-figure for her baby, but that’s okay. There are millions of babies born into single-parent homes and they turn out just fine!”

Finally, we are happy to bring you an exclusive testimony in regarding the Swiftboating that’s going on in Forest Lake, MN. Since the story first ran last week, we’ve been inundated with phone calls and media hype everywhere. The Comments section has become clogged and the WordPress people have complained about the overwhelming number of hits that they’ve had.

Ms XYZOne person who knows the “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” has come forward to offer her views on the topic. She initially has told the Fruit Fly News staffers that she wanted to remain anonymouse because she feared for her life. “Andy Meyers can be a real piece of work”, the source said. “But I want the world to know what’s going on in our fine town of Forest Lake.” For the purposes of anonymity, we will be calling our source; “Ms. XYZ”.

Ms. XYZ – thank you for joining us tonight! You must be very brave.

Oh thank you Frizzie. We all love you very much up here in Forest Lake.

How nice! Thank you for that. You say you know both Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson. Is that true?

“Up until last year I was somewhat friends of Andy for about 6 months until I figured out what a loon she is. Dawn Nelson lives in my neighborhood. Andy is most definately a whack job who lives in her own world or right and wrongs. Dawn and her are extremely close friends. The fact the this stupid city voted her to the Human rights board is beyond comprehension.”

Can you tell me, is this the first time Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson has tried these shenanigans before? It’s interesting that they’d pick on Stev Stegner by using teenaged girls and photography and…

What’s the most interesting is that this is not the first time Andy has caused trouble. Over a year ago she and a few of her teenage friends (she is about 22 by the way) set a local business owner up for statutory rape charges. Can you imagine the grief this bitch caused? The police investigated this and cleared the guy — he was out of town when this supposedly happened — in Andy’s apartment none the less. That wasn’t good enough for her though. She went to his local church on 11th Avenue and spread rumors and they ex-communicated him. This was a gentleman who from my understanding has been a huge financial support for the church. Boy would I lvoe to know what she said. It’s strange that she is a Jew but she goes to this church—which is not Jewish.

I don’t understand, why would this church let her…

And to top this all off Andy is spreading rumors at that same church that the people who live across the street are going through bankuptcy, losing their house, he is a wife beater and an alcoholic. Not one word of this is true and they at one time considered her a friend as well. If this is how she treats friends I would love to see what they she treats her enemies. Dumb bitch will cross paths with the wrong person some day.

What a piece of work! Tell me if you would; in the original St Paul Pioneer Press story, there were a couple of teenaged girls involved trying to set up Stev Stegner. Since she’s only 22 as you say, I can assume that the two girls were not her children. Can you tell me…

What’s really sad is she currently has custody of a 5 year old boy that has ADHD and a bunch of other things wrong with him. I’m not sure of the details but supposedly his teenage father lost custody and she stepped in out of the gracoiusness of her own heart (bullshit) to take care of him. I think she uses him to shoplift at the local Target. If she gets caught — what the heck — blame it on this poor little dumb <kid>. Obviously they would not arrest a retard. Too bad I don’t know the social worker or I would make sure he gets put into a better environment. I only know his name is Ryan.

Getting back to the who “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” team. Can you tell me more about this letter they wrote to the Forest Lake Times?

The letter you are talking is a “call to action” for the neighborhood to protest the selling of the land to the Duffy Development group. Dawn and Andy have been very vocal, organizing fund raiser activities for the Forest Lake Community Association (FLCA) and Mayor Terry Smith was their best buddy. He is quite creepy anyways but I’m sure they are loyal puppies to him and felt that had him in their pockets.

Unbelievable! And you mentioned that you’ve talked with the newly elected mayor Mr. Stev Stegner?!

On a side note I talked to Stev Stegner today and told him what I knew about her and to let him know that anyone who knows her is most likely extremely pissed off. He is not sure that the Forest Lake Human Rights Commission will look into this now that Dawn Nelson has been elected to the board. I would hope that the state one will step in and get involved. I feel very bad for his family and the kids who are in school. Thank goodness for the reporter who was smart enough to figure out the scam and turn the article around on making Andy look like the dumbass she really is.

Wow. I would have to admit, this is almost the worst case of “Swiftboating” I’ve ever heard. I’m stunned that Dawn Nelson and the current Mayor Smith don’t distance themselves out of fear of being investigated by the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Aprehension, if not by the Minnesota Human Rights Commission. Thank you very much for your input. Is there anything else you’d like to say?

She is the master of lies. When we met she said she had her veternarian degree and worked at the Raptor Center but she was ALWAYS wheeling around town. Supposedly her mom is a district attorney and her dad some holocaust survivor that is FBI or CIA? Would that make him in his 80’s? Lies Lies Lies.

Thank you again Ms. XYZ. We can only hope that, Social Services, Human Rights Commission or even the Minnesota BCA will get involved and put a stop to these right-wing nutjobs. I appreciate your insight, please visit us more often and I sincerely hope you have a great Holiday Season and a very Happy New Year.

Thank you, Frizzie. We love you up here in Forest Lake!!

Frizzie WarningAnd, that concludes this edition of Fruit Fly News. Where we are constantly keeping you up to date with the most rediculous and pathetic people in the United States. I think it’s obvious by today’s selection; we’ve had our best show ever! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.