John Ensign’s Parents Turned his Mistress into a Whore?!

They’re all so filthy these days, I’m havin’ trouble keepin’ up! So, Ensign is having this affair, and his parents, out of fear of soiling the family name, starts paying her to fuck him?

Paul Coggins, Ensign’s attorney, said in a statement that the senator gave Doug Hampton, Cindy Hampton and their two children gifts worth $96,000 and that “each gift was limited to $12,000.”

“The payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts,” Coggins said.

Coggins said that after Ensign told his parents about his affair with Cindy Hampton — who was an then a campaign aide — the senator’s parents “decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of longtime family friends during a difficult time.

What “Difficult Time” would that be? She’s banging their son for money and that’s a “difficult time”?!

What am I missing here?  Wasn’t Senator John Ensign supposed to be way high-up the food-chain for that pseudo-gay Christian “Promise Keepers” group? And yet, this is his THIRD AFFAIR!

I don’t understand it!

Pray to Jesus – “Please make me faithful to my wife!”

Find a woman to bang.

Pray to Jesus again – “Please make me faithful to my wife!”

Find another woman to bang.

Pray to Jesus again – “Please make me faithful to my wife!”

Find another woman to bang.

Get Parents to fork over $100,000 to keep her shut up.

Pray to Jesus again – “Please keep her shut up!”

What’s the point of belonging to Promise Keepers if you have absolutely no intention of being faithful to your wife anyway?!

And what has to happen for that wife of his to simply kick his nasty tired diseases-infected dick out of their bedroom? His wife is carrying the cooters of half the wait-staff at Hooters!

He’s had three affairs that he’s admitted to the public. He hasn’t told us about banging the entire cheerleading sqauds for eight NFL teams! Are you kidding me?

vomitAnd his ‘Rents pay her off to shut her mouth and “go professional”.

These Republicans complain about GLBT families! And they’re fucking faster than the colony of rabbits in my backyard!

And it’s illegal for people like me to get married. They’ve got laws on the books like DOMA to make sure that doesn’t happen. But for Republicans with chronic zipper-malfunctions – well, that’s just quite all right!