Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians: Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Yup!  He does!

h/t The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and The Raw Story

Katherine Kersten’s “Republicanville”

Rita SkeeterA few years ago, Minneapolis Star-Tribune hired a “conservative” voice for the paper – what they ended up with was a dolt. Katherine Kersten’s writings are poorly researched, her facts are dubious at best and her conservative values forces her into the Land of Hypocrisies. I remember one of her earliest columns where she finger-wagged her critics that picking on her because of her religion was strictly off-base. Yet, since the Imams story broke last year, Kersten routinely ridicules and/or marginalizes the Muslim faith. If there’s an update on the lawsuit the Imams have filed, Kersten’s on top of it. Did I already complain about her lack of factual information? Oh good, I did.

Because today’s column is no different. In her piece: “PlentyBlack Garbage Fly of surprises in Ghost Town of political moderates“, she writes…an allegory(?) about moderate Republicans who are leaving Congress and it reminds her of a “ghost town”. It’s a really stupid column that’s factually flawed but packed with complaints about liberal blogs like DailyKos, liberal groups like Move-On and the DLC. She notes that Minnesota’s 3rd CD Jim Ramstad’s departure reminds her of a ghost town and finishes with this paragraph:

Today, there’s a regular stampede of moderates running for office. But they are more likely to wear a red Republican R brand than a blue D

Huh?! What does this have to do with a ghost town? And the facts are once again; completely wrong.

Deer FlyIncorrect Fact #1: There is a stampede going on — And the stamped is Republicans switching to become Democrats. Most recently in Texas, Represenative Kirk England of Grand Prairie announced his leaving the Republican Party and will caucus for Democrats from now on. England said with his middle finger in the air:

“After one session in the House, I found that the Republican leadership in Austin had no tolerance for the values and priorities of the folks I represent.

Note to Katherine Kersten: This is a quote from a Texan!

Last October, The Washington Post wrote a story that nine Republicans in Kansas have switched to the Democrat Party. In the piece entitled “Moderates in Kansas Decide They’re Not in GOP Anymore“, it noted that Mark Parkinson, the former Chair of the Kansas GOP has walked out of the party and ran for Lieutenant Governor with Kathleen Sebelius as a Democrat. And guess what – he won. The former GOP chairman of Kansas runs as a Democrat for Lt Governor and wins?!?!? He won?!?

We can’t even paint Kansas a deep-purple Red anymore…It’s Bluer than my Ben Franklin Purple-heart pin!!!

Last August 3, 2006, a rumor started that State Senatormosquito Nancy Riley of Oklahoma was trading her big red “R” brand for a shiny blue “D” brand because she was sick of the way the GOP had been treating her. By the end of the day, she switched and said this:

Riley says she was completely ignored by the Republican caucus during this year’s legislative session. She believes her treatment is because of her moderate views and because she’s a woman.

Note to Katherine Kersten:

Watch out Honey!! With the number of moderate Republicans stampeding to wear a big Blue “D” brand, you’re likely to get run over!!

Update #3: The term “RINO”, or “Republican In Name Only” shows up on ABC’s “Brothers and Sisters” program in Episode #25. The Walker family is heading to San Diego to reclaim a family-member and Kitty Walker (Republican-Calista Flockhart insists on tuning in the family car auto to a Konservative Radio Talk-Jock who makes animal noises when describing Ms. Walker’s fiance’. When asked about the noises, Kitty says; “It’s a rhinoceros” and her gay brother says: “I get it…RINO…”Republican In Name Only”.)

Updated #2: In Fairfax, VA, State Senator Jeannemarie Devolites Davis (R) is now running around calling herself a “RINO“: Republican In Name Only. In a district that’s regarded the most affluent in the state, Republicans watch it turning Blue and their state senator knows she can’t win on a Republican ticket.

Voters backed Democrats in the past two gubernatorial elections and went for U.S. Sen. Jim Webb last November.

JIm Hovland

Update #1: Ohhhhh…SNAP!! Big E from MnBlue just slapped me with a Comment. Apparently, Edina, MN mayor Jim Hovland is another “moderate Republican” who just might run for Ramstad’s Congressional seat… As a Democrat! How could I have missed that one?!?! I…Why I must have had a “Kersten-Sized brain-fart and forgot to do my research!”

Deer FlyIncorrect Fact #2: Kersten said:

Rep. Jim Ramstad of the Third Congressional District, who recently announced his retirement, is the latest to star in this tragic/heroic role.

Wrong. If Kersten bothered fact-checking herself, she would have discovered that the Star-Tribune reported Ramstad’s departure was on the 17th of September. One Friday Setember 21st, Jerry Weller (R-IL) of th 11th Congressional District announced he will not be seeking a re-election, making Congress Weller the latest star that is “stampeding” out of Congress. To make the fact even more painful, Weller’s stepping down is in a large part because of the amount of investigations and allegations against him.

mosquito…In fact: A watchdog group has declared Weller one of the most corrupt members of Congress, there’s a subpoena in a former colleague’s bribery trial and criticism from not revealing to Congress the extent of Nicaraguan land purchases.

Other Republicans “stampeding” out of Congress so far includes Conservative Republican John Warner of Virginia and Moderate Republican Chuck Hagel of Nebraska.

Now what about this allegory of a “Ghost Town” of moderate Republicans? What would Katherine Kersten’s thriving little “Republicanville” town look like?

houseflyRep. Ken Calvert (R-CA) ,Rep. John T. Doolittle (R-CA), Rep. Tom Feeney (R-FL), Rep. Doc Hastings (R-WA), Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-CA), Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA), Rep. Gary G. Miller (R-CA), Rep. Timothy F. Murphy (R-PA), Rep. Steve Pearce (R-NM), Rep. Rick Renzi (R-AZ), Rep Harold Rogers (R-KY), Rep Don Young (R-AK), Rep Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-CA), Rep Tom Delay (R-TX) and Rep. Heather A. Wilson (R-NM) would be headed to jail and/or under investigation by the local town sheriff. This includes both of Alaska’s Republican US Senators Ted Stevens and Lisa Murkowski, Pete Domenici (R-NM) and Kentucky’s Republican Senator Mitch McConnell.

Oklahoma Co Sheriff Republicanville would be jam-packed with Preachers who love the town whores. Preachers like Ted Haggard, Lonnie Latham and Coy Privette all enjoying adultery while finger-wagging the townsfolk all about the sins listed in the Bible. The only town’s preacher who isn’t sleeping with a prostitute is the town drunk who’s wearing a skirt and urinating against the local theater. And the sheriff arrested him once and the preacher offered fellatio on the sheriff and his deputy.

In fact, prostitution would seem to be the only industry inhousefly Kersten’s Republicanville that thrives!

Shoot! You can even get a discount from one of the Local Madam’s whores just by mentioning David Vitter’s (R-LA) name! In Republicanville, even the lone outhouse is haunted by State Represenative Bob Allen (R-FL) offering the men needing to use the toilet a shiny $20 gold-coin if they’ll give him the privilege to perform fellatio on them while Larry Craig (R-ID) is offering fellatio on the inside for free!

FoleyKersten’s perfect bustling town would have one radio station who’s only talk-show host is an over-weight drug addict who flies to tropical paradise islands where boy-prostitution is legal with an erectile dysfunction prescription filled out to somebody else. And while we’re talking about molesting little boys, let’s make sure we don’t forget Repupublicanville’s favored son Mark Foley (R-FL) who can molest your son faster than Kersten can write more bullshit in her next column.

Shucks Katherine, I completely forgot! Former United States Speaker of the House “Fat” Denny Hastert (R-IL) has decided to leave Congress faster than he could drum up an Exit Sign after deciding Mark Foley did no-wrong.

mosquitoBy the way: If your kid isn’t getting molested in Republicanville, he’s probably being raped in his sleep by the chair of the National Young Republicans Federation. If you have a daughter, she would be getting raped by the local National Young Republicans and then run around telling everybody that she deserved it.

Bush plays guitar

One time, the town had a flood that could have been easily prevented, but Republicanville’s Mayor ignored the town and decided instead hang on in a sing-along with a no-name musician named Mark Willis. When a bridge fell down in the town, 13 people died and Katherine Kersten’s “Republicanville” thought the mayor fingers crossedwould come through for them. He didn’t of course and he won’t! He has the diction of a third grader, but they’re still crossing their fingers he’s gonna come through on that bridge re-building thing!!

housefly

Katherine Kersten has no wiggle room in criticizing anybody for anything in relation to politics or religion. Kersten’s conservative Christian views are flawed and those who share in her conservative Christian views are morally, ethically, politically and spiritually bankrupt. Kersten throws her Star-Tribune weight around to belittle and demean anything outside of the scope of her narrow dime-sized world. She’ll criticize gays, Muslims, academia, Democrats – anything that isn’t holding a Bible and carrying a crucifix and wearing a big “red Republican R brand on their chest.”

In exchange, the backdrop to Kersten’s stage is covered in a vile filth unlikeFruitFly 6 anything in American history. And yet, she continues to draw a paycheck! The Star Tribune finds her “valuable”, and I have a sneaky suspicion they’re keep this very stupid columnist on the payroll because so many of us love to hate her.

Who’s the next GOP Homo to be Outed?

Congressman Patrick McHenry (R-NC) (Very gay!), Congressman David Dreier (R-CA) (everybody knows he’s gay already anyway), US Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) (everybody knows he’s gay too) and US Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) (Is he gay? ewww… Please say it isn’t so!!!!)

Pick a Homo

Congressman Patrick McHenry has dirty hands connected to a murder-suicide case involving a couple of gay men and a str8 guy. On a scale of 1 to 10, the case is a 9 on the “Ick-factor” for the cult-overtones. It’s pretty safe in betting McHenry’s a homosexual.

This is the new “gossip” in DC. The Washington Post has even noted that Mike Rogers, of BlogActive fame, is now the most feared person in Washington DC. Why is this gay man so scary? Because he’s keeping tabs on all of the Republican Closet-Cases on the Hill.

Condi RiceWho else is on the list of whispering lips? White House Chief of Staff Joshua Bolten who won’t even attend the gay weddings held at the White House with Condi Rice presides over! Rumors about Bolton using Bo Derek as a beard have been around since early 2000.

(Update: I forgot to mention Charlie Crist, R-Governor ofcharlie crist Florida. Mainstream media has protected Crist’s closeted homosexuality from the beginning. Admitedly, he was married, for seven months, and there’s that weird radio talk-show blunder. But that doesn’t keep the rumors from spreading. If you have the time, I encourage you to read a rather lengthy article about a 21-year old Republican aide named Jason Wetherington and his ties with both Charlie Crist and Mark Foley. You just know one day – Charlie Crist will fly out of that Closet with or without his life-partner Bruce Carlton Jordan.)

Republican ElephantSo if I had to guess out of all of these, I’m going to say it’ll be Patrick McHenry who will be “Outted” from the Closet next. I say that because there’s a crime scene that connects McHenry directly to the case. It won’t be long before evidence turns up and McHenry will get pried out of The Closet in a far more dramatic fashion than any drag queen could possibly imagine.

Me

Found In The Ditch

ditch trashMark Cherry has new plans for Desperate Housewives

Openly gay Mark Cherry, creator and producer of the wildly popular television show “Desperate Housewives” has a revolutionary new idea for his show: Add a desperate gay househusband!

Marc Cherry, (right with Teri Hatcher), creator of Desperate Housewivesmark cherry terry hatcher revealed during the ABC Press Tour that Wisteria Lane will become home to its first gay couple in season 4. “We’re going to have the first male desperate housewives,” said Cherry. “They will move into the old Applewhite house and one of the gay men will just have a fractious, hateful relationship with Teri Hatcher. We just started writing the episodes so I probably won’t start casting for another few weeks.”

Will the lucky gay couple have their Massachusetts wedding license framed on the wall as the practice of most legally wed Gay/Lez couples?

Will all of the heterosexual couples’ marriage fall apart as guaranteed by the religiously insane? Oh wait…that’s already happened in seasons 1, 2 and 3, long before the Queers showed up!

It should be a blast to see. I can only hope the gay couple will be protrayed as professional gay people. Because if one of them is a “female impersonator” so some dumb crap like that, I ain’t watching it.

Fred (Fredrick of Hollywood) Thompson’s numbers are extremely low

The Republican Party, extremely disappointed with their current gaggle of Presidential hopeful contenders, have secretly habored a personal hope in Fred Thompson. Thompson however, continues to ride the fence on whether he really wants to run for the Presidency or not. And he seems to have taken a beating with his money laundering raising.

The amount Thompson raised for his committeeSimpsons to “test the waters” of a presidential bid lags the original $5 million goal backers set for June, the first month in which he set out to raise money.

Thompson did, however, collect more than several other Republicans did in their initial fundraising months as prospective candidates. Still, Thompson’s take doesn’t even compare to the stunning $6.5 million haul that Mitt Romney collected on a single day in January as he was exploring a bid.

Let’s recall that Mitt Romney, the GOP’s Golden Boy, has funding problems of his own and has been keeping his campaign floating with his own money.

Thompson apparently doesn’t seem to have enough of his own cash to chip into his campaign otherwise none of us would be seeing these kinds of headlines. Therefore, it’s safe to assume that he wasn’t paid that much when he served as a lobbyist for an abortion rights group. Thompson’s candidacy presents other problems as well: When he announces, all of the Law and Order episodes will have to be pulled off the air, including all of those that are currently in syndication. This move also has an effect on all of those fellow cast members including camera crews, make-up artists, casting directors and walk-on actors who will loose royalties for the more recent episodes.

Minnesota GOP Fund Raising Woes

Dunce…And while we’re talking about the financial woes of the GOP, it seems local statewide GOP teams have their own financial problems.

On another note, [ed.] said he got a call from GOP fundraisers for the special election and he refused to give any money because he did not trust the financial stewardship of the state party. And also because the caller was an asshole, he said.

Minnesota’s GOP has problems internally anyway. Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (a.k.a. Bagdad Bachmann) has turned out to be even more bat-shit insane than the voters of MN Cong Dist 6 originally Bagdad Mall of Americarealized. Think Progress has a great piece on Congreswoman Bachman’s comparison to visiting Bagdad, Iraq to a trip to Mall of America in Minneapolis.

Eight-term Representative Mark Olson from Big Lake, MN has been dumped by the GOP Caucus after a jury cleared him of battery, but guilty for terrorizing his wife. While the trial was going on, it was revealed that this “GOP American Family Values” man would beat the shit out of his wife with a Holy Bible. In turn, she would defend herself by using her own HolyLesbian Patty Bible and beat him with it. Don’t believe me? Check out the audio of his confession…

The best part of this story is that Representative Mark Olson is extremely anti-gay marriage. You can check out a YouTube of him bitching in the Minnesota House yelling about his religious views about gays getting married.

Are you still interested in giving your money to these Minnesota GOP political-hacks?!?

US Senator Ted Stevens’ home raided: Underwear, lubes and Internets discovered

This needs no introduction because the story speaks for itselfAshamed Blog

The longest-serving Republican in U.S Senate history, who is known for delivering billions of federal dollars to his home state, Stevens in a statement said: “My attorneys were advised this morning that federal agents wished to search my home in Girdwood in connection with an ongoing investigation.

“I continue to believe this investigation should proceed to its conclusion without any appearance that I have attempted to influence the outcome,” it said.

Old FruitfliesHas anybody set up a webpage that keeps count of all of these GOP Senators and Congressman who’s lives are being invaded by FBI agents? Oh well – who cares about this one. Let him rot with the salmon spawn up river.

Have you heard about his son Ben Stevens? He’s an Alaskan state senator and he’s also under investigation for all kinds of mischief. It’s all of that “family values” that gets me warm and fuzzy on the inside, you know?!

Scary Mary (Poppins) re-cut trailerMe

Andrew Sullivan found the most horrifying film on the YouTube to date. It’s a remake of Mary Poppins, only four times the scare. I was so terrified, I was peeing in my trash lid full of rotten fruit and I screamed so hard, I scared the neighboring maggots back to pupa-stage.