Lesbian’s Father Running for President of the United States (His Dirty Little Secret)

Maya Marcel-KeyesMaya Keyes probably wouldn’t appreciate that title so much. After all, it was her father on Feb 4, 2005, who kicked her into the streets without any money and no place to live after she came out of the closet as a lesbian. Err…, I meant “liberal queer lesbian“. Two weeks later on Valentines Day, Maya Marcel-Keyes stood in front of GLBT citizens in Annapolis, MD at a “Equality Maryland” rally and said:

“Things just came to a head. Liberal queer plus conservative Republican just doesn’t mesh well,” she said. “That was making my life a little bit turbulent.”

Yes, the picture you’re looking at is Maya who was homeless and penniless only two weeks earlier.

Her father, a Republican (of course), wouldn’t have anything to do with her and said the day before earlier:

“My daughter is an adult, and she is responsible for her own actions. What she chooses to do has nothing to do with my work or political activities.”

In 2004, while on the campaign trail competing for a US Senate seat in Illinois, Alan Keys was interviewed on the radio where he greedily discussed his hatred for homosexuality. Of Mary Cheney, the Vice President’s daughter who is a lesbian, Keyes called her a “selfish hedonist”. He went on with:

Then, without having been asked anything about his own family, [Keyes] volunteered that “if my daughter were a lesbian, I’d look at her and say, ‘That is a relationship that is based on selfish hedonism.’ I would also tell my daughter that it’s a sin and she needs to pray to the Lord God to help her deal with that sin.”

Maya’s coming out shouldn’t have been a surprise to her parents Alan and Jocelyn. They’d found gay newspapers under her bed during her teen years and they berated her about homosexuality. Keyes’ conversation on the radio was all a lie. He already knew his daughter was a lesbian!

Her parents have known that Maya is a lesbian since they found a copy of the Washington Blade, the gay weekly, in her room and confronted her at the end of high school (she went to Oakcrest School for Girls, a Catholic school in McLean run by the church’s highly devout Opus Dei movement.) Ever since, Maya says, her parents have told her that her sexuality is wrong and sinful.

“As long as I was quiet about being gay or my politics, we got along,” she says. “Then I went to the Counterinaugural,” last month’s protests in Washington against President Bush. “My father didn’t like that.”

If you’re really interested in Alan Keyes’ hatred view towards homosexuality, you can explore his “logic” on “Why homosexual couples adopting a child leads towards incest” by watching this:

(It’s truly stunning to see Arrogance, Stupidity and Idiocy all combined inside a suit and tie wrapper.)

Alan Keyes, the stalwart of the Republican Party and the pride of conservative American family values, made an appearance at the GOP Debates in December 2007. Having a podium of his own, it left everybody curious as to why he was even up there! Was he running? Was he serious about running?

Homophobic AssholesThe GOP always has made room for Hatred! There’s no such thing as “too much homophobia”! Of course Alan Keyes is running for president, Silly! Only this time, he’ll have to do it without Maya’s help.

  • Take notice of the cartoon of Bride and Bride getting married on his “official website”.
  • Now take notice of the first bullet line on his website? It’s an attack on Mitt Romney’s alleged direct involvement with gay marriage in Massachusetts.
  • Now the first sentence in the piece quotes Keyes by saying:

“Mitt Romney is single-handedly responsible for instituting same-sex marriage in Massachusetts.”

Using the same logic, Keyes goes on to explain his own stupidity:

“Most people are unaware of the way Massachusetts came to adopt same-sex marriage,” the former Reagan administration diplomat said. “They think the state’s Supreme Judicial Court forced it to happen. That’s incorrect.”

Said Keyes, “The court merely issued an opinion stating that, in its view, the existing marriage law was unconstitutional because it failed to allow persons of the same sex to marry. The court then gave the legislature 180 days to ‘take such action as it may deem appropriate in light of this opinion’ — implicitly telling lawmakers to come up with a new marriage statute.”

Obviously Willard Romney didn’t do enough during that 180-day window of time to fully satisfy the Very Honorable and extraordinarily Pompous Alan Keyes. Keyes completes his stupidity with this comment:

“This action by Mitt Romney is among the most socially-damaging actions by a chief executive in our nation’s history. Because of its far-reaching implications for the future of the traditional family, it threatens to destroy our entire moral and cultural fabric more than any other executive action I can think of.”

And here all these years, I thought it was bad grammar to end a sentence with a preposition.

That Gay Marriage in Massachusetts thing happened in May of 2004. And ya know… I don’t really see it destroying our entire moral and cultural fabric!!! What moral and cultural fabric has been destroyed after four and a half years’ time? If anybody can leave a comment with some ideas on what moral fabric has been destroyed as a direct result of gay marriage, I would certainly appreciate the heads up on that!!!

What do I admire the most about Alan Keyes? It’s the fact that on his MySpace account, he lists himself as a “Proud Parent” in the bio-section. You just can’t get hypocrisy any better than that.

FruitFlyI’m blaming Mark Karlin, Editor and Publisher of BuzzFlash.com for this story. It was his fault that I had to do all this work to write this story. Meanwhile, click on my picture for a cool little campaign song for Alan Keyes and his bid for President of the United States.

Fruit Fly News: Who is Joey Oglesby?

Laura Bush SmokesHello, and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizze McBee.

Today, President Bush has increased troop levels in Iraq to an additional 3 million Americans. Calling it a “surge”, the President has stated; “Defeat is not an option, ‘cut and run’ is also not an option, and since nobody else has come up with a better option; it’s obvious that my ‘surge’ is the only viable option.”

Monkey SurgeDavid Gregory, from a less informative news channel called NBC, corrected the President’s suggestion that nobody else has come up with “a Plan” for Iraq. Mr. Gregory said;

“Mr. President, that’s patently untrue! The Democrats have produced a plan. In fact, Senators Joe Biden and Jack Reed have produced a plan as well as Congressman Jack Murtha! Senator Biden, as a matter of fact, has written extensively on the subject. Have you even looked at their plans?

President Bush cut him off and whined; “But I’m the Decisioner! And if I say there ain’t another plan out there: Then there truly is no other plan.

Joe BooshMr. Gregory, attempting to sound like a professional journalist was about to counter the President’s interruption when Senator Joe Lieberman suddenly appeared from behind President Bush looking disheveled and seemed to try and help the President pull his trousers back up. Senator Leibermann then turned to Mr. Gregory and said;

The other alternatives–the main alternative that the opponents of what the President has done are offering is to simply begin to withdraw. And the theory there is that somehow if you with– I mean some people want to withdraw because they just want to get out. They think the thing–They want to give up. They think the thing is not winnable. I’m afraid they don’t agree with me that the consequences of pulling out would be a disaster for everybody, including most important, us. But some say if you begin to withdraw, then Maliki and the other Iraqis will say ‘Oh, my God, they’re leaving. We got to get our act together. I don’t think so. I think what is more likely is that the Iraqi politicians will begin to hedge their bets, and the militias and the Al Qaeda terrorists will just hold back until the day we’re gone, and then chaos will break out, and unfortunately as McCain says, we’ll probably be back there in a larger war, you know, two, three, four, five years from now. I think this is our chance, so I’d guess I’d say to you in war–There’s a famous old saying that war is a series of catastrophes that ends up in victory for one side, and right now I’d say this plan is the best next step we’ve got. Let’s hope it works, pray it works, and if it doesn’t, then we’ll figure out what we’re gonna do then.

The Senator then dipped behind the President again, this time amid a flurry of kissing sounds.

In other news, the term “faggot” has become a media favorite for conservatives. With origins going back to the time of the witchcraft trials in the early 1200’s in Europe, usage of the derogatory term to reference gay and lesbians has become again for conservative pundits like Glenn Beck on CNN Headline News. In an odd turn of hypocracy, CNN allowed the usage of the derogatory name without hesitation, and yet – when Bill Mahr mentions that Ken Mehlman on Larry King Live, former chairman of the Republican National Convention might be gayCNN edited the transcript, the video which re-aired later in the week, removed the video from YouTube and sent out legal briefs to anybody who carried the uncensored version on their websites.

The word has become popular with “Jesus People” as well! Donnie Davies, a self-described “former homosexual” and “minister”, recently came out with a lively little tune about how much God’s love is regulated only to those who aren’t “a faggot”. According to Davies’ song, God hates faggots, and let’s face it: “It’s only a choice anyway”. Davies recorded the song made a video to go along with the song, and then uploaded it to YouTube, MySpace and Google Video. All three removed the video immediately, while YouTube has many spoofs of the original now posted in its place. Current TV, who’s parent corporation is Google, has run a pod-cast of their take on Donnie Davies, including information that you might not even know!

SimpsonsIn a historic moment heard around the world, Jesus Christ appeared in front of Donnie Davies and kicked his ass. Violence has broke out all over the world as a result, with people buying “What Would Jesus Do” bracelets and then beating up the clerk who rang up the purchase.

Last Saturday (Jan 27, 2007), Goddess-extrodinaire Pam of Pams House Blend discovered that Donnie Davies is not only a homophobe and an idiot, but he’s also an actor from the Dallas/Ft Worth metropolitan area. JoeyJoel Oglesby Oglesby has appeard on stage in shows like “Debbie Does Dallas, the Musical” and a comedy sketch troupe called “Chicken & Pickles Guys”. Obviously, these are shows that promote heterosexual lifestyles as “wonderful” if not a bit “fabulous”. *

On Friday (Jan 26th) the actor Joey Oglesby playing the part of Donnie Davies appeared again on YouTube to point out the pain he’s endured because people have laughed at him for being overweight. The short video opens with him talking excitedly about all of the attention his “God Hates a Fag” video has gotten and complains bitterly that it’s been removed from all of the popular video-websites. He then gets seriously upset because people have made fun of his weight. He finishes with jubilation on the love of Jesus Christ and says; “…But God hates you”.

No word yet whether Jesus Christ has re-appeared to kick his ass all over again.

Since the days of then House Majority Leader Dick Army called Congressman Barney Frank, “Barney Fag” on a radio show in 1995, conservatives have picked up on the word as media-magnet to attract attention to themselves. CNN isn’t alone in the debacle either. MSNBC enjoys the word so much, Chris Matthews pumped-up his penil implant when Ann Coulter said on his show that Al Gore was “a total fag” in July 06. Matthews, with his three inch puptent showing, excitedly promised his viewers to have her on the show again.

Bush and DickExpecting a word of caution to come from “Dr” Laura Schlessinger to point out what happened when she called gays and lesbians a “biological error”, nothing has been heard from her or her Rabbi.

That’s all there is for Fruit Fly News. We thank you for tuning in! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night!

* Fruit Fly News network has tried to contact Pam at Pams House Blend to get her the unedited and uncensored version of the video that hasn’t been ripped down. However, her system requires that we “open an account” to even speak on her blog. Since there are so many accounts created already, one would simply give up and let her find it on her own.