MRE: MICHELE BACHMAN DESTROYS THE GOP!!!

Poor Michele… She just can’t feel Jesus’ love inside the GOP anymore. After running her mouth off on Hardball with Chris Matthews saying she thought Obama had “anti-American sentiments” and then called for the liberal media to investigate members of Congress for suspicions of “anti-American sentiments”, she’s seemed to have discovered “anti-Bachmann sentiments” coming out of the leadership of her own Republican Party.

First up: the NRCC. Headed by Tom Cole (R-OK CD#4). The National Republican Congressional Committee has apparently decided that Michele Bachmann has become such a liability that they’ve cut off all advertising funds for her campaign.

Ouch! It’s pretty well decided: Michele Bachmann’s hate-mongering mouth is not a course of action that the GOP Leadership wants to invest into…

Compare and Contrast: Fox News dumps Michelle Malkin for being a crazy hate-monger – the NRCC dumps Michele Bachmann for being the exact.same.thing.

From Politico:

The NRCC had reserved time on behalf of Bachmann in early October, but the money had yet to flow to her district. She was not among the beneficiaries of a rush of new independent expenditures the committee made in the past two days.

Pitchforks and the Torches have gathered in downtown Republicanville and they are none too pleased. In a more accurate word-choice: “They’re mad as Hell and they’re not going to take it anymore!!

Conservative Republican (The Pitchfork Family) Amanda Carpenter over at Townhall whined about the situation. Ms. Carpenter wrote with her Crying Towel nearby:

So what does the NRCC do when the going gets tough for Bachmann? They get going. Far, far away from her.

Apparently, since the NRCC didn’t run up and give bat-shit-crazy Michele Bachmann a giant squeezy-hug and then shove a giant sunflower into her machine-gun mouth… Ms Carpenter feels “left out”. Somebody must have decided that losing General Colin Powell to the Democrats was a bigger loss than losing Michele “I Love GWB” Bachmann and finally… Dumped her!

Editor-in-Chief Erik Erikson, a proud member of the Torch Family, whipped out the big stick from out of his ass and called Tom Cole (R-OK) a douchebag!

Let’s just call Tom Cole (R-OK), the head of the NRCC, what he is: a douchebag.

Erickson seems to be a wee upset, but manages to continue..:

Now, in the height of all douchebaggery, he has pulled all funding from Michelle Bachmann’s very winnable race in Minnesota, in which she is presently leading, though not by a great deal.

Why? Because Bachmann had the nerve to point out Obama pals around with anti-American domestic terrorists and other unsavory characters, i.e. she’s echoed Sarah Palin.

…Just a wee-bit pissed off? Earth To Erickson! Michele Bachmann spells her name with only one “L”…Not Two!! Earth to Erickson… Hello?!? Hello?!?!? Oh crap… Houston1 We’ve lost contact with Erickk Erickkson!!

And then… Erickson whips out his own Crying Towel:

But that’s okay. Apparently we have Republicans to spare.

Sarcasm! I like it!! Pouting?! Hrmm… Not so much.

The folks at Redstate run back to Update the original by clarifying to their guppy-headed faithful on why they’re so upset: They’re mad at Tom Cole for pulling the Bachmann support-ads!!

For perspective, Tom Cole has been sending money to Don Young in Alaska. So attacking the Democrats is unacceptable to Tom Cole, but taint and corruption is perfectly fine.

You still upset I called him a douchebag?

For those who are unaware of what he’s blabbering about, I’ll try to explain…

Alaskan Congresscreature Don Young is under investigation for earmarking $10million dollars to Florida to build/improve a road for one of his major campaign contributers. It’s a nasty story…read it here, here, and here.

Placed into context: (Republican) Redstate Editor-in-Chief, Erik Erickson is complaining that Tom Cole (R-OK), Chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee, will support (Heterosexual) Alaskan Congresscreature Don Young…but he won’t support Minnesota Congresscreature Michele Bachmann because she’s crazier than cow-snot on a barbed-wire fence. And, since watch-dog group CREW (Citizens for Responsibility for Ethics in Washington) has declared Don Young their MOST CORRUPT member in Washington, then it’s obvious — Tom Cole (R-OK) is a douchebag.

Get it?! The Pitchforks and the Torches within Republicanville are demanding the heads of their own Mayors, Dukes and Grand Wizards for doing what they should have done two years ago: They DUMPED BACHMANN!

Ugh!! In the immortal words of the Wicked Witch of the West as she melted away…What a world…what a world….

Minnesota local-yokel Republican, Andy Aplikowski (another Pitchfork) has his Crying Towel front-and-center.

Andy weeps:

I am just absolutely amazed at how far NBC is willing to go to cover up for their hack journalists like Chris Matthews.

Like Joe the Plumber, now Michele Bachmann has been more vetted by the mainstream media than Barrack Obama.

And seriously, they dug up Nick Coleman for this one?
I certainly hope the Republican Party of Minnesota is going to get involved now. Pawlenty threw Bachmann under the bus yesterday and I haven’t heard a single peep from Ron Carey. Let’s not forget that Carey is a constituent of Bachmann’s.

The full scale media attack to destroy Bachmann and twist her words is unreprehensible.

Awww… tsk tsk tsk… Poor Andy… He’s got an Idiot in Congressional Representation, and now that the National Republican Congressional Campaign has dumped her, he’s just going full-tilt with a wide-range on allegations:

  • Chris Mattews is an “NBC Hack”?!
  • NBC is “covering-up” for Matthews?!

Excuse me?!

Dear Andy Apilowski:

Chris Matthews is a “hack”?!

Are you serious?! …Or are you really that “new”?!

Seriously. I recall Chris Matthews booty-smooches GOP Crooks like Tom Delay (R-TX Jail Time) while yucking it up while off the air!!

Are you really that New?!?! Matthews is a “hack” because your Bachmann is that stupid and the GOP is now finding that out?!?”

Mr. Apilowski — Chris Matthews has been your best friend in Media – perhaps you’re the Hack-Job here and Michele Bachmann is the Wack-Job over there in DC!

Sincerely,

Fruit F. Fly

Why can’t these Republicans taken responsibility for themselves?! It’s unbelievable!!

Okay all you cry-babies out there… Let’s let the “Mighty Fruit Fly” resolve the dispute for you. Let’s run over to the original transcript and read verbatim what Congresscreature Michele Bachmann said…Exactly

Transcript from the Federal News Service

MATTHEWS: So this is a character issue. You believe that Barack Obama may — you’re suspicious because of this relationship — may have anti-American views. Otherwise it’s probably irrelevant to this discussion.

REP. BACHMANN: Absolutely.

MR. MATTHEWS: So you believe it brings into —

REP. BACHMANN: I absolutely —

MR. MATTHEWS: So you believe that Barack Obama may have anti- American views.

REP. BACHMANN: Absolutely. I’m very concerned that he may have anti-American views. That’s what the American people are concerned about. That’s why they want to know what his answers are. That’s why Joe the plumber has figured so highly in the last few days —

Anything in there that appears like it was as cover-up?! Mr. Apilowski!?! Are you paying attention?!? Did your crazy Congresscreature say those words or did she not?!?!

And about the leaders in Congress? Bachmann says:

MR. MATTHEWS: What about people like Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, the liberals you were mentioning a moment ago? Where would you put them? Would you consider them anti-American as well?

REP. BACHMANN: I would consider them to have —

MR. MATTHEWS: Are they anti-American?

REP. BACHMANN: — far leftist views. I’m not going to say that they’re anti-American or pro-American.

MR. MATTHEWS: The speaker of the House is —

REP. BACHMANN: I will say the speaker —

So – Nancy Pilosi! Bachmann’s apparently not too sure about Senate Majority Leader Harry Ried… But Speaker of the House, Nancy Pilosi – she’s definitely got some of that “anti-American sentiments” in her. (I’m guessing it’s because Nancy PIlosi’s district is in that “Gay Area” known as San Francisco?!)

And what about the rest of the members of Congress?!

MR. MATTHEWS: Well, he’s a United States senator from Illinois. He’s one of the people you suspect as being anti-American. How many people in the Congress of the United States do you think are anti- American? You’ve already suspected Barack Obama. Is he alone, or are there others? How many do you suspect of your colleagues as being anti-American?

REP. BACHMANN: What I would say — what I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that.

She’s a crazy person, you Goofs!!!

Michele Bachmann is nuttier than standing on Cashew Corner in Walnut Grove chewin’ on a Salted Nut Roll!

She’s the Acorn…with extra corn!!

Sheeshe!!

I have a question:

Why does Alaska’s governor, Sarah Palin’s husband Todd Palin get a free-pass on this subject of “Anti-American Sentiments”?!

Alaska’s First Dude belonged to a secessionist movement up there in Wasilla called the “Alaska Independence Party”. Todd Palin would be thrilled to personally rip a star off the American flag at any opportunity by declaring Alaska separate from the United States. And yet; It’s the liberals in congress who are publicly accused on MSNBC with (Pitchfork) Chris Matthews by Minnesota’s Congresscreature Michele Bachmann, but Secessionists who hate America are ignored without regard

The Republican Vice Presidential Candidate applauds those who’ll happily denounce their citizenry of the United States – And that’s ignored. But, being a liberal from San Francisco will get you accused publicly on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews.

Stay tuned for more on this horrifying story!!! Coming up soon: MIchele Bachmann hate’s Jesus and His Children by supporting Anti-Christian Petters’ fund-raiser Frank Vennes!!!

Crap nobody else is talking about…

Typically, the summer heat leaves folks with an easier schedule. An easier schedule leaves more time to blog. The opposite has been true for me. I’m swamped! Broke and swamped. I’m so broke these days, I can’t even afford to pay attention anymore.

Meanwhile, there have been a bazillion things I wanted to note that has happened in recent weeks. Cherry-picking information from here and there rounds up some interesting things once the pieces were laid out in front of me. I have about two hours before I’m off and running again…Got an outdoor grilling for roasted corn on the cob, burgers on the grill and bowl full of laughs.

The Tennessee Shooting

Just a few weeks ago, there was a shooting in Knoxville, Tennessee inside a church. While services were going on, a stranger barged on in and killed a few parishioners, yelling about how much he hates (political) liberals. Few bothered to note the horrible scene, except a few liberal bloggers and a fifteen-second mention on national news. (NBC mentioned the story, but if I recall – they failed to mention the shooters hatred for liberal people. CBS and ABC, that I’m aware, didn’t bother mentioning it at all.)

Pieces I found interesting, came from:

Joe.My.God

Joe, one of my favorite bloggers, noted that

The man who ministers to East Tennessee’s largest gay and lesbian congregation says his church won’t rest easy until members know what Jim David Adkisson wrote. “The more clarity, the better,” said the Rev. Bob Galloway, pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church in West Knoxville. “We need to know what we’re dealing with. Is it just liberals he was targeting? Is it just gays? Was it all these things mixed together? We need to know.” Galloway said his church serves about 180 people from around East Tennessee, about 85 percent of them gay or lesbian. Some of his parishioners turned around on the way to church and went home Sunday morning when they heard a man had shot up a liberal, gay-friendly church on the west side of town. “They thought it was us,” Galloway said.

The temptation here is to write fictional a piece and inverting everything as it relates to the players in the story. Think about it…

A gay man, waring a pair of bubble-gum pink patten-leather boots with a four inch spiked heel, walks into an ultra-conservative church with a 12-gauge shotgun and screaming like a nellie-queen, blowing away everybody in the sanctuary.

Do you think that story would be really big news? Do you think CBS and ABC would spend more than thirty minutes talking about it? Do you think Fox News would spend three weeks worth of “Special Reports” on the horrors of “the gay lifestyle” while James Dobson would be screaming on his Focus on the Family show why “the gays” are a menace to society?! It’s the patent hypocrisy from the media that seems to piss me off the most. It’s laughable to hear people like Rush Limbaugh and [insert your GOP family members’ names here] go on month-long gripes about a “Liberal Media”. The part that’s the most laughable – Rush Limbaugh is the media!

Knoxville News

Somewhere else, I spotted someone complaining about the contents within Adkisson’s home. Rather than spending a half-hour finding it, I’d rather cut-to-the-chase and go right to the source. Remember, I have burgers and roasted corn in a few minutes.

Inside the house, officers found “Liberalism is a Mental Health Disorder” by radio talk show host Michael Savage, “Let Freedom Ring” by talk show host Sean Hannity, and “The O’Reilly Factor,” by television talk show host Bill O’Reilly.

The shotgun-wielding suspect in Sunday’s mass shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church was motivated by a hatred of “the liberal movement,” and he planned to shoot until police shot him, Knoxville Police Chief Sterling P. Owen IV said this morning.

Adkisson, 58, of Powell wrote a four-page letter in which he stated his “hatred of the liberal movement,” Owen said. “Liberals in general, as well as gays.”

For some reason, all of this pushing for “Hate Crimes” to be put in the books, seems to be a waste of time. We don’t need Hate Crimes legislation, we need to include Hannity, O’Reilly and Michael Saveage to stand trial for coercion.

A brilliant piece on the story was written and posted on CommonDreams.org – I highly recommend it.

Ferragamos

Do you remember the “Bill Clinton haircut” story from back in 1993? The story was absolutely false, and started from the Right Wing Propaganda machine, and hailed by the conservative pundits until people ended up believing the story as true.

Now do you remember “The John Edwards $400 haircut” story? Technically, that story was also not true – it was two haircuts totaling over $400 for both. But, that’s splitting hairs. The point being that the Right Wing Propaganda machine loves to show how vain and arrogant Liberal and Progressive politicians appear in the public sector.

Absolutely no attention is spent on the reason Edwards had his hair cut for $225 in some town in Iowa.

So let’s talk about the Ferragamos. Another piece from Joe.My.God was spotted one John McCain. It’s all about the shoes, Baby – It’s all about the shoes.

Did you hear anything in the news about John McCain wearing a $520 pair of loafers while on a golf outing?!

Christopher Hayes of The Nation says it beautifully:

If I were a right-wing blogger, and I found out that Barack Obama was wearing Ferragamo loafers that cost $520, I would spend about 50% of my waking hours making sure everyone knew this. I would mock him for being an out-of-touch elitist and make jokes like, “If you think that’s a lot, you should see how much his purse costs ” I would send the link to Drudge and wait for Instapundit to pick it up, and then watch gleefully as Fox News ran segments about how Barack Obama’s $500 loafers vitiate his entire economic platform. But of course, I’m not a right-wing blogger. And the $520 shoes belong to John McCain. And frankly, I don’t think how much his shoes cost matters one whit for how he’d govern the country.

Makes ya kind of smirk when you think about the Right Wing Propaganda machine when they were crawling all over Nancy Pelosi for wanting a bigger airplane! Yeah – that story was debunked, too.

Women Hating

Yesterday, the House of Representatives passed the Paycheck Fairness Act. This bill was to force employers to shore up the discrimination of pay for women to equal that of their male colleagues. Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi wrote in her blog The Gavel:

The House has just passed the Paycheck Fairness Act, H.R. 1338, by a vote of 247-178. Although the wage gap between men and women has narrowed since the passage of the landmark Equal Pay Act in 1963, gender-based wage discrimination remains a problem for women in the U.S. workforce. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, women only make 77 cents for every dollar earned by a man. The Institute of Women’s Policy Research found that this wage disparity will cost women anywhere from $400,000 to $2 million over a lifetime in lost wages. Furthermore, loopholes created by courts and weak sanctions in the law have allowed many employers to avoid liability for engaging in gender-based pay discrimination. The Paycheck Fairness Act, introduced by U.S. Rep. Rosa DeLauro (D-CT), will strengthen the Equal Pay Act and close the loopholes that have allowed employers to avoid responsibility for discriminatory pay.

Nice job, don’t you think?! Congratulations go to Congresswoman DeLauro!

Senator John McCain skipped the Ledbetter Fair Pay act last year which reinforced the issue. McCain, typical for a male chauvinist pig, stated that the act wasn’t necessary. He said that the disparity in pay was the woman’s fault, not the fault of the employer.

They need the education and training, particularly since more and more women are heads of their households, as much or more than anybody else,” McCain said. “And it’s hard for them to leave their families when they don’t have somebody to take care of them.

“It’s a vicious cycle that’s affecting women, particularly in a part of the country like this, where mining is the mainstay; traditionally, women have not gone into that line of work, to say the least,” he said.

He’s right you know… Employers shouldn’t be expected to pay “stupid chicks” the same he would pay for his buddies…

But that isn’t necessarily the interesting piece about this story. The interesting piece is to look at who voted AGAINST this bill!

Here in Minnesota: Michele Bachmann (R-6th CD)

I don’t understand why any woman would vote her politics over her sex. But when I consider Michele Bachmann and her Loony Tune antics while she’s been in the House… Well, maybe that’s not so hard to understand after all.

Other self-loathing women who voted against this bill?

  • Marilyn Musgrave (CO-4th CD)
  • Judy Biggert (IL-13th CD)
  • Candice Miller (MI-10th CD)
  • JoAnn Emerson (MO-8th CD)
  • Heather Wilson (NM R-1st CD)
  • Sue Myrick (NC-9th CD)
  • Virginia Fox (NC-5th CD)
  • (Mean) Jean Schmidt (OH-2nd CD)
  • Roberta Latta (OH-5th CD)
  • Deborah Pryce (OH-15th CD)
  • Mary Fallin (OK-5th)
  • Marsha Blackburn (TN-7th CD)
  • Thema Drake (VA 2nd CD)
  • Cathy Rogers McMorris (WA-5th CD)
  • Barbara Cubin (WY-0 CD)

I have a suggestion for Speaker Pelosi: Hold another vote to cute these women’s paychecks to reflect the discrimination as appropriate. Fascinating that these are women who’ll choose their political affiliations over their sex and the women of their district. Rather than doing the right thing, they’ll decide to vote whatever the GOP tells them to do.

I say; “Cut their pay as Congress-critters and tell them that as their employer, Speaker Pelosi doesn’t feel they’re neither educated , nor trained well enough to receive the same pay as their Congressional counterparts.” That’ll learn them!

Now if you would excuse me, I have a picnic to attend…

Found under the Christmas tree

Stop Big Media

newspaper presents

Crooks and Liars has a really cool video about the FCC’s attempt to “Super Size” media. It’s well worth the look-see. It’s a product out of stopbigmedia.com.

It’s an extremely important issue that media isn’t discussing at all.

Good Search

There’s a cool new way to surf the ‘Net, especially if you’re an animal lover. GoodSearch is a non-profit using Yahoo as its search-engine. Every time you use it, $.10 goes to charity. It’s quick and complete and customizable for your Internet Explorer or your Firefox. Macintosh geeks aren’t left out either! Use it and make your own charitable donations.

Cindy Sheehan has re-appearedhousefly

In Minnesota there’s a saying: “Little flakes, big snow.” Welcome to “little flakes“:

Washington Post reported last week that in September 2002, four members of Congress met in secret for a first look at a unique CIA program designed to wring vital information from reticent terrorism suspects in U.S. custody. For more than an hour, the bipartisan group, which included current House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Democrat Rep. Jane Harman…

really hates santaWell, Sheehan’s not happy about it and she’s now calling for impeaching Nancy Pilosi:

“Even before becoming Speaker of the House of Representative, she said that impeachment of Bush is out of question. She should be impeached for knowing about torture which dehumanize us all.”

Black Garbage FlyHuckabee look familiar to you?

Here at Fruit Fly Central, we had to take a second look and Huckabee could weirdly look like an fraternal twin of another very famous Republican crook.

Redstate geeks running around, stupidly paranoid

I’m going to cut-n-paste the first few sentences… You’ll see craigxmaswhat I mean – Oh.. just read:

Prof. Douglas Kmiec suggests that Hillary Clinton, if elected, could have her husband follow the footsteps of former President Taft by appointing him to the Supreme Court.

Please guys, take a deep breath. You right-wingers are weirdly über-obsessed with Hillary Clinton as a president. Speculating that she’d just throw Bill in as her first pick for US Supreme Court Justice makes you all seem petty and a wee bit stupid. Just a tiny wee.

They continue on:

Taft was, in fact, a very good Chief Justice after being a failure as President, a job for which he never had the talent or desire.

Prof. Kmiec gets right some of the obvious problems with this parallel: Clinton, unlike Taft, has no prior judicial experience and loves politics much more than the law; Clinton, unlike Taft, would presumably not be taking the Chief Justice job; and Taft, unlike Clinton, never had his law license suspended for perjury in a judicial proceeding.Deer Fly

Now; I’m not an English professor: here; but, I think; that last paragraph, might be the longest: run-on sentence I’ve read in decades; let alone, not making any sense: whatsoever.

Colorado kicks out E-Voting Machines

And it’s a Republican who’s deciding:

Colorado’s Republican Secretary of State, Mike Coffman, has announced that a number of Colorado’s e-voting machines have failed state certification testings, and will not be allowed for use in the 2008 election cycle. The announcements came at a news conference in Denver which completely just minutes ago.

Does anybody remember when Walden O’Dell, CEO of Diebold, told a bunch of Republicans in 2003 that he was: “committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year (with is own electronic voting machines)”? Quite a lot of wasted time and money spent, ya think?

BradBlog notes: All Voting Systems by ES&S CompletelyFruitFly Decertified; DRE Touch-Screens from Sequoia Banned; Optical-Scan Paper Systems by Hart InterCivic Banned; All Systems by Diebold/Premier Conditionally ALLOWED for Use!

Oops. Nevermind!

Good Riddance

Denny Hasterts Resignation LetterIt goes into effect 10:59PM CST Tonight. We won’t miss him.

Illinois’ biggest embarrassment took the Speaker of the House position in Januay 1999, he’s made a mockery of it and the rest of the U.S.

“Fat” Denny’s credit goes towards in “international foreign policy”. Four months after his ascension as Speaker of the House, Hastert said:

At the same time Congress was attaching human rights conditions to U.S. security assistance programs and negotiating a formal end-use monitoring agreement with the Colombian defense ministry, other lawmakers were secretly assuring Colombian officials that they felt such restrictions were unwarranted, and would work to either remove the conditions or limit their effectiveness.

One example of this was a congressional delegation led by Rep. Dennis Hastert (R-IL) which met with Colombian military officials, promising to “remove conditions on assistance” and complaining about “leftist-dominated” U.S. congresses of years past that “used human rights as an excuse to aid the left in other countries.” Hastert said he would to correct this situation and expedite aid to countries allied in the war on drugs and also encouraged Colombian military officials to “bypass the U.S. executive branch and communicate directly with Congress.

Ah yes. Speaker of the House Denny Hastert is telling Columbia and everybody else: “You all ignore the President of the United States from now on. You have a problem – you come directly to me.” Does this sound like a Republican coup d’état to you? One has to wonder: If Nancy Pilosi would have said anything remotely like this to say…”Iraq” – do you think the Republicans in this country would simply shrug it off, ignore it and move on along?

After Hurrican Katrina wiped out New Orleans, Denny Hastert decided that it didn’t make any sense to rebuild the city (after all, it was King George who kept the money allocated to replace and repair New Orleans’ levee and spent it on his Iraqi (Oil) War in spite of the many warnings of that disaster). Hastert said:

“It looks like a lot of that place could be bulldozed,” the Illinois Republican said in an interview Wednesday with the Daily Herald of Arlington Heights, Ill.

That’s Fat Denny’s “Domestic Agenda”!Fat Denny

Hastert was told one year prior to the Mark Foley page scandal, and yet he told nobody on the left of the Congressional aisle. Mark Foley (R-FL) was allowed his sexual predatory behavior towards minors in the page program and Hastert did nothing about it. One former aid, Kirk Fordham said in an interview that he notified Hastert’s office three years prior to the scandal breaking out! The ethics panel investigated the case, (having no power over Foley because he bailed out of Congress) resulted in saying:

The committee found that there was “a disconcerting unwillingness to take responsibility for resolving issues regarding Representative Foley’s conduct.” Those in the chain of command, the report said, “did far too little, while attempting to pass the responsibility for acting to others.”

But never fear, the panel said that Denny Hastert may have been negligent, but:

But the panel also concluded that neither Mr. Hastert nor other officers of the House had violated any House rules, and recommended no sanctions for their failure to stop Mr. Foley’s conduct.

It’s been people like Denny Hastert and the Republican leadership in both the WhiteFruitFly House and Congress that explains why they lost Congress to the Democrats in 2006. Did I tell you that Denny Hastert also took $100,000 in donations from Jack Abramoff and his lobbying firm? I didn’t? Sorry.

Good bye Denny Hastert! Return to the sewer from wherever you came!! You were an embarrassment to your state and to the United States!! We won’t miss you!! We promise!

 

“I” is for “Impeachment”

Okay, I think I’ve figured out what happened.

KucinichCongressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH 10th) Presidential hopeful and Druidic High Priest, entered HR Bill 333 back in April 2007. Everybody snickered and giggle behind his back because as you already know, Kucinich smokes marijuana and gets his Tarot read by famous Hollywood moonbats like Shirley MacLain. Only problem is that High Priestess Nancy Pilosi already told everybody that Impeaching any of the Bush Cartel was off the table. (Pilosi is far too liberal and way too interested in working on the super-secret “Gay Agenda” to be dealing on an Impeachment case.)

Yesterday comes around and Nancy’s sex-slave Steny Hoyer (D-MD 5th) holds the floor and up comes HR Bill 333. Hoyer doesn’t want to deal with this bill and so he puts out the vote to “table it”. In other words: “Let’s ignore this bill like we did in New Orleans.” Now before he can call for a vote to “table”Hippie Chick the bill, it has to be read to the full House or Representatives. Out comes a House clerk who’s name was Willow or something and she reads the Articles of Impeachment for Dick “Darth Vader” Cheney.

Now, the dope-smoker ‘s articles of Impeachment are official in the Congressional records. Steny Hoyer thanked Willow and then told the full House that his “Safe Word” was “butt pimple”. He said that it was important that before any sexual activity began during the vote, that everybody knew what everybody else’s “safe word” was. He then repeated his own: “butt pimple”.

The Dems aren’t really interested in the bill; it reaks of mugwort and deep-fried eye-of-newt. Besides, someone had written the bill on hemp paper. The only ones that are interested in the bill are Dems that have their own Druid high priestesses and Dark Arts professors.

The Republicans are definitely not interested in Impeaching their beloved Darth Vader; so being protected on all sides by The Empires’ Storm Troopers, they immediately began voting “Hell YEAH-Let’s Table It”.

viagraHouse Minority leader John Boehner (R-OH 8th) took some erectile dysfunction tablets made by Pfizer, Inc. and all of a sudden, he had an epiphany: Here was a golden opportunity embarrass High Priestess Pilosi! If they voted against tabling it and let the bill come to the floor for a full debate…

“That little pill creates some mighty big results!” he thought. Here was a brilliant opportunity to make Pilosi look stupid in front of the United States and her “life-partner”!!

With an erection that looked like he had a decent sized pumpkin in his drawers, Boehner began pushing Storm Troopers out of his way and saying; “Get the hell out of my way! I’m John Boehner and I work for the good of The Empire!”. He tagged all of his colleagues by saying “Let’s make fun of Pilosi…this’ll be great. Let’s all vote against tabling this stupid bill and we’ll be able to debate it and make Pilosi look like a Jack-Ass! Get it?! She’s a Democrat so we can make her look like a Jack-Ass!!”donkey

All of the Republicans laughed and said; “Yeah, we get it. That’s really funny…”jackass”. Now what are we supposed to do again?”

Boehner had a very difficult time keeping their attention with that medication “problem” down in his trousers banging into them. But eventually he managed to get his message through. All of the Republicans finally understood and said; “Ooohhh! SNAP!! The Emperor and Darth Vader will be so pleased! You’re right! We can make fun of Pilosi and that stupid Dennis Kucinich too!”

One Republican said to him; “Have you had that…ehm..bulge for more than four hours?” I don’t know: It could have been a physician who asked that, but more than likely it was just another Republican closet-case.

Anyway, Steny left the sacrificial virgin on his pulpit for 15 minutes…and then a little longer…and then a little longer. And he began to realize that not only did he have to take a pee-break, but that the Republicans were are changing their votes from “Yeah Let’s Table It” to “No Way Man, Let’s Have a Debate About It!!”. Steny didn’t know what to think: On one hand, it’d take over a half hour to get all of his leather gear off so he could pee — on the other, he didn’t understand why the Republicans were being such idiots for changing the votes to “NO” and then flipping him the bird.

Steny decided to risk it and take a pee-break and to let the Republicans have all the time they needed. After an hour, the full House had their votes cast and so Steney pushed the sacrificed virgin off his pulpit and called the vote.

170 – 242

(WTOP.com and the NY Times reports that the 162 – 251, but who cares what they have to say anyway.) That means, 170 members said “Yeah..Let’s scrap Kucinich’s HR 333” and 242 who said; “Let’s not table it – Let’s debate it so we can make fun of Nancy Pilosi!!! “ewok

“We’re going to help them out, to explain themselves,” said Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX 32nd) while pulling the head off an adolescent Ewok. “We’re going to give them their day in court.”

Hoyers’ gavel, a labrys stolen from the High Priestess’ office, banged on the pulpit: “So moved. We’ll open it up to debate the Impeachment.”

Then, reality hit the Republicans like a Jedi knight’s lightsaber through their brain-pans: “What did we just do?!?! Huh?” Someone from some redneck state whimpered nervously; “Did we just vote to open the debate on the Impeachment of Darth Vader?!”

storm trooperStorm Troopers closed ranks around all of them, Vader immediately grabbed his shotgun and a little bit of pee ran up John Boehner’s leg. The Emperor sent a fleet of Incom T-65 X-Wing star fighters to hover over the House of Representatives and signed another $30 Billion contract with Boba Fett.

Sunshine, a communal-spouse of Harry Waxman (D-CA 30th) suddenly placed her blunt down gingerly and said: “Why don’t we push this off to Committee?!”

Everybody looked up to Steny Hoyer thinking: “Good idea!Love animate Let’s push it off to committee!” Patrick McHenry (R-NC 10th) winked at Hoyer and had a Congressional page pass a note up to him that said: “Your leather outfit is turning me on…call me Daddie. Love, Patty-Pat-Pat.”

Steny Hoyer grabbed another virgin, this time a brunette, sacrificed her to in the name of the Goddess Morrigan and held the vote: “Shall We Push Kucinich’s HR 333 Off To Committee?!”

The House voted again. This time:

218 194

(WTOP.com got it figured out that time.) Now the bill is in the hands of John “Big Eagle Winds” Conyers (D-MI 14th) who’s head of the House Judiciary And All Things Wicca.boehner crying

John Boehner began crying (again) and sobbing: “The Emperor will be so upset with me!! Oh goodness, I just love this country so much… He…he.. He’s just going to kill my family and he’ll boil my head and eat it for lunch!!” Storm Troopers carried Boehner off while he was wailing and begging for mercy.

peaceloveThe bill was originally co-sponsored by House Judiciary Committe members: Tammy (Dew Rain) Baldwin (D-WI 2nd) Keith (Moonbeam) Ellison (D-MN 5th), Sheila (Rainbow) Jackson-Lee (D-TX 18th), Steve (Sunflower) Cohn (D-TN 9th), Maxine (Twilight) Waters (D-CA 35th) and Hank (Sunlight) Johnson (D-GA 4th), none of whom have passed a drug test since the 2nd Grade. Now that they have more power to truly Impeach the Vader, none of them show any interest today.

Representative Conyers, an former rabid hater of the Empire, the Emperor and Darth Vader, whimped out and has decided that he’s too busy to be bothered by all of this Impeachment Bru-Ha-Ha. His sweat lodge found Judiciary spokeswiccan named “Oak Would” (who was in the middle of “The Mysts of Avalon”) and sent her out to say this:

“The committee has a very busy agenda – over the next two weeks, we hope to pass a FISA bill, to vote on contempt of Congress citations, pass legislation on prisoner re-entry, court security and a variety of other very important items. We were surprised that the minority was so ready to move forward with consideration of a matter of such complexity as impeaching the Vice President. The Chairman will discuss today’s vote with the committee members but it would seem evident that the committee staff should continue to consider, as a preliminary matter, the many abuses of this Administration, including the Vice President.” – House Judiciary Committee Spokeswoman wiccan.FruitFly 6

High Priestess Nancy Pilosi, the first Speaker of the House to create a blog off the Priestess’ coven, has absolutely NOTHING listed about HR Bill 333.

Whew!! Washington can be such a crazy place!!! Thank the Goddess I had Kagro X @ DailyKos to help me figure all that out!!

Found in Michele Bachmann’s diary: 10/18/07

Dear DiaryWOOOO! DEAR daiREE!! I am trying to stay focus long enough to relish this moment in time…. It’s a great time for our great Deveined Leader George W Bush and all of us at the G OH-PEEEE.. I just love it…. TEN-MILLION little kids without health care and I don’t CARE!!!!! WOOOOO!!! WOOH!!

Marcus is still dwnstairs drinking and party and I had to slip away and write a few notes to relish the momment. I had to pee anyway and WOOOO!!!! I have been drinking earlier with John Kline, Steve Chabot, Dave Camp, John Mica and the rest of us who voted agnst the SCHP bill and we all WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Both Denny Hastert and Jerry Weller are both from Illinois and are both leaving the House of Representatives…BUT THEY DECIDED TO STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO KILL A FEW MORE KIDS! AHAHAHAAHAHAH AHHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAAH AHHAHAHAHH HAHAHAHAH

My buddy Virgil Goode of Virgnya climb up on a chair and shouted with beer splinning all over him shouting BETTER THAN SOCIAlized MEDICIDNE IS NO MEDICIDNE !!! Or something like that…

HAHAAHAH! HAHAHAH!!

 

Drunk PartyTHAt stupid SCHIP program is dead! We won!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOO!!!!!! Theyre all yellin downstares partying WOOOOO!!!Those nastly little kids can die for all I care. Let them all go to Hell… I don’t care about them. Ive been say LET JESUS SORT EM OUT! I found my SUV keys underneath my chair.

I think Lindsay Roberts is calling me and I can’t find my Iphon…

HELLO!?!! oh wait… hang on…

WOOHOOOOO!! Lindsay Roberts called and told me that she was goin to let me haveone of her boytoys she texstss messegases all of the time. H’es sonly 15 but he has HEALTH INSURANCE! HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHA AT least he won’t die on me HAHAHAHAH!

We killed that SCHIP and that little Graeme Frost little kidBethany whooo?!??! AHAHHAHA!!!

Nancy Pilosi haha Pilosi was so not happy and she was trying to…PiLOSI Librals!! HAHAHAHAHA and aall of GAYS TOO!!! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA I HATE THOSE CHIKLDREN!@!!!!!! Let em all die! hahahahaha!!FruitFly

Oh tank y jesus…. we kan kill em if theyr born bad and if htey get sick and if htey rgrow up we’ll kill em in iraq…. HAHAHA

gnightdiary

WE WON!! HAHA!

 

Found on under a paintcan

I’ve been annoying a few fruit bowls in the kitchen and on thePaintcan dining room table lately. Being busy means that your blog sucks, but that’s what happens anyway. In the meantime the world continues to go on with or without you and that’s just the way it goes. So here’s what I found underneath a paintcan; hopefully you’ll be able to live a bigger and heartier life because of it.

Yellow Ribbon

BILL’O (again)

Bill O’Reilly invites a retired USA colonel onto his show to discuss the Iranians who’ve taken British military hostage. Colonel Ann Wright answers his questions as they’re presented to her. BillO immediately jumps at the opportunity to point out that the retired Colonel has an opinion and an answer to the questions, and they’re not the responses he was hoping to hear. Typical of BillO, he attacks the woman verbally, and then he cuts her mike and holds her image muted while he squirms with delight that he gets to have the last word. Please don’t be squeemish: Go on ahead and watch the video, it’s about 3 minutes long and you get the idea that Colonel Wright has been punked.

Why anybody would even want to be on televison with BillO? Perhaps Colonel Wright deserves the embarrassment.

On the other hand: I do have to admire people like Bill O’Reilly; it’s stunning how well he demostrates his ability to Support Our Troops.

Monica-Gate version 2.0

Monica Goodling, a US Dept of Justice official is the liason between the Oval Office and US Attorney General’s office. She’s also a product of Regent University, that’s Pat Robertson and the 700 Club. So it’s safe to say that she’s really a liason between all three offices.

Two weeks ago, while the Gonzalez Lying to Congress case was just getting altitude in the media, Ms. Goodling was quick to aquire an attorney who was even quicker to tell the media that Ms. Goodling was planning on pleading the 5th Amendment.

“The potential for legal jeopardy for Ms. Goodling from even her most truthful and accurate testimony under these circumstances is very real,” said the lawyer, John Dowd.

Hrmm…What’s wrong with this picture?! Oh that’s right! Goodling’s attorney forgot! You can’t claim the 5th Amendment right to avoid indicting someone else. You can only plead the 5th to avoid incriminating yourself!(These Regent University students, they’re dumber after they graduate than they were before they were assigned a dorm room!)

House Judiciary Chairman John Conyers (D-MI) and Sub-Committee Chairwoman Linda Sanchez (D-CA) had a short meet-n-greet today and fired off a letter explaining the rules to Goodling and her attorney.

As McJoan of DailyKos pointed out; the Republicans weren’t always so keen on that option of pleading the 5th. But of course, the 5th Amendment was only included in the US Constitution for the convenience of Republicans!

Bush lies to the people of the United States (again)Bush knew

Aravosis, quickly becoming on of my favorite people on the Internet points out the obvious. In today’s speech to the U.S., Bush complained bitterly about how the Democrats in Congress shouldn’t be meddling in the affairs of war, giving him a bill filled with “pork”, blah blah blah.

But interesting is that Bush stated that the surge in troops was at the request of the generals on the ground in Iraq. And it’s Aravosis who points out that this is a bold-faced lie:

Bush just spoke to the nation, trying to convince the public to support his Iraq quagmire, and he claimed again that the surge, the escalation, was the idea of his commanders in the field, and he’s just following their advice.

In fact, all of the Joint Chiefs, the heads of the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, ALL opposed the surge.

In fact, everybody from the people in Iraq (including Maliki himself) have expressed their opposition to a surge in troops. The American people voted against anymore of this crap in Iraq, the Iraq Study Group has opposed anymore meddling in this Iraqi Civil War (that Bush started) and Congress have all expressed opposition to any continuance in this war of his.

Aravosis nails the last spike into the coffin with this tidbit:

And remember, it was just a few months ago, that the commanders on the ground were SO opposed to the surge that Bush came out and said, for the first time, that he WOULDN’T listen to commanders on the ground anymore.

Sweedish couple to name their newborn child “Metallica”

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are in a fight for their right to name their newborn baby girl “Metallica” after the legendary rock band. The Sweedish government’s tax office has refused to let them name the child with such an ugly moniker.

Lower office authorities have backed the couple’s right to name their child anything they want, however the Sweedish National Tax Board has refused to register the name. What’s even more bizarre about the story is that:

The couple was backed by the County Administrative Court in Goteborg, which ruled on March 13 that there was no reason to block the name. It also noted that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name.

I love this story so much because I’m thinking about Mr. and Mrs. Frank Zappa naming their kid Moon Unit. In the phone book, you have to look up “Zappa, Moon Unit.” And here comes a listing for “Tomaro Metallica”.

I wonder what they’ll name their next kid. “Flock of Seagulls”? “Imperial Drag”? Oh! Oh! Let me!! Let me!

ehem: “Barenaked Ladies”!

Mormons to Cheney: Even we hate you now

Just back in December, I found the article discussing the fact that Southern Methodist University had told the Bush Administration that they will not allow the “Bush Library” to be built on their campus. SMU, Laura (“Pickles”) Bush’s alma matre, has been approached by the White House with the current Adminstration looking for an appropriate place to house massive amounts of quality editions of “My Pet Goat. SMU, not willing to be the embarrassment of academia by allowing the Bush Legacy to be a pox on their campus, has told the White House that they’re certainly not too interested in the prospect.

Now, Wonkette points to the fact that yet another religious university has begun to object to Darth Vader, the Vice President of the United States, from visiting their campus.

Brigham Young University, the fake college where kids from the Church of Jesus of Latter Day Saints can go to receive their worthless degree without ever having to be exposed to a single idea contrary to their upbringing, has apparently inched itself closer to reality: they know Vice President Dick Cheney is an evil vampire hellbent on conquering the earth and eating our children.

To quote Wonkette’s quote who quoted:

The private university, which is owned by the Mormon church, has “a heavy emphasis on personal honesty and integrity in all we do,” said Warner Woodworth, a professor at BYU’s business school. “Cheney just doesn’t measure up.”

Romney Family PhotoI think the Mormon church has finally shown their trump card: Buying the presidency via Mass Governor Mitt Romney makes it all the more important that they distance themselves from The Bush Co as quickly as possible.

It’s fascinating how quickly Jesus can hate you these days. There used to be a time when Jesus loved the Bush Administration. Now they’re treated like .. ehem “a leper”.

I think John Smith would probably turn over in his grave if he knew his disciples were acting like ordinary Christians.

Me