The GOP now admires the Taliban?!

talibanThe Republican Party seems to have simply gone off their nut that coincides with the 2006 mid-term elections. More often than not, we’re confronted with a “Political Oddity of the Week” coming from the depths of the Republican gullet.

Sure – the GOP could say the same thing about Democrats and we’d have to agree to some extent.

  • Governor Elliott Spitzer (D-NY), carrying an extra load of hot-headedness on prostitution in that state, get’s caught with very expensive whores on a regular basis.
  • Also, Goobernator, Rod Blagojevich (D-IL), auctioning off an empty Senate Seat vacated by the newly sworn-in President Barack Obama.

..The Dumbasses.

But I’m not talking about small time juvenile crap like bribes and adultery. If I were, I’d be spending the next forty-five minutes blabbering on endlessly about Senator Ted Stevens (R-AK) being found guilty for 37-counts of bribery or Senator David Vitter (R-LA) who was getting wrapped in a diaper by the gentle hands of the DC Madam. Let’s just remember the rule shall we?

“If Democrats are accused, they are to be impeached or dismissed immediately. If Republicans are accused they can either simply Apologize and go back to work – or they can risk all of it by going to a trial in front of a jury of their peers.”

What I’m talking about is the GOP really falling off their GOP-nut by acting out and saying the craziest things imaginable and it just makes you want to scratch your scalp and think:

“Hrmmm…You know – since I stopped using Selsun Blue, my scalp itches a whole lot more than usual!”

adkissonJuly 27, 2008 Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church had the congregation’s children on the stage performing the play Anne. Jim D. Adkisson busted in on the church carrying a 12-gauge #4 semi-automatic sawed-off shotgun, yelling and screaming about “the Gays” and how much he hates “Liberals”. The church later, held funerals for two of their faithful flock and seven others were nursed back to their health from their injuries.

One man who was killed, was labled as a hero: (Greg McKendry) turned on the shooter and stood there taking the full-force of the blast shielding everybody else. His little granddaughter was showered with blood. At that close range, McKendry’s body would have been simply ripped in half. The jury is still out on how many of those pint-sized performers on the stage will carry the trauma Adkisson caused on that bright Sunday morning.

From the stage, they (the children on the stage singing the “Good ship, Lollipop!”) saw a gunman pull a sawed-off shotgun out of a guitar case and fire three deadly blasts that covered their friends and relatives in blood before congregants wrestled him to the ground.


“You’ve got kids that were covered in blood. There were kids that watched their grandparents in a pool of blood and they were screaming and running down the hall in blood,” Jones said. “They saw so much.”

It was a terrorist act of course. The sheriff on the case stated that Adkisson simply hated liberals!

In a four-page letter police found in his small SUV in the church parking lot, Adkisson said he attacked the church because “he hated the liberal movement,” Police Chief Sterling Owen said.

Democratic Party ShootingAug 13, 2008Timothy Dale Johnson walked into the Arkansas Democratic National Convention headquarters in Little Rock and demanded to see Arkansas DNC Chair Bill Gwatney. He was refused passage, so he barged in anyway and shot and killed Gwatney a close range. Johnson, fired from his job at a local Target store, scrawled hate-graffitti on the men’s restroom wall – complaining about liberals.

Another Republican terrorist. He led the police on a chase and ended up losing his life from injuries received from the police during the chace.

Said R. Neal of the Knoxviews:

You know, after the Knoxville church shooting and now this, I am actually starting to worry a little. It could be that Democrats and other conservative movement opposition are going to have to start taking all the hateful remarks and veiled threats more seriously, especially if they are directed at individuals and especially if there is any specificity.

My thoughts exactly.

The religious conservatives share the same terrorist views as their political conservatives. While Tom Tancredo (R-CO) called for the bombing of Mecca to “shatter the Muslim center“, Reverend Rod Parsley, pastor of the 13,000 mega church in Columbus, OH has repeatedly called for the destruction of the Muslim faith.

Parsley says there is a war and he wants bigger war, as America can only “fulfill its divine purpose” by seeing to it that Islam, “this false religion, is destroyed.” Though he spells out no specific strategy, he writes things like, “We find now we have no choice. The time has come” to destroy “this anti-Christ religion,” inspired by demons who spoke to Allah.

You might say; “Okay, okay…! Fruit! Listen to me! The world is full of crazy people! Quit trying to be ‘Pink Floyd’ and comb through the audience screaming ‘Get him up against the wall!

And….!!!! (Take a deep breath!!!) …I would have to agree with you!!

When I was a little kid, I actually caught my older brother trying to count how many knuckles on one finger he could shove up his left nostril.
And I thought to myself at that time:

“Fruit! Throughout your life, you will always find people who are dumber than that Dipshit over there with his finger up his nose!”

Ladies and Gentleman: We have finally arrived.

Yesterday, Pete Sessions (R-TX), Chair of the National Republican Congressional Committee, told a group of fellow Republicans that the Republican Party, needed to “understand insurgency” in implementing efforts to offer alternatives.“.

They’re feeling rather impotent at this moment because of the fucking whopper of a financial crises that they begged our American dollar to endure….

It’s the American Taliban defined by the GOP:

“Insurgency, we understand perhaps a little bit more because of the Taliban,” Sessions said during a meeting yesterday with Hotline editors. “And that is that they went about systematically understanding how to disrupt and change a person’s entire processes. And these Taliban — I’m not trying to say the Republican Party is the Taliban. No, that’s not what we’re saying. I’m saying an example of how you go about [sic] is to change a person from their messaging to their operations to their frontline message. And we need to understand that insurgency may be required when the other side, the House leadership, does not follow the same commands, which we entered the game with.”

Huh?! Are you interpreting the message the same way that I am? The Chair of the NRCC, Congressman Pete Sessions (R-TX) is admiring the Freaking Taliban?!?!

Wait! Wait! Wait!! Before you feel compelled to shove your finger up your nose and begin counting knuckles!

Sessions actually makes the threat:

“If they (Pilosi, Reid, Obama, Democrats) do not give us those options or opportunities then we will then become insurgency of a nature to where we do those things that are necessary to making sure the American public knows what we think the correct answer is,” Sessions said during the 60-minute interview. “So we either work together, or we’re going to find a way to get our message out.

padillaDoes anybody remember this kid named Jose Padilla? He’s this American punk with a big mouth. He got out of prison for some petty thing he had done.  Being a hothead, he began shooting his mouth off in the Chicago ghettos about making a dirty bomb and killing George W. Bush. It was like, he was washing dishes at some restaurant and he’d be saying:

“Yeah – I hate that M%@#$ President Boosh!  Maaannnn…If I could, I would put a cap in his ass…”

He was arrested, thrown into a SC military prison and held – without an attorney for three and a half years years.  As if the United States Constitution didn’t even exist.

So, is there anybody out there who thinks Congressman Pete Sessions (R-TX) deserves anything less than Padilla?  Please raise your hand. (Preferably the hand that isn’t already occupied with your olfactory.)

The GOP has fallen off their nut!! And what’s really strange…They actually sound, look like and act like – the very same Taliban that George W Bush declared war against seven years ago!

FruitFly 6

Asked to assess the political landscape for the midterms, Sessions suggested that the NRCC will back the best candidates in each district — as opposed to targeting support to specific contests, as the group has done previously. He noted that Democrats hold seats in 83 districts that President Bush won in 2000 or 2004, showing that the GOP has opportunities, despite the party’s losses in the last two cycles.

Sessions said he believes Republicans can take back the House.

“We believe our job is to aim to win the majority,” Sessions said. “I’ve never aimed to come in second place.”

Hopefully, Congressman Sessions isn’t aiming a 12-gauge #4 semi-automatic sawed-off shotgun at someobody’s grand-daughter.

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

“I” is for “Impeachment”

Okay, I think I’ve figured out what happened.

KucinichCongressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH 10th) Presidential hopeful and Druidic High Priest, entered HR Bill 333 back in April 2007. Everybody snickered and giggle behind his back because as you already know, Kucinich smokes marijuana and gets his Tarot read by famous Hollywood moonbats like Shirley MacLain. Only problem is that High Priestess Nancy Pilosi already told everybody that Impeaching any of the Bush Cartel was off the table. (Pilosi is far too liberal and way too interested in working on the super-secret “Gay Agenda” to be dealing on an Impeachment case.)

Yesterday comes around and Nancy’s sex-slave Steny Hoyer (D-MD 5th) holds the floor and up comes HR Bill 333. Hoyer doesn’t want to deal with this bill and so he puts out the vote to “table it”. In other words: “Let’s ignore this bill like we did in New Orleans.” Now before he can call for a vote to “table”Hippie Chick the bill, it has to be read to the full House or Representatives. Out comes a House clerk who’s name was Willow or something and she reads the Articles of Impeachment for Dick “Darth Vader” Cheney.

Now, the dope-smoker ‘s articles of Impeachment are official in the Congressional records. Steny Hoyer thanked Willow and then told the full House that his “Safe Word” was “butt pimple”. He said that it was important that before any sexual activity began during the vote, that everybody knew what everybody else’s “safe word” was. He then repeated his own: “butt pimple”.

The Dems aren’t really interested in the bill; it reaks of mugwort and deep-fried eye-of-newt. Besides, someone had written the bill on hemp paper. The only ones that are interested in the bill are Dems that have their own Druid high priestesses and Dark Arts professors.

The Republicans are definitely not interested in Impeaching their beloved Darth Vader; so being protected on all sides by The Empires’ Storm Troopers, they immediately began voting “Hell YEAH-Let’s Table It”.

viagraHouse Minority leader John Boehner (R-OH 8th) took some erectile dysfunction tablets made by Pfizer, Inc. and all of a sudden, he had an epiphany: Here was a golden opportunity embarrass High Priestess Pilosi! If they voted against tabling it and let the bill come to the floor for a full debate…

“That little pill creates some mighty big results!” he thought. Here was a brilliant opportunity to make Pilosi look stupid in front of the United States and her “life-partner”!!

With an erection that looked like he had a decent sized pumpkin in his drawers, Boehner began pushing Storm Troopers out of his way and saying; “Get the hell out of my way! I’m John Boehner and I work for the good of The Empire!”. He tagged all of his colleagues by saying “Let’s make fun of Pilosi…this’ll be great. Let’s all vote against tabling this stupid bill and we’ll be able to debate it and make Pilosi look like a Jack-Ass! Get it?! She’s a Democrat so we can make her look like a Jack-Ass!!”donkey

All of the Republicans laughed and said; “Yeah, we get it. That’s really funny…”jackass”. Now what are we supposed to do again?”

Boehner had a very difficult time keeping their attention with that medication “problem” down in his trousers banging into them. But eventually he managed to get his message through. All of the Republicans finally understood and said; “Ooohhh! SNAP!! The Emperor and Darth Vader will be so pleased! You’re right! We can make fun of Pilosi and that stupid Dennis Kucinich too!”

One Republican said to him; “Have you had that…ehm..bulge for more than four hours?” I don’t know: It could have been a physician who asked that, but more than likely it was just another Republican closet-case.

Anyway, Steny left the sacrificial virgin on his pulpit for 15 minutes…and then a little longer…and then a little longer. And he began to realize that not only did he have to take a pee-break, but that the Republicans were are changing their votes from “Yeah Let’s Table It” to “No Way Man, Let’s Have a Debate About It!!”. Steny didn’t know what to think: On one hand, it’d take over a half hour to get all of his leather gear off so he could pee — on the other, he didn’t understand why the Republicans were being such idiots for changing the votes to “NO” and then flipping him the bird.

Steny decided to risk it and take a pee-break and to let the Republicans have all the time they needed. After an hour, the full House had their votes cast and so Steney pushed the sacrificed virgin off his pulpit and called the vote.

170 – 242

( and the NY Times reports that the 162 – 251, but who cares what they have to say anyway.) That means, 170 members said “Yeah..Let’s scrap Kucinich’s HR 333” and 242 who said; “Let’s not table it – Let’s debate it so we can make fun of Nancy Pilosi!!! “ewok

“We’re going to help them out, to explain themselves,” said Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX 32nd) while pulling the head off an adolescent Ewok. “We’re going to give them their day in court.”

Hoyers’ gavel, a labrys stolen from the High Priestess’ office, banged on the pulpit: “So moved. We’ll open it up to debate the Impeachment.”

Then, reality hit the Republicans like a Jedi knight’s lightsaber through their brain-pans: “What did we just do?!?! Huh?” Someone from some redneck state whimpered nervously; “Did we just vote to open the debate on the Impeachment of Darth Vader?!”

storm trooperStorm Troopers closed ranks around all of them, Vader immediately grabbed his shotgun and a little bit of pee ran up John Boehner’s leg. The Emperor sent a fleet of Incom T-65 X-Wing star fighters to hover over the House of Representatives and signed another $30 Billion contract with Boba Fett.

Sunshine, a communal-spouse of Harry Waxman (D-CA 30th) suddenly placed her blunt down gingerly and said: “Why don’t we push this off to Committee?!”

Everybody looked up to Steny Hoyer thinking: “Good idea!Love animate Let’s push it off to committee!” Patrick McHenry (R-NC 10th) winked at Hoyer and had a Congressional page pass a note up to him that said: “Your leather outfit is turning me on…call me Daddie. Love, Patty-Pat-Pat.”

Steny Hoyer grabbed another virgin, this time a brunette, sacrificed her to in the name of the Goddess Morrigan and held the vote: “Shall We Push Kucinich’s HR 333 Off To Committee?!”

The House voted again. This time:

218 194

( got it figured out that time.) Now the bill is in the hands of John “Big Eagle Winds” Conyers (D-MI 14th) who’s head of the House Judiciary And All Things Wicca.boehner crying

John Boehner began crying (again) and sobbing: “The Emperor will be so upset with me!! Oh goodness, I just love this country so much… He…he.. He’s just going to kill my family and he’ll boil my head and eat it for lunch!!” Storm Troopers carried Boehner off while he was wailing and begging for mercy.

peaceloveThe bill was originally co-sponsored by House Judiciary Committe members: Tammy (Dew Rain) Baldwin (D-WI 2nd) Keith (Moonbeam) Ellison (D-MN 5th), Sheila (Rainbow) Jackson-Lee (D-TX 18th), Steve (Sunflower) Cohn (D-TN 9th), Maxine (Twilight) Waters (D-CA 35th) and Hank (Sunlight) Johnson (D-GA 4th), none of whom have passed a drug test since the 2nd Grade. Now that they have more power to truly Impeach the Vader, none of them show any interest today.

Representative Conyers, an former rabid hater of the Empire, the Emperor and Darth Vader, whimped out and has decided that he’s too busy to be bothered by all of this Impeachment Bru-Ha-Ha. His sweat lodge found Judiciary spokeswiccan named “Oak Would” (who was in the middle of “The Mysts of Avalon”) and sent her out to say this:

“The committee has a very busy agenda – over the next two weeks, we hope to pass a FISA bill, to vote on contempt of Congress citations, pass legislation on prisoner re-entry, court security and a variety of other very important items. We were surprised that the minority was so ready to move forward with consideration of a matter of such complexity as impeaching the Vice President. The Chairman will discuss today’s vote with the committee members but it would seem evident that the committee staff should continue to consider, as a preliminary matter, the many abuses of this Administration, including the Vice President.” – House Judiciary Committee Spokeswoman wiccan.FruitFly 6

High Priestess Nancy Pilosi, the first Speaker of the House to create a blog off the Priestess’ coven, has absolutely NOTHING listed about HR Bill 333.

Whew!! Washington can be such a crazy place!!! Thank the Goddess I had Kagro X @ DailyKos to help me figure all that out!!