Massachusetts Elects Nude Porn-Star!!

Oh wait! That was the “Family Values Crowd” that was talking about that… I forgot!!

Hooray for the liberals in Massachusetts!! They’ve elected their first porn-star!!

Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

The Democrats vs The GOP: How We Doin’ So Far?

corn flakesFriends from all over the United States have told me, either on the phone or via email that the Democrats have been showing up in droves. When we went to vote, traffic was so horribly backed up, people simply pulled over on the shoulder and abandoned their vehicles. We found a back road behind a parking lot which was filling up and did the same. I’ve seen news media everywhere saying that Democrats have been showing up twice, if not three times to that of our Republican counter-parts.

But is that really true?

I spent an hour this morning swimming out there in “Dataville” and I couldn’t find anybody who’ll tell me the ratio of voting Dems to Repukes on this year’s Primaries/Caucuses.

This morning on Meet The Press, Tim Russert practically shoved Huckleberry Hound off the set after Holy Mike explained he was praying for a “Jesus sized Miracle” to win. But by the time Holy Mike got to twanging away about frying squirrels on a popcorn popper in college, the real “Jesus Miracle” was the number people who were still watching the show.

Following that fiasco of total air time, Russert pooled his buddies together to discuss the elections and how they’re going for both the Dems and the ‘Pukes. Gwen Ifle, David Brody, Chuck Todd and Dave Broder (the token GOP Whore) all had an intriguing conversation about the Obama v Clinton delegate count.

Then these words were said on MTP:

MR. RUSSERT: …And if you look at the vote count thus far in these primaries, here it is: Republicans have gotten 12.9 million votes, Democrats have gotten 19.2 votes.

It shows a little more intensity and enthusiasm for one party over another, Chuck Todd.

MR. TODD: It’s a huge problem for the Republicans. I mean, they look at these numbers, and they’re very, very nervous.

Are they really that nervous? Is Karl Rove really pulling out the remaining strands of hair from his balding scalp?

day crow crowdHow much of an effect can a 30% approval rating for a sitting US President have on primary caucuses in an election year?

  • A good friend of mine, a liberal Democrat in Atlanta: “Twice as many Dems showed up to vote as Republicans!!”
  • Another friend of mine in Montgomery, AL: “You wouldn’t believe it! Dems were everywhere voting…you couldn’t find a Republican anywhere!”
  • A friend of mine from Los Angeles: “Dude, it’s incredible. You wouldn’t believe it. EVERYBODY is voting Dem out here. It’s so knarley, ya know?!”
  • Last Friday, my best friend, a Catholic priest in southern Lousiana said while chewing on some fresh crawfish: “I think dat Hillary’s going to win Louisiana, but who dat Obama say he goin’ a-win?!” (Obama won of course; pass the hot sauce, thank you very much.)
  • Here in Minnesota, my State Senator Ann Rest said that they were expecting three times DFL’ers to show up to vote over the Minnesota GOP.

Is this all true?

It was -30F wind chill last night. Little Otis is upset because he’s bored out of his skull for lack of anything related to the outdoors and withdrawl symptoms from his addiction to squirrel poop. What a better time to give the dog a rawhide bone and get my mouse surfing?

I gave up screwing around with local Secretary of State offices. If the SOS is a Republican, you can’t find the vote-count results anywhere. If it’s a Dem, the SOS is so overly “datafied” and the research became ridiculous. Huge *.PDF files with breakdowns of precinct percentages broken down by “voters under 35” and “household incomes less than fifty dollars”.


I caved in and went worshiping at the Throne of Mass Media: CNN.

I tallied up all of the votes between Democrats and Republicans, regardless of which candidate they voted for, even if they were simply “undecided”.

The numbers are astounding. Including some states you’d never think. I’ve highlighted states to match the color of the party with the higher turnout. The rare GOP turn out might surprise you, or it may not.

Please note that Maine finished their primary today, and the CNN data was less than 8 minutes old when I was tallying up those totals. States where one party is TWICE or THREE TIMES the turnout as their counter-parts are highlighted in yellow. Which attracts the most of my attention.

Voter Totals are valid as of 2/11/04 (i.e. Expect updates…)

DEM: 539,743
2,672 (Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 563,822
1,252 (Uncommitted Included)

DEM: 397,642
GOP: 480,351

DEM: 298,338
GOP: 218,897
(944 Uncommitted Included)

texansInteresting: More people from the “Old Geezer” State showed up to vote for their guy John McCain (the ultimate old geezer) than Mike Huckabee could draw from his own Hillbilly State. Perhaps the GOP voters in Arkansas decided that bribing the Huckabee’s to leave the Governors Mansion in Little Rock with that gift registry at Target and Dillards was enough. God knows what the Huckabee’s will do to take a bribe to leave the White House in four years.

DEM: 4,541,,082
GOP: 2,293,212

DEM: 119,184
(1253 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 55,845

DEM: 350,595
GOP: 150,159

DC (District of Columibia):
DEM: 113,157
GOP: 5,711

Note: Only GOP congressional staffers bothered to show up to vote here. I can imagine the GOP Polling “Holes” were vacant with an occasional voter strolling in every other hour or so… This GOP turnout was pathetic!

DEM: 95,979
GOP: 50,062

DEM: 1,684,390
GOP: 1,864,350

I found Florida interesting. Floridians knew their delegates were banned by the DNC. Yet, they went out and voted anyway. And they still ran short by about 180,000 Republicans.

DEM: 1,046,485
GOP: 954,462

HAWAI’I: updated3
DEM: 37,247
(65 Uncommitted)
GOP: The Repukes hold their Primary on 5/18 (like we cared).

DEM: 21,224
(552 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: The Repukes hold their Primary on 5/27 (like we care).

DEM: 2,958,268
GOP: 885,009

DEM: 36,695
(8 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 19,133
(84 Uncommitted Included)

DEM: 357,547
GOP: 156,101

Noted: Most all of the Southern states, the Dems seem to have found their voice! Louisiana, rare to be twice that of the turnout to that of the ‘Pukes, but not uncommon to be such a high turnout!

MAINE: (To be updated, obviously)
DEM: 3,200
(17 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 2,410

DEM: 723,407
GOP: 277,162

DEM: 1,244,133
(7,766 “No Preference” Included)
GOP: 496,171
(1875 “No Preference” Included)

DEM: 593,837
(237,762 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 867,271
(18106 Uncommitted Included)

Ralph NaderAnother interesting voter turnout. Michigan’s delegates were also banned and yet the Dems showed up anyway; 273,000 less than their Repuke neighbors.

DFL: 213,249
GOP: 62,857
Constitution Party: 82

Interesting note for Minnesota: The Greens and the Independents didn’t vote. They either voted for a Dem or a ‘Puke, but there’s no votes cast for an Independent or a Greenie. (See ya later Ralphie!!!)

UPDATE: Grace Kelly over at MnBlue politely informed me that the Greenies and the Indies don’t vote until later. I stand corrected but there’s no damned way I’m pullin’ down my digi-graphic of Ralphie. He’s so HOT!!

(Please read the COMMENTS for more information.)

DEM: 823,376
(3,133 Uncommitted Votes Included)
GOP: 433,749
(2,083 Uncommitted Votes Included)
LIB: 2056
(963 Uncommitted Votes Included)

DEM: 38,481
(99 Uncommitted Votes Included)
GOP: The ‘Pukes hold their Primary on 5/13 (like we care).

DEM: 10,560
(31 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 44,324


I’m sick and tired of y’all mispronouncing it!

DEM: 284,104
GOP: 233,381

DEM: 1,109,369
GOP: 556,855

Vote! Or we’ll call Tony Soprano on ya.

NEW MEXICO: (What’s up with Gov. Bill Richardson’s backyard in Counting Votes, anyway?)
DEM: 139,869
(413 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: (The Repukes have their Primary on June 8…Like we care)

DEM: 1,721,265
GOP: 602,747
(18,566 voting for Rotten Rudy Giuliani Included)

Like Huckabee, New Yorkers ignoring Rudy like that was a crushing embarrassment. Not only did New Yorkers say to Rudy; “No!”, they said “HELL F%$#$ NO!”

DEM: 18,856
GOP: 9,743

Not quite twice the number of Dems! But; “Ooooh..! So close!” As conservative as NoDaks tend to be, this is a remarkable turnout.

DEM: 401,230
GOP: 329,843

DEM: 530,322
GOP: 442,918

(3,123 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 547,614
(1812 Uncommitted Included)

DEM: 122,617
GOP: 283,759

DEM: 964,701
GOP: 479,644

DEM: 31,984
(363 Uncommitted Included)
GOP: 13,475
(1729 Uncommitted Included)

WISCONSIN: updated3
DEM: 1,099,624
(860 Uninstructed Included)
GOP: 403,437
(850 Uninstructed Included)

I counted 22 states in which the more voters showed up for the Dems than for the ‘Pukes. I would say the Dems are doing pretty well this year. And as we progress our final year of the Village Idiot sitting in the Oval Office and Dick Cheney keeps burning down restrooms, in the Vice Presidents office and government offices all over Washington DC, more of us are going to be fed up with the GOP’s “Disaster Platform”.

I would tend to believe Chuck Todd in the fact that the GOP is extremely nervous. The NRCC, the financial spinal-column for the upcoming GOP election, is bracing for the news of many years of financial looting going back many many years. As well as they should be:

The NRCC’s accounting problems were discussed during two high-level conference calls between senior GOP lawmakers on Friday and Monday night, according to Republicans briefed on the calls.

“There is a sense that this could be very damaging to the committee,” said a Republican insider close to the GOP leadership.

The precise details of the suspected accounting irregularities and their possible fallout are not entirely clear. NRCC officials and top GOP leaders are being tight-lipped in large part because the FBI is investigating the matter. An outside lawyer advising members and staff has warned everyone at the committee to keep quiet.

FruitFly 6Do I think we’re doing better than the ‘Pukes?! Definitely! Even in spite of the growing debate within the DNC about Super Delegates and Obama v Clinton is a whole lot better than what the GOP is facing. The DNC isn’t broke, under investigations, rife with scandals and filled with corruption. The GOP could only pray for a complex issue like a brokered convention.

President Bush’s newest (dis)-approval numbers

Nazi MickeyDoes anybody remember when ABC (a.k.a. Mickey Mouse Television) aired that show “Path to 9-11” in 2006? There was all of this controversy from within the Democratic National Committee who urged progressives and liberals to write nasty-grams to ABC Chief Robert Iger to keep that piece of propaganda piece off the air. Especially when the movie essentially blamed the Democrats in Congress (?!!) for 9-11. And being a month and a half away from the upcoming election, that really pissed off the Progressives and the Liberals. Everybody screamed and ballyhooed complete with pictures of Mickey Mouse sporting an Adolf Hitler mustache. The propaganda puff-piece didn’t seem to work however: The Dems, of course, gained control of Congress and the Republicans are still bitching and whining about a “liberal media bias”…of course.

Well, now the Mickey Channel has some bad news for the neo-Nazi’s, the likes of Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin:

The latest GW Bush poll numbers from Mickey Mouse tee-vee!!

Nazy Mickey…And trust me folks, it ain’t looking good for King George, his wife Pickles, or for Pluto, Goofy and the Country Bear Jamboree. Although I’m sure it was painful for the producers of the “Path to 9-11” (especially after their stupid propaganda film didn’t do them any good anyway), Americans simply do not like George…nor the neo-Nazi flag that his minions are currently goose stepping and saluting.

Are we ready boys and girls?!

Let’s go!

Job Approval: Just 32 percent of Americans now approve of the way Bush is handling his job, while 66 percent disapprove.

Even with a slight reduction in violence in Iraq:

64 percent say the war was not worth fighting, 2 points from its high.

Republican boys and girls might want to look away… this could get ugly for some.

77 percent in this ABC News/Washington Post poll say the country is headed off on the wrong track — the most since the federal government shut down in a deeply unpopular budget battle in early 1996.

Three post-World War II presidents have gone lower than Bush in overall approval:

    • Jimmy Carter (28 percent)
      • Richard Nixon (24 percent)
      • Harry Truman (22 percent)

          But after three straight years in the doghouse, Bush is just two months away from Truman’s record of 38 months without majority approval — far beyond any other.

          Intensity of sentiment, moreover, remains very heavily against the president.

          Fifty-one percent strongly disapprove of his work overall, while just 16 percent strongly approve — strongly negative by better than a 3-1 ratio.

          On the Economy:

          Economic trouble almost always damages an incumbent president, and it’s been brewing for months. Consumer confidence as measured weekly by ABC News grew worse in each quarter of 2007. In November, 69 percent of Americans said a recession was at least somewhat likely in the next year. And in this poll the economy has surpassed the Iraq War as the most important issue to voters in the 2008 presidential campaign.

          8 percent now approve of how Bush is handling the economy, down 6 points in the last month and down from 40 percent in June.

          But it’s not the housing or credit markets but other economic concerns that Americans cite as their families’ main economic problems:

            • 24 % cite health care costs
              • 23 % rising prices
              • 16% on the price of gasoline
              • 12% on taxes

                Notice that the number one issue is a topic that Republicans completely ignore while the last item is a topic Republicans promote as a “top issue”. The opposite is true of the Democrats: Health care is vitality important to the Democrats platform. Is it any wonder why the Democrats are hauling in loads of cash while the Republicans are starved for it?

                On “Getting Ahead” (no dirty-thoughts please)

                All told, just 21 percent say they’re “getting ahead” financially, while 17 percent say they’re falling behind (actually a bit fewer than the 23 percent who say so in fall 2006). Most, six in 10, say they’re earning just enough to maintain their standard of living.

                That’s Mickey-speak translated as: Over half of Americans say they’re barely hanging on, Baby.

                In a country where getting ahead is the American dream, just holding steady doesn’t do it.

                • Among those who are getting ahead financially, 60 percent say the country is headed in the wrong direction (they have other concerns, including the war).
                • Among those who are just maintaining, far more, 79 percent, say the country’s going the wrong way.
                • And among those falling behind, “wrong direction” peaks at 89 percent.

                On “Iraq” (drum-roll please…)

                  • 30 percent approve of how he’s handling the war in Iraq (2 points from his low, and again strong disapprovers outnumber strong approvers by 3-1.
                  • 54 percent remain skeptical the U.S. is making significant progress restoring civil order there.

                    Of those who support the War in Iraq (those Republicans who are going to vote for McCain, Romney, Huckabee and “Rotten Rudy” Giuliani)

                      • 69 percent approve of Bush’s work in office
                        • 52 percent say the country’s headed down the wrong track

                          Among those who disapprove of the war,

                            • Bush’s approval rating is 12 percent;
                              • “wrong track,” 91 percent.

                                Aye yi yi!! That smarts! Especially when over half the country is skeptical about this war already – 91% think this war is nothing but crap!

                                The effect of an unpopular war on presidential approval has been seen before. Johnson’s approval dropped year-to-year as the nation became enmeshed in Vietnam, from 66 percent in 1965 to 51 percent in 1966 and 42 percent in 1968, when he chose not to run for re-election. Bush’s approval has followed a similar path — just a longer one.

                                Bush v LBJ

                                On the “Party”!! (That’s the “neo-con party” of Nazi’s of course)

                                There’s been political damage beyond the president; his party has suffered as well. After decades of gradual growth, the Republican Party finally achieved parity with the Democrats in 2003, when, on average across the year, precisely equal numbers of Americans identified themselves with either party — 31 percent Democrats, 31 percent Republicans (with the rest independents).

                                But that changed after 2003 — the year the United States invaded Iraq. Since then Republican self-identification has moved back down, to an average of 25 percent across 2007 — its lowest year long average since 1984.

                                Party ID

                                <GASP!> Bush’s Presidency has thrown the GOP back to the early Eighties?! Ronald Ray-gun must be rolling in his grave! This is more terrifying than a ride on the Pirates of the Caribbean..! Can you imagine what the “liberal press” is saying right now?!

                                On Groups:

                                Bush is at career lows in approval in three groups as well as overall — among liberals (9 percent approve of his work), moderates (24 percent) and independents — the center of American politics — among whom just 25 percent approve.

                                His ratings are far higher among his core supporters, Republicans and conservatives, with 68 percent and 55 percent approval, respectively. But even those are well below his career averages in these groups, 86 percent and 71 percent. Beyond liberals, disapproval of Bush peaks among Democrats, African-Americans and strong opponents of the Iraq war.

                                The most interesting statement in the four page report is the last sentence:

                                The president’s low overall ratings fuel one other result, perhaps an obvious one: 79% percent of Americans say his successor should take the nation in a different direction.

                                Obviously this should be of the most important interest to all of the GOP candidates up there. Mitt Romney preaches “change” but doesn’t explain how to define that word. Likewise with Huckabee and “Rotten Rudy” Giuliani; they preach “change” but they’re not defining.

                                Their candidate gaining popularity recently is (POW and tortured) Senator John McCain. He’s the one who compromised with the president by letting Bush continue on torturing Guantanamo detainees which makes him nothing but a stinking hypocrite.  But I digress…again. McCain doesn’t even bother talking about “change”. He promotes staying in Iraq for up to 100 years if necessary and thinks Bush is doing a mighty fine job.

                                If you’d rather read the article with the graph charts, massive amounts of numbered charts and clarifications of what questions were asked (and the demographics of the people polled), you can click the PDF here. The charts on this blog belong to the original ABC report published in the PDF. Otherwise, you can roll a joint, make yourself a JD-n-coke and enjoy what I’ve supplied here. (Just don’t tell the cops about your stash, like I did once. Spent the entire Fourth of July weekend in jail.)

                                FruitFlyNow there’s only one logical conclusion to all of this gibberish: If the Evangelicals believe God Almighty reached down from Heaven and hand-picked George W Bush to be our President, our Commander in Chief… Then we’re in a hell of a lot of trouble.

                                Rudy Giuliani’s campaign going down? Say it isn’t so!

                                RudyNow this can’t be good. His campaign staffers are waving their need for a paycheck while Rudy waits for that special “blow-out” election in Florida. Says the Mpls Strib:

                                About a dozen senior campaign staffers for Rudy Giuliani are forgoing their January paychecks, aides said Friday, a sign of possible money trouble for the Republican presidential candidate.

                                “We have enough money, but we could always use more money,” contended Mike DuHaime, Giuliani’s campaign manager and one of those who now is working for free. “We want to make sure we have enough to win.”

                                Doesn’t look good, huh? Check this out farther down the column:

                                The former New York mayor has yet to win a contest and is counting on a victory in delegate-rich Florida to prove his candidacy is viable heading into the multistate contests slated for Feb. 5, where he believes he can prevail in states like California and Illinois.

                                It’s a costly strategy because Florida and states that follow it are home to some of the most expensive media markets in the country. With so many states voting in such a narrow time period, candidates can do little else but rely on paid media to get their message out.

                                What do you want to bet that Rudy Giuliani has embezzled “all of that cash” and funneled it directly into his consulting company, Giuliani Partners? In six moths to a year from now, we’re going to have a headline reading:FruitFly

                                “Financial woes at Giuliani Partners: IRS expected to file indictments today”

                                …And it’ll be all about this money that came into the company right around this time and we’ll have forgotten all about his campaign staffers who’ve waved getting paid in order to see him elected President of the United States.

                                Iowegians goes to Caucus

                                alice-goes-to-caucus.jpgIt’s the Iowa Caucus, everybody!! Have you heard?! It’s the Iowa Caucus! It’s finally here! Finish up with the milking, get those chickens fed, let’s head on into town and let’s do some caucusing!!!

                                Not so fast you Republicans… You guys have a whole lot less to be thrilled about. Apparently, the Mormon Church’s “Dialing For Mittens” campaign is having an opposite reaction to the expected. Romney’s white-shirt-black-tie Dailing Army has become so annoying, Republicans are leaving the party campaign and voting for Obama instead!

                                One interesting item: Republican turnout calls are picking up Obama supporters on Republican caucus-goers lists. There is going to be a good government/reform vote for Obama crossing over from outside the usual Dem base; especially moderate GOP women. I’ve predicted an Obama Iowa win for a year and I am more confident than ever now. The difference is most local Iowa operatives of both parties now seem to think it’ll be Obama as well.

                                Richelieu goes on with the painful truth:

                                The Huckabee versus Romney race is very tight. Caucus turnout could be low; under 78,000 and that would help Huckabee. The crossover for Obama hurts a regular Republican like Romney who needs all the non-Christian conservative votes he can get. No doubt Romney has gained a tremendous amount in last 30 days, but it may not be enough. Mitt’s troops in eastern Iowa are confident and feel they dominate. Operatives in west Iowa and Polk county are far more worried.

                                Aww…Tough break for the Republicans!!! When the conservatives in big media are chewin’ their nails, it doesn’t seem to be a Blue Red Ribbon season for the Republicans! (Should have thought off all that when they swiped our Habeas Corpus and urinated on our Constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy!)

                                Even Andrew Sullivan, America’s most famous gay conservative, has a cute little story of an Iowegian lass who flips over the Big “O”:

                                I am a 31 year old single, professional female, and Iowa native living in Iowa City. I will be a first-time caucus goer tonight. I switched my affiliation from Republican to Democrat only a couple months ago. After many months of being drowned in candidates here in Iowa (I think we ceased having real commercials on TV about a week ago, its been nothing but back-to-back political ads for days), I fully expected to feel relief that this day was finally here. More because I knew tomorrow all the incessant phone calls would stop (Mitt Romney’s campaign called once while I was listening to Obama speak) and life could get back to normal.

                                I was really surprised to find that when I woke up this morning and saw “Caucus” written on my calendar for today, I was actually excited. Excited to get to participate tonight. Excited when I came to work and found a decorated “O” cookie on my desk from a co-worker. Very excited to be among the very first in the nation to cast a vote for Barack Obama. The only other time I’ve ever been excited or optimistic about a candidate was for John McCain back in 1996, during his plaid shirt days, but even then I wasn’t motivated enough to caucus.asses of evil

                                And while Republican ooze channels its way through Iowa’s back roads and logging trails, the vaporous stench of corruption is leaking through the doors and crannies into the one room school houses where Republican caucusing takes place. The Brad Blog and Black Box Voting are stumping for attention on a few important messages:

                                The Iowa Republicans have NOT publicly agreed to promptly release precinct results for the Jan. 3 caucus. Instead, we are seeing bait and switch tactics, as they emphasize to caucus participants that the counting will be done in public at the precinct. While they keep your eye focused on the front end,housefly a switch can take place at the back end. When they release a total result to the media without releasing the individual precinct results at the same time, there is no way at all for citizens to confirm that their precinct results added up to the announced total.

                                Please CONTACT both the Iowa Republican Party and the Iowa Secretary of State to tell them you expect to see those precinct results published at the SAME time they announce the statewide total. Iowa Republican Party: (515) 282-8105 Iowa Secretary of State: 515-281-0145
                                515-281-7142 (Fax) sos@sos.state.ia.usGiuliani Smackdown

                                Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking too: “The Republicans are so corrupt, they’ll infiltrate their own caucuses.”

                                Rotten Rudy Giuliani’s campaign is quickly becoming the laughing stock of the entire Gee-oh-Peee. When everybody thought it was that Arkansas Governor-slash-Jesus-Idiot who ditched Iowegians last night to be on Jay Leno and scab the Writers picket-line who would be the biggest joke, Giuliani simply ditcheds the entire state!! John Marshall says it best (via Crooks and Liars):

                                In Iowa, where admittedly Rudy hasn’t made much of a run at it, he now appears on track to come in last place among the major candidates. And, to be clear, I’m here defining ‘major’ rather generously as including Ron Paul. In other words, sixth place.

                                In New Hampshire, Rudy is similarly dropping like a stone. He may still come in third ahead of Mike Huckabee, though they now seem to be roughly tied there.

                                Nationally, Rudy appears either tied with Huckabee or in a three or four way tie with Huckabee, Romney and McCain, depending on which of the very most recent polls you look at. And expect that number (to borrow the Army aphorism) not to survive first contact with his drubbing in Iowa and New Hampshire.

                                tsk tsk… Poor Rudy! By the time his buddy Bernard Kerik appears in court to stand trial for being a Major Douche-bag – His race will be..will be… Hell – it’ll be a bigger laughing stock than Alan Keyes’ ehem…”Presidential Campaign”. Black Garbage Fly Says the Carpet Bagger Report of the Rudy and the Iowa Republican caucus goers:

                                Then, of course, Republicans got a good look at the guy, heard what he had to say, learned about Giuliani’s background, and dropped him like a hot potato. His campaign pulled out of the Ames straw poll, and Giuliani’s support in the state has been in free-fall ever since.

                                Fred Thompson…And Fredrick of Hollywood Thompson’s campaign? How’s he been doing? Well, when they’re not leaving his campaign and giving him the finger, his campaign staffers are emailing GOP mooks everywhere and asking them to write letters to friends and family to vote for Thompson. (Because he’s way too tired to write each and every letter himself!) Presumably that Republican political activists are far too stupid to write a letter of support for Thompson’s campaign, his campaign staffers offer tips on how to write a letter, and some brilliant ideas to include in the body of the letter.

                                1. Write 5 or more brief note cards telling an Iowa voter why Fred was a wonderful Senator and why he will make a great President. Many Tennesseans have a personal story to share. Or, if you prefer, use one of the talking points listed below.

                                2. Suggested greeting: “Dear Friend” or “Dear Fellow Republican.”

                                3. Suggested closing:

                                I hope that when you make your important decision, you’ll realize, as I have, that Fred Thompson deserves your vote. Unlike some candidates, he’s a consistent conservative. He was a conservative when he represented me in Tennessee. He’s a conservative today. And he’ll be a conservative as President.

                                Oooo… It just warms the cauculs of my soul! I’m going to find my No. 2 pencil and my wide-margin tablet and get to work right now!

                                …And to think about the time when Chris Matthews goes on his show and gushes about how “sexy” Fred Thompson by imagining he smells like Old Spice and hot-Daddy musk oil. It makes you want to laugh until you accidentally leak out a little pee in your bloomers.

                                houseflyBut the best is for the last (of course!). And that’s when the founders of RedState, one of the Republican’s most popular blog, beats the shit out of the entire GOP line-up…Literally.

                                First: I have withheld any statement of support for any GOP Presidential candidate because it seemed like bad idea, as a Director of the site, to make such an endorsement, and — God, how I’ve waited to say this — because the whole damned lot can go to Hell. What an incompetent mass of horse rear-flesh bound up in what, on paper, is one of the most talented groups the GOP has ever had. I could go on, but the full thing is in my concurrently posted piece, And the horses you all rode in on, one at a time, then rotate.

                                Red State founder Thomas demonstrates that he holds a special “fondness” for Mittens Romney with this:

                                His freaking political campaign is a cult, and I could have been one of his supporters but for the cult he founded. A pox on everyone formally associated with the campaign, and indeed, everyone ever formally associated with that cult.

                                And he illustrates his “love” with this fabulous little nugget:

                                And yet, we’re probably stuck with you, because of the incredible incompetence of your opponents. On the Wonder Years, an otherwise awful and highly forgettable show, the narrator once noted that his parents faced a conundrum when deciding how to decorate the kitchen. Dad would insist on some tile he liked. Mom would insist on some tile she liked. They’d compromise on some tile no one in our species liked.

                                You are that tile, Mitt. You are the “Eh,” Candidate. Congratulations.

                                I just can’t catch my breath from laughing so hard. I think I’ve got some milk coming through my nose… That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard a Republican say or write in years!FruitFly 6

                                So get on out there Iowa!! Get those barns cleaned out, get those cows milked and somebody get those eggs picked! Get on your best gingham (blue if your a Democrat and red if your an Idiot), get that wagon hitched and go get Caucused!!!

                                Rudy Giuliani’s buddies begin showing up in jail

                                RudyBy way of Norwegianity, TPM Muckraker is running a story on a guy named Hank Asher who, it turns out ran cocaine out of Columbia into Florida back in 1980 and is a very close friend of Rudy…That is “Rotten Rudy” Giuliani.

                                “H.A.”, according to ABC, is Hank Asher, who did indeed own a data mining software company called Seisint at the time (more about that later). Asher himself is worth “north of $700 million,” based mostly on his success selling his data mining product, which is called Matrix (he’s since sold it to LexisNexis). And yes, he did smuggle cocaine from Colombia to Florida aboard his private jet for eight months in 1980 and 1981. But he says he paid his dues by cooperating with federal agents to stop other runners.

                                Hank AsherAsher appears in court in regards to an indictment against Orange County Sheriff Michael Carona on bribery charges.

                                Carona himself was once a rising star in the GOP, often mentioned as a potential candidate for lieutenant governor of California. Dubbed “America’s Sheriff” by Larry King for how he handled the 2002 hunt for 5-year-old Samantha Runnion’s kidnapper, he naturally endorsed America’s Mayor Rudy Giuliani for president. According to news accounts, he’s met Giuliani at least twice. He’s also chums with Bernie Kerik.

                                The base of the indictment? Here:Republican Elephant

                                The indictment alleges that Carona and five associates, including his wife (Deborah) and mistress (named Debra), accepted bribes and generally did what they could to get rich off Carona’s position ($700,000 in bribes and kickbacks).

                                Ahhhhh… Of course. Why would I think there wasn’t a “wench hiding in the pantry” for a story like this one? They’re all Republicans, so I should have known. Carona also had his top-aide, George Jaramillo’s sister-in-law, Erica Lynne Hill as his “snack on the side“.erica hill

                                “Mike [Carona] has betrayed George and me,” Hill said at the time. “He’s not a faithful person to any of his women, but I don’t want to publicly embarrass him now. He has a wife and a son. I just want everyone to get on with their lives.”

                                Jaramillo has been fired and indicted on the same line of charges, but Carona told a bunch of detectives in 2004 that he caught Erica Hill and Jaramillo having sex. Yeah, that’s Jaramillo riding the hobby-horse with his sister-in-law. Even though she denies the allegation, she did reveal to a grand jury that as a 15 year old, Jaramillo had molested her repeatedly who is 11 years older than she is.

                                What bothers Hill most now is Carona’s campaign to paint her as a woman prone to hurl wild, unfounded accusations. She wants the public to know she wasn’t the person who used his power to win sexual favors and then lie about it; she didn’t twice leak sex stories that have tainted her own image as well as Carona’s reputation as a “conservative Christian.” She is, in fact, the person who told me everything and then asked me not to reveal it—for fear that it would destroy Carona.nelson muntz

                                HAHAHAHHAH!! He’s a “conservative Christian.” What does that mean anymore?

                                According to grand jury records, Hill consented to Carona’s advances. The sex allegedly occurred in the sheriff’s truck, at his campaign offices, in his home and—as his unsuspecting son and wife stood nearby—in a hotel suite during his first inaugural party in 1999.

                                The Orange County Register has more on this story. Carona filed his “Not Guilty” plea on Nov 5 and his court date is on 12/18/2007.

                                The story is filled with lots of bling too. For example, Hank Asher shows up at Carmine’s in NYC and throws $100 bills at restaurant carolers, gives away two $15,000 Cartier gold watches, and apologizes to all of the guests at the restaurant for his boisterous party by picking up all of their dinner tabs on his black Amex.

                                Rizzolo and caronaHowever, the best website on this story is from the Laguna Journal. You’ll find tons of mugshot photos of the players, links connecting Hank Asher and Michael Carona to strip-club owners in Las Vegas who donated cash to Carona’s campaign.

                                According to Open Secrets,

                                Sheriff Michael Carona gave $1,000 to Republican Dana Rohrabacher (R-Huntington Beach) in 2004 and $1,000 to George W Bush.

                                “Henry” (Hank) Asher gave $950 to the National Republican Senatorial Committee in 1993.

                                Congressman Rohrabacher is all tangled up in this case against Carona as well. Jeffery Ray Nielson, a conservative political activist and associate of Rohrabacher, pleaded guilty to multiple felony of lewd acts with a 14 -year old boy and a 15 year old, even though Rohrabacher was stricken with a sever case of amnesia. Steven Maglivio of the California Majority Report says:

                                In 2006, Carona barely won the GOP endorsement for re-election as Sheriff. U.S. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, who praised Carona’s efforts to combat illegal immigration, helped put Carona over the top, and he won re-election.

                                You can watch a counter-campaign television ad by clicking here. Ralph Martin ran against Carona last year. He lost because Carona’s face is still on OCSD’s main website. Pretty rediculus considering Carona’s been stripped of his (Law Enforcement) National Security Clearance.

                                “The GOP is “Family Values” party in America!!” “Gays and lesbians are a “danger” to the American family!!” “Gay marriage threatens the ‘holy sanctity’ of marriage!” “The Republican party is the ‘Christian party’.” “RepublicansFruitFly understand and care for and will fight for the American family.”

                                Isn’t it nice? Isn’t it really nice to know that you’re *NOT* a Republican? Because if you were, you would have to identify with scum like these people!