Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Elephant Slide

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.FruitFly

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

A Fruit Fly Rant: An Excuse For Prosecuting Christians

RantConservative Christians have been claiming the “poor persecuted” gripe for years now. And, while they seem to completely empty on pointing out exactly when society actually persecuted them, they milk the mantra completely to death.

When I was a kid, I heard all of them. All of them! Let’s see if I can come up wit… Got it!

There was a time (when exactly is never clarified) when the king (which king?) ruled that Christianity was to be illegal. So this kind sent out his men and persecuted everybody who professed to be a Christian. The Royal decree proclaimed that not only Christians be persecuted, but their Holy Bibles were to be destroyed.

Well, then the king’s were coming to this village and this little old lady heard about the decree and knew her Holy Bible would be destroyed. So the old lady made a pie, and she tucked her precious Holy Bible inside of the pie and filled the rest of the space with her fruit filling.

So, when the men came into her home they searched everywhere for a Holy Bible but couldn’t find one. And the little old lady offered them a piece of her pie which they ate it with relish. Satisfied that the little old lady was not a Christian and she had no Bible, they left her house alone where she prayed and read her Bible in piece.

<yawn>

Complete rubbish. But, the opportunity of the prominent Christians in our society play the cliche at every opportunity.

Jerry Falwell – On the main page of his website you’ll find the phrase describing the contents of his propaganda piece “National Liberty Journal”:

Identify the key religious freedom cases of the day, as people of faith continue to be the most persecuted individuals in America..

Pat Robertson will fall over backward to tell you how horrible it is to be a Christian because they’re so persecuted.

The opposite is the true of course. Reverend Pat Robertson will be the first to push the call for the assasination of Hugo Chavez and US Supreme Court Judges. Oops….My bad. Robertson told his television audience that God told Pat that He would take care of Supreme Court judges on behalf of Pat Robertson. God does Pat’s bidding, you understand.

Tom DeLay. When he was forced to resign his position, he immediately jumped on the “poor persecuted Christian” routine and looked everywhere for support. He even managed to find a conference called “War On Christians” in March 2006.

Rick Scarborough, the convener of the conference said during the gathering:

“I believe the most damaging thing that Tom DeLay has done in his life is take his faith seriously into public office, which made him a target for all those who despise the cause of Christ,” Scarborough said, introducing DeLay on Tuesday. When DeLay finished, the host reminded the politician: “God always does his best work right after a crucifixion.”

The emphasis is mine of course. My question is “Who?”

Who are these people who “despise the cause of Christ”? Will this person please leave a comment and tell me about yourself and your organization?

I want to get to know if these alleged people who “despise the cause of Christ”. Do they have “meetings” and conventions where they scheme new ways to destory Christians? Where? May I sign up and attend such a conference?

…And exactly to what extent of their destruction is necessary? Do these “Christ-hating” people have conventions and conferences to discuss these issues? Could I please have some additional information on this?

How many Christians are there who are tucking their KJV’s into fruit-filled pies? And what kind of persecution are they suffering from? Is it like Bush water-boarding young Iraqi men?

St Pat “The Persecuted” Robertson said to Molly Ivins in 1993:

“Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It’s no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history.”

Saint Pat here claims that Christians are more persecuted that the Jews during the Holocaust! What did I miss? Where are these Christians being funneled into ovens and gassed to death? Where in America can I find that “Dachau” prison system? Is it right outside of St Louis somewhere?If these Christians are being so horribly persecuted, I say that we’re all wasting our time. Let’s “fix” them when they’re young! Face it, we’re obviously spending too much money to gas them in that American Dachau, and to throw them into jail, that costs money too!

Can we neuter this “Christian” trait? Can we identify the very DNA protein that makes them feel persecuted and we’ll be able to cure ourselves from this Christian “disease” garden variety g-nome?

Lonnie LathamLet’s begin persecuting them like they claim they have been all along! Let’s begin by finding a way to cure the wacked outSwaggartJesus Campers” while in-vitro. If we can find a genetic attribute before the Christian is born, tweak the gene and we can finally quit listening to them bellyaching once and for all! Let’s face it: We’ll be rid of the Gay Male Porn industry if we never had Ted Haggard’s out there yelling and screaming about all of this “persecution”. Lonnie Latham, senior pastor of the South Tulsa Baptist Church and senior executive of the Southern Baptist Convention wouldn’t be persecuted in jail right now if he would have been cured of his Christianity before he was born! Come to think of it, without Jimmy Swaggart, we would put a serious dent into the str8 female prostitution industry as well!

I can’t even be crafty enough to hatch such an idea. However, Reverend R. Albert Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, KY is crafty enough. The horribly persecuted Christian said exactly:

“If a biological basis is found, and if a prenatal test is then developed, and if a successful treatment to reverse the sexual orientation to heterosexual is ever developed, we would support its use as we should unapologetically support the use of any appropriate means to avoid sexual temptation and the inevitable effects of sin.”

That’s right. Mohler has decided that a.) Homosexuality is no longer a “choice”, but is instead “genetic” and b.) There is currently no “cure” for homosexuality, but when there is one, it should be used on unborn babies and we will once and for all wipe it off the face the Earth. Gay and lesbian people are nothing but God’s genetic flaws. As “Dr” Laura Schlessinger called gays “biological errors“, we can see that even the persecutic conservative Jews agree that homosexuality is genetic.

MeDr. Mohler said that he would be “unapologetic”. As well as he shouldn’t be. When we really and truly begin persecuting Christians like we should have been doing all along, we’ll see less and less of this depraved indifference towards each other.