John Ensign’s Parents Turned his Mistress into a Whore?!

They’re all so filthy these days, I’m havin’ trouble keepin’ up! So, Ensign is having this affair, and his parents, out of fear of soiling the family name, starts paying her to fuck him?

Paul Coggins, Ensign’s attorney, said in a statement that the senator gave Doug Hampton, Cindy Hampton and their two children gifts worth $96,000 and that “each gift was limited to $12,000.”

“The payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts,” Coggins said.

Coggins said that after Ensign told his parents about his affair with Cindy Hampton — who was an then a campaign aide — the senator’s parents “decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of longtime family friends during a difficult time.

What “Difficult Time” would that be? She’s banging their son for money and that’s a “difficult time”?!
Criminy!

What am I missing here?  Wasn’t Senator John Ensign supposed to be way high-up the food-chain for that pseudo-gay Christian “Promise Keepers” group? And yet, this is his THIRD AFFAIR!

I don’t understand it!

Pray to Jesus – “Please make me faithful to my wife!”

Find a woman to bang.

Pray to Jesus again – “Please make me faithful to my wife!”

Find another woman to bang.

Pray to Jesus again – “Please make me faithful to my wife!”

Find another woman to bang.

Get Parents to fork over $100,000 to keep her shut up.

Pray to Jesus again – “Please keep her shut up!”

What’s the point of belonging to Promise Keepers if you have absolutely no intention of being faithful to your wife anyway?!

And what has to happen for that wife of his to simply kick his nasty tired diseases-infected dick out of their bedroom? His wife is carrying the cooters of half the wait-staff at Hooters!

He’s had three affairs that he’s admitted to the public. He hasn’t told us about banging the entire cheerleading sqauds for eight NFL teams! Are you kidding me?

vomitAnd his ‘Rents pay her off to shut her mouth and “go professional”.

These Republicans complain about GLBT families! And they’re fucking faster than the colony of rabbits in my backyard!

And it’s illegal for people like me to get married. They’ve got laws on the books like DOMA to make sure that doesn’t happen. But for Republicans with chronic zipper-malfunctions – well, that’s just quite all right!

Minnesota Republicans Exposed

MNGOP3

MNGOP2US Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) spotted at bar drinking at MSP airport – probably drunk

I have it on a very reliable source deep within the Republican party that Norm Coleman is not only a drunk, he’s a mean drunk too. MRE source said while waiting forty minutes for his flight to take off, he watched the Senator slam seven Fuzzy Navels and six Cuervo shooters while swearing loudly at the waitress and yelling obscenities at her. At one point, Colement grabbed his briefcase and hurled it at an elderly passenger carrying a very nervous looking poodle.

Said the MRE source:

That guy’s drinking is completely out of control. He walked into the bar on the C Concourse and just walked around to all of the tables and emptied all of the peanut dishes into his suit pocket. He made a meal out of them while he sat and got completely #%$%-faced! I don’t even think the Senator had a flight he was waiting for! He just hangs out there and gets drunk!

The bar waitress also complained that he didn’t even leave a tip.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for photos of Norm Coleman passed out drunk in an alley sleeping in his own vomit.

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) failed math test in grammar school. Parents committed her to psychiatric treatment

The phone calls won’t stop here at Minnesota Republicans Exposed headquarters. Hundreds of GOP tattle-tales have left voice mail messages who remember Michele as a young girl living in Anoka. She also failed at Phys Ed in the sixth grade. Everybody seems shocked she even managed to graduated high school before giving birth to her third child.

One phone message said:

I’m not surprised Bachmann hates the gays so much. In high school, the gays were the only ones who wouldn’t have sex with her. Our 10th grade geometry teacher, Mr. Simms once called on Michele to answer a question and accidentally called her “Miss Thang”. He apologized and all…but everybody was laughing anyway.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for a thorough exam of the entire Bachmann clan.

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Norm Coleman (R-MN) has already launched attack ads on Al Franken. Everybody in the GOP agree: Norm Coleman is an *$%hole

Mike Ciresi has a new campaign out. It’s tasteful, powerful and it reminds Minnesota that he’s been here working for all of us. Al Franken meanwhile, has two videos out already. One is a cute ad that includes his grade school teacher, while the other features his neighborhood in St. Louis Park and just as tasteful.

Also noted has been Norm Coleman’s first ad of the political season. It’s a hate ad that attacks Al Franken for jokes he’s told about gays and abortion in the 70’s. Since rumors are already out about the Senator’s closeted homosexuality, the ads wreak of hypocracy.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon on more Norm Coleman’s hate campaign ads and his latest on his DWI case

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Ron Carey, MN GOP Chairman refused to submit to drug testing.

I had lunch with a young aspiring GOP activist who’s demanded the results of Mr. Carey’s urinalysis test. Over iced-tea sans a lemon-wedge, the MRE source who’s initials are “A.A.” and hails from Blaine, MN told me he’s actually sold marijuana to Mr. Carey during the Pretenders/The Who concert last winter.

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for an update on Ron Carey’s drug addiction problem.

by FruitFly | 0 Comments »

Still furious about losing Minn SB 25 to Kevin Dahle (DFL), Ray Cox and John Kline have formed an underground FIGHT CLUB in a network of church basements throughout the district. Jim Ramstad expected to heal just fine, and still not running for re-election

MRE has been told under the strictest confidence that the Republicans are still really mad about their loss in the SB25 election. MN GOP Chairman Ron Carey blamed John Kline’s religious nut-ball activists while Michele Bachmann has blamed the closeted homosexuals everywhere throughout the district.

Ray Cox told our MRE source:

“I’m not running for office as a Republican anymore. Those dudes are @$$holes. I don’t care what anybody says. Screw them.”

Evangelical churches have begun holding Fight Club “prayer meetings” in the basements everywhere throughout the district. Piles of cherry flavored Kool-Aid jugs are brought in along with ingenious cream-of-mushroom soup hot dish concoctions and are served generously with rolls and green Jello-O molds in between fights.

Bachmann, volunteering to be the half-naked chick who holds up the poster-signs declaring the match numbers has been met by boos and jeers from the GOP audience. Bachmann reportedly returns the boos and jeers by hissing at them, giving them the finger and in some cases, throwing the posters at them.

…Northfield police have busted four fights in the area and two churches have had to post bail to get their ministers out of jail.FruitFly 6

Please check back to Minnesota Republicans Exposed soon for an update on Fight Clubs and hot-dish casseroles being passed around the SB25 district.

by FruitFly | 8,925 Comments »

Redstate Continues to spit on Paulites

Ron Paul Foreign PolicyI actually like watching Republicans kicking each other in the groin. Seriously! It’s like watching Jackass, The Movie III. Better than watching Wee-Man go flying through a wall of florescent light-bulbs with a red -flare rocket strapped to his skateboard…

They hate Willard Romney. He’s a flip-flopper…unless you’re a southern conservative. In the South, he’s a Satan Worshipper, in spite of Bob Jones Jr. endorsing him long before Huckleberry became popular.

Rudy’s just a dirt-bag who uses tax-payer monies to use NYPD as bodyguards for the protection of his mistress and her family. But they don’t seem to care about government waste when it comes to adultry and New York’s finest. Rudy’s sins don’t qualify recognition with the “fiscal conservative” wig-wams, “religious conservative” wigwams or even “social conservative” wigwams. His children will have nothing to do with him and even his fucking priest has been charged with sexual assault.

Fred Thompson geeks are too stoned or far too strung out to know why they support that “Hollywood hunk”. Redstate just loves Grandpa Fred and the rest of Team GOP thinks Fred’s a lazy ass and he’s just in the way. They don’t kick out Fred Thompson geeks, even though Ron Paul gets a 10% better poll rating than Fred-Hollywood.

Personally, I think it’s nothing but GOP Hedonism. Pick on the punk because its easy to hate the skinny kid.

Example: Redstate beats up Ron Paul’s cheer-leading squad.

But I have never in my life witnessed the sort of zealotry that attaches some to Ron Paul.

Can anyone explain this to me? Why have so many otherwise sane-seeming people gone completely bug**** crazy over this flake?

I wasn’t just tossing a cheap joke into the last post. Seriously, honestly: Let us put aside indelicate questions about Ron Paul’s possible anti-semitism, racism, etc. Just let’s leave that be for a moment.

Can Ron Paul’s defenders please justify voting for a man who appears, based on the evidence, to be mentally unstable and haunted by a livable and low-grade, but quite real, case of paranoid schizophrenia?

“Who cares?” you say?

Ron Paul geeks; that’s who. Paulites.

Recently, Fox Noise kicked Ron Paul off their Weiner Roast Forum and the Paulites reacted…badly. In New Hampshire, they tracked down Sean Hannity, angry about being removed from the Weiner Roast. Instead of torches and pitchforks, the crazed Ron Paul mob chased “Sergeant Shultz” down the street equipped with hand-held GPS, IPODs, MP3’s, two Dell laptops and sixteen Sony digital video-cams.

Don’t believe me? Click my favorite link here:

frinkYou might remember, only three months ago – Redstate kicked out the entire Ron Paul cheer-leading squad because they were a.) lame and b.) had apparently seen more flying saucers than Dennis Kucinich on a clear day on the side of a rain forest mountain smoking hemp with Shirley McLain. Out of huge protest, Redstate capitulated and decided to let the rodents back into the rats nest. Once again, the Paulites were happy.

In today’s world; Redstate ridicules the Paulites and treats them the same way as their own King George used to blow up frogs with firecracker-enimas.

In the past twenty-odd years, it’s always been the GOP who’s been goose-stepping their way to Congress and it shows in their miserable success of der klitzeklein dummkopf, “King George”. This election cycle is different. This election year: Watching the GOP makes me want to sing Sondheim’sFruitFly 6 Send in the Clowns.

Don’t you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don’t bother, they’re here.

Rudy Giuliani had NYPD walk his mistress’ dog

Hippy RudyAhhh, nice… Rudy’s finest, NYPD, apparently was in charge of walking his mistress’ dog.

Aides dismissed questions about Nathan’s security detail as old news, since it was reported in 2001 that the NYPD granted her full-time protection that year after an unspecified threat was allegedly made against her. The detail was approved by Giuliani pal Bernard Kerik.

At the time, it was not uncommon to see Nathan being chauffeured around the city in an undercover Dodge with two detectives, who sometimes even helped to walk her dog.

As for the tickets, Carbonetti said they were “a token of goodwill from the city.”

The expenses were all paid with a City Hall American Express card funded with money from mayoral office units that had nothing to do with travel or security.

mosquitoThere’s a fine candidate for President of the United States. These Republicans have produced the scum of their monkey barrel and they’re proud of each and everyone of them.

Josh Marshall has a clearer list:

The Shag Fund not only paid for the 11 tryst visits to Hamptons.

— It paid for hotel and other expenses for mayoral aides — in addition to the security detail — who also went with the mayor to the Hamptons on the tryst weekends.

Nathan’s NYPD-chauffeured tripshousefly (without Rudy) to visit her parents in Pennsylvania, 130 miles outside the city.

— NYPD detectives and city-owned undercover Dodge to drive Nathan around the city.

NYPD detectives and city-owned undercover Dodge to drive Nathan’s friends and family around the city even when she wasn’t in the car.

— NYPD security detail for Nathan, personally approved by Bernard Kerik.

NYPD cops to walk Nathan’s dog.FruitFly 6

Rudy’s buddy Bernard Kerik’s next court appearance will be on January 26th. Perfect timing for a whole slew of presidential primaries throughout the United States within the next four weeks following.