Governor Gridlock: Is He Worse for the MN GOP Than We Thought?!

Pawlentys Meddling KidsGawds, do I love that nickname for Pawlenty: “Governor Gridlock. ” All that blustery show-offy crap while he whips out his “Veto Pen” and <pooof!>, he’s lost all of his friends.

That veto-pen wave may have been for his audition tape for “America’s Next Vice President.” But the governor will not be Sen. John McCain’s running mate. Here are some facts to help him get his mind back on his day job…

I had dinner with my folks last week. They’re both ultra-ultra-right wingers. Needless to say, it’s always an interesting conversation when politics are brought up.

Wayne Cox is the man I wished had joined me for that dinner.

• He brings zero promise of electoral votes to the ticket. Minnesota has not voted in favor of a Republican presidential candidate in 36 years.

• Pawlenty has helped turn Minnesota decidedly anti-Republican. When he took office, Republicans held 60 percent of the seats in the Minnesota House. They now hold 36 percent.

Hear Hear!!! That last election, he also lost all of the elected state officers chairs who were Republicans. i.e. That crazy wretch the Minn GOP loved so much named Mary Kiffmeyer. She was a trip without luggage. I thought she had to go when she tried to run off those college kids to keep them from voting and I thought: “There’s a good Nazi for you.”

• Pawlenty is turning suburban Republican legislators into an endangered species. How many more times can Gov. Gridlock ask the few remaining to vote against jobs and education and transportation solutions?

Mr. Cox; Governor Gridlock will have all of the fan-fare available to him as long as he thinks he’s popular. You have to remember, these are Republicans!! They are blameless! You can’t tell a Republican they’re “wrong”! They’re never “wrong”. How silly can you be?!?

saddle shoesThe Minnesota GOP gets all giggly-eyed when they talk about Pawlenty and they rock back and forth in their saddle shoes trying to convince themselves of the stupidest stuff about him.

My favorite: Since he’s national chair of the “Oldest Man in American History to Run for President” campaign, Pawlenty will be introducing the DC Republican “Politburo” to Minnesota cuisine like…”White Castle Hot Dish” and “Tater Tot Casserole”.

But Mr. Cox isn’t finished with “Governor Gridlock”:

The longer Pawlenty serves, the fewer Republican legislators serve with him. Prof. Larry Jacobs has described Pawlenty as “Clintonian” in his appeal: “It just drives Democrats crazy.” Actually, it just drives Democrats to the bank. Pawlenty is the gift that keeps on giving.

DFLers are now only five votes away from veto-proof majorities in both houses. In 2005, national political analyst Stuart Rothenberg was asked whether Pawlenty was a vice presidential possibility. He said: not after the state’s legislative election results.

That’s EXACTLY what I was saying to my folks last week! Pawlenty is the worst politician in Minnesota running right now. Thankfully, he’s a Republican and their arrogance knows no bounds.

Channeling Wayne

• But didn’t Pawlenty’s reelection in 2006 show he knows how to win in a Democratic year?

What he did was not exceptional at all. Thirteen Republican governors ran for reelection. Twelve won. While incumbent governors rarely lose, Pawlenty barely won. A third-party candidate siphoned off enough votes from solidly DFL districts to allow Pawlenty to squeak through. He is the only two-term Minnesota governor in 100 years to never win a majority.

If Pawlenty was as good as the GOP gushes, Pawlenty should have won handidly. Pawlenty’s didn’t run a good campaign, Mike Hatch ran a crappy one! (Like that running-mate of Hatch’s, Judi Dutcher who went blabbering on about how she didn’t know anything about ethenol. Duh! The next thing to come out of Judi Dutcher’s mouth was: “When I go to college, I want to be a veterinarian because I love children…”)

• But isn’t Pawlenty popular?

He is, but he can’t deliver votes for McCain. In the Minnesota caucuses, Mitt Romney trounced McCain, and the Obama tsunami outpolled McCain 10 to 1. If Pawlenty can’t get votes for McCain in Minnesota, where can he?

That’s a “No-Brainer”. And Pawlenty couldn’t get votes out to elect one of his own State Senator in Northfield either!

• Couldn’t Pawlenty just say, “Minnesota is a great state and I’m the guy who leads it”?

Minnesota is a great state. But by most measures it has become less great since Pawlenty took office. He is the only Minnesota governor in recent history to see the state’s unemployment rate go above the national average.

No kidding! …And he’s the only Minnesota governor to let his citizens be killed by an inept Transportation Commissioner who runs MN DOT with bubble-gum wrapper and a paper-clip dispenser!

• McCain needs to shore up support from the right. Wouldn’t anti-tax Pawlenty fill the bill?

No. The Huckabee holdouts are evangelicals. If McCain uses the running-mate spot to draw them in, he has to name someone from their camp.

huckleberry-hound-cartoons.jpgThis is another no-brainer. Huckleberry Hound is going to stay in the race all the way up to the Convention in St Paul if he can. Huckleberry, as he said the other day on Meet the Press: “I didn’t major in mathematics, I majored in miracles!” And that’s why Huckleberry Hound is staying in this race: He’s waiting for archangels to come flying out of his ass!

Most speculation points to a Southern governor or senator. The Southern governor who has appeared on TV standing at McCain’s shoulder the nights of his recent primary victories, Charlie Crist of Florida, best fits the bill. Crist has already helped McCain win the Florida primary. He is a young, congenial moderate who works well with his Legislature and gets things done. Just this month, his property tax reform referendum was approved by voters by the 60 percent margin needed. He’s an achiever who helps his party win. Pawlenty is a roadblock who helps his party lose.

I would probably disagree with Crist as a running mate for McCain. There are tons of speculation about Crists’ homosexuality and he’s virtually unknown in American public politics. The Governor of Mississippi, Haley Barbour (R-MS), comes to my mind as a person who’s a much better candidate. He’s part of George W. Bush’s Good Ole Boy network and the’ve recovered from Hurricane Katrina quite nicely!

FruitFlyWayne Cox’s last paragraph:

What should Pawlenty do? [TERMINATE CAROL MOLNAU IMMEDIATELY!!] There’s always 2012. He should follow the lead of successful Republican governors like Crist and build a record of results. Start this session by signing into law those solutions that would help put Minnesota on track and help take Minnesota Republican lawmakers off the endangered species list.

3 Responses

  1. Oh, you are on a roll. Pawlenty is going to be looking for bug spray to keep you away.

  2. Let’s bring back Jesse Ventura.

  3. Jesse Ventura is more poppelor than Tim pawlenty.

    Come back Jesse. All is forgoten.

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