The Shame of the Republican of Texas

Good evening. Welcome to FFN news and I am Frizzie McBee.Frizzie McBee

In today’s news, the Republic of Texas has seceded from the United States out of pure embarrassment over President George W. Bush and others. The measure flew through both the Republican controlled House and Senate by a very large majority.

For more on this surprising move, Reporterwe head on out to our political field reporter Jim Hatair.

Hello Jim! We’ve heard that Texas has always held that they have the right to secede from the Union, but is anybody shocked that they actually have?

Hello Frizzie and no there isn’t! The Republic of Texas, willTexas Map begin it’s autonomy as a sovereign country beginning tomorrow at twelve noon and the rest of the people of the United States country couldn’t be happier!

With George W Bush’s lowest popularity in United States history, the State of Texas had decided to secede from the United States with a very bruised ego and very embarrassed (former) United States President.. With only 33% of Americans approving of the President’s handling of his job, his wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, bankrupt federal government, chaotic Homeland Security and chronic drinking, the people of the Republic of Texas have decided to apologize to the rest of the United States and take back their favorite Son back to Texas and leave once and for all. Since the President is too intoxicated to know what’s going on, he’s returned to playing putt-putt golf in the Rose Gardens in the back of the White House.

While it is correct that Texans have long held the belief that they can secede from the United States anytime they want, they’ve never really carried through with the threat until now.

News AnchorExcuse me Jim! Frizzie here! Isn’t that belief just simply a myth? What I mean is; if a person got technical, any state in the Union could secede at anytime, thereby making the original Texan thought of secession being nothing more than a joke on their own selves?

Absolutely Frizzie, however – Texas has finally demonstrated that it actually could be done! You may remember that TexasTexas Embassy was an independent country between 1836-1845. Mexico claimed Texas as their own until Texas seceded and went on their own. In fact, the Republic of Texas back then, even had their own Embassy in both London and chuckie monkeyParis. Since Texas couldn’t manage their money and went into a chaotic bankruptcy, the United States admitted the country into the Union and paid off their debt. The ironyhereFrizzie is that back then, Liberal Blue State folks from the Minnesota, Michigan, Illinois and Maine watched these Rednecks err… Texans take nine very long years before realizing that they were incapable of managingthemelves and the Liberals offered to bail them out of their misery…Something the Liberal Blue State folks aren’t willing to do again today. By the way; it has only taken 5 years for the people of the rest of the United States to realize that this particular Texan can’t lead the country!

Texans, being too proud and ungrateful for what thedino golf United States has done for them back then, has finally realized that George W. Bush is the United States biggest acne inflammation of the face of the country. Even Texans have finally begun to realize the embarrassment. In the midst of all of this controversy, George W Bush hasn’t left the White House and continues to mumble incoherently while trying to get his golf ball into the giant dinosaur’s mouth.


Thanks Jim, I want to turn now to FFN’s political analyst, Dick Dock who’s in Madison, Wisconsin to get a reaction to the news. Dick?

dick dockYes, Frizzie and thank you. The rest of the United States seems to be very excited about this news from the opportunity to not only get rid of Bush, but also to get rid of the pathetic Lone Star State.

Let’s face it, Texas has the worsttexas children educational system in the entire country, second only to Alabama and Mississippi. It’s glaringly obvious that the people of Texas apparently don’t care about the problem. Yet it is a problem for the rest of the United States and here’s why; These poorly educated people get together, have children in their own trailer-parks, go through the same education system and the problem becomes a sort of a cyclical “social-cancer” reflecting on the rest of the population of the United States!

Barely 20% of the population even bothers to vote in Texas (Democrats that is, the Republicans aren’t lazy at all down there!). Yet the Democrats are the loudest cry-babies in the country!! For example, the Democrats in the Texas legislature had left the State out of protest and moved into hotel rooms in Oklahoma and New Mexico when upset about their Republican counterparts who began gerrymandering districts.

There’s virtually nothing to see in Texas aside from green swampy river in downtown San Antonio and the Johnson Space Center in Houston. The best city in Texas seems to be Austin, the only area that voters are obviously and solidly Democrat. And yet the town is filled with filthy law-breaking bribing, Indian-Stealing, good-old-boy-network Republicans!

In another perspective, with the people of Texas leaving the US and finally become their own country, it allows for a increased of respect towards the Federal Government for Americans again! For example, the United States can finally get rid of people like Tom Delay,Kay Bailey Hutchison, George H.W. Bush, Barbara (“Quaker Oats Grandma”) Bush, Karl Rove, Lee Harvey Oswald, Lyndon Baines Johnson and “Mommy Dearest’s”Joan Crawford.


Thanks Dick! Ahhh… With Texas becoming an autonomous country again, isn’t there a danger that they’ll repeat the same fiasco they had the last time? If they’reincabable of governing themselves, won’t we be simplyrepe…

Quaker OatsYes of course, Lizzy. But, they’re Texans! If ever there was a definition of O. Henry’s idea of a “Banana Republic”, it would be Texas! Like the Mexican government,Beeyotch the Texas Elite could care less about the lower and middle class and expect these groups to support them and their ostentatious lifestyles! Consider Barbara (Grandma) Bush’s quote when seeing Katrina Survivors being given shelter at the Houston Astrodom: “Almost everyone I’ve talked to says we’re going to move to Houston.” Then she added: “What I’m hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. “And so many of the people in the arena here, you now, were underprivileged anyway, so this–this (she chuckles slightly) is working very well for them.”

texansIn an other area the rest of the country is excited about is the fact that they no longer have to listen to stupid Texas idiots droning on and on about how they “don’t really” have to be a state in this country. Nor do they have to remember all about the Alamo and a bunch of other fairly boring bits of Texas history. Let’s be realistic here – the war at the Alamo versus the Battle of Little Bighorn! Even George Custer’s history in relation to the Battle is more interesting Tennessee’s native son Davy Crockett’s association to the Alamo!

Over all, the rest of the United States seems to be excited over the idea to finally get rid of the Republic of Texas once and for all. Now, Texans can concentrate on hating their own children and their own neighbors and the rest of the United States can finally move on without them. Lizzie, back to you.

Thanks Dick!


Finally, an in-depth look at the people of Texas, we’ve taken another minute of your time with Jo-Beth Stewart! Jo-Beth! Can you tells us a little bit about these former Americans?

Why Hi Shug!! Yes I can! First of all…We ain’t Texans no more. Let’s get that cleared up right nah. We’re gonna be callin’ ourselves “Texians” from nah on. Ya see? We’ve been mispellin’ “texans” all these years but we’re gonna be spellin’ as “Texians” from now on!!

Nah…I’m in the back yard with Leon and Donny-Paul who are playin’ toilet-seat horseshoes and they gots loads more ta-tell us! Excuse me fellas..!! “Hi again” Donny-Paul! Would you two answer a few questions for Fruit Fly News? Would you care totellFFN what ch’all gonna do when Bush gets home in Crawford tomorrow?

toiletseat horseshoes
Welp, first thing I’m a gonna do it kick him in the butt! Dang fool mad us all look like a bunch of jackasses!

And you Donny-Paul! What’chew gonna down when Bush gets to Crawford?!

SHOOT! First thing I’m gonna do is pack up that Cindy Sheehan and kick that Yankee on outta here! Ah think I’d like to take that out militia-style an clear out all of these Yankees out of da Republic of Texas. …Dang Yankees!

C’mon Leon…let’s get back to the toilet-seats…

Thankee y’all! You see Frizzie! Most Texians are excited about gettin’ rid-a Yankee’s and da Mexicans, them depraved ho-mo-sexuls and them Jewwz and them nappy-haired colerds. We’d been havin’ the opportunity of a life-time here an we ain’t a-gunna screw it all up like we did back in the 1800’s!

Lemme read something to you Frizzie!

Excuse me Jo-Beth, are you telling me that you can read?

Why shore I can! My Mammy taught me when I was 18! So now listen to this Frizzie… This what us Texians are gonna be looking at come tomorrah…

Redneck DogWe are open-minded, but our goal is not to sink into the depraved clinicism of modernity or its equally repugnant cousin, the moral neutrality of post-modernism: giving up on rationality itself. Our belief is that diversification of central command provides for more power in local government, and thus competition between different sets of laws. We’ll see who comes out ahead, when we can each have a chance to live by our unique codes of values.

So as you can see Frizzie…We’re all gonna be a whole lot happier once we finally become free Texians!

Something else to note while we set up our country of heterosexual white-only pure-blooded Texians…thar’s a huge movement going on to begin to finally celebrate those State…err.. Republic of Texas holidays! So, Ah brought alongalistofnewholidaysthatyouprolly never heard of!


To promote the celebration of Texas Honor Days: Lamar Day, January 26; Texas Statehood Day, February 19; Texas Independence and Flag Day, March 2; Alamo Heroes Day, March 6;Goliad Heroes Day, March 27; San Jacinto Day, April 21; Texian Navy Day, the third Saturday of September; Gonzales Day, October 2; Stephen F. Austin’s Birthday, November 3, and Founders Day, November 6.

So as you can see Frizzie! We’z gonna be just fine down here as Texians and we feel we’ll be loads better without the rest of the United States!

Thank you Jo-Beth, great story.

Lady AnchorWe’d like to thank the people of Texas for their rich and albeit pathetic history. I’m sure I would be in the majority by saying the United States won’t miss Texas…er “Texians” Just as we are certainly not going to be missing that horribly embarrassing George W Bush.

And I’d like to thank y’all…err…Thank you all for watching FFN news tonight. My name is Frizzie McBee and this has been a news-cast from Fruit Fly News. Good night and be well everybody!

The Fruit Fly

Terror In the Skies; Part Deux

Frizzie McBeeGood Evening, welcome to Fruit Fly News, I’m Frizzie McBee. In today’s headline news, President Bush and Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has raised the Terrorist Threat Level to Volcano Red, the highest level allowed. After discovering that people are carrying liquids that can be mixed with other liquids which could produce an explosive device, All airline passengers are required to board the aircraft completely void of all liquids.

President Bush and Secretary Chertoff, neither of whom have been on a commercial airliner since before 9/11, appear to be the only exemptions to their new ruling and requiring all Americans to be terrified of these terrorists. The ruling includes all liquids including a Catholic priests Holy Water, contact lense solution, toothpaste, mascara and apparently all forms of …urine and blood?!

For more of this fascinating report, we go to our InvestigativeScoop Cooper Field Reporter; Scoop Cooper who’s already at the airport trying to catch a flight to Atlanta, Scoop?

Hello Frizze, and yes that is correct. You are no longer allowed to carry any liquids on your person whatsoever while boarding a plane. The fear is Frizzie, that if someone mixed gasoline with blood, it could make quite a dangerous explosion!

SurgeryNeedless to say, this has caused the lines at the airport to increase twenty-fold and all scheduled flights are posponed until a week from next Tuesday. So, after I’m finished giving blood here, I will be going into surgery and having my bladder removed so that I have no urine in me either. Frizzie?

Thanks Scoop! One quick question however… “Why worry about blood and urine and why not simply look for those chemicals that are a basis of being turned into an explosive substance? It seems rather…

Scoop CooperFrizzie… Frizzie! Yes, I understand it sounds rather unorthodox, but let’s remember – this country is at a war with terrorism and our Commander in Chief is protecting us from terrorists. Speaking against the Commander in Chief, as you know, is completely forbidden, and since he is our “Decider”, that has been the Decider that he’s made for all of us!

Thank you Scoop, of course – you’re correct. It just seems to be rather extreme measure to be taken to avoid having an incident on an airline.

Yes Frizzie and it’s important to realize that this isn’t just a whim The Decider has chosen for us. In fact, I am told that once my blood has been depleated from my body, it will be stored and used to re-introduce to some passenger coming into our fair city of Minneapolis St Paul! Once again, our President is revealing how incredibly intelligent he is… and how much he cherishes life.

Of course Scoop and thank you for that fascinating report. Frizzie McBee My best wishes for you on the upcoming surgery.

While all of us as citizens who are at War with Terrorists everywhere, we have learned that the Bush Administration is also changing the rules for those terrorists who attempt an airline jacking while in the air. For more on this report, we go to our field reporter, Buddy Weiser. Buddy, what can you tells us about this new ruling with the FAA?

skydiver 2Hello Frizzie! Yes! I’m free-falling from Northwest Airlines flight 284 from Los Angeles International where I demonstrated a typical terrorist behavior to see if the new FAA ruling is true! Sure enough…after I pulled out a small vial of gasoline, found a Dixie cup in the lavatory and mixed with with some of my urine…a flight attendant quite literally, threw me out of the plane!

Buddy! That’s terrible! Are you sure you’re alright? I’m very upset about this news! Are you okay?!

I’m fine Frizzie! No worries, I packed a chute down the crotch of my pants and I should be just fi… skydiver engine

Buddy?! Buddy!! Buddy…Can you hear me?!

Frizzie McBeeOh dear, we seem to be having difficulties… When we’re able to re-connect a communications link with Buddy, we’ll get more information on his story there.

In the meantime, the Bush Administration has pointed out that it is his belief this new revelation of Al Qaeda Terrorists attempt to blow up more airplanes is directly connected to the Connecticut primary elections earlier this week where we saw Senator Joe Lieberman loose. President Bush’s press secretary Tony Snow, quickly produced a photo of people who they suspect is a terrorist.

Mr. Snow said and I quote; “If you see a person that looks likeTerrorist this at an airport, the President strongly recommends that you contact the authorities immediately. You’re urine and blood will be removed and you’ll be released to be on your way, but we’d really appreciate it if you would be diligent by looking for anybody that looks like this.”

Ann Coulter RacistIn other news, political pundit Mann Coulter is still a stupid racist transexual. Just recently, the Log Cabin Republican party of Washington DC has elected Mann Coulter to be their new national president. When asked when Mann Coulter’s final surgery would be complete and she would be a fulling function atomoton, Mann said; “I have my Adams Apple in my neck removed next week, but only after all the of the hospital staff has been examined for any Darkies.”Frizzie McBee

Thank you for watching FFN news, I am Frizzie McBee. Have a very Terrified Night…May God save your souls.

The Fruit Fly

Tea and Cookies

fortuneteller.jpgYou are here Darling!! I am so happy you are here.. Come in! Please Come in!! I have been some making za tea…would you like zum tea too Darling?! Please! Join me in zum tea… I vill read your leaves for free!! Yes!

Okay… Zeh spirits! They have been telling me so much dat is going on Daling…Zo much! I have lots to tell you… Zer. Drink that tea, it is zo very hot now. Zucker?! No?! Okay then… Let’s get to verk on ze creestal ball, and zen I vill read your tea leavez…..

Okay silence now! …and let ze spiritz communicate through me… I zee in ze ball.. it is clearer now… ah… yez…

Dees “Leeberman” perzon, he loozes ze election and then he sayz, “No! I vill NOT Looze!” so he decides to fight his friendzSore Looberman who like him for eighteen yearz. Diz is … how you say… “Ze..Dieztiech!! Err… Ze Stoopid!” It est very sad and stoopid.” An then everybody leaves him and all of them…zey say; “Ah! You no like us! You go away now!” Everybody sayz dis except ze Diezt.. err.. Boosh. Ze Rove-Boosh, he callz de Leeberman and Rove coverhe zays: “Ze Boosh-Boss vill help you be mean to your faithful friendz of ze past eighteen yearz! We promise success! Joy and ze comfort!

And Ve vill be your friends from now on!!

” Zo! My cryeestal ball sayz dat Leebman-Stuph vill do az dey say about his old friends! And he vill… “Cut! And Run!”

And zen, ze Leeberman vill understand why ze Rove-Boosh is called ze, err, how you say, ze “Poopie Flower”.

Now it is important Dahling..ze spiritz are zaying dis too!

“Madam Bushka! Madam Bushka! You must tell zem about zee Boosh-Booh and ze MeedleBush Dumb East!!” And so I tell you. Now listen to me closely Dahling…

One! Ze Boosh-Boosh…. He and everybody zay “No More Syria in Lebanon!!” and zey kick out ze Syria!

Almost two yeers ago! They say “No”! And ze Syria leaves! No?

Of course not! Are you Boosh-Boosh?!

Two! Ze Boosh-Boosh, he goes off and he forgets ze people of Lebanon and goes back to his sand-pit in Iraq. Boosh-Boosh, he shakez his fist at ze people of Iran! And he screams and threatens ze people in Iran.

And zen, while he is ignoring ze Lebanon….Ze Hezbullah people…they come into ze Lebanon and then they pick on ze Isrealees. Now, Dalink.. Zee Boosh-Boosh he say; “Oh! Ve vill fix des! And ve vill fix dat!” he says. “Ve vill make it all better!” he says. But he ist all alone! Do you understand des?! You zee vhat ze spirits are trying to tell you? What he sayz he vill fix… he make vorst…and ze rest of ze world…zey hate us vorst. And des is vhy he is a bad man, No?

Now I know you want to go and I haf taken too much of your time…

A cookie?! No?! They’re wonderful!
I am sorry. I promised that I vould read your leavez… Please! Give me your cup cup! Please!

Ahhh…. You have veddy unusal reading… hrmmm…. ahhh! hannity sucks

Well !! Madame Bushka can tell you now!

You’re fortune iz Dis! And you vill pay attention to Madam Bushka closely… Yes?
You vill pay a price for your arrogance by re-electing this Idee-ot Boosh-Boosh! And you will be decided by ze big oil companies and it will be decided at your peril!

Ze oil company sayz “I made a boo-boo! I have to clean dis mistake up! It’s horrible!”. Zen…the rest of the oil companies say: “OH! I too!! Iprayers have paid a horrible price for giving you my oil!!! I must shut down now and follow your strick laws on ze environment!” It ist the Greed that you will have to fight! And it is da same cancer you vill have to destroy in order to survive!

Now ze spiritz have left me. Please see my daughter outside… She vill take care of ze bill with you.

Hello! Oh so wonderful to see you!!! You’ve brought your new baby-daughter vhich you!!! Oh…How beyooootiful she is! Hello my darling!! Hello!

Please come in… I have Much to tell you… Yes ! Yes! Of course she can come in too.. what a beoootiful child! …Oh she ist so darling..! I have cookes and zom tea for us! Would you like? Yes?!!? Let’s go in and be comfortable….Madam Bushka loves to share zom tea with a cookie, yes?!?

The Fruit Fly.

Bye Bye Birdie…

Abramoff Friends
Parting is such sweet sorrow…. I have found this short little YouTube link to help with the background music while you’re reading this. Okay?! So click the YouTube icon and YouTubeyou can watch Ann-Margaret and come back to sniffle and cry along with me. No, flowers aren’t necessary…because none of them are dead yet, but at least one of them is looking forward to the next conjugal-visit.

So, who are these fine looking gentleman?

On the left there, the looking like he’s got a codpiece stuffed down his drawers is Jack. He’s a thief. He deals exclusively with Republicans and rips off Native American Indians. So in a way, he steals from the less fortunate and gives abundantly to the fortunate! Don’t worry about him…he’s now in jail and his cellmate is a nice gentleman named “Grand Master Mr. B” and other jailmates say the “B” stands for “Big”, if you know what I mean.

Okay, now the guy next over there in the back, that’s the Help. Never mess with the Help, so we’ll leave him be right where he is now.

Now the guy next over to the right there is another alleged thief! His name is Ralph. His friends and colleagues were saying that he is definetely going to President of the United States one day. But, that’s also doubtful because now his political career is completely bombed after trying to run for Lt General in Georgia. You see…Ralph and Jack are really good friends. Only Ralph the former leader of the Konservative Kristian Koalition until it went bankrupt started playing copy-cat with his buddy Jack and found a lot of fun in ripping off Native American tribes. (Well, that’s what they allege and what they’re investigating… So we’ll know for sure when the judge finally drops the gavel.)

The next guy is named David. He’s also a thief, a liar and a filthy Republican. He has been found guilty of all kinds of things, including lying to the Prosecution of his case about papers and logisitics. He’ll be sentanced in October of this year, so he’ll probably be going to jail right after that too.

The last guy in our “family photo” here is named Bob. He’s a filthy Republican Congressman from Ohio who’s still under investigatin for a wide range of charges. So, Bob here hasn’t said “Bye Bye Birdie Bye Bye” yet… But today he stepped down from his post and and said that it’s because his family is a wee bit stressed out. (Well…sort of.) His actual words were; “Ultimately this decision came down to my family. I must think of them first, and I can no longer put them through this ordeal…

Okay so we have a photo on-hand for the extended family available. Please notice Satan, the King of Darkness still on the plane at the top of the stairs?

Abramoff Scottland
Out of respect to the victims in this horrific story… Let us remember something clearly; This is the same group of gentlman along with Tom Delay and others, who were involved with a sweat-shop in Siapan, Micronesia. These gentleman played a part in conning poor woman from Asia to “come to America” where they arrived on Siapan and shoved into sweatshops. And…let’s remember everybody, that if any of those women were pregnant…they were FORCED to have an abortion. We can have sympathy for the Native American tribes who are once again conned by stupid White Boys, but let’s also remember the women in Micronesia.

So, Bye Bye Birdie…Bye Bye, indeed. Over and over the American people see what kind of filth the Grand Ole Party has produced. While they brag that Abraham Lincoln was the founding father of their party – they sure know how to embarrassed their Daddy with that whole “Honesty” thing. Cheeze! And Ann-Margret is just plain Sexy as all get out too! What a great song… Thanks guys! Bye Bye Birdie!
The Fruit Fly


Frizzie McBeeHello. We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming in order to bring you this special news bulletin. My name is Frizzie McBee and this is FFN news.

Today at the San Diego Zoo, Simba, the male African lion was caught eating one of his own cubs. Samba, the female who’s recent birth produced a rare litter of three cubs were brutaly killed today by their father.

“It’s a rare event it the Lion Kingdom” said the lions’ handler Mandy Pocktman. “Usually, the female will protect the cubs, but not always.”

While it’s unfortunate, our sympathies go out too the Zoo staff and the patrons of the San Diego Zoo.

In related news, The Republican party has all but chewed up Congresswoman Katherine Harris and rejectedKathrine Harris her like she’s a bad disease.

On May 7th, the FL GOP president sent a letter to Congresswoman Harris stating that she was far too insane to be an intelligent senator and they would no longer be supporting her.

For more on this story, we go to Peter Petters who’s in Sarasota, FL at this very minute. Peter, what have you got to add to this startling new revelation?

weather guy hurricaneYes Frizzie! A lot of interesting events happening here at Ms. Harris’ campaign headquarters! First, is the revelation that Congresswoman Harris is under investigation by the Dept of Justice for taking illegal campaign contributions! In other related news, Governor Jeb Bush, President Bush’s younger brother has told Katherine Harris that although he and the entire Bush Family appreciates Ms. Harris’ election-rigging in 2000, but that her services are no longer of interest.

cruellaCongresswoman Harris’ gave a speech today where she received a standing ovation from her audience after a rousing speech blaming the liberal media for not paying enough attention to her. The audience jumped to their feet for a rousing applaus… all 27 of them.

Meanwhile, Congresswoman Harris’ campaign staffers keep leaving their posts to get more lucrative jobs at McDonalds and Burger King. Today, Jeremy Fairley, allegedly took a job at Perkins Restaurants, while Kristy Hedrick and Ashley Fishborn both allegedly took embarrassing positions as cashiers at McDonalds and Kristin Cochran allegedly has a new job installing bicycle inner-tubes on antique Schwinns bicycles.

I talked to all four of them and each left for the same reasons. They all allege that Ms. Harris has a severe case of Halitosis.

“Ms. Harris said I could make money for college if I folded envelopes. But, that was whenbad breath she was obviously using breath mints. Because now, when I do something wrong, she yells and screams for an hour. It isn’t her yelling and throwin’ a tantrum or nuthin’, it’s her breath! It’s like smelling rotting fish on the beach!

Ms. Harris, being devoured by Republicans, is now being devoured by attorneys. This is Peter Petters of FFN News. Back to you Frizzie!

Frizzie McBeeThank you Peter! …It’s a lot of blood-shed going on. While we apologize for talking badly about a Republicans or the Republican Party. We have received special permission from the Oval Office Department of Censorship. And, we at FFN recognize that speaking poorly of any Republican or any ongoing investigation against a Republican is strictly forbidden, highly unusual, and we wanted to point out that we did receive a special permit to run this story.

Lastly to note is this stunning report: The Republicans are flocking to support Democrat Senator Joe Lieberman.

Today, Vice-President Dick Cheney, President Bush and former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan all gave high praise to Senator Leiberman’s work as a politician, and even sexier man that appears on television.

Bush Kiss“He’s mega-Hot!” said President Bush. “Jeff and me with Jeff Gannon in order to spend more intimate time with Joe!” Other Republicans have expressed their lust for Senator Lieberman. Congressman Chris Shays (R-CT) said; “Joe?! Oh man…he’s really hot! That skin underneath his neck on most men is just gross. But with Joe Lieberman, it’s just downright sexy! Anybody who doesn’t vote for Lieberman are just plain crazy!”

Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman stated publically that he has invited Senator Lieberman with an intimate dinner for two in a swanky restaurant in New Haven. “I’ve been trying to dive into his pants for years now… He just won’t break his relationship with President Bush. It’s a shame too..Senator Lieberman is one of the sexiest men alive!”

SatanMeanwhile, Pat Robertson of the 700 Club supports Senator Lieberman’s career as a politician and as a very sexy man and has offered to marry the Senator and the President in Massachusetts. “Since I am an ordained minister, I would be flattered to marry the two favorite men in my life.”

Disgraced Congressman Tom Delay has also expressed his love for Senator Lieberman, calling him “one of the sexiest men alive in politics today.” Meanwhile in the Media Industry, everyone seems to agree with Delay‘s opionion about Senator Lieberman being extremely sexy. Sean Hannity and David Horowitz and Bill O’Reilly all have expressed their love and support for the Senator-Presidential love-couple. Sean Hannity even took the time to say; “I dont know…I just think he’s plain sexy!” David Horowitz expresses a great deal of excitement over Joe Lieberman’s physique and sexy-body. “If I could get my hands on that man….” and he follows up the sentance by licking his lips slowly. Even the Washington reports that the “[White House] The administration, on the other hand, can’t stop gushing over Lieberman.”

While there has been speculation that Senator Lieberman is in reality, a bi-sexual, many have disagreed and have applauded his public position toward his sexuality and being an obvious.
In the meantime, Wal-Mart in corporate headquarters has offered to supply all of the wedding materials for the happy couple if they choose to get married in the liberal blue state of Massachusetts.

Lastly, we wanted to let you know that President of CEO of FFN news, The Fruit Fly, isFruit Fly recovering well from his heartattack last March. The Fruit Fly, America’s favorite homosexual, has been excercizing regularly with rollerblades and his propellor beanie while leering suggestively at men jogging along the same bicycle-pathways and are shaking their hairy-man-boobs.

That’s all the news. My name is Frizzie McBee. and we bring you back to our regularly scheduled program already in progress…We thank you for tuning into FFN News Network… The Only News You Need to Know!

Good night!

The Fruit Fly

> * <

Peace, Love and Happiness in DC


Michael Brown (Former FEMA Goof-Ball that killed thousands of southern Louisianans and Mississippians) gets interviewed in Playboy magazine and tells this story about he and our very own “Brooklyn, NY Import”, Sen Norm Coleman (R-MN). Apparently, both of them are worth considering little children that are fighting in public.

Coleman: “You’re a Jerk!”

Brown: “Huh?! How so?”frick and frack

Coleman: “Well..I’m not taking the time out to explain it to ya…But…But…You’re just a jerk!”

Brown: “Yeah?! Well..Well… Screw you!

…Cheeze-n-Crackers Dudes… You’re both Republicans! Who’s calling the kettle black?!?!

Well, okay… Since I might be accused of embellishing this story, I’ll cut and past the actual words Brown said:

…If you don’t have the guts to sit there and listen to my response and ask me questions about my leadership, then screw you!

Such horrible mudslinging going on with these Republicans! Good golly! What’s a body to do?

The Fruit Fly (who’s laughing his little butt off!)

Late Night Reading With A FruitFly


The American Taliban

Browsing your friend’s blogs and web-sites reap continued benefits. My friend Mooster has this one after his Blog-Host system crapped all over his entire system and now he has to rebuild everything from scratch. This is his first page that’s back up on the ‘Net. Thanks mooseandsquirrel! You’re the best!!

California’s 50th District Not Quite Won

EXCLUSIVE: ELECTION CONTEST TO BE FILED IN BUSBY/BILBRAY RACE MONDAY MORNING!! I think Brian Bilbray (R CA-50) might have a problem after all! Perhaps Francine Busby shouldn’t put her lawn-signs away after all! Wouldn’t that just totally suck if the courts ruled the election illegal and they’ve got to go back and vote again? And…and…wouldn’t that just suck if Francine Busby won the second time around? Just like Minnesota has Norm Coleman (R-MN), only because Paul Wellstone crashed in an airplane seven days before that election.

Flip off Bush

Democratic ad ties all of GOP to Bush

Democrats yesterday said they will link Republicans in power with President Bush as often as possible in the 100 days leading up to the midterm congressional elections.

Well, I’m a skeptic – but it sure will be fun seeing what creativity they can pull within those next 100 Days…

The Gorillaz, Dare

QueerI like the part at the beginning of this video where he says: “Hall-O!

Plork Productions.

The Clint Easwood video is the best. I promise. Dare is still pretty awesome.

Excuse me, Mr. Lieberman?

Michael Shiavo’s letter to Liebermann. I can only imagine what it took to sit down and write this letter. After what the GOP (and Lieberman) did to this man and his wife. Poor guy.

Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT) Gets Mother Theresa Award for Good Behavior

The Senator blasts a couple volunteer firfighters from out of state and complains about how much money they make. (As if Burns’ Congressional Payraises weren’t enough for the past 16 years.)

But for a U.S. senator to launch such an attack based on hisBurns own, sketchy impressions or the uninformed venting of self-appointed experts calls into question Burns’ judgment. His belief that a firefighter could be paid $10,000 for a week’s work is proof that Burns is completely out of touch. The only people we know paid exorbitantly for doing nothing wear suits in Washington, D.C., not yellow shirts on the fire line.”

Day-ummm!!! Anybody out there on the Minneapolis Star Tribune staff that can do better?! Doubt it!! (Thanks Kos!)

Dear Katherine; Go F&%*yourself!

No no no..It isn’t Katherin Kersten of the Minneapolis Star Tribune! It’s the Florida Grand Ole Party giving Katherine Harris the finger!!

“Katherine, though it causes us much anguish, we have determined that your campaign faces irreparable damage. We feel that we have no other choice but to revoke our support. “The polls tell us that no matter how you run this race, you will not be successful in beating Bill Nelson, who would otherwise be a vulnerable incumbent if forced to face a stronger candidate.”

Mickeys FingerYa know… That’s gratitude for ya! The GOP owes Katherine Harris for rigging the first Florida election and here they go flipping her the finger! Sheeshe! What a bunch of Jerks!

What’s even better is when the American people say the same thing to the GOP come this November!
Thanks Buzzy!

Bill Frist is in Deeper Do-Do Than we originally thought!

I am continually baffled by the Republican Party’s façade theyfrist wear playing the “Party of a Higher Moral Value”. Like, we’re all supposed to believe they love Jesus more than the rest of the planet. And yet, they’re routineley being discovered to have the lowest worst Ethics in the country. Of course, if you say Republicans are crooks, they quickly remind us about Sen Ed Kennedy and Chappaquiddick (which happened in 1969)!!Oh well.. So another Republican is under a second investigation. And, like the first one, it’s about money laundering and failing to reveal finances to the IRC and/or the US Senate.

Frist and his wife are the sole trustees in charge of a family foundation bearing the senator’s name, according to Internal Revenue Service forms. However, he has not been listing that position on his Senate disclosure forms, which are made public every year.

Sound familiar?

Congressman John Kline (R-MN) Hires Secret Cheerleaders

I thought this was hilarious. The Dump John Kline website keeps getting these nasty-grams from someone call himself “a Klinefan”. “Mr. Kline Fan” emails the nasty-grams to the DJK website. Until the DJK folks look into it and discover all of the nasty-grams are coming from the same Internet IP Address…Which is coming from the John Kline Campaign Headquarters!

Klinefan” a frequent (and impolite) poster to this blogDunce has been posting his comments from the same ip address that hosts John Kline’s re-election website!

…When I called, Mr. Esmay said he had nothing to do with the postings. Coincidentally, “Klinefan” logged off the site within minutes of Mr. Esmay hanging up the phone. Draw your own conclusions.

I’m laughing my butt off. So folks, be sure to check out our Rowleynotorious former FBI-Agent Coleen Rowley, who blew the whistle on the Taliban and made everybody look completely stupid..Including the White House, the Pentagon, the CIA and the FBI. She’s worth a note from everybody to say “Hey!!” and everybody’s ready to kick Kline out and get Rowley into Congress.

The Milk and Cookies

Here’s a collection of a few YouTube videos that’s well worth checking out with your chocolate-chips and big glass of Skim.

Men on Books

FilmmakingThe Bush Bash!
math – You’ll have to watch closely to figure it out.G’night!

The FruitFly