We interrupt your regularly scheduled program in an effort to bring you this latest Fruit Fly News Bulletin…
Hello, this is Frizzie McBee on Fruit Fly News. This just in, less than one hour ago, Congressman Bob Ney (R-Ohio) has plead guilty to being a very bad man. Our sources say that he will be a Prison Wife for approximately 27 months, and that the marriage arrangements have been set up with a fine handsome gentleman named “BOL”, Ohio State Penitentiary prison number 9474523.
Just last month, The Great Fruit Fly, CEO extrodinaire, pointed out that Congressman Ney was the last of the “Scotland Tour” who hasn’t yet been found guilty. This completes the “inner-circle” of Jack Abramoff’s friends who get to take field trips to Scotland on a private Lear as a “personal thank-you” for taking his bribes. This leaves only Ralph Reed (former Executive Director of the Konservative Kristian Koalition, former Lieutenant Governor hopeful-Georgia) who is not going to jail…Yet.
Meanwhile, jailmates everywhere have been breaking out in riots, fighting over whether or not they’ll get to take turns with the Congressman. Nuptual visits for those visits outside of the penetentiary have not been clarified, but those cellmates inside the pententiary have already begun to lining up the “pecker-order”.
Bol Johnston, Congressman Ney’s future prison-husband, stated that he was excited to receive his new wife. Johnston, found guilty of killing kittens and running over little old ladies, has stated that Congressman Ney will be his fifth wife in his current nine year prison sentance.
Johnston said; “I saw him on the TV in the rec room and he looks like he’s got a real purty mouth. That’s what’s important… if they got a purty mouth, then I’m very excited.”
Mrs. Ney, meanwhile, has offered the Congressman her complete collection of cosmetics. “He’s going to need my support in everyway, I’m excited for the opportunity to help. He’s really a wonderful husband when he’s not
taking bribes drinking.
Tune into Fruit Fly News during our evening broadcast for more information this story and other news. Thank you for watching, my name is Frizzie McBee.
This has been a Fruit Fly News Bulletin. We return now to our originally schedule program already in progress.