What’s your Christmas tradition?

Holidazzle ParadePerhaps the better question might be: “What really weird thing does your family do for Christmas?” Something that’s just plain odd.

We have a “vagrant” joining us for Christmas Eve for our personal Christmas. My husband life-partner Bruce, was against the “invasion”, jealously wishing we could be by ourselves. Jim, our good friend, is all alone this year with his ‘Rents in Florida and his siblings in Michigan. His usual haunt is to be with another group of friends who throw a huge dinner party (it’s all very gay of course) . There’s usually about six courses in the entire meal and Jim’s tired of all that.

“It’s boring!” he whines. “I only know two people and that’s it! I don’t want to hang around with people I don’t even know. I end up sitting by myself working on how many knuckles I can fit up my nose with one finger! And besides, the last three years they’ve had str8 people there. It’s ridiculous! Who wants to chat with some str8 girl and listen to her talking about her fucking kids and how well soccer practice went last Thursday.”

My husband life-partner and I just listen with polite smiles on our face. Until this year, Jim went on his own micro-sized war on Christmas by declaring that he wasn’t going to this party anymore.

“Screw it!” he said sometime last month over beer at Dan Kellys in downtown Minneapolis. “I’m not going this year and I told them. I’m just over it…”

But over the course of time, he started hinting that we should invite him to join the two of us.

“What are you two doing?!” He’d say.

“Well” I said. “Like always, I’m home alone on Christmas Eve because my family are all insane. Bruce goes with his family and I don’t go to that. On Christmas Day, we have our private Christmas time typically in the morning and then we split up and go to our families and have Christmas with them.”

“I’m not exactly interested this year, either.” I went on. “I’d like to beat the crap out of my jerk-wad of a brother and the only reason I go is for the sake of my ‘Rents.”

Jim gets this pleading look in his eye and mutters. “Well…I’m not doing anything.” and begins peeling off the label on his beer bottle.

Bruce and and I both felt a little bad for him. Jim has battled cancer for over a year now and his radiation therapy has made him a little bit depressed lately. (He’s winning, by the way! He has to take these x-rays every so many months, but by in large…he’s winning!) On the other hand, it’s really his own thing to simply hang out at the dinner party he’s always attended. I mean, sometimes str8 people can be rather annoying. But, what he’s doing certainly won’t solve much.

Overtime, Bruce finally breaks down and says; “I suppose we should have Jim over for our Christmas this year. I mean…well. I guess we should.”  Bruce is sweet in that way.  Unfortunately for all of you, he’s married partnered and I’m horribly selfish.

Coincidentally, Jim calls the next day and wants to meet at TGI Friday’s over here on I-394 in Golden Valley. My mind when into over-drive thinking: “From Jim’s point of view… how weird can we be for a definition of a Christmas tradition?”

He wouldn’t know…what exactly what he’s getting into, you know? It’s the old adage: “Be careful what you wish for…you might just get it.” We could do freaky stuff like swing from the chandelier in our skivvies with lemon-wedges under our lips. How could he anticipate that?

Bruce swung by and picked me up and we headed on over to TGI Fridays. This mental image forming in my brain…

Arriving, we take off our coats and hats and settle into the booth where Jim was already seated. A half-empty beer bottle with some of the label peeled off in front of him. He even smelled lonely.

Bruce went first by saying:

“Well, we talked about it and we’ve decided that we’d love it if you’d join us for our personal Christmas on Christmas Eve.”

Jim lit up like a giant sized Christmas tree trimmed by RuPaul. He beamed, literally. He had that look you’d imagine Lindsey Lohan would have when she drunkenly stumbles into a mirror, a straw and a 36″ line of cocaine.

I took my chance…

Ya know Jim. Everybody has their traditions around the Holiday Season. Bruce and I aren’t any different. And since you’ll be joining us this year, you might like to know what we do.

You see, every Christmas, when we’re ready to open presents, both of us take off all of our clothes and get completely naked. Bruce here, has his special Christmas sock-puppet. And he puts it on his penis and he tells me a Christmas story with…the puppet! And you know, every year, I never guess the ending..it’s always a surprise!

And then I climbed up on the table and leer over onto his side and stare at his crotch real quick and then look at him in the eye with a very weird look look of anticipation on my face and said;

We’re really looking forward to havin’ you join us this year, Buddy…

Jim’s in hysterics and says: “Oh my…Well! One can only imagine the fun you two have on New Years!”

There’ll be a crock-pot full of apple cider with a few sticks of cinnamon on the buffet-table. I’ll have deviled eggs mixed with bacon and shredded cheese in the filling. There’ll be about nine very nice wedges of some fine cheeses. Loads of wine chilled out on the three-season porch and a six-pack of beer can be found in the snowbank outside the back door. Everywhere you look will be platters of home made cookies, candies and pumpkin muffins.

I’m making colossall shrimp scampi and red bell pepper over linguine and Schezuan green beans with toasted sesame seeds. Even the plates will look like Christmas wreaths and those little seeds will look like snowflakes! The house will smell of the cider and I’m making a garlic French baguette. (It’ll be very gay you understand.)

Streisand, Sinatra and Nat King Cole will be armed with their greatest Christmas cuts, digitally aimed at our ears. And we’ll have enough candles lit to land large passenger aircraft in-bound from the North Pole.FruitFly

Desert is a simple ice-cream Yule log (just to make sure the Pagans won’t hate us too) and we’ll slurp on a couple of Nutty Irishmen for a nightcap before we head to Candle Light Services at Westminster at 10:00PM.

If you’re in the neighborhood, stop on by! We’d love to see you naked!

Ann Coulter ♥’s Mike Huckabee

An CoulterIt’s a Love Fest that knows no bounds with the Gee-o-Pee. This article, typical of Coulter, spins around how fabulous Coulter thinks she is and why she is truly God’s gift to all of humanity. She pontifications liberally about her brilliance and compares her first shitty book “Godless: The Church of Liberalism” as a piece for more intellectually thought than most any Ph.D. in mathetics, physics or any of the sciences. Put plainly, she sounds starved for attention.

Her views on Mike Huckabee is nothing more than a prop in adoration of herself. But, she griddles Huckabee for his views on everything on gay marriage to evolution. I wouldn’t recommend reading the article with out playing the Drinking Game with a bottle Ouzo: Every time she commends herself, follow Angus Young’s command to “Have a drink on me”.

But the best is Coulter’s last two lines:

Huckabee claims he opposes gay marriage and says Scalia is his favorite justice, but he supports a Supreme Court decision denounced by Scalia for paving the way to a “constitutional right” to gay marriage. I guess Huckabee is one of those pro-sodomy, pro-gay marriage, pro-evolution evangelical Christians.

No wonder Huckabee is the evangelical liberalsFruitFly 6 like.

Now go ahead, read the entire article. Once you’ve finished, grabbed a bottle of Ouzo, click on Ann’s picture here and re-read the article and try out my new drinking game: Every time she compliments herself…Go ahead and have a drink on me.

“Suicide Watch” for the GOP has begun

LipsOuch!! Howie Klein speaks in volumes:

The Republican melee that will determine which one of the pathetic pygmies gets to ask Americans if they want a third term for George Bush has degenerated into a battle about religionism, a clear example of why the Republicans Party is destined to become a small, extremist regional political party for crackpots and loons. As ABC News reports today, “Religion is driving the Republican presidential race in Iowa, with Mike Huckabee taking the lead on the strength of overwhelming support from evangelical voters– and Mitt Romney falling behind over concerns about his Mormon faith.”

bug gooThink: “The opaque light-blue bug-shield on your Uncle’s Lincoln Continental”…

No one’s polling numbers will be impacted by racist xenophobe Tom Tancredo’s decision to withdraw from the race today after finding out that the one straw he was grasping at– and endorsement from psychotic Iowa Congressman Steve King (one of the only members of Congress as racist and bigoted as himself)– will not be forthcoming. The King endorsement was his entire Iowa game-plan– outside of the Know Nothing fear mongering. King endorsed another loser, who will also be withdrawing soon, the lazy old man with the devastatingly ambitious young wife, Fred Thompson. As for Ron Paul, the candidate of UFO enthusiasts, the KKK, neo-fascists and conspiracy nuts, he’s made a big decision– he’s keeping the $500 donation from neo-NaziFruitFly Stormfront founder Don Black whose motto is “White Pride World Wide.” Catchy. Even some of the most extreme of the far right kooks and loons think Ron Paul is off his rocker and feel uncomfortable that the Republican Party is being publicly identified with Nazis.

Sam Kinison would be proud.

Need We Say More…

GOP Texas Delegation

They’ll be here in Minneapolis/St Paul in less than a year.

…And the stench is expected to remain for decades.

The Huckabees: Crimes of the Son, Cover-ups of the Father

mexican fruit fliesThe story of Mike Huckabee’s youngest is snowballing into a collision course faster than the “No Smoking” sign was extinguished on the Hindenburg. As we learn more and more details about the incident, the story has become so grotesque, that the attempts to cover it all up appears like a pair of headlights for a horrible embarrassment.

Michael Isikoff and Holly Bailey of Newsweek magazine have a detailed story in the upcoming Christmas Eve issue and it doesn’t look good for anybody involved, especially for a Presidential Candidate like Republican Governor Mike Huckabee.

Once the camp had discovered what the boys had done, an anonymous was faxed to Animal Legal Defense Fund. (Kinky Friedman’s Utopia Rescue has the original Action Alert bulletin here.) The Director of the Anti-Cruelty division of the Animal Legal Defense Fund fired a letter of to the Chief Scout Executive, Jere Radcliff complaining about the boy’s behavior and pleaded for justice on behalf of the tortured and eventual murder of the animal. Pamela Frasch, an attorney wrote:

It has come to my attention that David Huckabee and Clayton Friday, two scout counselors, have admitted to the brutal killing of a stray dog at Camp Pioeneer on 7/11/98 and have been protected by the Caddo Area Council as well as Camp Pioneer authorities. The two boys allegedly hung a dog by his/her neck, throwing the body over a railing to a twenty foot drop. After realizing that this did not kill the dog, they slit his/her throat and stoned the dog to death. These disturbing events should have been reported immediately to the Polk County Sheriff’s Office, where a complete investigation of this horrific crime should have taken place. It is my understanding that the boys lost their jobs, which is hardly acceptable punishment for the committing of a violent crime. And it is especially unbelievable that this could happen at a Boys Scout Camp, where young men are supposed to be taught respect and kindness towards the natural world an all its inhabitants. That dog suffered an enormous amount of pain and suffering, and eventual death at the hands of these two youths. This unspeakable, and legal act can not be dismissed with a “boys will be boys’ adage or as anything less than the malicious crime tha ti so understandibly is.

The Isikoff/Bailey story notes that the Arkansas State Police headquarters was bombarded by animal rights groups everywhere demanding an immediate investigation. (Animal Cruelty at best, is a misdemeanor in Arkansas. In a state where marrying your sister will get you a gallon of moonshine and a pair of shoes, it’s no surprise.) The investigation was never launched by state police. However, the director of the state police told Newsweek that:

Governor Huckabee’s chief of staff and personal lawyer both leaned on him to write a letter officially denying the local prosecutor’s request. Bailey, a career officer who had been appointed chief by Huckabee’s Democratic predecessor, said he viewed the lawyer’s intervention as improper and terminated the conversation.

Huckabee and his chief of staff obviously disagree with this part of the story. Especially when:

Seven months later, he was called into Huckabee’s office and fired. “I’ve lost confidence in your ability to do your job,” Bailey says Huckabee told him. One reason Huckabee cited was “I couldn’t get you to help me with my son when I had that problem,” according to Bailey.

The FBI steps up to the plate in defense of Bailey:

“Without question, [Huckabee] was making a conscious attempt to keep the state police from investigating his son,” says I. C. Smith, the former FBI chief in Little Rock, who worked closely with Bailey and called him a “courageous” and “very solid” professional.

Huckabee thinks this is all bullshit by saying:Opening the closet

Huckabee called Bailey’s account “totally untrue” and described him as a “bitter” exemployee. “I asked him to resign because he had so alienated the entire state police,” he said. “It had nothing to do with my son.”

Yeah right. Baily was appointed by the Huckabee’s Democratic predecessor, so it’s because he was a Democrat that made him “bitter”?! But if the FBI is agreeing with the State Police director, Huckabee is the one with the credibility problem of the story. It gets worse for Huckabee’s account when his own staff jump into the story with:

Brenda Turner, Huckabee’s then chief of staff, and Kevin Crass, the Huckabee family lawyer, also disputed Bailey’s account, although both acknowledged talking to him about the dog killing. “I asked him, ‘Is it normal for the state police to … investigate something that happened at a Boy Scout camp?’ ” Turner says. “We wanted the same treatment that anybody else would get.”

And the treatment David Huckabee received?! He was later promoted to Eagle Scout! This story stinks to high heaven and makes a body just want to weep.

Dogs are pack animals. And they identify with their pack-mates solely for survivability. All dogs identify with their human counter-parts as being part of their own pack. This dog’s innocence in hoping to find a pack ended up in hanging, torture and eventual death. All so a Governor’s son could find a few minutes of “entertainment”.

Typical for the Republican Party, nothing is leveled against this boy’s horrific behavior and his high-profile Republican father dismisses it with:

…that his son did not engage in “intentional torture.” “There was a dog that apparently had mange and was absolutely, I guess, emaciated.”

Excellent excuse for a man who’s completely out of touch. If he’s out of touch with his son’s behavior and the brutality of his actions, then he’s out of touch with what’s going on in the world.

Let’s not forget that David Huckabee was 17 years old at the time. Four years later, David Huckabee ends up bullying his way around Jonesboro, AR in front of city employees for paying a required fine for two businesses on campus. This brutal behavior is more than a deep psychological problemFruitFly that needs to be addressed. Let’s also remember that in 2007, Huckabee once again shows his apathy for others by showing up with a loaded Glock at the Little Rock airport attempting to casually walk through the screening metal detectors. This young man is a disaster waiting to happen. And while Daddy makes up excuses for his behavior, the rest of us should be very scared of both of them.

Found under the Christmas tree

Stop Big Media

newspaper presents

Crooks and Liars has a really cool video about the FCC’s attempt to “Super Size” media. It’s well worth the look-see. It’s a product out of stopbigmedia.com.

It’s an extremely important issue that media isn’t discussing at all.

Good Search

There’s a cool new way to surf the ‘Net, especially if you’re an animal lover. GoodSearch is a non-profit using Yahoo as its search-engine. Every time you use it, $.10 goes to charity. It’s quick and complete and customizable for your Internet Explorer or your Firefox. Macintosh geeks aren’t left out either! Use it and make your own charitable donations.

Cindy Sheehan has re-appearedhousefly

In Minnesota there’s a saying: “Little flakes, big snow.” Welcome to “little flakes“:

Washington Post reported last week that in September 2002, four members of Congress met in secret for a first look at a unique CIA program designed to wring vital information from reticent terrorism suspects in U.S. custody. For more than an hour, the bipartisan group, which included current House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Democrat Rep. Jane Harman…

really hates santaWell, Sheehan’s not happy about it and she’s now calling for impeaching Nancy Pilosi:

“Even before becoming Speaker of the House of Representative, she said that impeachment of Bush is out of question. She should be impeached for knowing about torture which dehumanize us all.”

Black Garbage FlyHuckabee look familiar to you?

Here at Fruit Fly Central, we had to take a second look and Huckabee could weirdly look like an fraternal twin of another very famous Republican crook.

Redstate geeks running around, stupidly paranoid

I’m going to cut-n-paste the first few sentences… You’ll see craigxmaswhat I mean – Oh.. just read:

Prof. Douglas Kmiec suggests that Hillary Clinton, if elected, could have her husband follow the footsteps of former President Taft by appointing him to the Supreme Court.

Please guys, take a deep breath. You right-wingers are weirdly über-obsessed with Hillary Clinton as a president. Speculating that she’d just throw Bill in as her first pick for US Supreme Court Justice makes you all seem petty and a wee bit stupid. Just a tiny wee.

They continue on:

Taft was, in fact, a very good Chief Justice after being a failure as President, a job for which he never had the talent or desire.

Prof. Kmiec gets right some of the obvious problems with this parallel: Clinton, unlike Taft, has no prior judicial experience and loves politics much more than the law; Clinton, unlike Taft, would presumably not be taking the Chief Justice job; and Taft, unlike Clinton, never had his law license suspended for perjury in a judicial proceeding.Deer Fly

Now; I’m not an English professor: here; but, I think; that last paragraph, might be the longest: run-on sentence I’ve read in decades; let alone, not making any sense: whatsoever.

Colorado kicks out E-Voting Machines

And it’s a Republican who’s deciding:

Colorado’s Republican Secretary of State, Mike Coffman, has announced that a number of Colorado’s e-voting machines have failed state certification testings, and will not be allowed for use in the 2008 election cycle. The announcements came at a news conference in Denver which completely just minutes ago.

Does anybody remember when Walden O’Dell, CEO of Diebold, told a bunch of Republicans in 2003 that he was: “committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year (with is own electronic voting machines)”? Quite a lot of wasted time and money spent, ya think?

BradBlog notes: All Voting Systems by ES&S CompletelyFruitFly Decertified; DRE Touch-Screens from Sequoia Banned; Optical-Scan Paper Systems by Hart InterCivic Banned; All Systems by Diebold/Premier Conditionally ALLOWED for Use!

Oops. Nevermind!

Traitors From Within II

rant-1.jpgI love Bartcop. And then once in a while, I really love Bartcop. Whoever the hell Gerry Fern is, I don’t know. But it’s one hell of a great rant.

<snip>

For six years you just coasted along as the minority party, nothing you could do about anything. Racist judges, you can’t stop them. Inept diplomats, you tried but could not stop them. Suspension of Habeas Corpus, hey most people do not even have an idea what that is. We get a free pass.

Now you are in the majority but Congress is still in control of the minority, because you need a majority of 60 in the Senate. What a farce? What a horrible joke you are playing on millions of people that went out and voted for you and though we might actually see the light at the end of a very long dark tunnel for our country and us. But, OH, that is right you got the big new offices, chairmanships, staff, and private jets. So many new toys you have not yet had time to attend to the business of the people. After all, we are just people, not important millionaires like you folks with important positions.

You have forgotten your oath of office. Your primary responsibility; to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States and its laws. This is not an option, it’s your responsibility. Never mind the promises that you made to us that you will never keep. Caving in again on Iraq war funding, oh really what a surprise? If you see wrongdoing, it is not an option, you have an obligation to investigate and if necessary impeach. Our administration at this point should be impeached and turned over to The Hague for criminal prosecution for crimes against humanity including US citizens. But we would never expect you to do that much. Impeachment would be fine. But you are not willing to that either. You are simply happy shrink from your responsibilities.

That is not acceptable by any standard. If you are not willing to carry out your constitutionally mandated duties you should resign. And for the sake of the country you profess to love, RESIGN NOW.

<unsnip>FruitFly

The emphasis are all mine. The grammar might be rough, but the passion shines through like a beacon on a dark and foggy night! I highly recommend reading the entire rant.