Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

Minn Cupcake Votes “No” On Minimum Wage

Why am I not suprised by this? Rep Michele Bachmann (R-MN) decided that raising the minimum wage for low-income working folks just wasn’t necessary. How odd, that Jim Ramstad (R-MN) from our 3rd Congressional District even joined the rest of the Minnesota team and voted for the minimum wage increase.

So, with a total of 8 Congressional Districts in Minnesota, only two are represented by Republicans, and only one of those two voted against the Fair Minimum Wage Act of 2007: Minnesota’s very own “Katherine Harris, Version 2.0” Michele Bachmann.

Why do I get the sneaky suspicion that Bachmann is going to ride her four two years in office making Minnesota an embarrassment. The rest of us who aren’t in Bachmann’s 5th District should set up toll-booths and tarriff’s for entering and leaving the district, just to pay off the shame.

If she spent all of that time talking to God before she was elected, then is it safe to say that God hates poor people?!?

The other day, somebody in the local news was noting all of the uniqueness from Minnesota’s election last November. Camera is spot on and the voice over said: “Senator Amy Klobuchar, Minnesota’s first female elected to the US Senate!” and then the camera is on Keith Ellision and he’s smiling and the voice-over said; “Mr. Ellision is Minnesota’s first African-American elected to Congress and is the first Muslim elected to Congress!”. Then the camera was on Michele Bachman and there’s no voice-over because she speaks into the microphone and says; “Well, it’s not talked about much, but I’m the first female Republican elected to Congress!”

I wish I could find that piece. She going to be such an embarrassment to her District and her God for the next four years. I can’t wait for her husband Marcus to come flying out of the Closet like an old argyle sweater…. You just know that’s the next shoe to drop.

Updated:  Someone came along and left a comment and pointed out the “error of my ways”.  Bachman’s up for reelection in two years – and there’s already a great gaggle of DFL’ers ready to shoo her out the door.

FFN Special Bulletin: “Is the GOP Insane?”

Hello, welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee.

We bring you this “Special Edition” of Fruitfly news, purely out of public demand. We have been inundated by hundreds of thousands of e-mail messages asking us the same thing. Over and over we get email saying: “Does Fruit Fly News endorse the fact that the GOP is genuinely insane?!”

We’ve decided to look into the matter a little more closely and let you, the Fruit Fly Viewer, decide for yourself. During our presentation, we shall have a conversation ith a few prominent GOP leaders or political hopefuls, along with some Republican politicians already in office and running I would like to introduce to you Mr. Bob Beauprez, Republican gubenetorial candidate for the Golden State of Colorado.

Hello Mr. Beauprez!! I thank you for being here! Appreciate it!

The pleasure is all mine, Miss McBee! Is it Miss? …Or is it Mrs?

“Ms” will be fine Mr. Beauprez, thank you…Mr. Beauprez: Just last Monday in an interview on Colorado’s public radio, you said something about abortions among the African-American community. Do you care to recall this conversation?

Why yes Frizzie..err.. Mrs. McBee! I remember it clearly, however I think the entire thing was taken way out of context.

I understand… Um, you said in that interview that black women were getting abortions at an apalling rate. To use your words, you said; “I’ve seen numbers as high as 70 percent – maybe even more – in the African-American community that I think is just appalling.” What part of what you said has been taken out of context? Or, I have to admit that I’m very confused as to how I took it out of context.

“Well first of all to be fair, I apologized in a written letter to the African-American community that should have verified that statistic before saying it in public…

Mr. Beauprez, to be completely fair, you have no statistic that says anything about abortions and the African-American community whatsoever! The best attempt to look up your statement was when the Denver Post did your homework and found a non-profit group did a study….far from the numbers you spit out. You’ve thrown out that rediculous phrase as an attention-grabber in hopes people will be sympathetic towards your racist, misogynistic and classist attitude towards minorities as a gratuitous attempt to grab some more votes.

Well not really. I mean, ahhhh….what I should have… Miss McFlee, let me try to exp…

Exactly Mr. Beauprez, what you should have said on the topic is absolutely nothing. Furthermore, I would venture to say that you don’t know anything about African-American people, about women or about the abortion rate in this country, or the State of Colorado.

Is that a safe assumption?

Well Frizzie… Is that youre real name: “Frizzie”? What’s that short for: “Frizine”?

Let me make my point Mr. Beauprez. What should the voter from Colorado expect of their Governor? A person like you?! Studying Denver Post article further, I see that your own Coloradan peers have come foward and responded to your racist and masochistic attitude.

For example, Reginald Holmes, pastor of New Covenant Christian Church in Denver offered his perspective that that’s worth noting: “This is evidence of the supreme irresponsibility of the man. He’s a complete irresponsible buffoon. If he can prove those statistics, then I will apologize publicly.

Excellent word-choice: “Buffoon Bob”..Don’t you agree? We’d like to thank you for your time, Congressman Beauprez. Your statements and your actions have benefited the point of this story in ways you’ll never understand. Have a great day…

Our next Republican candidate that we feel has gone completely over the deep end — Congresswoman Kathryn Harris of Florida’s 13th District.

Congresswoman Harris is running against incumbent Senator Bill Nelson (D-FL). I interviewed Congresswoman Harris earlier today: Let’s take a look at that.

Congresswoman Harris, we’d like to thank you for taking the time to speak with us!

Why thank you Ms. McBee! I thank you too and Jesus loves you!

Yes, and thank you for that. Congresswoman, in 2004 you were in Venice Beach, FL giving a speech in which you told an audience of your own constituents that a Middle Eastern man in Carmel, Indiana was planning to blow up a power-grid. Yet, at the same time: The Mayor James Brainard of Carmel, Indiana never spoke with you and that there was no “Middle Eastern” man and that there were no plots to destroy power-grids as you described. Were charges ever filed against you for making such wild allegations?

Well no there weren’t my exact words, but in my defen…

Let me continue please: …You went on and told other news outlets that you were priveledged with classified data that more than 100 terrorist plots have been thwarted under President George W. Bush. And you claimed that you weren’t able to give any details. Was there anything that wasn’t true in what I’ve just said to you?

Well Ms. McBee, as I told..

Congresswoman: You also had an incident with an imaginary tree falling on an airport hangar in Orlando. Would you care to tell us about these…”flying trees”?

Oh that’s just silly… I never said that!! If God wanted trees to fly, He would have made them falling out of airplanes! No, that’s just totally untrue.

Uh-huh… Congresswoman Harris, immediately after your political director Ryan Metzler walked out of your electoral campaign, do you remember that?

Forty people showed up to attend your rally and the excuse you gave for the poor turn-out was that your constituents were confused because a tree had fallen on the airplane hangar that you originally scheduled for the event. Is that correct?

Well you see… Mr. Metzler told me the wrong place and ummm.. no wait. I mean… Err. Umm… I think the voters will see through my mistakes and realize that God wanted me to win the Senate seat. So, if you don’t mind Ms. McBee, if I may. I would much rather concentrate on my political career than about airport hangars…

I’m glad you said that, Congresswoman Harris. Your political career has a rather lengthly list of shady-politics. In 1994, you took over $20,000 in illegal campaign money from Riscorp, who deposited over $400,000 total in illegal campaign funds. You were investigated, along with the CEO that you helped gain access to state workers compensation markets. While no charges were filed against you once the investigation was completed, yet that CEO was found guilty in that investigation and served jail-time.

Yes McBee, but let’s be completely honest here and make sure people underst….

Congresswoman Harris, just last month in the Florida Baptist Witness, you said; “If you are not electing Christians, tried and true, under public scrutiny and pressure, if you’re not electing Christians then in essence you are going to legislate sin.”

Congresswoman Harris: My question to you is this: “Is it common for Christian people to think…and act…like you? I mean: Do you think you make a good role-model for true-Christian folks in the United States of America? …as a real “Christian”?

Oh Ms McBee…I love Jesus and I know Jesus loves me and forgives my transgretions. And I know Jesus loves you t… I can tell you – Jesus has called me to the United States Senate, and I believe it’s important that we all follow God’s Will.

So, by default congresswoman: You’re forcing the constituents to vote for you for Senate in fear of breaking God’s Will. Is that correct? Because I’m sure your competitor Senator Bill Nelson has stated God has called him to continue on as Senator. The Senator has stated that anybody that votes for you would be a Sin by disobeying the Will of God. Does that sound right to you Congresswoman?

Well yes… I mean, No!! I mean that as a born-again Christian, that I believe God has called

Congresswoman, let me quote something Jesus said in Matthew 7:20 through verse 23. You may find something interesting in it. Jesus said; Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not every one that saith unto me, “Lord, Lord,” shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, “Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?” And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

Congresswoman Harris, wouldn’t you agree that it seems Jesus Christ has your face clearly in his mind while he was saying this to his deciples?

Why…that’s a horrible implication!! What a terrible thing to say! Let me ask you something Ms. McBee; “Why does the liberal media hate us born-again Christians so much? What have we ever done to you?”

Thank you Congresswoman Harris, you’ve been quit helpful in the making of this story.

As I’ve stated; that was recorded earlier today. As you can see, the underlying thread of conscious thought for the Republican leadership seems to be fading slowly. While we can understand that not everybody’s perfect all of the time, we also had to consider the odd behavior from other Republican political leaders and political pundits.

For example, Senator Conrad Burns thinks taxicab drivers are terrorists who drive during the daytime and kill at night – and we can only assume he’s referencing the taxicab drivers in Missoula and Helena. To make matters worse, it would be interesting to note that this happend shortly after Senator Burns called a couple of volunteer firefighters “lazy“. Only last year, when faced with a Northwest Airlines flight attendant worried about loosing her job, Senator Burns offered the “brilliant idea” that the young woman become a stay-at-home Mom instead.

Senator Rick Santorum was another candidate for an overdose of Lithium. We added him to the list immediately upon learning the story of how his youngest child was born severely premature and lived for just two hours. While we all would agree that the incident was a tragedy, Senator Santorum and his wife took the infant home, let their other children interact with the fetus, sleep with it and hug it and kiss it. Today, Senator Santorum keeps a photo of the 20-week old fetus on his desk.

And then there’s Vice President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defense: Donald Rumsfeld who thinks 65% of the American people who disagree with his view on the Iraqi war…Should be likened to Nazi-Era appeasers. They complain that those 65% of the population “simply don’t understand” what’s going on!

Yet, this is the same administration who immediately jumped for the opportunity to launch a “Shadow Government” within 72 hours after 9/11! Here, the Insane GOP keeps information from the public and then whine because most of the American population “simply doesn’t understand!”

We also thought we’d include George W Bush in our crazy list, and perhaps he should be the first one we brought to you. Considering the number of people he’s killed as Governor of Texas, and the sheer thousands of Americans, Iraqis, Afghani’s he’s murdered. This is the same man who claims God talks to him all of the time and he’s “obviously” pro-life…and perhaps a little too pro-life.

Notice how this small Canadian community college chose to advertise in their community to promote “Reading”. They used our Commander in Chief to illustrate the point on why reading is so important!

Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert has conveniently developed a severe case of amnesia on the number of people who’ve been telling him for years about Congressman Mark Foley’s pedophelia issues. If the Speaker can’t remember conversations he’s had with his colleagues about a sex-monster within their own ranks and their own political party – how can anybody expect the Speaker to remember the constituents he represents in Illinois?

Rush Limbaugh, in an attempt to make a point about “Hollywood Liberals” laughs at a man with advanced stages of Parkinsons Disease for taking too much medication. For an admitted drug addict, one would think he would know enough about how the medication Michael J Fox uses to curb his Parkinsons disease than he admits.

Let’s not forget Bill O’Reilly, semi-popular “news” commentator with schizophrenic dilousions about being personally selected and put on an alleged “death-wish” owned by Al Queda. Perhaps, we can only hope.

Ken Mehlman, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, claims that he was unaware of the racists campaign ad his committee produced and aimed at Tennessee Congressman Harold Ford. Yet, Mr. Mehlman stated earlier that the Republican Party has ignored the African-American population in this country and it should end.

This is even more interesting since it’s been recently discovered that Mr. Mehlman has ties with, and received money from Nicholas T. Boyias, a gay porn industry czar. And, with Mark Foley about to be released from his own Blow-Drying Out Clinic in the next few days, one would think someone should blow more than the skin-flute on this subject.

And finally, Congresswoman Barbara Cubin of Wyoming threatened a man bound to a wheelchair with Multiple Scleorses with physical violence during a debate in Casper. To quote Congresswoman Cubin; “If you weren’t sitting in that chair, I’d slap you across the face.”

Now campaign ads are airing ads laughing at Congresswoman Cubin about the incident. Meanwhile, Vice President Dick Cheney is flying back to his “Home State” of Chaos, WY this weekend to stump for Cubin, even Karl Rove has to note that her approval ratings have dropped 10% in the past two weeks.

Congresswoman Cubin’s excuse for her violent behavior? She was listening to too much Rush Limbaugh. Yes, Limbaugh’s comment about slapping Michael J Fox for “overacting” apparently gave Congresswoman Cubin the brilliant idea of slapping a fellow political who’s permenantly confined to his wheelchair and his home.

Now here’s a political trophy that every Wyoming Republican can be proud of and hold their head high and say; “Yes! I voted for her again! Because she’s a ‘good Republican’ — and I like knowing she’d slap any Libertarian at any time no matter how crippled and decreped they might be!”

Fox News regularly uses the catch phrase: “Fair and Balance”, and “the No Spin Zone”. …And, while they shouldn’t have a monopoly on the their cliche’s, there’s absolutely no truth in any of them anyway.

We’re proud to say at Fruit Fly News: We’re “Fair and Balance, and Better Than Fox News!” and “FFN is The No Spin Zone, and Much Better than Fox News”.

With that said, you are welcome to disagree with what we’ve brought you here: but you’re probably wrong. Is the GOP Insane? Or perhaps the GOP is completely sane, but severely medicated? Maybe the GOP is neither crazy nor sane but for you to decide for yourself.

While they can point to Chappaquidick, or the Tawana Brawley Story and … and… Umm… Oh! Gerry Studds : There are a lot more nut-jobs and moonbats within their own ranks.

Please keep in mind, Fruit Fly News didn’t have to include the “Super Crazies” within the the GOP. After all; this is channel is PG-13.

Thank you for watching Fruit Fly News. Tune in next time for another broadcast. My name is Frizzie McBee and you’re watching Fruit Fly News.