Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

The Lastest Poll-Dancing in New Hampshire

Yeah, that’s Britney dancing with a “poll”. Since Britney’s been such a strong supporter of the GOP and GW Bush, I think it’s high time that we highlight the Darling of the GOP. Her ideas behind “good family values” are important! …And her “values” should be considered in this years election season! After all; being a liberal and a progressive should include all Americans; including Britney! Whether they’re a slutty Republican or not!

…<sigh> Okay… That’s enough looking at that – “prized possession”. I feel like a need a date with a can of Lysol. (What is with the hole in the fishnet stocking? Really?! Was it necessary?! It was really necessary?!!?)

…Let’s talk about some real polls in the upcoming New Hampshire primaries.

On Tuesday, the good people of New Hampshire will throw their votes at their best guess of a leader for the 2008 election campaign. Everybody’s cramming in their poll numbers via their own “Idiot Phone Bandits”. They’re hiring temporary employee’s who’s job it is to dial the good citizens of the New Hampshire and harass them with a barrage of stupid questions hoping to “spread the word.” They’re harassing them during their dinner hour, while they’re un-packing their grocery sacks, or in the morning while they’re getting their children ready for the school bus…

Where are their thoughts on the economy? What are they thinking about the housing slump? Who do they think would be the best president to clean up after King George? (Iquiring minds want to know!)

I ripped the following text from a guy named Ashish at a blogger site called 411mania.com. So if you want to yell and holler because your Dude or Dudette is doing better at some other Poll Dance site, you can blame him. (Besides, Ashish’s political commentary was pretty sucky, so I killed all of that out.)

Here’s Ashish from 4-1-1 mania.com:

Plenty of new polls for New Hampshire came out this weekend and there is no denying it, Barack Obama has a big lead.

• The new USA Today/Gallup poll has Obama up by 13 points, 41% to Hillary’s 28%, with John Edwards at 19%.
• The new CNN/WMUR poll has Obama up by 10 points, 39% to Hillary’s 27%, with John Edwards at 16%.
• The new Strategic Vision poll has Obama up by 9 points, 38% to Hillary’s 29%, with John Edwards at 19%.
• The new ARG poll has Obama up by 12 points, 38% to Hillary’s 26%, with John Edwards at 20%.
• The new Rasmussen poll has Obama up by 12 points, 39% to Hillary’s 27%, with John Edwards at 18%.

On the Republican side, John McCain seems to be pulling away from Mitt Romney.

• The new CNN/WMUR poll has John McCain up 6 points, 32% to Romney’s 26%, with Mike Huckabee at 14%. Huckabee’s 14% is the highest he has been in New Hampshire, so he is also seeing a bit of an Iowa boost.
• The new USA Today/Gallup poll has John McCain up 4 points, 34% to Romney’s 30%, with Mike Huckabee at 13%.
• The new Strategic Vision poll has John McCain up 8 points, 35% to Romney’s 27%, with Mike Huckabee at 13%.
• The new ARG poll has John McCain up 14 points, 39% to Romney’s 25%, with Mike Huckabee at 14%.
• And Rasmussen has John McCain up 2 points, 32% to Romney’s 30%, with Mike Huckabee at 11%.men and women have been killed in Iraq since 2003. Which of these Presidential candidates are proposing a change to these numbers? If you pick GOP George W. Bush: I have a slut-whore who loves to poll-dance.

Over 3,500 Americans have been slaughtered in a war that was started by presenting counterfeited evidence to the United Nations’ Security Council. Are you going to vote for a another President of the United States who supports four more years of fake politics and authentic tyranny? Seriously! Are you gonna vote for counterfeited evidence in favor for more continued war? Really? You might consider it? ..Or are you definetely considering it?!

Perhaps a better question asked: “Do you have holes in your fishnet-stocking?”

Found in the Dumpster

New Aussie Prime Minister eats his own earwax

Hey… Quit grossing out about the fact. At least we know he still hates Bush. (In the non-gay sort of way.) And since conservative John Howard’s administration is now defunct, there’s a new push to renew the same-sex marriage laws. With that in play, I’ll even invite the “Earwax Yum-Yum” guy to my own same-sex wedding.

Stupid celebrities too drunk to be considered “celebrities” in the future

Britney Spears hires a driver for her own habitual drinking-n-driving. That dude, shortly afterwards quits and says; “even in the back of the limo, she’s still a liability“. Does everybody remember when Britney was sober and acted like a Republican by saying stupidly:

“Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that…”

The remaining two transgendered members of HRC’s Board of Directors have resigned walked out

HRC (Human Rights Campaign) people had to weigh in between two evils with the ENDA bill as it passed through Congress: Getting some legislation passed without including the transgenered community in exchange of getting nothing passed at all.

Now we all know an unexpected truth: the Human Rights Campaign is only interested in some humans. But certainly not all of them. One could hardly blame Donna Rose and Jamison Greene.

I’m so old, I remember Marlon Riggs’ film Tongues Untied from 1991. Riggs’ film taught us about discrimination against gay people and how hypocritical it is when gay people discriminate against their own. In his case, against African-American gays and lesbians. Sixteen years later and one less Marlon Riggs in our midst and we’re still discriminating against our own!

“We Are the World” retooled into a GLBT hate song by the “God Hates Fags” people

I think it’s fantastic, personally. Especially when you get to the parts where these Republican hags come to a chorus and start talking about eating our children. I’m guessing most of them are Mike Huckabee voters and a few of them are Ron Paul supporters. I could be wrong, but I’m sure I spotted Michele Bachmann somewhere past 2:23 into the middle of it. Her husband was behind the camera carrying his her purse.

US Presidential Democratic hopeful Mike Gravel does a great rap-tune

Up yours Puffy! Screw you Usher! “Bite me” Snoop! Y’all can’t hang with my boy Mike G when he’s hangin’ in the crib with his homeys!

Domain Registered company “Go Daddy dot Com” funds Larry Craig ads

Cheerleaders, hot blondes, pom-pom girls, it’s all about funding the upcoming NFL Super Bowl and Go Daddy dot com had to make a decision. They’ve decided to parody Larry Craig’s potty-behavior and have loads of fun with the idea, inspite of their konservative korporate kounterparts who are objecting to the marketing plans.

Bob Parsons, Go Daddy chief executive officer, announced the company’s advertising intentions in his blog Tuesday. He had blogged in August that the company was considering spending on other opportunities, citing the success of its Indianapolis 500 broadcast sponsorship.

But Go Daddy’s share of the domain-name market went from 16 percent before its 2005 Super Bowl ad to 25 percent in weeks and months after the game, Parsons said. Market share rose further to 32 percent after the 2006 ad and now stands at 42 percent, he said.

“If you look at the historical payoff, we came to the conclusion we can’t afford not to do it,” he said Tuesday in explaining the decision to buy at least one Super Bowl spot.

…that reminds me. I have a doman with GoDaddy I have to re-register and soon!!

Brigadier General Keith Kerr challenges the GOP Debates on Don’t Ask / Don’t Tell

It’s obvious the “gay-military” issue is a boondoggle for the Republican party. They championed this bill under Clinton and tried to screw him with it and now it’s coming home to roost.

In today’s world, the GOP dives for cover under the United States military for advice on the issue as an excuse.

Republican Presidential Panty-Waist: “OH GAWD! I dunno? Gays and Lesbians handling the file cabinets? Oh crap!! I mean… They’re the ones who will have to decide to respect a fellow-American who’s in charge of “civil-engineering” the US military base’s commissary produce contracts!!

Watch Mitt Romney get booed. Watch John McCain salute the General!!

But best of all; watch Anderson Cooper recover after CNN staffers screw up the General’s microphone and his original message become obsolete within a matter of seconds.

Suburban Mom tells it like it should be

Mrs. Hughes will discuss her son Scooter, Howard be Thy name and feeling personally responsible for Global Warming because of her own personal hot flashes.

FruitFly News: Scum, Scabs, Scraps and Leftovers

Good evening everybody, thank you for joining us and welcome to Fruit Fly News. My name is Frizzie McBee. On Tuesday, Dr. Robert Gates met with the United States Senate for confirmation hearings to replace Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld. Second to question Dr. Gates, Senator Carl Levin (D-MI) asked pointedly: “…Do you think we’re winning the Iraq?” Dr. Gates, after a short thoughtful moment said; “No Sir, I don’t.” Meanwhile President George W. Bush, in the Oval White House, saw Dr. Gates’ answer and threw the bottle of Jim Beam against the wall and called for his limousine. President Bush was heard leaving the White House saying: “Who told that Longhorn Sumabitch to say that…I’m the Deciding..err! And I decide what he’s gonna say an’ what he ain’t!” Dr. Gates is reportedly doing fine with a laceration above his eye and small pellets peppering his face on the left-hand side. Vice President Dick Cheney was not on hand for comment.

In other related news, the Southern White Trash Association has named the Bush Twins “Drunken Prom Whores” for the upcoming 2008 Republican National Convention in Minneapolis, beating out front-runner Brittney Spears. Last month, Barbara and Jenna Bush, found in Johannesburg, South Africa, were caught smoking and drinking with a noticeably younger crowd of Yale Students. Partiers at the Fall Break Festivities objected to the First Twins attendance. Christine Franklin of Youngsown, Ohio said; “Oh-my-God… Look at her butt. What in the hell is she doing here? She’s like a geriatric drunken bitch. How old is she anyway, 40?!” Tim LeFavre from Boston, MA said to our reporter; “Oh my lord… First of all, the pink scaf with a brown dress?! Are you kidding me? And check out that ‘back pocket’ action she got going on. Carryng around one beer isn’t enough – she’s gotta carry a second in the pocket of her dress.! What a little bitch.” Pete Schmidtz of Bel Aire, California was over heard laughing with his friends telling them that while he was “‘Boning da Jenna’…he met three of his football teammates and the school mascot” who’ve been missing for two years.

Celebrating their 25th birthday in Buenos Aires, Argentina – the United States Embassy asked the Royal Bush Twins to cut their trip short and leave the country. Citing “security concerns”, the Bush Twins heeded the advice, noting that if their Daddy doesn’t have to listen to the Iraqi Study Group, then they don’t have to listen to the Embassy. Manuel Ortiz Calderra de Jesus Barillo, a hotel bellhop said; “Si…It is not good the Bush Twins stay. The last time they were here, Rio de Jeneiro suffered a barage of scabies. It was like the plague of death.”

Mr. Barillo added; “We’ll take Nazi refugees in this country…But we won’t take Bush! Scabies is a serious business!”

Brittany Spears has begun to flash her “cooter” in an effort to draw attention to herself. Feeling left out with Southern White Trash’s decision to name the Bush Twins as “Prom Whores” for the 2008 election, Ms. Spears has been hanging out with the lobotomized and inebriated Paris Hilton, now that Nichole Richie is in rehab. Leaving her newborn children at home next to an open oven door set on 450, Brittney shaved her cooter, plucked her eyebrows, braided her armpits and bravely went out in a micro-mini skirt delighted by the “free and easy breezy” feeling under her skirt was heard saying; “Now I know how Marilyn Manson felt during that one scene on the sidewalk in that old black and white movie”.

Meanwhile, Mary Cheney is having a baby and nobody knows who’s the father. Mary Cheney, a lesbian in a long-term committed relationship, defied everything sacred with the Republican Party by deciding to have a baby and raise it without a Daddy. “We’re calling it our ‘little miracle’,” said Lynn Cheney, the Vice President’s wife who has 5 grandchildren already. “We know she doesn’t have a father-figure for her baby, but that’s okay. There are millions of babies born into single-parent homes and they turn out just fine!”

Finally, we are happy to bring you an exclusive testimony in regarding the Swiftboating that’s going on in Forest Lake, MN. Since the story first ran last week, we’ve been inundated with phone calls and media hype everywhere. The Comments section has become clogged and the WordPress people have complained about the overwhelming number of hits that they’ve had.

One person who knows the “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” has come forward to offer her views on the topic. She initially has told the Fruit Fly News staffers that she wanted to remain anonymouse because she feared for her life. “Andy Meyers can be a real piece of work”, the source said. “But I want the world to know what’s going on in our fine town of Forest Lake.” For the purposes of anonymity, we will be calling our source; “Ms. XYZ”.

Ms. XYZ – thank you for joining us tonight! You must be very brave.

Oh thank you Frizzie. We all love you very much up here in Forest Lake.

How nice! Thank you for that. You say you know both Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson. Is that true?

“Up until last year I was somewhat friends of Andy for about 6 months until I figured out what a loon she is. Dawn Nelson lives in my neighborhood. Andy is most definately a whack job who lives in her own world or right and wrongs. Dawn and her are extremely close friends. The fact the this stupid city voted her to the Human rights board is beyond comprehension.”

Can you tell me, is this the first time Andy Meyer and Dawn Nelson has tried these shenanigans before? It’s interesting that they’d pick on Stev Stegner by using teenaged girls and photography and…

What’s the most interesting is that this is not the first time Andy has caused trouble. Over a year ago she and a few of her teenage friends (she is about 22 by the way) set a local business owner up for statutory rape charges. Can you imagine the grief this bitch caused? The police investigated this and cleared the guy — he was out of town when this supposedly happened — in Andy’s apartment none the less. That wasn’t good enough for her though. She went to his local church on 11th Avenue and spread rumors and they ex-communicated him. This was a gentleman who from my understanding has been a huge financial support for the church. Boy would I lvoe to know what she said. It’s strange that she is a Jew but she goes to this church—which is not Jewish.

I don’t understand, why would this church let her…

And to top this all off Andy is spreading rumors at that same church that the people who live across the street are going through bankuptcy, losing their house, he is a wife beater and an alcoholic. Not one word of this is true and they at one time considered her a friend as well. If this is how she treats friends I would love to see what they she treats her enemies. Dumb bitch will cross paths with the wrong person some day.

What a piece of work! Tell me if you would; in the original St Paul Pioneer Press story, there were a couple of teenaged girls involved trying to set up Stev Stegner. Since she’s only 22 as you say, I can assume that the two girls were not her children. Can you tell me…

What’s really sad is she currently has custody of a 5 year old boy that has ADHD and a bunch of other things wrong with him. I’m not sure of the details but supposedly his teenage father lost custody and she stepped in out of the gracoiusness of her own heart (bullshit) to take care of him. I think she uses him to shoplift at the local Target. If she gets caught — what the heck — blame it on this poor little dumb <kid>. Obviously they would not arrest a retard. Too bad I don’t know the social worker or I would make sure he gets put into a better environment. I only know his name is Ryan.

Getting back to the who “Stev Stegner Swiftboat Lamers” team. Can you tell me more about this letter they wrote to the Forest Lake Times?

The letter you are talking is a “call to action” for the neighborhood to protest the selling of the land to the Duffy Development group. Dawn and Andy have been very vocal, organizing fund raiser activities for the Forest Lake Community Association (FLCA) and Mayor Terry Smith was their best buddy. He is quite creepy anyways but I’m sure they are loyal puppies to him and felt that had him in their pockets.

Unbelievable! And you mentioned that you’ve talked with the newly elected mayor Mr. Stev Stegner?!

On a side note I talked to Stev Stegner today and told him what I knew about her and to let him know that anyone who knows her is most likely extremely pissed off. He is not sure that the Forest Lake Human Rights Commission will look into this now that Dawn Nelson has been elected to the board. I would hope that the state one will step in and get involved. I feel very bad for his family and the kids who are in school. Thank goodness for the reporter who was smart enough to figure out the scam and turn the article around on making Andy look like the dumbass she really is.

Wow. I would have to admit, this is almost the worst case of “Swiftboating” I’ve ever heard. I’m stunned that Dawn Nelson and the current Mayor Smith don’t distance themselves out of fear of being investigated by the Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Aprehension, if not by the Minnesota Human Rights Commission. Thank you very much for your input. Is there anything else you’d like to say?

She is the master of lies. When we met she said she had her veternarian degree and worked at the Raptor Center but she was ALWAYS wheeling around town. Supposedly her mom is a district attorney and her dad some holocaust survivor that is FBI or CIA? Would that make him in his 80’s? Lies Lies Lies.

Thank you again Ms. XYZ. We can only hope that, Social Services, Human Rights Commission or even the Minnesota BCA will get involved and put a stop to these right-wing nutjobs. I appreciate your insight, please visit us more often and I sincerely hope you have a great Holiday Season and a very Happy New Year.

Thank you, Frizzie. We love you up here in Forest Lake!!

And, that concludes this edition of Fruit Fly News. Where we are constantly keeping you up to date with the most rediculous and pathetic people in the United States. I think it’s obvious by today’s selection; we’ve had our best show ever! My name is Frizzie McBee, good night.