Secret Young Republicans training compound located!!

First photos are emerging from behind the enemy lines, where their nefarious indoctrination techniques corrupt the innocent minds of America’s youth and prepare them for a life committed to espousing Republican ideology that runs counter to their own self interests!

We all owe a debt of gratitude to the Democratic operatives that have risked their lives to bring us this first haunting photo:

Here we can obviously see a seemingly innocent piece of playground equipment that has been twisted by the right-wing propaganda masters into some sort of sick political metaphor…

Undercover operatives for the Democratic Party have told us that Republican parents force their unwilling children up the molded plastic stairs into the GOP’s “Indoctrination Machine.” These children remain inside for up to 48 hours until they are fully processed. The children, once they are completely transformed into a smelly mass of waste material, will eventually tumble down the chute behind the Indoctrination Machine fully prepared to carry-on the Neocon Agenda.

Said one Republican mother after her child was expelled from the Indoctrination Machine: “Oh, he’s still the little stinker he always was….” where she snickered and waddled away.

UNICEF, Save the Children and Sally Struthers have begun nationwide media campaigns to save these poor little children before they’ve become indoctrinated into the little GOP shit’s that’s expected of each and every one of them. So please: If you can give anything, please give to Sally Struther’s Christian Children’s Fund. Because Jesus, and only Jesus could love these little Turds.

I found it on Bartcop Nation… So it must be true!

“I” is for “Impeachment”

Okay, I think I’ve figured out what happened.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-OH 10th) Presidential hopeful and Druidic High Priest, entered HR Bill 333 back in April 2007. Everybody snickered and giggle behind his back because as you already know, Kucinich smokes marijuana and gets his Tarot read by famous Hollywood moonbats like Shirley MacLain. Only problem is that High Priestess Nancy Pilosi already told everybody that Impeaching any of the Bush Cartel was off the table. (Pilosi is far too liberal and way too interested in working on the super-secret “Gay Agenda” to be dealing on an Impeachment case.)

Yesterday comes around and Nancy’s sex-slave Steny Hoyer (D-MD 5th) holds the floor and up comes HR Bill 333. Hoyer doesn’t want to deal with this bill and so he puts out the vote to “table it”. In other words: “Let’s ignore this bill like we did in New Orleans.” Now before he can call for a vote to “table” the bill, it has to be read to the full House or Representatives. Out comes a House clerk who’s name was Willow or something and she reads the Articles of Impeachment for Dick “Darth Vader” Cheney.

Now, the dope-smoker ‘s articles of Impeachment are official in the Congressional records. Steny Hoyer thanked Willow and then told the full House that his “Safe Word” was “butt pimple”. He said that it was important that before any sexual activity began during the vote, that everybody knew what everybody else’s “safe word” was. He then repeated his own: “butt pimple”.

The Dems aren’t really interested in the bill; it reaks of mugwort and deep-fried eye-of-newt. Besides, someone had written the bill on hemp paper. The only ones that are interested in the bill are Dems that have their own Druid high priestesses and Dark Arts professors.

The Republicans are definitely not interested in Impeaching their beloved Darth Vader; so being protected on all sides by The Empires’ Storm Troopers, they immediately began voting “Hell YEAH-Let’s Table It”.

House Minority leader John Boehner (R-OH 8th) took some erectile dysfunction tablets made by Pfizer, Inc. and all of a sudden, he had an epiphany: Here was a golden opportunity embarrass High Priestess Pilosi! If they voted against tabling it and let the bill come to the floor for a full debate…

“That little pill creates some mighty big results!” he thought. Here was a brilliant opportunity to make Pilosi look stupid in front of the United States and her “life-partner”!!

With an erection that looked like he had a decent sized pumpkin in his drawers, Boehner began pushing Storm Troopers out of his way and saying; “Get the hell out of my way! I’m John Boehner and I work for the good of The Empire!”. He tagged all of his colleagues by saying “Let’s make fun of Pilosi…this’ll be great. Let’s all vote against tabling this stupid bill and we’ll be able to debate it and make Pilosi look like a Jack-Ass! Get it?! She’s a Democrat so we can make her look like a Jack-Ass!!”

All of the Republicans laughed and said; “Yeah, we get it. That’s really funny…”jackass”. Now what are we supposed to do again?”

Boehner had a very difficult time keeping their attention with that medication “problem” down in his trousers banging into them. But eventually he managed to get his message through. All of the Republicans finally understood and said; “Ooohhh! SNAP!! The Emperor and Darth Vader will be so pleased! You’re right! We can make fun of Pilosi and that stupid Dennis Kucinich too!”

One Republican said to him; “Have you had that…ehm..bulge for more than four hours?” I don’t know: It could have been a physician who asked that, but more than likely it was just another Republican closet-case.

Anyway, Steny left the sacrificial virgin on his pulpit for 15 minutes…and then a little longer…and then a little longer. And he began to realize that not only did he have to take a pee-break, but that the Republicans were are changing their votes from “Yeah Let’s Table It” to “No Way Man, Let’s Have a Debate About It!!”. Steny didn’t know what to think: On one hand, it’d take over a half hour to get all of his leather gear off so he could pee — on the other, he didn’t understand why the Republicans were being such idiots for changing the votes to “NO” and then flipping him the bird.

Steny decided to risk it and take a pee-break and to let the Republicans have all the time they needed. After an hour, the full House had their votes cast and so Steney pushed the sacrificed virgin off his pulpit and called the vote.

170 – 242

(WTOP.com and the NY Times reports that the 162 – 251, but who cares what they have to say anyway.) That means, 170 members said “Yeah..Let’s scrap Kucinich’s HR 333” and 242 who said; “Let’s not table it – Let’s debate it so we can make fun of Nancy Pilosi!!! “

“We’re going to help them out, to explain themselves,” said Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX 32nd) while pulling the head off an adolescent Ewok. “We’re going to give them their day in court.”

Hoyers’ gavel, a labrys stolen from the High Priestess’ office, banged on the pulpit: “So moved. We’ll open it up to debate the Impeachment.”

Then, reality hit the Republicans like a Jedi knight’s lightsaber through their brain-pans: “What did we just do?!?! Huh?” Someone from some redneck state whimpered nervously; “Did we just vote to open the debate on the Impeachment of Darth Vader?!”

Storm Troopers closed ranks around all of them, Vader immediately grabbed his shotgun and a little bit of pee ran up John Boehner’s leg. The Emperor sent a fleet of Incom T-65 X-Wing star fighters to hover over the House of Representatives and signed another $30 Billion contract with Boba Fett.

Sunshine, a communal-spouse of Harry Waxman (D-CA 30th) suddenly placed her blunt down gingerly and said: “Why don’t we push this off to Committee?!”

Everybody looked up to Steny Hoyer thinking: “Good idea! Let’s push it off to committee!” Patrick McHenry (R-NC 10th) winked at Hoyer and had a Congressional page pass a note up to him that said: “Your leather outfit is turning me on…call me Daddie. Love, Patty-Pat-Pat.”

Steny Hoyer grabbed another virgin, this time a brunette, sacrificed her to in the name of the Goddess Morrigan and held the vote: “Shall We Push Kucinich’s HR 333 Off To Committee?!”

The House voted again. This time:

218 194

(WTOP.com got it figured out that time.) Now the bill is in the hands of John “Big Eagle Winds” Conyers (D-MI 14th) who’s head of the House Judiciary And All Things Wicca.

John Boehner began crying (again) and sobbing: “The Emperor will be so upset with me!! Oh goodness, I just love this country so much… He…he.. He’s just going to kill my family and he’ll boil my head and eat it for lunch!!” Storm Troopers carried Boehner off while he was wailing and begging for mercy.

The bill was originally co-sponsored by House Judiciary Committe members: Tammy (Dew Rain) Baldwin (D-WI 2nd) Keith (Moonbeam) Ellison (D-MN 5th), Sheila (Rainbow) Jackson-Lee (D-TX 18th), Steve (Sunflower) Cohn (D-TN 9th), Maxine (Twilight) Waters (D-CA 35th) and Hank (Sunlight) Johnson (D-GA 4th), none of whom have passed a drug test since the 2nd Grade. Now that they have more power to truly Impeach the Vader, none of them show any interest today.

Representative Conyers, an former rabid hater of the Empire, the Emperor and Darth Vader, whimped out and has decided that he’s too busy to be bothered by all of this Impeachment Bru-Ha-Ha. His sweat lodge found Judiciary spokeswiccan named “Oak Would” (who was in the middle of “The Mysts of Avalon”) and sent her out to say this:

“The committee has a very busy agenda – over the next two weeks, we hope to pass a FISA bill, to vote on contempt of Congress citations, pass legislation on prisoner re-entry, court security and a variety of other very important items. We were surprised that the minority was so ready to move forward with consideration of a matter of such complexity as impeaching the Vice President. The Chairman will discuss today’s vote with the committee members but it would seem evident that the committee staff should continue to consider, as a preliminary matter, the many abuses of this Administration, including the Vice President.” – House Judiciary Committee Spokeswoman wiccan.

High Priestess Nancy Pilosi, the first Speaker of the House to create a blog off the Priestess’ coven, has absolutely NOTHING listed about HR Bill 333.

Whew!! Washington can be such a crazy place!!! Thank the Goddess I had Kagro X @ DailyKos to help me figure all that out!!

The “Purification” of the GOP (The Matzo ball Soup Lunch)

C’mone in! Come on! Oh, don’t worry about your shoes, they’re fine. I’m so glad you came! C’mon sit down! “Take a load off!” as they say. Sit! Sit! I’m in the middle of my lunch; a little bit of smoked Lox and a bowl of Matzo ball soup. You want some?! No? I don’t blame you. I’ve discovered I’m not too much of a fan of the stuff. The Lox is okay but the soup? I dunno. Let’s put it this way: I am no longer curious as to why there aren’t any television shows focusing on Jewish cuisine on that Food Network channel.

The Matzo balls are okay – but the broth is pretty thin – huh? Oh no, no, no…I’m not Jewish. I’m gay, so I have a natural affinity for anything that comes accessorised with balls. You should see my Christmas tree! Oy Vey! I’ve got more swinging balls on my tree than you can count at a gay pride parade!. No, I just thought I’d try it and see what it tastes like…

Here…let me show you something. Check this out:

Gay Republicans come out of the closet

This is the funniest article I’ve read in months. This is a piece written about a gay couple in South Carolina who’s “coming out of the ‘Gay Closet’ and hoping the South Carolina GOP will be welcoming them with open arms.

The article is all about the GOP is being shunned in every aspect of America society. Concerned, more and more Republican gay and lesbian people are joining the Log Cabin Republicans: “Because they’re worried about the party extinction”. I’m paraphrasing, I know. Go ahead and read it yourself. But the real gem is on the third page.

The conversation revolves around this one (minor) hope in the link between Rudy Giulinani and the LCR’s. Guiliani of course, hangs with the Manhattan queens in between marriages, and his very weird attraction for going out in drag. Noel Freeman out of the Houston (Texas) Chapter finds comfort in Giuliani:

“I think it is refreshing to see a prominent Republican who is supportive of our issues doing so well,” said Noel Freeman, who is head of Log Cabin’s Houston chapter.

Gay Republican activists say the party needs to expand its base if it wants to remain relevant by shedding its anti-abortion and anti-gay rights platforms and aiming for the political center on social issues.

But then Freeman drops the bomb on page 3 and I think it’s not only an accurate statement, but a very funny one too:

“I’m afraid that the Republican Party is going to make itself so pure that it will be able to meet in a phone booth,” said Freeman.

LOL! They’re comin’ to the Twin Cities next year to hang out in our PHONE BOOTHS! ALL SEVEN OF THEM!

Oh dear, I just think that’s too funny… Who needs the Xcel Energy center when you can rent a couple of telephone booths and your delegates and call in their votes with a quarter?

…And for a political party who’s idolatry involves capitalism and Mens Restrooms, you’d think they would be looking for voters to buy into their greed and their wars. No. They’re chasing them away. Check out their Great White Princess, Ann Coulter. At 46, she’s the only one who thinks she’s attracting votes with a micro-mini and a mouth that could suck the chrome off a trailer-hitch. We’re seriously running out of groups she hasn’t vented on either. Let’s see; there are the 911 widows, women’s suffrage in general (Coulter doesn’t think women are smart enough to vote) and her newest group: The Jews. Coulter thinks Jews need to be “perfected“. Now that Ann Coulter is sounding an aweful lot like Joseph Goebbels, she is no friend to the GOP. And yet they can’t help but buy her books and give her air-time just to watch her do her best hair-flip.

I’m sorry. I’m being rude. Can I get you some coffee? Tea? Coffee?! Oh good! I have a fresh brew of some of Starbucks beans. I’ll be right back…

…So if they’re not pissing off the Jews, women and the 9-11 widows, who’s next?!! Sugar or cream?! They’ll focus on the Asian Americans of course! Michelle Malkin, a Filipino-American and über-conservative herself, runs out and says…

 

“Hillary campaign contributors” who were “smellier than stinky tofu.”

Honestly: How much hypocrisy are the American voter expected to buy from these … people? Malkin goes on a rant on the topic in her piece entitled:

Spanking Asian-American grievance-mongers again

…where she says:

“If it’s ‘ethnic profiling’ to be extra-careful of Chinatown donors who can’t speak English, live in dilapidated buildings, have never voted, can’t tell Hillary Clinton from Hunan Chicken or simply can’t be found, then ‘ethnic profiling’ should be the standard procedure of every responsible campaign.”

Malkin played her Hypocrite card with that one. She must have been “feeling” her groove while she was out on that field trip visiting the Frost family and terrorizing their neighborhood. Putting the kibosh on the SCHIP for families who can’t afford health insurance for their kids was a HUGE coup d’état for the GOP. Malkin terrorizing the Frost family drew the largest applause from Ebeneezer Scrooge, Blue Cross/Blue Shield and Elphaba Thropp. Her latest in spoofing the Asian-American community by declaring their incompetence proved her willingness to be nothing but a three-dollar whore for the Hate-Party of the GOP.

The GOP’s hatred of children isn’t lost on some “poor” little brats either. Locally here in Minnesota, former state representative Phil Krinkie (now chairman of the Minnesota Tax Payer League) is calling to jettison mentally handicapped and physically challenged children from our local school districts. He thinks they should be shunted into isolated “special schools” where it’ll be easier to defund their education and leave those kids to get their education behind their neighbor’s garbage cans. Krinkie also wants class sizes expanded to 200 to 300 students per class because it more “closely reflects what college life would be like.” (Watch the video here.) Funny, don’t you think? Phil Krinkie wants class sizes at 300 students, but there’s no talk about school teachers getting professor-sized salaries.

And the in-fighting within the party ranks is both witty and delightful. The James Dobson crowd has all but bailed on the entire GOP ticket. The Evangelicals have declared a military junta against the GOP if Giuliani or Romney win the nomination. Holding a debate at a predominantly African-American university, the GOP’s top four most popular candidates simply failed to show up, snubbing the entire African-American community. Their wanna-be website “Redstate” was created to look like the progressive/liberals DailyKos site: a one-stop shopping experience for everything conservative, political and Whitey. They decided to kick out their members who are excited about Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul.

“Effective immediately, new users may *not* shill for Ron Paul in any way shape, form or fashion. Not in comments, not in diaries, nada. If your account is less than 6 months old, you can talk about something else, you can participate in the other threads and be your zany libertarian self all you want, but you cannot pimp Ron Paul. Those with accounts more than six months old may proceed as normal.”

Can we scratch off any expectations that Ron Paul supporters will be showing up in Minneapolis/St Paul next year? We’ve already scratched off the Asians, the Jews, African-Americans, Evangelical Christians and women (especially the 9-11 Widows). OH! I forgot: ..and every American voter making less than $80,000 annually who have children and can’t afford health insurance.

Then there are the parents who have children who are handicapped and any parents who appreciate small class sizes.

To be fair to the Gestapo good folks over a Redstate, they have rescinded the ban on Ron Paul supporters. Andrew Sullivan opened his site on The Dish for the little jihadist geeks to gush over their favorite on his site and Redstate took an offense to it. Andrew Sullivan is gay you see…And well…Redstate well, we all know what Republicans thing about The Gays. But in the meantime; we can all THANK GOD for the Log Cabin Republicans are worried about the extinction of the GOP!! Can you think of anybody else that are worried?

We’re now thinking the 2008 Republican Convention campaign is going to be nothing but a KKK rally high on Red Bull.

Their fighting within the political ranks are becoming more apparent as well as within their own blogospheres. It’s almost like watching championship Halo III tournaments in slow-mo.

Late September, the National Republican Campaign Committee chair Tom Cole (R-OK) was threatening to resign. If he did, then John Boehner (R-OH) was going to have the two most senior positions fired immediately. It’s right here – check it out:

In a recent meeting in the minority leader’s office, Boehner told Cole that he was displeased at how the NRCC is being run. Republican sources say Boehner wants to replace Pete Kirkham, the NRCC’s executive director, and Terry Carmack, its political director, with more “aggressive” people with a more “realistic” view on next year’s elections, sources said.

But that wasn’t the end of the story. After Boehner slaps Cole around like a butcher with a slab of beef, Cole starts yelling at his employees in German saying…here…right here:

After the meeting, an angry Cole called together the NRCC staff and told them [in perfect German] that if they were not happy working at the committee, they might want to consider leaving immediately, said several GOP insiders. That Cole outburst occurred last Monday, said the sources.

But the fight going on isn’t with staffing and leadership at all. The real in-fighting is coming out of a really stressed out Republican party. Because all you have to do is let your be-jeweled finger scroll down the piece and find the magic bullet …there:

The NRCC has raised $34.6 million this cycle, compared with $43.6 million by the DCCC, although the big difference is cash-on-hand, where Democrats have a huge advantage: $22 million in cash, compared with the NRCC’s $1.6 million.

The NRCC also has $4 million in outstanding debt left over from the 2005-06 cycle, down from nearly $11 million at the beginning of the year, according to its latest filing with the Federal Election Commission. The Democrats’ debt is $3.1 million.

Now that I’m thinking about it, let me call St Paul mayor Chris Coleman and make sure these itchy Republican parasites have enough to pay for their GOP Presidential campaign election!

They’ve already begun to eat their own. Larry Craig wanted to attend a GOP NRSC fundraiser in the sunshiny resort area of Sea Island, GA. NRSC staffers had to call Craig’s office to let him know that he wasn’t invited even though he circled “YES” on the RSVP. The NRSC chair, Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) has been blasting Craig’s behavior and everybody realizes that the Party Pervert is a huge drag on fund-raising.

Look, it’s like Martin Niemoeller said:

In Germany they came first for the commmunists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up.

Niemoeller was wrong. You’ll always have Noel Freeman and a handful of Log Cabin Republicans who’ll speak up for you. They’ll go to any mile, any length to save the GOP. The more the GOP hates them, the greater the appeal. And when everybody in America hates these GOP parasites, they’ll always have the gays and lesbians who’ll worry about them.

Are you sure about that soup? I can get you a cup if you’d prefer. Do you want to take some home with you? I can get a “go cup” and you can just heat it up in the microwave. How about some Lox?!